So, I've (m36) been together my wife (f33) for 7 years, married for 6. We have a 3 year old daughter. Ever since the beginning I've felt petty much pressured into both marriage and later having a child. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to bits! And I know I'm an adult so I take responsibility for everything I have done. But I don't think it was a good idea to do neither, as much as that pains me to say.
I'm a very chill guy who abhors conflict, while my wife (partly due to tough childhood and toxic ex) is volatile to say the least, easily gets extremely angry and says very hurtful things as some kind of reflex. My reaction is to withdraw, become resentful, and often even cry - mostly due to the unfairness of the situation, not exactly the words used. This obviously leads to a relationship where, even when things are good, it isn't exactly flourishing. I'm not even sure what we have in common any more and we spend a lot of time apart (like on phones if we are home, or with friends) , or if together, things like watching movies and stuff where we don't interact much. Even when things are good and we are both happy, she can - out of nowhere - completely snap and when I try to tell her that it hurts or please don't talk like that, things escalate quickly. This tells me it's just a part of her..
I fully recognize that I'm an adult and have accepted to be in my current situation. It's just been unfathomably difficult to fully touch base with myself in these situations. Looking back it strikes me as insane how my wife has trampled through my doubts about both marriage and having a child. Perhaps I'm just overly sensitive to other peoples emotions, but if someone expressed doubt about either of those, I would do a full stop and spend time figuring out how come we aren't aligned, talk it through, etc. etc.
For years I have had these thoughts, but like 70-80% of the time things are pretty stable, and then I super quickly revert to "well it's probably not that bad, is it?" (though that still means its like a day a week that SUCKS, sometimes more) It's just been so long that I feel like I'm just a walking shell. Even writing this post is something I've thought about for years. We have had many "talks" about our state of affairs but I have been the only one trying to repair, look forward, come with concrete suggestions for how we can change the dynamic etc. I've grown tired now. Then we have a nice weekend with friends, and everything seems rosy again. All of my family absolutely LOVE her, and my friends have a great view of her too. This makes it so difficult for me to figure out what I actually feel and should do! Is it just me? should I just deal with the occasional flare-up?
Once in a while I visit /narcissisticSpouses and I definitely recognize some things, but I don't think she's a full on "narc". The most absurd thing though, is that we can have zero talk about anything introspective. It's actually wild to observe. Asking any questions such as "why did you say that" / "can you see it from my side" / "that's hurts my feelings to listen to, please stop" etc etc, leads no where at all. I can't describe it, but she gets around giving any answer, and gets angry if pressured. Therefore we also can't have any real conversation about difficult topics at all. Actually we can't really have conversions in general, unless about extremely plain things. It's like she shuts down if anything becomes remotely theoretical/abstract.
My wife isn't happy either but I think divorce is unthinkable for her. She is mainly frustrated by the lack of romance and engagement from me. I, on the other hand, feel like I've come to some sort of end where I must fully confess just how incredibly jaded I've become. I feel like I can't see myself ever be happy here. That may lead to a real talk of actual divorce..
We have tried couples counseling twice, but both times she found it too intense to listen to how I describe my situation and the questions she had to answer. We have both been in individual therapy as well for a long while, though none of us are currently.
My question is basically : any advice for how to bring up such a conversation? Is it possible to go back afterwards, even if we both want to, or will it forever be in the background? If we end up finding out there isn't much to do, what's even the process forward? I can't imagine sleeping in the same bed afterwards etc etc. Damn I feel sick just thinking of what's on the other side. What's the process for initiating divorce if we get to that? We live in Scandinavia, where I don't think it's as common as in the US to lawyer up, but I will definitely seek advice locally as well. Has anyone got experience with divorcing with a toddler?
If you mad it to this: thanks for reading!
TLDR: Married for 7 years with a 3 year old. Considering divorce, but no idea how to proceed and what to expect. I think we are incompatible, but I'm doubting myself about everything here.

Hi, I (F/34) need advice desperately and would appreciate anyone with experience or wisdom to share!
For context:
my parents have been on bad terms since I was 6 or 7, so its been a good 28 years coming. About half a year ago my dad filed for divorce, again\.* I was NC (no contact) with both parents at the time, having finally chosen to prioritise my mental health (various reasons, but related to this situation, i was exhausted from being their mode of communication since i was a child, as they have stopped talking civilly for years except through me.
My dad lives and works in a different country but stays with us when he visits once or twice a year to renew his visa. However, covid forced him to come back and live with my mom and brother because visas were cancelled. No one expected covid to last so long, so no one was prepared for this living arrangement. They had no choice but to communicate daily, and with me on NC and no one to referee the situation, they are now apparently, finally actually underway with a divorce.
\(the first time being 10 years ago but my mom flat out refused.)*
How i found out:
I've had to break NC with my nmom 3 days ago because she is undergoing a surgery, and there is no one supporting her. With zero knowledge that a divorce was actually, finally happening, she randomly forwarded me a message with regards to taking ownership of some family heirlooms from a conversation with the lawyers. Definitely caught me off guard.
Heres where i need advice:
I would like to know more details about what is happening with the details of ownership of the house, so i can find some way to prepare mentally and possibly financially for the fallout.
My mom historically has a tendency to flip the script to manipulate the situation so I would prefer not to open that can of worms.
My brother simply does not care.
I tried to ask my dad for details and told him "no judgement, i just need to know what is happening". He's non-confrontational in general and replied about health and exercise instead🤦‍♀️ I tried asking more directly that my question is pertaining to the divorce. he apologised for not letting me know he filed, but that was it.
1) Any advice on how to navigate this, perhaps if you've had a similar situation?
2) Should I just wait it out and stay out of it to the best of my ability? (This feels like a great option for right now , but the what ifs are stressing me out)
emotionally I'm living my worst memories all over again so literal brain paralysis in terms of what to do.
just to note, we live in a country where houses are really expensive due to land constraints, so the house is a big deal. worried one parent is going to lose a home, as it seems my dad has decided to not go back abroad, and potentially might fight for the house. Either way I am trying to stay out of the refereeing, and let them sort this out as adults. But should this happen, the responsibility is on me, and although i am employed and in a stable job i don't have the financial capabilities to buy one of them a new home/rent long term.
i apologise that this ended up being longish! thank you in advance❤

Hi y’all. I need some advice on a mutual divorce in MD.
We got married in AACO and live in Calvert. We both agree on the decision to end our marriage. We have no shared assets - no kids, we rent the house we live in, the only car payment is solely in husband’s name, and we kept our bank accounts separate. I don’t know if there’s other things I’m not thinking about.
Will we truly need lawyers for this process?

DIVISION OF MATRIMONIAL PROPERTY AFTER DIVORCE IN KENYA - https://insights.advocates.ke/division-of-matrimonial-property-after-divorce-in-kenya/

law #lawyer #legal #legalnews #Kenya

I thought it was time to initiate a debate about one of the most controversial figures associated with the Peoples Temple. For those who are not yet familiar with the organization and the events leading up to the tragic massacre, Tim Stoen served as Jim Jones' primary attorney from 1969 to 1977. He was intimately involved in the cult's aggressive defense against its adversaries, employing legal tactics, political maneuvering, and media control.
Tim Stoen wrote a book called 'Marked For Death', which one would expect to shed light on the background of the cult, its internal workings, organizational structure, and Stoen's own role. However, the book suffers from the same issues as Mark Lane's 'Strongest Poison'—it appears to primarily serve as a means for Stoen to portray his actions in the best possible light, rather than addressing significant questions. Both authors, being lawyers, are understandably cautious about incriminating themselves.
Eventually, Tim Stoen defected from the Peoples Temple and joined forces with his estranged wife, Grace Stoen, in a custody battle against Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple for their legal son, John Victor Stoen, whom Jones claimed as his own and kept at Jonestown. Tim Stoen's involvement with the Concerned Relatives, a group supporting Grace's efforts, transformed the relatively insignificant organization into a formidable force that exerted pressure on the Temple and Jonestown. This pressure culminated in the visit of Congressman Ryan and the subsequent tragic events.
The custody case was further complicated by the fact that Tim Stoen signed an affidavit acknowledging Jim Jones as the father of the child and the he even encouraged Jones to have sexual relations with his wife to maintain her loyalty. Although this practice may sound absurd, it was not uncommon within the Peoples Temple. Each member was required to sign undated self-incriminating statements that could be used against them if they chose to leave the organization, explicitly denouncing Jim Jones of any guilt and a totally benign force. In late 1976, Tim Stoen even authorized Jones and the Temple to take John Victor to Jonestown through a notarized power of attorney.
While the maternity of Grace Stoen was beyond question, the paternity of Tim Stoen could have been subject to doubt. However, DNA testing was not readily available during that time. At the very least, the power of attorney document could be seen as a transfer of guardianship rights for John Victor. Under California law, where the child was born, the legal husband of a woman giving birth is presumed to be the father. Nonetheless, the affidavit introduced some uncertainty regarding the legal clarity of paternity.
According to Tim Stoen's book, Grace Stoen defected in July 1976, which he claims hindered his own plans to defect. However, this claim cannot be independently verified. Not only did Grace file for divorce, but she also planned to participate in the New West article, which ultimately triggered the mass exodus to Jonestown in the summer of 1977. Tim attempted to dissuade her, but his efforts were in vain. It was not until November 1977 that Tim decided to join Grace in her battle and defect from the Peoples Temple, leaving their son in Guyana with Jones.
Several aspects surrounding Tim Stoen are conflicting and intriguing. For instance, there have been suggestions that he might have been a CIA agent. Once Stoen joined the Concerned Relatives, the group suddenly acquired substantial funding. Jim Jones exploited this fact to insinuate that Stoen was a CIA agent—an idea that was further fueled by Mark Lane and questionable private investigator Joseph Mazor. However, neither side can definitively prove or disprove this claim, as Stoen could have accessed the offshore bank accounts he helped set up after defecting. Nevertheless, the CIA would also require illicit funds to support covert operations.
The general idea of his possible role as a CIA agent is that he was what is called an Agent Provocateur. This is an infiltrator that is not used to spy on an organization but to make sure that the organization is driven to engage in criminal activity. Teri Buford, who worked in close liaison with Tim on legal and financial matters accused Stoen of initiating or approving every violent and illegal act committed by the Temple. Even that he planned the murder of Lester Kinsolving, a priest and columnist critical of Jones, issued death threats, smuggled cash into Panama, used his position as DA to prevent investigations into the Temple and suggested poisoning the water system in Washington, D.C. It should be noted that Teri was under Mark Lane's wing, who's entire career is about suggesting CIA plots.
In the 1975 municipal elections in San Francisco that were won by a tiny margin by George Moscone and LGTBQ legend Harvey Milk, were faced with allegations of election fraud and Peoples Temple was deeply involved with the campaigns of both men. The matter was taken seriously and guess who they named head of the investigation? That’s right. Tim Stoen. Both politicians were shot one week after the massacre, only adding fuel to the fear that Peoples Temple might have hit squads that were now executing a plan.
Make of it what you will, but I still think it is hard to believe that someone who’s strategy was to “count on Jones to overreact” wasn’t fully aware that the overreaction would mean mass suicide. I would certainly not want someone that is holding my child hostage to overreact.

Looking for recommendations on a string family lawyer in the LeandeCedarPark/RoundRock/Austin area.
My wife has a child w/an ex husband from 22 years ago and the Ex still can’t seem to let go and continues to cause problems with their child. From alienation, to bad mouthing our family, to causing issues at custody exchanges and so much more.
It’s time my wife and I go to a lawyer to get their divorce decree modified and fight for more custody. Any recommendations will be helpful. We need a lawyer that’s not going to waste time/money and will be willing help us to fight for getting her son full time.

long rant ahead im just looking to vent out stuff context: im a foreigner who came to sg, got my citizenship. my mom is on pr and my dad is a citizen here. im taking a national exam soon (not gonna reveal my age)
so the big thing that happened was that my dad did smth wrong that could potentially land him in jail. im not gonna say what he did but its NOT drugs, SA, assault or robbery. it happened a while back and im only aware of it recently. he has surrendered himself to the police and the case is going to proceed soon with the lawyers. and this has really torn my parents apart mentally
ive been going for some shows with my friends recently and today is the last one im attending. i told my mom and she gave me this stupid lecture about knowing the right thing and to differentiate between whats impt and whats not. it really pissed me off cause she keeps treating me like a child. she brought up the time when i was into kpop and she claimed to have "fixed" me when i wasnt even addicted to it. everytime ive had an interest in something she laughed and ridiculed it. i bought a cars lego set cause im interested in that brand and she mocked me, saying that i shld only buy it if im planning to work in that industry. im just so fucking pissed and my rs with her hasnt been the best. we rarely speak unless necessary
my parents have been fighting alot for the last 2 years. and like i mean talks of divorce, violent confrontations and it really weighed me down. they are not compatible for each other and they know it. but if they divorce my mom will hsve to go back to her country and i would be left alone esp with the problem with my dad now. i have seen how they work together and heard them through the door and i can tell that it was just a matter of time. my mom is mentally unstable and i suspect that she might have bipolar or intermittent explosive disorder. my dad has high blood pressure from eveyrthing that has been going on and im just in a mess
i know that what is happening to my parents is not my fail but i cant help but feel responsible for it. on the outside my family looks happy and complete. we have enough to live by and have a comfortable lifestyle. but we are dead on rhe inside. im couped up in my room studying from morning until they leave for work in rhe evening. we can for days talking minimal words to each other. sometimes i try to talk to my dad but he just replies with gestures and grunts and i dont even know what he wants. im trying to be there for them but its just fslling apart
i want to get out of the house as much as possible but its difficult wjth the holidays as i step down from my cca alr. i hate this family that im forced into honestly. i wish that i could live alone. i hear stories from my friends about their fsmilies and im just jealous. once i heard my friend on rhe phone with her mom and im shocked at how close they seem to be. my phonecalls with my mom consisted of her yelling at me or me reporting my actions to her
im just drained and tired. i dont even feel like going for the show today to support my friends. now that the whole argument happened i cant even concentrate and study now

Hey Reddit,
Using a throwaway account just in case, but I could use some advice and I just have zero idea of what to do/how to not get totally screwed over.
The tl;dr: My spouse is an alcoholic manchild, we own property & have a kid, and I want a divorce because I just can’t do this anymore. I’m worried I’ll get f**ked over during the divorce.
So, the long version: My husband (40M) and I (35F) have been married for 7 years, and have a 6yo child.
Having my child was the best thing that I could have done, but I have very much come to regret marrying her father. While we both drank when we met (I was working in the bar industry at the time), I quit during the pregnancy. While I did drink somewhat after, I kept it pretty low-key. I left the industry for a different career path recently so I could have something more stable for my child.
My spouse, however, has just kept getting worse with his drinking. In 2020 we both had a rough year (my work vanished while his picked up), but we managed to buy a house in our city (not a cheap thing, but it was the only opportunity we would have had to land it). It got to the point that he went to rehab at the end of the year, leaving me and our daughter alone for the holidays.
By then, it was already pretty obvious that he wasn’t going to stop on his own, and I supported his choice to go. Sobriety lasted briefly though, and now it’s 2023.
At this point, I handle just about everything- cooking, cleaning, lunches, most childcare, errands, laundry, finances, scheduling appointments, the pets. You name it. Our sex life is dead, because I just do not view him as a romantic partner anymore. He’s been upset about that lately but… I just cannot.
I’m exhausted. I have been trying to figure out what to do, and I know that divorce is the only way to get my life back. He refuses to go to therapy, he has PTSD, and he won’t go to marriage counselling either.
There are a lot of issues that I’m not sure how to circumnavigate here:

• He’s got a high paying government job and makes significantly more than me. He’s also a veteran. I know that he will use this to his advantage
• I worry that, because of this and knowing he’ll fight tooth and nail to keep majority custody of our child, despite his alcoholism he may win
• He may try to block sale of our house even though we are joint owners of the property.
• I’m not sure I can afford to stay in this city, and I know that could be an issue with divorcing him as well. He can’t leave this city because of his job, and a lot of what I’ve read says I can’t take her from here in the event of a divorce.
• We have a high amount of debt. I am currently doing my best to pay it down, but my credit score is dirt so even if everything works out in my favour, i am not sure if I’ll be able to buy another place/rent something manageable nearby.
• The pets. My daughter has a cat, and we have 2 dogs, one of which I am training as a licensed service animal (I have ADHD, anxiety, and MDD). He may try to keep the youngest dog, even though she is in my name (as are all of the other animals). I don’t mind this (we got her for him) except that I worry he won’t be able to care for her appropriately, and she is still my sweet baby

So… any advice? I’m trying to find a lawyer currently. But I just feel like I’m drowning, and I’m so worried that he’ll try to screw me over. I don’t want anything from him, I just want to protect my kid, and to get away from this sham of a marriage.
Can he actually win majority custody of our daughter? Can he force us to stay in the city? And can he block/delay sale of our house?

▪Drama: Queen of Masks
▪Korean Title: 가면의 여왕
▪Also Known As: Gamyeonui Yeowang, Queen of the Mask
▪Network: Channel A
▪Aired: Apr 24, 2023 - Jun 13, 2023
▪Airing On: Mondays - Tuesdays @22:30 KST
▪Episodes: 16
▪Streaming Sources:
°VIKI
▪Synopsis: The war of jealousy and desire of four friends, one of them became a murderer due to lies of the others 10 years ago and appeared in front of the three successful friends.
▪Cast:
° Kim Sun Ah as Do Jae Yi,
°Oh Yoon Ah as Go Yoo Na,
° Shin Eun Jung as Joo Yoo Jung,
° Yoo Sun as Yoon Hae Mi,
°Oh Ji Ho as Choi Kang Hoo,
°Lee Jung Jin as Song Je Hyeon,
°Shin Ji Hoon as Chae Leo
°Previous Discussion:
°Episodes 1-2
° Episodes 3-4
°Episodes 5-6
°Episodes 7-8
°Episodes 9-10
°Episodes 11-12
▪Conduct Reminder: We encourage our users to read the following before participating in any discussions on /KDRAMA: (1) Reddiquette (2) our Conduct Rules(3) our Policies and (4) the .When Discussions Get Personal Post
Any users who are displaying negative conduct (including but not limited to bullying, harassment, or personal attacks) will be given a warning, repeated behaviour will lead to increasing exclusions from our community. Any extreme cases of misconduct (such as racism or hate speech) will result in an immediate permanent ban from our community and a report to Reddit admin.
Additionally, mentions of down-voting, unpopular opinions, and the use of profanity may see your comments locked or removed without notice.
▪Spoiler Tag Reminder: Be mindful of others who may not have yet seen this drama, and use spoiler tags when discussing key plot developments or other important information. You can create a spoiler tag in Markdown by writing > ! this ! < without the spaces in between to get this: Do Jae Yi is a lawyer

Mamas, I seriously need advice. This is going to be long, but I would appreciate any help! So my son is about to be 8. His dad and I separated when he was 2, but we didn't get formally divorced until March. He had no custody of my son from Jan 2018 - March 2023. He never went for custody, visited sporadically. Well when we got a divorce in March he wanted custody. To avoid a court case bc I already blew my whole savings on the pretrial lawyer fees we agreed in mediation. I agreed to every other weekend and 50/50 legal custody with me having the tie breaker. It's only been going on for 3 months, and we have already had so many issues. The order states that he cannot take him to his house because it's unsafe. So he takes him out on day trips and brings him home at 7. But he's taken him to his home almost every weekend he has him without even asking me until they've already been there if at all. I've told him not to take him there, he did it again yesterday. But the main issue I'm having happened today.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD on Friday. His doctor said that he has severe hyperactive ADHD and needs to take medication. This has been a long long time coming. He's too hyperactive in school and gets in trouble a lot. I never thought I would give my son's meds, but he truly does need them. He's upset that he gets in trouble all day and it's effecting his mental health over things he cannot control.
Well he went for his visit today and when he got home he said that his dad's girlfriend told him that he DOES NOT have ADHD. He said she was saying it "every other sentence" his words were daddy will say "babe where's my phone?" And she would give it to him and then bring up the fact that he does not have ADHD again and again. She also told him that he should not take his medicine because it will "make him sick".
His dad was one of the people pushing me to get him diagnosed! This morning when we were alone I thought we had a great Convo about all of this and I thought he was finally agreeing to the meds. Well tonight I call him to talk about what his girlfriend said (this isn't the first time she's said inappropriate things to my son) and he starts saying things like "well we're not gonna assume he has it until I talk to the doctor" ... I told you that he was DIAGNOSED, why would I lie about that? They're so paranoid and act like everything EVERYONE says to them is a lie until they have "proof" and then they gaslight you until you don't know what's true. They do this to my son.
Before we even went to the doc he said he wanted to take him "for a second opinion on his own time"... But he didn't even come to the first appt when I gave him 5 days notice. He didn't answer the phone when the doc called while we were there. And he never contacted me after the appt to ask what happened. We didn't have a conversation about it until days later, he saw me for hours on Saturday at my son's baseball game and didn't say a word to me. Today I finally asked to speak with him about it myself.
The reason that he did not come to the appt is because his girlfriend does not allow him to be alone with me. Not even to pick our son up, she has to come. He can barely video chat my son without her listening in, he's hooked up his messenger app to add her to the group chat. He can't attend school activities unless she can get off of work too, and I guess he can't even attend one of his son's most important appts without her there. He's told me that she will not allow him to be alone with me. She also monitors all of our text messages (his phone is hooked up to her phone), so if he needs to talk to me about something she doesn't need to hear he will call me. My son picks up on all of this and asks why she always has to be there. He hasn't been alone with his dad for more than 5 mins in almost 5 years. He's asked me to ask his dad for alone time, which I've done countless times but he never does it.
They've been together for almost 5 years, have a child together. We have been separated for 5+ years, have never ever hooked up or even flirted once bc he's a psycho. I have never even sent a flirty text, NOTHING. I have my own partner or 5 years and we have a child together as well, and can finally get married now that the divorce is finalized. There's nothing warranting this behavior, other than her jealousy, insecurities and paranoia. She takes all of this out on my son.
Is there anything I can do to keep her away from my son? Or do I have to go back to court and fight for full custody? Do you think I will get it? I don't want a person who is telling my son that he doesn't have the disability he has, making him come home upset and confused, around my son. I don't want someone who's talking my son out of taking a medication he's not even prescribed yet around my son. I don't want someone who's undermining all of the work we have put in to tell my son it's ok that he has ADHD and that doesn't mean anything is "wrong" or "bad". I have never said ANYTHING negative about her or his father to my kid no matter how hard it gets. She tries to prevent any healthy co-parenting relationship that we try to have. When I am just speaking to him, things seem fine and we agree on a lot of things. As soon as she's there, she opposes my opinion, makes me ex "pick her side" and then it ends in argument, disgruntled relationships and ultimately harms my son.
Every weekend he has something new that upset him that she does. She constantly talks crap about me to him, and he gets REALLY upset about that. Hes only been with them for 6 weekends in the last 5 years. He's been with me EVERYDAY.
She's also a DAYCARE WORKER, and I feel bad for any disabled kids that she works with if she speaks this way about disability and medication. I just don't know what to do. This is all so damaging to my son's mental health and he has enough going on rn, I need to protect him.
If you have any advice, or just if you think this is as WRONG as I do, please let me know. Am I tripping??

Mamas, I seriously need advice. This is going to be long, but I would appreciate any help! So my son is about to be 8. His dad and I separated when he was 2, but we didn't get formally divorced until March. He had no custody of my son from Jan 2018 - March 2023. He never went for custody, visited sporadically. Well when we got a divorce in March he wanted custody. To avoid a court case bc I already blew my whole savings on the pretrial lawyer fees we agreed in mediation. I agreed to every other weekend and 50/50 legal custody with me having the tie breaker. It's only been going on for 3 months, and we have already had so many issues. The order states that he cannot take him to his house because it's unsafe. So he takes him out on day trips and brings him home at 7. But he's taken him to his home almost every weekend he has him without even asking me until they've already been there if at all. I've told him not to take him there, he did it again yesterday. But the main issue I'm having happened today.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD on Friday. His doctor said that he has severe hyperactive ADHD and needs to take medication. This has been a long long time coming. He's too hyperactive in school and gets in trouble a lot. I never thought I would give my son's meds, but he truly does need them. He's upset that he gets in trouble all day and it's effecting his mental health over things he cannot control.
Well he went for his visit today and when he got home he said that his dad's girlfriend told him that he DOES NOT have ADHD. He said she was saying it "every other sentence" his words were daddy will say "babe where's my phone?" And she would give it to him and then bring up the fact that he does not have ADHD again and again. She also told him that he should not take his medicine because it will "make him sick".
His dad was one of the people pushing me to get him diagnosed! This morning when we were alone I thought we had a great Convo about all of this and I thought he was finally agreeing to the meds. Well tonight I call him to talk about what his girlfriend said (this isn't the first time she's said inappropriate things to my son) and he starts saying things like "well we're not gonna assume he has it until I talk to the doctor" ... I told you that he was DIAGNOSED, why would I lie about that? They're so paranoid and act like everything EVERYONE says to them is a lie until they have "proof" and then they gaslight you until you don't know what's true. They do this to my son.
Before we even went to the doc he said he wanted to take him "for a second opinion on his own time"... But he didn't even come to the first appt when I gave him 5 days notice. He didn't answer the phone when the doc called while we were there. And he never contacted me after the appt to ask what happened. We didn't have a conversation about it until days later, he saw me for hours on Saturday at my son's baseball game and didn't say a word to me. Today I finally asked to speak with him about it myself.
The reason that he did not come to the appt is because his girlfriend does not allow him to be alone with me. Not even to pick our son up, she has to come. He can barely video chat my son without her listening in, he's hooked up his messenger app to add her to the group chat. He can't attend school activities unless she can get off of work too, and I guess he can't even attend one of his son's most important appts without her there. He's told me that she will not allow him to be alone with me. She also monitors all of our text messages (his phone is hooked up to her phone), so if he needs to talk to me about something she doesn't need to hear he will call me. My son picks up on all of this and asks why she always has to be there. He hasn't been alone with his dad for more than 5 mins in almost 5 years. He's asked me to ask his dad for alone time, which I've done countless times but he never does it.
They've been together for almost 5 years, have a child together. We have been separated for 5+ years, have never ever hooked up or even flirted once bc he's a psycho. I have never even sent a flirty text, NOTHING. I have my own partner or 5 years and we have a child together as well, and can finally get married now that the divorce is finalized. There's nothing warranting this behavior, other than her jealousy, insecurities and paranoia. She takes all of this out on my son.
Is there anything I can do to keep her away from my son? Or do I have to go back to court and fight for full custody? Do you think I will get it? I don't want a person who is telling my son that he doesn't have the disability he has, making him come home upset and confused, around my son. I don't want someone who's talking my son out of taking a medication he's not even prescribed yet around my son. I don't want someone who's undermining all of the work we have put in to tell my son it's ok that he has ADHD and that doesn't mean anything is "wrong" or "bad". I have never said ANYTHING negative about her or his father to my kid no matter how hard it gets. She tries to prevent any healthy co-parenting relationship that we try to have. When I am just speaking to him, things seem fine and we agree on a lot of things. As soon as she's there, she opposes my opinion, makes me ex "pick her side" and then it ends in argument, disgruntled relationships and ultimately harms my son.
Every weekend he has something new that upset him that she does. She constantly talks crap about me to him, and he gets REALLY upset about that. Hes only been with them for 6 weekends in the last 5 years. He's been with me EVERYDAY.
She's also a DAYCARE WORKER, and I feel bad for any disabled kids that she works with if she speaks this way about disability and medication. I just don't know what to do. This is all so damaging to my son's mental health and he has enough going on rn, I need to protect him.
If you have any advice, or just if you think this is as WRONG as I do, please let me know. Am I tripping??

DIVISION OF MATRIMONIAL PROPERTY AFTER DIVORCE IN KENYA - https://insights.advocates.ke/division-of-matrimonial-property-after-divorce-in-kenya/

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So this all started back in 2019 before covid, me and the ex started the process for divorce. Now when we initially split up she decided on this very restrictive schedule for me to spend time with my kids, i didn't have a lawyer at the time and i was so fragile and distraught from the entire ordeal, finding out she cheated on me, kicking me out of the apartment etc. So i just agreed because i didn't know any better and was emotionally a mess. The schedule i had was (looking back on it) an absolute joke it was Week 1. 5pm-7pm Wednesdays Week 2 Friday 5pm-sunday 5pm
That's it, after several months of this and therapy on my side, i got the strength and money to get a lawyer, and we fought for a more fair schedule, we managed to get me an extra day, so week 1 we added overnights on Thursday, not the best but it was something. I am not going to go into all the other details of the divorce but essentially at this point i had finally moved to my own apartment (2bedroom so the kids could have their own room) and i was getting my mental health in a much better spot as time went on so i started to fight her more for more time. We had to attend mediation which we did not agree to anything, then i requested a GAL to get involved. The court initially refused my request for more time since we had been on the current schedule for a while. So per my request the GAL got involved, did home visits and established that my place is fine, the kids love me, i love the kids, there bonded to me, and i provide a good/safe/healthy environment. So she put in a recommendation that i get more time. so the schedule i got, and have been on for nearly 2 years now is
Week 1 Wed 5pm-friday 9am Week 2 Thursday 5pm-sunday 5pm +vacation and birthday/holiday schedules
Which is a lot better, but its still not really what i wanted but i had to accept it and just move on. over the past 18 months i have been taking every opportunity for more time with the kids that come up, sometimes she will ask me if i can watch them an extra day for w/e reason, sometimes its a logistics reason to make life easier etc, i tracked this data until..well even now, i did this so i could prove to the court that there is no issues with me having time, and i actively seek time out. There is no safety issues or concerns from her, otherwise why would she be agreeing so much to give me random days here and there. Now we lived in the same city so logistics were not to bad, but then early last year she moved about 45 min away, so now the kids had to go to school 45 min away from me when they were with me. Since she is listed as "primary" cause there needs to be 1 i had to adjust things to include 45 min to school in the morning, 45 min home to get to work, then 45 min to pick them up, and 45 min home. i had to do this only 2.5 times every 2 week cycle (since she would pick them up on week 1 Fridays)... so needless to say this was very hard.
i decided to save up and move closer to the kids, i found a house and moved so im only 10 min (with traffic) from my kids so the schedule is alot easier to maintain logistics, as well as nearly doubling my living space and having 3 bedrooms so each kids gets their own room + a play room, and a basement.
So in feb of this year i pulled the trigger on taking us back to court so i could get more time with the kids, i want an even 50/50 and there is no reason why i shouldn't be able. The fact that i have been seeking extra time and getting it by her either asking me directly, or me asking her and she agrees, as well as me moving 40 min away to be closer to them, +upgrading my place for the 2nd time to make sure they have enough room was enough to get it started. Now we had to go through mediation (again) of which i knew we would not agree but its a necessary stage to get to the court date, which is on tuesday. I am seeking a true 5050, which equals out to 1 more overnight/week. She did counter offer my request with more time with the kids, but its not consistent, its 1 more week of summer vaca/extra days here and there when the kids dont have school the next day for some reason, it averages out to half of what im asking so if this fails at the very least i should be able to get that as back up, but there really is no reason why i shouldn't be able to get more time with my kids, hopefully this is the last time i need to go through the court systems for stuff like this, but i will continue to fight the good fight in order to spend more time with my kids.

Wife of 5 years cheated on me with a guy from her work for basically no reason other than she “didn’t feel emotionally connected to me anymore.” As you might have guessed, this destroyed me emotionally, mentally, and even physically to some extent. I’ve spent the past couple months dealing with the logistics of getting divorced (lawyers, moving out, etc) and now that most of that is done, I don’t really know what to do with myself. Everything sucks, even my hobbies, and nothing brings me happiness or joy. I know this is normal for a while after something like this but damn, it fucking sucks. Looking forward into the future, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust someone like that again. I truly trusted her with everything in me, and for her to betray that trust makes me doubt I’ll ever trust to that extent again (I am not a naturally trusting person at all). If any of you went through something similar, did you ever start dating again and how long did it take before you fully recovered? Any tips to get through it? Thanks in advance.

I hired a lawyer to set aside my final divorce decree (long story short she coerced me into singing the divorce and I had to sign all overnights for my son away plus all assets). I hired a lawyer but he took 10 days to respond to my last E-mail. The current one was sent 6 full days ago, no response. should I worry? Get another layer? He sent me the whole motion, however I don't dare to go to court (negotiations) without a lawyer. Should I sed him a rinder E-mail or call him? What else can I do without harming our relationship?

I was married for ten years and together for 12. We have 2 children. He threat was always a divorce and she was certain they would side w her and I would have to pay her alot of money.
So after the final time of her threatening divorce, I signed on the dotted line. He revenge, which the only way she can control me and hurt me, was not working with me and seeing my children. She slapped my son, they said there was no bruises, she put the kids at a school near her home, even though they were in another school and loved it.
The case was sent to family courts and they gave her 100% of what she asked for each time. I just want 50%, my fair share with my kids. I could care less about money and the drama w her. I have been through two lawyers who were so busy they dropped the ball on everything. Family courts won't give me a reason why they side with her and have written pretty bad things that are 100% false.
I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. I get nothing but good praise on raising my kids. They are my world. Our state is a 50/50 state. And yet it's being ignored.
Not sure where to go from here. Appreciate all the advise and apologies if I broke any rules sharing this.

Hi everyone,
I’m starting the divorce process and I’m looking for advice. My husband and I have been married for 1 year and 7 months to date. We both work full time, I attend graduate school part time (my job pays for school through tuition reimbursement). His earnings are just over twice what I earn. We are in the state of CA. No kids, no shared assets. We are renting. Cars are separate property and I still owe on mine.
Basically we initially tried to agree to work things out ourselves and limit court costs and possible lawyer fees, but he’s being very non-cooperative and manipulative through the process and I think I might have to hire a lawyer after all.
Here’s our situation: - I have student loans (prior to marriage) and a $13,000 personal loan that was taken out during the marriage (in my name) used for credit card debt consolidation. Most of the credit card debt was accrued before the marriage but not all. All student loans are mine from prior to the marriage. - He has no debt. He claims we owe his dad $10,000 which was a loan that he pressured me into agreeing to accept, but it was never in writing and no payments have been made on it for the past six months. Mostly because he’s wanted to purchase other things and pay for fun events rather than pay his dad back. - We have no savings. - We are leasing a house and there is a security deposit associated with the move in - We have some community property in terms of items in the household, valued at around $8000. Everything else was technically purchased while we were dating and living together but not DURING the marriage.
Here’s where I feel I need a lawyer: - He threatened to get us evicted by not paying rent if I continued to live here in a separate bedroom throughout the remainder of the lease. Saying it’s not his problem that I don’t have the financial status to live here. So essentially I’m being pushed out of my home with no time to save up for a transition to a new residence while I assume all of my bills without his support in a dual income household any longer. Almost my entire paycheck goes into our household every time I’m paid, so it’s not like I’m not contributing financially. And my livelihood is made here, so he doesn’t get to just decide I don’t have the right to live where I work. I’ve lived in this town for 13 years and survived just fine without him prior to our relationship. - He’s switching around on what the money from his dad is…. First he claimed that the money was a loan that we owed him (nothing is in writing and no payments have been made in over six months). The money was given to him in cash, deposited into his personal account, and used for purchases when we moved into our house. He can’t prove exactly which purchases he made with the money. Of course I assumed this was marital debt and intended to pay his dad back as part of our financial plans, but then he switched to saying that money is actually a gift/inheritance from his dad to him. And that anything he’s bought with it is his alone and not mine for the taking when I move out. I said I didn’t want the money from his dad from the very beginning, but he pressured me into letting him accept it. Then every month since I’ve been trying to convince him that we should make payments, but he would instead put it off and say “he doesn’t need the money right now we can pay him later.” - Then there’s the issue of the lease deposit, he won’t acknowledge that I’m entitled to half of it because that was paid with the dad loan money so it’s all his (I have no idea if he’s calling it a gift or a loan anymore).
So I’m just confused on what to do and how to move forward. I’m getting approval from my job to temporarily work remote and live with family out of state so that I can save properly since he’s pushed me out of my home. In the meantime he’s telling me I can’t take anything out of the house because it was either bought by him before the marriage or bought using his dad’s money. And he’s also saying I can’t have my half of the deposit back and I can get an attorney if I want to fight him on it. All the while saying I owe his dad for the loan in addition to taking back ALL of my debt and bills.
It’s worth noting that he’s made the home very uncomfortable for me while I’ve been here, removing all of my decorations and replacing with his own, taking over the master bedroom and kicking me out of it, telling me it’s not his responsibility that I don’t have financial means to find an alternate residence in San Diego on a whim. He also initiated the divorce and has refused my requests for us to go to couple’s counseling for over a year. ALSO, throughout our relationship and marriage, I’ve only kept a small portion of my paychecks for personal expenses and shopping, and he allotted himself twice as much for purchasing whatever he wants every month.
Obviously I’m in a manipulative and controlling relationship, I just want what’s fair.
I’m wondering if anyone has been through a similar experience with hiring a lawyer for their divorce and how difficult it is to have the lawyer fees paid for by an uncooperative spouse? If he has his way and we go the lawyer free route, I’m leaving with nothing. I did some research and I might be able to request temporary spousal support since he makes so much more than I do, but I know he will fight me on it.
Only other thing of note is that my husband also gave me a loan for a portion of my credit card debt when we were still dating (nothing in writing, just a transfer to my account) and I began to repay him at that time, once we married he said it’s not something I have to pay him back for anymore because it’s “our” money from now on. But now he’s coming after me to pay him for that money as well. He didn’t even have the amount correct when he was making this demand. He said I would owe him $18K and it was actually $14K.
He’s also trying to convince me not to claim the split of the 401K and pension marital assets. I have these benefits as well (we work at the same company), but because he makes over double what I earn, I would be owed the difference. He called me a leech and said he worked hard for those benefits and it’s crazy that I would go after that.
Fun stuff! Any thoughts and opinions are much appreciated. Is a lawyer worth it? I was hoping we could just get into agreement over splitting these things up as we don’t have much in terms of assets and we haven’t even been married two years yet (together and living together for almost 4).
TLDR: We haven’t been married long and have little in terms of assets and shared debts. But is it worth the expense of a lawyer to defend myself against my husband’s uncooperative demands and avoid letting him push me out with nothing?

I spent years thinking my wife didn’t like the flavor of the rotisserie chicken. Every time I’d suggest getting one she’d crinkle her nose and firmly shake her head “no.” Although I personally thought the chicken tasted top-notch, to each their own I supposed. Well, today we got to discussing dinner and, to make a long story short, I find out that the true reason she doesn’t like the rotisserie chickens is because she thinks they’re a “bad value.” Now, we live a fairly frugal lifestyle, but we’re not THAT frugal. I probed and prodded for details about her blasphemous beliefs, but her argument didn’t hold up to scrutiny. Her only defense being that she’s thought that way for a long time and couldn’t really place any logical reasoning for why she felt that way. My mother didn’t raise a stupid man, and I knew when to let the subject die. But now I’m sitting here wondering how it is we could have grown this far apart. Is this what drives marriages to divorce? Can I hire a divorce lawyer through Costco?