Naics code for mental health counselor | | The friendlier part of Reddit.

Hello fellow Redditors! I apologize in advance because this is bound to be a shit show. :)
I wanted to put this at the beginning because I know this can be a dealbreaker for some and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. I deal with some mental health issues. I also have a very rough past and home life. It doesn’t define me, but it is something I deal with.
Anyways… I have the personality of an untrained golden retriever puppy (except I won’t pee on the floor). I’m super excitable and energetic. Very emotional and sensitive too. My bark is definitely worse than my bite though. (Probably because I’m short and can’t actually do anything) I’m also very nerdy. And sarcastic.
Slaps my head this human will provide so much love and affection (please tell me you get this reference)
I’m 5’3ish (No I don’t play basketball) and about 135lbs. I have short brown hair and a haircut that I hate (someone should really confiscate my scissors because bangs seem much more appealing at 3am) I’m pretty pale too (Think polar bear in a snow storm). I have freckles and blue eyes. I’ve also got the big nerdy glasses too but I don’t always wear them.
I LOVE music. I’ll listen to almost anything honestly. I constantly have headphones on (particularly to avoid people but also because I can’t live without my music) I also like to read and sew and draw for fun.
I am politically and socially left of center (I know, a filthy liberal). If you would unironically use terms like “snowflake” or “gay agenda” I’m definitely not your type.
I’m looking for a sweet, cute, nerdy guy who wants something serious and long term. I would prefer you were between the ages of 20-29. Oh and be local please!
I want to get to know you a little bit in your first message so I’m going to ask you to include the following information: name, age, where you live, a physical description and/or SFW picture, what you do for work, hobbies, hopes for the future/plans and goals, and what 3 adjectives best describe you.
Well um… I think that it? Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Depending on how many people respond I might not get to everyone. I also won’t respond if you don’t put everything I asked for in your message. I put a lot of effort into this post and would like if you put some into your reply!

Hi! Does anyone know the policy on sending a private in basic a portable charger? I did already get the green light to send it by a former DS that i know, but was wondering if anything special needs to be done regarding how it is sent? Thanks in advance.
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I'm going to transitioning from the Navy to the Army via an interservice transfer. I have four years, a deployment, and a lot of memories under my belt. I am electing to come back in as an O-1 into the Army as I have no interest in the limited job prospects that an O-3 with no Army experience would bring me, and frankly I don't give a shit -- it's just 4 years. My (fairly promising, at least based on what the Army side said) goal is to eventually be infantry.
Coming in as a new Army officer, what should I expect, both from the position of coming from a different branch and generally as a "new guy" Army officer?
What stuff (most likely) stays the same coming a ship, specifically ship-life? What changes the most?
How best can I take care of my people while still accomplishing the mission? I know this looks very different between branches. It's always a delicate balance.
What does the "daily grind" of a combart arms community look like? What's the "unnecessary BS day-to-day" that you guys get up to? (I can think of plenty of examples in the Navy, but I'm not sure they translate 1:1).
BONUS: What are your best and worst interaction stories with your fresh LTs?
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Im 25 with a bachelors in CyberSecurity, also an Eagle Scout. Have not done much volunteer or team leadership since then. Nor do I have much work experiance.
Am I too uncompetitive for an OCS slot for 17X?
I spoke to a recruiter who mentioned going enlisted at E4 with 17C, then after 1 year of training and 1 of actual work, applying for OCS then.
Is that a realistic scenario or classic recruiter talk getting my hopes up in order to boost elistment numbers?
Prior medical history includes inactive IBS + depression from a couple years back.
Also, what are the timeframes for getting in with both of these options?
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Is it worth getting Emt certified or Paramedic certified before going Army? I got DQ at meps and was told I need to wait a year due to medication I was on last year. I'm trying to find something to fill my time for when I'm able to enlist next year. Is this a good idea or a waste of time?
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I have been recently promoted, and clothing and sales is currently out of stock of my current rank, so I am unable to update my AGSU. We have room and uniform inspections soon, and my first line is attempting to make me wear my AGSU with incorrect rank. I have been looking through AR670-1 as well as AR700-84 trying to see if there is a reg against this, but have been unsuccessful in finding one. If there isn’t, I’ll deal, but I’m not too keen on wearing a previous rank. Any help backed by regs would be appreciated
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I’m going National Guard. I’m still working through the beginning process with my recruiter. Here’s the catch: I wasn’t born in the US. I was born in Kazakhstan.
I was never naturalized because when I was adopted into my family in 2002, the Child Citizenship Act passed in 2000 stating that the amendment is “to provide for the automatic acquisition of U.S. citizenship when certain conditions have been met.” — I have met these conditions and am a legal citizen of 22 years (Section 320 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. This amendment states that I also do not need a certificate of citizenship, which I never applied for as I legally do not need one.)
I have a passport, a social security card, a legal photo ID and a birth certificate. I DO HAVE a permanent resident card, but it expired years ago. I was a baby when my parents got it and they never renewed it. However, I am a US Citizen. I’ve lived here my entire life. The problem is, my recruiter insists that I must have that Permanent Resident Card up to date. I would do it in a heartbeat, but it costs $500.
Why is my passport, ID, SS card or birth certificate not enough to prove my citizenship? I’m frustrated and my parents are getting short with me constantly asking about it.
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Kind of a situational question. My wife is scheduled for C Section June 21st and it looks like I may get PCS orders before then. If I do, and the kid comes, what do I do? Soonest my wife’s doc says she can move is 6 weeks postpartum and my wife can’t look after our first kid and newborn while she recovers from surgery. Is there anything I can do to report closer to the end of baby leave? I’m a geobachelor.
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I just have a couple questions about how having a GED will affect my enlistment. I've heard it makes you ineligible for bonuses, but what about contract options? Could I still get an Option 4 contract? Option 19? If not, how many college credits would I need to move into the Tier 1 education category?
also, how do you increase your chances of going to certain schools (Airborne, Air Assault, Ranger, etc) if it's not in your contract? Going in as a 68W (Combat Medic) if that makes a difference
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Is there some regulation against sending a SM on a deployment/rotation when they are very close to ETS? Say 6 months out?
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Im a dumbass and made and said a lot of stupid ass shit that some hater who had it out for me has been basically (not really) 'blackmailing' me with that was on my laptop (private, never uploaded) which he hacked into . It was a bunch of questionable shit I said that basically makes me paranoid reasonably that I could possibly be court martial'd but I was never arrested or anything, and I'm sure the guy would upload it again if I joined the Military just to tarnish my good name. I said all this when I was 18 , but basically this dude came to my house and threatened my family with a knife and I responded, 'not so good' , and as a result, I was basically 5150'd and had lied to the people saying I was suicidal resulting in a medical documentation which has made me fearful of ever going to MEPS. So at the time I was 'isolated' so in attempt to expose the fact that there was a legitimate danger I reasonably tried to court attention on Twitter and basically did and said everything that could ever allow me to hold a security clearance before deleting it.
My perception of the event was that he was threatening my family with a knife, but to the outside world, he simply slashed my families tires. Basically he baited me and fell for it. There was much more to the story but if I could go back in time I probably would not have reacted the way I did but I was 18 and my mind was barely developing.

I was 5150'd and I was told I could never hold public office and I am barred from the Medical field . This of course was a lie, but it's BASICALLY on my Medical record and it's a huge red flag. So naturally, unable to join the Military, I was unable to complete my mission and of course, was put on medication for some time (7 months) until I can figure out what to do. So I been working warehouse jobs ever since that day . I am 23 years old now, the incident happened when I was 18. I was and still am a cross country runner who is fit and healthy , who can complete the physical requirements just fine but the 'Moral' and 'Medical' is what's preventing me from joining, open to debate. I haven't made the same dumb mistake of reacting to my families tires being slashed since and learned from that experience .

Obviously the Police knows what was on my laptop because this dude went around with the unauthorized material he was not allowed to have and actually put the content in DVD's around the city hoping someone would pick it up and read it , and I actually worked at a warehouse which actually had a police officer who worked there at the warehouse to check the hard drives for CP (i dont know the deal about that) , and he found the very same DVD filled with the content of my basically unhinged responses that I never uploaded to the internet .

Basically this dude mentally ruined my life but I wasn't the only 1 he has done this to, he has hacked into multiple people's laptops and slashed other people's tires before and distributed information and he has been arrested in the past .

I was wondering if I could be court martial'd for unprofessional conduct before I even join the military or am I just overthinking this? I basically had this huge 4 hour clip of a rant about his twitter account on my laptop that was perfectly constitutional legal but if you took things out of context it sounds like something that would have me arrested if I was in the military , and I never uploaded it, nor planned to. maybe it's just all in my head but as you can imagine , the real problem isn't my speeches that were on my laptop but the 5150'd , which was at the time and information I had at my disposable,a completely reasonable reaction to a violent threat.
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PCS’ing to Schofield tomorrow, any tips?
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Does anyone know if you still have to have a physical copy of your profile on you? I remember reading somewhere that you don't and your commander can look at it
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I recently graduated college and am looking for advice in terms of what I should expect/request in my contract for 68W MOS. I got my B.A. in cellular biology in the beginning of May and have been set on enlisting since my junior year; now that I'm in the last couple of steps with my recruiter before going to MEPS, I wanted to know if there was anything I should ask for based on my scores/degree (520 MCAT, 99 ASVAB, 146 GT) in terms of rank or guaranteed admission to schools (such as Airborne) coming in. I am looking at the 2-year contract as of now because I do want to apply to medical school down the line. If I enjoy my time, I am open to staying longer in the Army. However, there are some characteristics I currently need to work on that I know enlistment will provide (as opposed to OCS which would mean an extended contract) in addition to education benefits. Also, the alternative would have been doing a gap year in a lab or clinic which doesn't pay much better and is something I have done my fair share of. Any help is appreciated; thank you.
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This is kind of a weird question but i really want to join the army but my family is telling me that it’s impossible for me to join because unfortunately my parents passed by suicide and that alone will disqualify me. I’ve tried googling it and looking all over the internet to find a. Answer but I can’t find it. Is there any truth to that? Thanks if answered.
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I’m a drill right now and I’m looking at being Force reclassed and looking for a new MOS. I saw 51C and was curious if anyone knew what the day to day looked like? Or if anyone knew of any MOSs that were chill 9-5 jobs.
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How does the average person become an officer in the 75th or special forces? Even for support roles, don't most people have to go through the qualification training and fail?
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Do you ever feel remorse for the innocent civilians you slaughter in the name of imperialism and the military industrial complex?
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I've always had a draw to service, but my athletic opportunities usually kept me from it. Out of high school, I had the opportunity to play college baseball and passed up on trying the academy route. Once I got halfway through college, I wanted to try ROTC, but I was a starter on the baseball team and balls deep in a mechanical engineering course load, so it didn't seem feasible to add to my plate.
Now, I'm going on 24 with 2 years of experience as an ME in product development. Is there a military route for someone like me who does have a college degree, but is beyond the point of an ROTC college program? Is my specific degree useful for the military?
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I'm joining the Army soon, within a month or two. I've come up with an MOS list I made based on what I'm interested in (this is NOT a list of my available jobs based on my ASVAB score, just some jobs that sounded interesting based on the field I was looking into). I was mostly considering Logistics and Supply, but I am open to other potential fields, and jobs that aren't in the list below. Like I said, I want to do something in logistics and supply, but more so, just something non-combative that allows me to travel to most bases. What do you guys think about it? Any recommendations? I do plan to do something in law enforcement after I get out, but my MOS does not have to relate to that. Here is the list. The first two are the ones I'm currently considering, and the ones in parentheses are the ones I'm interested in.
(Cargo Specialist 88H)
(Unit Supply Specialist 92Y)
(Automated Logistics Specialist 92A)
(Ammunition Specialist 89B)
Ammunition Stock Control and Accounting Specialist 89A
(Corrections/Detention Specialist 31E)
Culinary Specialist 92G
Medical Logistics Specialist 68J
(Military Police 31B)
(Motor Transport Operator 88M)
Petroleum Supply Specialist 92F
Transportation Management Coordinator 88N
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Can someone please answer this question? If by some chance a person is granted a moral waiver for one felony possession charge on their record Will that allow you to join infantry or be around guns in general? Or would you have to have your firearm rights restored?
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Do you guys still have to have an NBC mask as part of the uniform when out in the field? If yes, do you still practice going into full MOPP gear?
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Completely off topic to Army. Has anyone used a gaems vanguard with the steam deck? Found one for cheap for field purposes but I can't find anything that says it works or not with the deck.
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30 year old with great Asvab and physical tests, no medical problems other than anxiety counseling in 2020. Problem 1: I have a large hand tattoo on my right hand. It’s a animal with some foliage and stuff. It is not on knuckles but descends from half sleeve down wrist and over top of hand.
Issue 2: I was discharged from navy boot camp in 2019. Long story. Mental health and personal reasons. I have an re-4 jfc on my dd 214. ( navy parting gift) I have authorized documents of treatment for my condition signed from doctor and no treatment or problems with mental health since early 2020 and no medication ever needed. Is there any shot I’d get approved for enlistment in the army ? @7hillsrecruiting
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Can someone please describe the process of renrolling into DLC? I did not complete it in the 720 day window however I am not barred from reenlistment (yet).
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Hey there ! I’m working things out to go to sign a 37F contract in the USAR soon since I had a high enough score on my ASVAB, but my recruiter confirmed that I would have to go to FSPC or Fat Camp due to being 2% over what’s allowed for body fat before I attend basic. I don’t mind basically getting paid to workout and learn about nutrition, but I’d love tips and just overall things to prep for before I have to ship out to it.
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i got Fort Sill as my first duty station im a 94T and i have family how is the on post housing or should i just rent a house off post
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I have a uniform question that i can not seem to figure out using ar670-1 or the pam currently i have been wearing my improvised hot weather combat uniform but the one i was issued back in 2019 apparently is the first generation that has the mesh lining in the pants and no velcro on the top of the shoulder pockets and my first line was telling me he doesnt think this is authorized anymore since a newer version was released so he asked me to look into the regulations but i cant find anything saying if i can or cant where it the most i know as of right now is the ihwcu is authorized but i have an older version apparently but its also what they issued me at ocie so im trying to find if anyone can help me out or knows if i can still where this i dont wanna buy a whole other uniform just because this doesnt have velcro on the top of these pockets
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What is the most realistic special operations group someone can join for the average person?
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Do you need a DA Form 1610 to attend the BAC? Fort Moore's website states you cannot attend BAC in a leave status, but how would anyone walk on if that's the case? And soldiers do walk on, I've heard firsthand.
I'm attempting to attend Airborne on leave before I PCS, is it possible? I just commissioned, and will be working for Cadet Command all summer before I PCS to BOLC.
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Can i join the ranger Special forces with a red/green color blind?
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Is someone able to join if blind in one eye
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As a prior enlisted, when I go to meps will the councilor just tell me my duty station I’m headed to after I pick my Mos? Will I have any say? How does that work from your experience
Any personal opinions and experienced insight is appreciated
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If someone becomes an intel officer, can they tryout for the 75th or the special forces?
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I have just returned from TDY, for Family separation pay, do I need to fill out 1561, or is it a special pay request on IPPS-A. Can’t find any answer from S-1, or other SM. Any help would be appreciative.
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I want to join the army, Can I pick a supply Mos with a ASVAB score of 41 and CL of 90 ?? The army website says yes I just wanted to know if the website is accurate. (92A/92y) Mos
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How long does it take for my rank to update in my email? I was promoted to SGT yesterday and it didn't update yet. It updated automatically for others in my unit. Do I need to update my CAC?
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I'm enlisting in the Army Reserve as a 35L and soon to go to basic in a few weeks. I have a couple of questions that are hovering over me since I'm counting down the days to basic training. I'm a lot older then most of the trainees are going to be in basic. I fear if I get injured or recycle for whatever reason. Will they change my mos because I didn't meet the allotted time slot for 35L AlT? Will I become over holdover until the next class? How frequent are the courses if held over? And also to add if any directions toward course work should I start studying to familiarize myself with?
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Anyone have an idea on what finance battalions are? Gonna be shipping out as 36B and I generally understand what the job will entail but lots of the comments I’ve read say “oh they’re reforming 36B into finance battalions”. Is this a good or bad thing?
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Prior service coming in; USMC to Army, E5. I’ve already gotten some good anti-cringe advice on general differences between the branches of service, but if anybody has advice on stuff to bring/not bring to AIT (I only got a bootcamp packing list) or tips I’m all ears.
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Is it common for people to become shorter from the ruck marches?
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Can you have nicotine in AIT, may be useful to add that I’m doing split training where I do basic one summer then do AIT the next.
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How does reclassing work? My window will be hitting soon and it’s time to move on. Will I have any Mos available to me? Duty station as well? I heard a lot about undeover strength Mos and how they affect reclassing. Any info on how it works would be great. Thanks fellas
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Is having a iep when I was in school a disqualifyer if not do I need a waivet
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I can barely do 5 push-ups, and I’m leaving for army basic combat training in 1 week, any recommendations?
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Pollen Allergies @ BCT Jackson
I am shipping out to basic training at the end of June. Has anyone had any experience with sick call during training and/or reception when dealing with seasonal/pollen allergies?
If this affected you, did you get prescribed anything or go to sick call any once in a while? I lived in GA for a stint and the pollen down south was not my friend so trying to prepare for the worst if possible. Not taking any meds right now.
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Can MPs join the 82 Airborne
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just graduated AIT, would it be possible to trade my duty station with another soldier for both of our benefits and we're both consenting ? he's got schofield hawaii and i have fort george meade maryland, im a pv2 he's a PFC and we have the exact same training and MOS? thanks.
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Ok - we who still watch the garbage that is reality tv might be aware of the “Scandoval” of Bravo fame currently unfolding on screens worldwide. It’s been a feature of recent news in this genre. Media influences get cited here a lot so maybe this one is worth looking at.
For those who aren’t VPR or Bravo fans, it involves a 40 year old man (Tom Sandoval) cheating on his partner of 9 years (Ariana) with her best friend (Raquel) in a sneaky long term way. Many see it as a double betrayal for Ariana who bought a house with Tom, didn’t want marriage or children but at age 38 froze future baby eggs solely because he said he wanted that, trusted and supported him, trusted and supported her bestie Raquel too. Tom says his infidelity was brought on by a mid-life crisis, Ariana sometimes talking down to him & not providing enough sex.
I hear and see the men here who feel they’ve been rejected by & dismissed by women entirely. I have empathy for their plight. The hurt we can do to each other is real. This however is a current example of how badly LTR commitment can turn out for women. Men cheat on women who’ve been good faithful partners. And yes, I know women do the same. I think any reasonable woman would want to avoid this betrayal at all cost. It had to hurt Ariana in the worst possible way. She tells Tom that she regrets ever loving him after she discovers video evidence of the affair on his phone. She tells Raquel to fuck right off.
It’s also an example of how women can brutally betray other women for male attention/validation & identity. Raquel is younger & since the scandal came to light has put out that she’s checked herself into a mental health facility but has thus far shown no real remorse. Ariana is thriving, getting endorsement deals & Tom is seen as a messy, manipulative, immature douchebag. Crisis PR teams are in place for all involved.
Can we talk Scandoval as a cautionary tale for both genders?

Hey there. I am a teenager who has never in their entire life downloaded any other mainstream social media than Discord (which I don’t use anymore after I left my only online friend that caused my low self-esteem to spiral) because I tend to live inside my own head, but nowadays it's getting really out of hand. It all started with my high-functioning intrusive thoughts ever since December of 2022. Every day I feel like I strive further from healing and I struggle to find hope nowadays. When I'm actually happy, I'm questioning myself via existential/nihilistic-driven thoughts while benefiting from these and feeling like I can conquer all of this in no time (I've realized it’s another cycle), but everyday I return and almost never get good sleep. It's been turning even worse ever since last month, where my brain realized it CAN BECOME alive EVEN within my deep inconsious mind. Today I haven't slept even a single second, however I have only let my brain stop for 20 minutes. I am the ruler of this mind, but due to low self-esteem I drop the sword I used to charge with pride at others - thus my insightful mind. I don't want to make this longer as this would spiral out of topic - however the only reason I installed Reddit is because I am extremely hopeless especially when my parents cannot comprehend what I am going through. They only turn out to be aggressive and classically call me a psychopath, despite the fact these intrusive thoughts have nothing to do with psychopathy; just stopping my flow of thoughts and blocking me from being innovative (+ restricting me from feeling intense emotions like euphoria.. i used to be an emotionally-responding child in a positive way). Being restricted from something you love feels painful especially when knowing the thought itself is the only thing standing and blocking your sense of "innovativeness" and not being able to conquer it due to low self-esteem, which is, on the other hand, the REAL problem and the cause of this all. People say that Insomnia is often cause by another internal (possible, as my intrusive thinking/O-OCD is not diagnosed) mental health issue. Everyday I hope less and less, everyday I worry more despite knowing worrying will definitely make it worse, but I just cant help it due to my all-time-low self esteem. I miss being happy and not depriving myself of euphoria and wonder for this world I used to feel like an infant child. I've even called a hotline at 4 am and they just disregarded me as any other "kid" that has called to them, thinking I will get better on my own within few days because they think I will get tired of it. My country is very little, so this was one of my last choices. Side question: should I battle for a therapist? (I've got only 1 friend I have vented to over a hundred times but by no means is she a professional to help me out.)

I'm in a bit of a recent OCD cycle here where my morbidly curious brain is telling me to watch an awful cartel torture video which may leave me quite scarred afterwards. I may be absolutely fine with it, but why take the risk. I've seen gore/bad stuff before as part of my job, but for some reason I've got my guard about watching this and I'm determined not to give in and satisfy this compulsion. I'm already in a bit of a fragile place with my mental health at the moment, so I really don't want some snuff video to be etched in my brain for a long time.
I was wondering what techniques you guys had when you have an obsessive thought come into your head? Do you try and turn it into a funny one/replace it with a good thought, kind of like a Bogart in Harry Potter?

I started at 110kg in January and have just dropped below 80kg! M29, 177cm. I managed to lose the first 20kg in 3 months and this 10 has been much slower going! I am so happy and proud of myself and just wanted to share in the hope it inspires someone to keep going! I am so much happier with myself, I have more energy and better mental health. I set a new goal for myself of 75kg but am taking it slow, looking to build muscle more than just lose weight.

For some context, I went to the high school across the street from my apartment from August to September. I really liked it, but had a couple issues. First, I have trouble with the loud noises and bright lights that go with high school (I'm autistic), and came home a lot feeling overwhelmed. Another issue happened in early September, where I missed a week of school because I had gotten a bad sinus infection. When I came back to school, most of my classes had dropped me from an A or B to an F. I got really overwhelmed by trying to complete all of the work in these classes.
After that, a hurricane hit and we didn't have school. I made the decision to ask my dad if I can do online. He, surprisingly, agreed almost instantly. Now that I think about it, the reason it surprises me was because when I was doing online in 7th because of Covid, I had enough trouble with it where I was kicked out and was forced to go back to public school.
Back on topic, I've done virtual since October now. It's been horrible. I've had lots of trouble focusing on my work, and a lot of the time, I forgot to do it. My dad just says I'm being lazy because I don't want to do the work. In December, our family got Covid, and only a few days after we had healed up, my dad was sent to the hospital and didn't come back home until the end of January. My mental health was also shit during that time, so I forgot about my work.
Some of the teachers I had in the virtual program kicked me out after a couple weeks of no work. I was able to get put back into the same courses by re-enrolling, but with different teachers and beginning back at the start of the course. After all of this, I told my dad that I'd rather go back to public school instead of continuing with online. He was fine with it, and I told my mom, and she was fine with it too.
I'm probably going to be held back in 9th grade, since I don't have the credits to move onto 10th yet.
I just wanted to say this to someone else who isn't my parents, I guess. I know I could've been a better student, I just struggled a lot.

Anyone else do a 2 hour or more commute to work everyday? I’ve been doing it for a year now and I would highly highly recommend to never do it. Unless you earn tonnes from that job 😂.
I’ve noticed in a year, my mental health has deteriorated, I’ve put on weight, generally look different to how I did a year ago! For reference I live in Norwich and work in Cambridge, the area of my job is not readily available in Norfolk hence my trips. I am however finally looking to move on. As my 8am starts leaving at 6am and home by 6pm have fully spent me.
If anyone has done this before let me know how you felt! Anybody looking to do this please don’t 😂

What would you do if you have a job that's a decent salary and not too hard in itself, but is a toxic role and a toxic team. To the point where your mental health is battered:

managers don't listen, dont help and just say you're not resilient when you try and confont them about all the issues
the team not working as a team and individuals doing anything they want and not telling team members of their decisions, when it's supposed to be a team project, even though again you've raised this before....
undervalued for the skills you were hired to bring to the role (E.g . ignored)

I hope this is the right place and someone can tell me what may have been going on in my village. I moved here a few weeks ago. It's a small village in the heart of Russia and my parents and I came here because things start to get really bad in Moscow and my father lost his job. I don't know why we had to move to this isolated village, so far away from civilization. Maybe my parents wanted peace and quiet? To escape the things in that city, the poisoned minds?
The houses here had all been far below average in price. Almost everyone who lives here has moved here recently.
But, there are crazy rumors about this village that people tell each other. It was found abandoned in the mid-nineties. Where everyone went, no one knows. They say that no signs of people were found at all, nothing. But... everywhere in and around the village… strange patches of earth had been discovered, circular and smooth. Not only in the forest or on the road, but also in the dilapidated wooden houses. At our new neighbors' house, one of the mysterious spots had supposedly been found right in the living room floor, where the floorboards had been just cut away.
These rumors scare me. I am afraid of this village. But yesterday... I was redoing the floor in my room with my father and there... I found a notebook under the old boards. I hid it from my father, I don't know why... Someone must have left it there.
Last night... that's when I read it. I read it and now I'm incredibly afraid of this house and this village. Of the fields and the woods that surround me. The notebook apparently belonged to someone called Ilya Vasiliev. I have tried to translate what he wrote, hoping that someone here can help me find an explanation for the rumors. For this uneasy feeling that I have since I moved here...
***********
I am fine. I want that to be clear from the beginning. My story is strange and in huge parts troubling, but I am still in the best state of mental health.
I am fine!
My story begins seven months ago, in December 1979, when deep winter was upon our village. We were preparing for Christmas, the first Christmas to be celebrated publicly throughout the village, after years of having to practice our faith in secret because the Soviet government did not allow religions. Only in the last few years did the Reds' view loosen and they allowed small islands of faith. One of them was my village, which finally dared to celebrate and praise the Lord.
I have been a believer all twenty years of my life, an exemplary Christian, just like my parents. Faith had kept our family line alive in times of terror and misery. Death had always been close to us, as the fields where most of the population of our village had worked for generations had once brought the end of hundreds of people. Many years ago, on those fields, atrocities had occurred that had finally given them their present name: The Fields of Death.
I myself had not been born back then, not by a long shot, but my grandparents had spent their childhood there, a childhood full of hunger and depravity. My grandfather Fomenko often told me and my sister the stories he had experienced and how faith had saved everyone. There had been a long, cold winter and the grain had been confiscated by the government to be taken to the cities for distribution. After all, the grain belonged to all the people, not just those on the farms who planted it, tended to it, and harvested it. And so, the only food of that time left my grandfather's village and never came back. Some of his neighbors had once tried to hold back some grain, to hide some sacks, but when they were caught, a hail of bullets determined their fate. People lived in fear, not daring to stop working, not daring to keep for themselves the food that was destined for the common good. In those days, horrors happened in my village that I cannot truly picture today, not even when I hear my grandfather's usually clear voice begin to tremble. When I see in his eyes that he would rather forget, in order to experience a peaceful sleep once again… someday.
He told us about those horrors to warn us of how quickly life can plunge from safety into infinite terror. Winter had reigned. The grain was being hauled away. They still shot all those who tried to keep back pieces of it, be it a sack or some husks that had fallen from a cart. In time, hunger began to drive people in our village insane. Parents locked up their children so they wouldn't be taken by neighbors to feed their hunger. Friends turned their backs on each other and killed each other in fights for the last livestock that was still breathing. The streets reeked of decay and death, of misery and suffering. One day, my grandfather told us, he had hidden in the back room of his house while his parents dragged themselves, emaciated, to the fields to pick the last scraps of grain from the furrows with their dirty, half-frozen fingers. He had come across a book there, a book that had saved his life.
The word of God. An old Bible.
My grandfather had learned to read at an early age, one of the sad advantages of living in the Soviet Union.
It was in the room I now live in that Grandfather Fomenko had found the dusty book. Actually, he had been looking for something to eat, the days before he had found some sawdust. But despite his hunger and the grumbling in his stomach, eating the book was out of the question. Books were sacred, and no book as sacred as this one. He had begun to read and learned about the greatness of the Lord. Of the miracles his Son had performed. And of the magic of faith. His stomach had growled, but he had ignored it. The words gave him comfort.
The next day he immersed himself in the book again, disappearing into better worlds and times, hearing wisdom and encouragement. But around noon there was a knock at the door. My grandfather emphasized each time that he had not been afraid, that he had known that the Lord would protect him, when the old neighbor gained entrance to our house armed with a cleaver. It was clear what he wanted: Meat. My grandfather told us each time about how the neighbor had looked more undead than human, stinking and with sunken eyes, smelling like death from his mouth, the cleaver trembling in his hand.
"I'm sorry, boy," was all the man could get out.
My grandfather tried to mimic this poor man’s voice at the end of his wits, to express his pain through words so that we understood that poor fellow a little.
The Lord's words had given courage to my grandfather in his most terrible moments. He had stood up and firmly said:
"Away with you, the Lord protects the inhabitants of this house!"
But the intruder did not care, coming closer. And so, my grandfather again sought comfort and prayed. He prayed for mercy and peace and for his life. He would serve the Lord for the rest of his days. Trust Him blindly.
Suddenly, like a gruesome miracle, the famished intruder let out an inhuman groan and collapsed, lifeless and debilitated. There had been no hunger for my grandfather and his family for a week after that. My grandfather had been praying to the Lord since that day, thanking Him for His mercy. The story spread around the village and out of desperation or hope, in the next few days everyone secretly knelt in front of small wooden crosses they had made themselves and prayed to the Lord. A week later, like a miracle, the long-awaited delivery of grain arrived, along with spring. There had not been another bad time since then.
These events are the reason for the faith in our village... and our family. The psalm my grandfather had prayed as the hungry neighbor attacked had become the guiding psalm of our faith. All these years we had not been able to celebrate Christmas with the other families, but since the restrictions on faith communities had been relaxed, we had all finally decided to celebrate the holy festival in the village square. And so, we started the preparations.
There, in those evening hours, my part of the story begins. I and my younger sister Zarina, together with other youths and young adults, were fetching wood for the fire that was to burn in the center of our village. So, we went out into the night, dressed with thick pelts, to fetch logs from the edge of the fields that some men had prepared.
My breath could be seen as an icy breeze in the dawning darkness and I was already looking forward to dancing around the fire with everyone later, drinking good drinks and eating sumptuously. I was glad that we didn't have to walk across the fields themselves, but could stroll along their edge to get the logs.
You can feel death when it has hit a place. I was glad that I didn't have to work the fields myself, and had learned the carpentry trade. Therefore, I was spared from having to wander around there every day, among the echoes of past atrocities and sadness.
We were all in good spirits, strolling over the muddy ground, when all at once Zarina pointed up and into the clear night sky.
"Look, an angel is descending!" she exclaimed excitedly.
We all looked to where her outstretched hand pointed. A round light glowed in the night sky, glaring yellowish and shining strangely cold.
"It's singing! At Christmas! The Lord puts our feast under his sign!" Zarina cried.
We stopped and listened into the silence of the night. At first, I could hear nothing, at first, everything remained quiet, and only the distant beating of axes and the rustling of the wind in the treetops were audible.
But then, there in the wind, I could hear it, briefly but clearly. It was a kind of melodic whisper, joyful, yet also strange and otherworldly. It was heard only very briefly, and soon died away as the glow flew out of sight and disappeared somewhere far away.
"Let's go find the angel! Let's..." Zarina cried, continuing excitedly, but I interrupted her.
"We have to get the wood. We can report back to the village later, if it hasn't already been noticed there too," I said.
"You heard the singing! Surely that was an angel. Shall we leave it there? It may have gotten hurt, it must have hit something!" Sasha murmured.
Sasha was my oldest friend and one of the boys who worked on the fields. He had always been very caring and had always tried to help where he could. His parents were long dead and the old lady who had raised him was no longer around, either. So, he struggled along, working the fields, but the rest of us looked out for him.
"Shouldn't we go and look for it, Ilya?", Sasha continued to urge me anxiously.
We thought about it for a long time but decided to leave the decision to the others in the village. Trusting the Lord to guide our actions, we quickly moved on in the direction of the woodcutters to complete our task.
We were not the only ones who had seen the glow. When we returned to the village square loaded with logs, everyone was in great excitement and full of joy that the Lord had sent us this sign of His greatness. Not everyone agreed whether it was an angel or a return of the poinsettia that had been witnessed, but everyone was sure that the Lord had sent us encouragement. So, we celebrated our first Christmas full of joy and pleasure, with good food, dancing and singing, full of happiness and under the protection of the Almighty Lord. I will always think back to those days, always keep in my heart how I glimpsed a part of the Lord in the sky.
We all talked about the event and even the older people were fascinated and inspired. Even my grandfather and the others who had witnessed the worst death and misery in the world seemed to slowly find a spiritual peace they would never have dreamed of otherwise. They were happy and strengthened in their faith. However, we were not sure if it had really been an angel who had come down and so we hesitated to go and look for the creature of God.
But in the night, after the light had shone in the sky, I was awakened by Zarina crying in her sleep. I straightened up and slowly paced over to her bed, where in the semi-darkness she began to squirm, shaken by spasms.
"No, no, no..." she moaned painfully.
I began to shake her to wake her up. Zarina did not respond to me. Her face was like a distorted mask hiding something bad underneath. Her breathing became shallow, and she began to whimper. I was terrified and began to pray. The Lord had to save her, He just had to save her!
Zarina twitched more and more, started coughing and whimpering louder and louder. Slowly, the rest of the family woke up and my parents and grandfather huddled tightly around her, praying for her to open her eyes.
"Please, don't take our child! She has only been in your world for fourteen years..." my father cried, as panicked and desperate as I had ever seen before.
His thick, black mustache trembled with fear.
Then, abruptly, Zarina stopped convulsing.
For a terrible moment she just lay there, her hair disheveled, her face pale in the glow of the candle my mother held over her.
"Mom, Dad, Ilya, Grandpa... what's wrong?" she suddenly asked sleepily.
For a moment it was as if nothing had happened, as if I hadn't just seen my sister almost die, but then she began to cry.
"What's wrong, dear?" my father asked, just as pale in the face as Zarina.
It took a while before she found some calm and was able to talk to us.
Finally, she croaked:
"I saw the angel. I was with him."
A revelation? Had the Lord touched my sister?
We all said another prayer and finally, filled with awe, I asked:
"Where did you see the angel? Is it here? With us?"
She looked at me briefly, seemed to hesitate for a little moment, and then reported:
"I was with it… in a dream. It was in a white village, a village made of angel dust. I saw it. It didn't have wings and that's why at first I wasn't sure if it was an angel. However, soon it spoke to me."
"What did it say, Zarina?", I asked tensely.
"It said it was not God, but 'the Witness'. It sounded like a man and a woman and a child and a baby and... It felt peaceful. Calm and carefree. Then I woke up."
"An angel. Angels are the witnesses of God, that's how it must be!" my father said enthusiastically.
Suddenly, everyone seemed to be talking at once.
No one knew what Zarina's words meant, but we were sure that they contained something incomprehensible that we, as ordinary people, could not understand. But everyone was delighted. Everyone was caught in a beautiful dream.
The next day, the adults sat together in the large barn near the edge of the village, which was used for community events. Most of them found seats on the lined up wooden benches and the rest stood crowded against the old walls, some of which were already rotten. Dimitri, probably the closest thing to a mayor, sat at a heavy pine table at the end of the room, staring at the crowd, while my parents and Zarina sat on old chairs in front of him. Tensely, the crowd looked at them, waiting for someone to say something. Finally, Dimitri cleared his throat thoughtfully.
"You... all saw or heard about the falling star. It was brighter than the others that keep crossing our sky and much more... melodic. Some even heard the singing. Whoever still doubted that the Lord sent us his messenger... doubts are now useless. Zarina has received a vision. She has seen how the angel, who was sent by God, walked on our earth, and visited a village and consecrated it with its grace. She has seen the angel marching to spread holiness in these lands..."
"Are we sure?"
Mary, the dressmaker, had stood up. She was still young, my age and Sasha's, and she always wore her blond hair carefully braided, her dresses self-made, blood red and flashy, with silver embroidery. As always, she wore makeup - a luxury not many could afford. In other places she would have been considered a lady, but she was also a skeptical person, and I had not liked her very much since childhood, because she often made insinuations that seemed to go against the Lord. Also, she had never played with us outside and had always thought of herself as someone… better. I was shocked that she now so obviously doubted the Lord's actions.
"Mary. Zarina has seen a vision. The Lord spoke to her through her dreams! An angel has joined us. How can you deny it?" my father asked coldly.
"I'm not denying it, I'm just saying, what if there is something dark that the angel was sent to fight? What if it is going into battle against some unknown evil? The angel may be spreading sanctities, but we have no idea if it is trying to redeem us or defend us..."
"It said it was a witness of God," I noted.
"That's what Zarina said when she woke up."
"Then it is benevolent to us! We must find it!" someone shouted from one of the back rows.
An excited murmur began to spread through the room.
"Silence!" Dimitri thundered.
His face looked hard but determined.
"We have to get to it! If it is a message from heaven that the angel wants to bring us, we must hear it! How many can we spare? Who would even want to voluntarily leave the village? We don't know how long the journey will be, and you yourselves know how dangerous this area can be..."
A loud commotion broke out. Everyone shouted at once and volunteered. I also jumped up and loudly offered to go out to look for it.
The angel. The Witness of the Lord.
I imagined meeting it in a clearing, under a full moon. Hearing its bright voice, gaze in awe at its graceful form, and fall to my knees in prayer before it.
"SILENCE!" Dimitri shouted.
"You can't all go. The kids wouldn't make it in the deadly cold out there. Let seven go. Seven is the Lord's number, there must be seven! Seven workers from the fields! We can't spare any more!"
"You can't be serious!" I cried out.
Cold anger boiled up inside me.
"I want to go, too. We all want to. You can't just stand there and make a decision like that!"
Others joined in.
"SILENCE," Alexeij now thundered, the master blacksmith.
"We need you! Daniil, Ilya, Nikita, you have a job to do! We can't get by without you! You can't go, be reasonable!"
"But if the Lord wills it, he will make sure that everything here will work out. That nothing will happen!", I tried to argue, still boiling with anger.
"No. Winter is tugging at our huts, we need you," my father said slowly.
"So do the others. Without you, it's going to be tight. The fields lie under the snow, but everything else will be weakened by time and storms. We can only spare the field hands. Besides, they're the ones most likely to withstand the cold and the wilderness; after all, they're constantly out on the Fields of Death, toiling in the wind and rain. They'll all make the trip!"
I tried to change his mind, and several came to my aid, all those who were also forced to stay.
"You can manage without a dressmaker! I want to go too!" Mary cried defiantly, her cheeks red with anger, her nose wrinkled.
This young woman really believed she deserved the sight of the angel! She really believed her hypocrisies would deceive the Lord, despite her obvious doubts about His divinity!
Others also complained, young and old, many who didn't deserve to go and even those who did.
But it didn't help.
Dimitri was in charge. Everyone knew that. If we started to contradict him, our village would soon end up in chaos. And deep down I knew that I had to stay. That I had to take care of my sister, who would not survive a trip in the snow. That I had to repair the huts that the storms would eat away at.
Sasha was a field worker, he was allowed to go. Sasha and Sofia, Anatoly and old Igor, Ivan and Yulia and Mikhail. When the decision was made, a decision many of us accepted only with heavy hearts and which brought out deep envy in several faces, some of the chosen ones began to cry. They were happy, fulfilled... satisfied. They would see the messenger of the Lord, hear its melodious voice, sing its hymns.
Why wasn't I allowed to go? Why was the world so unfair? I had always believed in the Lord, prayed to Him, been subject to Him and lived according to His will. Why hadn't he chosen me to see his messenger? I had been so proud back when I had been allowed to learn the carpenter's trade and thus had not to go to the Fields of Death to toil there. At that time, I had felt like someone better when I saw Sasha and Sofia setting out early in the morning with all the other workers, with their old-fashioned plows and thick, shabby clothes.
Was this the punishment for my arrogance?
The Lord knew everything. He had seen what repulsive thoughts I had had, how superior I had felt to the others. Perhaps it was my punishment that I was not allowed to go. Perhaps the Lord was no longer favorable to me and I would have to prove myself to Him.
The next day, the seven set out north. They were seen off with singing and dancing; they were the center of the village’s attention. Envy threatened to drown me.
Why not me? Why wasn't I allowed to go? Why did I have to stay here?
And I knew: it was because of these thoughts. I wasn't pure enough. I had to get better, work on myself.
As the others disappeared from sight, as the small group seemed to be swallowed up by a patch of forest between distant trees, an icy chill ran down my spine.
What if they really did encounter evil? What if Mary had been right?
I prayed to the Lord that they would return home safely: Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
He would bring them home safely, our pilgrims. I did not begrudge them their happiness. I was not a selfish person, was not complacent like Mary or some others in the village. I lived by the word of the Lord and I would not begrudge them.
They would all return home safely.
I continued to stare into the distance for a long time as my suppressed envy sought to consume me. But I was winning.
For darkness is as light to you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Even though the days and weeks passed, I never forgot to think of all those who had set out to witness the glory of the Lord. The cold winter had passed and frost and cold left the land, so that soon we could begin to prepare the fields for sowing. Since the sighting of the angel had caused us to let some of the farm workers leave, and they stayed away longer than we had expected, I had to join others in helping to plow the Fields of Death. The work was exhausting and made me physically very tired, since I still had to work in the carpenter's shop as well. We could not afford tractors, so we still had to resort to older tools. So, it happened that one day I was driving one of the hand plows through the dirty ground and was lost in my thoughts and full of sweat.
I was quite far away from the village, as the nearby surroundings had been worked shortly after the beginning of the thaw. The fields were extensive, partly reaching further than the eye could see. Only in one direction the dense forest extended, which introduced the beginning of a dark hilly landscape, that finally merged northward into high, alien mountains, whose white peaks rose high into the sky and, like once the tower of Babel, blasphemously tried to penetrate the heavens. But next to these distant giants there was only the plain, the vast plain that had to be tilled.
I hated the field work. And I hated the fields.
Every time I even thought about this piece of hell that had become reality long ago, my stomach turned. All the events that clung to this dark place, all the human lives and suffering that had sown the ground with death and blood here many years ago....
It was even worse when you stood in the fields yourself, truly being there on your own. It was as if I could smell it in the air, the rot of the starving and the hot blood that had watered the soil. It was as if I could still hear in the air the cries and wailing of the people who had met their end here, who had pleaded for their lives and the lives of their children and friends. It was as if I could see them in the early morning fog banks that lay on the Fields of Death, the shadows of people past, crawling and cowering, weak and starved. I had to pull myself together and look away, into the forest. A place does not forget, a place always remembers the days gone by and the cries that had been.
The plow pulled through the ground, ripping a furrow behind it. It was almost a bit comforting to imagine I was gutting this place of horror with my labor, inflicting deep wounds. Hypnotized, I stared down over and over again, watching the ground swirl to one side, smelling the fresh earth being pushed to the surface. But never could I escape my terrible feelings and the forebodings, never could I forget what kind of place I was at.
The few times I looked to the forest beside me, my thoughts wandered enviously to all those who had set out to find the angel. Had they reached it yet? Had they already learned from it what needed to be done for God's power on earth to be strengthened so that false prophets and promises could be swept away? How to drown the selfishness of the state? What needed to be done to serve the Lord?
Oh, how I would have loved to be there! How I would have loved to go with them, but I also understood the decision not to send everyone, and I understood my family's objections. I was needed here. I could serve the Lord here by tilling the fields and taking care of the soil and the sowing. I had to care for my sister.
I had already made several furrows when noon came. The sun was almost not visible, just a murky spot behind the clouds, and the fog had not lifted either. The world looked pale and apathetic. But amongst all the desolation I could suddenly hear something, something that seemed to come out of the forest.
It was at first just like a rustling in the wind that sounded a bit too regular, such that it triggered a natural uneasiness in me. I looked into the forest, but could hardly make out anything through the dense plants and the still lingering fog. That is why it was left to my own thoughts to imagine what was there, what was producing this strange noise.
I could not remember any animal that made similar sounds, was at a loss.
Suddenly, a bang echoed through the forest, accompanied by a panicked scream that broke inhumanly from the trees and spread across the fields.
Then, something new joined the sounds in the air.
The trees and bushes rustled, almost seemed to be torn apart.
Something was running through the forest, something seemed to be... coming right at me.
Was it perhaps a startled bear, an elk, or a wild boar?
Had one of the hunters from the village accidentally startled an animal, scared it in the wrong direction and now wanted to warn us with their cry? But then, why this panicked sound...?
I paused, took my hands off the rusty handles of the plow, and turned toward the forest. Still, I could only see fog, I could only hear rustling, but slowly I could also make out grunts and groans coming to me from the fog. It sounded heavy and panic-stricken.
Was I in danger? I began to pray to the Lord and ask him for assistance. I was not a fighter and so I had to hope that nothing would reach me from the depths between the trees that could easily tear me apart.
Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
My baptismal motto gave me courage. The Lord saw me, even in my darkness, and would be with me.
For darkness is as light to you.
Then, someone burst out of the bushes and the fog and rushed toward me.
It was Sasha.
I almost didn't recognize him. His skin was pale, almost snow-white. His black hair stuck to his sweaty face. His pants and jacket were almost completely torn, so I could see his dirty shirt and his cut and bruised legs through the holes. There were also some small cuts on his face that worried me. Sasha's eyes twitched searchingly, panicked, and in his hand, he held the rifle that he had taken with him when he had once set out. Apparently, he had run through brush and thorns, had gotten scrapes and wounds from stones and branches.
When he saw me and looked at me with his big, panic-filled eyes, I became horridly afraid.
It was as if… behind his eyes there was no Sasha anymore, but only an animal. As if instinct had taken over his thoughts when an unnamable terror had entered his world. An animal inside him, which had enabled him to escape from... something.
Sasha staggered out of the forest, it was almost as if all strength left him now that he was back home. The rifle fell from his hand and dug into the mud beneath his feet. He limped slowly toward me, not taking his eyes off me. Then, suddenly, he wheeled around and looked back into the forest and the mist.
Only for a moment.
Again, he let out a shrill scream and sprinted the last few meters. When I looked into the forest myself, I saw nothing, only the fog.
But, didn't I feel a presence there, in the bushes? Between the trees?
I didn't see anything.
Sasha had reached me and collapsed. I quickly knelt down next to him and called for help. But the other field workers had already rushed over, obviously attracted by the rifle shot. I was in a trance, seeing only Sasha lying there, supporting his head. His eyes were still twitching around and despite my proximity he didn't seem to recognize me. He looked at me, confused.
"Sasha, what happened?", I asked, feeling his forehead.
Despite his paleness, he was uncomfortably hot.
A fever raged in his body. Who knew how long he had been running around there among the trees, his protective, warming jacket torn? With wounds that had not been tended and some of which were still bleeding?
Then another horrible thought occurred to me.
"Sasha, where are the others? Sasha, where are the others?"
This question apparently brought back some clarity that his gaze had not possessed before.
"They... they took them. Took all of them... All of them. All our brothers, all our sisters... all of them," he gurgled.
*********
So, this is the first part of what I found. I will hurry to translate the rest! But I will definitely stay out of the woods for now... They are still as creepy as described by Ilya in this document and fog ist still around every morning... Also, I don't know what to make of Ilya himself as well, is he just a religious nut and that is the explanation? I just don't know...

My roomate is driving me crazy. We met in college last year, and I’ve come to realize he’s essentially throwing his life away. He has a history of dating the worst people imaginable, keeps changing majors / failing classes and costing himself and his parents thousands, can’t go a day without smoking weed and can’t go an hour without his vape, hasn’t really pursued a job of any kind but breaks down about how he has no money, blames all of his poor choices on mental health but proceeds to not take advantage of the efforts his parents have made like scheduling visits with a therapist (he forgets all the time). It’s just so hard watching someone sink their own ship, then complain about it and expect sympathy from you.
Just the other day he actually got a job as a server, but quit after a week because it was “affecting his mental health.” As someone with diagnosed depression (thanks genetics!) I totally understand, but still I can’t help but think about how some of us don’t have the luxury to do that. A lot of us work tough jobs we hate at some point in our lives, whatever pays the bills. He said it was fine because he had two other potential job opportunities, but I don’t think he actually followed up enough on those and one night when I brought it up, he blew up on me about how of course they didn’t work out and nothing in his life is easy for him. I found out later he filled out one of the applications wrong and the other he never so much as even called the manager, just texted one of the girls he used to work with who promised to ask about openings for him.
At this point maybe I’m just super jealous of him. I know his life isn’t perfect by any means and we all handle things the best we can. Anyone still reading please don’t hesitate to call me out on what I’m about to say, but I feel like his life’s no harder than mine and he gets away with so much more than any of us without even realizing it. I try not to make this competitive, but it’s so hard when he uses it as an excuse all the time. I’m an eldest daughter with divorced parents while he’s the youngest sibling but his mom’s only child, which I really think will help allude to the differences in our lives without me having to sit here and type out all of the comparisons one by one.
I mean even when I vent about my life or have my own moments where my world is crashing down, it’s like he suddenly has a really rough moment too and some of our mutuals haves made note of this. Every single day too there’s something new and terrible about his life, he’s like a main character in a sitcom. and I’m trying to be a good friend and stay supportive but I’ve started distancing myself.
In summary, he just seems to be making a bunch of stupid choices here lately, then complaining that “things never go right for him” but he seriously never seems to give anything more effort. I’m trying to be understanding, but it’s taking everything in me not to snap at his constant trauma dumping when his life is no harder than mine.

Recently bumped into my tf after some time of separation and for the first time I opened up about my mental issues that block intimacy. He comforted me and was supportive. I’m having such a hard time with accepting my vulnerability. He hasn’t contacted me again since and I feel so confused and scared because the thoughts are far more intense now. I have so much inner work to do and this has just become very distracting and I’m concerned for my mental health. How do I move forward with all these emotions?

Background: adopted two kids from my brother and his ex. Both signed rights away at 1 years old. Lots of domestic violence, mental health issues and neglect. I have to have a relationship with my brother obviously but had to cut ties with biomom because she kept overstepping her boundaries and confused my kids.
Biomom has other kids from another marriage that wasn’t my brother. We tried to let all the kids maintain contact but it became very difficult because the half siblings were constantly asking our kids to come live with them again, showing pictures of their mom pregnant with them etc. our kids were so confused about the situation. As mentioned before, biomom was harassing us and constantly overstepping boundaries. Since then we cut ties and haven’t looked back.
Well flash forward, we go to a camp today and see the half siblings there. All the kids appear excited to see each other. One starts calling her mom to tell them about seeing each other. They started telling our kids “we are sisters you need to come over!!” I told the kids no we aren’t going to do that.
We left the camp really upset because we didn’t know if it was a good idea for them to stay there and listen to all of the confusing conversations and reminders that they are “missing” others. Our kids are on the spectrum (ASD) and don’t quite understand things like this. I have no idea how to handle this situation.
Any advice?

i've been struggling with my mental health since i was 13. ever since i was little i planned i was going die by the age of 20. now i'm 22 and it feels like my whole existence is not worth trying for. i feel so lost and every single day just keeps on hurting. i have bpd so the pain i feel is constant and sometimes i just scream in my pillows because i don't want to live in pain anymore. i want to live so bad, i want to have fun and enjoy every day but this bpd is like caging me. i've been on meds for long but honestly nothing mends my pain anymore. i have so many goals, i want to work and buy my cats a water fountain and i want to move out and even go to college and study sociology there.. but i swear i can't look forward tomorrow anymore, i can't wake up any more days feeling so alienated from the world. i tried everything, i wanted my life to be so much better but i give up. i just hope once i am gone i will no longer hurt and i'll go somewhere heartache doesn't reach.

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4 years, dumped by text with little explanation. Everything seemed great from where I stand (and I'm not kidding, literally days before we had explicit conversations and we'd even talked about living together) so I don't know what happened, but she sent me a text at 2am saying we're better as friends, she's been upset in general with life and the relationship but that I'd not done anything to cause this. Naturally I had some questions like if she was ok, could we talk this out, and I was shut down and told just to 'respect her decision' which I think is a bit much to ask when you're not going to let me have a say.
Between these factors, I don't think I can be her friend, and I'm gutted. This relationship was my longest, my happiest and I thought we were both on the same page and she never let me know otherwise. I feel too strongly about it and know I wouldn't want to engage with her unless it was to pick up where we left off. I know I wouldn't cope if I saw her get with someone else, my mental health would spiral and i can't afford that, so I can't call myself honestly just a 'good friend' with that going on.
It's still raw, barely over a week. I wish her well and hope whatever she's working through she can sort it but holy shit I think I deserve better than a text dumping, and I know part of me is going to want her regardless.
I've scrubbed her from my social media lists, deleted messages and chats etc. I've left Whatsapp the only way she could contact me if she chose, but I deleted every message, picture, everything, so I don't have to see it anymore.
Everything about this screams mental health crisis for either her or me and I am not messing with that. I'm in a lot of pain so I'm making an effort to not be alone, go see friends and be at work as much as i can, or taking the dog out to new locations for walks to clear my head.
It would be the fourth anniversary of our relationship soon, which is also complicated by the fact we started just a little bit before my mother's cancer got her. This will be the first year since then that I will be alone on that day as well. She was a lifeline to me through that, the lockdowns, my transition and coming out, everything. I'm grateful for that but this years pride month is gonna absolutely suck.

As the title says, I’d like to know the experience/story of when you knew it was the right decision to go back.
For me, I’m a Brit who’s been living in Australia for a year and a half. I’m going home next week.
The first 6 months were perfect, but for the past 12 months I’ve been “holding on” because I love the Australian lifestyle, even though my mental health has completely deteriorated. I finally hit a wall and decided it’s time to go home to recoup.