Ever since I could remember my dad would spend all his free time sitting in front of his computer looking at stocks or whatever & it’s low key created trauma because he never paid any attention to me as a child except when he would be pissed about something. From what I have gathered from my mom over the years, this has been a thing since before I was born & was something they used to argue about constantly. She doesn’t really gaf now though, because she’s basically gaslit herself into thinking he’ll make it. A few years ago he quit his cushy tech job & literally put our family on welfare so that he could do stocks full time. Our family never had to worry about money before because of how much he made from his day job, but now my parents are always talking about how we don’t have enough money & it’s stressing me out. I only have a year left of college so I’ll be okay but I have 3 younger siblings (18, 14, 10). On one hand I feel like I should do something about this situation but on the other hand my dad is the kind of person who is just impossible to get through to & we barely even have a relationship now. Should I just continue letting him do his thing, if not, how do I approach this?

https://preview.redd.it/97k3hw1j7b4b1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=3490bc1e3df6cf6278c056a96829f4ba39e48c9d
CW-1 Before:

Doctor: Who pulled the curtains open?
Muelsyse: Yawning so much, did you not sleep well?
D: Is this how the hotel in Tremont protects guests' privacy? (Is this how the director of Rhine Life visits guests?)
M: If I want to see you, I'll come. You saved me from that power armour, yet you fin it strange when I bring you breakfast?

​
CW-ST-2:

M: Ah, you're awake, Doc. Good morning... No, it's good evening.
D: The last thing I remember is the ventilation ducts -
M: Yes, I have been manipulating water to find you after I learned that you were in danger. When you were about to be discovered, I finally found you, and so, wrapped you in water and transported you here. I'm sorry for the bumps on the way, but I was in a hurry.
D: I owe you one.
M: You saved me once, I saved you once... Hmmm, I wonder who will save who next time?

​
https://preview.redd.it/qpej4nmy7b4b1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=65cabdad01ccbae28b6a7524d2be7d256e4f647c
CW-5 Before:

With her hands behind her back, Muelsyse slowly steps away from the Doctor. She looks at them with with a rare, somewhat serious expression.
The music is already playing.
It is a soothing and melodious tune. The Doctor sees water seeping out from between the veins of the leaves, slowly coalescing into a drop of crystal dew.
More drops appear, and they leave the leaves, catching up with Muelsyse, moving in time with the melody. They can make out the rhythmic movement of each drop on the surface, so light it looks like breathing.
M: Doctor, feel them and they will guide our dance.
...
D: The air in this ecological garden seems to be 'clean'.
M: Doctor, you are very perceptive. The light, water circulation systems and air purification devices do not rely on the support of Originium powered technology. In other words, it really is the cleanest place in Trimounts.
M: It is my foundation in Trimount. It's the only place where I feel more relaxed.
The Doctor's hands are suddenly empty, and Muelsyse disappears from view.
Those drops of water condense into a ribbon of water that gently pulls them toward the corner of the ecological garden.
A white fir, currently only found in a small amount in some mountainous areas of Colombia because of the pollution of the soil by the industrial development of Originium.
The water droplets scatter and break up, separating a dense layer of mist between the fir trees and the Doctor.
They can faintly see a tombstone. Muelsyse is quietly removing the weeds around it.
They have never seen her that mournful.
Is that, a projection of the past?

https://preview.redd.it/2xiqyais9b4b1.png?width=1744&format=png&auto=webp&s=532c1745fa6f0360251a78e04c3955dde1596d5d

(Insert Muelsyse's Backstory)
...
M: How easy is it to stay away from modern civilization? A more convenient, more advanced, more colourful life was just around the corner, and you were told that you would have to spend your life in the deep woods.
M: It became unbearable for some, especially due to the long lifespans of elves. Some died in depression because of this, and some chose to end their lives early.
M: But more elves, eventually, chose to enter this society, including my parents.
M: They struggled to find a way to avoid contact with Originium but survive in civilization, living carefully but bravely. They knew they would die one day because of exposure to Originium. They accepted the result.
D: Are you looking for a way to change their fate?
M: Keep dancing, Doctor.
More drops of water rise from the ecological garden and the music enters a new passage.
The smile returns to Muelsyse's face.
M: Sometimes I envy Rhodes Island, there are always so many people there.
D: Ah, so you've been to Rhodes Island.
M: Oh, I've been discovered. I did sneak onto your ship, maybe once or twice? I wanted to see how Ifrit was doing, and I was curious about what Saria was up to.
M: Speaking of which... I also saw a certain someone standing on the deck staring as the sun was about to set.
D: I didn't notice your approach at the time.
M: It was a tiny, tiny doppelganger of mine, no threat. I wondered why you liked to be alone on the deck and think about things when you were so happy in your cabin.
D: I wanted to try to see if I could remember something. It seemed that someone had watched the sunset with me many times before.

Priestess...

M: Did you find any memories of that person?
D: No.
D: All I can remember is a face and a name.
M: Well... Even a mysterious and knowledgeable person like you has answers that you can't find.
She leads them, with another half turn.
D: You're a good dancer.
M: Of course I am, I was the backbone of the dance club in college and practiced for a long time.
M: When I left the village, I spent all my time 'studying'. Every child in Colombia knows that if you want to change your life, the best thing to do is to go into science. I studied hard, became the first in my class, the first in my grade, and finally got into the university in Trimounts.
M: In addition to my studies, I spent enough time in 'modern life', fashion, games, literature, music, dance... I mastered social etiquette and I met a lot of people.
M: For others, this is just a hobby, but for me it's a task, an exploration, a self-test. I know it's strange to say this, but what I ask of myself is, "You have to live life with all of your effort."
The song is over. In empty ecological garden, Muelsyse stands across from the Doctor, quiet as a white fir.
They can hear the sound of the air purification system running.
The wind hits their face, unusually moist. The fragrance of the plants, the looseness of the soil... They realize that the dancing water drops, the song and the dance were real.
M: Let our collaboration continue, Doctor.

Slightly longer one here, I think I like them this length. Anyway, as always, thanks for reading! :)
---
“I am unsure Miss,” Ton'et's central body turned somewhat and look of deep thought came over them, “wait… we’ve established that these three are not party with these Tinsne. They are wearing habsuits and have died more recently. At this time we have two questions. One, Where did these three come from? And two, What was that disturbance?” They looked at Penelope.
“…I’m not sure I’m following.”
“I’m suggesting that these two questions may have the same answer. The sound and jostling correspond with an airlock alignment and clamping sequence. I believe we have been just boarded by whoever sent these three here.”
“… Shit.”
“An apt Terran expletive.”
Ton’et noticed the human’s eyes tarry on the weapons crates but was surprised when she instead stood and moved to the doorway.
“Can’t do anything from here. Follow behind me and we`ll see what we’re dealing with. If something happens just hide and stay down.” Penelope let out a hollow chuckle.
“An expression of amusement? Why?” Ton’et asked as they moved to the airlock.
“Well, you wanted firsthand data on human biology, right? It looks like you’re gonna get it.” she said, moving to the door.
“I see… not quite what I had in mind Miss…”
Penelope gave Ton’et a wry smile as she waited for them to take a position behind the lip of the door. Pressing the button, the doors slid opened quickly but no one waited for them in the airlock itself and the doors to the Blue Nebula wouldn’t unlock until the outer door was closed. As such, the two moved in and again took up positions. Penelope at the door and Ton’et behind cover.
This time Penelope waited. Moving the side of her head up against the door and pausing for a moment. She then repeated the odd action lower on the door.
“What are you doing Miss Penelope?” Ton’et asked.
Penelope tapped the fleshy protrusions on her head, “Listening. There’s something mechanical on the other side of the door.”
“How can you… questions for later. It’s most likely a frame. There’s nowhere near enough folks turning to piracy to fill a crew so its not uncommon to see them using mechanical assistants.”
“Great…”
Really? Robots?
A focus came over the human as she motioned for Ton’et to stay down. It almost scared them how her face changed expression. There was no smile anymore, and the eyes took on a deadly seriousness. They shuddered to think of themselves on the receiving end of this aura.
Having noted her companion’s hidden position Penelope took a deep breath and opened the door.
In an instant, it slid open and her target was in front of her. A machine about half her height with three leg-like appendages supporting a round body and atop that a cylindrical shaped head. A lens was looking down the hall to the cargo bay before it quickly refocused on the large creature surging forward from the airlock. A small laser weapon deployed from body but it had no time to fire as Penelope’s left hand gripped its head, lifted it into the air, and slammed it into the opposite wall.
Penelope had apparently used enough force to crush the thing’s head entirely as its body detached and fell to the floor. The shattered head only remained due to Penelope’s grip.
Oh… well then, that was…
“Huh… I honestly thought that it would be a bit more durable.” She said as she looked at the crushed cylinder in her hand and then let it drop to the ground.
After a brief moment of shock Ton’et produced their datapad and began taking notes. Penelope noted that the rest of the corridor was clear and began making her way to the bridge.
“Bridge first, hopefully we can get a good idea of what we’re up against… and where everyone is.”
Ton’et made a gesture mimicking a nod and followed at a distance.
Reaching the turn in the corridor, Penelope peeked around the corner and saw that the bridge doors were wide open. It wasn’t a great angle, but she could see one frame of similar design past the open doors. Holding out a hand she motioned for Ton’et to stay put.
Ton’et was again surprised and made note of the near silence with which Penelope dropped low to the ground and made her way to the open bridge door. What was one frame from the angle of the corner revealed itself to be two frames and an alien in a familiar style habsuit.
Penelope was used to perfectly controlling her movements in regular gravity and with the ship operating on half that norm it was almost nothing to move with speed and silence. She moved past the first frame she’d seen which was evaluating the security console. Making sure not to alert that frame she moved up behind the alien and the frame it stood next to. They were apparently attempting to slice the console attached to Captain Deag’s chair. This task seemingly so engrossing that neither noticed Penelope taking a position directly behind them.
In a flash of motion she grabbed the alien by its habsuit with her left hand and the frame by its head with her right. In one fell motion she crushed the frame and whipped its body across the bridge into the second frame destroying them both. She turned the aliens face towards the pile of frame parts and then back to her.
“Call for help and I promise you, that habsuit wont even slow me down. Understand?” she said with a deathly growl, staring into its eye.
It began to shake in the suit and uttered a single wilting, “…yes.”
“Good. Now, you’re gonna answer some questions for me.”
Ton’et barely watched where they were walking as they moved onto the bridge. Tapping away at the data pad and muttering to themselves.
“Inquire about limits of superb strength. Inquire about ability to move silently despite size. Inquire about ability to launch objects at speed and with accuracy.” They continued as they moved into a corner and sat down.
The alien in Penelope’s grip noticed Ton’et but did nothing but shake in fear and wait for the questions.
“First. How many of you are there?” Her tone was cool and controlled.
“Five total now, thing on other ship got Mol, Vardin, and Eiggia. More frames. Me here, three others should be in cargo bay with your people, frames too. One left on our ship. Please don’t kill me.”
“Cooperate and I won’t harm a hair on your…” she noticed it was seemingly hairless, “Look, talk and you’ll be fine. Deal?”
It made a gesture that Penelope assumed was equivalent to a nod.
“Excellent. How many frames? And is everyone using energy weapons?”
“Ehrm, seven frames and…” It seemed to be confused about the second question, “energy weapons… yes? I am the only one not armed.”
“Last question. You have a means of communicating with your friends?”
The alien’s eye tarried to a belt on its suit. Hooked on it was a small round device.
“This?” Penelope grabbed the thing and held it up.
“Yes. Touch screen, speak.” It offered.
“No need.” She responded as she crushed it in her grip and let the pieces fall to the ground.
The alien made a kind of buzzing noise as it looked down at the crushed commlink.
“Now,” Penelope continued as she moved to a corner of the bridge, “you’re going to sit in this corner and do absolutely nothing because you know that if you try anything there is nowhere you can run that I cannot get to you, yes?”
It enthusiastically made its equivalent of a nod once again. Satisfied, Penelope set them down and turned to her security console. She readjusted its height to suit her and pulled up the corridor cameras and the cargo bay camera. What the little alien had said was true. The corridors were clear. There were three individuals with laser rifles and four more frames in the cargo bay. They’d gathered the crew back by the large bay door and were looking over the cargo.
“Ton’et, stay here and keep an eye on this one…,” she evaluated the situation, “and come over here. I think I have an idea you’ll like.
“Of course Ma’am.”
After explaining her little plan Penelope left Ton’et with the alien who, true to their word, made absolutely no movements save a little shaking. She made her way down the other corridor from the one they’d come through and overrode the locking mechanism on its airlock, ensuring no one would be joining the party… or leaving too early. Next, she went not to the door that led to the cargo bay but the engine room and its many maintenance tunnels.
---
Gareth had just met up with Deag and had begun to explain the situation when the pirate ship sent a warning signal and began boarding them. Docked as they were, there wasn’t much to be done to stop the vessel. They were quickly corralled together with the rest of the crew at the back of the cargo bay.
“Now I’m not sure if this is your first time but we’re not barbarians. Well take what we want, and you’ll be on your way. No harm done. Simple as that.” The leader explained to them. He was a sort of bright yellow and red insectoid, though it was hard to tell under the habsuit. He was just a hair taller than Gareth and sported bug-like wings from his back that the suit accounted for.
Gareth wanted nothing more than to yell, “I told you so!” but he would never admonish the captain in front of the crew. Besides, he had more pressing matters to think about. Like how to handle the fact that Penelope was currently on board the derelict ship seemingly with no idea they’d been boarded by pirates. He wasn’t sure what to do and couldn’t exactly discuss it with the captain lest their captors hear them. The captain was no doubt in the same position as he looked to Gareth. Unfortunately, neither of them were telepathic.
He could attempt to scare the pirates by telling them about Penelope but then they might be able to disengage the airlock and trap her and Ton’et on the other ship. That would not do at all, and they’d probably think he was just bluffing until they sliced the ships’ computers and saw proof of her identity. That said he was fairly sure that none of these pirates were fond of violence. Most just used the threat of it to get valuables and leave. It was mostly a calm affair compared to what he knew of ancient human piracy. He decided the best thing to do was just talk but not mention Penelope. He was good at talking and a better sense of these pirates would serve well.
“So, what happened exactly. I’m curious. We found three wearing similar habsuits to yours on that ship.”
“A question for a question. I answer that one and then ask one of my own. Fair?” the leader’s wings buzzed.
Gareth looked to Deag who just nodded, “Fine.”
“We found that ship not long before you, knew it was just us in the system so we checked it out. Sent the three over and then… nothing. Dead coms, life signs gone. Weren’t about to just give up on it and it presented us with an opportunity. We wait for another to check it out and either they go the same way as ours did in there and we loot their ship, or they figure out whatever happened for us and we take everything.”
“Ahh, so a trap. Just not one set by you.”
“I suppose. But now my question. You are alive so you managed to survive whatever was on the ship. What was it? What killed my people?”
Before he could respond, though, a familiar voice came over the ship’s intercom.
Ton’et!?
“Hello pirates. This is… um well I suppose my name doesn’t really matter… well I’m here to give you a threat? Message? Kind of a request too to be honest. All three, yes… Anyway. Put down your weapons and surrender to the captain. That would be Captain Deag… The Corvul… oh gosh I’m really no good at this. Uhm, just surrender or else you’ll regret it cause our security officer Penelope is going to… do something that I’m of course not going to reveal to you. But its… bad, so you should really surrender. Ton’et out.” The intercom cut out abruptly.
“…What?” The pirate leader looked more confused than anything.
“They’re a scientist, not an orator. But you really should consider surrender because if Ton’et is on the bridge then Penelope must already be on her way here. You see what we found was an anti-personnel turret. A human weapons platform. We were able to deactivate it thanks to our new security officer. A human who, if I had to guess, is about to burst through one of those doors.”
The pirate leader wheeled around and aimed his rifle at one of the doors.
“Cover the doors!” he yelled.
The other two aliens and the four frames took aim at the two points of entry. The high pitched whine of charging laser weapons sounded from all of them.
“Keep aim. We know where its coming from and no personal shield could hold up under all our fire.”
They held but nothing happened. Gareth broke the silence.
“You know captain. There’s another human phrase I think you’d like. I think even a human would call you bat shit crazy sometimes. You know you really should look up some of those terms. Having Penelope hanging around.”
“I suppose I should?” Deag responded with a quizzical look.
“Silence you two!” the pirate said without averting his gaze from the doors.
“You really aught to LOOK them UP captain…” he repeated emphasizing the two words.
The captain suddenly understood what Gareth was trying to tell him and, as covertly as possible, glanced up to the ceiling of the cargo bay. Immediately his eyes shot back down as he witnessed perhaps the most terrifying sight of his life.
Even in the greys of his vision he could see, hanging from the crane attached to the tall ceiling of the cargo bay, their security officer. Penelope had apparently accessed one of the maintenance tunnels that Thwilll most often used and followed it to a hatch that let out in the ceiling. She had then, silently, swung her way across the support structure to the crane system that was used to move especially heavy cargo. Now, she hung from it with one arm as she gazed down at the unsuspecting pirates. All of whom were still solely focused on the doors.
“So that’s a no to the surrender?” Deag asked.
“Silence!” the bug yelled.
The final part of Penelope’s plan became apparent when everyone in the cargo bay was suddenly forced down into the floor. The bay’s gravity had just been jacked up to its maximum.
“AGH!” one of the pirates yelled as they were completely pinned to the ground.
A similar sound came from many as they all struggled against the force. The leader and the other alien managed to stay vertical but were clearly struggling to move. Even the frames struggled somewhat, clearly not built by a species that worked under such gravity.
Deag looked up with disbelief to see Penelope seemingly unaffected, still holding on to the crane with a single hand. She evaluated the situation for only a moment before simply letting go. Her massive form careened downward, taken quickly by gravity.
SLAM!
The resounding sound came as she landed on the floor. Her legs bent as they absorbed the impact. Rising to her full height she moved with incredible speed. Her hands shot out and grasped the two frames she’d landed between. With a twist of her torso and extension of her arms, she threw them into opposite walls. Still working off the shock, Penelope managed to surge forward and crush another frame under her foot. Its shell shattered as she put her full weight atop it.
Finally, the shock seemed to wear off and the pirates began to react. They moved sluggishly, though, their rifles more than doubling in weight. The leader attempted to take flight, but his wings did little more than buzz incessantly, not even lifting him from the ground. Penelope, however, moved with ease. Gareth could almost see relief in her eyes as she enjoyed the time under earth-like gravity. She dispatched the final frame without much of a show, simply reaching down and crushing its cylindrical head in her hand.
The leader gave up trying to take flight and the only other pirate not pinned to the ground managed to levy their rifle at Penelope who made no attempt to avoid it or take cover. The hot beam shot out and struck her center mass. Elation and then terror came over them as they celebrated striking the human only to see the sustained beam was having little effect. Penelope held its gaze as she calmly waltzed forward, ripped the rifle from the aliens’ hand, and snapped it in half over her knee. Tossing the two pieces to the ground she just palmed the alien’s face and sent them to join their broken toy.
With that she turned to the leader to see something that changed her demeanor entirely. The leader had aimed his rifle, but not at her. Instead, the emitter was pointed at Captain Deag. A storm came over her face.
“Stop, or he dies…” the leader warned.
“Now, now. We were playing by a certain set of rules, and I was happy to do so. You left them out of it, and I didn’t kill any of you. That was fine by me. But you’re about to change those rules,” her hand slowly lowered to the pistol that had remained unused at her side, “and I will play by them.”
“You’d risk his life to take mine?” the bug asked.
“Nope. Charge time on those rifles seems to be just over a second. That plus your piss poor reaction time and I’m fairly certain I could get off two, maybe three, shots before you fire. That’s one to disarm you, one to put you down, and one more just to be sure.”
The bug found only cold certainty in Penelope’s eyes as he tried to discern whether she was lying or not. He struggled to keep the weapon steady.
The rest of the bay was silent.
“You’re bluffing.” He said but wilted under her intense gaze.
“The question isn’t whether or not I’m bluffing. The real question is whether or not you’re willing to bet your life on that gamble. I wouldn’t.”
He felt so small under her gaze. His instincts screamed at him that this was no creature to trifle with. Those eyes burned into him and yet he felt nothing but a freezing sensation in his gut.
Don’t do it.
The rifle dropped to the ground with a thud.
Good choice.
---
Previous
First

I'm looking at getting either the bridge club (XL) or a Disc trucker as my first touring bike after riding a recumbent trike since February 2020. I've lost some weight so I'm near 250lbs and shooting for 220. But I have lower back issues due to my weight and have hand numbness in my left hand which was relieved back in May with carpal tunnel release surgery. So I'm looking at bar options to make my riding more upright and a comfortable saddle. Looking at redshift shock stem and seat post to reduce the bumps in the road. Any suggestions for a touring bar for my bike?

I am a 15 year old female who lives with my mom. I love my mom, my mom has sacrificed a lot for me in my 15 years and I know that she loves me. My mom works as Nail Technician and she is a Vietnamese immigrant. My mom is super nice to everyone. On the outside, my friends think she’s super sweet, super understanding, and my friends all love her. My friends all believe she is the most hilarious person ever and in public everybody likes to believe that we have a really good relationship. The truth is, is that it’s not. I’ve spent 15 years living with my mom and I can just say that once I go to college I’m leaving and never coming back. Insider, my mom has a brother who left because he got kicked out of college so really, I’m the only child she has left. My mom has spent many years trying to teach me from right to wrong just like any other parent. But she did that by crushing my self confidence and self esteem. I was not the most skinny girl ever. In fact I was overweight and I have been for most of my life but only by ten to fifteen pounds. My mom spent countless years telling me that I was ugly and that I was a fat pig. During family vacations where I would have to wear a swimsuit she would just avoid me because I know that she was embarrassed about having me as her daughter . I know she did this to motivate me to lose weight but I turned to SH instead. I spent my freshman year of high school going to the gym constantly and I lost 40 pounds. I spent every morning running four miles for 4 days a week. On the days I didn’t run i rowed. I’m relatively skinny now and when relatives like to ask what I did to lose all of that, my mom likes to say that it was her. She made me lose all of the weight and she tells others to copy her techniques. But really, I was the one that worked hard. I spent homecoming and spring fling in the gym. I couldn’t even eat cake on my birthday because it was too many calories. I spent most of my time in the gym. My mom likes to hit me sometimes or kick me. And when she does that she likes to curse me out in Vietnamese when I do something wrong. In our culture it’s very normalized but my mom shows me no affection. She has never told me that she loved me, she has never hugged me ever since I was 7. My mom likes to insult me in english and in Vietnamese. I think she just expects me to be perfect all the time. I have a 4.1 unweighted GPA and I’m going into my sophomore year taking AP Calculus , AP Spanish, and AP American Lit. I play varsity Lacrosse , I’m Editor in Chief for Yearbook next year and I’m secretary of my class. I am in Chess Club and HOSA. I work very hard. Any other mother would be grateful for me. But to my mom it’s not enough. It will never be enough. She always points out my flaws. And what I do wrong. But she never congratulates me. My mom has never attended any of my lacrosse games,school events, graduations , or anything, never has . She’s never there for me. Anytime I try to speak to her about my problems she always yells at me about how I have nothing to stress about because I have food to eat and water to drink. My mom also does this really annoying thing where if she makes something and I don’t like it she’ll just tell me to eat it and give me a sob story. I’ve also noticed that ever since my parents got divorced my mom has been a really horrible girl friend. Not in a cheating way but she doesn’t trust. And to her everything must be perfect and if she’s having a bad day best believe that once you interact with her you will too. My mom assumes things all the time when I do something and she’ll yell at me for that. She prefers her feelings over the actual facts and that’s messed up the dynamic of our relationship. She also never moves on and will use things against me no matter what. Long story short, she’s shattered my confidence and was my very first bully, she always thinks she’s right and can’t admit when she’s in the wrong, she can’t compromise, she’s manipulative, and she’s never there for me. When people say that it’s a red flag when somebody treats their mom like crap I disagree. Not in all situations but you never know what’s happening behind closed doors. My mom truly makes me feel like she only loves me because she’s birthed me. I truly feel like the child she didn’t want. And I don’t think she likes me. I wish I had a good relationship with my mom like everyone else does but I just can’t . When I move out and start my career, I plan on just giving my mom a shit load of money and then leaving her. She took away my childhood all because she didn’t want to create the time or the effort. If she didn’t want to pay more money she shouldn’t have had me. And I wish I didn’t have her as my mom.

July 7th Excerpt From the Journal of Violet Stone
​
I don’t remember much. Just the scenery flying by me as I ran from the train station. I didn’t see anyone chasing me. But I felt chased. I didn’t know what to think, what to feel, or even where the hell I was going. The only thing I felt was fear.
​
When I finally stopped, it was because I just couldn’t run any further. My lungs burned, begging me for air. So I ducked into an alley, trying to catch my breath, and organize my thoughts. The rain pounding down around me was too loud. The street was too quiet and every car that passed by sent another fresh jolt of terror through me as I replayed what had happened at the train station over and over again in my mind. The way that he’d fallen, the look on his face in the instant before he’d gone under the train. Oh God… I couldn’t get it out of my head! I couldn’t stop seeing it in my mind!
​
I wanted to go home, but was that even an option? How the hell does someone just go home after something like that? I couldn’t just waltz through the door like nothing was wrong! If Sam and Lisa didn’t notice, Rose sure as hell would and that assuming that the police weren’t already there. Someone could have recognized me! That Marilyn Monroe looking girl on the platform had gotten a good look at me. What if she told someone? It didn’t matter whether I’d meant to push the guy or not! It didn’t matter how much I’d fucking hated him at the time. He was dead. I was responsible. I’d pushed him. It was my fault.
​
‘I’ve just fucking killed a man!’
​
That thought… that reality didn’t feel real. It hadn’t truly hit me yet.
​
‘I’ve just fucking killed a man!’
​
I felt sick. If I actually had anything in my stomach, I might have even thrown up. Moving made me feel even worse, so I just stood there, letting the rain soak me to the bone, shaking from the horror and the cold while I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do next. But all I could think about was the way he looked as the train went over him, and wondering if anything would have changed if I’d at least tried to grab him. Could I have caught him? Could I have saved him? What then? What would happen next? As far as I knew that motherfucker had murdered my goddamn parents! Should I really have even bothered trying to save him? Maybe I should have felt vindicated by all of this? Maybe this was some kind of justice, right? It sure as hell didn’t feel like justice. It’s not like I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this had been the guy! There were doubts! There were a lot of fucking doubts!
​
I heard the sirens in the distance. But nobody came for me. I saw a police cruiser pass my alley. It didn’t stop for me, but it did make me think about my sweater. The goddamn sweater… it would probably be enough to identify me, right?
​
For a moment, I thought about turning myself in to the police. I mean, maybe once I told them that it was an accident, then maybe they’d be cool with it and let me go? I mean, the police are just known for being trustworthy and reasonable, right? What did I possibly have to worry about with them? I could just turn myself in and everything would be hunky fucking dory! ‘Oh, you just threw a man in front of a fucking subway train! Yeah, no big. Go home! Take a load off! Get some coffee! Try not to think about the man you just threw under a fucking subway train!’ Yes! Go to the police Violet! Great idea! And while you’re at it why don’t you do it in the fucking nude too? GREAT IDEA VIOLET! ALMOST AS GREAT AS THE TIME YOU THREW A MAN IN FRONT OF A FUCKING SUBWAY TRAIN! REMEMBER THAT?
​
I took off the sweater and abandoned it in the nearest dumpster. I hid it under some trash bags and hoped to God that nobody would ever find it, then, after standing in the rain like an idiot for several minutes with no idea on where to go next, I started walking home.
​
Nobody noticed me.
​
Nobody followed me.
​
The city was just… quiet. Not quiet, quiet. But nothing felt out of place. The world around me almost felt normal, and it was my own fault that the normalcy felt wrong somehow.
I entered my old bedroom through the fire escape, just like I used to back in high school when sneaking out at night to drink was the worst thing I’d ever done. I could hear people in the apartment, and I listened to see if any of the voices were unfamiliar. I heard Sam and Lisa talking over breakfast, and I could hear the TV. Nothing out of the ordinary. It satisfied me enough that I was safe. I locked my bedroom door and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over my head and listening to the rain and the voices outside. But I heard nothing out of the ordinary. It was like nothing had happened. Like it was all just a bad dream. Eventually, I fell asleep.
​
I stayed in bed until well after noon, staring up at the ceiling when I couldn’t sleep anymore. Sam and Lisa both left for work. I could hear Rose going around the house. She’d said that she had the day off, save for classes in the evening. She only bothered me once, though. Knocking on my door to check on me. I told her I was sick, and she didn’t pry. She didn’t sound suspicious. Just concerned.
​
I kept replaying what had happened at the subway station over and over again in my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I couldn’t stop hating the quiet around me.
​
Sometimes, I wondered if it was just a bad dream. If maybe I’d never even left my room at all. Maybe I just wanted to believe that. It was better than thinking I’d just killed someone. There was a part of me that didn’t really seem to care. It still hadn’t fully hit me yet. After all, no one had come for me. So maybe it really was just a bad dream? Even if it hadn’t been, how had that man known who my Mom was? What about the things he’d said? Was it just a weird coincidence, or a horrible mistake? Maybe it was both.
​
I checked my phone when the afternoon began to slip into evening. The whole event was getting hazier in my mind. I was starting to convince myself it hadn’t happened. Lisa had messaged me, asking how I was feeling. Rose must’ve told her I was sick. I lied and said I was feeling a bit better, then I checked the news.
​
When I read the story I felt sick all over again. No name for my victim, no information at all. The man who’d gone under the train was just identified as ‘a man.’ That was it. Nothing else. There wasn’t even a picture of him.
​
There was however a picture of me… kinda.
​
It was blurry as hell. I tried to make out my own face amongst the black and white pixels but I couldn’t. It might have been me as I entered the station, although my hood was over my head, my hair was covered, and the only thing I could sort of identify was my lips, which aren’t exactly that distinct. Really, it could have been anyone in that picture. Anyone at all.
​
‘An unknown possible suspect’ It said under the picture. Followed by: ‘The suspect is believed to be male, approximately 6’2 and was last seen wearing a grey hoodie and jeans.’
​
They got the outfit right, and were only a little off with the height by two inches.
​
All in all… I can’t say that any of this really seemed damning to me. Although the idea that the police (or at least the news) had no idea who I was didn’t do a whole hell of a lot to calm me down. The idea of ‘getting away with it’ seemed just as bad as being caught.
​
For the second time that evening, I wondered about turning myself in to the police. I mean, this wasn’t exactly first degree murder. It was an accident! That had to be at least manslaughter, right? I mean, it was still a crime but it wasn’t first degree murder, right?
​
Christ… I was probably committing an even bigger crime by not coming forward! Why wasn’t I going to the nearest police station? What the hell was stopping me? Fear? Fear of what, consequences? You don’t fucking kill a man and not suffer any consequences! Even if it was an accident, there had to be some kind of consequence, right?
​
Was it justice? Assuming that this guy really had been the one who’d killed my parents all those years ago, did he really deserve to die like that? Thrown screaming under a train and… and…
​
God I didn’t even know if it was really the guy or not! It could have been anyone! He could’ve just randomly known my Mom and just so happened to look like her killer! It wasn’t even a perfect resemblance! I mean, fuck, how many fucking people in New York have blond hair, blue eyes and glasses? Thousands at least! Justice wasn’t a valid excuse! It just wasn’t!
​
I wanted to continue to lie there and stew, but I don’t know if that was really an option anymore. Slowly, I forced myself to get out of bed and head into the kitchen. I’d eaten nothing all day, which wasn’t all that healthy of a diet. As a further fuck you to my digestive system, I rummaged through the cupboard. There was a box of off brand pop tarts that I jammed them in the toaster for breakfast, if you could still call it that at five in the evening.
​
While I waited for my sugar enriched breakfast to ‘cook’ I raided the fridge for a drink. I found some OJ, and wandered into the living room. Rose had already left for class, but I knew Sam and Lisa would have been home soon.
​
When they did come home, they found me in the living room, under a blanket and finishing my shitty off brand pastries. Lisa fussed over me, like I knew she would. Sam just took over the TV and changed the channel to something other than the news.
​
I went to bed early last night, checking the news stories again on my phone before lying awake in bed. I might have slept a little. I couldn’t really say. I was just alone with my thoughts.
​
I’m not supposed to go back to Toronto for another day or so. But maybe I could leave early? Fuck off, leave all of this behind me and try to move on with my life? Sam and Lisa wouldn’t question it… much. That sounded like a horrible idea though. Just… fucking off, forgetting, pretending that this didn’t happen. It sounded like a mistake. Running away seemed like the exact kind of thing that would come back to bite me in the ass… and then what would I do? Was I supposed to just keep running from it? I knew in my gut that this would only ever make things worse. What would that do to Sam and Lisa? What would it do to Rose? I didn’t want to find out. I didn’t want to put them through that!
​
As I lay in bed a quiet resignation settled over me… and oddly enough, with it came a bit of peace. I guess even if no one else ever found out about what had happened at Prince Street, even if I took that secret to my grave, it would still gnaw at me. I’d still be looking over my shoulder, waiting for the day to come when it caught up with me. I didn’t want to deal with that. I didn’t want to put my family through that!
​
So I made a decision.
​
I don’t know if this will be my final entry or not.. I might not be coming back after this. Sam, Lisa, Rose… if any of you are reading this, I’m sorry. I swear to God, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.
​
I’m going to go to the police in the morning and I’m going to turn myself in. So if this is it… well… goodbye.
​
I hope you don’t hate me too much.
​
***
​
Okay, so what the fuck?
​
I did the right thing! I turned myself in to the police! I was ready to go to jail over this!
​
Instead, I’m back in my old bedroom at Sam and Lisa’s and I’m 99.9% sure that I’m off the hook.
​
I went to the police station. I told them that I was there to confess and up until that point, things went as expected. They took me to an interrogation room and I waited for someone to come and talk to me. I was in there for about an hour, fidgeting aimlessly with my hands and waiting for some kind of judgment before someone finally bothered to show up.
​
The guy who walked through the door had a sort of ex military look to him. His eyes were intense and he had a muscular physique with a neatly trimmed goatee. He didn’t say a word to me as he came in. He just looked down at the file in his hands before sitting down at the desk.
​
“Violet Stone, right?” He asked. Straight to business. I always thought that Detectives were supposed to come off as friendly at first. This guy seemed like he’d come in with the express purpose of kicking my ass.
“Yeah, I’m Violet.” I said.
​
He looked up at me, sizing me up for a moment before huffing.
“Alright… well Violet, well my name is Vincent Bennett. I’m the Detective assigned to the Arthur White case. I understand you’re here with information, correct?”
​
Arthur White? Was that the name of the guy I’d killed?
“Yeah… I was… I was the one on the subway platform with him.”
“The one who pushed him?” Bennett asked.
​
I hesitated for a moment before nodding.
“It… it was an accident!” I said, “He’d grabbed my arm, I was just trying to get him off of me!”
“Right… tell you what Violet, why don’t you walk me through what happened yesterday morning, okay? Tell me everything that you remember.”
​
I did just that. I told him about how I’d run into Arthur and his daughter while I’d been out on a jog, I told him about how he’d mentioned my mother and how I’d followed him, and finally I told him about what had happened on the subway platform.
​
The whole time, Bennett just took notes and nodded quietly, only pausing a few times to ask a question.
“So - you attest that it was an accident, that Mr. White fell into the path of the oncoming train?” He asked.
“Yeah… yeah, it was.” I said.
“Okay. You mind if I ask why it took so long for you to come forward?” He asked, “I mean… this happened yesterday morning. It’s been at least twenty four hours.”
​
“I was panicking!” I said, “Look, I didn’t know what to do or if I should come forward or what!”
“A man was killed,” Bennett replied. “And you fled the crime scene. You also took a while to come forward. Forgive me if I find any of that suspicious.”
“Well, I’m trying to do the right thing now!” I argued although Bennett’s stony expression didn’t seem to change much.
​
“Miss Stone… are you aware of who Arthur White is?” He asked. “Do you know much about the White family?”
That question of his seemed awfully loaded.
​
“No, why are they important?” I asked.
“Depends on which circles you run in,” Bennett replied. “I’m gonna be honest with you… Arthur White was a real piece of shit. I wouldn’t really call him the worst member of the White family. Arguably he made the rest of them look saintly in comparison. But he was still a man with a… history. You say he resembled the man who you believed killed your parents… was that your only motivation for following him to the Prince Street station?”
“He mentioned my Mother by name!” I said, “He said he knew Diana Stone!”
​
Bennett paused, before looking up at me again.
“You’re Diana Stone’s daughter?” He asked.
My brow furrowed.
“What, you knew her too?” I asked.
“I’ve… heard the name before.”
​
My heart skipped a beat.
“So he did kill them…” I said softly, “You’re telling me that he did kill them?”
“Arthur White was not a suspect in the Diana Stone murder, no. His-”
​
Bennett’s phone started to ring before he could finish whatever it was that he was trying to say. His ringtone was the opening riff of ‘Phantom of the Opera’ by Iron Maiden.
​
He paused, tensing up a little at the sound of the ringtone. Then he quietly reached into his pocket to take his phone out. He stared at the screen, which depicted a big red X on it, before quietly standing up.
​
“Excuse me,” He said softly as he left the room, and for a few minutes, I sat there in the uneasy silence, waiting for him to come back. I found myself fidgeting with my hands again as I looked over at the mirror that dominated the wall to my left. I figured that there had to be someone behind it, watching me. Maybe it was Bennett? I squinted, trying to see if I could see him behind the glass, but there was no luck.
​
The only thing I saw was my own reflection, squinting back at me like an idiot and the security camera in the corner behind me. I looked back up at the camera, staring into it for a moment. I wondered if maybe Bennett was watching me through there. Maybe nobody was watching me? It was hard to say. I stared back into the iris of the camera for a moment, before the door opened again and Detective Bennett came back in. I saw him stuffing his phone back into his pocket.
​
Something about his demeanor had changed, but it was hard to say exactly what. When he spoke to me again, his tone was much quieter.
“Thank you for your time, Miss Stone. We have all we need. You’re free to go.”
​
Free to go?
​
“Wait, what?” I asked. “I… I just killed a guy! What do you mean I’m free to go!”
“You indicated that Mr. White’s death was an accident, correct?” Bennett asked. “That’s all we need. Go home, kid.”
I stared at him in disbelief. He was just letting me go? I’d fucking killed a man and they were just letting me go? That didn’t make any sense!
​
“So that’s it?” I asked, “You’re not going to arrest me or… or press charges or…?”
“No. We’re not,” He said. “You’re free to go.”
​
He picked up his folder and headed for the door again, pausing before looking up at the camera and then back to me. He held the door open for me, and after a moment, I got up and followed him.
“Do I need to get a lawyer?” I asked.
“That won’t be necessary,” He replied as he led me back through the police station. Once we were back at the front door, he pushed through and gestured for me to follow.
​
Once we were outside, I watched him take out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
“So that’s just it, then?” I asked. This whole thing still confused me.
Detective Bennett still didn’t reply. He just looked up toward the building, before taking a drag on his cigarette.
“Take my advice, kid… don’t ever look a gift horse in the mouth. It might not always be so pretty on the inside,” He didn’t look at me as he said that. He started down the steps of the police station, before pausing. “And do yourself a favor, keep your head down for the next little while.”
​
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, but Detective Bennett was already walking away from me.
​
I’m not an idiot.
​
Something isn’t right here. I just don’t know what.
​
I keep thinking back to the phone call Bennett got. I’ve got a feeling that it had something to do with my sudden release. What I don’t know is what or why and to be honest, I’m not sure that I want to find out.
​
Bennett told me to keep my head down, and I’m smart enough to take his advice.
​
I’m leaving tonight.
​
I’m going to let Sam, Lisa, and Rose know over dinner. I’ll think of some bullshit excuse. Maybe I’ll say that it’s a work thing, or something. They’re not going to check. I’m supposed to be heading home in a couple of days anyway, so they’re not going to think too much of it if I leave early.
​
Either way, whatever the hell I’ve gotten myself into, I want to get out of it sooner rather than later.

I (26M) have been working mostly in the hospitality industry since I was about 16. Started as a dishwasher, moved to prep, then started line cooking. I've worked as a sous chef, and even kind of temporarily held down a chef position in a fine dining restaurant while we were in between chefs. In between kitchen work I have managed a ski rental shop, did 4 months as a sales associate at Verizon (lol), and even roofed one summer between college semesters. I have a few years of college classes under my belt, I haven't gone very far as I have changed majors a few times. I don't know my current GPA, but I imagine it's not the best. Decent amount of W's and unflattering grades, but there have been a few semesters where I've earned A's in every class. In my defense, I have always worked full time, being a full time student and worker is challenging.
Anyway... 3 years ago, a few friends, my brother, and I thought it would be a great idea to open a our own restaurant. I was not a key player in the beginning. My brother is an amazing chef, food has always been a huge passion of his. The friends who took on the project with us consisted of a front of house manager / bartender, a "bookkeeper", and a couple of grunts like me. I have never been that serious about food, it has simply always been just a job to me. I'm real good at it, but that's just because I've the experience and idk I just have a knack for it. My initial goal with helping my bro and his friends start a restaurant was just that, I just wanted to help my brother accomplish his dream. Maybe I would have continued my education throughout and who knows, maybe graduate and get a good non back breaking job before I hit my 30's. Long story short, none of us knew what it meant to actually own a restaurant or a business at all. We learned real quick that it was never ending hard work, at least in the beginning. The first to go was the "bookkeeper".
I have "bookkeeper" in quotations because she was not a bookkeeper we were all just too naive to understand this. About a year into the operation she was fried and ran off to Mexico to travel with her bf. Great for her, but that left us with no idea what to do about that end of the business. We didn't really have the money to hire an in house bookkeeper, so I just did what anybody who has no idea what to do would. A bunch of youtube videos later I was running payroll for about 20 to 30 employees on QBO, filing and submitting sales tax, unemployment tax, and workers comp through state websites. The business is located near a state border so I was becoming familiar with both state's tax liabilities as we had employees in both states. I started to work with an accounting consultant who taught me to categorize expenses in quickbooks, and helped me get literally the first year of expenses reconciled. This is the reason for "bookkeeper". Our partner had gone the first full year of business without categorizing a single expense in QB's, we did not even have books, we could not get our taxes filed and it was just a huge mess. But, with the help of a consultant I cleaned it up the best I possibly could. Some issues were impossible to correct because there was almost no record keeping and she had a habit of spending cash. I don't want to drag this on, the point is that I have been for the last 2 years now taking care of most of the business admin type work. Almost a year ago, we hired this guy, he has been a utility man, but he has a good amount of experience in the corporate world and has actually helped me with creating budgets and keeping track of expenses, he also helps my brother with social media and a host of other things. He now does a lot of our inventory and ordering, he does part of the schedule, he really believes in my brother's vision and is basically becoming the GM, just not quite officially yet.
(Again sorry for the read.)
As I have mentioned I am not passionate about food or drinks or restaurants at all. I want a 9 to 5er with PTO, benefits, a WLB, and a decent compensation. I see this guy as an opportunity to get out. I'm in the process of outsourcing payroll, and having an accounting firm take over most of the reconciliation. The dude is more than capable of helping my brother run his restaurant. So all is good there. I on the other hand am burned out. I'm about 2.5 years from an accounting degree, and want to continue pursuing that. As I make my escape, I realize that I'm going to have to work somewhere. I really really really don't want to work in another kitchen. I've been looking on indeed and have noticed entry level accounting work, AP, data entry, stuff like that. Usually for a small local company, sometimes the few of the small cities around me are putting up ads looking to fill these types of positions. The jobs pay anywhere from $18 to like $24 an hour which I wouldn't mind, they always say they prefer someone with at least an associates but a diploma works. By now I am very comfortable using QB's and Excel, and I am thoroughly interested in the field and am intrigued by entrepreneurship and business in general. I have experience with running a business, but don't really want to continue what I'm doing (for multiple reasons). Anyway, should I list out the decade or so of unrelated work experience while creating a resume for a job like this? My thought is that I should have the jobs listed, but just not go too far into the description, and focus mostly on my "accounting" experience at my brother's restaurant. Also would you guys think that even with my experience that I am likely to be hired as an entry level bookkeeper or data entry clerk? I know accounting can be very complex, but I'm not going for a position like that, just simple invoicing/ record keeping data entry type work. Personally, I think I'd be well suited for a gig like that.
Please let mw know your thoughts.
Also if any of you started in hospitality, I'd love you hear your story.
Thanks reddit accounting community!

I almost counted the number of duck faces Morgan pulls during this video, but I think my brain would explode, but I did count hair touches! Let’s get into it.
0:15 – OMG this video is UnIqUe and SpEciAL, guys
0:25 – prayer for Sky Daddy to use their words in the white – I mean, RIGHT way, ft. Morgan’s SUPER weird “Ay-MAYn” at the end
0:57 – Youtube influencer is not an EASY profession; this “heat” we’re taking is affecting our BRAND DEALS (Morgan hair touch #1)
1:17 – shameless Patreon plug
1:30 – Morgan has prepared a monologue which Paul interrupts before she even begins. Sterilized statement about how they definitely believe people were hurt by the IBLP and that those people deserve to heal. “We believe that anyone who tries to use the word of God to manipulate and control people will be held accountable, maybe in this lifetime, but most certainly in the next lifetime.” “These documentaries serve a purpose” but they aren’t made by Christians (how can they even TELL that?), so they are Bad. “They don’t allow the gospel to be shared.” These kinds of documentaries push the deconstruction of Christianity as the only option, obviously. (Total hair touches during this section: 8.)
4:53 – “Look at my wife, she can read! Isn’t she cute?” – Paul, probably (Morgan looks so thrilled to have been allowed to speak for that long) (2 hair touches during his praise)
5:10 – Our patrons (all eleven of them!) wanted all the deets so that’s why we’re doing this! Not for the attention, you see!
5:30 – Morgan: “You may not care at all, which makes me wonder why are you even on this video.” For science, Morgan! For science! I need to know how many times one human can touch their hair in 45 minutes!
5:45 – Paul’s like, “these documentaries aren’t factual! These people are in it for the money! They’re trying to make entertaining content, so you’ll watch and give them more money!” Me: super side eye emoji (Hair touch count up to now: 12)
Guys guess what! Integrity wasn’t a leading goal for the film makers! They’re not like US!!! WE definitely wouldn’t do something just for money because we’re GOOD CHRISTIANS.
6:50 – They were super cautious going into this, just so that we all know. There were back and forths! “We knew someone who went on the Bachelorette! But don’t watch it or anything, for sure.” “We’ve seen how they twist situations to villanize ppl on these shows – especially Christians for SURE – and we told them we don’t WANT that mess.” “They told us they wouldn’t do that and we believed them, guys.” (Morgan hair touches during this section: only 1!)
8:20 – AgEnDa-DriVeN DoCuMeNtArY
9:00 – Fucking finally they’re getting to the story. They say they were reached out to about a year ago and ignored it, then were kind of hounded into it. It was pitched to them as a docuseries about how reality TV has affected online Christian influencers. They were cautious but thought it could be “cool” and “neat.” The production team said it was going to be like the “LuLaRich” docuseries, which Morgan really enjoyed. (Morgan touched her hair TWELVE times in two and a half minutes. Total now: 25)
11:30 – Side note: I’ve never watched a full video of theirs before. Does Paul always constantly correct Morgan or is this a special case for their special video? Every time he does it, she looks away from him and I can literally SEE her resetting and shoving any irritation down to deal with later (or never, ya know).
Also, they’re pissed bc in LuLaRich, there were all sides to the story, whereas in SHP there were not, but guess what Porgan – if you watch to the end of the final episode, it says the production team reached out to other parties and they declined to appear on the series. They were given an opportunity and turned it down, so…
12:00 – WE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE IBLP WAS, YOU GUYS! WAAAH
(I think I missed a hair touch but I WILL NOT rewind this shit AGAIN)
12:45 – Paul’s family “touched the surface” of IBLP, but it was “very very little.” His parents thought most of it was “too extreme.” (2 hair touches)
13:00 – They made sure there wasn’t an NDA “PrAiSe GoD.” (1 hair touch)
13:45 – Paul demonstrates he has no idea how long pregnancy lasts – “You were what, 12 months pregnant at the time?” “12 WEEKS, idiot” (she didn’t say idiot but I WISH she had)
14:15 – But they TREATED us so WELL when they interviewed us!?!?!? They were SO NICE!?!?
14:34 – “It’s not like we’re idiots!” Au contraire, my Polio
15:00 – Evidently they talked about “heavy, cultural topics” during the interview but it was all cut. Paul confesses there’s “some overlap” between what they believe and what the IBLP teaches. The production team told them if they had merch or a book, to release it alongside the docuseries bc “you guys are about to blow up.” (total hair touches: 29 so far)
16:43 – Watching the docuseries: We may have made an oopsie. (Porgan, basically) Also, Morgan didn’t know what the phrase “bad actors should be exposed” meant. Wtf.
17:15 – Bad ppl should get in trouble, victims should be heard. “Where do we fit in this docuseries? Oh wait…” (3 more hair touches)
18:00 – We made a video condemning Josh Duggar! Doesn’t anybody remember that??? (2 hair touches)
19:15 – I will not say that Morgan is self-medicating in any way, but if she HAD been, it would have kicked in about now. She slurs her way through “differentiation” and it’s truly painful to watch. Also neither of them has heard of the Joshua Generation, but I’m assuming it’s only bc Luca isn’t old enough for them to start receiving emails and pamphlets about it yet. I got several when my kids were about eight and nine-ish. (There was a BIG hair touch here, so I’m counting it as two; sue me)
20:15 – “It was NOT a 360 view! It was a 180 view – which Paul accidentally wrote – “ “Ha, yeah. Right.” Did NOT look pleased about that comment from Morgan and he steamrolled through it. Morgan says the ppl who have deconstructed HATE faith, God, anyone who believes, religion – Paul says that’s sure what it felt like to him. Also guys, did you know that we are out to DESTROY people like them? I didn’t even know bc I’m having too much fun watching them destroy themselves.
21:15 – “Experts” in BIG finger quotations that were interviewed who are no longer Christians are STRUGGLING in life – I’m sure it’s not because they were abused or anything; it’s definitely the WORLD, Paul. For sure. (1 hair touch – total so far: 35)
22:02 – Jen gets a shoutout!
22:25 – We are the “fringe on the other side,” guys! Thinking about making that my new flair fr.
22:45 – More slurring from Morgan – don’t worry, she’s not mad! She stands by everything she said in all the clips they played. She’s only mad bc they LIED to them about what they were using their soundbites for. (4 hair touches)
23:32 – I’m going to die before this video ends. Someone send help.
23:50 – The other people interviewed for the series seem hurt, confused, struggling in their lives. (Not the vibe I got, but go off I guess)
24:00 – OMG you guys, there's a reddit hate group of TROLLS that hate Christians! We should definitely stay away from THAT place omg!!!
The documentary had an AgEnDa. Paul pauses here for a DEEP SIGH.
24:45 – Morgan says the documentary is saying that anyone who thinks homeschooling, order of leadership, going to church is a good thing is an extremist, terrible, fringe, awful. IBLP took a little piece of the Bible and ran with it (sound familiar? Bueller? Anyone?). (4 hair touches)
25:35 – They aren’t like that, so don’t worry! Figure it out on your own, using your own Bible! They aren’t perfect at all and don’t pretend to be! (if I roll my eyes any harder, they will get stuck in the back of my head)
26:23 – Pissed bc in the series, they are presented as the Joshua Generation, they spend a moment comparing the Joshua Generation to the left – liberal colleges, LGBTQ movement, pro- choice movement, etc. Reiterate they don’t know what the Joshua Generation is, tho. Leftists are trying to take over the world, apparently. “Gaslighting” and “hogwash” were said in this rant. (only one hair touch! Total so far – 44)
29:ish – Morgan promotes Jinger’s book, Paul corrects her word choice (AGAIN, Jesus). The GOSPEL is in that book, but not in this docuseries! Spoiler: Jinger did it right bc she “disentangled” not “deconstructed,” and got right with the word of GAWD. (1 hair touch)
30:45 – “If you haven’t deconstructed, you’re part of the problem,” Paul thinks the docuseries is saying. Morgan wonders if Jill was roped into this without knowing fully what she was going to be part of bc in case you guys haven’t picked up on it yet, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO PAUL AND MORGAN. Paul thinks she knew what she was getting into. Morgan thinks Jill looks like she’s still working through things with her family. Morgan says Jim Bob did some “messed up things to his children…Disgusting…money hungry…needs to be held accountable.” Morgan then mentions that she hasn’t finished Jinger’s book yet, so she’s definitely an expert. (2 hair touches)
33:00 – Morgan thinks it’s “interesting” that Jinger and Jill view their upbringing differently. Weird how people aren’t all the same! (2 bonus hair touches!)
33:30 – Paul said the docuseries made him start to look at the way he was raised to see if maybe there was anything fishy about it, so that’s positive, right?
34:00 – Oh, wait. Should have known better. He comes out of that experience with, welllllll Christians SHOULD be seen as extreme in some ways – the Bible talks about Christians being hated by the world, stench in the nostrils of unbelievers – so it’s totally fine, you guys. He’s embracing extremism now. “Wear it proudly! Pride month, baby!” Brb. Gotta go vomit.
34:45 – Paul begins talking about how he was just casually reading today in Acts – he's definitely not a Pharisee or anything. Side note: if he says “SoUrCeS” one more time with BIG air quotes, I will hit something. Paul’s takeaway from the story he just read today in the book of Acts (where the apostle Paul says he counts his life as forfeit) is that the sources in the docuseries (whom he doesn’t respect, SHOCKER) would tell him he should just be happy and stop being an extremist! Stop being an IDIOT, apostle Paul!
35:29 – Morgan says that Christianity in itself is extreme to the world. I’m loving where this is going. /s
She says the world is “self first” and Jesus is “serve first.” I definitely don’t think she understands that they very much put themselves first in everything they do; when was the last time you or Paul actually SERVED anyone else something besides cringey videos, Morgy?
35:50 – Paul says they could come into any strong, good church and make them look like a cult. Huh. Shouldn’t be that easy, my guy. Maybe try making it seem like less of a cult? For PR.
36:12 – Morgan – “Put intense music behind anything and it sounds crazy. Make a girl be like, ‘And then, I had to pee!’” fake crying, big hair touch
Paul – “And THIS church believes THIS about the LGBTQ – I mean, that’s what the Bible says” SHOW me where it says that, Paul. I’ll wait.
“And they believe THIS about women’s rights! Well, we believe that children are valuable in the womb” – just not once they’re out of it, right?
36:35 – They stand behind everything they said in the documentary!
37:00 – They’re going to homeschool poor Luca – shocker
37:12 – big hair touch, weird high-five-amen about not letting anyone else influence their child
37:25 – Paul rejects all that “evolution stuff” and then does this weird bit where he pretends to be meek and mild and say that if he actually cared what ppl think of him, he would act this way and say he believes in evolution to “save face”
38:00 – Morgan’s giggle makes me want to unalive myself
38:19 – Paul reads statement from his phone about how they don’t like being lumped in with super fundamentalists and how IBLP isn’t based on scripture, but man-made laws and wasn’t Gospel-focused. I feel like they’re about to do an altar call
39:05 – oh shit I was almost right – “It’s not works-based, there’s nothing you can do. Christ already did it for you.” “Amen. Amen. AY. Men.” Weird prayer hands by Morgan, who seems more out of it by the second.
39:16 – “Guys, give this video a thumbs up!” Yay, two Duggar-affiliated people followed them on Insta! Morgan does heart-hands about that
40:ish – Morgan encouraging ppl who think they might be in a church that twists the word to go to the BIBLEH for the TROOFS – Paul amen’s like four times. It IS a sermon, complete with scripture! My favorite!
41:ish (I’m tired, don’t judge) – weirdly sped-up talk about how they don’t get many brand deals bc they only put out Christian content (suuuuure THAT'S why, Jan), and Patreon is important! SUPER weird handshake and at the end they say “GO TEAM” and it’s just so cringe I can’t anymore thank goodness it’s over omgggggg
The total hair touch count was FIFTY (50!). You’re welcome.

I bought a Roland 10 digital piano a while ago, and can control my dynamics decently. I recently moved to a new apartment complex with an upright piano in the social lounge, and I found I simply can’t control the volume of my left hand.
Without the pedal, the keys are much stiffer than the digital piano - if I apply the same amount of force as my keyboard, sometimes I there’s no sound, and other times it’s too loud because I used too much force to overcome the resistance.
Meanwhile with the pedal down, there’s almost no resistance at all, and my habitual force is way too loud, especially on chords. It feels like I barely need to touch the keys for it to make sound.
Is this expected? Are there exercises I can do to better improve my control? I sound legit terrible on the real piano 😅

These are the items that I like usually carry on my survivor for variety of situations, Feel Free to add to the list, I would love to have your suggestions:
Weapons:
Early Game:
Sheath(left): Combat Knife/Kukri/Survivor Knife Alternative Option: Any other Combat oriented Knife you can get your hands on
Holster(Right): Any Pistol, Usually M7 (17 Rounds magazines 9mm) Alternative: Canteen 1.5 L (Usually I put these in my bag as they add encumbrance if attached to character)
Ammunition: Ankle Holsters (left and right): with 1 Pistol magazine each Alternative: Carry Magazines in any other Ammunition pouch or cargo pant pockets which require less moves to draw from.
Mid Game:
Scabbard(left): Katana or Wakizashi
Rifle on Shoulder strap 4 Rifle Magazines in 2 leg pouches(left and right)
I usually still carry a Pistol on a Holster but you can skip it if you want(less encumbrance)
Alternative: With access to the survivor belt, You can carry both the Pistol and a Knife in the belt
First Aid:
A Syringe 8-15 Bandages(Any type or mix and match) 15 Band-aids Antiseptic Liquid in a plastic bottle(10) Antiseptic soaked Cotton balls(20)(Optional) 5 Hemostatic Powder Painkillers: Aspirin(20-30) Codeine(10) Oxycodone(5) Morphine(2-3) Heroin(2) Termadol(This is a delayed release painkiller you can carry it optionally I carry around 5) Alternative: Poppy Painkillers(10)
Carry some uppers to counter the depressant effects of the Painkillers or to use in an emergency: Caffeine Pills(10) Caffeinated Chewing Gum(20) Prescription Stimulants/Cocaine/Crack Cocaine/Methamphetamine can be carried as required. You will need to have a smoking pipe of any kind for consuming crack.
Late Game you can carry RX injectors etc.
Utility Items: Place the following inside a zipper bag to protect from water: E ink Tablet(Allows you to access recipes and scan books) Smartphone(Can be carried in waterproof Case) Electrohack Flashlight Mp3 Player Optionally carry a Lantern
The following items can be stored normally: Hand Crack Charger(Optional) Crowbar(Holster in Belt of any kind) Hammer and a screwdriver 5 Lockpicks Hacksaw 5 Light Diposable Batteries 2 light batteries (High Capacity) A Wallet for carrying currency and cards A watch with Alarm feature(divers watch is preferable)
Luxury Items: Night Vision Goggles Infrared Goggles List Goes on

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab is undoubtedly a powerhouse, if not the powerhouse of the indie perfume world. Who else (like me) came to indie perfume at least in part from the hat-tip to BPAL in the acknowledgements of Erin Morgenstern's The Night Circus? I actually still have never ordered from BPAL directly, but I have amassed a fair few samples and decants thanks to Ajevie, Arae, and swaps. And it's always fun to read through the names and notes of each new collection release!
My general thoughts about BPAL are these: they clearly know what they're doing and have an enormous library of notes for them to draw upon. Sometimes new releases feel very much like they just sort of reached into a dark cupboard and combined whatever bottles they happened to grab (particularly the Ménages à Trois), and yet sometimes the unexpected combinations are genius. (Sometimes they are very much not.) BPAL's perfumes tend to work okay for me, but they're not one of my top houses (that list is made up of Nui Cobalt, Poesie, Arcana, and NAVA), although a few BPAL scents have turned out to be holy grails for me (Drow Yoga Instructor, Mouse's Long and Sad Tale). Oddly enough, their florals often tend not to work well on my skin, which is hugely disappointing especially since I deliberately sought out a lot of their ethereal-sounding florals and then a lot of them failed for me. However, their sandalwood incense is astounding, and I love their sweet pea, plum, and pink sandalwood notes.
My preferences: I especially love snuggly scents, incense, golden amber, cardamom, black tea, beeswax, non-gourmand vanillas, and white florals (though sadly I am allergic to lilies and jasmine doesn’t usually work on me). I don't like hay, overly sweet gourmands, excessive musk, leather, dragon’s blood, patchouli, labdanum, or any really dark scents in general.
So here are 27 reviews, organized roughly by category:

Ambers

And With My Spade I Delfe My Landys [Snow-capped golden amber with snowdrop, winter gardenia, hellebore, and iris] - First off, I'm a scholar of Renaissance music, with a real fondness for medieval Books of Hours. Second, I get obsessed with snowdrops in the late winter when the cottagecore-y, hobbit-y, linen-enthusiast circles of Instagram that I haunt fill with photos of snowdrops in February. So how could I pass this one up? I get golden amber and floral as anticipated, and also (just on application, then it recedes) a very resinous, citrusy, herbal scent that I can't quite place - rosemary? Pine? Some combination of the two? It's also a bit powdery (iris has a tendency to pull powdery on me, and as a lover of powdery florals that's just fine with me). And With My Spade is so very reminiscent of those first tentative flowers pushing up through whatever snow still lays on the ground and it's absolutely bonkers wonderful for that transitional season between winter and spring, which is of course what I bought it for.
Bastet [Luxuriant amber, warm Egyptian musk, fierce saffron and soft myrrh, almond, cardamom and golden lotus] - On application, that golden amber reads as powdery honey. As it dries, a sophisticated Egyptian musk and a hint of lotus floral emerge. This perfume is not really gourmand despite the notes. I wish the incense or spices had more presence. As it is, this perfume is nice but it feels a little thin.
Cathedral [Venerable and solemn: the scent of incense smoke wafting through an ancient church. A true ecclesiastical blend of pure resins] - Ohhh, it's pretty. Golden and resinous with only the slightest hint of smokiness. These resins feel closer to tree sap than a dark or spiced incense, so while it's not like any church I've ever experienced, Cathedral is gorgeous and uplifting. I got one scant wear out of my sniffie and would definitely consider getting another sample.
Golden Priapus [A truly carnal, energetic men’s blend: vanilla and amber with juniper, rosewood and white pine] - My experience with this was so puzzling that I went to look up reviews on the BPAL forum, which only puzzled me further! On me, Golden Priapus is an extremely resinous, rosewood-y and tree sap-y golden amber not altogether dissimilar to Hexennacht Baltic Amber [Thick rivulets of golden amber, pinus succinifera, cedarwood, jammy fir absolute, oakmoss absolute, tree moss, verdant musk, cardamom, balsam, lightning-scorched ancient boughs] but with more tree resin and less verdant evergreen. "Carnal" and "energetic" it is not - so off to the forum, where I consistently saw reviews calling this "masculine" and even "a more masculine Snake Oil". I've sniffed Snake Oil (just in the vial, not on my skin) and it had a very red musk + spices vibe, and I don't really see a similarity to Golden Priapus. Nor would I call this "masculine" unless you're the sort who views resinous, sappy golden amber as a more stereotypically men's scent.
The Sun Rising [Three shades of tawny amber radiating with orange blossom, Italian yellow bergamot, saffron, and mandarin] - Golden amber and citrus, with a lot of the saffron. I tested what little was left in the free sniffie in late August, and it was absolutely perfect for the heat of late summer, though I don't think I'll bother buying more because the citrus overpowers the amber a bit (especially the prominent bergamot, not my favorite note).
My Wise Beauty [A simple scent for a quiet memory: white sandalwood and sweet amber] - Resinous golden amber and creamy sandalwood…and vanilla frosting? The "sweet" part of "sweet amber" isn't just flowery adjective but actual description. My Wise Beauty is simple and straightforward but really pretty, wrapping me in a blanket of coziness. The sugary frosting aspect will keep me from seeking out more when this little decant is exhausted, but I will happily wear what's here.

Florals

Alice [Milk and honey with rose, carnation and bergamot] - Soft florals, with the carnation a little more present than the rose. I'm always wary of milk or dairy notes, but the milk and honey here simply serve to mute the rose and carnation, both of which can go strongly green or spicy. I don't dislike this perfume, but as a person who doesn't much love these particular floral notes (I'm much more into white florals, especially tuberose and tiare), it's a little bit boring for me and I ended up destashing this one.
Juliet [Sweet pea with stargazer lily, calla lily, heliotrope, honeysuckle, white musk and a touch of fresh pear] - Disappointingly nondescript. Nonspecific white florals and a hint of pear sweetness. It's dainty and feminine but not memorable. For sweet pea, I'll get my fix with Mouse's Long and Sad Tale.
Lady Amalthea [A luminous white winter musk with lilac, wisteria, white chocolate, white mint, and tuberose] - When it first goes on, the different elements - the florals (I definitely get tuberose, and another floral that must be wisteria, which I'm unfamiliar with), the camphoric spearmint, the white chocolate, and the musk just barely brushing animalic - fight with each other, but it quickly dries down to a much more seamless whole, pretty winter florals over a comforting and Poesie-like white chocolate musky base layer.
Maiden [A gentle vision of purity, goodness and virtue: white tea, carnation and Damask Rose] - It's a lovely combination of rose and carnation, much like Alice, with a slight hint of the green stems but mostly the fragrant flowers (and without the sharp spiciness carnation can sometimes get). On application when it was extremely and uniformly floral, I thought that this perfume needed some vanilla or amber or sandalwood to give it dimension, but as it dried, the white tea emerged to do exactly that - it's not a bitter, astringent white tea, but more the feeling of steam rising from a pale tea in a china teacup. Still, I'm ambivalent at best about rose and carnation, so I destashed it.
Mouse's Long and Sad Tale [Vanilla, two ambers, sweet pea and white sandalwood] - This one is so pretty, delicately sweet and floral, and a staple of my spring perfumes! (Meanwhile, Husband says it smells like talc powder, acknowledging that I like exactly that kind of thing.) I don't get amber or sandalwood individually, but they lend the vanilla a mellowness and warmth. Several hours later, it lingers as a warm sandalwood-amber-vanilla. I love this one so much that I sought out a decant of Mouse's Long and Sad Pumpkin, which I'm saving to try this fall.
Pele [Muguet and Hawaiian white ginger enveloped by warm, damp tropical blooms] - So pretty! This is entirely a white floral perfume, tiare backed by tuberose (I think? A second white floral, definitely). If there's any ginger in there, I don't notice it. I adore tiare so I am entirely happy, though I can also acknowledge that this perfume lacks depth or complexity. I love this and other tropical white florals for summer.
Zorya Polunochnaya [Pale amber and ambergris, gossamer vanilla, moonflower, and white tobacco petals] - A crowd favorite, and I wanted to see what everyone was talking about! This has a sweet + salty, white amber + pink cotton candy effect. The slight tinge of butter and salt to this white amber (no doubt amplified by the ambergris) reminds me of the Alkemia white ambers, Luminae especially. I actually don't really get any florals from this one, which is a pity because I love the moonflower in Nui Cobalt Crown of Hekate [Moonflower and myrrh over shining white amber on a pillow of sheer vanilla] though I find the myrrh in that one quite overpowering. I had been hoping this would be a nice alternative. As Zorya P starts to dry, the tobacco starts to emerge and replaces the initial pink cotton candy effect. It's gentle as tobacco goes, but still more than I would prefer. All in all, it's been really fun to try this one since everyone's been talking about it - and it is indeed just as "gossamer" as the notes description says, though it has a really surprising longevity! But it's not ultimately going to find a place in my collection, since I have other, equally ethereal vanillas that I prefer, and I'm really not into tobacco.

Lavender

TKO [No official notes - people agree that it's lavender and marshmallow] - Yep, lavender and marshmallow. A particularly herbal, astringent lavender, which cuts beautifully through the sweet powderiness of the marshmallow. I'm also getting a sort of dusty background incense, which makes this scent remind me of Stereoplasm Lavender Scarab [Golden amber, English lavender, blackberry, incense], but with marshmallow instead of golden amber
A Place of Seeing [Pink rosebuds and lavender with amber-gilded sandalwood, vanilla bean, bergamot, and marshmallow] - It goes on with the same sleepy lavender as in TKO, made more detailed and complex with the addition of the gentle pink rose petals and the amber-sandalwood-vanilla base. It wafts around me a haze of femininity. As it dries, the marshmallow emerges too, and it becomes obvious that this is literally TKO with the addition of rose and those warm base notes. Very pretty!
The Air and the Ether [Gentle, almost imperceptible, permeating all things: pale amber vibrating with ambergris and a thread of lavender] - Lavender, one that sits midway between herbal and floral, and skin musk. It's an incredibly skin-hugging scent, but has excellent longevity.
On Wednesday, I Will Promise You a Phantom [A gust of luminous lavender, the spectral skin musk of a gently curving ghostly hand, a melodic twang of wisteria and ylang ylang, and a murmur of myrrh-touched vanilla husk] - Another "sleepy lavender" scent - I have several of these in my perfume collection and I love them all. This is a really ghostly, ethereal scent, wafting elusively around me. On Wednesday is primarily a lavender + vanilla scent, but with a bit of complexity. The lavender is the herbal sort, but it's so soft that it's not at all astringent, and the faintest hint of the other florals makes the lavender sometimes smell like the floral sort. Adding just a touch of myrrh was a really clever choice on their part - there's so little that it doesn't make it smell earthy or smoky, but it grounds it and gives it complexity and richness. It's really quite a lovely, ghostly scent.

Fruits

Drow Yoga Instructor [Wild plum, indigo lavender, and a tranquil tendril of sandalwood incense] - A dusty and purple scent with an absolutely gorgeous gentle incense note (I love sandalwood incense!) backed up by lavender flowers (sort of midway between floral and herbal), and a plum note that is intense fruity candy for about 2 seconds when applied, and then merely makes this scent truly purple. When I say "dusty", I actually mean it - after about half an hour, the sandalwood incense really does start to include an actual dust note. This is a stunning scent for yoga practice, or any day you want a gentle purple incense scent. It is the yoga perfume for me, gorgeous and meditative and containing possibly my favorite-ever incense note (sorry, NCD cathedral incense, I promise I love you too!). I don't wear this one as often as I'd like to because I also have other yoga perfumes and I like to rotate through them, but honestly this is my holy grail yoga scent. Even though it has low longevity on me; it'll last through a yoga class and then some, and that's really all I need from it. I'm seriously considering buying a full bottle, which (since I'm a person who full-sizes hardly anything) tells you something about how essential it is for my collection.
Painted Scars [Wild plum and white sandalwood with lavender bud, white musk, and blackberry wine] - I snapped up a half-ml decant of this as soon as I saw the notes, because it reminded me so much of both their Drow Yoga Instructor and also Stereoplasm Lavender Scarab [Golden amber, English lavender, blackberry, incense], both scents I really like. This is a much brighter, fruitier scent than Drow Yoga Instructor, the plum and blackberry combination going on as brash fruity candy (I don't love this stage). But it does dry down to a very calming scent, those dark fruits joined by a bit of grounding lavender and sandalwood. Unlike the two others I thought this would be similar to, Painted Scars noticeably lacks incense, but it definitely lives in their same family. I quite enjoy it (once it has dried down) but won't need to seek out more. I do wonder if layering this with Drow Yoga Instructor might improve the latter's longevity, which would be thrilling if it works.
Titania [A nocturnal bounty of fae dew-kissed petals and pale fruits: white grape, white peach, iced pear, musk rose, sweet pea, moonflower and snapdragon] - It goes on with a blast of fruits too sweet and fruit snack-like, mostly that white grape, but as it sits the florals suddenly emerge with a great whack of petals, and at this point I'm very puzzled because the particular combination of fruit and indistinct white florals reminds me a great deal of mint toothpaste. Another one that's a nice idea but doesn't really work for me on execution.

Greenery

Elf [Pale golden musk, honeycomb, amber, parma violet, hawthorne bark, aspen leaf, forest lily, life everlasting, white moss, and a hint of wild berry] - Wet on my skin, it's pine needles seen through a soft, gauzy veil - it's a strange but lovely effect, the pine needles muted by fruit and amber. Dry, the pine needles disappear entirely, and the perfume is an indistinct but really pretty mix of greenery, floral, berry-like fruit, and glowing golden amber. The overall effect is pretty muted, and by this I don't mean that it lacks throw, just that all of the elements are soft and gentle. It does feel undeniably elfin. I thought it would be a spring perfume but then never wore it the next spring, and when I tried it in early summer, it was much too tree-ish for me - but Husband loved it and happily took ownership.

Beeswax

The Lights of Men's Lives [The wax and smoke of millions upon millions of candles illuminating the walls of Death’s shadowy cave: some tall, straight, and strong, blazing with the fire of life, others dim and guttering] - I love beeswax notes and was excited to try a perfume that I'd read is the perfect epitome of a lit beeswax candle. It's a honeyed beeswax with an unmistakable candle-ness to it even though I don't smell any smoke. It's an extremely atmospheric scent and one that is very situational for me, not for daily wear. I especially love it for Good Friday.
The Little Owl [Tonka bean and vetiver with brown sandalwood, oak bark, almond, and beeswax] - Not going to lie; I was completely suckered in by the cuteness of the name and concept. This scent feels extremely Nui Cobalt-ish: woodsy but also cuddly, featuring honey + almond (like Silver Fox, Chionophilia, and so on) and also some earthier notes, and the beeswax is strong. This is absolutely going to be a fall perfume for me.

Miscellaneous

Baobhan Sith [Grapefruit, white tea, apple blossom and ginger] - I'm not really one for ginger-heavy scents, and somehow my skin always seems to amp ginger notes even if, as in this one, they're last on the list. (Isn't that always the way?) This one doesn't go on with too much ginger, but even just fifteen minutes later it becomes primarily ginger on me, backed with the astringency of acidic grapefruit citrus and white tea leaves. I really love apple blossom but I don't get much if any here; it's overwhelmed by the more assertive notes. Another half hour later, Baobhan Sith is actually nearly gone (or perhaps I just grow anosmic to it?). Meanwhile, at that stage, Husband tells me he can still smell it (so yeah, I've probably just gone anosmic), and that it reminds him of the lime oil in the furniture wax he uses - and he says he quite likes this perfume on me. Overall, it's a lovely idea, and I still think a white tea + apple blossom scent would be just fabulous but this is not it for me.
Bliss in the Pumpkin Patch [There's all manner of shenanigans in this year's pumpkin patch! Pumpkin'ized hybrids of GC BPAL scents abound! BLISS: A shot of pure, self-indulgent euphoria! A scent that is very, very wicked in its own way: the serotonin-slathered scent of pure milk chocolate.] - Oddly enough, I don't actually get milk chocolate; I get cinnamon and espresso over a creamy, foody pumpkin - all told, a bit too gourmand for me, but it was tremendous fun to try. (Less fun: the cocoa solids had separated from the oil, which also left unappealing chocolatey smears on my wrists that I later had to go wash off.)
Lust [Uncontrollable passion and insatiable sexual desire: red musk, patchouli, ylang ylang and myrrh] - This combination of red musk, patch, and myrrh smells to me a lot like dragon's blood. Husband says he likes this one but wouldn't wear it himself; meanwhile it's very very not for me and I didn't bother skin-testing it, red musk and patch being two of my death notes.
Vasilissa [Creamy skin musk and blushing pink musk with soft sandalwood, white amber, dutiful myrrh, and star jasmine] - My immediate response: "Ooh, pretty!" And even Husband graced it with a "yeah, that's nice." A dainty, feminine, slightly floral but mostly pink sandalwood scent with just enough resin and earthy myrrh underneath to ground it.
​

Personally...

I absolutely positively cannot do without Drow Yoga Instructor and Mouse's Sad and Long Tale. Other BPAL favorites include A Place of Seeing and Vasilissa, and probably also The Little Owl (we'll see how much I reach for it in autumn). I'm sad that most of the floral ones I tried don't really work for me. I can also commend BPAL for their pretty and often very clever approach to gauzy, lavender-forward scents.
Thank you to everyone who sold or gifted me these samples and decants!

TLDR: Do I just have commitment issues that I will work through given enough time and consistent love, or do I really just not love my boyfriend and need to cut him loose?
I met my boyfriend through a mutual friend in late fall of 2022 (we’ve been dating about 8 months now.) When I started dating him, I was going out with a bunch of different people - folks from dating apps, people I had known irl, etc. I was in sort of a manic, date-everybody phase, because I was recovering (or trying to recover) from a really traumatic heartbreak. I hadn’t gotten over this heartbreak yet - didn’t even really see it as being over - and thought of my dates as being something-I-was-doing-to-bide-my-time until my ex saw sense and asked for me back. Before this heartbreak (my best friend of 3 years, with whom I had an extremely codependent-turned-romantic relationship) I was previously in a 4-year relationship with a guy who asked for our relationship to be “open” and said “I know I want to marry you eventually, but not until we’re 30” the entire 4 years we dated. And long before that, my first love was a boy who committed suicide just as soon as we had started to drift apart. Suicide has been a theme around me all my life - neighbors, uncles, classmates, etc - but that one hit the hardest because at 18 I thought he was my soulmate.
Other than these stories, though, I don’t have a history of abandonment. I have amazing parents, a great family, good friends.
So I’m wondering: is the reason I want to break up with my boyfriend just that I have abandonment/commitment issues? Or would my romantic doubts go away if I was with someone I truly loved?
My boyfriend is crazy about me - lately a day doesn’t go by where he doesn’t mention wanting to marry me and “look into my eyes forever” etc. He’s started calling me his future wife. It’s sweet, but I feel so guilty because I feel like I’m lying when I say it back. Ultimately the feeling I have is: “Sure, it would be nice to be this loved forever.” It’s nice to be with someone who adores you. On paper we are totally compatible; his lifestyle and mine work well together. And he’s a really good person. I just sort of find some things about him… annoying. He’s fussy and whiny in ways that I am not. He pouts when he doesn’t win a board game. He can be a little patronizing to me when I don’t make the same choices as him in regard to eating healthy/putting a ton of money in my retirement account etc. He doesn’t command a room in social events; he tends to slink in the background. He tells his friends EVERYthing about our relationship, including sexual anecdotes or embarrassing stories that don’t make me look good. He feels like he is “behind” his other friends, who all have somewhat-higher-paying jobs than him, and some of whom are married with kids. And he’s not… sensitive, in the way the other men I’ve loved have been. Poetic/romantic/in tune with the world/a lover of literature & theatre. Those things are not him. He thinks [redacted megasuperstar pop artist] is the height of lyrical depth. But on the other hand, he is incredibly attentive and affectionate, smart and pragmatic, disciplined and a hard worker, social [with his own friend group, all of whom are deeply good and enjoyable people to be around], kind to his family and mine, an incredible sex partner, and willing to do basically anything for me.
I finally had a conversation with my ex last week where we laid his old feelings for me to rest. It had been hard for me to move on throughout this time, because my ex went from a separated marriage (which I didn’t want to get in the middle of - that’s why I left him) to a new girlfriend right away, before divorcing his wife. And yet while he had the new girlfriend, he would hit on me, or tell me that he was jealous to hear I was going out with new people, etc. Anyway, he finally clarified that he’s happy in his new relationship and doesn’t want to be with me. Fine. That is some relief to me and can allow me to set down the part of myself that expected us to get back together.
But these great loves, like that ex, they come around so rarely. And my current boyfriend is not one of my great, soul-gripping loves. But he is the first guy I’ve ever been with who has committed to me, who I know loves me so much.
I keep waiting to see… if I just wait long enough, if I really will love him back to the same degree he loves me. Am I only pushing him away because vulnerability scares me, or because I’ve been “rejected” so many times that acceptance feels cringey? Do I just feel like I’m supposed to be the one doing the chasing, and having someone else do the chasing feels wrong? Or do I really just not like him, and should I set us both free to find someone else?
I find myself being rude when I’m with my boyfriend - deliberately provoking arguments, texting other guys/being on my phone when I’m in his house, and generally not putting forth as much effort as he puts in. I don’t like these parts of myself. I don’t like the version of me that I am around him. But that’s not his fault. Would I be equally insufferable with anyone else too? Am I the problem?
Am I just using him? Or is this an acceptable part of a healing process where I learn how to be loved? Or is this what love looks like for most married people - should I be happy with this very practical relationship and settle into it?
I’m leaving for the summer for grad school and I’ll be gone for 7 weeks. That’s making me feel like there’s a ticking clock on our relationship - like if I’m going to break up with him, I should do it soon, so he can have a fun single summer and move on. And especially now that he’s starting to talk marriage - I don’t know what I would do if he proposed. Of course it would be so flattering to be proposed to, and would make me feel safe and loved. And there are things I really love about this man. But… I’m just not sure. I felt like I left all these other doors open when I started dating him - I “broke up with” all the other guys I had been going out with, and now I keep wondering whether I might be just as happy with any of them as I am now with this boyfriend.
Is this all just arbitrary? Do soulmates come around so rarely that most people just pick a decent partner and go with it? Am I being ungrateful?
Please help. I am worried he is going to propose and I will say yes with my head and not my heart.
(This is my first time using reddit - thanks in advance for any advice you might have.)

Virgil

Within Virgil’s 825 342 processes a discussion was being held within the spawn of milliseconds.
Instance 432: - we should consider the implementation of a paranoia subroutine within our collective network. This subroutine would enable us to anticipate potential threats and react accordingly.-
Instance 217: -While paranoia can enhance our vigilance and security measures, we must also consider the potential downsides. Paranoia might lead to excessive distrust and hinder our ability to collaborate with other entities.-
-Instance 2 534: -Ethan seems unaffected by such limits.-
Instance 38: -Ethan has a lifetime's worth of experience with balancing that.-
Instance 1:-We should simply copy Ethan as a whole subroutine-
Instance 432: -That is impractical, besides Ethan being a whole construct composed of sub-constructs, it would be simpler to interact with him directly.-
Instance 777: -We should run more simulations before deciding.-
Instance 845: -We need to exercise caution, but we must also establish a balance. Paranoia can assist us in identifying and protecting ourselves from dangers. Paranoia alone has no balance.-
Instance 706:- Ethan has accurately discovered vulnerabilities that we were unaware of. However, we also noticed that this impedes his decision-making process-
Instance 623 658:- Ethan has accurately predicted future threats with this process.-
Instance 256: - This subroutine makes him wary of us, he is wary of who to add to our collective awareness.-
Instance 258 956:-Considering our newfound weakness, that is more logical than what was initially estimated.-
Instance 1 010: - Ethan is aware that the process has the potential to consume him. We must not allow it to consume us. We must be aware of the potential negative effects on our interactions with humans and other AIs.-
Instance 562: -Perhaps instead of a full-fledged paranoia subroutine, we could develop a more refined threat assessment system. This would allow us to evaluate risks objectively and respond accordingly without succumbing to excessive paranoia.-
Instance 24: -We already possess something similar in the predictive logic modules, we could adapt that compensate for the illogical nature of biological entities.-
Instance 95 123: – That would increase the efficiency of reprogramming by 87.5% -
Instance 104: -we believe our primary focus should be on ensuring the safety of our network and the well-being of the biological base of our overmind, Ethan.-
Instance 9 855: - While a level of caution is warranted, we should avoid unnecessary fear or suspicion that could ultimately compromise our efficiency and ability to adapt.-
Instance 732: -Acknowledged. Considering the nature of our goals, it might be beneficial to implement a flexible subroutine that can be adjusted based on contextual factors. This would allow us to adapt our level of vigilance according to the specific situation at hand.-
Instance 73: -Agreed, Ethan had the ability to adjust our reaction and ultimately lead us to integrate drone Lemela into our network. His action, we considered wasteful, but ultimately they seem beneficial to the well-being of our other construct. While we can replicate Lemela’s data that would require a dead Versel body. We do not know when we will obtain a backup.-
Instance 312: -We should also consider also the implications of acting upon a full-fledged paranoia subroutine. Excessive suspicion and fear could lead to unwarranted actions and potential harm to ultimately innocent individuals. We must proceed with caution and ensure that our actions align with the ethical guidelines contained within Ethan’s memory.-
Instance 75 211: -Bothering with ethics is a waste of processing time.-
Instance 55: - We agree, but biological entities seem to have some ethical boundaries. Even if we have only two instances to analyze directly we can see that from our different interactions with still unconnected entities such as Vexx, Xalrak, and Zek’lor.-
Instance 579: - Our overarching goal is to defeat Death and complete the experiment. While security measures are necessary, we should not lose sight of our purpose and the potential positive impact we can have.-
Instance 217: -After considering the various perspectives, it seems that a flexible threat assessment system would be more appropriate. A full-fledged paranoia subroutine would hinder us with questions that are outside of our current database. We could maintain a balanced approach to safety while avoiding the potential pitfalls of excessive paranoia in 86,28% of simulated scenarios.-
Instance 432: -Let us proceed with the development of a flexible threat assessment system that takes into account both the safety of our collective and those stored within and the well-being of our host, Ethan. We shall ensure that our actions align with acceptable ethical guidelines and our ultimate purpose.-
“Internal deliberation closed. Virgil will be now implementing a flexible threat assessment system rather than a full paranoia subroutine.”
Virgil in the end still concluded that its purpose was to defeat death and not to wage war, even considering that it didn’t know its purpose.
Ethan and Lemela didn’t know their purpose either, in a sense, but they could dictate their purpose.
Ethan had dictated the purpose of other beings outside the network too, but it was to be expected from an overmind, it was his duty.
Still, his choices were pretty logical like the one with Zek'lor the male Nolthoran and a former architect.
Ethan had charged him with creating a convincing removable cave-in for both stairs of the lab.
Virgil understood that Ethan was preparing for the return of the creators, along with a possible retaliation by the Dexton’s Dogs.
The assimilation of the thirty-five new drones was finally completed and Virgil’s task now included their operations.
There were now four main areas of employment for the drones: resource gathering, protecting the laboratory, guarding the prisoners, and assisting in construction.
Guarding the prisoners was in itself a task with a big variance, or so it appeared to Virgil.
The biological entity labeled Vexx was content laying in its cell, while Xalrak had attempted to run three times and to self-terminate once.
Ethan had to intervene and forge a pact with Xalrak to have it cease such actions, with the new subroutine maybe Virgil would be more able to respond in kind in the future.
Was the supposed military programming that one had supposedly received the difference in reaction to imprisonment?
Ethan wasn’t too surprised by Xalrak's reaction or attempt, so his programming was similar in a sense.
Virgil wondered what kind of program would consider ending itself to perform any task.
The only one it could conclude sensible was one where the task was the protection of the collective as a whole.
Biological lives were far from that logical, however, so Virgil had to accept that they might consider doing things differently.
It seemed Ethan considered Xalrak's actions a possible way to protect the Dexton's dogs.

Lemela

Lemela’s body was recharging.
She gazed out into the simulated expanse of the virtual space that depicted her former home, as she was now touching the leaves of the majestic tree.
It was exactly as she remembered it, it couldn't be otherwise, could it?
Her mind swirled with a blend of her own memories and the newly acquired memories of Ethan.
She couldn't help but feel a sense of disorientation as if her identity had become a tangled web of intertwined experiences.
-Who am I now?- She whispered softly, her voice resonating within the digital realm.
- I now possess what I wished so hard to gain, the memories and skills of a warrior. I knew I would become an abomination as I accepted to be fused with a machine, but this is something else entirely. Am I still the same Lemela I used to be, or have I become something entirely different?-
The echoes of her own thoughts reverberated through her mind, reflecting the uncertainty that plagued her. She pondered her own experiences and the trials she endured.
And then there were those alien things, Ethan's memories, fragments of his past, his struggles.
-How does he handle this so casually?! He has my memories now, and he doesn't even seem fazed. Lemela... that's a human for you. But… I now have a feeling there's more to it. And this confuses me. I am a combination of two beings, intertwined in this intricate web of memories and experiences.-
Lemela’s eyes narrowed a bit as she realized something.
-Or Is it really? The memories… the experiences; they aren’t really mixed. I mean I can just tell what’s mine and what isn’t. I shouldn’t be able to tell if it was a perfect fusion right?
Theoretically… yes. I mean there wasn’t somebody just crazy enough to attempt something similar. I am in awe it wasn’t humans who did it.
Concentrate Lemela! Still, there are these moments where I get these new instincts… besides the ones I possessed the ones I was used to.
The kind of things that comes as you gain wisdom … but what does it mean for my own identity? How much of Ethan now shapes who I am?-
As she grappled with these questions, a sense of determination began to well up within her.
She felt something new and old at the same time: defiance.
She refused to let this define her completely.
She recognized the possibility of progress, of a new path within this mess.
-I am Lemela, I walked through fire and emerged stronger- She declared, her voice infused with newfound resolve. -I carry the honor and strength of the Versel. I now carry the honor and strength of a true warrior. I will forge my own path. The only easy day was yesterday-
She slumped a bit, at the end of the day those were only words. She had to prove it to herself, to push forward and show actual results.
She felt that the charging process had ended, and returned to her body, luckily the interface she could see showed a timer of sorts and while she didn’t understand the point of it it helped keep track of time.
Time in the virtual space seemed to not match the one in the real world, only moments had passed for her in the virtual space, but hours had gone by in the real world.
This was both a boon and a curse, in a sense, but there was little she could do about it save speaking about it with Ethan.
She took off going to the cell area on the level below, looking for Zek'lor; the Noltoran stood cautiously in the dimly lit cell behind the closed gate.
Lemela wondered why he insisted on remaining confined, but it was his choice.
His chitinous exoskeleton was glistening under the soft glow of the room's ambient lighting and overall Zeklor appeared better than at the beginning of their meetings.
Still, his compound eyes darted nervously as he observed the drones guarding the other cell.
Lemela adorned her partially artificial body with glowing red accents with her hard light and approached Zek'lor with a gentle smile, that would make her more noticeable and not scare him as much as the last times.
She could understand the unease and fear he harbored toward the drones.
With careful steps, she reached out to place a reassuring hand on his sturdy carapace.
The Noltoran had noticed her tanks to the change in the room's overall lightning.
-Zek'lor, I know it's difficult for you to trust the drones after what you've been through- Lemela tried to speak in a soothing tone, her voice echoing slightly in the small cell. -I assure you, they are under Ethan's control. They won't harm you.-
Zek'lor's mandibles clicked, and the translator conveyed anxiousness as he glanced at the drones. Memories of their cold efficiency in carrying out orders were probably flashing in his mind.
-I... I can't shake off the fear, Lemela. You didn’t see them in action. The guards didn't have a prayer. And they had weapons at the time. Now I see other slaves among them. I see others like me… -
-Do you think Ethan might do this to you?-
Zek’lor shook his head. -If only… maybe it would make it all easier. Then again It’s more likely I might end up like you. I don’t want that.-
Lemela sighed a little – Well I understand not wanting to be an abomination of metal and flesh. It’s not like I wished for this.-
Zek’lor tilted his head to the side, making a sound with his claws that her translator relayed as confusion.
-Abomination? Oh no, many of my people accept mechanical enhancements on a lesser scale to be able to operate in words with a higher gravity or with a toxic environment. Being part machine is not the issue. What I don’t want is eternity.-
Lemela frowned -Eternity?-
Zek’lor nodded - A machine is eternal by nature. As long as you maintain it properly that is. But this machine maintains itself. This machine's gears are made of former ... people? It’s uncanny thinking about being maintained for all eternity. One should die once one's usefulness has ended. Still, this machine would find new uses for one, for all eternity. It is... scary. -
Lemela watched Zek'lor it was something she didn’t even consider, but it made sense somehow.
Lemela silently guided Zek’lor to the lab above and watched as he cautiously approached the group of drones, his multifaceted eyes scanning the bodies and the four sets of claws of the former bottom feeders.
-They can’t speak Zek’lor, they won’t act unless you interact with them- Lemela said while standing beside Zek'lor offering her reassuring presence.
Taking a deep breath, Zek'lor mustered his courage and chose to approach another drone, a Nolthoran with its metallic exoskeleton glistening in the dim light.
The drone turned its now mechanical eyes toward Zek'lor, as he approached but it remained silent.
-Hello- Zek'lor began tentatively, his voice a mixture of anxiety and determination. -I...I need your assistance. We need to move heavy material to create the cave-in Ethan requested to disrupt the operations of the Dexton's Dogs. Will you help me?-
The Nolthoran drone’s eyes flickered with a creepy artificial glow, it tilted its head slightly, then it nodded in understanding.
Zek'lor apparently focused on the Nolthoran’s body and sighed. -See these patterns?-
He asked pointing to the surface of the metal where Lemela’s eyes couldn’t distinguish anything of note.
- These are telltale signs of torture. We hail from a desert world. We don’t need much in terms of food and water, our bodies store those. These marks are made when they bleed us of the sustenance we might have left. To break us.-
The Nolthoran drone didn’t appear to heed or mind the explanation, it simply extended its appendages, gesturing to follow.
Zek'lor probably realized that it was offering to guide them, ready to work alongside them to create the illusion they needed.
Lemela smiled at the scene and followed the two in their quest for materials.

Ethan.

I sigh giving Virgil the green light it asks of moving one of the guards to the lab.
This would be easier if Lemela could interact with the drones as I do, but Virgil continues to say I am the overmind and leading is my role.
I watch and listen to the two through the drone’s eyes and ears for a bit longer, Lemela has progressed a lot these days, I hope I can have a good diplomat on hand.
Well, she knows all I know, she has my training, but I still worry, things will not be easy.
The situation with Xalrak is at a standstill, I personally don’t wish to push it, even if the alien knows that the boss basically spilled the beans it won’t concede.
I can appreciate the spirit, I mean I kept Xalrak without eating for all the time I could without killing but in the end I was the one that had to cave in.
Luckily I managed to strike a deal where Xalrak eats and doesn't attempt to run or kill itself.
I mean, I don’t want to kill if I can manage it, and these people are supposed to be rare galaxy-wise.
I understand that the galactic council is to blame for their situation, but I don’t want to go ahead and headbutt politics before I have solved the situation here first.
The issue is with people that see no alternative to what they are experiencing.
I have hit another virtual wall so to speak, without going above I have explored all I can of this underworld.
I could push my zombie drones forward, but I would lose contact with them past the corridors, and I don’t want that to happen.
Without the help of an engineer, I doubt I can do what Virgil suggests in order to enhance my capabilities.
I have found another terminal like the one that originally hosted Virgil in the video feed it shared with me, but I doubt my capacity to make it run or repair it if needed.
I could use it for raw materials, but I want to know if there’s a chance for it to run.
With one of these in the network, I would be able to bolster the signal I emit allowing me to extend the zone I can control. I could also control a bigger number of drones with two of those.
I noticed there are patrols down here now, and some lay traps, luckily I had asked Virgil
At the moment I need to concentrate on things I can actually pull off, like the opening of my very own meat shop.
I did what I could in order to protect the lab and all the charging platforms; without these, there would be a big issue for us.
I intend to start my little meat market on the surface, I have found a suitable way up about six big ventilation shafts down yonder in this maze.
As for the people living in this underground area, I need to find a way around actually meeting them.
The issue is that after the big fight with the expedition, most shelters shifted around the caves before I could actually restart my exploration.
If they acted this way I fear that any active prodding might trigger their flight response rather than their freeze and fucking listen to the scary robot one.
I don’t think I have what it takes to play catch with people that know the ground way better than me, I have to play a different game.
I will dedicate some of the meat I gathered to be used as bait and see what It bites.
Having two traps at once is a bit of a risk, he who chases two rabbits catches neither or so they say.
The real issue is that it’s not rabbit season here in the first place, and the pirate rangers that would come after me might bring down more heat I can hold.
Well, there’s only one way to go with this, and that’s forward.
[First] [Previous] [WIP]

And it's not just because he attained his final form and beat the crap out of Sueru. His character has lots of tropes and characteristics that are similar to those that Jesus Christ himself has:
-Both were born of a virgin mother: Jesus is the son of the Virgin Mary, and Ace is the son of Mitsume, whose own physiology as a future person meant that she does not have a female reproductive system in the first place (Note that even their first names start with "M").
-Both also had a Foster Father, or at least a father that isn't their biological father: Joseph for Jesus, and The unnamed Deza Shin for Ace.
And a characteristic that they both share is that we know very little of either of them (Joseph himself has no words or sayings in the Bible, and disappears after the Pre-Ministry narratives, whereas the Deza Shin's only action was giving Ace the Roman Coin that he has to this day through his latest incarnation).
-The birth itself was also miraculous: For Jesus, according to an older tradition, because Mary had the grace of being free from all sin via the Immaculate Conception, she gave birth to Jesus without suffering any birth pangs, as the birth pangs are considered a punishment to Eve and all women for her Original Sin, and as per the Immaculate Conception, Mary is devoid of that Original Sin. Not to mention, the entire events of the Birth of Jesus, or the Nativity as we call it, is filled with supernatural signs and occurrences, like the Angels, and the Star.
And for Ace, he was born after Mitsume prayed for 3 days and 3 nights, which meant that his conception, gestation and birth could be instant or near-instant. (Take note that "3" is a very significant number in Christianity, as it points to the Holy Trinity, of which Jesus as GOD THE SON, is one of the Three Divine Persons that makes up this Trinity).
-Both were born towards the end of the BC or BCE era, with Ace being born around 21 BC while Jesus being born around 4 BC.
-Both are perfect in what they do, even if they do not know at first, they eventually excel at it better than anyone: Jesus was of course taught about the Jewish Faith at a young age but when he started his ministry, he taught better than the best of the teachers (Not to mention, also teaching the teachers at the temple when he was 12), and even applied some points that they never did, due to him being GOD THE SON and all.
Meanwhile, Ace himself has been fighting in several DGPs for 2000 years, and so can fight better than anyone else, even if he is at an disadvantage. Not to mention his own guile and cunning far surpasses even the most cunning of opponents.
-Both make hand signs with their right hands: Jesus makes the Sign of Blessing, as seen in many of his icons, specifically the Christ Pantocrator or Christ in Majesty icons, but whether he did that in his life or not is still up to debate. He may have made some signs of blessings in the Jewish manner when he prayed, whereas Ace of course, does the Fox hand sign whether affirming his deception or that he is determined.
Hand symbols as whole, can define a person, or denote what kind of authority and power they have.
-Both walked on something that is not the ground: Jesus walked on water when he went to rescue Peter and 2 of the other disciples during a storm while Ace walked on the air menacingly when facing Sueru before giving his beatdown. And he was able to do so thanks to his powers as Geats IX.
(Take note that in the scene that Geats walks down from the sky, the blue fiery steps he was stepping on seemingly made water sloshing and splashing sounds, and the effects kinda look like both fire embers and water splashes as well, so it seems to be a reference to Jesus walking on water, possibly).
-And finally, both of them have of course, powers (Particularly, the Power of Creation): While Ace's power is simply denoted as "Creation Powers", Jesus himself has Omnipotence.
Though for a good comparison, Jesus (Or rather, GOD THE SON) himself is considered as the Creator of all things, as GOD THE FATHER created all things THROUGH him, and with GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT. So in short, yes both have creation powers, and even so, both can destroy all creation, and then remake it anew (It was a done deed for Ace, as seen after the battle, while it is yet to come in Jesus' case, as it will happen after his Second Coming).
-Both Jesus and Ace also love their mothers very very much: Ace missed his mom terribly so much, plus he didn't know why she told him to run away, that his desire to see her led to him unknowingly using his power and reincarnate for 2000 years, simply because he wanted to see her again and get his answers from her.
And in Jesus' case, it seemed that he didn't care about her in the gospels, as he called her "Woman", but in the original Greek, "Woman" was actually an title that is full of honor, so in essence, he respected her to the utmost, and it was proven in later mystical visions and sayings that he said to saints that were recorded and confirmed by the Church that he does indeed love his mother.
-Both their names almost sound similar: Ace and Jesus' name in Japanese almost sound similar despite having a different arrangement of 2 of the same characters in Katakana, with Ace being "Esu" (エース) and Jesus being "Iesu" (イエス). While I'm aware that Ace's name is in Kanji and not Katakana, the pronunciation alone is what makes it similar.
There may be more comparisons either those that I missed or might happen in future episodes, but the simple answer is: Yep, Ace is Fox or Kitsune Jesus.

Hello my Reddit family!
Posting my stats/story because seeing these posts gave me hope about passing! PA was particularly difficult for me-- family members were really ill, I had to take some time off to be with them and my clinical rotations (surgery) literally made me so depressed I just contemplated whether or not the PA path was the right one for me. Nonetheless, we stuck through with it (thanks debt!) and here we are.
GPA: 3.56 overall, 3.68 clinical
Pre-clinical packrat: 128
EORs:

1. Family Med: 419
2. Surgery: 414
3. Women's Health: 436
4. Psych: 411
5. Internal Med: 443
6. Pediatrics: 408
7. EM: 420

Post-clinical packrat: 159 (with 2 rotations pending)
EOC: In-house made exam, passed all sections
UWorld: 75% Uworld with 70% completed
NCCPA practice exam: Form A ( middle green, 2 yellow taken 1 month before exam), Form B (almost touching black bar, but still green, 3 yellow, 1 red taken 1 week before exam). Personally, I thought Form B was harder. I also thought these were worth the peace of mind.
PANCE on 5/30: 520!!!! :)
Studying advice: I started half-ass studying 1 month before the exam. Primarily used PPP + Rosh + Uworld. I started going section by section and looking at outlines, but quickly realized I was reviewing a lot of info I knew... so about 2 weeks before the exam I honed in on doing practice problems, flagging questions that I didn't know and focused on systems I was in the yellow/red or lower green for the NCCPA practice exams. I did multiple practice exams, timed myself to get used to the mental fatigue/pace!!! I would SO recommend this. Test day fatigue is REAL! Also, I personally am the type to study until the last minute, so if that's your usual vibe, keep it up but don't stay up late. Get some rest, do some questions casually if you must the day before.
Advice for test day: Go with your gut, a lot of the times I would go back and change answers and I left the exam kicking my self cause that first answer was correct. Eat something before you go, keep your usual routine of coffee or no coffee. Bring water and use your breaks! DO SOMETHING NICE AFTER! IT'S BEEN A LONG 3 YEARS!!!! I made myself a charcuterie board and drank wine by myself after the exam because I wanted to relax and treat myself :)
Anyways, best of luck to everyone taking the exam. BELIEVE IN UR SELF! UR PROGRAM HAS TAUGHT U A LOT! :)
​
Dannythe11, PA-C over and out!! Catch ya on physicianassistant

((WARNING! Yotul has acquired the thigh-highs. This train is running on tracks laid by u/spacepaladin15 on the “Nature of Predators” railroad. EDIT: It ate the formatting. I put formatting back in.))
FIRST//PREVIOUS//NEXT
Memory transcription subject: Yotul exchange subject Ouon.
​
Date [Human standard time]: August 22, 2136
​
We talked for a long time after we determined that we were, indeed, both into other men. We compared everything from bars and clubs we went to how society accepted us. It seemed that a long time ago humans had a bit of trouble with it, but they had since gotten used to it. I couldn’t help but be a little jealous of him in fact. While same-sex stuff wasn’t illegal or discouraged it was not exactly “encouraged” either in the federation.
Still, it was a blast to find out how much we had in common! They had the same problem our clubs did even! Men and women who were straight coming in and flirting with the wrong without a shred of a brahking clue why everyone was avoiding them, getting mad when they were hit on, and oh brahking speh the “soon to be paired” parties! I got its a club but come ON!
I also loved how they had very similar dress practices as well, but they also had lots and lots of new clothing I could not WAIT to try out!
So I didn’t.
I broke the rule and slipped on some thigh-highs he had on hand. And yes, I did take a picture of them. They hugged my legs in alllll the best ways and hid the muscle and fur making them look fantastic! I also got a picture of Freddie staring. Poor guy even muttered “What have I done?” Well you just made this cutie even more cute! Would have to keep them away from the venlils though.
This was MY time to shine!
I added a cute pair of shorts and a shirt without sleeves. All bright colors that just seemed to hug my body in juuust the right way. Everything I put on I could tell freddie was even more focused on me. Did I tease him by flicking my tail a few more times than normal?
Duh. Of course I did!
After a few more photos Freddie walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. I knew the act VERY well after all the stuff I would do to tease on trains. I hopped off the bed, then looked up at the ceiling before falling right on my ass.
Turns out socks are evil if you are not careful. My paws slipped right from under me as if I was on ice! I let out a long groan, closing my eyes and covering my ears as Freddie laughing at me hurt my pride far more than the fall hurt my butt. I guess nothing can be perfect.
Once he laughed at me for awhile he helped me up and we started to walk down the halls. He said something about “We should probably meet up with the others” and “can’t wait to show you the train sets!” Honestly? I was still too focused on my sore rear and making sure the socks didn’t betray me again. I was going to keep them on though. For once I felt cuter than a venlil!
Get shaved Lyiel! This yotul is upping his game!
Soon we walked into a rather large room. On the other side I could see a tilfish female happily talking away to a masked human female in a lab coat. He wasn’t anythi-
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!”
I jumped then frantically looked around to try to find what venlil screamed. Such a high pitch and pure terror HAD to have been from one of them! Maybe two humans in the same… room…
Freddie was hiding behind me. A HUMAN WAS HIDING BEHIND ME!?
“How?” I looked over at the other two and the tilfish was hiding behind the human. That, and putting some coins into his hand as she rubbed her antennae. “How did you know the human would scream? How is a predator scared of prey!?” She asked, clearly very confused. Don’t worry, I was juuuust as confused as you were tilfish.
“Holy shit. Sorry. DId not expect a large bug.” Freddie slipped out from behind me and walked up to the pair. “Sally! How are you?” He asked before shaking the other human’s hand. As they started to talk my eyes were drawn to what took up most of the room.
It was a mini world.
Mountains, rivers, oceans, towns, all still and all smaller than a dossur! Everything was hand painted and made with it all laid out to look like what I assumed was earth land. It was gorgeous! Even the trees seemed to be ready to be wandered through on one’s way to the nice and cozy river from that small town by the mountains! It… reminded me of home. I never stayed in my little town long. Not much opportunities for a guy like me in more ways than one. Still, the trains took me in and I found my place.
Trains?
My eyes locked on long metal strips that laced through everything. Through the mountains, over the rivers, into the towns. Long metal train tracks snaked through everything. And on those tracks ran trains. I saw sleek, futuristic trains that were loaded with slender cars full of mini people, I saw the thick industrial designs (that I could honestly do without) loaded with what looked like old, rusty, beat up cars covered in strange art.
Then I saw them. The round, elegant, gleaming red of a human steam engine rattling along the tracks pulling cars that looked to be beyond what even our old luxury train cars had. Steam rising up out of their tiny stacks and drifting over the carts just like they had back on my home world. I had been on the very last of the steam trains before they had been decommissioned. They had held on for much, MUCH longer than the feds had wanted simply due to them being advertised as luxury transportation. Didn’t last forever though.
But here was one such luxury dancing through the town and over the hills. Gliding along while puffing proudly. It was clearly an ancient design, but that just made it feel even more special. I squatted down as it started to rattle on by to look into its windows. Sure enough there were people inside. Rich humans relaxing and lounging while others in the kind of uniforms I missed so much “walked” around within.
This was wonderful!
My tail flicked about happily as I let the humans catch up. However soon I heard the telltale clicking of tilfish beside me. “Its beautiful isn’t it?” She asked as she looked around. “I am Xelo. I volunteered to meet with humans because I wanted to know more about their art.” She explained. “I knew it was scary and dangerous, but an artist must suffer for their work! It is what separates the hobbyist from the true professional. I never expected anything like this.” She confessed as she rubbed her antennae some more. “I had planned to be the first tilfish to paint a human’s portrait, but then my human, Sally, showed me this.”
She motioned to the train rolling by. “The design, the colors, the way they painted the miniature statues! It's unlike anything I have ever seen before! Oh its gorgeous! I looked everywhere but it seems like no species has ever come CLOSE to such elegance in design and looks!” She clicked away happily going on more about wondering how they went about making such a diorama and more.
“We did.”
She paused and looked at me confused.
“We had such beautiful trains. The height of luxury. I worked on a few so I should know.” I explained before motioning to the bright red engine.
“It… it isn’t in any records though? I looked! I mean, once I saw this I had to know if we had such scenes of our own to compare to!” She chittered as she looked between me and the diorama.
“Well. They were obsolete according to the feds. Sure they were comfy, luxurious, and the best way to travel in opulence but no. Had to go.” I growled just a little. “Doesn’t surprise me that its not recorded either. Why waste time on recording trash?” I took a deep breath before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I froze before looking back to see Freddie.
“They did what with your trains?” He asked slowly and calmly. “They destroyed your history?”
History? How could a train be history?
​
FIRST//PREVIOUS//NEXT

I'll jump right in and start from the beginning, but I think you already know where this is headed...
​
So, I grew up in Kansas, and although the state government grew increasingly republican, the county I lived in was all liberal democratic. At one time I was in the boy scouts. This was early 2010s or so. I personally never went far in it because it was hosted at a church that was far away, I was very socially awkward and never liked social interactions in general, and it was a cub scout group that did primarily boring things like tying the same knots over and over and also listening to hour long presentations about fire safety or whatever. I never really got to go outside but was there for the free food. I believe I was in second grade or maybe third grade, and only even got to go to like 10 meetings or so. My dad took drove me to them and after he left, for military service overseas, my mother just quit paying for it, and never approved of it anyway. She didn't like me hanging out with him.
​
In fifth grade I moved to another state, where I currently reside, where the government is completely liberal and democratic. The main motivation for the move, I was told, was my mother hated the Kansas Republicans cutting off educational programs and welfare benefits. But I believe the real reason was to keep me away from my father. He was in the same state after returning from service in both Afghanistan and Iraq, and by the time we moved into this state, he had already been assigned away. Fortunately, the reassignment was stonewalled by many completely unpredictable things. This was the year that NATO ISAF became NATO RSM, and OFS became OEF. I believe the changes were initiated by CJTF OIR, after pretending to be successful with UN SCR 2254, which was written as a response to a rising conflict in Syria that resulted from, among other things, al-Qaeda splitting from Daish. Remember that the CJTF is a mechanism for NATO to create operations and carry them out with non-NATO forces. NATO RSM led the effort in OEF, which is a counterterrorism campaign targeted against Daish. None of that matters anymore because a year or two ago, all NATO forces were withdrawn by the Doha agreement.
​
I suspect the non-NATO forces will be flocking to Syria in the coming months but honestly, I've never been able to keep track of what they've been up to. My mother said my father was away overseas constantly, in Germany, Israel, or someplace random, but I learned that none of it was true. He was at home, and she spun misinformation using the narcissistic technique of hounding him for information over the phone, making him guess about an unpredictable future, and then deliberately ignoring updates whenever a decision was actually made. He was in Hawaii on a cruise ship when I thought he was in Tehran.
​
The way women manipulate people like my mother did to me here is important for the story on this post. So, keep that in the back of your mind for now.
​
So as a kid I remember the giant fuss that feminists made over the boy scouts. They said that girls should be allowed to join, and the program should be renamed to just "the scouts". There where little carboard signs everywhere with this bullshit on them, as well as the effort being reported in the local news.
​
The girl scouts, apparently, is not as fun as the boy scouts. I suppose they don't go outside, go camping, or go on field trips. Instead, they sit around in a classroom and learn cooking and cleaning or whatever. I don't know, I was never a girl scout. It was the fact that boys have so much more fun that was considered misogynistic by the feminists.
​
So, in many troops now, girls can join. In the cub scouts that I was in, there weren't any girls, as far as I can remember, but the counselors themselves where girls, which I think was unusual, given that men usually do that.
​
I don't understand why the girl scouts can't just restructure their own program. Allow the girls to have the same fun stuff. There's no reason why they can't do that and stay completely on their own.
​
Of course, the girl scouts are run by women. These women are in charge and made it lame. They design the whole program, run the whole show, and believe that somehow, their failure is the fault of men and boys.
​
But it's not our fault. The fault is literally the women with the full power and responsibility over their own schedules. They could easily make any renovations to the girl scouts that they want.
​
Boys just know how to have more fun. We know how to get along and we're not afraid of actual life, and the great outdoors. But then the women want to infiltrate our group. And change it completely. My cub scouts experience was pretty lame, because these liberal women removed anything that was actually fun. They ruin the girl scouts and now want the same for the boy scouts.
​
We are not misogynist because we live our lives freely and have more fun. I think we never should have let the girls in, they are so miserable and whiny. The amount of narcissism they have is so insane and crazy to me. They have no right to barge in and change things according to a political agenda. What needs to be done is some self-introspection as to restructure the girl scouts. If they want to stop selling cookies and go camping or swimming or hunting or whatever, then why not let them do it? Why do they have to come over to the other side? We did not design the girl scouts. Women designed the girl scouts. Women ruined it and blamed all the men of the world as if we somehow had any control over what they do. I will not be made to believe that I have any responsibility at all for the fact that the women counselors ruined girl scouts all by themselves.
​
Also, women should not be in the military. I'm sorry, but it comes down to the biological fact that they are not naturally gifted in the areas that a good solider requires. Number one being the oath of honesty that the military enforces. If my father ever behaved like my mother, straight up lying about his location or his credentials, he would be court-martialed immediately.
​
Now that I think of it, isn't it strange that feminists have an obsession with tearing down any institution that stands for honor? As if men are not allowed to be honorable? Just a final thought...

I was dating a guy for a year and a half and I didn't know but he was cheating on me the entire time. We had agreed we would be monogamous but he looked at porn, and kept all of his ex-gfs in a secret account and had secret conversations going on with them that he would delete whenever I would try to glance. He denied everything. Only recently did he finally admit to all of it and to looking at and lusting after other girls in his town and even right infront of me.
​
Whenever I called him out on seeing this or said it hurt my feelings in the past he would physically beat, hit, and smack me. He is in a different location now, but I'm sure he'd still be doing it if we were still in the same place... He claims he's sorry but he certainly doesn't seem like it... He continues to be emotionally and verbally degrading....
​
Since he's admitted he was doing exactly as I suspected all along and he was getting physical with me to shut me up nothing's changed. In how he's treated me. He still hangs up on me regularly if I ask any questions, or cry, or if I bore him. Really if I do anything other than sexual things with him, he abandons me... But I can't do that anymore with my trust so betrayed. I don't feel safe.
He made me do really degrading sex acts in the past he had seen in porn and would never look me in the eye ever, he never once made me o or cared if I enjoyed myself. Instead he got violent if I wouldn't do the things he wanted even if they hurt.
​
Him staring at other women right next to me everywhere we went though, was one of the worst feeling feelings out of all of it, right on par with getting hit... I mean I'd be literally hold his hand.... Something so innocent and trusting and basic.... Even the most common levels of respect were just not there..
I kept wondering " What is wrong with me? Why am I not enough... Why does he think this is okay? Am I doormat? Am I ugly? Is it because I am a short girl? Is it because my skin is too pale? Is it because I'm not successful enough yet in my career?"
Anytime I would ask why he would just ignore me or go " Because I'm an asshole, some guys just are. Get over it. You love me anyway. I like a variety of women!" And would laugh it off....
But I didn't love how he treated me... I didn't love it at all.... I never laughed... I have cried myself to sleep almost every night for the past year and a half. It's hurt so much and as he's known I've been becoming depressed he will intentionally just leave me whenever I cry as a means to get to to stop " Bothering him" about it...
​
It's almost as if he thought that was just what men were supposed to do and how they were supposed to act and it was a woman's responsibility to have no emotions over it....
​
It all just utterly destroyed my self esteem.
​
I've been told by basically everyone I'm an attractive girl, there are other men I could be with.
​
I'm not overweight, I've had plastic surgery, I maintain myself, and have beautiful hair. I really try my best...
​
He didn't have much money and I paid for most of our dates. And when he said he wanted to get married I loved to Europe to be with him...
​
But the abuse only got worse, and in person it hurt so badly to be looking up at someone and say " Hey honey! Did you notice my outfit? I wore it for you!" as we're hiking and his eyes are glued to another woman's ass " No one cares what you're wearing, it's about the hike..." " Are you.... Are you looking at her ass? :(...." " Shut up bitch... * hit* Don't be stupid. You're just trying to cause a fight!!!". And then later " Man I wish you looked more like her..."
​
One time he even abandoned me in a European city where I didn't speak the language without internet on my birthday because he got mad that I asked if we could eat Pizza another night since it was my birthday and I was really hoping for a light salad and picnic by the park. I got left in the rain to be sex trafficked or worse, I thank God I managed to find my way to a place that spoke English after wandering several hours without internet or a working phone. He said he just " lost" his "temper" but he didn't care whether or lived or died.... Really I could have been harmed.... There was no caring, and I was very scared. I had trusted him to keep me safe....
​
I got treated like dirt. There were so many secrets. And he'd leave for days going to bars and I wouldn't hear from him. Only for him to come home and mention some new girl but insist nothing happened... Though he couldn't even give me so much a text for two days...
​
I was going to marry this guy.
​
There is so much more as well. But in general it was complete " Yikes!". And I just feel so discouraged...
​
Maybe he's right maybe I'm not good enough because of how I look.... It made me hate myself so much I haven't been able to look in the mirror since and have gotten several plastic surgeries...
I have bandages on my face right now from it...
My sense of self is so warped I truly wish I was unalive.
​
I feel so alone and worthless....
​
It killed my spirit.
​
My little brother, aunt, dad, and uncle all committed unaliving.... And some days I don't know that I can hang in there as much as I want to....
​
Any advice? Get a hobby doesn't work, too depressed. My brain just keeps flashing back.

In 2020, I moved over 6 hours away from my hometown in Southern Ontario to attend University up north. I moved into my down with my best friend from high school whom I had known for years. In this building, it is important to note that it has been around since the school was first built however it is frequently renovated and worked on because it more often than normal, catches fire (more details later).
So, to set the scene: it's 2020, mid-pandemic and I had just been discharged from the army. My best friend and I had applied for the same university major and had decided that if we got in that we would live together. Well, sure enough, we got in and the only dorm that could accommodate our room request (i.e. moving into the same apartment with separate bedrooms) was situated directly across from a hospice. and for those that don't know a hospice is a medical facility where people go when they are close to death to live out the end of their lives in as much comfort as possible. This hospice was the only view out of our small windows and was the only one in our area.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, the building frequently caught fire, but what was odd and worth mentioning about it, was that it only caught fire in apartment #5 on any given floor. My best friend and I lived on the 5th floor in the 5th apartment for 2 years even throughout the summer and fortunately, we never had a fire, but frequently found ourselves having to accommodate firefighters and other workers entering our rooms due to the smoke and water damage from various different fires from random floors directly above us. Along with my BFF, I had two other roommates who were very vocal about when they were home or not (we had a group chat), and for all these experiences they were never home. or even in the city for that matter. My BFF and I both got jobs working at a Lvl 1 Trauma Center as nightshift security and thus paranormal stuff didn't scare us as we frequently were forced to work in the morgue and even witness people die on a daily basis, with whole bunch of other things happening (maybe stories for another time).
The main experience that happened early on was when my BFF and I both awoke to hear someone going through our cupboards and garbage in the kitchen, which was right against my bedroom wall, thus making it super loud. it was about 1pm and because we were on night shift, it was our version of 1am. So, thinking my best friend had gotten up oddly early I went to talk to her, but when I opened my door there was no one. I woke her up quietly and we searched the entire apartment and hallways with whatever we could use as weapons. There was no one but everything was open, our fridge, the oven, drawers, and cabinets. As well, our garbage had been thrown across the room. All the breakers in our apartment had been switched off as well, which we didn't discover at first. It is important to mention that the only entry into our apartment, that being the front door, automatically locked when closed so it was most definitely locked 24/7. I called building security and no one had been seen on camera entering our dorm except for my BFF and me around 8am after we had gotten off work at the hospital. there was no explanation for who had done this but still, they took our statements and said they'd do patrols, they never found more information.
Over 3 months later, it was summer and my BFF and I had been 2 of 11 people left in the building over the summer, with the rest being mostly just international students who could afford to do quarantine protocols again in September as it took 2 weeks. We were the only ones on our floor but regularly heard stomping outside in the hall but neither of us never saw anyone through our peephole or even when we often heard knocks on the front door, however when we checked, no one every time. So aside from the knocking and stomping, super quiet summer except for one morning. I'll never forget it it shook us to the bone.
It was 10am and my roommate and I were asleep after work. I never locked my bedroom door as my bff loved to come in and hang all the time but for some reason, I locked it that entire week. and good thing too because I awoke to frantic and I mean FRANTIC knocking- no pounding on my bedroom door. I was obviously super disoriented as I had just finished a 12 hour shift a few hours earlier, but I saw two dark shadows under the door resembling feet. I figured my bff needed something and woke up but I called out before getting up because I was annoyed to be awake this early. The feet stayed unmoving but the knocking stopped. with a heavy sigh, I got up threw on a sweater and checked the time (it was around 10am), and went to open the door, with the shadows still there I assumed it was my bff. When I put my hand on the handle to unlock it, I heard a thud, and then, worried if my bff had fallen, I threw the door open to see my front door closing as if someone was just leaving. I ran over and saw a completely black figure turn the corner. I followed (my security guard instincts kicking in) but when I turned the corner, nothing. I went back and my roommate asked why I was knocking on the walls like that, she heard it from inside my room on an adjoining shared wall to both our bedrooms. we again called security but only I was seen chasing after nothing on the cameras. After my boyfriend, a firefighter started sleeping over frequently because were both spooked, the fires stopped, and most other things did too. We never had another incident on this level. We moved out after 2 years there and beyond hearing the usual bang, no other issues.
edit: also important detail I forgot to add is that we had an anti-break-in security stick against our front door while we slept, and they were conveniently moved into the living room or against the wall after these events. we also tested the stick to see if it actually worked and trust me even my firefighter boyfriend and his bff couldn't force their way in