Author's Note: This story is long. I'm sorry. It really deserves to be told exactly as it happened and therefore, I am forced into murdering brevity. I hope that in time you'll forgive me.
I'm going to tell y'all another stupid story. I should warn you that this one isn't really a comedy, despite being set in a RadioShack.
A few months after Cocaine-Kevin took off for Brazil in pursuit of true love, we got a new transfer employee. We came to call him 'Aikedo-Kevin' (I'm adding the -Kevin because this is a subreddit about Kevins.)
We called him 'Aikedo' because we met him before the final act of the following chain of events took place and afterwards we just didn't have the motivation to attach anything else to him.
When I replay what happened in my head, it astounds me that this took place at all. I mean, we had our fair share of Kevins at RadioShack. There was Cocaine-Kevin, (whom you've previously met.) Crazy-Kevin, 'TP' Kevin, Kevin the Customer, and Kevin the Destroyer. Every one of these people occupy space in my brain for various reasons, but out of all these Kevins, Aikedo-Kevin is the most memorable. And not for the reason you'd most expect.
As if he represented the cosmic opposite to the Kevin he was replacing, this new Kevin came across as competent. He was older and well-kept. He didn't smell at all like sun-dried squirrel and rather than being cartoonishly fat, he was worryingly thin. He looked surprisingly normal for a RadioShack employee; completely trustworthy, certainly like the guy you'd confidently go to to get your Questions Answered.
Looking at him, I would never have believed in a million years that he would be the most profligate serial liar that I've ever had the misfortune to meet.
I know that I should start this tale at the beginning; with the story of how he got his name, but I really don't have the space, so instead we'll just rollercoaster through this cascade of events much like I did originally.
Almost from the moment Kevin showed up, things got real weird, real fast. He lasted for about six months with us, but they were unforgettable. It started with Kevin telling us that he was a 'triple-stripe; dragon-class' black belt in aikedo. Then he told us that he met Kiss back in the 70's and they invited him back to their hotel to party. Then the lies got egregious. He was late because there was a riot at Publix. Someone else ate the food that I had clearly marked and labelled in the back fridge. His dad was in the CIA and helped plan Vietnam with Henry Kissinger. He didn't know why the drawer was short $5.34. He was allergic to fruit. The list was long and got progressively weirder as the weeks went by, but it was generally innocuous; innocent.
But then he fucked up. He told a lie about NASA. Guys, this was a RadioShack. We were all nerds of various stripes, with varying areas of scientific interest and knowledge. There was NO possibility in any universe that one could just traipse into my RadioShack and successfully lie about NASA. Especially this particular lie. There was even less of a possibility that upon hearing such a lie spoken, any of us RadioShack employees would let it go unchallenged.
Ok, now that all the foreshadowing is out of the way, let me get down to the meat. I mean, that's why you're still here, right?
This chain of events spanned three days and it began in the way these things always do; somewhat accidentally.
DAY 1: THE NASA PROVOCATION
It was a normal Florida afternoon for everyone who didn't work at my store. As usual, I came in on second (closing) shift. I was taking over from Kevin, who'd just returned from his vacation. The drawer was missing $5.34. Again? Wtf? He 'fixed' it while I was in the back re-counting it. Okay. $5.34? This is so weird. I have to report this shit.
While waiting for his wife to pick him up, Kevin told me that he and his family had had a blast in Cape Canaveral. That he was able to take his son into the 'anti-gravity chamber' at NASA. He went into great detail about how they 'flew around in the tunnel.'
Now, y'all... I'm not an idiot. I very well know how NASA trains their astronauts in Zero-G. Fuck it, I'll bite.
"Uh, Kevin, they use planes to simulate zero-gravity. What are you talking about?"
He shook his head conspiratorially and said, "No, they have secret pods. There's two. One in Huntsville, Alabama, and one at Cape Canaveral. It's top-secret. I have a friend."
I stood there transfixed as Kevin embellished his experiences at NASA a bit more, making sure I knew how cool it was that his kids got to meet all the astronauts and how big the pod really was (almost as big as the Pentagon) until his wife finally showed up and they left.
I think I took a minute before going back inside. I had to call Frank (our store manager) to report the drawer discrepancy. And if I'm being honest, I also wanted to inform him of NASA's Pentagon-sized secret. We were all getting sick of Kevin's fibs, but nobody had really said anything to him yet and I knew Frank was a huge NASA fan. Repeating to him what Kevin had said was tantamount to lighting off firecrackers at a funeral, and at that age, I just wanted to watch the world burn.
Frank answered on the first ring, as I knew he would if the store was calling him.
"Heeeyyyyy, Frank. So. My drawer was short $5.34 again. Kevin somehow fixed it. He also went to the, uh, secret anti-gravity pod at NASA while he was at Cape Canaveral."
Frank laughed. There was a long pause. Then he snarled.
"What? Your drawer was short?! I'm DONE with this!" Frank hung up. I looked down at the phone. Dang. Frank is a terrible force for truth in the universe. I knew this from painful personal experience.
DAY 2: KEVIN'S LAST LIE
I got a call at 5 am to come in early; that Kevin couldn't open. Whatever. More money for me. I rolled out of bed.
When I got there, Frank was behind the counter pacing and literally purple. I've never seen a human being that color before. He looked like an engorged eggplant preparing for a Kanly duel.
I was putting my stuff away in the back when Frank stomped in behind me. He was hollering about gravity and idiots and I realized immediately that Kevin was in major, major trouble.
A frission tickled its way through my central nervous system. Fear or anticipation? Uncertain. Frank could be terrifying. Alternately, Frank could be compassionate. Frank was a real street-dude; a living tragedy-to-triumph, rags-to-riches kind of guy. He was also a VERY understanding boss. He basically only had three rules: 'Don't fuckin' steal,' 'Don't bring your personal fuckery to the store,' and, most importantly, 'Don't EVER fuckin' LIE to me.'
Those are exact quotes and he lived up to them. I know this. And now you all know this too. Kevin should have known this, but Kevin lived life on the edge.
In the backroom, I squared my shoulders and pretended to be uninterested while watching Frank's face pulse with incandescent rage.
"What's up?" I ventured, trying to hide my curiosity.
Frank exploded like something you shouldn't microwave. His purple face rippled as he tried to roll his eyes and snort simultaneously. He looked for all the world like an indignant water buffalo. Which is funny really. See, big game hunters will tell you that despite looking slow and stupid, the water buffalo is one of the most dangerous animals on Earth. African buffalo will lay traps. They will actually double back to lie in wait to hunt their hunter. And, much like the animal he resembled, Frank too was dangerous and known for his traps.
He smiled at me ferally.
"Kevin called out this morning. Apparently his cousin the St. Petersburg cop got shot last night in a drug raid."
"What does that have to do with NASA?" I said stupidly.
Frank stared at me like I was the only Red Gal in the Blue Man Group.
"I busted Kevin last night for theft." Frank said slowly, with that owlish look he saved for especially thick customers.
Okaaaay "But, what does tha-" I stopped, the light bulb over my head starting to flicker.
"Oh." I said.
Frank was still staring at me, perhaps waiting for my brain to finish its loading sequence. Accurately concluding that I was operating somewhat below dial-up speed, he sighed impatiently and continued.
"My wife called the hospital just now. They don't have anyone by the name of (Kevin's cousin's name) on file there. She called two other hospitals just to be sure."
I just looked at him blankly. "Waaaait. what?!" My mental bulb finally snapped on and flared brightly. Oh shiiit. My brain is furiously connecting dots. Did he lie to get un-caught for thieving? Is that a even a thing? Wtf?
Frank nodded grimly and picked up the phone. He dialed Kevin's number.
Unfortunately for this story, I had a customer walk in right then and therefore didn't hear what was said. Customers can be the most annoying things in the world sometimes. This one probably wasn't, but I don't remember because all I could think about was Kevin's career suicide. It seemed like an eternity passed before I was able to rejoin Frank in his investigation.
In the time I was away, Frank had learned two things: the first thing being that no cops had been shot according to the news, (which Kevin countered by claiming that the news wouldn't report a cop being shot in an on-going investigation,) and the second thing being that no hospital in the tri-county area had admitted anyone matching his cousin's name, (which Kevin dismissed by saying that secrecy was standard operating procedure in a 'Full Blackout' situation and that it's all put in place to protect a wounded cop's identity.
It was a testament to Frank's determination that he was able to do all this so quickly. Especially since this all happened back in the 90's before the sum of human knowledge was only a smartphone click away.
This inanity went on for my entire shift. Frank sending his wife to check out hospitals while he alternately called the local newspapers, TV stations, and Kevin.
Frank was terrifying in his pursuit of truth and I have to admit, it was a thing of beauty to watch him put his case together. Perry Mason be damned; Frank was on an investigative roll. But no matter what he learned, when he called Kevin, Kevin had an answer to it. A detailed answer. He went into specifics about how the bullet (9mm) hit his cousin's vest and richocheted off of a rib. He explained how it was a 'cartel case,' and everything has to be kept hush-hush. It was quite entertaining, if schadenfreude is your thing. It's not mine. I can't really explain how uncomfortable the whole thing made me feel. Like chewing on cotton. There's no way Kevin keeps his job. Kevin has the survival skills of a suicide bomber and the critical thinking skills of a cabbage. It was plain as day that Kevin was a drowning man grasping desperately for an anchor.
Finally, my shift ended and I went home mentally exhausted on Kevin's behalf.
As I left, I could see Frank behind the counter, still on the phone, hyper-focused, and absolutely intent upon some mission objective that I apparently wasn't cleared for. He told me just to be ready to close the next day.
DAY 3: THE GREAT DENOUEMENT
I woke up haunted with the strange certain knowledge that disaster was nigh. Maybe it was the same instinct that allows animals to sense an earthquake before it strikes. I really don't know. I felt both uncomfortable and giddy as I readied myself for work.
When I pulled into the RadioShack, I saw that Frank's Jeep was there. So was Frank's wife's SUV. Kevin's car was nowhere to be seen.
Oh boy... this was not a good sign. I parked and went in. Immediately I could see Frank, his wife, and the employee who had opened huddled furtively together behind the counter. No customers in sight.
Excellent, I thought. Maybe I'll finally get some Answers. This IS a RadioShack, after all, right?
As I counted in my drawer, the preliminary results of Frank's investigation poured out: allegedly Kevin had been taking money from the drawer to get McDonalds for lunch. The amount ($5.34) matched perfectly with the meal Kevin was observed eating each day that he worked. No one knew why he did this. He very obviously brought his lunch in from home every morning.
Frank was a-twitter with anticipatory fury as he spoke. After the conversation he'd had with Frank the previous night, Kevin had slyly switched shifts with another employee to avoid having to open and therefore face Frank. Which, of course, had jacked Frank's temper over from red to plaid. Kevin daring to dodge him like this was simply the last straw, and he had decided he was going to fire Kevin. ...Except, despite trying all morning, he hadn't managed to actually reach Kevin to give him the news.
Frank being Frank, this had in no way deterred him. He had simply looked in Kevin's employee file and called the emergency contact. By the time I walked in, the proverbial shit had hit the fan and was well on its ballistic arc towards us in the form of Kevin's wife.
Yall. It's really important for this story that you have a mental picture of Kevin's wife. Essential, even.
Do y'all remember that 90's song 'All Star' by that band Smashmouth? Remember the lead singer? If you don't, it's okay. Just picture Guy Fieri instead. Now picture Guy Fieri/the Smashmouth dude dressed up as Xena: Warrior Princess. That's what she looked like. She was enormous. Not necessarily fat, but big. I bet she could crush a watermelon with her thighs, easy. (That's really a thing, by the way. You should probably Google it. Fuck it, here ya go )
Anyway, 'Xena' was surprised to hear that Kevin wasn't at work. She was even more stunned by what Frank had to say.
At roughly the same time this phone conversation was taking place at the RadioShack, another, weirder conversation was taking place in person across town. Out of exasperation, and to out-manuever Kevin completely, Frank had finally just sent his wife down to the police station...
...which went something like this: she walked in, and asked if any cops had been shot recently. I imagine there was a pregnant pause at the reception desk while it was hurriedly determined whether or not she was a threat or a crazy person. She asked again and was told that no, no one had been shot recently. She then asked to speak with Officer (Kevin's Cousin's Name) and lo and behold! he happened to be walking by at that exact moment, un-wounded, ambulatory, and utterly confused as to why anybody thought he'd been shot in the first place.
Perched behind the counter in the RadioShack, listening to Frank and his wife list the steps they had taken and the results of taking said steps, I actually felt kind of bad for Kevin. I mean, why would he do this?
Why would anyone make up such a ridiculous lie? What did he have to gain? And most mysteriously, why was he stealing to buy lunch when he brought his own lunch in? The whole thing was steeped in bizarre absurdity and I was beginning to lose perspective of the situation when the door-chime dinged and Kevin walked contritely into the store, followed by his strapping virago of a wife.
Y'all. Holy shit. I don't think that I will be able to properly describe what followed but I will do my best.
When I was a kid, there was a cartoon I saw once. Maybe it was part of a Disney movie, maybe a Bugs Bunny short, I don't really remember. But in it, a ginormous nanny-type woman drags a teensy man into a room by his ear to force him to apologize for something.
That's almost exactly what happened. Xena frog-marched Kevin into the RadioShack and made him apologize for stealing. She literally made him hand over an envelope with $600 in it. (The amount Frank calculated Kevin had stolen over six months.) And then she berated him for breaking the diet she had set for him.
I'm going to say that again. He broke the diet she had set for him. This ... veritable Amazon of a woman had set a caloric limit for this dude who was already so skinny that he could likely crawl through the holes in a chain-link fence. All of a sudden, it all made sense. All of it. Kevin was emasculated, hence the lies. Kevin was desperate and fucking starving, so he stole to feed himself. I was wrestling with my new-found understanding of all things Kevin when she told us the envelope was all of his 'allowance' money. At this point, I was entirely speechless. I could only gape witlessly at her.
Stealing a glance back at Frank, I could tell he was going through the very same emotional turmoil as I was.
In the uncomfortable silence, Kevin handed over his keys and mumbled something about it being great working with us and then they left.
With the possible exception of the first time I saw the cemetary scene in Steel Magnolias, I have never gone from one emotional extreme to the other so quickly. Where I had been affronted by his actions only minutes earlier, now I felt unimaginable regret and I could tell Frank felt the same way. Frank had held back from revealing that he'd had his wife visit the police station and he never even brought it up. He looked deflated; all the energy and momentum of the chase gone, replaced by utter shock and remorse.
Y'all, I bet you thought this story was going to have a happy ending. Or at least a funny one. I'm sorry to disappoint you. No happy ending here, just a cloudy moral lesson.
Kevin was fired and we never saw him again, though I insisted that Frank's wife go back down to the police station and tell Kevin's cousin everything we'd seen and heard. I felt that I owed him that much, being responsible for the initial phone call that had set everything in motion.
Yes, Frank and I learned much and more that day. That experience changed something in me. I'd like to think I'm a better person now.
Oh, I still laugh at Kevins, but I don't assume anything anymore. Oh, no. I've learned that everyone has a truth to tell, even if it comes swaddled in lies.

Some spoilers ahead for various recent lightsaber showings, mostly out of context.
Lightsabers aren't supposed to bounce.
Sometimes they hit and kill like a knife through butter.
Other times they take many hits to kill, more like an ordinary sword.
And of course, why are we giving deadly weapons to kids?
Welcome to a thought that's been bouncing around in my brain for a few weeks. The idea that, like the Force, the Lightsaber is a weapon that works in different ways both for different wielders, different circumstances, and different training.
We know especially now in canon that lightsaber crystals are somewhat attuned to their wearer, enough so that they must be bled to work properly for those turned to the dark side, and that they can be reclaimed into white crystals after that.
What does that mean?
Kyber crystals have feelings, emotions, bonds with their owner - and more importantly, that attachment to a lightsaber on a force level is crucial to its function. We see inconsistent damage by Jedi's blades, some cutting effortlessly through their foes and objects without concern, others struggling to wound people, causing light burns and cuts in the course of a fight and requiring several hits to do the job.
Sometimes it burns wounds to cautery, other times sloppily bisects an arm and sprays blood over a cantina floor. This can happen sometimes within the same movie or game, like in JFO when Dagan's arm is cut off, while the rest of the game features numerous hits to kill enemies. Some games, like the Jedi Outcast series, dismember on kill and auto-parry, treating the blade as absolute when poked into objects even without an animation.
We know lightsabers are inconsistent between appearances - but what if that's the point? Sometimes it bounces off of basic vibroswords, sometimes it slices through ship plating or cuts entire tie fighters to ribbons.
My thought is that this has something to do with the attunement to a force user that also goes with bleeding. Lightsabers have a mind of their own, connected with the living force. At absolute intent and alignment with a lightsaber, you can hold the blade in your hand if you so choose - though it's not advisable. Likewise, at absolute carelessness and disagreement, a Lightsaber can't even manage to fend off ordinary swords.
Do or do not, there is no try. That's what Yoda, the greatest swordsman in the Jedi Order, says. Because that's how you fight best with a lightsaber. Parrying, reflecting blaster bolts, striking and slashing, if you don't believe in the power of the weapon in your hand, you can't achieve effects with it.
When Obi-Wan's blade bounces in Kenobi, we can treat that as a production oversight - or treat it as Kenobi's relative detachment from a weapon he hasn't used in years, left to rot in the sands of Tatooine. Likewise, when his blade slices clean through Maul's and kills him in the desert, he's at his peak of power, an old Samurai with absolute intention. In the hands of a master like Qui-Gon Jinn, it can cut through multiple layers of blast doors, but can't hope to do so in the hands of a non-user, sloppily whirring about like Paz Visla, who finds the relatively powerful Darksaber catching on random objects.
And of course, when it comes to family, you rarely want to kill eachother or have pure dark or light intent. Luke and Vader are bouncing those blades all over the place, but that's the most intense
What can we conclude from this variety of showings with lightsabers? Is Disney/Lucas inconsistent with how they're supposed operate, or are they as attuned to the force as their users, and as inconsistent?
Hard to say, but I'm increasingly of the opinion that how well attuned you are to a lightsaber and focused you are as a wielder lets you achieve things with the blade that are incredible, and if you're neither of those things you'll struggle to make your magic laser sword be as magical as it can be. Hopefully ya'll find this helpful to think about.

Hello there! I'm currently trading, buying and selling all sorts of CS:GO skins and inventories via crypto and at all kinds of price ranges. Feel free to DM me or send me an offer with your proposition.

The best way to reach me is by sending me a trade offer via the link below!

Everything that is in my inventory is always up for trade!

If you're looking to sell your skins, I'll be glad to purchase them.

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Open to any kind of item offers // Feel free to send me trade offers via my trade link below!

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Buyouts are negotiable, nothing is set in stone as prices fluctuate. Willing to consider other skins as well as the ones listed for the buyout.

Knives	Float & Notes	B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below)
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.012 & Black Pearl	2x ★ Butterfly Knife
★ Flip Knife Doppler (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.075 & Ruby	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.27	3x ★ Karambit Slaughter (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.034 & 94% Faded	4x ★ M9 Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.039 & 84% Faded	4x ★ M9 Bayonet
★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & 82% Faded	4x ★ M9 Bayonet
★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.020	4x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.032	4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.033	4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.033 & Phase 2	5x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Skeleton Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.037 & 92% Faded	4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.025 & 96% Faded	4x ★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & Sapphire	3x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)
★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.006 & Sapphire	3x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)
★ StatTrak™ Karambit Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.014	4x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife	Float: 0.365	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.445	3x ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.035	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.035	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.026	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.049	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.027	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.042	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.060	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.033	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.047 & Phase 4	4x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & Phase 2	3x ★ Butterfly Knife Night (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & Phase 1	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.034 & Phase 3	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.035 & Phase 3	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.042 & Phase 3	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.028 & Phase 3	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.356	3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.336	3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.297	3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ StatTrak™ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.340	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.086	3x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.127	3x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.322	3x ★ Karambit Stained (Well-Worn)
★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.020 & Phase 1 & Clean corner	3x ★ Talon Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.008	3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New)
★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.022	3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New)
★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.032	3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New)
★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.033	3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New)
★ Nomad Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & 90% Faded	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.013 & Phase 2	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Minimal Wear)
★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.009 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.014 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.058 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Karambit Lore (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.27	★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ StatTrak™ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.010 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ StatTrak™ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.011 & Phase 2	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Skeleton Knife	Float: 0.262	3x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested)
★ Skeleton Knife	Float: 0.506	3x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested)
★ M9 Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.305	3x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Field-Tested)
★ StatTrak™ Talon Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.011	3x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Night (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.146	3x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Field-Tested)
★ M9 Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.019 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Slaughter (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.138	3x ★ Survival Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.124	3x ★ Survival Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Factory New)	Float: 0.043	2x ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Factory New)	Float: 0.049	2x ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.221	2x ★ Karambit Stained (Well-Worn)
★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.019 & Phase 1	2x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Well-Worn)
★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.429	2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Minimal Wear)
★ StatTrak™ Karambit	Float: 0.162	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Night Stripe (Minimal Wear)
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.056 & Phase 4	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Night Stripe (Minimal Wear)
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.035 & Phase 2	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & Phase 3	2x ★ Paracord Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear)
★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.013 & Emerald	★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Well-Worn)
★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.026 & Sapphire	★ Talon Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.404	2x ★ Paracord Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.007 & Phase 4	2x ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)
★ StatTrak™ Talon Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.021	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Crimson Web (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.166	2x ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)
★ Karambit Autotronic (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.707	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Well-Worn)
★ Classic Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.002	2x ★ Driver Gloves Black Tie (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.575	2x ★ Classic Knife
★ Skeleton Knife Case Hardened (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.268	2x ★ Talon Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.400	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.028 & Phase 2	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.033 & Phase 1	2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.034 & Phase 1	2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.006 & Phase 3	2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.013 & Phase 3	2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Stained (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.440	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear)
★ Talon Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.086	2x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Bright Water (Factory New)	Float: 0.047	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Slaughter (Factory New)	Float: 0.034	2x ★ Huntsman Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.008	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Huntsman Knife Lore (Factory New)	Float: 0.057	★ Butterfly Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.022	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.027	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.028	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.033	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.035	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.041	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet	Float: 0.319	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear)
★ Bayonet	Float: 0.694	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.241	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.149	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Butterfly Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.187	2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.142	2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.508	2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)

...AND MANY MORE KNIVES IN MY INVENTORY

Gloves	Float & Notes	B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below)
★ Sport Gloves Pandora's Box (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.36	3x ★ Skeleton Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Superconductor (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.35	3x ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Hedge Maze (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.35	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Vice (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.37	2x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Spearmint (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.30	3x ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Moto Gloves Spearmint (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.35	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.131	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Hand Wraps Cobalt Skulls (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.084	3x ★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Hedge Maze (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.412	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Vice (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.777	2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Vice (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.750	2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.35	2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.37	2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Slingshot (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.36	2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.33	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.36	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)
★ Hand Wraps Slaughter (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.136	2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Field Agent (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.354	2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.283	2x ★ Bayonet Case Hardened (Well-Worn)
★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.140	★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)
★ Sport Gloves Nocts (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.374	★ Skeleton Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Emerald Web (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.391	★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.316	★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)
★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.288	★ M9 Bayonet Case Hardened (Minimal Wear)
★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.153	★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Well-Worn)
★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.377	★ M9 Bayonet Bright Water (Minimal Wear)
★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.374	★ M9 Bayonet Bright Water (Minimal Wear)
★ Sport Gloves Omega (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.768	★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested)
★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.129	★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Nocts (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.384	★ Karambit Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear)
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.370	★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.366	★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Finish Line (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.281	★ Karambit Boreal Forest (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.387	★ Talon Knife
★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.259	★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.281	★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.326	★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.360	★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.416	★ Talon Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Slingshot (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.704	★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.416	★ Bayonet Autotronic (Battle-Scarred)
★ Moto Gloves Smoke Out (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.355	★ Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)

...AND MANY MORE GLOVES IN MY INVENTORY

Weapon Skins	Float & Notes	B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below)
AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn)	0.39 Float & Pattern #321 Blue Gem	8x ★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
AWP Desert Hydra (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.14	4x ★ Karambit Freehand (Factory New)
AWP Medusa (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.20 & Skadoodle (Gold)	4x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
AWP Medusa (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.42 & Crown (Foil)	4x ★ Butterfly Knife Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)
AK-47 Hydroponic (Factory New)	Float: 0.054	3x ★ Driver Gloves King Snake (Field-Tested)
AK-47 Hydroponic (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.141	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)
MP9 Wild Lily (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.088	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.250	2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.280	2x ★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.365	★ Karambit
M4A1-S Hot Rod (Factory New)	Float: 0.014	★ Bayonet Marble Fade (Factory New)
M4A1-S Hot Rod (Factory New)	Float: 0.025	★ Karambit Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
Desert Eagle Blaze (Factory New)	Float: 0.032	★ Skeleton Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
AK-47 Vulcan (Factory New)	Float: 0.061	★ Butterfly Knife Night (Well-Worn)
AWP Lightning Strike (Factory New)	Float: 0.034	★ Karambit Bright Water (Minimal Wear)
AWP Lightning Strike (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.074	★ Karambit Bright Water (Minimal Wear)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.515 & IBP 2014 COL HOLO	★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.727	★ Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested)
AUG Akihabara Accept (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.431	★ Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested)
AWP Oni Taiji (Factory New)	Float: 0.048	★ Talon Knife
AK-47 Panthera onca (Factory New)	Float: 0.063	★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)

I Prefer to receive trade offers, but you can also add me to discuss a trade.
https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffenew/?partner=155361426

Hello there! I'm currently trading, buying and selling all sorts of CS:GO skins and inventories via crypto and at all kinds of price ranges. Feel free to DM me or send me an offer with your proposition.

The best way to reach me is by sending me a trade offer via the link below!

Everything that is in my inventory is always up for trade!

If you're looking to sell your skins, I'll be glad to purchase them.

Steam Profile

Inventory Link

Open to any kind of item offers // Feel free to send me trade offers via my trade link below!

Trade Link

Buyouts are negotiable, nothing is set in stone as prices fluctuate. Willing to consider other skins as well as the ones listed for the buyout.

Knives	Float & Notes	B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below)
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.012 & Black Pearl	2x ★ Butterfly Knife
★ Flip Knife Doppler (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.075 & Ruby	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.27	3x ★ Karambit Slaughter (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.034 & 94% Faded	4x ★ M9 Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.039 & 84% Faded	4x ★ M9 Bayonet
★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & 82% Faded	4x ★ M9 Bayonet
★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.020	4x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.032	4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.033	4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.033 & Phase 2	5x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Skeleton Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.037 & 92% Faded	4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.025 & 96% Faded	4x ★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & Sapphire	3x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)
★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.006 & Sapphire	3x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)
★ StatTrak™ Karambit Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.014	4x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife	Float: 0.365	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.445	3x ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.035	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.035	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.026	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.049	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.027	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.042	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.060	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.033	3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.047 & Phase 4	4x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & Phase 2	3x ★ Butterfly Knife Night (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & Phase 1	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.034 & Phase 3	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.035 & Phase 3	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.042 & Phase 3	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.028 & Phase 3	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.356	3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.336	3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.297	3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ StatTrak™ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.340	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.086	3x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.127	3x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.322	3x ★ Karambit Stained (Well-Worn)
★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.020 & Phase 1 & Clean corner	3x ★ Talon Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.008	3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New)
★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.022	3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New)
★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.032	3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New)
★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.033	3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New)
★ Nomad Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & 90% Faded	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.013 & Phase 2	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Minimal Wear)
★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.009 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.014 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.058 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Karambit Lore (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.27	★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ StatTrak™ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.010 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ StatTrak™ Karambit Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.011 & Phase 2	3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Skeleton Knife	Float: 0.262	3x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested)
★ Skeleton Knife	Float: 0.506	3x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested)
★ M9 Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.305	3x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Field-Tested)
★ StatTrak™ Talon Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.011	3x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Night (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.146	3x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Field-Tested)
★ M9 Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.019 & Phase 1	3x ★ Flip Knife Slaughter (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.138	3x ★ Survival Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.124	3x ★ Survival Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Factory New)	Float: 0.043	2x ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Factory New)	Float: 0.049	2x ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.221	2x ★ Karambit Stained (Well-Worn)
★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.019 & Phase 1	2x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Well-Worn)
★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.429	2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Minimal Wear)
★ StatTrak™ Karambit	Float: 0.162	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Night Stripe (Minimal Wear)
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.056 & Phase 4	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Night Stripe (Minimal Wear)
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.035 & Phase 2	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.032 & Phase 3	2x ★ Paracord Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear)
★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.013 & Emerald	★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Well-Worn)
★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.026 & Sapphire	★ Talon Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)
★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.404	2x ★ Paracord Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.007 & Phase 4	2x ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)
★ StatTrak™ Talon Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.021	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Crimson Web (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.166	2x ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)
★ Karambit Autotronic (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.707	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Well-Worn)
★ Classic Knife Fade (Factory New)	Float: 0.002	2x ★ Driver Gloves Black Tie (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.575	2x ★ Classic Knife
★ Skeleton Knife Case Hardened (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.268	2x ★ Talon Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.400	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.028 & Phase 2	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.033 & Phase 1	2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.034 & Phase 1	2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.006 & Phase 3	2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)	Float: 0.013 & Phase 3	2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Butterfly Knife Stained (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.440	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear)
★ Talon Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.086	2x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested)
★ Karambit Bright Water (Factory New)	Float: 0.047	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Slaughter (Factory New)	Float: 0.034	2x ★ Huntsman Knife Slaughter (Factory New)
★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.008	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Huntsman Knife Lore (Factory New)	Float: 0.057	★ Butterfly Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.022	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.027	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.028	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.033	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.035	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New)	Float: 0.041	2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Bayonet	Float: 0.319	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear)
★ Bayonet	Float: 0.694	2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear)
★ Butterfly Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.241	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.149	2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Butterfly Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.187	2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.142	2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.508	2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)

...AND MANY MORE KNIVES IN MY INVENTORY

Gloves	Float & Notes	B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below)
★ Sport Gloves Pandora's Box (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.36	3x ★ Skeleton Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Superconductor (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.35	3x ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Hedge Maze (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.35	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Vice (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.37	2x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Spearmint (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.30	3x ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Well-Worn)
★ Moto Gloves Spearmint (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.35	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.131	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear)
★ Hand Wraps Cobalt Skulls (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.084	3x ★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Hedge Maze (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.412	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Vice (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.777	2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Vice (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.750	2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.35	2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.37	2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Slingshot (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.36	2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.33	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.36	2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)
★ Hand Wraps Slaughter (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.136	2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Field Agent (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.354	2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.283	2x ★ Bayonet Case Hardened (Well-Worn)
★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.140	★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)
★ Sport Gloves Nocts (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.374	★ Skeleton Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Emerald Web (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.391	★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested)
★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.316	★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)
★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.288	★ M9 Bayonet Case Hardened (Minimal Wear)
★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.153	★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Well-Worn)
★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.377	★ M9 Bayonet Bright Water (Minimal Wear)
★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.374	★ M9 Bayonet Bright Water (Minimal Wear)
★ Sport Gloves Omega (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.768	★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested)
★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.129	★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Nocts (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.384	★ Karambit Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear)
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.370	★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.366	★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Finish Line (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.281	★ Karambit Boreal Forest (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.387	★ Talon Knife
★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.259	★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.281	★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.326	★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.360	★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested)
★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.416	★ Talon Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn)
★ Sport Gloves Slingshot (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.704	★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested)
★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.416	★ Bayonet Autotronic (Battle-Scarred)
★ Moto Gloves Smoke Out (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.355	★ Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)

...AND MANY MORE GLOVES IN MY INVENTORY

Weapon Skins	Float & Notes	B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below)
AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn)	0.39 Float & Pattern #321 Blue Gem	8x ★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
AWP Desert Hydra (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.14	4x ★ Karambit Freehand (Factory New)
AWP Medusa (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.20 & Skadoodle (Gold)	4x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
AWP Medusa (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.42 & Crown (Foil)	4x ★ Butterfly Knife Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred)
AK-47 Hydroponic (Factory New)	Float: 0.054	3x ★ Driver Gloves King Snake (Field-Tested)
AK-47 Hydroponic (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.141	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)
MP9 Wild Lily (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.088	3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.250	2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.280	2x ★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested)	Float: 0.365	★ Karambit
M4A1-S Hot Rod (Factory New)	Float: 0.014	★ Bayonet Marble Fade (Factory New)
M4A1-S Hot Rod (Factory New)	Float: 0.025	★ Karambit Black Laminate (Minimal Wear)
Desert Eagle Blaze (Factory New)	Float: 0.032	★ Skeleton Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear)
AK-47 Vulcan (Factory New)	Float: 0.061	★ Butterfly Knife Night (Well-Worn)
AWP Lightning Strike (Factory New)	Float: 0.034	★ Karambit Bright Water (Minimal Wear)
AWP Lightning Strike (Minimal Wear)	Float: 0.074	★ Karambit Bright Water (Minimal Wear)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.515 & IBP 2014 COL HOLO	★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New)
AK-47 Fire Serpent (Battle-Scarred)	Float: 0.727	★ Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested)
AUG Akihabara Accept (Well-Worn)	Float: 0.431	★ Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested)
AWP Oni Taiji (Factory New)	Float: 0.048	★ Talon Knife
AK-47 Panthera onca (Factory New)	Float: 0.063	★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade (Factory New)

I Prefer to receive trade offers, but you can also add me to discuss a trade.
https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffenew/?partner=155361426

This game is honestly so bad now. Every single match has 1+ try hard smurf/s in it and it's painfully obvious to spot them; and even more painful that OW does NOTHING about it. Absolute insanity that I report people on the daily that are VERY clearly smurfing, have 2/3 times the stats of everyone else in the match, and I haven't received 1 message saying action has been taken. I also report people who use racist and / or homophobic language, or any other aggressive language, ALMOST on a daily basis as well, and ZERO action gets taken. This is one of the best games I've ever played, but the fact that Dev's absolutely suck at keeping this game remotely fair or civil, and discontinuing work on the PvE just shows blizzard gives 0 f**s about this game or the people that play it. Also, as my name states, lucioball should be available 24/7 in arcade at minimum, and should have comp as well considering how popular it is. I'd honestly pay money just for lucioball if that was a thing... Blizzard, you are pathetic AF. Grow some balls and ban people who are very clearly smurfing and those that are ruining the community with racist, homophobic, and aggressive communication. It occurs in 50%+ of your matches and I think I speak for most of us when I say we are fu*ing over it.

Give me your best balancing hot takes. None of that "less items should have pen, mitigation cap bad, tanks feel bad, nerf aura items", that shit's cold, it's boring, no one cares. Only hot takes here.
I have 3 for your consideration:

• Pendulum of Ages should have 10% CDR instead of 20%
• Prophetic Cloak should only have the aura or the mitigation, but not both
• Breastplate of Regrowth should be nerfed until it is not balanced, but weak

Explanations below

Pendulum of Ages should have 10% CDR instead of 20%

Currently, Pendulum is the most popular mage starter item by far, for a few reasons. First, Sands of Time is a very good starter, so people will naturally upgrade into Pendulum, since Alternate Timeline is very niche. Secondly, it gives 190 power, which is a ridiculous amount, only matched by something like a Book of Thoth or Rod of Tahuti passive. Thirdly, it gives 20% CDR, which makes reaching the CDR cap trivial. With Spear of Deso being so meta, all other items that give CDR (Soul Gem, Myrddin, Pythags, Chronos Pendant) become significantly worse. I think Pendant having 20% CDR contributes a lot towards mage builds being so boring. If you want CDR, you should have to work for it. Either build 3 items that give 10%, or build Chronos Pendant because you really want that CDR. And if you don't want or need CDR, you shouldn't reach the cap, compared to now where you can reach it by accident.

Prophetic Cloak should only have the aura or the mitigation, but not both

Let's compare Evolved Prophetic to Sovereignty and Heartward combined:

• 70 phys prots vs 55 phys prots, 70 mag prots vs 75 mag prots
• 150 hp vs 500 hp
• 30 of each prots (aura) vs 15 phys and 20 mag (aura)
• 10% CDR and 15% mitigation vs 25 HP5 (aura) and 30 MP5 (aura)
• must stack for like 10 minutes vs instantly gaining benefits
• 2350 gold vs 4200 gold
• 1 item slot vs 2 item slots
• no glyphs vs glyph that gives you infinite magic prots or some weird silence on autos effect

The fact that 1 item is comparable and even somewhat close to 2 items is ridiculous. Prophetic is incredibly bloated and should never be allowed to give this many stats. I understand that we are very far from a tank meta so this item probably shouldn't be nerfed, but this is just not healthy for the game. Prophetic should not be bought on every support ever, it should only be bought on supports who are able to quickly stack it and work well with it. It should not be the best personal defense item and the best aura item at the same time, a support's viability should not be defined by their ability to stack this item. It's just too good, and as soon as we get the game back into a reasonable state with penetration vs protections, it should be nerfed.

Breastplate of Regrowth should be nerfed until it is not balanced, but weak

The main problem is that movement speed items are not fun to play against. By now everyone has probably played against a Hercules with regrowth who just runs at your backline, dodges everything because he's so fast, he runs past your carry, then pushes them towards his team because the carry can't outrun him. This is fundamentally unfun to play against, primarily because it's just difficult to deal with. You need a coordinated effort to pour cc onto them so they can't move and will either be blown up or taken out of the fight, because if you don't, they just run you down.
How do you normally balanced movement speed? Well, you just make the stats really, really bad. But even when the item is "balanced", it still isn't fun to play against.
Historically, Hirez has struggled with this. Bumba's Mask used to give 35% movement in exchange for dealing 15% less damage and taking 15% more. By the time it was removed, it was basically never bought, because the downsides were so severe, but even when it was "balanced", it still made the game miserable for anyone playing against it because whoever bought it got 35% movement speed. Hastened Fatalis was bad on 95% of gods up until when it was buffed in Season 4, where it was then nerfed and eventually removed. Even after being "balanced", Hirez decided that the haste effect doesn't belong on hunters and removed it, along with the haste on Sol 3, Chronos 2, and others I'm probably forgetting. It wasn't that Fatalis specifically was OP at the time or that Sol or Chronos were OP, it just wasn't healthy for the game. There's even the unrelated strategy of invading at level 1 which Hirez has made incredibly bad with the invader's curse. It may have been "balanced", or bad, but Hirez decided (correctly) that it was so incredibly unfun to play against that it should never be even remotely viable. There are even gods like old Loki who were kept being very weak because he was so unfun to play against.
There are also modern examples of slowing items, aka Frostbound and Gem of Iso. If those items were bought with any sort of frequency, people would quit en masse. No one enjoys not being able to move, no one enjoys being run down by an Osiris while permanently slowed for 20 seconds until you die, no one enjoys being slowed by 50% for 5 seconds from a single Zhong Kui card. These items have to be bad because they are unfun to play against, so if they were seen as any more than a super niche meme item, people would riot. Although right now they are just awful, so maybe a tiny buff would be fine.
I give these examples to show that balanced =/= fun, and sometime certain items should be kept as weak so that the unfun-ness doesn't ruin the game. I believe that Breastplate of Regrowth should be nerfed to the same level as old Shield of Regrowth (mostly a meme item), because it should be kept as a bad item, similar to Frostbound/Gem of Iso, Mystical Mail, Bauble, and all the other unfun/unhealthy items.

Idk if this has been done before but here goes
So we already know that metavision is a broken ability, something that allows Isagi (at times) to surpass the plays and intellect of Kaiser, someone who had metavision before him. And in the latest chapter, Kaiser has shown us just how far metavision can take him, outplaying not 1, not 2 but 3 META VISION PLAYERS, of which one is the best U20 Japan Defender, aswell Aryu and Sendou. He had 4 DEFENDERS on him, and in the instant Lorenzo stopped marking him he formulated a play that out-metavisioned EVERYONE on the field in an instant
So we have metavision, the key to worldclass like Noel Noa himself says, one that makes Isagi recognised by both Lorenzo and Kaiser, and Isagi's insane football IQ. Now comes the main problem that will stay with Isagi for the rest of the series, his physical stats. No matter how next level Isagi becomes, he's got the body or the average person at best, everyone else is a lot more physically gifted than he is. It has improved as of the Ubers match aswell as his dribbling, but he's got no technique, complex skills or movement, and again, he's an average joe physically
But there's one thing in my mind that always bothered me with meta vision...was this supposed to be new to Isagi? Couldn't he already read the field before to forsee its future? And thats when it hit me
Metavision is a combination of using your full vision including peripheral to scan the field, and recording that data and constantly processing it at ahigh level to predict the fields outcome. At least, thats how its explained. But theres something interesting about it, in the sense that it DOESN'T actually allow you to predict outcomes. We've seen this with Nagi/Barou, as long as someones got something new a metavision holder hasn't seen/a high level play, their meta vision is a lot less effective. No, it allows you to know and predict all players positions. Ok then, how does this take Isagi to the next level??
Remember when I was like 'Isagi could already do this?'. To an extent he could, with his ORIGIONAL weapon, Spatial Awareness. He can basically see the entire field without looking, allowing him to essentially act as a god watching over the field as stated in the manga by Ego....you may see where I'm getting at here.
What happens if you combine metavision, a skill that allows you high level processing of the field which allows you to predict its outcome, with Spatial Awarness, something that allows Isagi basically 360 degree vision of the field at all times? 100% metavision at all times, with Isagi only needing to look at the immeadiate danger point in the future. If Isagi doesn't have to turn his head to use metavision, no one knows he can see them
It lessens the physical strain on his body as instead of having to pay extremely close attention to his surroundings all the time, he can 'see' them almost by instinct. Spatial Awareness can't be turned on and off, and it means Isagi spends less energy on all his senses being at 100%. Why does this put him at next level though? Kaisers metavision is still better aswell as his states. Simple. Everyone knows Isagi is a threat when left to his own devices, so the look at him. Problem is, they can only look on place at a time. Isagi? He knows EVERYONE is a threat to him, and he can see ALL of them without even looking WHILE using metavision. It can make it so players, friend and foe alike, never know whether to pay attention or ignore Isagi, but he already know whos going where, and they can never tell until he moves. Thanks to Hiori, he's learning to move on instinct, making it even HARDER to stop him and his plays
Along with his IQ and vision developing, if this were to happen to Isagi's vision, I believe he'd find the road straight to the top.
Soooo am I glazing or am I cooking, lmk your own theories too. Peace

I am planning on building a weapon for each 5* character I have, for each set of Hell weapons. Is anyone going to compile a list of the best soul weapon build for each character? Or should I base it off their best stat?

BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front): Stats and Interests Below the Cut-Line. Rationale and Compatibility Analysis Directly Below.
::::::::
I am seeking monogamy and commitment from one lady and I am willing to show the same. Currently located in Northern Virginia, but will undoubtedly re-locate due to my career within the next 18 months or so.
I think that the only reasons we might not be compatible are preferences for looks, our careers (especially me in the Navy), sexual compatibility, and how we spend our free time. As for other reasons- I pride myself in communication, problem solving, patience, chivalry, authenticity, and being altruistic.
————————
Statistics: 6’2, Soon to be 36 YO, 196 lbs, 34 waist, Pulse 52, BP 118/72, Shoe- 12, xxx-7.25, Credit Score 807. Foster Homes Lived In-28, Schools Attended- 23. 43 countries visited, Deployments (USN)- 5, Kids- 0. Black Hair, Hazel Eyes, Lean-Athletic Muscular build. Sweet smile, great calves, aging grey temples, youthful/positive face. The usually response I get is either “fuck yes” or “fuck no” - I realize I am not everyone’s type. 5k PR: 1557- college. Mile-4:17- high school (RI all-state). Undergrad: USNA. Master’s: GWU, USNWC
Red Flags 2 Marriages, 1 other Engagement. Broken hearts- many. Times broken-hearted- 2. Currently separated. Introverted and Calculated decision maker due to upbringing. Analytical for good and bad reasons. Harry Potter House Ravenclaw Hat-Stall to Slytherin. Left-Handed, 800M SAT Score. Have won over 600k lifetime gambling (A hobby now, used to be a matter of life/death when I was youngehomeless as a teen).
Personality Assessment: Altruistic and Thoughtful people-pleaser. Detail-oriented and sexually charged gentleman. More cooperative and curious than critical. Constantly self-assessing and self-correcting, reflective and strives for improvement. Aims to use own experience to better others in close proximity and to scale. INTJ, love languages physical touch and quality time. Future POTUS, RI GOV, or Government SES, Navy Ship Captain. Vulnerability, Passion, and Compassion are Hallmarks (See Brene Brown/Esther Perel TED Talks).
Interests: Sports fanatic- specifically Boston teams. Board/Card games. Intellectual/Philosophical conversations. Human Behavior, Running, Walking, Pokémon Go, improving my teams around me, including family. Road trips, traveling- especially San Diego, Miami, Vegas, NYC, the beach, kissing, giving massages, finding a partner who wants to deeply connect romantically and physically and discuss and act out our fantasies. Improving our EQ and erotic intelligence together.
Someone will really like this and I hope if you are interested, we could write our success story here. I am an eternal optimist and I realize that you can’t small talk on apps the way I would really like to get to the heart of serious issues. If you are genuinely ambitious yet humble from our beginnings- maybe one of us is the First Spouse to the other, or, the half of a great partnership and earn the title of best parent, or co-chefs in our house together. Coach of the kids’s sports team is cool, too.
I have almost all the pieces I have to make life great and for me it is- just hoping to find that force multiplier where we can enhance our lives and take each other to a place of leadership and bliss that not even we can imagine right now!

Greeting raidsecrets, I figured I'd post my tips & tricks along with the build that I ran that got me my solo flawless. Hoping this helps for those who might be struggling!
Lengthy detailed post ahead about my run and how I did each encounter. This will be focusing on just the Ecthar and final boss encounters. I achieved my solo flawless run on my Arc Hunter with Assassin’s Cowl build. This build will keep you healed up, keep you invisible so you're safe from enemies shooting at you, and takes use of Gathering Storm which makes doing boss dmg easy. 😃
This is my general Assassin's Cowl build and we'll be changing some stuff out for each encounter: https://dim.gg/cssas7y/Arc
General notes:

• I was 1822 power level when doing this. (1810 + 12 bonus power)
• For all 3 encounters, I used double specials with at least ONE One Two Punch (OTP) shotgun in either slot for maximum heavy ammo drops.
• This build's main focus is just trying to keep Combination Blow x3 up as often as possible to maximize ad clear, majominiboss kills, and for survivability (invis and heals).
• For the opening encounter I ran around with Wastelander w/OTP, Coldheart, and an Eager Edge Sword. Feel free to use whatever weapons you prefer here, but def keep at least a OTP shotgun on you.

For Ecthar and the things/mods that would need to be changed from what’s shown on the build in the DIM link:

• I ran around with 2 shotguns, both with OTP, then used Lament as my heavy for boss dps.
• On your chest piece you want one arc resist, one lucent blade (this will help with your sword block regen for Lament’s damage rotation), and concussive dampener (this helps with the boss stomps when in their super mode and any moth explosions that may occur). And on your boots you want 2 Solar Surges for extra Lament damage during boss dps.
• Put as much mobility on as you can while staying at 100 resil, because in the water section down low to activate the symbols, it’s going to help staying away from the boss so they don’t damage you. My build had me at 76 so the boss was never a problem when trying to run away. I would recommend at least 50 mobility here, if you can't get 50 with just using stat mods, feel free to run a Font of Agility for the extra 30 mobility when you have an armor charge.
• To start, build up your combo blow x3 with acolyte powered melee kills. Once you get x3, go around and kill each knight with a OTP shotgun shot, dodge, and melee hit. The jolt from lethal current should kill the knights, then do the same when the ogre spawns. Feel free to kill an acolyte nearby to refresh combo blow x3 and to go invis as you go along. After the ogre is dead head down to the middle to activate the deepsight to see what symbols are needed to be activated in the water section.
• For the water section, what helped me the most and to make sure I knew what symbols I had I would talk out loud to myself what symbols I needed. I would then use/reference this map on a secondary monitor to navigate the water for symbol activation. After you successfully located and marked all 3 symbols, it's time to go back up top into the boss room.
• 3 wizards should have spawned and you must kill each lucent wizard and collect their visages. I like killing one at a time, collecting their visage, then move to the next one, then the 3rd one. Quickest way to kill the wizards are going to be with your OTP shotgun and combo blow x3 with lethal current active.
• My rotation for killing the wizards: Building up combo blow x3, charge melee kill a 4th enemy to go invis (which will then refund my dodge), dodge near the wizard to proc lethal current and to refund my charged melee, shoot wizard with OTP shotgun, melee the wizard, and then finish the wizard. This should "1 shot" the wizard due to the damage of the punch and shotgun plus the jolt from lethal current. After the finisher, then repeat that process on the all 3 wizards, then go dunk. Then deposit your visages at each statue and be sure you are ending on one of the side ones. Keep up your Combo Blow x3 while going to each statue.
• After you’ve deposited your 3rd visage, get another powered melee acolyte kill to go invis and to refund your dodge. Run down the stairs and dodge past/next to Ecthar to get your charged melee back + lethal current. Shoot the knight that spawns with your OTP shotgun, melee the knight and it should die from the jolt explosion if your combo blow x3 is up.
• Once the knight is down and you’re standing in its pool, immediately turn around to face the boss and throw your Gathering Storm super (this should help with getting his shield down quick) switch to lament and then wait for the boss to run to you or run to the boss. Once the boss is on you throw your pulse nade at your feet for extra damage on the boss.
• My rotation I used on the boss for Lament to keep my health up as much as possible and to do get quick but strong dmg was: Block, Rev’d Light Attack, Rev’d Light Attack, Rev’d Heavy Attack, then a normal Light Attack, and another normal Light Attack. Repeat. If you can land this combo consistently it will net you a 4 phase but if not it’s a guaranteed 5 phase. If you start taking too much damage or feel like you might die during this do not feel discouraged to disengage and either kill a nearby acolyte with your charged melee for invis & heal or just dip into the water (I would sometimes have to do this -AFTER- the boss goes immune to save my ass lol).
• This fight took me 5 phases due to the combo not always landing correctly. The reason being is I would just phase thru Ecthar and miss, or it do that laggy thing where he'd teleport like 2 feet behind me but overall it was very consistent on damage.
• Knights are the biggest factor in taking damage here during boss dps. Sometimes they like to artillery strike you from the stairs (worst outcome), sometimes they’ll run at you and you can kill them with Lament when you’re dps’ing the boss (better outcome), or they just won’t bother with you at all until dmg phase is over (best outcome). More often than not they will usually arty strike from the stairs. So be cautious.
• For this entire encounter keep Combination Blow x3 up as much as possible as this will allow you to one shot all acolytes in the arena. Land your shotgun shots for OTP, and make sure to get lethal current up as this will basically “one shot” the lucent wizards, knights, and ogres. And as a reminder these kills will keep you invisible as well as heal you whenever you need it, makes navigating the arena just that much safer.

For the final encounter on the build as well things that would need to be changed from what’s shown on the DIM link:

• So for this encounter I ran Arby, OTP energy shotgun, and an explosive light rocket with tracking for boss damage. If you don’t have a rocket with explosive and track, ascendancy is in the kiosk at the tower where you can claim past seasonal exotics and legendaries. Main thing for this loadout is to again rock double specials and making sure one of them is a OTP shotgun to help with majors and mini bosses (the lucent hive).
• If rockets aren’t your play or don’t feel comfortable, linears (vorpal, frenzy, bait and switch, etc) will be your next best option, followed by a machine gun (vorpal, target lock, killing tally).
• On the chest piece make sure you have 2 arc resists on (for the boss when she shoots at you) and a concussive dampener. There seems to be some talk about moths ignoring resists, but in my runs it seems the concussive dampener actually helps with this. On the boots use the surge to whatever element your heavy is, mine was Arc cause of Hothead.
• When the battle starts head over to Oryx’s right hand, wait for the ads to spawn. Powered melee kill them to get your combo blow x3 going. Keep up combo blow x3 as much as possible to stay invis from the boss as much as you can during this encounter.
• After you’ve gotten combo blow x3, you’ll want to clear out and kill the 3 major knights in the arena. First one should be near you down by Oryx’s right knee, then the 2nd one will be over by Oryx’s left hand (near where you enteplace down the rally flag), then the final one will be up at the top by Oryx’s head. After you’ve killed all 3 knights activate the deepsight (melee kill an acolyte to go invis so the boss doesn’t blast you while you activate it). Map of the arena for reference.
• Locate which limbs you need to activate. It will always be chest/heart + 2 other limbs, and you must always activate one of the other 2 limbs first. For whatever reason doing chest first doesn’t work when I was doing my runs. When activating the limbs, you don’t actually have to kill Vorlog within the circle that glows (I initially thought you had to), just make sure you're standing in the glowing circle when you kill Vorlog.
• Now this is where Assassin’s Cowl comes into play very nicely for this encounter. Every time you complete the “look thru the circle and line up the symbol” at each limb, the boss likes to spawn those nuke moths. If you complete a limb while invis, these moths will -DESPAWN-. This is a massive benefactor to this fight simply cause you do not have to deal with the moths that are shoot at you. Another note: if you complete a limb and then go invis right after with a melee kill, the moths will spawn but they won’t track for you and will instead just track to a hive npc to give them the shield.
• Once you have all 3 limbs activated it's time to grab visages from the lucent hive. My method was always killing the 3 lucent hive in the exact same order every phase (from hardest to kill to easiest to kill for me) so I knew when I was about to start dps phase. My order was Knight 1st > Acolyte 2nd > Wizard last Every. Single. Time. I always found the knight to be the toughest of the 3 due to the double shield throw and melee/slam damage the knight likes to do. I would usually try to shoot him first while clearing out the ads so he would super and I wouldn't have to worry about a potential death from the shield throws.
• When entering in the area to kill the lucent hive I -ALWAYS- said to myself out loud the symbol a bunch of times so I knew where I was dunking it at. Then before finishing the lucent ghost I would look at it one more time and continue to say it out loud as I killed the ghost. Feel free to type it in the chat, but speaking it out loud helped with remembering it much better for me. Also, same as the Ecthar fight I would build up my combo blow x3 to clear out the acolytes, run up to the lucent hive, dodge for jolt, shoot a OTP shotgun shot, then 2 melee hits to kill.
• After killing the lucent hive and was back in the main boss area I made sure to melee kill an acolyte for invis, go activate deepsite while invis, then dunk the symbol while invis as well. You should have plenty of time between, but if not just get another melee kill to refresh invis.
• Once the 3rd symbol is dunked or you're heading to dunk it make sure you're invis. Once dunked pull out arby, hit the boss once to get rid of the shield, and throw your Gathering Storm super at the boss right after.
• Now here’s where it can get tricky cause I wiped a couple times due to this cause I used rockets. When doing heavy weapon dps on the boss, be sure to clear out any ads (especially thralls) at your feet before starting for extra orbs for surge dmg if you need it.
• Now, when going to shoot your rockets (if you’re using them) either jump up on an area where thralls can’t get you easily or jump and shoot around in the arena (I did a mix of both). This helps with not killing yourself by shooting an ad in your face.
• Another thing to note, when going to shoot your rocket (if you’re using one) make sure the boss is actually shooting at you or else she’ll move and dodge the rocket. Her shooting at you allows you actually land your shots cause she won’t be moving around actively trying to dodge your rockets/shots.
• Rinse and repeat these steps and you should be good. This took me 4 times/phases to beat and just over 90 minutes to complete.
• -DONT FORGET TO FINISH THE BOSSES-

Proof 1 Proof 2 Dungeon Report
Let me know if you have any questions about it! Took me about 8 hours of grinding over the course of 2 days this past weekend to get thru this dungeon solo flawless.

Mason peered out of the blood-smeared window at the Heroin Factories that had conquered the horizon. They spewed their vomit from villainous chimneys, the ash-ridden smoke the by-product of the machinations within. The robots inside sowed and reaped the poppies, mankind now incapable of doing it themselves. In time, Mason thought, the robots will fail and with it mankind.
"Where the fuck is it?" Mason's wife, Elaine, called out.
Mason shrugged his shoulders at the ghoul that lay on the piss-stained sofa. On the carpet, he noticed a crimson turd his wife had squatted out, too lazy to add to the pile atop the blocked toilet.
Before all of this she had been beautiful. Dark tangled hair and sunspot freckles. Eyes as green as damp summer leaves. How she used to look when they fucked! The vulnerability they shared.
Before all of this they had both been teachers. Science and English. The combined imagination of opposite disciplines.
Before all of this they had two children. Elena and Walter. They had overdosed months ago. They were now tiny, rotting memorials, still in their bedrooms, five and seven, pink and blue, fairies and football. Mason and Elaine had howled for days before the skag erased the pain.
Before all of this they had lived the best kind of life. An average one. Three bedrooms. A dog. A cat. A garden. Netflix. Meals out.
Then people started being taken. Social media footage captured the abductions.
The Takers were a mixture of time and flesh; a tangle of veins, warped limbs and clockwork organs. They made a sound like that of a haunted ocean.
On the first day they only took five; the second thirty-three. And so on. They took everyone but the rotten fruit. The junkies.
Diacetylmorphine. Heroin.
It made it worse when one victim mysteriously returned. He told of a toxic, torture-wrought world where humanity was being used as slave labour to build something he could barely describe. Many died horribly forcing the Takers to keep on returning. Before he could complete his account, he was abducted once again. He was the first and last to return.
The world tried many things to defeat the Takers but all failed. Deterrence was all that remained. From that decision arose the Heroin Factories. The diacetylmorphine trespassing in the veins of the rejected was to be supplied monthly. It was a death sentence either way.
A few days into the rollout, most people forgot why they were even taking it….
"I can hear Postman Pat at the door," Elaine shouted. "Go and answer it."
Opening the door, a delivery drone hovered, holding out the monthly supply of medication. Mason's hands shook excitedly as he snatched them.
Inside, he injected the poison into Elaine's groin. She squealed and then became sleepy. Mason then shared all the doses with her. It would kill them both, but he had finally understood why everyone was given a month's worth.
It was the happiest way left to die.

WARNING: SPOILERS GALORE IN HERE, IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED ALL THESE GAMES AND DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DO NOT READ!
I've always liked KH, since I first saw Cloud in a KH1 commercial as a kid (I was obsessed with FF7 as a small child), I knew I had to play it.
So I played KH1 religiously in elementary school, heard about CoM but didn't have a gameboy advance so I ignored it, then played KH2, barely understood what was going on, but enjoyed it thoroughly. Continued to ignore the 'spinoffs' because my family was poor and there was no way I could afford all the different portable consoles they were putting these damn games on. Then, finally, bought and played KH3 on release, with my wife.
fast forward to a couple months ago, and after a few debates with my coworkers about the 'quality' of KH3 (I kinda hated it), I decided to sit down and play through the entire series properly, because it was VERY apparent I was missing too much context, and thankfully, 1.5+2.5 final mix, and 2.8 are things that exist now, and are free on PSPlus, so why not? Besides, my wife's ONLY exposure to the series was KH3, so I owed her some context.
Kingdom Hearts 1: What can I say? It's KH1, it's Simple, it's Clean, it's a good fuckin' game when nothing like it really existed at the time. I played on Normal because my wife was watching along, and I didn't want the plot progression to get hung up on me dying to the same boss 25 times. In hindsight, maybe I should've picked a harder difficulty, because I remember spending hours on Maleficent's dragon form as a kid. Hiding out in the bramble where none of her attacks reached me, just chipping away at her HP, but now, I just kinda walked right through her. My biggest complaint with KH1 was against bosses like Ansem's second phase (when you're fighting him 1v1), that KH1's lack of gap-closing options becomes apparent. Bosses like Ansem will frequently blink to the opposite side of the arena, and it takes Sora so long to close the distance, that they've already moved into an attack with i-frames before you can reach them, leading to a lot of missed opportunities for punishes, in my opinion. It didn't help that I accidentally put myself in a sort of 'hard mode' by choosing the Dream Sword, and discarding the Dream Shield, making Sora a glass cannon. But on the flip side, in comparison to later entries the franchise, I really like KH1's more grounded movement, but I'll get more into that later.
I beat the game pretty quickly, so I farmed for Ultima Weapon, as I'd never gotten it as a kid, and then kinda... walked right through Sephiroth, Hooded Figure, Phantom, and Kurt Ziza with little to no effort. Hell, I beat Seph first try, so that was a bit disappointing but I think I did it to myself by grinding out Ultima Weapon first.
Chain of Memories: This was it, my first proper "spinoff" title and I was very excited to get into it, and discover new pieces of the story I missed, and it did NOT disappoint! being properly introduced to the Organization members prior to KH2, finally understanding why Namine is a thing, memories, heart's memories, etc. All to culminate in a proper setup for KH2's opening and to explain why Sora was in a giant flower, etc.
Gameplay however... I knew it was card based because I remember my friend as a kid briefly showing me the game, so that was no surprise, and I honestly did enjoy it enough, the card-based combat was fleshed out enough to give players plenty of room to develop strategies and that's really all I needed from it. What I didn't like, however, was the gameplay loop. It simply got repetitive, and it was obvious that this game was a reskin of a GBA game, hardware limitations included. Every cutscene at the beginning and end of a floor was great, especially towards the end when the climax starts to really ramp up, but getting to those moments was such a slog, so by halfway through the game, I was over it and just wanted the game to end.
Marluxia... omfg. Okay so I played this game on normal, but I guess I screwed up and spent too many levels on max HP, and not enough on deck size, this fight took me for-fucking-ever to beat, I genuinely hated this game by the end, and to top it all off, I misread the endgame prompt and didn't create a "completed save", so I couldn't start Riku's chapter, unless I went back and beat Marluxia again...
358 Days/2: Moving on, even though I own a DS, I'm not buying a copy of this, so I watched the included movie in 1.5+2.5, and honestly, it was great. It added SO MUCH more context to KH2, and it was fun to try and piece together at what moments during KH1 or CoM that certain things were happening in Days. Axel's outright bizarre motives in KH2 finally make sense, Roxas's memories, etc. I will say, though, that Xion confuses me, I really don't understand how Vexen, who constantly talked about his replicas being incomplete, imperfect, etc, was able to make something so powerful, and unique, as Xion. Total outlier of his skills and it never feels properly explained but oh well.
Gameplay's a little light, though.
Kingdom Hearts 2: I was REALLY excited to get back into this one, and it didn't disappoint. With the proper context from CoM and Days, the beginning FINALLY made sense and by the end of Twilight Town, my wife said "Roxas really got done dirty, and I'm mad." To which I agree. Going through this entire game with the intended amount of context was like playing a whole new game, it made a game I already consider to be great, even better. What else can I really say?
When I got control of my character the first thing I remember saying was "jesus christ was the camera always this far away?" I guess I never really noticed it, but with combat being so much more aerial focused, it makes sense. I had never played the Final Mix version of this game, so the Limit Form was a welcome sight, even if it is hilariously broken. Overall, watching Sora's moveset expand as his skills with the Keyblade do, is neat, and reaction commands are a fun mechanic to play with, personally.
However, I did not like how 'floaty' Sora is, and it's a theme that continues through the rest of the series. I died a lot due to getting knocked into the air by a hit, and then just never getting the chance to touch the ground again because Sora takes 10,000 years to float back down to the ground. With no aerial blocking, and air dodging having a longer cooldown then dodge roll, it led to a lot of frustration. Also, special shout-out to "YoU ClEvEr LiTtLe SnEaK!", honestly, fuck Xigbar, I don't know why, but his fight gave me more trouble than any other boss in the entire game. I struggled so much to find an opening to punish him and spent 90% of the fight swinging at the air then getting hit in the back because of how much he blinked around.
I never got around to getting ultima weapon, or beating any secret bosses in KH2, although I did visit Lingering Will and Sephiroth just to see what they were like. I remember I beat Seph as a kid at lvl 65 specifically because of MP Berserk, so maybe I'll go back and try it sometime.
Birth By Sleep: I heard so much about this game as a kid, and even recently, and I knew during my first playthrough of KH3 that Terra, Aqua and Ventus were from BBS, and that they were pretty important characters, but I could've never guessed just how important until I finally played this game. The story for this game was simply great, I started off thinking Terra was the most bland, uninteresting character I'd ever seen (his VO's flat delivery of dialogue didn't help), but by the end, he was my favourite, and honestly, Aqua felt like the third wheel to me, by the end. Like sure, after completing the 4th 5th and 6th episodes, I felt bad for her, as she was clearing going through A LOT, but while Terra and Ventus both had VERY clear stakes in the story, Aqua just felt kind of... there. Her ties to the plot weren't nearly as strong and her story was more relegated to "watching her 2 friends get fucked by destiny and plot". However, Aqua at the end being responsible for Castle Oblivion, along with the clarification on what Org. 13 was looking for in CoM, was such an awesome reveal and my wife and I were losing our collective shit over it.
Oh, and of course, finding out what exactly the Lingering Will was, was pretty damn cool, too!
Fun fact, this is the first game I played on Critical, everything was on Normal until this point. I heard it was one of the easier games to play on Critical, so I figured why not. By the time I finished Terra's arc, I was begging to go back to CoM to fight Marluxia. I cannot express enough just how much I DESPISE this game, in a gameplay sense. Ignoring the obvious things like playing through the same worlds 3 different times and how tiresome that gets, the combat was so blood-boilingly infuriating, I wondered if I was going to actually finish the game. The command system, I hate it. "What? You wanted to cast Cure because you're about to die? Well, too bad, the enemy with 0 warm up frames in his attack just hit you at the same time you pressed X, so your Cure goes on cooldown now, fuck you." That's not even getting into the terrible end-lag in your own attacks, and just how sluggish everything feels. Critical mode aside, this game even on Normal would've pissed me off for all the same reasons, I was so relieved to be done with it.
Re:Coded:>! I was told this one wasn't necessary, and almost skipped it, but decided against it and I'm kinda glad I did. I only watched the movie, but I hear the gameplay itself is pretty solid, so maybe one day I'll check it out. The plot is self-contained, and interesting to watch, and it does get referenced a few times in KH3, so it didn't really feel like a waste.!<
Dream Drop Distance: I was genuinely lost for a while, plotwise, in this game. I felt like I'd missed an entry somewhere that'd apply context, but no, Yen Sid is just not great at explaining things. By about halfway through the game I was caught up and understood what was going on, but the first hour or so I was just along for the ride, hoping I'd understand it later. I enjoyed what DDD was doing, and it felt like, had it been a console release, this could've easily been KH3 with just how much direct impact it has on the plot compared to other entries. Honestly, watching Riku slowly, but surely, get his act together throughout the series has been a treat, and it all comes to a head in this game, he finally moves on from rival/edgebaby to a proper equal to Sora, so much so that if they were to have a gentleman's duel just to test their strength, I couldn't confidently say who would win.
The worlds were hit or miss, seeing Notre Dame was cool, but honestly who the hell asked for Tron: Legacy? I will note that, especially for worlds like Tron, I didn't really feel like I was part of the plot like in KH1 and 2, but more like I was just watching the plot progress from the sidelines. It was jarring.
But the biggest disappointment by FAR was Fantasia. Before I even booted up this game, I was talking about how cool it would be if KH ever visited the world of Fantasia just due to how unique of an experience it would be. I imagined something along the lines of a rhythm game like Crypt of the Necrodancer or Metal Hellsinger, just a neat gimmick tied to that world's music that kept you in line with the beat of the song. So, when I watched the opening to DDD and saw the very clear reference to Fantasia, I got excited, only to be completely let down by it being just another world, except your hits play random instrument noises, and essentially a barebones prototype to Melody of Memory as a reaction command. Honestly, this world was completely wasted on a portable KH entry, it should've been saved for a console entry where it could've been realized more fully, rather than confined to the limitations of a portable console. Oh well, maybe in KH4.
I also played this game on Critical and hooboy did I feel it, but first, the basics. Flowmotion sucks. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Seriously, I get what they were going for, but I honestly hated how disruptive flowmotion ended up being. Air dodge out of the way of something, well, you touched a wall, so now you gotta brace against it and get ready to bounce off. It's not that it was ruining my gameplay or anything, it was just annoying because it'd remind me of its existence at the most inconvenient times, and it was broken, like, hilariously broken. I definitely abused flowmotion to get through some encounters early on, when I didn't have many tools at my disposal yet, and even in the World that Never Was, I managed to use flowmotion to get ontop of, and over a building to get to the other side, which triggered a cutscene I don't think I was supposed to see yet, because suddenly I was talking to Roxas with NO context, so there's a good chance I skipped a scene or two by doing this purely because the game let me, and I wanted to see what was at the top, if anything (I originally thought I was gonna find some way out of bounds or something).
The Dreameaters genuinely don't bother me. I actually kind of enjoyed levelling them up as a means to acquire abilities and passives. The only thing that unironically kept me from grinding their stats more is that irritating fucking song that plays whenever you play minigames with them. I despise it. With all my heart.
The drop-out mechanic was annoying as hell in some instances, especially when, towards the end of the game, I did a TON of farming on Sora for Droplets, to give Riku a ton of bonuses to help with progression, only for the game to immediately FORCE me to drop from Riku, back to Sora, just as soon as I got control of him, causing me to hard reset the game, reload my save, and actively backtrack as Riku to get an actual use out of the bonuses I saved up for him.
The combat was, well, I wasn't enthused to see the Command List back, and I suffered all the same frustrations that BBS gave me, with only MARGINAL improvements in gameplay. The only saving grace was enemies actually had warm-up animations on attacks, giving you a brief head's up instead of just randomly bursting into a combo with no warning.
Anti-Nightmare Sora was the first fight that I genuinely gave up on. even Xigbar in KH2, Terranort in BBS, Terranort again in BBS, Vanitas, all of them I managed to push through. But this fucker? No, I had to walk away for a day, come back, grind my eyes out, and when I FINALLY beat him, the game then beat me over the head with Young Xehanort...
...Then I discovered Balloonra and slept through the rest of game.
Fragmentary Passage: Not much to say other than it's a tech demo for KH3, plot wise, it was interesting to see where Aqua's story lines up with the end of KH1, and where she's at both literally, and mentally, by KH3.
X: Back Cover: Whoever wrote the dialogue for Master of Master's needs a raise and a personal statue outside SE HQ because this guy is hilarious! His deliveries are genuine, quick, witty, and not at all the stilted, oddly paced dialogue I've come to expect from the KH series, and well, everything Square does outside of FF14 and 16. I would not be surprised to find out his dialogue was written in English first, rather than Japanese.
Anyway, I'm really mad I have to either play, or watch someone else play, a gatcha game to get the rest of the context here, because this movie was fascinating, and these characters all seem to be pretty damn important to KH4, so it's a shame.
Kingdom Hearts 3: Back (almost) full circle! Just like with KH2, coming into KH3 was full context was such a breath of fresh air! Everything made more sense, and I had a clear understanding of the character's motives and goals throughout the story. Again, what's there to say, really?
Well... the worlds kinda suck. Olympus being relegated to a tutorial felt like a slap in the face, and overall, the entire world felt bland. It looked like a generic Unreal Engine open world environment, with Hercules pasted in it. Nothing about the open wilderness outside the city really looked like it belonged there, it didn't fit Hercules' art style in the slightest. Compared to, say, Kingdom of Corona, where everything felt more visually on brand, granted, Tangled is a CGI movie, Hercules isn't, I understand that the translation is harder to make but it really didn't look like much effort was taken at all for 2/3rds of Olympus.
Arendelle was "Fall of a mountain simulator" and I was absolutely sick of it. It also epitomized my problems with DDD's worlds in that, when you really think about it, you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in Frozen's plot. You are sidelined the entire time, with Sora and the gang essentially climbing back up a mountain, being told "hey here's what you missed, okay bye!" Before being yeeted back off again, to rinse and repeat ad nauseum until you fight a boss that just doesn't feel earned, which is a damn shame because Skoll is one of the coolest looking fights in the game. There's no participation, the plot simply ignores you the whole time and does it's own thing until you leave.
Pirates and Big Hero 6 felt hilariously short. If you have no intention to explore the open world (there is nothing worth exploring in Sanfransokyo, so this doesn't help) The worlds feel like you're in and out in 20 minutes.
Shoutout to Monsters Inc and Toy Story, you definitely felt like you were a part of the world, and a part of the story happening within it.
The end of this game was phenomenal, seeing everything you've been watching build up, finally come all together, the reunions, the realizations, the callbacks, all of it was such a MASSIVE payoff that was completely lost on me the first time, when the only games I had played were KH1 and KH2, and not since they were new.
So, as with every other game after BBS, I played this one on critical, as I was told it was simply a more rewarding experience, and I honestly agree. Sure, I had a lot of frustrations (Sora's floatiness being paramount) but you can finally BLOCK IN MIDAIR, and BLOCK OR DODGE MID COMBO! If KH2 had these mechanics, it'd be hands down the best game in the whole series, period. I wish they'd thought of it sooner, almost every entry in the series would have benefited from this.
I did spend my fair share of time absolutely raging at the final boss gauntlet, however, and really, my biggest issue was just visual clarity (if you remember Xehanort's meteor attack, then you probably know). But I beat it and was very satisfied with how Xehanort's arc turned out. KH3 is a great game.
Re:Mind: I got this DLC half off, and even still, I'm a little mad I spent money to spend most of my time rewatching the cutscenes I JUST WATCHED from the maingame. The game reached a point where it started truncating the cutscenes to get to the new info quicker and I couldn't help but wonder why the hell they didn't do that to begin with... but ultimately, the DLC was good, a glorified boss gauntlet, sure, but good. Explaining Sora's disappearance was welcome and started setting up context for KH4.
The data fights... as of writing this, I have completed 11/13 of the fights. I'm missing Xion, Xehanort, and of course, Yozora. Only reason I haven't done more is a sudden lack of free time to do so. To reiterate, I'm on Critical, and these fights, while some have absolutely pissed me off to no end (lookin' at you, Vanitas), these fights have solidified KH3 as probably my favourite game in the franchise, purely on gameplay alone, and one of my favourites of all time. The combat FEELS rewarding, (usually) failure doesn't feel like you were cheated by some BS mechanic, but feels like something you know YOU did wrong, and need to correct for the next attempt. I will be going back to do the rest of the fights, as terrifying as they look, because so far, it's been genuinely fun to figure out the puzzles behind these fights and put my skills to the test.
Melody of Memory: Kingdom Hearts rhythm game! Neat!
Well, kinda. It wasn't a very satisfying game to play in comparison to something like Guitar Hero, but it was enjoyable to listen to my favourite KH songs (shout out to The Encounter! Don't care how bullshit the boss is, if it's using that song, I can't even get mad, it's just too much of a bop!) But I did not appreciate yet another rehash of the plot as the main gameplay incentive.
Thankfully that game is pretty damn short, so getting to the end, where the actual meat and potatoes is, in terms of new plot, was pretty painless and overall, worth it. More context for KH4, Kairi deciding to train under Aqua(!), and the somewhat harrowing implications that Xehanort knew about the 'unreality'.
And that's it. I guess I'm done with KH until 4 releases, or that AR mobile game. I've been typing for a very long time now and I'm not sure how to close this out other than... uh, thank for reading, can't wait to hear all about how wrong or right I am about your favourite entries!

I broke up with my boyfriend of a little over two months two days ago. He’s 23 I’m 26. He lives in another country but is planning on maybe moving to my city as he has family here but he had no set date. I’m devastated but the distance and my anxiety was too much for many reasons I think i need my therapist to dissect. But he’s seemingly a good man. Sweet and understanding. However we lead such different lives and our life stages right now can go in any direction. What set me to breakup however was he hasn’t called me in a month. We’ll text a few times throughout the day but that got exhausting as we didn’t talk about anything fruitful or deep to get to know each other or in my eyes very hard to as it was texting only. I’ve been telling him how much I miss him and his voice and he’d reassure whenever he gets his phone fixed. (Microphone got wet). But i asked him to ask one of his friends or anyone for their phone to call me if only for 5 minutes. He said he’d ask someone and a week passes and i ask him again to ask one of his friends or my cousin who’s his best friend. He says he’ll try. I regret being nonchalant about it. I told him call me if you can but if not it’s fine too. But i feel like as his gf he should at minimum just asked someone to call me for 5 minutes. That’s bare minimum effort for a relationship I think. It had been a month since he’s called me but he was able to get ready to go out and drink with his buddies which is fine but i just wanted a phone call :( i dont know if he’s shy to ask or what. Then the next day he posts a handsome posed pic of himself on his social media stories. I’m like you had time to take a handsome pic but not time to call me? Also I don’t wanna be toxic bc i know posting pics of yourself helps self esteem but still. He has tons of random girls on social media so I know of course they’re going to maybe heart his story and idk if he’d be the type to flirt through messages or if it’s just anxiety and self sabotage but the relationship was just making me really stressed out :(((( he’s very sweet and good with supporting my heavier emotions however when I do reveal them. But in some aspects I feel just like i was trying more than him. Or I liked him more or idk. IOr maybe i was going overboard and i should have relaxed but like with anyone I don’t want a pen pal i want a partner

So, being the writing enjoyer, huge lore nerd and general Project Moon brainrotter that I am, I decided to make a bunch of Project Moon OCs. I really like how Limbus Company does their "character profile" set-ups (both dialogue and in-gameplay stat blocks), so I decided I was going to start filling those out for said characters. However, as a certified goon, I realised that a) it's important to me that said statblocks are not incredibly broken or underpowered (say, around, A-tier?) and b) I didn't have the understanding of the game or its mechanics required to avoid that.
As such, I am going to enlist some helpful fellow PM brainrotters (that's you) in order to ensure that I do it in a way that is interesting, in-character, not too strong, and not too weak. That is, if people are sufficiently nerdy to do so.
Just a preface - these are meant to be their own characters. As such, they aren't meant to be Identities which a Sinner would wear, but nor are they "an alternate group of Sinners Vergilius would collect to find the Golden Branches". I just like how the Limbus Company stat profiles and dialogue and EGOs and such work.
Here are summaries of the OCs, for preliminary overview and suggestions. I'll probably end up making a post for each separate character once I have a better idea of how I want to present them but this should give you an idea of whether I have anything interesting cooking or not.
Amy: Hana Director (West Branch, Section 2/3?). A huge stickler for the rules, who does everything "by the book". She absolutely hates corruption, and people not living up to the "expected standards" of their job or role, and personally audits Offices and businesses she comes across, earning her the nickname of "Hana's Inquisitor". She wants to believe in justice, but she lives in the City, so that's no easy feat. Gameplay-wise, I thought that a heavily single-target character which focuses on Rupture would make sense - with the addition of a debuff called Scrutinized which interacts with her skills in various rupture-related ways, and itself causes allies to heal for SP if the target dies to an attack that triggers Rupture. I would do something with the Trigrams, but that doesn't feel "unique" enough, and also I have no clue how those would be implemented in Limbus' style.
Antonio: A young, ruthless capo of the Thumb. Antonio made it quickly up the ranks with his quick tongue, quicker wit, and absolute loyalty to the hierarchy of the Syndicate. He is frequently sarcastic and critical, though he obviously reigns in these tendencies around his superiors. He and his men make much use of concusssive rounds, and his marksmanship is as impressively precise as he is brutally efficient. Gameplay wise, I thought that an ammo-based character would be interesting, with a focus on: blunt damage (he is using concussive/pellet rounds), bleed (he ruthlessly aims for vitals and is quite good at it, he's also a member of the Thumb), and a reload mechanic (we don't have one yet, and he's a member of the Thumb).
August: A member of Nagel Und Hammer's research teams, August frequently impales themselves with numerous (memory-containing) nails in a strange ritual of self-mutilation. Despite this alleged waste of N-Corp's Singularity, and August's concerning personality, the higher-ups overlook this for two reasons: August's innate genius competence, and August's absolutely fanatical work ethic and loyalty to N-Corp. Both as a crusader against the only things August considers "filthier" than themselves, and as a researcher on N-Corp's Singularity and the information and experiences gained from it, August is tireless, intelligent, and without scruples. Gameplay-wise, Nails, obviously, but possibly self-damage and self-healing? I wasn't really sure where to go with this, so suggestions would be appreciated.
Jason: The Operator of the Argo Office (a Zwei Associate, Grade 3). Young, naïve and absolutely prodigious, Jason spearheads a comprehensive peacekeeping operation through charisma, a sparkling intellect and impressive combat talent. Despite all of this, he cannot bear to see humanity in its current state, and searches constantly for any means to spread his peace across the entire City. Gameplay-wise, I thought a support character based on granting buffs to allies would be sensible. Protection, Haste, SP buffs? Something else?
Saz: An actress from District 9 who became enraptured by the Pianist's performance. Mysterious, joyful and cryptic, she seems to dance to a tune all her own, and meanders across the city from District to District. She has a bounty on her head as an Urban Nightmare due to her capriciousness: despite occasional actions of seeming selflessness, she sometimes kills random Nest-dwellers wherever she happens to be. She has been noted to say that she wishes to change the City in some way, considering its current state a "dull backdrop" to her performance, and wishing for a "stage with greater freedom to act". Gameplay-wise, I thought a character similar to W-Corp Don Quixote would be best - namely, a character who functions off of an incredibly powerful but potentially detrimental third Skill. Saz stacks Haste and Charge in order to reach a third skill that is absolutely devastating at full power, but targets herself if she doesn't possess the right resources.
Paul: A chef from District 23, Paul is quite unique for his distaste for overusing human meat. That is not to say he doesn't use it - after all, it's "the ultimate taste" - but to him, he finds it disrespectful to use too much of it. He believes it "cheapens" the flavour, which is very important to him as an artisanal chef. He also requisitions rare and expensive meats from the Outskirts and Ruins, from "exotic" ingredients, and produces his own homemade breads and other foodstuffs, making his food very high quality, if a little expensive. This limits his clientele, effectively forever barring him from reaching the level of the Eight Chefs, but Paul has come to terms with this. Gameplay-wise, bleed and self-healing are obvious staples, but I was thinking about having him be affected by high Sanity in some way - perhaps an abnormal number of [Heads Hit] effects?
Jacob: The Head of the Information Team in a branch facility of Lobotomy Corporation, Jacob was the only survivor after the White Nights and Dark Days commenced. He managed to escape thanks in no small part due to his Synchronization with Crimson Comet, an Aberration of Blue Star. Jacob himself used to be very idealistic and talented, having come to LobCorp for this reason. However, as the years went on, Jacob became more and more cynical and jaded. He is presently looking for work in T-Corp, seeing that as his next best option and knowing T-Corp had a relationship with his previous workplace, but for now he is doing Fixer work with Crimson Comet in order to pay the bills. Gameplay-wise, I found Tremor and Sinking to be the best way of representing him. Sort of like LCCB Ishmael, but rather than Ammo as his "resource management", I was thinking negative Sanity (to represent Crimson Comet's effect on his mental state and combat capability).
Enzo: A Senior W Corp Cleanup Crew agent, Enzo is well-known internally for his ability to make light of even the most heinous situations - a useful ability considering his line of work. His tendencies to crack genuinely funny jokes and his general sociability do not distract him from his job, though - despite his jovial, sometimes even flirtatious behaviour, Enzo is brutally efficient at "cleaning up" the aftermath of W-Corp's Singularities, and is fiercely loyal to the Wing. Owing to his adoption from the horrifying Backstreets of District 23 by a W-Corp Feather, Enzo considers the Cleanup Crew (and the Wing as a whole) his "family", and won't hesitate to protect them with his life, which has won him many favours. Gameplay-wise, Charge is obvious. Ideally some form of "tankier" ID, perhaps? I'm not really sure of the validity of tanks in a game like Limbus Company, though.
Manasseh: A peculiar Messenger of the Index, Manasseh was previously a Weaver, but the Prescripts demoted him to Messenger after his hubris got the better of him. Rather than be dismayed at this turn of events, Manasseh was amused - the sadistic thrill he got from watching the whims of the City crush a stranger's soul was even better in person. Now, he acts as a herald of the Prescripts in truth, an ill omen, a harbinger of bad news. Fate may not be his to command, but it is his to proclaim, and who better than he to be a bridge between the present and the inevitable future? Gameplay-wise, I pictured a character who has an easier time winning clashes, and slowly applies more and more Paralysis and Fragility as the fight goes on.
Julia: A diplomat, coordinator and "fieldwork operative" from the April Office (a Cinq Associate, Grade 2), Julia is a competent, well-reputed Fixer who handles her contracts with demure composure and frank professionalism. However, this persona is a facade: a shell meant to disguise Julia's disgust and contempt at the state of the City and its residents. Recently, her cocoon has begun to break open, leaving her with unusual abilities she is only too happy to use to vent her frustrations through her work. Gameplay-wise, I believe Charge and negative Sanity might be reasonable mechanics, though I find myself drawn strangely to the idea of a character with big benefits on [Clash Lose] (which would be quite hard to balance, unfortunately).
Sasgonei: A senior member of the Dragonbone Workshop, a workshop specialising in semi-autonomous body augmentations and weaponry constructed from exotic materials, Sasgonei specialises in instruction and training of his suboordinates. He is close with his fellow Dragonbone Fixers, and is seen in a somewhat paternal light by his students. Despite the City's usual policy of "it's not personal", Sasgonei has been known to go on a rampage when his Workshop or its personnel have been threatened, and has generated enough of a reputation to be known by name to certain Tres Association officials. Gameplay-wise, I was thinking of a character who hands out simple but effective buffs: stuff like Protection, Damage Up, Haste and so on. I was also thinking an actually usable Counter skill could be cool, but I'm not sure how that would function (self-healing, to make it viable to take damage?).
Zoroas: A reclusive member of the Seven Association's Western Branch's Section 1, Zoroas sees his work as artistry. From combat to information gathering, he fulfils his assignments with a certain sense of dignity and discretion that leads clients to be favourable toward him. His refined taste extends to the battlefield as well, disdaining weaponry or techniques with a lack of finesse, and procuring information and removing obstacles with much the same elegance that he displays otherwise. He has recently shown a fascination with the Distortion Phenomenon, believing it to be a sacred representation of the beauty of human struggle, and seeks to analyse any Distortions he comes across. Gameplay-wise, I believe Poise (obvious) and Fragility (as a member of the Seven Association) would be appropriate, but I'm accepting suggestions.

So I've been playing a lot of the beta, and have really enjoyed it, but there is something that really struck me. I found pretty quickly that I didn't like having to level up my character.
In Wrath of the Righteous I looked forward to levelling, and in Rogue Trader (the tabletop game) I also loved building my character after each session. With the beta I don't have that same interest, and I think I know why.
The best part of character creation is that it is a ball of impactful choices: how do you distribute stats, what feats do you take, do you multiclass, what abilities are coming next, etc. The beta doesn't feel like it has that same level of choice. I think the reason comes from two different things: most of the abilities don't feel impactful and are tough to parse, and the opportunity cost of choices which Rogue Trader the tabletop game has is missing.
For those of you who don't know, Rogue Trader didn't have leveling up. Instead, things just cost XP. More powerful talents and skills cost more XP, and as you increased a characteristic it cost more XP. The question then became "Do I want to increase my WS by 10 for 1000 XP and get it stupidly high, or do I want to increase my STR, TGH, and AGH all by +10 instead?" Often you would want to get your highest stat to be ridiculously high, but there was a trade off there, and the increased cost made building your character an interesting problem.
The beta doesn't have that, though, because you instead level up. When you level you can increase your stat and your skill however you wish (depending on class), which means getting very high in something is very easy. Because you can use your allies' stats for most checks, it makes it so the best choice is mostly to just increase your "main" stat and your "main" skill. This makes it feel like it isn't really a choice: the optimal solution is obvious, so why do something else? Why should I increase my willpower if I can use my Psyker's willpower for checks instead? Why should I spread out my abilities at all if there is no punishment to being singularly focused?
I know that just increasing a single stat is sub-optimal, but there isn't much depth to these choices. You increase something until you feel like you have enough, then increase the next thing.
As for the abilities, I admit some of my distaste comes from opening a wall of text and trying to figure out what works best. For some people that's the best thing in the world, but for me it is frustrating. Ignoring my personal dislike for it, though, I find that the abilities generally don't change much except for the numbers. By this I mean the abilities tend to increase damage, decrease enemy stats, or increase player stats, rather than actively doing something. Study target gives bonus damage and opens up abilities which decrease enemy stats, but the ability doesn't feel unique, it just feels like "here is how you increase damage." Most of the abilities alter player or enemy statistics rather than opening up new options or tactics. This means that the abilities don't change what you do, they just change how effective you are at things. That translates into looking at the levelling up screen and saying "what gives me the best numbers," which when done for 20 levels (for every companion no less) is agonizing.
Just to drive home my point: contrast the ability "Shot on the Run" with "Hot on the Trail." Shot on the Run lets you move and take an extra shot. Fairly simple. Hot on the Trail is a wall of text that says it increases your allies hit chance, increases your allies hit chance more if it is a tough enemy, and then a bunch of stuff about when the creature dies and the third time it is used you get an extra hunt. It is fairly complex, though not as complex as some other abilities.
Here's the thing: Shot on the Run feels impactful because it allows you to do things and change how you approach the combat. Hot on the Trail only gives bonuses, so there is almost never a time you wouldn't use it, and it doesn't alter how you fight, just what numbers you have when you fight. Sure, buffs are important, but in a tactical game like this the abilities would be more fun if they opened up possible tactics rather than just changing the numbers. Admittedly this is also one of my frustrations with Pathfinder, so I think despite clearly being from the same generation of tabletop gamers (both Pathfinder and Dark Heresy/Rogue Trader were my main games when I was younger) I just have less appreciation for number crunching than Owlcat does.
Maybe the answer is to give fewer abilities and have those that you get be more impactful? Decrease the AP characters have, but also decrease the number of abilities you get so you have to choose which ability to use more carefully? I know I almost always have enough AP to do everything I want, which reduces the choices I have to make in combat (it isn't a choice if I can always choose to do everything). Have less emphasis on buffs and debuffs and more abilities that change movement, give control, or alter the environment? I'm not saying it needs a complete rehaul, but right now it feels like the choices being made aren't impactful when leveling.

Ever since our childhood, me and Daniel loved to play in nature. We went everywhere, we saw fields, we saw creeks, we even got lost in the forest a few times like the idiots we were.
But something that really caught our attention as kids was the orchard situated about a kilometer away from my house, it belonged to our neighbor, Mr. Tanaka, a wealthy man who remained humble and kind to us. We would go there from time to time, and when Mr. Tanaka let us inside, we would see all the trees in it and it was quite magical.
The one thing that made Mr. Tanaka stand out from everyone else, was that he was quite the flamboyant man, he liked to decorate each one of his trees with unique pieces of cloth and symbols, it seemed to us like he knew every single one personally. The way they were shaped was also extremely bizarre, it almost seemed like each tree had its own story to tell. for a while, i thought Mr. Tanaka could speak to them, because he handled them with such care..I couldn’t help but be moved by this man’s devotion.
One day, the both of us went to him with small apple saplings in our hands. We asked him if he could allow us to plant these in his orchard. He chuckled and told us that we could do that, but only once we were fully grown up and could handle the responsibility of taking care of them. “Just like a tree needs to be mighty and strong to bear its fruit, you’ll have to be great and wise to bear your own fruit..The fruit that lies in you.” He told me pointing at my heart.
I truly took those words to heart, no pun intended. And I've been thinking about them since that day. Actually, now that i’ve mentioned it, I've never even seen a single fruit pop out from Mr. Tanaka’s orchard. maybe he uses those trees for something other than fruit, like paper or wood?
Today, I've come back from college to my quaint little neighborhood. I meet with Daniel again, and we decide to check out Mr. Tanaka’s orchard, for old time’s sake. Now we’re in the car, Daniel drives and I'm messing around, recording with my camera like I'm filming some stupid urban exploration vlog.
I ask Daniel about what Mr. Tanaka’s been up to lately, he answers that he’s been secluding himself as of late, for whatever reason, but Daniel jokingly theorizes that maybe his old age caught up to him. but he’s been a different person lately, no more joy. While he’s still taking care of his trees, Daniel tells me he’s been more of a robotic servant chained by his duty than the green-fingered tree enthusiast from our childhood.
We’re now approaching the gate to the orchard. It's already night by the time we’re here, but I suppose the moonlight’s gonna be enough for us to see. I get out and a nostalgic scent enters my nose, I'm reliving all of my moments here in an instantaneous flash. The trees glow faintly under the moon’s gentle light and we sneak into the orchard. I hear the wind whistle just above my ear. The sight is nothing short of breathtaking, a thousand trees, all personalized with vibrant colors, and charms, and symbols, basking in the night, devoid of anything else.
Daniel suggests we don’t wander too far lest we get lost, But we walk and walk and admire each tree’s design, i remember this one! And that one! And all of these here! Are we being pulled further and further into the orchard by their beauty?
Now we’re about 2 kilometers from the gate, I never even realized the orchard extended this far, now it’s getting quite dark and the wind blows harder. My heart is beating faster but I'm not sure if it’s from excitement or fear. Daniel abruptly stops, “I think we should go back now..” he tells me, we look at each other for a brief moment. We’re suddenly startled by the sound of wind chimes hanging from the trees. We look around us, it’s like the trees are speaking to us, welcoming us with a ritualistic chant.
I feel the cold wind in the back of my neck get colder, my heart is beating so fast now. I can’t help but feel that something isn’t right anymore. I look at my arms and I've got the pointiest goosebumps I've ever had. I approach one of the trees and feel it with my hands. This tree feels oddly warm, I run my palm through it and feel vibrations..I’m hearing something now..I put my ear against the tree..Is that a slow, heavy, drum beat i’m hearing? No..It’s more like a heartbeat.
My eyes widen and my throat feels narrow, I shiver. I’m hit with a wave of dread. I must get out..I hear Daniel call out for me. I find him staring at a young sapling on the ground, now I'm hellbent on leaving, “Daniel, let’s get out of here now!”
But Daniel is unresponsive, it’s as if he’s caught in a trance, i see him fall to his knees, He screams in pain, I run to him...The sapling’s leaves are stabbing into his face, penetrating his face, he lets out the most agonizing yelp i’ve ever heard..The sapling’s trunk fuses with Daniel’s face. It grows and grows and lifts his body into the air. I can’t do anything but stare in disbelief, am I dreaming?
Daniel’s limp body starts to contort, soon I see his veins bulging out of him. I still hear his muffled screaming, he spasms like a puppet and bloody chunks of wood start to burst out of his flesh. His back splits in half and his ribcage opens up..I’m watching my best friend be viciously killed before me. Daniel’s ribs have turned into solid wood and leaves are springing out of them. There’s nothing left of him anymore.
I stare at the tree next to me for a moment, my mind is destroyed now, i stand up and walk away, i don’t even have the strength to run. But I feel a surging, pulsing pain in my legs. I look down and see that my veins have come out of my body and buried themselves deep in the soil. Everything goes blank.
I am awake again, but I can't move, I can't speak, I can only see what’s around me..Oh..That’s right, i’ve turned into a tree now.
From one of my branches sprouts a fruit..It’s like an apple, but it’s veiny and bloody, and it pumps, it beats. I see Mr. Tanaka approaches, he stares at me with a blank look on his face. He plucks the apple from my branch and a jet of blood splurts out of me.
“You’re back.” he says, a faint smile forming on his face.