I’ve spent hours lurking here since I got my abnormal pap results a month ago and figured I’d share my experience in hopes it will ease someone else’s anxiety! I’m 12 weeks pregnant with my first baby and my doctor did a pap smear at my first pre-natal visit on 5/2. I’ll admit I was a few years overdue. My pap results came back abnormal, specifically HSIL. I immediately started spiraling and blaming myself for not keeping up on my paps. They scheduled me for a colpo on 5/25. My doctor said the cells looked abnormal and she took 2 biopsies. It was uncomfortable and I was really scared but I had virtually no bleeding and the recovery was pretty easy.
During the colpo, my doctor basically told me the results could be CIN 1, 2, or 3, or full blown cervical cancer. She said she was worried it was CIN 2 or worse. She even mentioned possibly having to terminate the pregnancy if it’s cancer. To say I was absolutely spiraling out of control is an understatement. I was never told that it was possible the biopsy could show that I don’t have pre-cancerous cells at all. Fast forward the longest week of my life and I finally got my results. They showed NO LESIONS!!!! My results said “glandular mucosa with changes suggestive of exogenous progesterone effect.”
I have never felt so relieved but also feel misled by my doctor. If I knew it was possible the biopsy could show no lesions at all, I could’ve at least hung on to that bit of hope while I was waiting! Anyway, I’m just happy that baby and I are healthy. Just wanted to share that this is a possibility! Try to stay calm after colpo/biopsy because it could end up being nothing.

Going through my second missed miscarriage. Discovered my pregnancy was likely non-viable during my 8 week scan on May 15 as I was measuring 2 weeks behind and had a low fetal HR.
Confirmed no HR on May 24th ultrasound with no development since the last scan + I also had a subchorionic hematoma. As of today I was supposed to be around 11 weeks, however the fetus stopped developing around 6w2d.
Started bleeding a bit on May 28 and was in a lot of pain within the days following. Experienced contraction-like pain at points with the passing of a few small clots, but not the gestational sac. Went for a follow up scan on May 31, which showed the sac and contents intact, subchorionic hematoma resolved and my cervix closed.
My body obviously needs a push to get things going, which also happened during my first MMC. I advocated for misoprostal before my doctor went away for 3 weeks (bad timing), and took the first dose vaginally on June 3.
Unlike when I took misoprostal vaginally with my first MMC where things came on fast and furious within ~4 hours of taking the dose... this time I had no progression 24 hours after my initial dose.
I took a 2nd dose yesterday, June 4, and still have had no progression other than some small clots and period-like bleeding. I can tell I still haven't passed the sac or bulk of the tissue.
Going for another round of beta hcg today (which has been steadily dropping in half weekly so far) and likely another ultrasound this week to check on progression, but I'm concerned I'm on the path of having to do a D&C, which I wanted to avoid if possible.
I'm hoping my cervix is a little softened now from the miso, but my body doesn't seem to want to let my pregnancy go.
Has anyone gone through two rounds of miso and had it not work? Or had it kick in days after taking it? Did you wind up needing a D&C or did you end up passing naturally? Any other natural remedies you've tried that sped up the process?

For my whole life I've been avoiding the doctor because I have been mistreated so many times by the NHS, but since meeting my boyfriend almost 3 years ago I've been going and trying to get myself better for myself and for him. He urged me to try getting professional help again and I have because I love him. But fucking hell, the last three years has been a cluster fuck of diagnosis after diagnosis. So far I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety (which I already knew anyway), ADHD, Autism (work in progress), Adenomyosis and that's just what's been diagnosed. I've had other doctors who have said I should maybe get checked for OCD, BPD, C-PTSD, endometriosis, arousal disorders and more. It's such a fucking huge clusterfuck it makes me feel like I'm faking it because it just seems like too much to have for a 19 year old girl. I originally thought I just have depression and anxiety with period issues, but it's so so much more.
I never let it show because these things all feel too "minor" to me to treat myself with extra care, although if someone else had the same I would care. I have been through so much medical gaslighting only to find out my suspicions were correct, I have been treated like utter shit and yet they can't help me in any way. Antidepressants don't help the depression and anxiety, there's no way to treat autism and they won't even fucking give me any medication for the ADHD or adenomyosis. I feel so so fucking exhuasted to my bones all the time, no sleep can fix that. It feels shameful when I can't afford to be myself because I feel like utter shit most days, deal with chronic migraines several times a week and deal with on and off pelvic pain. I got myself a TENS machine for the adenomyosis and I almost feel pathetic for it because it's like I don't deserve any help. I got loop earplugs to help sensory issues with autism and I even feel guilty for having those. It's like I'm not "disabled" enough to get/use any help but also I'm too disabled to live my life happily and do what I want. All these things are treated as little "quirks" when they affect pretty much everything in my life. I get shit done when I have to but it takes absolutely everything out of me, I can't even muster the energy to do things I enjoy. I'm dealing with all of these things with no medication other than antidepressants that don't work tranexamic acid for adeno (which doesn't help pain, only reduces bleeding).
I don't want to be 19 and already fucking with anxiety, depression, adhd, autism, migraines, adenomyosis and maybe even endometriosis. It's far too fucking much. I have the ability to do things but it is so much harder for me than somebody without these issues. I feel so judged for taking it upon myself to help myself because of years of people saying I'm fine when finally it has been proved that it never has been. I feel like such an imposter because I get by and am quite productive, but barely just about and always at the expense of how I'm feeling.

It's Monday and there's not much going on today. But still... here it is. I'll take a brief moment and say thanks to everyone here that subscribed to the newsletter. That thing blew up and in three months got to numbers I would be happy with after two years. I hope you enjoy these updates, even on days that are slow like this one.
Also, I have a new giveaway with the newsletter - a Hamilton Khaki Field - so check it out if you're so inclined.

What's new

1/
Frederique Constant’s New Highlife Automatic Is An Interesting Rolex Oyster 36 Alternative At 1/5th Of The Price
Ask on a forum what would be a great alternative if you weren’t ready to spend about $10.000 on the really nice and colorful Rolex Oyster Perpetual 36, and the two most likely answers you will get are the Tissot Gentleman (which lacks the range of colors) and the Casio Tsuyosa (which is all about color). And these are two mighty fine watches. But they are also sub $500 (depending on where you shop). And it’s very clear that they are not luxury watches. Now, if you want a great alternative to the Rolex Oyster Perpetual 36 that is trying to make a break towards the luxury watch market, take a look at the new Frederique Constant Highlife Automatic. Not only are they introducing a bunch of great colors, they also have a very interesting dial. And they’re almost 1/5th of the price of the Oyster Perpetual.
Frederique Constant might be a watch that’s not on your radar every day, but they offer great value for money, entry level luxury - especially in the Highlife Automatic - with some pieces that can get up there in price. Their entry into the same realm as the Oyster Perpetual comes up a bit short, at 34mm, but with the trend of customers wanting smaller and more vintage-looking watches, this is a great option. Most of the case is brushed, with polished links on the integrated bracelet. The watch also comes with a white rubber strap.
Where the watch majorly differs from any competition would be the dial. It comes in ice blue, champagne gold, and blossom pink, with a subtle pattern which looks like the grid around a globe. This is a pattern found on many FCs. Inside the watch is the FC-303, based on the Sellita SW200.
The Frederique Constant Highlife Automatic watches in the new colours are unlimited and available now, priced at $1,895.
2/
The Porsche Design Chronograph 1 Celebrates 75 Years Of Porsche’s First Car
75 years ago, Ferdinand “Ferry” Porsche built one of the most influential cars to ever exist - the Porsche 356 Roadster. Not only did that car change the car world by itself, it also set the groundwork for one of the greatest sports car brands in the world. 24 years later, Ferdinand “Butzi” Porsche (yeah, they weren’t all that creative with their names, Ferry’s dad who constructed the Beetle was also named Ferdinand) created a company called Porsche Design, a production design studio that will take the Porsche ethos and apply it to stuff that isn’t cars. One of the things Porsche Design perfected is watches, and to celebrate the anniversary of the 356, Porsche Design is releasing a new version of their Chronograph 1 – the 75 Years of Porsche Edition
The original Porsche Design Chronograph 1, manufactured by Orfina, wasn’t just popular because of its looks, but also because of its technological advancement. It was the watch that pioneered the use of PVD treatments on watch cases, making a fully black watch. It also appeared on the wrist of Tom Cruise in Top Gun. The new model isn’t a replica of the old one, but look at them side by side and you see a clear evolution.
The Chronograph 1 – the 75 Years of Porsche Edition is made out of titanium, 40mm wide, once again gets a matte black finish and paired to a textile leather strap with light-blue decorative stitching and a central red stripe or the included black leather strap with matching black stitching. The anti-reflective, matte-black dial was inspired by the dashboard in the cockpit of the Porsche 911, but the case has been updated to titanium instead of the original stainless steel used in 1972
Interestingly, the old Chronograph 1 was powered by the Valjoux 7750, and the new one has the WERK 01.140 which is, in essence, a modernised version of that movement. Very modernised, very upgraded. It has a flyback chronograph functionality, black-coated decoration and COSC certification that ensures accuracy within +6/-4 seconds per day. Also, the automatic winding rotor has taken the shape of the legendary Fuchs wheel with a Porsche crest
The watch is limited, frustratingly to 475 pieces. Yes, I get you would like to sell more watches, but 475 doesn’t mean anything. 75 means something. 356 means something. Anyways, sale starts June 8 and it’s priced at $11,000.
3/
Chopard L.U.C. Full Strike Gets An Update In Full Blue Sapphire
The Chopard L.U.C Full Strike is an award winning watch, and it’s no wonder why. Introduced in 2016, it was the brand’s first minute repeater and just look at it. It’s a perfect blend of tradition and innovation, exhibiting exceptional construction and decoration. Now, Chopard is releasing a new version of the watch - this time in a blue sapphire case. So, if you ever wanted to get the Hublot Big Bang Integrated Tourbillon Full Blue Sapphire, but wanted an actually fantastic watch, here it is!
To use the biggest cliche of them all - this is not a revolution, it is an evolution. But it really is an evolution, as it is a color update to last year’s Full Strike Sapphire, with the 42.5 mm case, and crown with its integrated minute repeater pusher made of sapphire. It still has the same insane sapphire crystal gongs, machined from a single sapphire block.
The dial is made of sapphire, too, with the movement in full view. For easy reading, the railway-type minutes track was engraved and painted on the crystal, and eight rhodium-plated, shaped hour markers, positioned from 12 to 7 o’clock, were applied to make the chapter ring.
The L.U.C 08.01-L hand-wound movement is COSC certified and bears the Poinçon de Genève quality hallmark. It comprises 533 parts, beats to the frequency of 28,800vph and has a power reserve of 60 hours.
Unlike the Hublot, which comes on a full sapphire bracelet which many watchmakers have called an impossible dirt trap, the Chopard L.U.C Full Strike Blue Sapphire is offered on a blue alligator leather strap and it’s limited to just five pieces. The price is on request, but last year’s clear sapphire version was rumoured to cost $450.000
4/
The Norqain Freedom 60 Chrono 40mm Ice Blue Limited Edition Is A Summer Ready Baby Blue Watch
Norqain is only five years old and yet, it currently has more than 50 different watches in their lineup. Started by Ben Küffer who brought over a bunch of people from Breitling, where he worked, one of their early successes was the Freedom 60 Chrono, housed in a 43mm case. People loved the watch, but they loved the 40mm version launched last year even more. Norqain is now releasing a limited edition of the 40mm chronograph with an ice blue dial.
It’s the same old watch as it was last year - 40mm in diameter and 14.9mm thick, with a box-type AR sapphire crystal and 100-metre water resistance rating. There are three strap options and Norqain is proud that they are all animal cruelty-free - a stainless steel bracelet, a black Perlon rubber strap and a linen Nortide strap made of recycled plastic recovered from the ocean.
The dial has a tri-compax layout and gets a new color palette with a sunray brushed ice blue dial, with black subdials and silver applied indices. There’s a colour-matching angled date at the unfortunate position between 4 and 5 o’clock. Inside the watch is Norqain’s calibre NN19, based on the Sellita SW510, a cam-operated chronograph with 27 jewels, 28,800vph (4Hz) and a power reserve of 62 hours. This is an update last year’s 40mm model, which had an ETA based movement.
The Norqain Freedom 60 Chrono 40mm Ice Blue Limited Edition is limited to 300 pieces and retails for CHF 4,250 with the steel bracelet, CHF 4,150 with the rubber strap and CHF 3,990 with the Nortide strap.
5/
Revolution’s Latest Collaboration With De Rijke & Co. Gives Us A Whimsical Miffy Watch With A Sapphire Dial And Great Price
If you are by chance, like me, a parent to a little girl, you know all about Miffy. If you are not, all you need to know is that Miffy is cult Dutch cartoon bunny created by Dick Bruna, whose books have sold more than 100 million copies since 1955. Miffy being Dutch is appropriate, since this watch is made by De Rijke & Co, a relatively young Dutch watch brand that was started after it’s owner Laurens de Rijke in 2013 took his fifty year old Vespa scooter for a trip on the Silk Road, covering a distance of 11.000 kilometer, he past countries like Azerbaijan. Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan.
Born from this trip was an inspiration to create a watch, and it’s very interesting. While many brands want to create a fully modular watch, it always ends up being cumbersome. De Rijke went another path - he created a two part case that allows you to spin the internal part that holds the dial, crystal and movement, up to 90 degrees, allowing it to be positioned wherever you wanted for comfort. The lugs of the watch are also unique, solid and made for straps to pass through them. All of this gives the watch almost as much modularity as a modular watch, while still being a good watch.
Also, this is not the first time you will find Miffy on a De Rijke & Co. watch. They have a completely sold out collection of four Miffy watches differing only in color and limited to 25 pieces per color. The watch is powered by the Sellita SW 288-1, a movement that has been seen modified for the MING 37.05 Moonphase and unmodified in the Farer Moonphase. All of this makes sense, as the De Rijke & Co. Miffy watch is a moonphase watch, where the moon is replaced with an illustration of Miffy.
And now, here comes Revolution magazine with their special edition of the De Rijke & Co. Miffy, but this time it’s the Double Moonphase. This version of the watch has a translucent sapphire dial, which allowed them to add a second Miffy, which turns the watch into a dual-hemisphere moonphase indicator.
Production will be limited to 100 pieces and the watch is priced at EUR 3,100, which is EUR 400 higher than the already sold out Miffy’s which don’t have the sapphire dial. Available for purchase on 6 June 2023, 10pm SGT 4pm CET 10am EST
6/
The Romain Gauthier Introduces The C Titanium Edition Four In Black And Blue
There’s a certain type of watch one expects from an independent watchmaker. Serious, classical, with all the watchmaking talents on display and highly personal. Romain Gauthier took all of those characteristics and applied them to his watches. Then he decided to create the Continuum, which is, in fact, an independent’s version of a sports watch, filled with Gauthier’s trademark touches. The model was later renamed C by Romain Gauthier, but the series retained the essential idea and continued to evolve aesthetically. The brand has just revealed the new edition of the C by Romain Gauthier Titanium in a Grade 5 titanium case coated with black ALDC.
If you follow the work of Romain Gauthier, the new C by Romain Gauthier Titanium Edition Four will look very familiar to you, for the watch sports the same 41mm x 9.55mm, 50m water-resistant case crafted from Grade 5 titanium, with a black diamond-like carbon coating, as the Edition Two from last year. All of the titanium used also gives the watch incredible lightness and the whole thing weighs just 55 grams.
The new reference is distinguished mainly by coloured elements. The crown at 2 o’clock features a blue rubber ring. The main dial plate in black Grade 5 titanium received a straight-graining finish; the slightly off-centred hours and minutes are indicated with the white Super-LumiNova-filled 18k white gold hands and applied numerals and hour markers.
But all of this is secondary to the movement. It is a contemporary in-house calibre, manually wound, with exceptional decoration and finishes. The movement with signature Gauthier-reinterpreted historically typical finger-style bridges in natural titanium and rhodium-treated gears is the same as in the previous Continuum editions. It beats to a frequency of 28,800vph and has a power reserve of 60 hours.
The C by Romain Gauthier Titanium Edition Four is a limited edition of 38, and comes on a black textured rubber strap with satin-finished and polished Grade 5 titanium pin buckle coated with black ADLC. It’s priced at CHF 38,000 and while this is an insane amount of money for a watch, I can think of many mass produced watches with less impressive materials and movements that will ask you for much more money.
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On hand - a selection of reviews

1/
A review of the Bulgari Octo Finissimo Skeleton 8 Days watch, ultra-thin and all-titanium
2/
Hands on with the very controversial Patek Philippe Calatrava 6007G
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Watch Worthy - A look at an offbeat, less known watch you might actually like

Classy, With A Touch Of Sportiness; The Moritz Grossmann Power Reserve Vintage
Made out of solid silver, the finishing is outstanding. The elongated black Roman numerals exude elegance and are embraced with a very fine minute track. Look closely and you can see small blue markers at every five-minute increment, a touch of colour that ties in with a key element on the dial: the power reserve indication. This simple little horizontal display is very practical on a day-to-day basis when dealing with a hand-wound watch (which this is).
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People loved the Seiko Alpinist! That's why I'm doing a new one. This time, we're giving away four Hamilton Khaki Field Automatics in a color of your choice. Head on over to the newsletter if you would like to enter.
If you would like to receive some additional watch-adjacent content, as well as this news overview, every morning Monday-Friday in the form of a newsletter feel free to subscribe. However, there is absolutely no need for you to subscribe, as all the news from the newsletter is posted here. It is only if you want to receive a couple of daily links that are not strictly watch-related and want to get this news overview in your inbox.

"I don't do interviews."

Bio
Name: Elena Sofía Guerrera	Date of Birth: March 13th
Age: 16	Gender: Female (She/HeHers)
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual	Nationality: American (Immigrant from Mexico)
Race: Latina (Mexican)	Fatal Flaw: Distrust
Demigod Conundrums: ADHD	Hometown: Morelia, Michoacán, MX

Elena's first name was given to her by her father for reasons unknown. Her mother offered her the middle name Sofía, which means wisdom in ancient greek. Finally, her surname Guerrera means warrior in Spanish.
​

Family Member	Age	Description/Title	Relationship
Father: Paolo Guerrera	22 (Deceased)	Elena doesn't know anything about her father. She was three years old when he died.	Too young to know him, but always old enough to miss him. Elena never knew her father and always wishes she had.
Mother: Athena Oplophóros	Wisdom never ages, only matures.	The goddess of wisdom in a form known for being an armed, strategic warrior.	'Mom' was a name that has always been foreign to Elena. She believes that her mother died during childbirth, leaving Elena's father to raise the girl on her own. She holds no ill will, only the wish that she could have met her if only for a moment.
Caregiver: Tia Rosa	47 (Deceased)	A Nun who worked at the orphanage Elena grew up in. Died when Elena turned 14	The closest thing to a mother that Elena ever had. They had a running joke that Elena was Rosa's favorite at the orphanage. She always gave Elena extra cookies at dinner.
Caregiver: Tia Esmerelda	43 (Status: Unknown)	A Nun who worked as a teacher at the orphanage Elena grew up in.	A stern, strong woman. Her beautiful features were hardened due to years of continued work. She taught Elena everything she could until the fateful day that Elena left Mexico.

Appearance
"bonita no gana peleas" (Pretty doesn't win fights.)
​

Faceclaim	Height	Build	Weight	Hair	Eye Color	Piercings
Here (Art found on pinterest, orginal artist unknown)	5'7	The ever-sought-after hourglass figure graces Elena's body. She is lean and toned due to years of fighting on her own.	I don't think I can ask that and make it out alive...	Thick and dark brown. Cut short and jagged by her own swords.	Piercing Green Unlike her siblings, Elena does not possess her mother's grey eyes. Her eyes only turn grey when her powers activate.	Double piercings on both ears. Her right nostril is pierced as well.

Description:

• Her appearance was never anything that Elena cared much for. Her face has natural beauty, but it has been hardened by two long years of traveling alone. Healed scars can be found all over her body, homages to the hard travels that she has had. Elena never learned how to do makeup. She does not know how to do her hair in any style other than short. All she knew was survival, beauty didn't make for survival.

Equipment/Accessories:

• el cielo y el infierno (Heaven and Hell): Elena's twin celestial bronze swords that she is able to summon. They have grown in size as Elena has grown over the years.

Abilities
Domain:

• Combat Proficiency - A trait where one is naturally adept with various forms of combat. In Elena's case, she is adept in Athena's domain of combat (Combat and warfare strategy).
• Summon Weapon (Twin Swords) - The ability to summon to summon a set of particular weapons.
• Disarm Opponent - The ability to instantly disarm an opponent (targeted). It can only happen once in an (1) hour, if the user is holding a weapon. It can happen twice in the same amount of time if the user is unarmed.

Godrent Minor:

• Legendary Cognition - A trait where one displays one of the highest levels of intelligence and wisdom known of half-bloods. They have the intellect level of geniuses.
• Fight-Or-Flight - A situational ability.
  • If Elena fights an opponent who is weaker than her, she activates fight. This ability gives her a buff that gives her greater insights into the weaknesses of the opponent she faces. Essentially, she understands exactly how to take down weaker opponents in the most efficient way possible.
  • If Elena fights an opponent who is stronger than her, she activates flight. This ability gives her a buff that increases her agility and grants her insight into the best and safest way to leave an altercation. Essentially, she gets a blueprint on how to escape a battle that she cannot win, with minimal losses.
• Mental Fortitude - A trait where one displays an immunity to all kinds of mental manipulation

Godrent Major:

• Odikinesis - The ability to manipulate feelings related to rage and warfare, forcing the target to hyperfocus on battle and granting them a strength and stamina buff (targeted and self-inflicted, more potent form of Bloodlust Inducement). In Elena's case, she has Athenian Odikinesis which grants her battle clearheadedness.

Personality:
Blunt, cold, and guarded. All words that can be used to describe this hardened daughter of Athena. The once kind, crafty, bright young girl that roamed the halls of the cathedral which she was raised in has been lost along the long road travelled between Mexico and New York. On the surface, Elena is very calm, but apathetic. She does not offer her sympathy easily, if at all. Most who approach her are met with blunt rejection. If she chooses to stay in an interaction, her responses will be short and to the point. Her defensive social she’ll is almost as strong as her battle defenses. If you want to see the layers beneath, you’ll have to break through her hard social defense.
Backstory
[To be revealed]
Present
A girl cursing violently and rapidly in spanish was walking down Half-Blood Hill. Quite honestly, she looked homeless. Her hair was choppy, as if someone had just taken a sword to it she had and her clothes were dirty, as if they hadn’t been washed in gods know how long they hadn’t.
The right arm of her black long-sleeve shirt had been cut off and tied around what looked like the remnant of a bleeding gash along her lateral bicep. Her blue jeans had plenty of rips, but not the fashionable kind. These rips were the kind that came from a long, grueling journey. But… it seems like that journey has finally come to an end.
Welcome to Camp Half-Blood, Elena.

Bruce Bugbee's far red work to date has been rejected as a new industrial standard. "PAR" has not been redefined and is still light from 400-700 nm only. "ePAR" as Bugbee defines it is 400-750 nm and it is not formally recognized in industry.
ePAR has to do with photosynthesis and when dealing with far red light and horticulture there are also other aspects to consider including photomorphogenesis, photoperiodism, far red optical characteristics of a leaf, far red LED efficacy, and far red fluorescence (we can use this to monitor photosynthesis rates in real time with a PAM fluorometer or a spectroradiometer).

• pepper plant far red fluorescence --example far red fluorescence of a plant "waking up" from a dark period. When I claim a plant takes 30-60 seconds for the photosynthesis process to fully activate this is how I know.

Who makes up the definitions?
The DLC does and they work with ASABE and ANSI (who helps develop international standards):

• Design Lights Consortium
  
• American Society of Agricultural and Biological Engineers
  
• American National Standards Institute
  

Definitions related to horticulture are covered under ANSI/ASABE S640. These definitions costs $78 for you to see but GrowFlux has a simple write up here:

• ANSI/ASABE S640 definitions

S640 far red light is defined as 700-800 nm and talks about "far red photon flux density" as a type of measurement which you will find with some light specs. Bugbee specifically wants to count 700-750 nm as PAR and call it ePAR (extended PAR).
This is the paper that Bugbee et al used to justify using far red as part of the definition of PAR:

• Far-red photons have equivalent efficiency to traditional photosynthetic photons: implications for re-defining photosynthetically active radiation.

This is the rebuttal after rejection:

• Why Far-Red Photons Should Be Included in the Definition of Photosynthetic Photons and the Measurement of Horticultural Fixture Efficacy

What's the problem?
First as speculation, there's a lot of self-referencing and it's a small group that wants to change industry wide standards. That could create some push back for an entire industry. Changing or adding standards has a much greater burden of proof than normal peer review. It's not that Bugbee is wrong but it's a very tall hill to climb.
The DLC critiques:
There are issues about the blurple background light used in the above study. Do they throw off the results? You can see in his videos on far red where he is showing white rather than blurple.
Are these results linear? Are we getting the same results at 300 uMol/m2/sec as 1500 uMol/m2/sec?
There is a claim of far red photons being equal but the data clearly shows that this is not the case. 711 nm far red did not have the same results as 746 nm photons for photosynthesis and photomorphogenesis. Bugbee uses "integrated over" 700-750 nm response curve of photosynthetic carbon fixation for some results. Should he have done that?
Bugbee's far red light being equal claim is also not necessarily supported by others:

• Far-red light enhances photochemical efficiency in a wavelength-dependent manner ---note, with far red light it's not necessarily greater photosynthesis as much as far red helps with greater photochemical efficiency. Unlike PAR light, most far red light intercepted by a leaf is not absorbed by a leaf, and leaves are highly reflective (maybe 45%) to far red light, with far red light also able to pass through leaves at a much greater rate than PAR light.

Bugbee et al. used far red LEDs that had a wide enough bandwidth to overlap into PAR (for the 711 nm LEDs) and to extend past 750 nm (for the 746 nm LEDs) in his study above with >750 nm having little photosynthetic capacity. This overlap has been criticized on methodological grounds. Bugbee lacked the laser diodes to do some of the studies. (note- far red LEDs tend to have a wider spectral width than shorter wavelength PAR LEDs).
Bugbee's response:
If "ePAR" is not added as a definition then LED grow light makers won't adapt far red LEDs due to it not counting in standardized PPF and PPE measurements which must only include 400-700 nm PAR light by definition. By definition of PAR, adding far red LEDs automatically lowers performance measurements which is bad for marketing.
400-700 nm PAR light itself also has an unequal photosynthetic response (particularly on the 400 nm side).
Bugbee also points out photomorphogenesis and how far red causes "significant stem, leaf, and/or petiole elongation, which will likely limit the maximum fraction of far-red photons to less than about 20% of the total photon flux for most crops". --(Far red causes extra elongation and we might not want this. What works for lettuce for bigger leaves from a photomorphogenesis perspective might not be the best for cannabis with elongated stems. Bugbee actually says 10-20% far red for cannabis on his videos).
We already know that there can be issues with too much red light and cannabis in some situations which can be cultivar specific. What does too much far red do? Foxtailling in the buds?:

• https://www.reddit.com/IAmA/comments/paoigz/im_dr_bruce_bugbee_professor_of_crop_physiology/ha63jmi/

BTW, Bugbee et al has found NIR (850 nm) LEDs, found in security cameras, delays flowering in cannabis and far red is known to delay flowering in other short day crops. The study uses a fairly high level of IR light but the result was significant:

• Photons from NIR LEDs can delay flowering in short-day soybean and Cannabis: Implications for phytochrome activity

There are still no credible yield efficacy claims for far red light and cannabis (except for a flawed master thesis). Claims are cheap and most people who talk about far red light have no hands on far red light experience and need to prove they are actually working with far red light when making any claim. This is a minimalist far red setup and includes how to measure far red light:

• Far red COB build with a Vero 18

People should not be taking lettuce studies, which is a lower light vegetative leafy crop, and try applying them to cannabis, which is a very high lighting flowering crop.

https://vajenda.substack.com/p/gabapentin-for-hot-flashes-in-menopause?utm_medium=email
What is Gabapentin?
Gabapentin was first approved for use in the United States in 1993, is it’s been around for a long time and we have a lot of experience with it. Initially, the belief was that gabapentin worked like g-aminobutyric acid or GABA, which is an inhibitory neurotransmitter in the brain and hence the name gabapentin. When it became clear that gabapentin didn’t work on GABA receptors, it had this “no one really knows” asterisk.
In the last decade or so new research has emerged showing gabapentin inhibits a
specific kind of calcium channel, which are tiny pores on nerves that can open and allow calcium to pass through, generating an electrical signal which ultimate leads to the release of certain neurotransmitters. Gabapentin needs to be taken regularly to have this effect, so it’s not something that you take just when you want it to work, for example like ibuprofen.
Gabapentin is currently used for a variety of conditions/symptoms, such as epilepsy, pain after shingles (post herpetic neuralgia), insomnia, chronic pain restless leg syndrome, and anxiety. And of course, hot flashes.
With hot flashes, the hypothesis is that gabapentin affects signaling in the thermoregulatory center in the brain via its effect on calcium channels and neurotransmitters. The analogy I use is gabapentin helps to correct abnormal messaging. It’s also possible gabapentin may be having an effect by improving sleep and/or by reducing anxiety, as there is a relationship between somatic anxiety (anxiety with physical symptoms) and hot flashes.
What is the Supporting Evidence?
There are several good quality clinical trials that address gabapentin for hot flashes and it has even been the subject of a recent meta-analysis. In studies, gabapentin reduced hot flashes from 45%-71% depending on the dose. In one, albeit small, clinical trial 2,400 mg of gabapentin divided three times a day was as effective as 0.625 mg of Premarin a day (which is a standard dose for hot flashes).
How to Take Gabapentin?
Gabapentin has a short half life, meaning it is removed from the body quickly, so ideally it is taken three times a day. The dosing for hot flashes ranges from 300 mg three times a day (900 mg/day total) to 800 mg three times a day (2,400 mg/day total). However, for someone whose main concern is night sweats or sleep disturbances it would be reasonable to start with one dose a day before bed and then give it a few weeks before adding in daytime doses.
When gabapentin is started at too high a dose, side effects, such as feeling dizzy, being tired, or even feeling unsteady, are more common. This can be greatly reduced by starting low and increasing slowly. A typical starting dose is 300 mg a day taken before bed and then increasing by one daytime dose each week until you are taking 300 mg three times a day. Typically, it takes several weeks for the benefit to kick in, so I suggest once someone reaches 300 mg three times a day they wait four weeks and then if things haven’t improved sufficiently, increase by one dose each week until you are taking 600 mg three times a day. Again, wait for three to four weeks and if desired, increase again in the same way until you are taking 900 mg three times a day. This is 2,700 mg total a day, which is fine dose-wise and this can be the maintenance dose, but if preferred, can be switched out to an 800 mg tablet three times a day. The only issue is the tablets are large (in the United States anyway), so some people who need the maximum dose prefer to take three of the 300 mg capsules three times a day instead of one of the 800 mg capsules.
Generally, it’s uncommon to need more than 300 mg three times a day, but if the side effects are minimal or less bothersome than the hot flashes, people often want to try increasing to see if the benefit improves.
If the initial 300 mg dose causes too many side effects or if you are someone who is sensitive to medications, start with 100 mg at night and then each week increase by a 100 mg capsule until you are taking 300 mg at night. Often people get used to the side effects over time. Similarly, the doses throughout the day can be increased by 100 mg each week if desires. It’s fine to take the time you need.
I have a lot of people who do well with just a bedtime dose, so that’s always an option, Day time doses can always be added in later.
There is a lot of flexibility here, so you can settle on the dose combination that works for you and that you can tolerate. While many people might take 300 mg three times a day, others might take 400 mg in the morning, 300 mg in the afternoon, and 600 mg at night based one what works. There is a lot of room for individualization.
Gabapentin is removed from the body via the kidneys, so people with kidney disease may need to have their dose reduced. Also, anyone with epilepsy, moderate to severe depression, or bipolar disease should check with the doctor who is helping them manage those conditions before starting. Most of the drug interactions involve other medications that are potentially sedating, so caution is needed here and this includes alcohol.
All drugs for epilepsy, gabapentin included, have black box warnings for suicidal thoughts or behaviors, and while this is very uncommon it’s something you need to know about. This is a warning is a little controversial as the warning groups together multiple different drugs for epilepsy that work in very different ways under one umbrella. Also, the data comes from adverse event reporting and not clinical trials and it lumps together reports from people taking these medications for very different reasons and the idea of considering people with epilepsy, severe depression, and chronic pain as one group is problematic. What this means for the average person wanting to try gabapentin for hot flashes is that you should be screened for depression and risk of suicidality before you begin (as you should be, in my opinion, before starting any medication for menopause). And for someone who may be at increased risk based on preexisting depression, a consultation with a mental health professional before starting is wise.
Final Thoughts
I have had a lot of success with gabapentin. I’ve had people reach out to me who have started it based on what they read in The Menopause Manifesto and are really glad they gave it a try. I am always shocked to hear how it’s rarely offered. The data is quite good and there is a generic version, so it’s one of the more affordable medications available.

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Ugh. again?
Sure seems like I'm getting shot at a lot. As I notice the shot, it's as if time slows down around me. I can't tell if this is a function of the Nanites or just my regular perception but it doesn't really matter right now. I reach behind me and grab my rifle automatically - side note, I really need to remember to thank Ava for bringing it - and bring it forward, toggling the safety off and switching to three round burst in one fluid motion. Yes, I practiced it.
Without even bringing the rifle up to my shoulder I fire off a quick burst from my hip. The goal is to make them duck and stop shooting, not to hit them or anything. The rounds fire extra slowly, this must be the Nanites. After the third round discharges, I bring the rifle up to my shoulder and realize that everyone is still behind me.
I steal a glance back and in my high perception slow motion, I can see that nobody was hit from the shot. Ava has noticed and is moving so slowly to push Omar and Um'reli out of the way. Um'reli just noticed the shot and is ducking, and I don't think Omar noticed yet at all. He must have been distracted with something else.
There, off to the side on the second floor balcony. I catch a glint of something. I concentrate harder, and time slows further. I get the feeling this is going to hurt once I adjust my perception back to normal, but for now it's saving all of us. It's like my eyes are in maple syrup, but I can swing them up and see a sniper setting up a shot. I can't hold off the gunner in the barricade and the sniper up high.
What am I going to do? I wish I could just get them to stop shooting for a moment.
Oh wait, I'm an idiot.
I speed my perception back to normal, take a breath and shout as loud as I can,
S̵̢̛̝͎̀̐̍̈́̉͛̓̒̈́̍̌̄́͂̐̊̀͛̃̏͜͠Ţ̵̱̻͖̪̮͈̦̫̹̝̪̯͚͉̹͕̈́̓́̽̾̏̓͘͘ͅO̸̡̨̡̢̰̼̮͎͓͈̪̟̲̻͑͛͌͋̏̾̈́̎͋͂̇͋͛͆͌̓͐̔̃̆͐͋͑̕͜P̶̨̜͍͇͚̟̪̹̺͖̹̜͕̥̖̅͒̑͌̔͜
I catch my breath and look around. Looks like I'm not being shot at anymore. I turn back and make sure my friends are all right.
Uh oh.
Everyone around me is frozen.
I might have overdone it.
They've all... stopped. Just like I told them, I guess. Omar, Ava and Um'reli are staring at me, unmoving.
"Oh! Sorry! Sorry! Um, ỳ̵̧͖o̷͉̩̊ŭ̷͕̂ ̶̨̤͝ẗ̶̩́ḧ̷̙͖͂r̸̻̈̀e̷͙͒è̴͍̞ can move, please."
All three of them fall over as they regain the ability to move again. Omar was the first to recover. "Melody, what the hell was that?"
"Well we had the shooter over in the barricade, and then I noticed a sniper up on the second floor balcony and I wasn't sure if there was another sniper that I didn't see and I just wanted everyone to stop so I could catch my breath and see what's going on."
He shook his head. "No, I mean, Melody, how did you do all that so fast? The first shot had barely fired when you grabbed your gun, returned fire, and used your Voice."
"Oh that. It turns out that I can adjust the rate that I perceive things. It's not like slowing or speeding up time, just my perception of it."
Um'reli looks at me. "Can we do that too?"
I shrug. "I don't know, but it's not the Voice and it is because of the Nanites so... probably?"
Ava looks at me and reaches into a pocket. She takes out a napkin she must have grabbed at the restaurant and dabs under my nose. "You're bleeding again hon. Is this going to happen every time you exert yourself?"
"I sure hope not." I manage weakly.
"Uh Melody, the shooter?" Omar is pointing at them.
Oh right! I walk over behind the barricade and check them out. It's an Aviens, I don't think I recognize them. They're frozen in the process of reloading. Hmm. I reach down and pluck the magazine from their hands. Are they breathing? Looks like. Whew. Okay, so they just stopped moving but their bodily functions haven't ceased. I wonder if I can do that. Kill people by just telling them to stop breathing.
You can. Some Empresses preferred it as a method of execution.
Mentally, I make a face. That seems a bit much to me.
Dammit. The Administrators are forcing my hand. I don't want to have to order everyone around to get what I want, but I think I'm going to have at at least at first.
It makes sense. You represent a shift in the status quo. They hold the power now, and do not wish to relinquish it. You will have to make them do it. Melody, did you think that you could walk up to them, tell them you were Empress and they'd bow and let you take over?
When you say it that way, it sounds naïve!
Ugh. Fine. I take a breath. Now that I know what it feels like to integrate - at least partially - to the starbase, I wonder if there's anything I can control without being on the Throne.
I reach out and concentrate. Hmm. I can feel the systems, but it's almost like a read-only version. They're fainter, softer. There. That's the starbase public address system. Can I focus on a location, on a building. Ugh, this is hard, I wish I was on my Throne.
"Okay, can you hear me? Check Check Check?"
Ava gasps. "Yes! We can hear you Melody. You're speaking through the starbase? Can everyone hear you?"
"Ideally no. It's supposed to be just this building. But if more people hear it, that's fine. Okay, here goes..."
C̵̣̪̟͇̫̖͐͝ò̶̘̖̠͓̼͈̗́m̵̡͉̰̫̾͐e̵͙̝͕̣̘͋͒̚͠ ̸̛̫̝̳͔͊̅t̷̡̮̤̮̬͚́o̶̝͍̟͚̗͙͝ ̵̺͇̺̜͋̆m̶̧̛̺̮̗̅ȩ̷͙̲͔̦̲̘̍́̾.̴̡̀
Immediately, I see the change through my connection. Silently, people rise from where they are and bein walking towards the lobby where we are. Before long at all, a crow has formed, silent and staring. I glance through the crowd and I can't see the Administrators.
"Where are the Administrators?"
"They are not here, Empress" the crowd replies. Neat!
"Where are they"
Not everyone knows, so only those that do reply. Two Aviens reply in harmony. "They have retreated to a shelter. They hope that you will leave."
"They did not hear my order?"
Stony stares back. Nobody knows.
"I am your Empress, I rule here."
"This is self evident, Empress." they all reply.
"The Administrators' rule has ended. Does anyone dispute this?"
"No, Empress."
"No longer will I tolerate being shot at." I look up at the Sniper. "Any further attempts upon my life or the lives of any other builders will be seen as treason and will be punished severely."
"Yes, Empress."
"Find the Administrators. Bring them before me."
"Yes, Empress."
Oh wait. "Alive please."
"Yes, Empress."
Ava nudges me "Hotel" she hisses.
"Oh yeah! Um, also where is the finest hotel on this Starbase? Me and my Builders need a place to sleep and rest."
One person only, an Azurian speaks. I wonder why? "The Royal Dawn is thought by some to be the finest hotel on this part of Reach of the Might of Vzzx. People make use of it when traveling around the starbase for holy pilgrimages and festival days."
"Why were you the only one who replied?"
"Some didn't know, others had different opinions about lodging. I had a strong conviction that I was right."
I concentrate and try and search for the name. There! I know where it is. I can even see it in my minds eye. Yes, this will do nicely.
"Thank you for your work. Complete your task. You are dismissed."
Everyone strides out of the lobby. Shrugging, I motion to Omar and Ava and Um'reli to follow.
The crowd from the Administrative offices silently walks down the promenade a short distance, crowds outside watching curiously. They reach a door somewhat hidden against a wall and one of them comes forward. It is an Aviens and in their clawed hand is a ring. Attached to the ring is a number of small dots on strings. Is it a key ring? They press one against the door, and it opens with a his of old seals.
A small group of people rush inside, and I can hear a commotion. Before not too long, Starlight on a Moonless Evening, The Smell Of The Ocean and Rapid River Roaring are dragged out. They struggle against the iron grip of the crowd."
I affect a sneer and snarl at them. "Where are the Mariens? Where are Vivvix and Zemmlin?"
"We don't know, Empress! We truly don't know! After we heard The Smell of Soil after Rain's damned congregation coming around and telling everyone to go to the Throne tomorrow, we set up the barricades, tried to set the trap and hid! It is the truth!"
I̶̞̗̽ ̶̨̤̉͂̔ͅą̵͉̥̃ṃ̷̱͈̓́̿ ̶̫̦̃̌̌Ȇ̶̢̱̜͘m̴̢̯̋̚p̶̙͔̪̓̕r̴̘̞͈͒̇͘ë̶̡͖̟́s̵̗̜͒̍s̵̬̆̆͑
"Yes, you are, Empress! You are a just and merciful Empress!" Rapid River Roaring is doing the majority of the talking here, cowering.
"Rapid River Roaring, The Smell of the Ocean, you have one chance. Find Vivvix and Zemmlin or find out where they have gone, and bring the news to me before the celebration tomorrow." They jump to their feet and take off at a run down the promenade. I turn to the last Aviens.
"Starlight, do you have a ship docked here?"
"Yes, Empress, High Line is our starship. It is where we do a majority of our decision making."
"It is spaceworthy?"
Even though my interrogation, Starlight on a Moonless Evening still lets some disappointment and disgust show through. "No, Empress. Our ship's drive failed quite some time ago, and none remain who know how to repair it."
Hmm. An opportunity.
"Starlight, an opportunity presents itself. I find myself without a starship, and you find yourself with a starship in need of repair. Prove your worth to me, and I shall take your ship as my flag carrier, repair it better than you've ever had it, and we shall open the Gate and begin the reconquering of my empire.
At this, Starlight looks up at me, eyes wide. Their body language is unbelieving. "Why would you do that Empress? We conspired to trick you and kill you."
I shrug "I mean, I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. I am choosing to be merciful." I bend down and meet their eyes. "Do not make me regret my choice. When I choose to not be merciful, you will not like it." I stand up tall and look down my nose at the Aviens.
"S̵̡̅̈́ẗ̷̯́̅ȁ̶̧̗͝r̴̨̠͋l̴̢͠í̵̢̮͑g̷̥̒̔͜ḫ̷̊̚ṱ̷̛̘͋ stop breathing."
Starlight looks at me confused, and then tries to take a breath.
And cannot.
Panic fills their eyes. They claw at their throat and thrash around. Their mouth opening and closing with nothing happening. They look up at me imploringly. Their mouth is making motions like they're trying to speak, but with no air they can't.
Omar glares at me "Melody! Let them breathe!"
"S̵̡̅̈́ẗ̷̯́̅ȁ̶̧̗͝r̴̨̠͋l̴̢͠í̵̢̮͑g̷̥̒̔͜ḫ̷̊̚ṱ̷̛̘͋. You may breathe."
Starlight takes huge shuddering gulps of air, panting, their face looking up at me with true fear.
"Remember this, Starlight. I rule here. Even the very air you breathe is under my command."
"Yes, Empress." they pant.
"Tomorrow, after the celebration, we shall visit High Line and see if we can work with it."
"Yes, Empress."
I look at the assembled crowd. "Do you see what I am capable of? I do not offer tricks or games. Serve me well and be rewarded. Fail me, and your very home will reject you bodily."
They reply as one. "Yes Empress."
"You are d̵̯̒̅į̴͗͊s̶̡͎̏m̷͍̆̌͜į̵̪̍s̸͖̓̈́s̶̜̓͝ḙ̶̞̽̈́d̶̯͈̂͗. Go back to work, and finish your tasks."
As the crowd is given back to themselves, they blink and stare at me in horrified fascination. They back away quickly, the people in the rear of the crowd breaking into a run.
After a moment, we're alone again. Um'reli looks at me oddly. "That was... awfully intense Melody. Is that how your rule will be?"
I sigh "I hope not Um'reli, but I think I'm going to have to throw my weight around at least a little to get people to actually believe that I'm in charge here."
She nods "I get it. I do have to admit, it was pretty cool how you did that."
Ava grins "It was SUPER cool. You looked so regal and intense. Very hot."
Omar looks at both of them and then back at me "Am I the only one who is a little freaked out that Melody can stop people from breathing with just a word?"
Ava looks over at Omar and shrugs. "She's the Empress, Omar. Her word is law."
Um'reli smiles "And we're friends with her."
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I tfmr’ed on 5/24/23 because my beautiful daughter had HLHS with other complications. My heart is still absolutely broken. Some questions:

1. What helped you come to peace with your decision if it was a diagnosis that was severe but not considered life threatening (even though HLHS can absolutely be life threatening)? I’m having a hard time being ok from our decision since it sort of felt like a gamble on how well she would handle open heart surgeries etc (which no one would know unless we did not terminate). The extremes of how she could of reacted/handled the medical issues were so wide, of course I think “what if”
   
2. I’m almost 2 weeks out and still bleeding, I’m praying I don’t have retained tissue as I’ve read from some of your posts. I don’t want to go through any more procedures or delay this at all. How long did you all bleed and did you have retained tissue?
   
3. How did you handle trying again? I’m 35 and my husband is 41 so it honestly feels like we don’t get time to process and take a break. Feels like we are having to jump right in after getting my first period (which is frustrating to wait for too since I haven’t stopped bleeding from the procedure-feels like it could be forever until I get my first period)
   
4. I need some positive thoughts and stories and successful healthy pregnancies after. We have a miscarriage late last year and then this TFMR so I’m feeling really low. We are going to a geneticist just in case but I’m absolutely terrified we are not going to be able to have a healthy baby.
   

Thank you, any and all thoughts or suggestions. I feel so drained from everything, swinging from sad to angry and back again. I had to go to my moms wedding yesterday and plaster a smile on my face to my whole family so I didn’t ruin the day for my mom. I came home and crashed because I’m so drained.

Hello everyone,
I was actually a long time member of this sub over the first 5 years I've struggled under my severe folliculitis on Scalp + Face. 2 years ago when it started going away permanently i actually even stopped thinking about it entirely which is why i deleted my acc.
I had Gram-negative Folliculitis and believe me when i say that I've been on any possible treatment that was roaming around this sub. From Accutane and antibiotics to every possible topical treatment available under the sun, BP, Isopropyl alcohol, oils, even bleaching agent and many many more. My desperation knew no limit.
2 years ago after a severe breakdown I've decided to stop all treatments and accept my fate. 6 months after that I've started wetshaving and that's where I've found my cure. It's called "alum-block"
For those that may not know what it is here a short google description.
"An alum block is a mineral block made of potassium alum, a compound that has antiseptic and astringent properties. The antiseptic properties of the alum block offer protection against disease-causing microorganisms, while the astringent properties help reduce inflammation and bleeding.
Generally, an alum block is used after shaving to soothe the skin, prevent the spread of bacteria, and reduce bleeding associated with minor nicks and cuts. It can also be used to prevent some of the more annoying side effects of shaving, such as razor burn and ingrown hairs."
This thing seriously cured my folliculitis and completely got rid of it on my face to 100% while I'm cured on my scalp for like 98% and that for nearly 2 entire years!
I've experimented by letting my hair grow out several times but it seems like the folliculitis is incapable to come back, at worst i get a few red spots after weeks of not shaving and a pimpel here and there but that can't even be called a skin issue.
For some reason it only works when you shave. Rubbing it on your Skin without shaving does nothing, but whenever i shaved and applied the alum-block everything disappeared week by week ( i only shave once a week head and face) to a point nothing is left.
Nearly 2 years past and I'm confident now that I've managed to defeat the folliculitis, it's a thing of the past for me and i finally stopped thinking about it.
It was a hard decision to go bald in my mid 20s but it's a decision i do not regret. Whoever is desperate enough to try it the alum-block is laughably cheap, like less than 10$, and mine is in use for over 2 years. I recommend the one from "Osma alum-block". After your shave dip the alum-block in cold water and rub it on all areas.
My theory is that the closer to the skin you shave the better as the alum-block might reach very deep into the follicle and get rid of the inflammation which is why i recommend shaving against the grain but for starters shaving with the grain is also sufficient (as did i and it worked).
Additionally I've stopped shampooing which got rid of my itchy and dry scalp.
I really hope this beautiful little thing brings you as much peace as it did me. You can buy them on Amazon.

Here's the numbers:
Disability Income: $5100 monthly -------------------------------------------------------- Rent: $3000 monthly (was lower but I missed a few months and I have to pay them back) - this is an unleased agreement but I've been here for over 2 years and it is in California so I'm pretty sure there's a set of laws that apply anyway. Moving into cheaper housing seems like something I'd want to do, but it seems extremely difficult given my condition to actually properly do this. I'll explain more below. Credit Card Bills: Bank Account credit line + emergency loans - $600 monthly ($450 MMP, $17000 balance), it is already 37 days past due, if it reaches 60 days my account can close, but that's the account I receive disability into via direct deposit so that seems like not an option. I'm trying to get another disability insurance policy on this account to pay off the monthly payments but my previous policy expired after two years and my conditions are all interrelated so even though I have new diagnoses it seems somewhat unlikely I will get another policy approved... Phone - $149 monthly, I have no idea why Verizon is so goddamn expensive. I had the highest internet plan previously because I was jumping around Airbnb to Airbnb trying to stay afloat and didn't have consistent internet. I think if I revise to remove the internet plan it's still like $119 monthly. Part of that is paying off my phone, but I had to get a new phone anyway because my old one stopped functioning. I probably should have just gotten a cheap phone and revised the plan to be as cheap as possible but what's done is done. Best Buy CC - $300 past due, $49 MMP ($2500 balance) Amazon Store Card - $50 MMP ($700 balance) Apple Card - $204 past due, $100 MMP ($3000 balance) Other Expenses: Uber: (don't drive, live pretty far from a bus-stop, and too sick to walk much) - Averages $400 monthly Food+water: Varies, I've spent no less than $1100 in one month in the last 6 years due to my condition and being forced to try more, different foods all the time. Average is around $1500 monthly Medical Debt Collections: $XXXXX - this isn't even known how much it is at this point. All of my ambulances and hospitalizations and such after insurance coverage there's still usually $1000+ left over. There has been some hospitalizations that were denied by the provider which was then United Healthcare so that just adds 5 figures of cancer to that. I haven't even been paying this because I just can't. I have no idea what to do about that. I haven't gotten a summons as of yet.
So yeah if you sum the bottom set of numbers that is $6150 monthly, far greater than $5100 monthly... I've only gotten by because of sheer luck, and maxing out credit lines that were established when I was healthy and working. Like, I was screwed two years ago, then I got a disability policy approved for my credit line that gave me $10,000. I stretched that out to last a couple of years but yea since March that has been gone.
Legally, I'm able to work for up to about $1100 a month without risking losing disability, but (1) I do not trust private disability companies to not try to screw me over anyway (2) I was doing Computer Science tutoring for a while but my number of students has decreased to basically 0 ever since ChatGPT came out : (3) It seems potentially feasible to try and do this anyway, but if I did this and after three months or something my disability case was reopened and they decided hey even though you worked 10 hours a week at the maximum we think you're not disabled enough to remain on policy so we're ending your policy, then I'd be actually screwed. I've been hospitalized every six months in dire straits almost dying for the past 3 years. It has been a rough ride.
The condition: ------------------------- After god knows how many years I finally got diagnosed with a mast cell disorder. I'm like allergic to everything. It is completely a unreasonable condition to live with. I have to take all these anti-histamines and still have to switch foods all the time because otherwise I develop anaphylaxis to existing foods. I also develop anaphylaxis to many environments so it is really hard to find a home or place to consistently stay because often times I will be fine for the first day, then no longer fine after a couple of weeks, hence the Airbnb hopping I did literally since 2018. The place I'm in right now yeah it's really overpriced but I've tolerated it and been here since the end of 2020... Having to switch foods all the time means I am forced to spend a lot of money on food. I cannot just eat rice and beans every day. I have anaphylaxis to both of those. I had this condition for about 3 years before I was told to go on disability by my boss. I had to miss work all the time because of anaphylaxis episodes. When I got exceedingly malnourished I was completely unproductive and unable to work. So... yeah. I don't really see how it's possible for me to work. I haven't had any problems maintaining disability with both the private company and social security ever since it started. I qualified for IHSS and I have Medicare and Medi-CAL but do not qualify for foodstamps, so maybe there's some utility with those.
Options: ------------------------ 1.) Move into cheaper housing somehow [how? I don't have enough money for a deposit and my credit isn't great now, and because of my condition I'm not very hygienic and it seems like there's not a whole lot I can do about that, so....] 2.) Go to foodbanks with IHSS help and try those foods [may not work] 3.) Only travel via IHSS and MediCAL transportation and never Uber [doesn't work when I'm in anaphylaxis] 4.) Get help from family [already tried] 5.) Consolidation loan + all of the above? [????????] 6.) Get paid UTT for software/computer science help [extremely unreliable and risky]
Like... What the actual fuck do I even do?

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A dream is a mental construct. Whenever one falls asleep they experience vivid hallucinations. These are impossible to record or properly re-account.
Psychosis is a mental condition where the victim experiences very disturbing hallucinations or thoughts. Think of things like schizophrenia, Then take the effects of that condition and amplify it. Psychosis victims report hearing whispers, Seeing bugs crawl on their skin and see the faces of people they have never met.
When I studied psychology I learnt about these things and they fascinated me. I went on to get a degree in psychological study and have been working as a psychologist and health scientist for 17 years.
I was contacted by my facility about a matter of a psychosis patient, While rare I have stumbled upon many of them and they act the same. In-consistent nonsensical babbling and severe PTSD. Most of the cases are results of tripping on acid but some are caused from depression and schizophrenia. This case was different.
When i arrived the patient seemed to be normal. When i sat down with her she opened up before i could even speak. "Doctor. Alexander." She took a deep breath. "I see dreams when I'm awake, Not hallucinations. Right now when i look at you, All i see is spots across your face. Like polka dots." I had to process this for a moment. "Dreams you say." I started to think.
"Y-Yeah.. Dreams, Nothing is normal, Every piece of furniture in this room looks different from each other, Like that vase behind you, It’s not right.. It looks.. Folded in.. Like an origami vase.. I can't describe it."
I didn't understand her. Dreams? This doesn't seem like psychosis.After a few hours of talking about what she has been seeing, How she feels and if her mind is feeling foggy, The only thing i could partially diagnose was severe schizophrenia.
"Take this prescription of Haloperidol, Take 2 a day, 1 in the morning and 1 at night. If you have more issues, come back here and we can discuss it. In 2 weeks I will do a mental health re-evaluation so I can see progress."
There were no issues for around a week until I got an urgent call. "Sir. One of your patients, Jane, Shes gone batshit fucking crazy, Like seriously she cant even talk without screaming that something is taking her soul, we need you down here NOW.”
I rushed down to my facility, Thoughts raced through my head "Has she stopped taking her meds?"I shook all those thoughts off as i swerved into the parking lot, As i darted inside the familiar jingle of the bell above the door startled me "Fucking bell.." I whispered under my breath as I ran faster than I have before.
When I arrived at the emergency care block I heard the screaming from the entrance. It was deep guttural wails that filled with so much dread it hurt my heart to listen to. When I stormed in there, Jane stood there on the ground covered in blood.
"THEY ARE HOLDING ME. SOMEBODY STOP THEM. SOMEBODY PLEASE"
She was screaming bloody murder and her mouth was bleeding. When I saw her state I immediately asked one of the nurses for a sedative to reduce her condition.
As she went I stood there with her trying to comfort her."What do you see jane." I overcame her wails with a calm demeanor and all of a sudden everything stopped. She seemed normal.
"They.. They stopped. They are staring at you."I looked at her calmly. I knew these were psychosis symptoms and I started to comfort her."Jane, You are experiencing very vivid hallucinations. It is called schizophrenic psychosis. Have you been taking the prescription I gave you?"
"Y..Yes doctor i have but.. it doesn't work, Everywhere i go i see the same things i saw before, Except this time everything seems more cold.. Beforehand everything seemed more colorful. Now it is damp."
"Jane, I am going to have to check you into this facility for a full psychiatric re-examination and study. If this is not schizophrenia, I will have to figure out what it really is so I can properly diagnose you and get you the help you need."
She began to cry terribly. "w..why can't i just be normal, why me? what have i done?" I began to pat her back as i sighed. "Let me help you up" as i stood i reached my hand out. As she grabbed it i almost yelped. She was extremely cold, Almost frozen. My hand felt pain as she held it but I pushed on as she stood.
"I will have some nurses check you in and we will begin tomorrow. Please signal for help if you see anything, we will try and get you the right medication to stop it.. But I can't guarantee anything, We don't know what we are dealing with."
As I walked off to check out I signaled to the front desk to call the nurses for Jane's psychiatric re-evaluation. They nodded and they called into the intercom "We need 3 available for psych unit 7"
The sounds muffled as I walked out, I felt really bad for jane. But I knew she was getting help.
As i arrived home the warm smell of the autumn trees luminated like a light. I felt more calm as I walked through my door. The gentle creaking of the hinges made me cringe as I shut the door. The warm air rushed out of the room as I walked to the kitchen.
As I grabbed my bottle of rum I got a call. "What the fuck is it now.." I sort of just waddled over agitated. I checked the caller ID and noticed that it was an unknown caller. Out of habit I declined the call and went back to my bench. As I poured the rum the iridescent smell of pleasure filled the air.
The phone rang once more. As I sighed I walked over and answered the unknown caller. "Hello Dr. Alexander, How may I help you."
"Good evening Dr. Alexander, We are here to identify a patient of yours, Jane Myers correct?"
Confused, I confirmed his assumption "Yes that's right, What is it?"
"Sir I work for a certain agency, I can't tell you its policy. Tomorrow we will be at your front desk awaiting your arrival. It's to do with her condition. If you believe this is a wrong contact, please confirm so we can move on."
I was extremely confused at this point, I thought it was a prank at first but it all seemed serious. There was no underlying tone to his voice, it seemed raspy, he sounded too old to be a prank caller.
"Uh.. Okay? I'll make sure to be there by 12:00 PM."
The call ended abruptly as I whispered to myself.
"What the fuck..."
I kind of shook it all off, Maybe it was her family? I don't know but I'll figure it out tomorrow. The rest of the night went uneventful and as i faded off to sleep i thought of jane. I dreamt about terrible black figures standing above me and Jane on the floor of the psychiatric unit. They were almost fuzzy, like blurry, I couldn't properly conceive their appearance, they were just human shaped blurry structures.
When I finally woke up it was 10:30 pm. I woke up later than usual so I rushed to get ready. As I finished getting dressed I poured myself some coffee, as I sipped on the hot beverage the aroma of earth filled my nose. I felt relaxed, I thought to myself "Today will be a good , happy day." I was trying to make myself feel better about the coming events.
When I arrived at my facility I saw a black car with tinted windows outside the front. "Must be them." I said to myself as I wandered through the door, The bell startled me and I kind of froze for a second. I finally collected my thoughts and I saw 2 men in plain black suits. They stood up to greet me as if they knew who I was.
"Hello Dr. Alexander, My name is Harry and this is my partner Sam. We are here about your patient Jane Myers, It is to do with her condition. May we see her?" I said "Why do you need to see her?"
They both adjusted their positions and Sam said
"We are with the government, We are here to review this patient's condition. We cannot tell you why but it is important, It is research and we believe she has a rare condition. "
I thought for a moment before finally obliging. As I led them down the plain white halls I started to get more anxious, I started to overthink "Are they here to kill her?" I shook off the thoughts. They were stupid, Simply just speculation.
As we arrived at psych unit 7 we walked in to see Jane on the bed being talked to by some nurses and another psych doctor. As they walked in they shut the door behind them. "What we are about to tell you is to be upmost classified among only you"
Everyone looked at each other extremely confused but before any questions were asked they opened up.
"Jane, You have a condition called petriscarphy Dream Psychosis. It is a condition where well.. Instead of you falling asleep to dream, You see them awake. You are the only known suspected subject with this rare condition. We want to record what you see. A team will be arriving soon to set-up the right conditions for this to be possible."
As Harry finished his sentence I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing.. Were they being serious? Before I could do anything, The other psych doctor in the room, His name was Terry, Stood up and got in the 2 men's faces. They remained calm as he spouted off at them.
"What the fuck do you think your doing? Are you joking? That is nonsense, I request you leave immediately before I call security."
The 2 men stood there silent as Terry stared at them. He had a crazy look in his eye and then he shoved harry. The moment he touched him, Sam grabbed a pistol out from the underside of his jacket and aimed at Terry.
"Sir. Calm down, I assure you this is not a joke. We are being perfectly cooperative with you but if you try to do anything like that again then I will be forced to put you down."
I remember the phrasing of that sentence "Put you down" He spoke like he was a higher being and was about to just.. Phase Terry out of existence.
As Terry backed up, shocked he sat back down and became silent. I swear I could hear the air in the room, Not for long however. Jane began to sob and wail softly. "They are back.. They are upset, They don't want you recording them, Please.. Go.. Don't do this. They will kill me. PLEASE"
She pleaded with the men but they stood in silence. After 5 minutes of Jane's agonizing wailing we heard the sounds of frantic footsteps and before long, men in white coats and masks entered the room. They had a label on their coats. It was a blue circle with black in the middle, It had the initials above it "N.A.O.S"
"We are here for Ja-" They stood silent as she continued wailing
"JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE"
She grew silent as she sat there un-moving.
That's when she slipped unconscious, Slouching over into her bed and making no sound. We sounded an alarm that a patient had fallen unconscious and nurses rushed in ignoring the men. After around an hour we stabilized her.
The man stood around in silence and once everyone was out but me and Terry, They got to work. I watched as one of the white coated men pulled out a small vial with a blue liquid in it. He grabbed a syringe and started to draw the liquid. It looked viscous and bubbled at the top as he finally pulled out the syringe.
After he was done the 4 other men in the room grabbed out small pieces of equipment and started to arrange it. The parts clacked together and made the same sound as metal being dropped onto a hard surface. The echoes of the screeching sound made me cringe once again.
When it was done it looked like a microscope was attached to a plate with glass in the middle. A camera lens was attached and the coated man squirted a small amount of the viscous blue liquid onto the plate and then he grabbed another device. It looked like something out of some saw movie.
It was a dome shaped metal helmet with tubes running out from 4 holes surrounding where the head should go. These tubes ran to a socket in the device. I started to feel sick "What the fuck is all this" I murmured angrily. "This is a device that is used to transmit the electrical waves inside the patients head and can be transferred to this magnoscope to then print out the photographs. The liquid you see is well.. I actually can't tell you, It's not that simple, But it's classified."
I started to boil with anger. This was inhumane, Finding someone's terrible condition and using it for research instead of helping them? I was considering trying to stop them but I knew they had guns. There's no way I was leaving either.
Finally after a few minutes of assembly they attached the device to Jane's head and a sound started to play. It was like the sound you expect electricity to make, a little quiet constant zapping with the occasional crackle.
As i watched jane she started to twist and turn in discomfort even though she was unconscious, I felt so fucking bad for her, Everything about this was so twisted, It seemed so.. Wrong.
As she squirmed and fiddled the sounds started to fade as the liquid that was on that glass plate had turned to a deep red color, almost like blood. As I stood looking at it I smelt the sensation of chemicals, like bleach and drain cleaner.
I started to feel like I was going to break down. My mind was literally foggy as I stared at this contraption. Another sound started up, It was like that of a printer but much quieter, I could barely hear it. As I stared at the pictures being pushed out from the side I started to feel more nauseous. Something about this felt wrong. I couldn't describe it.
Finally the coated men approached the pictures and they examined them. The moment one of them looked at one of those pictures he froze in place and looked shocked. I could see the look of fear in that man's eyes. As he stared longer and longer he started to shake uncontrollably. After an agonizing few seconds he grabbed the syringe with the remaining liquid and screamed.
"WE HAVE TO KILL IT, WE MUST BANISH IT, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT"
The man's once professional manor turned into malice and hatred as he injected Jane with this syringe full of this liquid. She immediately started to seize, a Black goo was coming from her mouth and she flatlined almost immediately.
Sam and harry immediately upholstered there weapons and aimed at the man
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING" Sam screamed at the man, Finally he lunged at them, Immediately 2 ringing gunshots sounded as the man fell, Everything went to shit, Screaming and crying occurred throughout the unit and that was when i took my chance to run, Not before grabbing the photos however. As I ran the screams echoed and the sobbing and crying of other patients sounded.
I made it out to my car and swerved out of the lot. I almost hit another car but i managed to narrowly avoid it and race home, My heart was beating so fast it felt like i was about to have a heart attack. As I made it into my driveway I took no time grabbing the photos and my bag and rushing right inside.
When i made it in i slammed my door shut, The creaking didnt phase me this time, Nothing did, I was focused on getting away from whatever the fuck had just happened.
When I finally calmed down enough to function I sat down with the photos and looked at them. Dear god, The terrors this woman must have faced.
The first photo had a black and white vivid pattern, In amongst it i could see an opaque face, It was perfectly symmetrical, Almost too perfect, The faded patterns ran through it like a vintage photo but the only detail i saw were the eyes, In the pupils i saw another cascade of photos, It was the same perfect face over and over. I counted how many I could.. I counted 9.
That one disturbed me, It felt ominous and had an almost aura around it, It was clearly a sinister vision, It was... Really odd to me however, This wasn't what Jane had described to me as her visions.
The next photo is why I'm writing this. Why I'm ready to accept death from the organizations that conduct these inhumane things. I saw a structure, In around it was a show with white fade, But the center had a very recognisable shape. It was a single long line with more lines stretching off of it, they formed a pattern that looked like a spider, well kind of. The thing that disturbed me was the one word that stood under it.
It was in an almost unrecognizable state, it was scribbly, faded and pretty much blurred, but I could read it. There stood the single word: Universe.
That was when i thought i was hallucinating, I started to feel sick, I dry heaved and eventually vomited as i stared at the photo, It doesn't sound disturbing when i put it into words but when you look at it... It almost seems fake, like a vision of its own.
It's been a week since then. The facility is closed and I doubt it's gonna open soon. I've been staring at this photo for a long time, A very long time. And I swear whenever I look away I see blurry dark faces staring back at me.
They will be here soon to take what's theirs. This is my final message. Goodbye.

so i’m 1 hour in taking misoprostol and i’m already starting to get a bit of cramping but nothing major, i inserted the pills vaginally all at once (4 pills) and i’m not sure i’ve done this properly tbh, it’s my first abortion and i just hope this works, i don’t know what to expect i’m just hopefully waiting till i start to pass the pregnancy cause it really has taken a toll in my mental health, i’m patiently waiting till i start bleeding, genuine question for anyone that has done this before, did anyone just feel like…. out of it? i’m kind of starting to get dizzy and just feel like my mind can’t focus on anything rn, i have work tomorrow so hopefully i’ll be feeling fine by tomorrow morning, i’m terrified of what’s about to happen to me these next few hours, i feel like i won’t feel relieved till the doctors tell me i’m no longer pregnant.

Phillips: "No." 

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Part Twenty-Two
Trains and Tails... In Space!
>>> Outer Colony - Yn Gyntaf Ymhlith y Ser <<<
>>> Starport - Diwrnod heulog, Bob dydd <<<
>>> Frontier Standard Date: 21-03-104 <<<
Shore leave for the group finally rolled around and so the little gathering rode a shuttle down planetside. Seren, Eira, Scanner, Zana and the seven Bridge Bunny brothers. Claiomh fada, Sciath bhabhta, Casur cogaidh. Saighead direach, Miodog gearr, Dhorn tapaidh, and Blath dearg. Most just referred to them as the Bridge Bunnies as a running gag with the crew and because they tended to do everything together. They were one of the few survivors of a raid and had been forced to fend for themselves for a month before aid would arrive. Ever since they had been practically inseparable. For Conin they were unusually quiet and reserved, except when on the bridge or playing games. When they had learned that Seren was a raid survivor as well they had opened up to him greatly. Of all the crew it was the Bridge Bunnies that empathized the most with the Dynol's struggles to cope with the aftermath of surviving.
Seren had packed some sunscreen and a complete survival kit, much to Eira's chagrin and amusement. "I keep forgetting you Dynol burn so easy." She herself had packed a few things but was keeping them secret. "Five bottles though?"
"Right. Yn Gyntaf Ymhlith y Ser is a hotter world due to a slightly closer orbit to its star. Higher UV index than even my skin can likely handle. So does not hurt to be prepared." he explained as they prepared to disembark.
"The forests provide alot of shade though so you should be fine. Now get ready!" Eira churred in anticipation.
The disembarkation ramp lowered and the shore leave team stepped down into a very bright world.
Seren got to the bottom and nearly got run over by the others as he stood there gawking. "...the screw?" The port itself was enough to cause him to pause. The style was reminiscent of Ancient Earth and the American Wild West with a heavy dose of Victorian England. A mixture of stone, brick and wooden structures. The usually angular straight Llygoden Fawr font adorning shops and signs was more curly, almost like question marks rather than straight or angled lines.
"...the screw?" The mode of dress though was more like the styles of Sixteen-Hundred era Age of Sail. Elaborate dresses and vests, broad collars and adorned hats. Sweeping gowns, snug bodices, and even boots which were a rarity amongst any of the starfaring species other than the Dynol and Rana/Salamandra.
But the real "... the screw?" were the people. At first glance they were your average Llygoden Fawr. That is until it settled in that something was wrong with this picture. The most striking was the tail. It was a fluffy bush to put any Vulpes-Vulpes to shame in its luxurious fullness. The faces were not as long and the eyes were a bit larger than average. The ears too were different, standing up and pointed. "Giant space squirrels... the screw???"
Eira was enjoying Seren's reaction and the others were getting a chuckle from it as well. "ahhhhh! Worth keeping it a secret just to see you phased by something."
"That is an understatement." he admitted as he continued to gawk.
Eira led her companion out of the way of the other visitors and explained. "Mutation. Similar to the splits in the Vulpes. Happened about a hundred years ago and with each generation instances increased ten percent. Some radiation from the sun was the cause, again much like with the Vulpes. There were some other less pleasant birth defects, some lethal, that we had to do extensive genetic screening to cull from the populace. The people now are a stable mutation and have been designated Wiwer Fawr."
"Do not stand outside unprotected long. Got it." He took in the sight and then a huge grin spread as he saw something pulling into a station off in the distance. A train. Or more to the point. A Llygoden Fawr style mono-wheel steam train. And after a bit he saw some of the squirrel folk ride past mounted on what looked nothing so much as a four-legged sparrow head... "Ok. That is something you do not see every day either." A carriage pulled by one of these beasts passed as well not long after that.
"Coesau plu? Yeah. They are native to the homeden and we exported the hardier ones here. We used to ride them in our early civilization stages. The electromagnetic field of the planet during stormy season messes with electronics to the point it was more cost efficient to just transplant the coesau plu and use them as mounts and drays like in olden times." She pointed at the mono-wheel train pulling to the distant station. "And same for the trains. It's like stepping back in time a thousand years."
"I take it the archaic mode of dress is protective?"
"Got it in one. All of a sudden the hat business saw a boom."
Seren glanced around thoughtfully. "If the planet is that troublesome then why colonize it?"
"It is one of the few we have come across with a breathable atmosphere, tolerable environment, and isn't bathed in lethal radiation. And the asteroid belt is big and mineral rich. The land itself does wonders for plant life as you can see." Eira pointed at the tremendous looking forest off to the east from the starport. "Colonists have adapted to an arboreal city structure away from the starport. The giant trees afford extensive protection from the sun." Here the white furred rat woman gave a little shudder. "Wouldn't catch me living way up there!"
"Says the rat girl who lives in a home that is hanging from the ceiling of a cave." So teased the Dynol.
"Hey now. Stone is very safe!"
Seren noted though that the common tricorn-like hats many males wore made sense from a protective design standpoint. The forward point shaded the snout and the back points shaded the ears. He got an explanation from Eira that the clothes also served to bleed off excess heat and had a passive cooling system built into every garment. "So why the archaic dress style?" he questioned.
Eira grinned. "A chunk of the early colonists turned out to be historical re-enactment buffs and since the buildings were less high tech why not have fun with it? The idea caught on and now it's their cultural thing. There is even a recreation of a thousand year old town and surrounding farmsteads further north in the cooler zone."
The Dynol took all this in and smiled more and more. "So what is the plan then?" he asked wile pulling out his silver reflective rat mask and donning it. The mask was treated against UV so was a better choice than his usual blister goggles. "I think we are all going to need at least hats pronto, yes?" Said with a worried glance at Scanner, Zana and the Bridge Bunnies who were all shielding their eyes with a paw as the looked around. "I doubt any of us wants to be holed up in a hotel all week right?"
"Right. There's a hat shop nearby for exactly that and right next door a visor shop. Both accommodate large folk." the Security Tech informed them. But I have something for you first." Here she pulled out a hat that was like a tall sloping hill with the long point in front and just a single short back facing point. Set in it was a white feather. "One of my distant cousins gave me this last visit. Never quite suited my style. But the blue happens to match your usual taste in off duty colors."
Seren accepted the gift and tried it on. "How do I look?"
Eira churrred with pleasure. "mmmmm! With the mask on you look like the Phantom Rider!" We need to get you fully dressed up now!"
"uh-oh!"
Scanner and the others of the party were still busy gawking as they had never actually made planetfall in all the years of being on Patrol. "Well this is different." the grey Backeneko drawled in amusement at the sight of the fluffy tailed Wiwer Fawr and the peculiar architecture.
Zana was looking wide eyed in delight at everything and her fluffy tail was practically vibrating with excitement. "They are so adorable!"
"Miss Zana. Please refrain from terrorizing the countryside hugging everything." Seren deadpanned. Vulpes-Canis were a very touchy-feely people and the large curly haired dog girl was like the poster pup for her species. She liked to just pick up the Dynol and hug him to death, or on coinciding lunch breaks she would sit him in her lap and idly pet him. The other Vulpes-Canis on the Patrol Carrier would do the same. Just not as grabby as the Wraith Pilot. She at least did not handle him while he was working. But she would sit and just raptly watch him work. The big dog folk's fascination with Dynol was well documented.
"Oh come on! I let you go... eventually." was accompanied by Zana's merry barking laughter and wagging tail.
Seren had to admit that the starfighter pilot had the reflexes to back up her rampant people pouncing. She could also beat him eight times out of ten at go-cart racing. "So what's the plan then Eira? You -did- have a plan? Riiiiight?" he nudged the rat alien.
"Sure do. I pre-ordered some steam train tickets to the great northern city of Gaer Garreg Werdd yn y Goedwig. It is a recreation of a fortress city from the homeden that was a major steam hub back in the day. It's now a sort of historical re-enactment with people acting out living the way folk used to." She displayed for all a paper map and traced a claw from the starport to their intended destination. "Big tourist attraction and there's a regular re-enactment of a raid by the Crwydriaid y Mor yn Dwyn Gwaywffyn, sea going aboriginals who raided inland every few years well into our early steam age. Quite a nuisance."
"Australia gets invaded by Hawaii." quipped the Dynol.
"I have no idea what you are referencing. But I know it is something embarrassing!"
They all made haste to the hat shop and it was Seren's turn to be embarrassed at being complimented for his Phantom Rider cosplay. Eira had her own hat as well. A white tricorn with a badge pinned to one side and several short square-ish red feathers sticking out back of it. "This is my dad's hat. He used to live here for a few years before getting his hauler gig."
"What is the badge for?" Asked one of the Bridge Bunnies.
"Ah that was for rescuing some folk who got lost in the deep forests. Dad was a pretty good tracker." Eira explained while tracing a finger round the brass badge. "The feathers represent how many people he saved. Six total."
The Bridge Bunnies each purchased high topped broad rimmed black hats with a green band around the base. They looked a bit like triangular witch hats with the point removed. Zana selected bonnet and Scanner donned her own green wild west style hat with one side pinned up. All the head-ware had built in heat dissipation materials to help disperse built up UV warming.
Next they ambled over to the clothes shop and here Eira helped Seren pick out a long coat in blue that went with his hat. "Yeah! Very Phantom Rider now! Just need to get you a silver steam pistol and a white coesau plu."
"Eira... Is this a vacation? Or dress up doll?"
"Why not both?"
Scanner picked out a woman's riding outfit in green while the seven lapine brothers all selected elegant coats and pants with buckled shoes. They looked reminiscent of Spanish aristocrats dressed so. Especially with the frilly lace. Zana dressed in a gown that spread out in all directions. She blushed so much it was visible through her cheek fur when Seren teased that she could hide all of the Bridge Bunnies under her petticoats.
All done with basic shopping they stopped by to say hello to Eira's distant cousin. This fellow was a Wiwer Fawr of a light brown fur pattern and blue eyes. "Eira ar y Blodau! Been three years since saw you last! Welcome Welcome!" He looked over the masked Dynol curiously. "Why are you so cute with that mask on? I am Gwynt Drwy'r Canghennau. You must be Llygaid Llawn o Ser my cousin has written about?"
"Probably unless she has more than one Dynol wrapped up in her tail." grinned the Systems Tech.
Gwynt grinned at that. "If the rumors are true then just one of you is more than enough." The squirrel-like alien and the human exchanged the double paw clasp greeting and then everyone padded over to an shaded eatery sized for small and large folk. "You hit a good time to visit. This is the cool season. Temperature will spike for three months during the hot storm season. Warm rain and high winds. Great for the plant life. But whooo! Don't plan on traveling!"
They got to try out the local quinine including bara haen fewnol, which was akin to a calzone stuffed with cheeses, a white cream sauce, ground nuts, lettuce and carrot equivalents, and strips of coesau plu meat for the omnivores in the group. Scanner and Zana had roast coesau plu with a selection of greens the two carnivores could ingest. From the store owner Seren learned that the Cozi Mari was picking up a shipment of meat to supplement the more carnivore sided crew's diets.
Gwynt would be joining the group as their guide while planet-side. Mostly just an excuse to catch up with Eira and socialize with aliens. "Not many offworlders stay long for obvious reasons. Too bad you Dynol can not improve the conditions here like are on the other colony."
"I am no terraforming expert, but the problem here is a bit more involved. Fixing it would require moving the planet's orbit or thickening the atmosphere to increase UV shielding. Any of which might disrupt the ecology established here." suggested Seren. "That is even assuming we could alter the orbit without wrecking the planet."
"Tis what I heard last time it was discussed. The trees here are dependent on the increased solar intake and adding more cloud cover might well cause them to weaken or outright die. There's also worry that thickening the atmosphere could increase the intensity and duration of the storms we get." A flick of the squirrel's bushy tail fore-back-fore showing his reluctant acceptance of that.
"It is a planet we Dynol would have passed on during survey simply because it would be more likely to make things worse trying to make it more agreeable for habitation. As is you need alot of tech solutions to stay here right?"
"Correct. But it is not bad once you get used to it and we have adapted to the environment slowly."
"At a cost." Seren pointed out.
Gwynt nodded. "At a cost yeah."
Seren shrugged. "Maybe in time a better solution can be had. Right now the tech just has not caught up to being able to handle a situation like this. So you are to be commended for sticking it out and finding solutions outside the box."
That perked up the tan furred squirrel and after everyone had eaten and gotten a drink they set about picking up another local to join on the trip. That being Gwynt's fiance Erlid Awyr y Nos. Erlid was a solid pitch black of fur and had bright red eyes. She was a shipping clerk for the starport. She also complimented Seren on his Phantom Rider cosplay. Much to Eira's continued entertainment at the Dynol's expense.
Finally it came time to board the train and Seren got to see first hand a functional and fully restored mono-wheel steam train. The engine and tender were were Thirty meters long and the main engine consisted of four interlinked mono-wheels. The series engine was surprisingly powerful and the train could pull eight-hundred unit-tons. Eira explained a little of the history as everyone boarded. "Very early on we developed parallel wheel designs. But one experimental company pushed for the mono-wheel design and it gained popularity and quickly muscled out other designs."
Gwynt added to this. Mono-wheels have always been a design aspect of transportation and no one is exactly sure when it supplanted other styles of wheels. Part of the success was very early gear and stabilizing breakthroughs."
"Due to the stopping problems when not used in series?" guessed Seren.
"Exactly. Early mono-bikes were more than a little harrowing to stop at speed." Gwynt grinned. "But were too fun to drop for safer designs. The basis worked fine. It was the sudden stops that kept leading to accidents. Speed laws were for a good while very strict. But people were always pushing it when out away from the dencities. Eventually someone hit on a pivoting gyro system to counter the rotation problem. The trains did not suffer that problem and just needed stationary bracing legs when at a stop."
The passenger cars were luxurious with padded seats and even a dining and lounge car. The sleeping cars were just as finely crafted of metal and wood. Each car of the mono-train was accessible via two doors, one on either side of each car's center-line wheel. Some luggage and cargo was packed into the lower parts of each sphere that comprised a car. The ride was scheduled to take a twenty-two hour day to cover some one-thousand kilo-units distance.
And so plans were made as to what to do during the shore leave at the re-enactment site and surrounding tree-city.
<<<<><<<<><<<<>>

It’s been 8 months since I’ve spoken to or seen my real dad. I went no contact after my parents’ divorce made me finally accept that he is a narcissist and will never change. As someone who suspects they may have CPTSD, the divorce triggered me immensely and sent me into an emotional flashback. As a result, I became pretty much non-functional and lost my job. I had no other option but to move back in with my mother.
In the 6 months I’ve been at home, things have gotten continually worse. I am officially at rock bottom. I have sent out about 400-500 job applications, only to be rejected or ignored by every single one. Even food service and retail jobs that pay $8/hr won’t take me. Mind you, I have a degree, corporate work experience, and food service experience… I am officially out of cash or savings and am completely dependent on my credit card. Not to mention the credit card debt I’ve racked up…
Living with my mom has been a living hell. I am her parent and she is my child. She is emotionally abusive and never fails to tear me down. After 6 months of being abused like I was as a child, I’m at my wits end. I have finally realized that I will never have the parents I deserve — the only parents I’ve ever known have made me feel unlovable, selfish, lazy, and like a burden for my entire life. I’m ready to prioritize myself for the first time. I know I will never be happy as long as I live with her.
I am so lucky to have amazing friends. I finally opened up about my situation to them, and they wasted no time in helping me. Because of them, not only do I have rent money for this month and a place to stay, but also a possible job lined up as a server at a fine dining restaurant. Not only that, but I have met an amazing guy who makes me feel safe and is teaching me that I am lovable as I am.
Tomorrow, I am moving out of my mom’s house. Though I don’t have money or a job, I know I need to do this. I am so unsure of my future and incredibly stressed, but I will finally be free of the last toxic person in my life. Tomorrow is the start of living life for me. No more being responsible for mom’s happiness.
To my real dad, I wish you saw how special I am. To my mom, I wish you would just love and accept me for who I am. But now, I’m taking the power back that you have taken away from me. I am my own person with my own life to live, and I’m done bending over backwards to appease you. I hope you get help and realize the hurt you cause people, but I won’t expect that to happen.
I’m finally feeling hopeful for the first time in months. I guess I’d just like to hear some encouraging words. Thanks for taking the time to read — it means so much.

I have a 5 months old puppy who AMAZINGLY plays with my partner. He recently really bonded with him and when they play together it looks so fun, he never bites my partner just goes after a toy and they can play for a very long time without any biting accidents but when it comes to me it is a whole different story I feel as if he doesnt like playing with me. I tried copying everything my partner does but without a success. Everytime I pick up a toy to play with him I try to make the toy interesting but no matter what I do he goes immediately after my hands/legs/clothes and I cant take him away from me, I tried time outs, saying „NO” firmly, taking other toys but its just not working i think he thinks of me as his personal chew toy that he can rough up and mess with. I have never let him bite me everytime he did it when he was younger I was making sure that he knew that this behavior is inapppropriate and at the beginning he listened but now he just completely ignores my commands and does whatever he pleases. I am his main caregiver because i dont work at the moment so i spend all day with him because my partner works long hours. I train him, feed him, take him on walks and yet he just seems to not like me at all. I am so frustrated because like I mentioned I spend a lot of time with him and I want to be able to play with him without bleeding and pain.

I'm from EU,so GAMES SHOULD work pretty much anywhere
NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES - games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in TF2 keys,CSGO cases or ANY other virtual currency
BUYER covers the FEES (if outside EU,EU F&F only)
My Steam account so you don't offer me something I own
My Wishlist
My SGSRep
My IGSRep
​
​
Only looking for Steam games - so don't offer origin,uplay,rockstar,bnet or ANY other launcher
100% of my games keys are bought by me from official stores & I expect the same in return,so don't offer me keyshop games or game keys you got in a trade as I will decline
I retain the right to ask for proof of ownership for ANY game I want - just like YOU have the right to ask me the same
​
​
List of games I have:
Also have the Earthquake Relief bundle but reddit wont let me write all the games cause my topic would be too big - just ask
7 Billion Humans
8Doors Arum's Afterlife Adventure
10 Second Ninja X
60 Seconds!
112 Operator
140
198X
911 Operator
A Case Of Distrust
A Year Of Rain
Absolver
Aeolis Tournament
Age Of Wonders III
Ageless
Airport CEO
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
Aliens Vs Predator Collection
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive
Amnesia A Machine For Pigs + The Dark Descent (1 key for both games)
Amnesia Fortnight 2012
Amnesia Fortnight 2014
Amnesia Fortnight 2017
Amnesia Rebirth (X2)
Among Us (X2)
Ancestors The Humankind Odyssey (EU & Africa lock)
Aragami (X2)
Archamon
Army Men RTS
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automobilista
Aven Colony
Avernum 3 Ruined World
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Back 4 Blood (EU region lock)
Backbone
Band Of Defenders
Banished
Baseball Riot
Batora Lost Haven
Battlestar Galactica Deadlock
Behind The Frame Finest Scenery NEW
Beholder 2
Bendy And The Dark Revival (X2)
Bendy And The Ink Machine
Betrayer (delisted)
Between The Stars (X2)
Beyond Eyes
Beyond The Wire
Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blasphemous
Bohemian Killing
Book Of Demons
Bomber Crew Deluxe
Borderlands 3 + Director's Cut (ask about region locks)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition NEW (ask about region locks)
Boreal Blade
Broken Age (X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons (X2)
Builder Simulator NEW
Butcher
Call Of Juarez
Call Of The Sea (X2)
Call To Arms Basic Edition
Call To Arms Gates Of Hell Ostfront
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Chenso Club
Chernobylite Enhanced Edition
Cities In Motion 2
CivCity Rome
Clone Drone In The Danger Zone
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffin Dodgers
Cook Serve Delicious 3
Company Of Heroes Complete Edition
Control Ultimate Edition
Corridor Z
Cosmic Osmo And The World Beyond The Mackerel
Crash Drive 3
Creatures Inc
Crookz The Big Heist
Crossbow Bloodnight
Crusader Kings Complete
Crying Suns
Dagon The Eldritch Box
Danger Scavenger
Day Of Infamy
Dead Age
Dead In Vinland
Deadly Premonition Director's Cut
Deadbeat Heroes (X2)
Dear Ester Landmark Edition
Death Stranding Director's Cut
Death Squared
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deep Sky Derelicts
Demon Turf
Deployment
Desert Child
Destiny 2 Beyond Light NEW
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dicey Dungeons (X2)
Dimension Drifter
Distraint 2 + Soundtrack
Divekick
Dog Sled Saga
Double Fine Adventures Complete Series Deluxe
Downwell
Drawful 2
Draw Slasher
Dreadlands
Dread X Collection
Driftland The Magic Revival
Dry Downing
Duke Nukem Forever Collection
Dungeon Marathon
Dungeon Of The Endless
Dungeons 2
Dungeons 2 Complete
Dungeons 3
Dusk
Dwarfs!?
Eador Imperium
EarthX
Eastside Hockey Manager
ECHO
Edge Of Eternity
Effie
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elden Path Of The Forgotten
Embr
Emily Is Away
Empyrion Galactic Survival
Epic Manager
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn (X2)
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evergarden
Expeditions Viking
F1 2018 (delisted)
Family Man
Fantasy Blacksmith
Fantasy Versus
Farmer's Dynasty
Farming Simulator 17
FIA European Truck Racing
Figment (X2)
Finding Paradise
Fire Ungh's Quest
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling To The Finish
Fluffy Horde
Fobia St. Dinfna Hotel
Forgive Me Father
Framed Collection (X2)
Friday the 13th: The Game
Fun With Ragdolls The Game
Fury Unleashed (X2)
Gang Beasts
Garage Bad Trip (X2)
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gas Station Simulator
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW
Ghostrunner
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams + Rise Of The Owlverlord
Gloria Victis NEW
GNOG
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Goat Of Duty
Goetia (X2)
Going Under (X2)
Golden Light
Golf Gang
GoNNER
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Greak Memories Of Azur
Gremlins Inc.
Grip Combat Racing + Cygon + Nyvoss + Terra + Vintek DLC (X2)
Guts And Glory (X2)
Hack'n'Slash
Haiku The Robot (X3)
Hamilton's Great Adventure
Hammerfight
Headlander
Heal
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Let Loose
Hellblade Senua's Sacrifice
Hello Neighbor
Hellbound
Hero Defense
Hero's Hour (EU region lock)
Hexologic
Hidden & Dangerous Action Pack
Hidden & Dangerous 2 Courage Under Fire
Hive Jump (X2)
Hiveswap Act 2
Hiveswap Friend Sim (X2)
Hollow Knight
Homeworld Deserts Of Kharak
Hotshot Racing
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hot Wheels Unleashed
Hover (X2)
Human Resource Machine
Hurtworld
I Am Bread
I Am Not A Monster First Contact
Ice Lakes
If Found...
Ikenfell
Impact Winter (delisted)
In Between
Industria
Inexistence Rebirth
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris (delisted)
Influent
Inmost
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Intruder
Ion Fury
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Jack Axe
Jalopy
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Jurassic World Evolution
Just Die Already
KartKraft
Kathy Rain Directors Cut
Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes (X2)
Killing Floor 2 Digital Deluxe NEW
Kill To Collect
Kingdom Classic (X2)
Kingdom New Lands
Kingdoms Of Amalur Re-Reckoning Fate Edition
King Oddball
Labyrinthine
Last Oasis
Last Tide
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Lead And Gold Gangs Of Wild West (X2)
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion (delisted)
Legend Of Keepers Career Of A Dungeon Master
Leisure Suit Larry Retro Bundle (1 to 7)
Lethal League Blaze
Liberated (GOG key)
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Light Fall
Little Big Workshop
Lone Fungus
Lost Planet Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust For Darkness
Lust From Beyond M Edition
Magicka
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Maid Of Sker
Main Assembly (X2)
Mars Horizon
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Max Payne 3 (Rockstar Launcher)
Mega Man Legacy Collection
Midnight Ghost Hunt NEW
Midnight Protocol
Mind Scanners
Mini Metro
Miscreated (X2)
Monster Crown
Moon Hunters
Morbid The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Motorsport Manager
Mount And Blade Warband
My Lovely Daughter
Naruto To Boruto Shinobi Striker
Nascar Heat 5 Ultimate
Nebuchadnezzar
NecroVisioN Lost Company
NecroWorn
Neighbours Back From Hell
Neo Cab
Neon Abyss
NeuroVoider
Neverout
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl (X2)
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
No Time To Relax
Northgard NEW
Not Tonight
Obduction
Observation
Octahedron
Odyssey The Story Of Science
Of Orcs And Men
Old School Musical
OlliOlli World Rad Edition
On Rusty Trails
One Finger Death Punch 2
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Tango NEW
Orbital Racer
Orcs Must Die 2 Complete
Original War
Orwell Ignorance Is Strength
Out Of Reach Treasure Royal
Overlord II
Overpass
Override Mech City Brawl
Oxenfree
Pacer
Paint The Town Red
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradise Lost
Path Of Giants
Paw Paw Paw
Payday 2 + Big Mike mask
Peaky Blinders Mastermind (delisted)
Penarium
People Playground (X2)
Perfect Heist 2
PGA Tour 2K21 (X2)
Phoenix Point Year One Edition
Pikuniku
Pine
Pinstripe
Pixplode
Plane Mechanic Simulator
Poöf
Popup Dungeon
Post Void
Pound Of Ground (X2)
PowerSlave Exhumed
Prehistoric Kingdom
Primal Carnage Extinction (X2)
Project Cars GOTY (delisted)
Project Hospital
Project Warlock
Propnight
Pulsar The Lost Colony NEW
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date
Quest Of Dungeons
RAD (X2)
Radio Commander
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Railroad Tycoon 2
Railroad Tycoon 3
Railway Empire
Rain World
Raji An Ancient Epic
Rebel Cops
Rec Center Tycoon
Red Faction Armageddon
Red Solstice 2 Survivors
Redeemer Enhanced Edition
Redout Enhanced Edition
Re-Legion
Remothered Broken Porcelain
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil Revelations (X2)
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition
Retimed
Retrowave
Reventure
Revita
Ring Of Pain
Rings Of Saturn
Riot Civil Unrest
Rise Of Industry
Rise Of Insanity
Riven The Sequel To MYST
Roarr! The Adventures Of Rampage Rex
Roboquest
Rogue Heroes Ruins Of Tasos
Rogue Lords
Rogue Stormers
Rover Mechanic Simulator
RPG Maker VX
Rustler
Sable
Salt And Sanctuary
Satellite Reign
Satisfactory
Saturday Morning RPG
Say No! More
SCP 5K
SCUM (X2)
ScourgeBringer
Serious Sam 2
Serious Sam BFE (X2)
Serious Sam Classics Revolution
Serious Sam Double D XXL
Serious Sam HD The First & Second Encounter (1 key for both)
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Legend Of The Beast
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Serious 8
Serious Sam Kamikaze Attack
Serious Sam The Random Encounter
Serious Sam Bogus Detour
Shadow Tactics Aiko's Choice
Shady Part Of Me
She Remembered Caterpillars
She Will Punish Them
Shing!
Shock Troopers
Shogun's Empire Hex Commander
Shuyan Saga
Sid Meier's Civilization VI
Sid Meier's Railroads
Simulacra Collection
Skeletal Avenger
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Skully
Slime Rancher
Slinger VR
Smoke And Sacrifice (X2)
Sniper Elite V2 Remastered
Sniper Elite 4 Deluxe + Season Pass
SOMA
Song Of Iron
Soulblight
Spacebase DF-9
Space Hulk Ascension (delisted)
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spellcaster University
Spelunx And The Caves Of Mr. Seudo
Spiritfarer Farewell Edition NEW
Stacking
Starsand (X2)
Star Wars Jedi Knight Jedi Academy
Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic
Stasis
State Of Decay 2 Juggernaut Edition
State Of Mind
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game (X3)
Stories Untold
Streets Of Fury EX
Strider (X2)
Struggling
Stubbs The Zombie
Styx Shards Of Darkness
Submerged Hidden Depths
Suchart Genius Artist Simulator
Super Indie Carts
Super Magbot
Supraland
SurrounDead (X2)
Surviving The Aftermath
Suzerain
Swag And Sorcery
Sword Legacy Omen
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
Swords And Souls Neverseen (X2)
Syberia II
Syberia 3 Deluxe Edition
Syberia The World Before
Syndrome
System Shock Enhanced Edition
Table Manners The Physics-Based Dating Game
Tabletop Playground
Tacoma
Take On Helicopters
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation (delisted)
Tales Of Monkey Island Complete
Talisman Digital Edition + City,Frostmarch,Sacred Pool (trading only as a bundle)
Talisman Origins
Tank Mechanic Simulator
Telefrag VR
Teleglitch Die More Edition
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour (X2)
Tesla Force
Tesla Vs Lovecraft
Tharsis (X2)
The Amazing American Circus
The Ambassador Fractured Timelines
The Adventure Pals
The Battle Of Polytopia Moonrise Deluxe
The Blackout Club
The Citadel
The Count Lucador
The Free Ones (delisted)
The Golf Club 2019 featuring PGA Tour
theHunter Call Of The Wild (X3)
The Invisible Hand NEW
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King Of Fighters 2002 Unlimited Match
The Last Blade
The Life And Suffering Of Sir Brante
The Long Dark Survival Edition (X2)
The Manhole Masterpiece Edition
The Mims Beginning
The Mortuary Assistant
The Night Of The Rabbit
The Serpent Rogue
The Signifier Director's Cut
The Textorcist The Story of Ray Bibbia (X2)
The Uncertain Last Quiet Day (X2)
The USB Stick Found In The Grass
The Walking Dead Season 1 + 400 Days
The Wild Eight (X2)
They Bleed Pixels
Think Of The Children
This War Of Mine
Thronebreaker The Witcher Tales
THOTH
Through The Darkest Of Times
Timeshift
Time Recoil
Titan Quest Anniversary
Toejam & Earl Back In The Groove
TOEM
Tohu
Tools Up
Tooth And Tail (X2)
Torchlight (X2)
Total Tank Simulator
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
Toto Temple Deluxe
Tower Of Time (X2)
Tower Unite
Townscaper (X2)
Townsmen A Kingdom Rebuilt
Toybox Turbos
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator (X2)
Tropico 4
True Fear Forsaken Souls Part 1
Tyranny Deluxe Edition
Unexplored
Unloved
Unmetal
Unshaded
Vambrace Cold Soul
Vane
Velocibox
Verdun
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard
Visage
Volcanoids (X2)
V Rally 4
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
Warhammer 40K Chaos Gate Daemonhunters NEW
Warhammer End Times Vermintide
Warhammer Vermintide 2 NEW
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warpips
Warsaw
Wasteland 2 Director's Cut
We Are The Dwarves
We Should Talk
Western Press
We Were Here Together
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
Where The Water Tastes Like Wine
While True: Learn() Chief Technology Officer Edition
White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
Windjammers 2 NEW
Wooden Sen'SeY
Worms Rumble + Legends DLC
Wrath Aeon Of Ruin (X2)
XCOM Complete Pack
Xenoraid The First Space War
X Morph Defense + European Assault + Last Bastion + Survival Of The Fittest (1 key for all)
XIII Classic
Xuan-Yuan Sword The Gate Of Firmament
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Yoku's Island Express
Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair
Zack 2 Celestine's Map
ZIC Zombies In City
Zombie Army Trilogy

I'm from EU,so GAMES SHOULD work pretty much anywhere
NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES - games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in TF2 keys,CSGO cases or ANY other virtual currency
BUYER covers the FEES (if outside EU,EU F&F only)
My Steam account so you don't offer me something I own
My Wishlist
My SGSRep
My IGSRep
​
​
Only looking for Steam games - so don't offer origin,uplay,rockstar,bnet or ANY other launcher
100% of my games keys are bought by me from official stores & I expect the same in return,so don't offer me keyshop games or game keys you got in a trade as I will decline
I retain the right to ask for proof of ownership for ANY game I want - just like YOU have the right to ask me the same
​
​
List of games I have:
Also have the Earthquake Relief bundle but reddit wont let me write all the games cause my topic would be too big - just ask
7 Billion Humans
8Doors Arum's Afterlife Adventure
10 Second Ninja X
60 Seconds!
112 Operator
140
198X
911 Operator
A Case Of Distrust
A Year Of Rain
Absolver
Aeolis Tournament
Age Of Wonders III
Ageless
Airport CEO
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
Aliens Vs Predator Collection
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive
Amnesia A Machine For Pigs + The Dark Descent (1 key for both games)
Amnesia Fortnight 2012
Amnesia Fortnight 2014
Amnesia Fortnight 2017
Amnesia Rebirth (X2)
Among Us (X2)
Ancestors The Humankind Odyssey (EU & Africa lock)
Aragami (X2)
Archamon
Army Men RTS
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automobilista
Aven Colony
Avernum 3 Ruined World
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Back 4 Blood (EU region lock)
Backbone
Band Of Defenders
Banished
Baseball Riot
Batora Lost Haven
Battlestar Galactica Deadlock
Behind The Frame Finest Scenery NEW
Beholder 2
Bendy And The Dark Revival (X2)
Bendy And The Ink Machine
Betrayer (delisted)
Between The Stars (X2)
Beyond Eyes
Beyond The Wire
Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blasphemous
Bohemian Killing
Book Of Demons
Bomber Crew Deluxe
Borderlands 3 + Director's Cut (ask about region locks)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition NEW (ask about region locks)
Boreal Blade
Broken Age (X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons (X2)
Builder Simulator NEW
Butcher
Call Of Juarez
Call Of The Sea (X2)
Call To Arms Basic Edition
Call To Arms Gates Of Hell Ostfront
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Chenso Club
Chernobylite Enhanced Edition
Cities In Motion 2
CivCity Rome
Clone Drone In The Danger Zone
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffin Dodgers
Cook Serve Delicious 3
Company Of Heroes Complete Edition
Control Ultimate Edition
Corridor Z
Cosmic Osmo And The World Beyond The Mackerel
Crash Drive 3
Creatures Inc
Crookz The Big Heist
Crossbow Bloodnight
Crusader Kings Complete
Crying Suns
Dagon The Eldritch Box
Danger Scavenger
Day Of Infamy
Dead Age
Dead In Vinland
Deadly Premonition Director's Cut
Deadbeat Heroes (X2)
Dear Ester Landmark Edition
Death Stranding Director's Cut
Death Squared
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deep Sky Derelicts
Demon Turf
Deployment
Desert Child
Destiny 2 Beyond Light NEW
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dicey Dungeons (X2)
Dimension Drifter
Distraint 2 + Soundtrack
Divekick
Dog Sled Saga
Double Fine Adventures Complete Series Deluxe
Downwell
Drawful 2
Draw Slasher
Dreadlands
Dread X Collection
Driftland The Magic Revival
Dry Downing
Duke Nukem Forever Collection
Dungeon Marathon
Dungeon Of The Endless
Dungeons 2
Dungeons 2 Complete
Dungeons 3
Dusk
Dwarfs!?
Eador Imperium
EarthX
Eastside Hockey Manager
ECHO
Edge Of Eternity
Effie
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elden Path Of The Forgotten
Embr
Emily Is Away
Empyrion Galactic Survival
Epic Manager
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn (X2)
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evergarden
Expeditions Viking
F1 2018 (delisted)
Family Man
Fantasy Blacksmith
Fantasy Versus
Farmer's Dynasty
Farming Simulator 17
FIA European Truck Racing
Figment (X2)
Finding Paradise
Fire Ungh's Quest
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling To The Finish
Fluffy Horde
Fobia St. Dinfna Hotel
Forgive Me Father
Framed Collection (X2)
Friday the 13th: The Game
Fun With Ragdolls The Game
Fury Unleashed (X2)
Gang Beasts
Garage Bad Trip (X2)
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gas Station Simulator
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW
Ghostrunner
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams + Rise Of The Owlverlord
Gloria Victis NEW
GNOG
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Goat Of Duty
Goetia (X2)
Going Under (X2)
Golden Light
Golf Gang
GoNNER
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Greak Memories Of Azur
Gremlins Inc.
Grip Combat Racing + Cygon + Nyvoss + Terra + Vintek DLC (X2)
Guts And Glory (X2)
Hack'n'Slash
Haiku The Robot (X3)
Hamilton's Great Adventure
Hammerfight
Headlander
Heal
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Let Loose
Hellblade Senua's Sacrifice
Hello Neighbor
Hellbound
Hero Defense
Hero's Hour (EU region lock)
Hexologic
Hidden & Dangerous Action Pack
Hidden & Dangerous 2 Courage Under Fire
Hive Jump (X2)
Hiveswap Act 2
Hiveswap Friend Sim (X2)
Hollow Knight
Homeworld Deserts Of Kharak
Hotshot Racing
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hot Wheels Unleashed
Hover (X2)
Human Resource Machine
Hurtworld
I Am Bread
I Am Not A Monster First Contact
Ice Lakes
If Found...
Ikenfell
Impact Winter (delisted)
In Between
Industria
Inexistence Rebirth
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris (delisted)
Influent
Inmost
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Intruder
Ion Fury
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Jack Axe
Jalopy
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Jurassic World Evolution
Just Die Already
KartKraft
Kathy Rain Directors Cut
Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes (X2)
Killing Floor 2 Digital Deluxe NEW
Kill To Collect
Kingdom Classic (X2)
Kingdom New Lands
Kingdoms Of Amalur Re-Reckoning Fate Edition
King Oddball
Labyrinthine
Last Oasis
Last Tide
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Lead And Gold Gangs Of Wild West (X2)
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion (delisted)
Legend Of Keepers Career Of A Dungeon Master
Leisure Suit Larry Retro Bundle (1 to 7)
Lethal League Blaze
Liberated (GOG key)
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Light Fall
Little Big Workshop
Lone Fungus
Lost Planet Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust For Darkness
Lust From Beyond M Edition
Magicka
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Maid Of Sker
Main Assembly (X2)
Mars Horizon
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Max Payne 3 (Rockstar Launcher)
Mega Man Legacy Collection
Midnight Ghost Hunt NEW
Midnight Protocol
Mind Scanners
Mini Metro
Miscreated (X2)
Monster Crown
Moon Hunters
Morbid The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Motorsport Manager
Mount And Blade Warband
My Lovely Daughter
Naruto To Boruto Shinobi Striker
Nascar Heat 5 Ultimate
Nebuchadnezzar
NecroVisioN Lost Company
NecroWorn
Neighbours Back From Hell
Neo Cab
Neon Abyss
NeuroVoider
Neverout
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl (X2)
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
No Time To Relax
Northgard NEW
Not Tonight
Obduction
Observation
Octahedron
Odyssey The Story Of Science
Of Orcs And Men
Old School Musical
OlliOlli World Rad Edition
On Rusty Trails
One Finger Death Punch 2
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Tango NEW
Orbital Racer
Orcs Must Die 2 Complete
Original War
Orwell Ignorance Is Strength
Out Of Reach Treasure Royal
Overlord II
Overpass
Override Mech City Brawl
Oxenfree
Pacer
Paint The Town Red
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradise Lost
Path Of Giants
Paw Paw Paw
Payday 2 + Big Mike mask
Peaky Blinders Mastermind (delisted)
Penarium
People Playground (X2)
Perfect Heist 2
PGA Tour 2K21 (X2)
Phoenix Point Year One Edition
Pikuniku
Pine
Pinstripe
Pixplode
Plane Mechanic Simulator
Poöf
Popup Dungeon
Post Void
Pound Of Ground (X2)
PowerSlave Exhumed
Prehistoric Kingdom
Primal Carnage Extinction (X2)
Project Cars GOTY (delisted)
Project Hospital
Project Warlock
Propnight
Pulsar The Lost Colony NEW
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date
Quest Of Dungeons
RAD (X2)
Radio Commander
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Railroad Tycoon 2
Railroad Tycoon 3
Railway Empire
Rain World
Raji An Ancient Epic
Rebel Cops
Rec Center Tycoon
Red Faction Armageddon
Red Solstice 2 Survivors
Redeemer Enhanced Edition
Redout Enhanced Edition
Re-Legion
Remothered Broken Porcelain
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil Revelations (X2)
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition
Retimed
Retrowave
Reventure
Revita
Ring Of Pain
Rings Of Saturn
Riot Civil Unrest
Rise Of Industry
Rise Of Insanity
Riven The Sequel To MYST
Roarr! The Adventures Of Rampage Rex
Roboquest
Rogue Heroes Ruins Of Tasos
Rogue Lords
Rogue Stormers
Rover Mechanic Simulator
RPG Maker VX
Rustler
Sable
Salt And Sanctuary
Satellite Reign
Satisfactory
Saturday Morning RPG
Say No! More
SCP 5K
SCUM (X2)
ScourgeBringer
Serious Sam 2
Serious Sam BFE (X2)
Serious Sam Classics Revolution
Serious Sam Double D XXL
Serious Sam HD The First & Second Encounter (1 key for both)
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Legend Of The Beast
Serious Sam HD The Second Encounter Serious 8
Serious Sam Kamikaze Attack
Serious Sam The Random Encounter
Serious Sam Bogus Detour
Shadow Tactics Aiko's Choice
Shady Part Of Me
She Remembered Caterpillars
She Will Punish Them
Shing!
Shock Troopers
Shogun's Empire Hex Commander
Shuyan Saga
Sid Meier's Civilization VI
Sid Meier's Railroads
Simulacra Collection
Skeletal Avenger
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Skully
Slime Rancher
Slinger VR
Smoke And Sacrifice (X2)
Sniper Elite V2 Remastered
Sniper Elite 4 Deluxe + Season Pass
SOMA
Song Of Iron
Soulblight
Spacebase DF-9
Space Hulk Ascension (delisted)
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spellcaster University
Spelunx And The Caves Of Mr. Seudo
Spiritfarer Farewell Edition NEW
Stacking
Starsand (X2)
Star Wars Jedi Knight Jedi Academy
Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic
Stasis
State Of Decay 2 Juggernaut Edition
State Of Mind
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game (X3)
Stories Untold
Streets Of Fury EX
Strider (X2)
Struggling
Stubbs The Zombie
Styx Shards Of Darkness
Submerged Hidden Depths
Suchart Genius Artist Simulator
Super Indie Carts
Super Magbot
Supraland
SurrounDead (X2)
Surviving The Aftermath
Suzerain
Swag And Sorcery
Sword Legacy Omen
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
Swords And Souls Neverseen (X2)
Syberia II
Syberia 3 Deluxe Edition
Syberia The World Before
Syndrome
System Shock Enhanced Edition
Table Manners The Physics-Based Dating Game
Tabletop Playground
Tacoma
Take On Helicopters
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation (delisted)
Tales Of Monkey Island Complete
Talisman Digital Edition + City,Frostmarch,Sacred Pool (trading only as a bundle)
Talisman Origins
Tank Mechanic Simulator
Telefrag VR
Teleglitch Die More Edition
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour (X2)
Tesla Force
Tesla Vs Lovecraft
Tharsis (X2)
The Amazing American Circus
The Ambassador Fractured Timelines
The Adventure Pals
The Battle Of Polytopia Moonrise Deluxe
The Blackout Club
The Citadel
The Count Lucador
The Free Ones (delisted)
The Golf Club 2019 featuring PGA Tour
theHunter Call Of The Wild (X3)
The Invisible Hand NEW
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King Of Fighters 2002 Unlimited Match
The Last Blade
The Life And Suffering Of Sir Brante
The Long Dark Survival Edition (X2)
The Manhole Masterpiece Edition
The Mims Beginning
The Mortuary Assistant
The Night Of The Rabbit
The Serpent Rogue
The Signifier Director's Cut
The Textorcist The Story of Ray Bibbia (X2)
The Uncertain Last Quiet Day (X2)
The USB Stick Found In The Grass
The Walking Dead Season 1 + 400 Days
The Wild Eight (X2)
They Bleed Pixels
Think Of The Children
This War Of Mine
Thronebreaker The Witcher Tales
THOTH
Through The Darkest Of Times
Timeshift
Time Recoil
Titan Quest Anniversary
Toejam & Earl Back In The Groove
TOEM
Tohu
Tools Up
Tooth And Tail (X2)
Torchlight (X2)
Total Tank Simulator
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
Toto Temple Deluxe
Tower Of Time (X2)
Tower Unite
Townscaper (X2)
Townsmen A Kingdom Rebuilt
Toybox Turbos
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator (X2)
Tropico 4
True Fear Forsaken Souls Part 1
Tyranny Deluxe Edition
Unexplored
Unloved
Unmetal
Unshaded
Vambrace Cold Soul
Vane
Velocibox
Verdun
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard
Visage
Volcanoids (X2)
V Rally 4
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
Warhammer 40K Chaos Gate Daemonhunters NEW
Warhammer End Times Vermintide
Warhammer Vermintide 2 NEW
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warpips
Warsaw
Wasteland 2 Director's Cut
We Are The Dwarves
We Should Talk
Western Press
We Were Here Together
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
Where The Water Tastes Like Wine
While True: Learn() Chief Technology Officer Edition
White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
Windjammers 2 NEW
Wooden Sen'SeY
Worms Rumble + Legends DLC
Wrath Aeon Of Ruin (X2)
XCOM Complete Pack
Xenoraid The First Space War
X Morph Defense + European Assault + Last Bastion + Survival Of The Fittest (1 key for all)
XIII Classic
Xuan-Yuan Sword The Gate Of Firmament
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Yoku's Island Express
Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair
Zack 2 Celestine's Map
ZIC Zombies In City
Zombie Army Trilogy