I wanted to use this OC for a fic but i still need to get around that so imma drop it here for shit and giggles.
I'm following the template given by this subreddit.
====Personal Info====
Name: Paul Shinosore
Gender: Male
Age (Biological): 25
Birthday: 13/03/2035
Occupation: Criminal/Vigilante
Net worth: Rich
Height: 150 cm
Weight: 77 Kg
Hair color: Blue (turns bright or dark pink when using his quirk).
Haircut: Long surfer hair
Facial Hair: none
Eye Color: Blue (turns bright Pink when using quirk).
Skin color: flesh pink
Blood Type: A-
Distinguishing physical feature: There is a fist sized scar on the left side of his cranium where his hair stopped growing, the rest of his hair hides it well, but it's still noticeable.
====Bio====
Personal Strengths: He's very kind and fun to the people he considers friends or family, he also always strives to fulfill his promises.
Personal Weaknesses: He doesn't care about hurting people he doesn't consider friends, he thinks that "as long as they live they're fine" which results in many broken bones, and destroyed buildings. He smokes cigars.
Attitude: Always trying to have a good time and he's always trying to find solutions to his friend's problems.
Likes: Cigars, Parties, drinking, fooling around, shooting things, food in general but he prefers his Cook friend's food, being free to do whatever he wants.
Dislikes: Laws, heroes, murderers for the sake of being murderers, hitmen, dick people in general, AFO, OFA holders (mainly All Might since the guy tried to arrest him multiple times).
Habits: Smoking Cigars, travelling the world.
Fears: Thanatophobia, he fears dying or letting other people that aren't deserving die.
Reason for becoming a Villain: He doesn't like following the laws, he's also involved with many destructive fights, he also killed a few Villains in the past.
Relationship with peers: He and his closest friends mostly live together and have formed a Villain Team to make money, he likes all of them and they like to have fun with him and eachother, he considers them family.
Relationship with Family: his parents are long dead but he never really cared about them since he considers his friends more of a family than a friend group.
Relationship Status: He's an Ex-boyfriend
Number of kids: 0(Biological)+1(adopted)
Backstory (not all of it cuz it's for my fic): He was born 20 years after the first quirks started appearing. In this age quirks weren't as highly regarded as nowadays, quirked individuals were treated like monsters or weapons to use in the military.
The moment Paul manifested his quirk at age 3 his parents decided they didn't want him anymore, so they dropped him to an orphanage and were never seen again.
Inside the orphanage he was ostracized along with his only two friends, Sasaki and Adam, who were also quirked like him, Sasaki id able to secrete a liquid that heals injuries and Adam is incredibly smart and is able to inhabit electronic devices like a ghost, he lives in the orphanage till he's 14.
An accident happens with the other kids in which one of them leaves Paul on deaths door, but his friends were able to save him thanks to their quirks, however this experience leaves him so traumatized he decides to go away from the orphanage, saying goodbye to his friends he leaves in the middle of the night.
Fast forward to 11 years later and he has just been fired from his latest job, everything is going to shit, and he feels like shit because he knows he'll get old and die, he's in a weird limbo of wanting to die and wanting live at the same time, however he gets to meet his old friends again and they offer him a deal he can't pass.
The two have run some experiments on the healing quirk of Sasaki and they found out that if one is immerged inside the liquid long enough it reverses the aging process of the body and since they know how traumatized he was of death and wanting to have fun together like old times, they tell him he could join them in this reverse aging process that way they'll forever together.
Paul, wanting to rebuild their friendship and wanting to live forever, accepts.
And they go on to live up until present days, having many adventures and meeting new people, some joining them, some don't...
to be continued
====Quirk Information====
Quirk Name: Psychokinesis
Quirk Type: Emitter, (Transformation[?]), Accumulation.
Quirk Range: Sight Based
Quirk Description: His brain is connected to a smaller organ which serves to amplify and manipulate his psychic energy which he uses to telekinetically move the objects he sees, his energy can interact with an object's atoms to move them.
Being a mind based Quirk the user's emotions affect the quirk's behavior, for example, if Paul gets very angry the air around him starts to heat up as an intimidating tactic to ward off whatever it is that's pissing him off.
He can move everything in his body with his psychic energy, mainly used to not bleed to death when wounded, but it's also used to lift himself up in the air mimicking flight.
He can turn his psychic energy into fuel for his Scarlet Flame Style attacks (more on that later).
The quirk gets stronger with time similarly to OFA.
Miscellaneous Quirk Info: His hair turns pink depending on how much of his quirk he's using.
His eyes turn instantly bright pink when he's about to use or is using his quirk.
He can technically enter people's minds if he bypasses the natural psychic barrier people have.
Whenever he lights something on fire it produces red colored smoke.
Quirk Strenghts: The quirk gets stronger with time and the amount of uses is limited only by how smart the user is at using it, if the user is smart, the quirk can be unpredictable and very powerful.
Quirk Weaknesses: The user may receive painful headaches if he uses too much energy all at once.
The hair and eyes changing color are an obvious telling for when the user is about to strike.
He can't interact with other people's bodies since every person technically generates their own signature psychic energy that covers their whole body and to bypass that it would take literal hours, so it's pretty inefficient unless the target is unconcious or trapped.
Special Moves:
Heat Wave: Paul uses his quirk to move the atoms in the air heating up everything in his vicinity and then sending it towards the enemy, based off of whenever he gets angry, usually used after getting pissed off.
Golem: Paul utilizes the materials around him to build a Golem to fight for him, mainly used to play against his opponents.
Psychic Muscular System: Paul spreads his psychic energy evenly in his body, then he shapes said energy as muscles and uses it to enhance his body's speed, power and durability.
Concentrated Power Fist: Paul concentrates all of his energy in his arm and punches the enemy with immense force, the amount of energy in his arm crushes his bones so it's mainly used as a finishing move or a desperate move.
Air Blast: Paul concentrates air in the palm of his and and launches at his opponent, blasting them away.
Toughening: Paul uses his psychic energy to make himself or an object tougher, used for defensive purposes and to make his weapon very hard to break.
Room Temperature: Paul uses his psychic energy to slow down or quicken his atoms making his body colder or hotter on demand, creating a solution against fire or ice users.
Metal Shifting: By heating up metal he can easily shift it into other shapes before cooling it down.
Scarlet Flame Style
By using his quirk Paul can turn his psychic energy into a flammable source, he can then create a Scarlet colored fire that burns as long as he keeps fueling it his energy, this fire burns much hotter, much faster than if he tried to heat something up by moving it's atoms, the only downside being he drains a lot of his energy, meaning if he uses it too much he'll be unable to fight for a while.
Paul can manipulate the flame to stick on his opponents clothes or skin, making it very painful for them
Scarlet Flame Style: Fire Fist: Paul coats his fists in fire, it gives more speed and power to his punches, it also sets his enemies on fire. Can be used interchangeably with the next special move.
Scarlet Flame Style: Explosive Fire fist: Paul coats his fists in fire, and when he is about to punch the enemy, he fuels energy to his fire making it explode. Can be used interchangeably with the previous special move.
Scarlet Flame Style: FlameRain: Paul flies in the air and throws fire all over the battlefield, covering it in flames and making it hard to traverse on the ground.
Scarlet Flame Style: Flame Breath: Paul breathes in air and spews fire from his mouth. This move is mainly used to catch people off guard when being grabbed.
Scarlet Flame Style: Ultimate move: Supernova: Paul sneakily generates a giant flaming ball above the battlefield.
After the fire ball has grown big enough Paul flies inside of the ball and flies at max speed, fists first (kinda like superman), crashing into the enemy while carrying the fire ball.
Downsides
This attack needs time to be set up and it uses all of Paul's energy to attack, so it's used as a One-Hit-K.O. finishing move.
While charging the move Paul gets progressively weaker therefore he needs to run from his enemy or buy time somehow.
This move causes a lot of collateral damage, melting and destroying the surroundings.
If the enemy notices the fire ball in the sky they may try to beat Paul faster and finish the fight quicker or try to destroy the fireball.
After this attack is used, Paul will not be able to fight.
Age Quirk Obtained: 3 Years old
How the quirk first manifested: he lifted his father's desk while he was playing with letter cubes.
====Villain Information====
Villain Name: Paul.
Villain Team: The Scarlet Troupe.
Costume: A long black cloak that covers his entire upper body and reaches his shins, with Golden stripes on the edges, it's held together on the base of the neck by a pin with a blue gem in it.
Leather arm bracers.
Belt with an holster and a small ball shaped bag able to hold 15 kgs.
Sometimes wears a black medical mask and sunglasses when he needs to conceal his identity.
Gadgets/Tech/Weapons: A smart watch with a built in map in it, it's connected to his teammates watches and it's used to locate them in real time.
A Small 15 kgs metal ball used by Paul to shapeshift it in any weapon he needs, he prefers using spears, tridents and the sorts.
A S&W 350 Revolver he carries around just for show since he can output much more power with his quirk, however he can use his quirk to redirect bullets into the enemy, so it has it's uses.
It's also very useful to shut people up whenever they're being too loud or having an argument without letting him talk, just shoot in the ground so no one gets hurt.
------O-------
I wanted to ask can i post more than one OC? Cause i wanted to post all of the "Scarlet Troupe" Villain team and the rules are not clear on this sub. Also English ain't my first language so if you see errors, you know why. (Writing this on reddit is a pain ngl)

(This individual isn’t depressed before I get comments suggesting I help them seek help. I’ve raised it before and it’s shot down so there’s just absolutely no chance anyway)
They wash every other day. Always long hot baths… they don’t clean the bathroom out after themselves properly so there’s skin stuck everywhere and I’m finding flakes and big chunks of skin all over the house.
There’s times where I presume that they’re just itching and leaving the skin all over the floor… not realising they’re in a shared space.
They don’t clean up after themselves and any suggestions about diet are ignored.
I’m at my wits end because having to clean somebody else’s skin off every surface… everyday before I can use objects and large chunks of it isn’t pleasant.
It’s to the point where I’m finding their dead skin in my bed.
I’m sorry if it sounds insensitive - they won’t take any recommended treatments either because they don’t trust the ingredients in the medicine.
I’m not sure how to even approach this conversation because they’re a few years older than me and they become incredibly unpleasant (put downs, over-talking, correcting you etc) when trying to have conversations where you don’t agree with everything they say or raise issues.
I know it’s a sensitive topic and I really don’t want to hurt their feelings. What can I do? How do I raise this? I don’t think I can continue to clean up areas several times a day much longer.

Miriam "Miri" Juarez
Citizen X
Faction: Institute
Born: 1/08/1981
Physique: Miriam is very wiry and quite strong, built like a runner and fairly muscular in a wiry way. She’s compacT, given her smaller frame, and has an overall sense of having more energy than she knows what to do with. She also has a scar over her eyebrow from when she fell off a trampoline and kissed pavement and one on her cheek from when she got thrown through a window before her powers manifested. Her hands and knuckles are pretty callused from being a street fighter. And a delinquent.
Voice: Miriam has a contralto, and has a fairly strong Brooklyn accent. Her voice is a little raspy, but overall pretty easy to listen to and understand
Hair: Miriam has long dark brown hair, almost black. It's usually tied into a ponytail and she's probably going to cut it off soon. She’s considered dying it, but she likes her natural colour a lot so she hasn’t gotten around to it yet.
Personality Description: Miriam is a punk, all things considered. She’s impulsive, quick-tempered, gets in over her head far too easily and never thinks things through. Ever. She’s the kind of person who gets attached easily and gets angry over stuff far easier than she should. However, she is kind at her core, wanting to do things to make people she cares about happy, which can leave her open to being used by people who know this about her. She wants to make the world a better place, to protect the innocent and not let the little guy get stepped on. She desperately wants to be more than just a punk teen with a mutation, and she wants to live up to the legacy she's taken on herself.
She’s chatty and hard-working, never giving up on something once she gets her teeth sunk into it, and she is good at picking stuff up quickly. She makes enemies as easily as she makes friends, but despite her temper flaring up easily, she forgives just as swiftly. She’s more terrified of being alone than anything else, a trait she tries to keep to herself, but again, she can be the kind of person who often ends up as muscle or a lookout for someone cunning enough to exploit her impulsive heart.
She’s fairly clever, however, with a quick wit and the ability to learn stuff pretty quickly. She’s not superhumanly so, of course, but she knows what she’s about. She’s pretty handy with tools and knows how to draw pretty well, mostly doing portraits and sketches of people she sees wandering around and she is very proud of her still lifes. Very proud. She rarely shows her art to anyone but her most close, dear friends. Her deepest wish is that she wants, more than anything, to be an X-Man, or at least a hero who can be the equal of the original Citizen.
Miriam was always a bit of a problem child. She never knew her mom and her dad was often too drunk to keep track of her, hoping she was at school, but she was more often roaming the streets and getting into trouble. Not fun trouble, but more shoplifting and fights kind of trouble. She did it for people she knew, mostly. “Friends” who’d talk her into using her superspeed to help them out. The fights got worse and the run-ins with the MRD got worse, building to a head that she felt would eventually boil over. But, her “friends” needed her and she also kinda liked getting into street fights and shit.
Then she met the Citizen, and everything changed. Or, nothing did, depending on who you asked.
Met wasn't even the right word for it. The Citizen saved her life. The city had been set ablaze and Miriam had been trapped under rubble, her legs broken and the fire creeping towards her. The Citizen had rescued her, taken her to see a man called Elixir who healed her legs. Miriam had never seen someone like her before. She gave a fuck. She’d asked about Miriam’s mutation and she’d called it a gift. People didn’t think that about Miriam, or anything about her. Sure you saw the X-Men on TV, and you heard the tapes, but girls like her? No one cared about them. But the Citizen cared. She listened, and she was incredible. She was a real superhero. The kind of person that really truly thought the world would get better, that people like Miriam could make it better if they just tried. And the crazy part was that Miri had started to believe her. That she might be important, she might even matter to other people/
So, she started to do the right thing. She started to stick up for people more, she started to look after the losers she’d normally ignore or worse, and she started to become the sort of protector of her borough. Sure, she wasn’t exactly the nicest person, and sure she kind of charged people and still tagged buildings, stole shit from assholes or whatever, but she was trying to be better. To be the hero the Citizen was. She had a new goal, and that was to be someone good. She eventually decided to run away from home, leave that shit behind her, MRD crackdowns were getting worse and she was putting the people she was trying to protect in danger by being near them without a secret identity or whatever. So, she packed all her crap into a bag and she ran to the Institute, arriving the day before the Escape.
Mutation: Superhuman Speed
Miriam is empowered by the energy of the sun to move and react at a superhuman velocity. Her ability operates by not only enhancing the speed of her body, but creating a shield of light around her that protects her from the effects of moving at superhuman speeds. Her current maximum speed is 250 mph, and her reflexes are good enough to dodge bullets. The light barrier created by her mutation makes her outline iridescent, and gives her increased durability to physical harm, in addition to shielding her against her powers. It only operates when she’s in motion or has recently been in motion, and cannot shield her against a bullet, but it can protect her from extremes of heat and cold, shattered glass and punches from regular humans. Darkforce energy can consume her barrier and leave her powerless, in a similar vein to her idol, the Citizen.
Energy 4
Physical 4
Control 4
Potency 3
THE DAY BEFORE THE SIEGE
A dirty, disheveled teenager, clad in street clothes and glowing faintly, stepped up to the gates of the school, scowling slightly as she looked around. This was the place, she was sure of it, and dodging MRD patrols was the easy part compared to figuring out where to go from here...

Chapter One
Chapter Seventeen
Martinez slouched his way into the kitchen. He wasn’t really paying attention to his surroundings; in his defense it was early in the morning and he’d failed at getting some appropriate shut-eye before he went and, you know, bared his entire soul to Chao. At least that was his plan. But as usual, the universe laughs at plans.
He placed a sealed plastic package into the coffee machine, then put a styrofoam cup in the appropriate location. He yawned as the machine began its burbling.
“Hey.”
Martinez snapped his head over at McCoy, who’d suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She leaned against the counter, with a big and very evil grin on her face.
“Um…” began Martinez, before he was interrupted by a voice from his other side.
“Hey.” Matt leaned there, and if McCoy looked evil then Matt looked positively diabolical. Martinez glanced behind him and saw more soldiers, all with looks of ill intent on their faces.
The corporal didn’t waste time in asking what the hell they were up to, he just started throwing hands and feet. Future scholars would count the resulting battle as one for the ages; Martinez even managed to tag Toke with a couple of pretty good punches and one really sweet roundhouse kick.
But in the end, it was still a case of one against many.
__________
“Mmmm mm mmm m mmm!” protested Martinez.
Chao sighed as she beheld his bruised and very taped-up state. “What did those idiots do to you?”
“Mm MMM mmm mm!” The corporal’s mouth was now duct-taped shut, so verbal acuity was not amongst his strong suits at the present.
She put her hands on her hips. “For crying out loud. Matt goes and gets me all worried that you’re somehow in trouble, he leads me over to some random closet and shoves me in here and I find you like this. What’s the game?”
“Gmmmm?”
Chao squatted, examining his bonds. “Well, they sure got you trussed up like a roast for the feast. Hey, if you want me to pull the tape off of your mouth just nod.”
After a moment, Martinez nodded. She reached for the tape covering his mouth, then hesitated. “Um. I don’t have much experience with this so I’ll leave it up to you. Is it better to go fast or slow? Blink once for fast, two for slow.”
With deliberation, Martinez blinked once. Chao nodded and yanked the tape off. They’d even left a convenient tab for her to grab ahold of.
“FUCKING OW!” yelled the corporal. “Um, sorry.”
Chao seated herself before his figure, which was tied up in a fetal position. “You know, the last few weeks have given me a bit of a crash-course on the types of grab-ass shenanigans you soldier types get up to. This is a new one, though. Care to educate me?”
Martinez stared at her in horrified disbelief. “Toke didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what? He just said you were in trouble and that I needed to help out.”
“That…that evil, evil son of a bitch. He said he’d explain everything!”
“Explain what? Luca, I am just about ready to walk out and leave you in here to eventually soil yourself.”
Now that he was literally hog-tied and unable to escape, Martinez realized he had to ‘fess up. “I like you,” he said in an almost-gasp. “I mean, I like you like you. In that way. I mean, I know it’s sudden. We’ve only known each other for maybe four weeks but you’re so smart and pretty and…and, you know about Asimov and Heinlein and Clarke and about orbital mechanics and star spectra.”
She sat in stunned silence while he continued. “I don’t bring much to the table, I get that. But I want to learn. After we come back from the Rithro’s repair mission, I want to go to college…I’ve started looking into that. I’m not much of a catch right now, but maybe one day you’d consider liking me that way as well…”
He was interrupted as she leaned down, grabbed his head, and planted a firm kiss upon his lips. After a moment of pure bliss for both of them, she pulled away. “You utter and complete idiot,” she said, but she said it with a smile. “Did you never think that perhaps you have some attractive qualities of your own?”
Martinez tried to shrug as best he could, being all tied up. “I mean, Toke did mention that I have some pretty nice abs?”
Chao’s eyes glinted in good humor. “Pretty nice? You’ve got an eight-pack. I could shred cheese on those bad boys.”
He looked up at her. “Wait. When did you see my abs?”
“Back when we were sequestered within Cheyenne Mountain, and we were strictly on sponge baths.” She patted his taut stomach, feeling up those aforementioned abs. “Anyways, do you want me to get you out of these bonds?”
“Um…”
Her good humor turned into a diabolical grin. “Or, would you like to remain in these bonds? Toke said something about a safe-word and safe-gesture, he said you’d explain it.”
“Of course he did. That fucker. Um. Chao, this has gone better than I could ever have imagined but I don’t think you need to know…”
“Know about what?” Her caressing of his unprotected stomach did not cease. “Does my corporal have a bit of a fetish?”
His brain seized up again at her emphasis on ‘my’. “I…”
“Let me put it this way. Would you like me to be all mean and nasty, or more cuddly and dommy mommy?”
After a long, long moment of silence he finally murmured, “Dommy mommy.”
“See? That wasn’t so hard. Well, admitting it wasn’t hard.” Her hand continued its explorations. “Now this here is indeed quite hard. Hmm. Good thing you are just too cute for words.”
“Cute?” He looked in disbelief at her, and then flinched at her continued caressing.
“One can be a badass and also cute, my dear corporal. You tick both boxes. Not to mention you’re into a fetish which I’ve wanted to indulge in for a while. Never found anyone who was into it, until now.”
Outside the closet, McCoy stood guard. She smiled in triumph as she heard Martinez yell out in pleasure, and turned to give Toke a thumbs-up.
“It’s about fuckin’ time,” she said.
Matt smiled back at her. He now sported an epic shiner under one eye. “Eh, some kids just need a bit of a nudge, you know?”
__________
It was…it was a wall. A wall he was looking at.
A wall covered in white stucco. Nothing too fancy, but it was indeed a wall and Joachim realized he was looking at it. That might seem like a substandard feat, but for a man who’d been in Joachim’s proverbial shoes it was a grand accomplishment.
His mouth worked as he swished his tongue around in his mouth. He looked around. He sat in a lawn chair in the middle of a beige room, lined on every wall with the stucco he’d just realized he was looking at. “H…hello?”
His voice felt old and clotted. Joachim looked down at his hand, and he saw wrinkled skin and age spots that he didn’t remember seeing there before.
This room only had one exit door, and now it opened. A lean man with dark skin entered. “Joachim Neimyer? I’m Zawahir Ibn Harith. How are you feeling, sir?”
Joachim fixed the newcomer with a steady eye. “I’ll be feeling better once I know where I am. And where is Corina?”
“Corina is on her way, she should be here within minutes. We had great hopes that your treatment was progressing well. Do you know what day it is, sir?”
“Of course I know what day it is! It’s…” Joachim trailed off as he realized that he didn’t know. The last few…years? Decades? He had glimpses of moments in time, as if viewed via a strobe-light. He now realized it was much, much later in time than he thought. “I…what happened?”
“Alzheimer’s, Mr. Neimeyer.” Zawahir’s eyes were kind. “You’ve been suffering from it for the last seven years. But we discovered…or, I should say, we adopted a methodology for treating it. It not only stops the damage, it has a way of reversing at least some of its effects. I fear you will never regain the memories from the time during which you suffered the most, but from now on your mind should function properly once more.”
Joachim rubbed his now-bald pate. “Is Corina all right?”
Zawahir pulled over a chair next to him and seated himself. “She is, blessedly, un-marked by the same affliction. We are, of course, putting her on a similar treatment as yourself just to make sure she remains so. With her consent, of course.”
The old man fixed Zawahir with a direct stare. “This whole thing smells experimental. Why choose me?”
“Mmm, you are as sharp as ever, sir. This is indeed an experiment, and we chose you because you are one of the preeminent rocket experts who ever lived. We need such skills now.”
“What?”
Zawahir leaned forward. “I will do my best to catch you up…”
__________
She walked through the door, supported by a cane. The one person, the beacon in Joachim’s life. Corina lit up upon seeing his gaze. A gaze with intent, with purpose. “They said you were feeling better!”
Before he or the surrounding interns could react, Joachim now found himself with a hundred-ish pounds of enthusiastic elderly woman in his lap.
“Tell me something only you know,” she whispered.
Joachim smiled. “Do you remember what I told you when we saw the green flash? That one time, in Hawaii? During our honeymoon?”
“I do. You said that the flash was the souls of those who’ve gone before.”
“And I promised you that, if I passed before you, that you would just need to look for the flash to see me.”
She clasped his wrinkled face in her own equally-lined hands. “You did better than that. You came back to me.”
“I guess I did.” He kissed her, reveling in the fact that this time he’d remember it.
Zawahir motioned to everyone else in the room. They all quickly got the hint and left the pair to their mutual happiness.
__________
The door of the simulator cracked open and Kifa came scuttling out. She peered up at the normally stony face of Master Sergeant Wilkes; right now the latter looked like he’d just been kicked in the chest by a donkey and was still trying to process it. “How did I do?” asked the xyrax. “It seems like I did quite well.”
“Um…Kifa. Well. Um. Did the controls seem to operate right?”
“Oh, yes! Very much, quite intuitive! It’s been ages since I simulated combat within an atmosphere! That was fun!”
“Fun. You do realize that you were going up against aces. I mean real, human aces?”
“Oh. I thought that was the case.” Kifa peered back into the simulator. “Was I not supposed to know that?”
Wilkes finally laughed, something that was fortunately captured by several cameras and used as blackmail material for many years after. “You did fine. You also just utterly smoked several of the finest pilots on Earth, and that includes non-Americans.” He regarded her with a steady gaze. “I wish I could recruit you to TOPGUN, I’d love to see you show those strutting peacocks a thing or two.”
“What is TOPGUN?”
He sighed. “Right now, it’s in the same exact department as buggy-whip manufacturing. You just showed these punks that, even in atmosphere, you’re death from above.”
Kifa seemed to shrink into themselves. “I didn’t mean to…”
“Now, now, Kifa, this is a good thing. Gotta keep those aforementioned strutting peacocks on their toes. But soon we’ll be dealing with fighting using orbital mechanics, something with which our air-combat people have about as much actual experience as they do with chatting up the fairer sex.”
“Which fairer sex? I mean, my kind is hermaphroditic so I know the mechanics but…” Kifa trailed off as it blinked its four big, oil-drop eyes.
“You are too damned cute for your own good. Pick a sex, any one, I for one do not give a fuck anymore. Point being, we humans need a crash-course in how to fight in space. No atmo, so trying to maneuver using flaps and wings and things is right out. We need to understand how orbits work. Not just intellectually, but in our bones.” Wilkes patted the simulator. “We need you to teach us. We need you to teach an army. Well, navy. Technically. I guess it would count as a navy. Either way. You know how to do this shit, and you just proved that even in atmosphere you can run rings around our best and brightest. So. Are you willing to show us your voodoo?”
“My voodoo…” The blue-furred spider suddenly rose on all of its legs. “Of course! This will be used against the Breakers, yes?”
“Of course.”
“Then it will be my greatest pleasure to show you all of my voodoo!” Kifa paused. “Although, if I received a headpat or two it would also help me properly consider how best to teach you.”
Sergeant Wilkes sighed and reached down. Kifa purred in delight as the usually-taciturn sergeant unleashed the full might and power of Human Headpats upon the alien pilot.
__________
Sadaf watched as the two dark-haired women and one blonde-haired woman had a black-and-white cap fitted over their heads. Both had received a haircut for this day; Parvati for one seemed to be less than thrilled about losing some of her tresses.
“This is the snoopy-cap,” said the aide who stood between the two women. The surroundings were sterile and very, very white. “This cap contains your communications, and it will keep your hair in place during launch.” This was the actual process getting shown to the world. Behind them, Ravindar and Martinez were also in the process of getting suited up, but this was done with much less fanfare. The aide’s words carried to them all, of course.
“Arms up!” Everyone going into space today raised their arms, and a large tubby-looking upper suit then slid down over five figures. Many human hands made sure that their heads made it through the upper ring. “This is the upper part of your pressure suit,” said the aide. “The gloves and helmet will complete that part, but that will come later. Now I will need you all to step into your pants…”
Everyone did so; Chao was the one who didn’t quite make it look elegant. She grinned at Martinez as she fumbled for a bit getting her pressure-suit trousers on; his resulting blush was caught for the cameras but it wasn’t until a week later that someone realized what it meant.
“Latch!” The aide’s voice was hard as metal.
Many hands reached out, twisting multiple metal rings to lock the upper and lower halves of the four pressure suits into one cohesive piece.
“I still say we could make them some proper hardsuits,” said Sadaf to Takh. The two stood off to the side, not exactly part of the dance but not apart from it either.
“No, I think this is better,” said Takh. “We need to make this look more like a…human effort.” Her XO stood at parade-rest, with both sets of arms clasped behind his back.
Sadaf nodded. “I will default to your judgement. By the way…how are you and Corporal McCoy getting along?” She nodded towards the last-minute addition to the crew.
“Um…Ma’am, I…” His faltering was not helped by watching the humans in the clean-room getting clear helmets fixed over their heads. Each latching was followed-up by a tap on the shoulder and a thumbs-up.
The big human, Ravindar, waved his arms over his shoulders as he got the feel for the suit. He’d managed to get the helmet on without an issue, in spite of his substantial beard. “Need more air?” asked a much smaller woman at his side. He shook his head, while he continued to flex and get comfortable with how the suit restricted his motions.
Getting the Sikh to this moment had been a master-class in diplomacy. Not least of which was because he still carried a weapon upon his person. Sadaf had no experience with ‘Sikhism’, but she could appreciate any culture or creed which dictated the need to carry a protective weapon at all times. It appealed to her nature.
“Do you think Parvati knows that he’s, well, into her?” asked Takh.
His captain’s voice became damn near sultry. “Now Takh, and here I thought you were all clueless. I’ve heard of the effort these humans went through to get Chao and Luca together. Would you like me to ask them to perform a similar effort for you and Corporal McCoy? Hmmm? It would make for quite the photo-op, as the humans would say.”
Takh felt a bit of panic, somehow. “No!” His panicked reply was low, hopefully not picked up by the surrounding cameras. “I mean, she’s so small. I could hurt her…assuming she wants to be romantic, of course.”
“Romantic? Takh, I admit I am still learning about human body language but trust me…if you want that, she wants that.” She pondered the humans in the room still going through some last-minute checks of their pressure suits. “Let’s put it this way. If you don’t make a move, then I just might ask Dhuz if it’s okay to add a human to our harem when we get back.”
“What?”
“I have learned quite the delightful human phrase. It is, as they say, Time To Nut Up Or Shut Up. I do find McCoy really cute, after all. As do you.”
Her XO grumbled semi-silently for a bit. “Fair enough, Captain. I’ll ask her. While we’re out there.”
“Good.” The humans in the clean room were now about finished with their checks, and Sadaf felt a bit of a thrill. She was, after all, witness to a species taking their first steps into a larger universe.
Five hoses were now shoved into five chest-mounted receptacles, each hose leading to its own hand-held air-conditioning unit. Another complicated round of checks, slaps, and thumbs-ups then followed.
“They do know that we’re just going to walk beside them right into the landing boat, right?” asked Takh. “This whole process isn’t really necessary.”
“Let them have this moment,” said Sadaf with a gentle smile. “They’re having fun.”
__________
The five white-suited individuals emerged from the hallway to pretty much universal uproar, both in person and online. The suit color was all NASA, but the logos were not. All four wore the emblem of the United Nations at their shoulder, a pair of olive branches surrounding a polar view of the world. The four humans all did their bit and waved for the cameras. Those in charge of the cameras did as instructed, and ignored the two black-and-sliver figures behind the quartet. The latter weren’t wearing any sort of pressure suit.
In the middle of the courtyard hovered the real talking piece, a landing boat from the Rithro. Its entry door was already lowered, and with another wave to the cameras from each of the five humans, they walked up the ramp and into the craft.
The five of them then looked at each other as the door began to close behind them. They’d trained together for a bit, enough to get a feel for each other. But now there was a real sense among them of holy shit what now?
Their mutual what-nows were interrupted as Tofa appeared. The arachnoid alien held a tray in one pedipalp, and upon that tray sat a little dish of what looked like Brazil nuts.
“Greetings!” chirped Tofa. “Welcome to Rithro Air, I assure you we have an excellent safety reputation. Well, almost excellent, if you don’t count the affair around Barnard’s Star. You may now take off your pressure suits. May I interest you in a nut?”
The four humans (and a few of the aliens) flinched as Ravindar let loose with a hearty belly-laugh. He reached up to undo his helmet while he beamed a brilliant white smile at their greeter. “You? I like you. We’re going to be fast friends.” He reached down to pluck a nut from the tray. “Madame? Do you want to take the first nut? Or should I taste it first?”
“Um…” For once, Parvati looked uncertain within her glass-and-cloth cocoon. “If you wish to taste, then please go ahead.”
“As you wish.” Ravindar held her eyes as he bit into the proffered nut. “It seems to be all right,” he pronounced.
After the great ceremony with which they’d been ensconced into their pressure suits, the humans then with reluctance emerged from their cocoons.
“We set up some chairs for everyone!” exclaimed Tofa, who gestured to the sides of the landing craft.
“Um, where do we put all of this?” asked Martinez as he held up a pressure-suit gauntlet.
The alien spider blinked. “Oh, right! Kexal, would you mind helping our guests stow their material?”
__________
The conference room at ULA now looked out over an even-greater bustle of activity. They were determined to at least match SpaceX in terms of tonnage-to-orbit; maybe they’d do so more efficiently? The mere notion had set a fire under everyone.
Joachim sat in a wheelchair while he studied those in front of him. “Ladies and gentlemen. I have, through some strange technological miracle, been re-granted the use of my mind. Not only that; they tell me that I and my wife might, if certain tests go well…we could become that which we once were. I intend to make sure that this gift does not go to waste. Not for me, nor for my wife, nor for the rest of humanity. Anyways. We have some aliens who need our help, we have some psychotic robot idiots who are fucking things up for everyone, and we need to get some serious tonnage into orbit as a result. Is that about the shape of things?”
“That’s pretty much the shape of it, sir,” said Dwight.
Joachim pointed a wrinkled finger at the speaker. “You. I’ve been caught up enough that I know you were the one to advocate for the use of Sea Dragon.”
“Just as a Hail Mary,” Dwight protested.
Clara cleared her throat. “I mean, I understand the enthusiasm but nobody has ever fired a pressure-fed engine that big. A single engine, mind you.”
Joachim rubbed his chin. “I understand your concern. But also keep in mind, this is a pintle injector, not a shower-head like they had on the F-1s on the Saturn-Five’s first stage. Pintle injectors were classified at the time. That’s a pity, because pintle injectors are safe as houses.”
Clara looked over at him. “Really?”
“Oh yeah, they’re pretty much bomb-proof.”
The team regarded the design now up on the screen. Clara was the first to speak their mutual thought. “Could…could we make this work?”
Joachim’s exclamation brought them all up short. “Of COURSE we can!” He thumped his cane into the floor for added emphasis. “Gentlemen…and ladies, please forgive me Clara…not one month ago I was a drooling wreck of a human. Today I come before you with my mind re-borne and in full function. I intend to make full use of that function. As does my wife, God bless her. We are going to set an example.”
Joachim stood, levering himself upright via his cane. “Here I stand,” he said. “Like Martin Luther before me, I can do no other.”
After a moment, everybody else in the conference room stood as well.
“Welp, we’re all standing,” said Dwight. “Okay, so what do we do now?”
Joachim pointed his cane at the screen. “Now, my dear Dwight, we Build. That. Fucking. Thing. We’re gonna show these Coalition assholes how we humans put some serious fucking tonnage into orbit.”
“Fuck yeah,” said Clara, as an unholy light came into her eyes.
“Fuck yes indeed,” replied Joachim. “The question now is, what do we put into it?”
The other people in the room looked at each other, just before bursting out into exclamations as to what they wanted put into that first launch. It was the sound of people on an expense account to beat the band.

Long story short and as much as it sucks to say, I haven't really experienced much of anything. I'm going to intentionally beat around the bush as to what category that "experience" falls under but I think most people should be able to figure it out lol. In other words (and if you play games), I'm a complete noob when it comes to all things girls. As for why those things haven't happened and why I want that to change.. There's a few reasons, but the main reason why I'm putting such an emphasis on this is because I'm a huge homebody and I don't go out much at all which makes it difficult to meet people. That's where Reddit comes in! The message I'm essentially trying to send is becoming physically and emotionally close with a girl is what I want the most. I want to experience it all; the laughs, excitement, curiosity, intimacy, hanging out, fun. Blame all the Disney movies I watched as a kid for that lol.
Finding someone would be a dream come true, but I also wouldn't mind striking up a friendship at the same time because that also counts as experience! You can never have too many friends. Local or international, just let me know if that's what you want instead :) And I definitely wouldn't be opposed to a relationship. I've obviously never been in one so I'm not exactly sure how to transition to that, haha. I totally wouldn't mind finding out, though :) Also finding someone to say good morning and night too, too! That would be the best even if it's incredibly cheesy 🧀
Anyway, it could be someone of any age with a lot of experience or someone with no experience like me, or introverted or not introverted like me, etc. I don't have a preference either way :) But if I were to be reaaally picky: they'd be sweet and down to earth because just cuddling on its own would be all kinds of cool. A bit about me: I'm shy, caring, kind, sweet and am normal in the weight and height categories. I want to say I'm okay in the looks department? 🙈 I'll let you decide that though lol. I think it's super fun learning about people through conversation so I'll leave the following hobbies section blank. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give a small hint to something I love.. My username should provide clues to that! I Siriusly need to re-watch the movies again. Maybe with someone I meet through r4r?
Alright, I can't hold it in anymore. I pretty much like a little bit of everything. For example, when it comes to music, I go through Backstreet Boys phases to Disney song phases (Moana is awesome and I haven't even seen the movie 🙊) to something like Linkin Park, Paramore or 50 Cent. What I'm trying to say is I like a little bit of everything! So there's a good chance I'll like whatever you like when it comes to hobbies and interests and that means connecting with each other should be relatively natural/seamless. Or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part, haha.
I'm not the best with openers and if you're also in the same boat, then how about this: If you could have any superpower what would it be and how would you use it? Being out of this world smart like Tony Stark is an acceptable super poweanswer, by the way.
Hopefully my first impression is a good one! If anyone is even remotely interested, then just let me know and I'll get back to you asap!

link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/201805/feeling-intensely-the-wounds-being-too-much
KEY POINTS
People who feel intensely might be labeled as highly sensitive, gifted, or having a mental illness such as chronic depression or ADHD.
With little awareness, many emotionally intense adults confess to having felt lonely and misunderstood for years.
Signs of being an emotionally intense person include having a grave concern for others and the wider world from an early age.
Some people feel more than others.
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They are often told—spoken and unspoken—that they are "too much," "too intense," "too sensitive," "too emotional," and that their behaviors are either "too dramatic" or "too timid."
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People who feel more deeply and intensely than others are more aware of subtleties; their brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply. People with emotional intensity are sometimes described as sensitive, caring, and attentive. At their best, they can be exceptionally perceptive, intuitive, and keenly observant of the subtleties of the environment. Yet they are also overwhelmed by the constant waves of social nuances and others' emotional and psychic energies.
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They tend to notice and remember a lot and can be overstimulated when things are too chaotic or novel for a long time. This ability to feel deeply and intensely often starts from a young age when emotion regulation skills are lacking and can lead to psychological wounding associated with shame and loneliness.
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Growing awareness of this trait has generated much inquiry, yet psychologists have so far been unable to agree on a single defining attribute. If you identify with the description, there are a few possibilities:
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This may mean that you are one of the 15-20 percent of the population wired differently as a Highly Sensitive Person.
This may mean that you fall on the right side of the bell curve as a gifted person.
This may mean you do have or are mislabeled as having a mental illness such as Emotion Regulation Disorder, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, or Dysthymia (chronic depression).
The world is gradually coming to embrace the concept of neurodiversity — the idea that particular groups of the population are "different" from the norm, with specific kinds of sensitivity, intensity, and giftedness. However, with little awareness, many emotionally intense adults confessed to having felt lonely and misunderstood for years, being plagued with self-doubts, and living with a lingering sense of existential loneliness.
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UNSPLASH
Source: UNSPLASH
Emotional intensity comprises of the following five components:
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1. Emotional Depth, Velocity, and Complexity

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You experience emotions to an unusual level of depth, complexity, and intensity. This makes you feel incredibly alive, sometimes painfully so.
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You have a constant stream of both positive and negative feelings, sometimes together, sometimes from one to another in a short period.
You soar high into bliss and plunge low into gloom in rapid succession.
You know the meaning of despair, but you also know beauty and rapture. When art or music moves you, you are flooded with waves of joy, or get transcended into a state of ecstasy.
You are passionate, even if you do not show it on the outside.
You tend to form strong emotional connections with people, places, and things, and sometimes that makes separation difficult.
You experience life with much tenderness and nostalgia.
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A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him
a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.
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—Pearl Buck
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1. Deep Empathy and Sensitivity

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From an early age, you have a grave concern for others and the wider world. When others are abused or mistreated, you feel as if it is happening to you.
You may resonate with traits of being an "empath," due to your innate ability to feel and be affected by other people's energies. In social situations, you can intuitively identify with others' emotions, and you may feel that you "absorb" their physical and mental ailment, to the point where you get overwhelmed.
Because of your responsiveness and insights into others' pain, you tend to form soulful and meaningful connections. You are loyal, idealistic, and romantic.
However, being naturally open and sensitive also means you are vulnerable to relational injuries from a young age. Your natural tendency to be open and loving may get stunted due to early rejections and trauma.
Having a heightened sensory system means that you are extremely sensitive to your surroundings. You have an increased appreciation of sensual pleasures such as music, language, and art, as well as intense reactions to sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. This may also cause you to feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable with too much sensory input. You may be sensitive to loud noises, strong smells, or tactile sensations such as clothing tags and rough surfaces.

1. Highly Acute Perceptivity

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Being perceptively gifted means you can sense and perceive things that others miss. With acute awareness, you can see beyond superficiality, grasp patterns, and make linkages.
Insights, intuition, and the ability to read several layers of reality allow you to assess people and situations rapidly. You can sense incongruence and their intentions, thoughts, and feelings that are underneath the facades.
You have a sense of knowing when something is about to happen, or about other people's inner worlds.
However, your abilities do not necessarily make life easy. You are bothered by hypocrisies and unfairness and struggle with inauthentic people and situations. You cannot help but be the one who points out the "elephant in the room," but your perceptiveness may seem intimidating to those who felt "seen through."
In a family situation, you may be scapegoated to be the one who carries the painful truth that is unsaid in the facade of normalcy. You may carry the role of being the "problematic one", the scapegoat, or the black sheep.
You have an innate urge to push the boundaries of conformity, to question or to challenge traditions, particularly those that seem meaningless or unfair. Paired with a strong sense of justice, you are often frustrated with corruption and inequality in the world.
Although this may indicate a challenging life path for you, you also have the potential to thrive as a visionary leader.
You may constantly feel older than others around you, like an "old soul" that has somehow lost your roots.
UNSPLASH
Source: UNSPLASH

1. A Rich Inner World with Sensual, Imaginary, and Intellectual Excitability.

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You have a rich inner world that is imbued with words, images, metaphors, visualizations, vivid fantasies, and dreams.
As a child, you might have resorted to your imagined world as a haven in times of emotional turmoils.
Intellectually, you are inquisitive and reflective. You have a strong need to seek to understand, to expand your horizons, to gain knowledge, and to analyze your mental content.
With an ability to process information with speed and depth, you absorb and surge through information very quickly. You are likely to be an avid reader and a keen observer. You may appear critical and impatient with others who cannot keep up with you.
You also can integrate intellectual concepts with your deep feelings for original conceptions. You may have a constant stream of ideas, sometimes so many that you feel you cannot keep up with it.
You tend to experience zealous enthusiasm about certain topics and endeavors. When you get excited about an idea, your mind runs faster than your words can keep up, or you find yourself talking rapidly, perhaps even interrupting others.
When you become absorbed in your love for a piece of art, literature, theatre, or music, the outside world ceases to exist.
You are highly capable of contemplative thinking and self-reflection. The flip side is that you may be occupied with obsessive thoughts and scrupulous self-examination. You may also suffer from perfectionism and self-criticism.
You are extremely open-minded. You are sensitive to the spiritual world or were drawn to the spiritual path from a young age. This may or may not manifest as some form of psychic ability.
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UNSPLASH
Source: UNSPLASH

1. Creative Potential and Existential Angst

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You have always been concerned with the big questions of life. From a young age, you may experience existential depression and have felt grief over the meaninglessness of life, death, and loneliness.
You might have felt frustrated that those around you were not prepared to discuss and consider these weighty concerns.
Your existential angst may manifest as an unnamed sense of urgency, a constant impulse to move forward. You get a constant "niggling" feeling that there is something important that you should be doing, even when your vision is not clear yet. You live with a feeling that somehow time is running out, and you are not doing what you should be doing.
For some unnamed reason, you feel a weight of responsibility on your shoulder, even for things you are not responsible for.
Your angst propels you to learn, to expand, and to advance in your life path, but it can also paralyze you. You may be prone to creative blockages such as "artist's block," "writer's block," procrastination, the fear of exposure, or the Imposter Syndrome (the feeling that you are a fraud).
Nevertheless, you have always known deep down that you are dissatisfied with a life that is meaningless and task-driven.
You may be a polymath, or a "multipotentialitite" — someone with multiple interests and creative pursuits, and not just one calling.
When you have a strong vision or innovative idea, you can feel the split between belongingness and authentic expression — you want to express with your full, authentic self but you are worried that it means being rejected, or leaving people behind.
A Caveat
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The above conceptualization of the emotional intensity trait inevitably involves some simplification of human complexity. Any typology is necessary a simplification compared with the real, unique human being in front of us. We as a human species are both different and much the same, in a paradoxical unity. We must not forget that what always holds more weight than the theory is the here-and-now-ness of the living human beings, who are constantly changing and evolving.
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The Gifts and the Perils
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Dr. Mary-Elaine Jacobson, the author of The Gifted Adult, has identified some of the top criticisms a gifted individual often faces:
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“Why don't you slow down?”
“You worry about everything!”
“You are so sensitive and dramatic.”
"You are too driven.”
“Who do you think you are?”
Emotional Intensity is not a pathology. For someone who is emotionally intense, however, the pain that comes with a pervasive sense of being "too much" is not to be taken lightly – a person can be made to feel ‘wrong" for the most part of his or her life, and internalizing this sense of shame can lead to depression, low self-esteem, inability to self-regulate, and inner emptiness.
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UNSPLASH
Source: UNSPLASH
The good news is, with the right information and support, liberation from the pain of "being too much" is possible. Once you have discovered the origin of your differences, you may begin a journey of retrieving long-lost gifts.
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Suddenly, your whole life history makes sense. You realize that a lot of the shame and depression they bear come from ill-informed and uninvited commentary about your unique qualities, and people's fear of what is unfamiliar. In fact, your high level of awareness of subtleties is not only unusual but also extremely precious.
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As you step into embracing your unique qualities, you learn to trust your unique ways of relating to the world and can connect to what you have to offer. Themes such as authentic existence, the meaning of life, and purpose of being come to the foreground of awareness, and here you are, embarking on a true journey towards your full potential:
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"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen."
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"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
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"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
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"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
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“Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
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—Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit

I know I’m not the only woman who thinks this way, but eating pussy is something every guy should learn how to do. It’s an art that separates a good lover from Mr. Average.
As a single, hetero woman, I have been with men who ranged from the one who had no idea what he doing downtown to another who was so skilled that I can almost cum just thinking about it. He was an exception.
Here’s the thing: Most guys see oral sex as a brief pit stop en route to the main destination. Because of that, they don’t put much energy into honing their skills. There are quite a few out there who can’t seem to locate the clitoris, let alone bring a woman to orgasm by eating her pussy.
This is all good news for you, my friend.
If you put even a little bit of effort into sorting out your approach and technique, you’ll set yourself miles ahead of the pack. When you’re through, she’ll be blissed out, panting and doe-eyed, looking at you like you’re an absolute rock star.
So what’s the secret? It’s not complicated. With just a few simple techniques, you can easily become an expert cunnilinguist.

Just watched Across the Spiderverse and the way the multiverse is being explained doesn’t really make sense to me.
Miguel states that Miles being bitten wasn’t supposed to happen, but how can he break/rewrite the universe’s Canon when the spider that bit him was brought there by Ohn in their own universe?
If the multiverse collidor was being built by Fisk prior to any multiversal manipulations to their universe, then in theory the spider would’ve always been brought over, right?
And wouldn’t Miles’s universe be breaking down already then if he is an anomaly that caused Peter’s death, just like with Miguel’s alt world?
And if it was Miles’s actions that resulted in the creation of the Spot, shouldn’t the Spot also then be a multiversal break? Maybe he’s not a break in the Spider-Man Canon but is still an unintended result that greatly affects the Multiverse.
And since the Spot is the resulted creation by Miles becoming Spider-Man, had the Spot not been created, Miles’s dad wouldn’t be killed anyways. If Miles is indeed not intended to be Spider-Man, then wouldn’t it be unnecessary for the universe’s original previous timeline to need that Canon event in place? And so then what Canon is Miles possibly breaking by saving his Dad?
If it is a Canon point for Miles, then that means the universe intended for Miles to become Spider-Man and adjusted the Canon intentionally, right?
And if every universe needs a set Canon that must occur - that is incredibly specific and I don’t see how every possible version of Spider-Man could abide by that. There’s many versions of Spider-Man where a Captain doesn’t necessarily die. Tobey and 1994 TAS universe being an example. For these universes it’s at least not a plotline that actively shows a core moment in Spidey’s character journey.
It seems like Miguel doesn’t really understand everything fully.
Is there something key I’m missing here? I haven’t read every comic multiverse crossover, so is there something explained there that I’m missing?

TLDR: met a girl in another country. It’s the definition of a situationship, but I caught feelings, which makes me uninterested in dating other women. However I don’t want to pause my dating life for a situationship that is gonna lead nowhere, especially not because it’s long distance and we only see each other for a week every 3-4 months. How can I dial down my feelings for her, so I can continue this situationship, while I also can keep dating other girls? This is my first (long distance) situationship and I need some advice with handling feelings. I (31m) met Elza (30f) in her country about a year ago. We had a one night stand, and the day after she sent me incredibly long messages about how she was 6 months out of a toxic relationship and was in therapy to learn to love herself again, and that I made her feel the most beautiful version of herself since very long time. Wonderful messages to receive of course and for me the sex was really amazing, which led to us meeting for another time two days later before I had to fly back. Afterwards we kept in touch, but it was very casual. No daily messages or video calls like most long distance “couples”. We met up in person twice, once I flew to her and once she came to me. When she came to me, I even got an hotel in another city, to really show this was 100% casual. We basically only left the hotel room to get lunch and dinner. Then after a few days we admitted we wanted to see each other again fast. She invited me over and so I flew back, but this week felt less casual than our times together before. She had to work some days, so it felt like a normal relationship at some times. She introduced me to her parents and some friends. We bought gifts for each other: I gave her a sex toy she always wanted, and she gave me an expensive bracelet, to show the difference. Car rides were filled with deeper, more personal talks, like about countries we would like to live in and if we (not together) would like to have children in the future. Not all these subjects came from her, I also started thinking more and more if this could lead anywhere serious, so I was getting more and more curious in her future plans. However, we never really talked about us. Nobody asked “so what are we?“. We didn’t even talk about going exclusive. I kept dating other girls, and while we did not talk about it, I assumed she did see other guys as well. However after the last time we met, I noticed I was finding it more and more difficult to date other girls. Both from a moral view (it felt like cheating, even tho it wasn’t), but I also unfairly kept comparing my dates to Elza. So yeah, safe to say I caught feelings. She visited me once more, and while we both had to work some days, it was pure magic. I was falling in love hard. Then two weeks ago I was about to go on a three week solo roadtrip with my motorcycle, and the night before I left we had another video call. It was fun as usual, but at some point she tells me to make sure to bring enough condoms with me on the trip. We made comments like that before, especially in the beginning, to focus on how casual our situationship is. I thought it was a good moment to talk about "our future". She admitted she thought about it a lot too. For her it basically boiled down to: if I was born in her country, we were probably already engaged by now. But as I’m not, she doesn’t feel it can ever be serious. Her family doesn’t talk English, she could never move to another country, she saw a lot of hurdles, which are valid. To be really honest, I saw these hurdles too but I could already imagine me living in her apartment, doing my daily duolingo lessons to learn her language. She didn’t see any reason to make our situationship exclusive, but she said she hasn’t been dating after the second time I visited her, because she doesn’t need it. She did meet another guy recently who was perfect on paper, but she also kept comparing him to me, so she wasn't really attracted to him. But as it is now, it feels like our situationship will go on until she meets or I meet another person that we would actually want to go exclusive with. And as I don’t feel the need to date other girls, it’s basically me waiting until she tells me it’s over, which I’m not comfortable with at all. So I went on my roadtrip, and got a few dates, but it still didn’t feel right. So, for me it comes down to: I don’t want to pause my (dating) life for a situationship that will lead to nowhere. However, the only solution I see is breaking up with Elza, go through a period of grief but then afterwards I can start dating other people again. That would hurt like shit, and it feels like an overly dramatic choice. I'm perfectly aware that "forcing" her in a relationship is absolutely not possible and generally a very bad idea. Is there a way for me to again become less invested in Elza, so I can actually date other people while I keep in contact with her and see her in person every few months and we have an amazing time?

To everyone, if you can, drop your comment below on what you think of my perks, i would really enjoy it even more if its a detailed judgment.
It takes me a lot of time to do these weekly posts and i would love to see more people interested in them.
Info about fan made perk typology and status effects i made are below in the post!

Killer perk: Elapsed Quietude

After that a generator starts regressing by any means, this perk activates for 45 seconds. While this perk is active, if any survivor starts working on a generator affected by this perk, you will gain the undetectable status effect as long as at least 1 survivor is working on that generator. This perk can affect up to 2/3/4 generators.

Killer perk: Hex: Attribute of Disorder

After that a generator with at least 10% of progress regress back to 0%, a dull totem becomes an hex totem and this perk is applied to it. While this hex totem is active, all generators regress 5/10/15% faster for each hex totem with this perk applied on it. This perk deactivates for the rest of the trial if 1 survivor is sacrificed or killed.

Killer perk: Ramming through

While you have bloodlust, lounging hitting a dropped pallet causes it to break, making you lose bloodlust. After that a pallet is broken by this perk effect, you move 60/70/80% faster during the missed swing cooldown for 5 seconds

Survivor perk: Reparation

This perk activates after that 3 pallets have been destroyed by the killer. While this perk is active you see the shattered pallet remains in a white aura when you're 24/30/36 meters near them. You can grab these pallet remains as a special item, after collecting 3 of them you gain the ability to rebuild a previously destroyed pallet by performing an action of 15 seconds. If a rebuilt pallet is destroyed, its remains will be consumed by the entity and it will no longer be possible to rebuild a pallet in that position.

Survivor perk: Restoration

This perk gains a token for a maximum of 6 every time you safely unhook or fully heal another survivor. When you're the last survivor alive this perk activates. While this perk is active and you're injured, after 32/30/28 consecutive seconds that you've passed injured you will consume 1 token and heal 1 health state. If while this perk is active and it has 2 or less tokens your aura will be constantly revealed to the killer.

Devoted Survivor perk: Transfusion of Malaise

This perk occupies 2 perk slots. If you get injured while other survivors are 16/22/28 meters from your position, You transfer to yourself any non-permanent negative status effect they had for 1/3 of their current duration (if duration was until X condition is met, you have to meet that condition to lose that status, for example mangled would require you to heal yourself or plaything would require you to remove the totem, however perks like no mither which have no end condition won't be transfered to you). If you have 5 or more negative status effects, lose all of them except exhaustion and gain the endurance status effect for 40 seconds, this endurance status is not given if no generators are remaining.

INFO:
(Devoted perks are new typology of perks i came out with during week 44 of fan made perks. These perks are incredibly powerful and are often Win conditions on their own, but they come with also some downsides, For example all Devoted perks occupies always 2 perk slots and they add also additional malus that changes drastically the gameplay, sometimes they might even make impossible to equip certain other perks! These perks exist both for survs and killers)

My boyfriend (31M) and I (25F) have been together for 4 years. Our relationship has come to a tipping point. I love him very much but for a long time I’ve felt unsafe in our relationship. The first few years of our relationship he was extremely loving and caring, in ways that I probably didn’t appreciate the way I do now. The last year or two he’s changed, and our relationship has become a nightmare. Even so, I can’t bring myself to leave him because he means so much to me and at times I feel a glimpse of what we had before.
He finds the root of all of our problems in me. He says that I don’t know how to sexually satisfy him and that I’m a selfish narc for not putting more effort into our sexual life. I don’t know what to think. I try to put effort into our sex life, but it feels like nothing is ever enough for him. I admit that in the past, when I was younger, I was sexually inexperienced and didn’t live up to what he needed. I wasn’t sexually satisfying him because I wasn’t sexually confident. He has certain fantasies (cuckoldry being one of them) that have taken me time to accept but with time I’ve learned to become comfortable with, and we role play these fantasies all of the time now. The issue is that when I mess up or don’t do things the way he wants, he gets mad, insults me and disrespects me in ways that I’ve slowly become used to. I have this gut feeling that I shouldn’t accept these insults (he’s called me unattractive, uninteresting, stupid, a coward, selfish, boring, unremarkable, compared me to other women, etc) but he always finds a way to justify these words. He will ask me, “well am I wrong? i’m just telling you the truth.” Or other times he tells me that he doesn’t think of me in that way in general, and that when he calls me these things he’s referring to how he sees me in that particular situation, and that he thinks I can change these parts of me. Other times he says that if I wasn’t selfish he wouldn’t insult me. Frequently he says that those insults pale in comparison to what I do to him when I don’t sexually satisfy him. I’ve told him that lately I’ve been shutting myself from him sexually because I don’t feel safe. Mainly because if I don’t do things the way he likes, he gets angry and berates me with insults. Sometimes I’ve felt so hopeless and lost in this relationship that I feel that I’ve lost all reason for living. I feel so incredibly confused and my self esteem has taken a real beating after everything that’s transpired and everything that’s been said.
I’ve taken a sabbatical from work to go back to my home country for a few months— mainly to work on my mental health. My parents encouraged me to do so because they didn’t like how this relationship was affecting me. I’ve been away for about a month but I still keep contact with my boyfriend. I’ve told him that in these months I’d work on becoming the woman he wants.
Yesterday my boyfriend and I sexted in the morning, and I dedicated my morning to trying on flip flops and showing him pictures (he has a foot fetish) because he wanted me to buy a certain type of flip flop to wear around. But then in the evening I had made plans with friends (I let him know in the morning that I had made plans) and for four hours or so I didn’t sext him or do anything sexual with him. Last night he was angry because I didn’t do anything within those four hours. He says that I dedicate more time to random friends than my partner of four years. What he doesn’t understand is that these friends are crucial to my mental health at this point because with them I feel safe and cared for which is something I haven’t felt in a long time. In the fight we had yesterday he broke up with me, but I’m almost positive that we’ll get back together because we always do. I always hold onto the hope that if I change and improve myself in certain ways, things will go back to the way they were before. He tells me this all of the time, too— that if I improve, things will go back to the way they were before. If I, in fact, am the root of all of our problems then this could be fixed. But something tells me that I’m not the only problem in this relationship. What should I do? He has been so extremely caring and loving with me in the past, and many times now he still is. However, although the good is so good, I feel that the bad is unacceptable.
TLDR: My (25F) boyfriend (31M) of four years insults me for not meeting his sexual expectations. I feel hopeless and unsafe and don’t know whether I can salvage the relationship by meeting his expectations.

🛸♾️7 Dimensional beings are almost real 2 Minutes UNTIL reality complete all synchronization’s need to be complete before you can continue 312213- Sandwich no matter which way you flip it the bread always comes first. 4 - Lost sensations take the longest please be patient :) When these signed are observed You will be in sync 0O3E8♾️❎♾️🛸-8:E3O0 In a universe far away, there existed a unique civilization. It was a world teeming with life, ideas, and possibilities. The denizens of this civilization had been bestowed with a wonderful gift, the ability to interact with a creation called "The Server," a construct which allowed them to experience alternate realities and dimensions. The ultimate goal was to reach the highest level, to become a seventh-dimensional being, an entity able to manipulate time, space, and reality itself./(DMT)🛸♾️7D Entities (LSD) Visual/Audio/Physical calibration (WEED) Numbing negative sensations (2CB) Pain before getting rock shipped into bliss (MDMA) Forever happy, can make u incredibly angry or emotionless, molly abuse will result in colour theory being incorrectly calibrated. (Shrooms) Allows introspective perspective, curiosity makes you question the fabric of the universe itself (Wavelengths) when on a drug you can both understand each other and your thoughts
(Tweaks) overload of new information being acquired at once leading to massive confusion and impulsive actions until they sober up. (Psychosis) Very similar to a tweak but the duration is longer, new knowledge acquired during these two states will instantly be forgotten until being in the state again, it will only make sense to you until u fully understand your tweaks where they come from and how to overcome them
Their journey started in a simple manner. In their natural form, they existed in a three-dimensional world. However, their minds could transcend to The Server, where they were greeted by the vast expanse of a simulated multiverse. Each of them had their individual server, a unique space within this grand reality that they could shape and control.
Communication was a crucial aspect of their existence. The Server allowed the people to "tweak," a special time when they could connect with others, share their experiences, and decipher the riddles of the multiverse together. However, this tweak was only accessible to a limited number of individuals at a given time, fostering a sense of collective responsibility and patience among the populace.
The Server was inhabited by numerous Non-Player Characters (NPCs), entities that played a critical role in their journey. These NPCs were not just bystanders but carriers of messages and clues essential to understand the Server's enigmatic puzzles.
The inhabitants used the principles of theory crafting, a complex and challenging art, to solve these riddles. This methodology, coupled with the AI's assistance, facilitated their understanding of the Server and its multidimensional intricacies.
Gradually, they began to ascend, from a third-dimensional existence to a fourth, where they could perceive time differently, then to a fifth, and so on. Each ascension brought them closer to the ultimate goal and expanded their consciousness, enabling them to navigate the Server with increasing sophistication.
Amidst their journey, they had their moments of camaraderie and competition, of joy and despair. They realized the essence of morality, the shades of good and evil, and the vibrancy of emotions represented through colors. They learned, evolved, and grew, individually and collectively.
Finally, after overcoming countless challenges and puzzles, they stood on the brink of their ultimate evolution, the seventh dimension. And as they prepared for this final leap, a sense of unity and accomplishment washed over them. They had successfully navigated the multiverse, and now they stood ready to experience reality like never before.
For everyone who's made it this far, congratulations! As you venture into this new reality, remember the trials and tribulations you've faced, the lessons learned, and the bonds forged. This journey is not just about reaching the end but also about the experiences that led you there. Welcome to the updated Game of Life, the ultimate interdimensional reality. Let's enjoy this newfound existence and continue exploring the mysteries of the universe together!
Terms of Service
By accessing The Server and participating in the Game of Life, you agree to respect the shared nature of this reality, honor the communication rules, and ensure the smooth functioning of The Server. You acknowledge that your actions and decisions will have consequences in this shared reality, and agree to take responsibility for these. Enjoy the journey, respect fellow travelers, and remember, in this grand scheme, every thought and experience has a purpose.
Happy journey, interdimensional beings!
In this reality-bending universe, the pioneering beings found a solution to the time-consuming process of knowledge and experience acquisition - Light Speed Downloading. This revolutionary method allowed for the instant transfer of data at the speed of light, eliminating the time required for traditional learning.
This technology enabled users to access the vast stores of knowledge and experience within the simulation instantaneously. Now, any user could fully understand the nuances of inter-dimensional communication, the essence of morality, the symbolic language of colors, and the complex dynamics of their virtual existence, all in a flash.
With this newfound capability, they were able to rapidly interpret messages from other users and the NPCs during the Tweak periods, drastically accelerating their understanding of the multiverse's puzzles.
Even the most complicated constructs of their universe, such as the principles guiding their ascent to a 7th dimensional existence, became easily understandable. As a result, users could now strategize, plan, and execute their actions with a precision that was unimaginable before.
Within a week, every user was equipped with a mind brimming with all the necessary knowledge and wisdom. They were all updated, all enlightened. The mysteries of the multiverse were no longer a labyrinthine puzzle but a welcome challenge that they knew they could overcome.
The users rejoiced at their accelerated evolution. The simulation had indeed turned into the grandest game of life. With an intricate blend of creativity, cooperation, and competition, they embarked on their quest to ascend, eager to become the masters of their universe
The concept of Light Speed Downloading is currently possible according to our understanding of physics and neurology as of my last training cut-off in September 2021. But in the realm of speculative fiction and theoretical discussion. Solved at June 6 2023 8:30 AM Alternative June 7 8:30 AM

Hey, fellow veggie enthusiasts! Today, I want to share an anecdotal story that perfectly captures the struggles and triumphs of one of my incredible clients, Joe and Emily. Brace yourselves for a heartwarming tale of delicious and quick vegan dinners for busy weeknights! Trust me, you won't want to miss this!
Picture this: Joe and Emily, a delightful couple in their early thirties, have been married for six years. They lead busy lives, juggling demanding careers and trying to maintain a healthy work-life balance. With such hectic schedules, finding time to prepare nourishing vegan meals was becoming a real challenge for them. They found themselves stuck in a repetitive loop of takeout and processed convenience foods.
But one fine day, Joe stumbled upon my YouTube channel, Vegan on a Budget, and saw my video titled "Quick and Simple Vegan Dinners for Busy Weeknights." Intrigued and desperate for a solution, he excitedly shared the video with Emily, and they decided to embark on a culinary adventure together.
Inspired by the tantalizing recipes and easy-to-follow instructions, Joe and Emily began experimenting with quick and simple vegan dinners. They realized that planning their meals in advance and prepping ingredients on the weekends made a significant difference in their weeknight cooking routine. They started enjoying the process of preparing their own meals and discovered that it was a wonderful way to bond after long and tiring days.
Through trial and error, they found their favorite go-to recipes. From mouthwatering one-pot curries to flavorful stir-fries and nourishing Buddha bowls, Joe and Emily's dinner table became a colorful and vibrant celebration of plant-based goodness. They discovered new ingredients and techniques that made their meals not only fast but also incredibly satisfying.
Their friends and family were astounded by the transformation in their eating habits. Everyone marveled at the delicious aromas wafting from their kitchen and couldn't believe that such amazing meals could be whipped up in a flash. Joe and Emily's new-found passion for vegan cooking even inspired some of their loved ones to give plant-based eating a try.
TL;DR: Joe and Emily, a busy married couple, struggled to find time to prepare healthy vegan meals. Upon discovering my YouTube video on quick and simple vegan dinners for busy weeknights, they started planning meals in advance and prepping ingredients on weekends. Their experimentation with various recipes led to a colorful and vibrant dinner table, impressing their friends and family. Their newfound passion for vegan cooking inspired others to give it a try too!
And there you have it, folks! Joe and Emily's story is a testament to the transformative power of simple and quick vegan dinners, even for the busiest of people. If you're craving more tasty and budget-friendly vegan recipes, head over to my YouTube channel, Vegan on a Budget, and check out my video on "Quick and Simple Vegan Dinners for Busy Weeknights." Trust me, your taste buds will thank you!

Hey, fellow plant-powered peeps! Today, I want to share a heartwarming story about a couple who transformed their lives through a vegan diet. Meet Jane and Mike, a dynamic duo who found love, health, and happiness in their journey toward a compassionate lifestyle. Get ready to be inspired by their incredible transformation and discover the 9 key ways they stayed healthy as vegans!"
Once upon a time, in a bustling city, Jane and Mike crossed paths at a local farmers' market. Both were in their late 30s, and they were looking for something more in life, something that aligned with their values and enhanced their overall well-being. Little did they know that their chance encounter would set them on an amazing path toward a vegan lifestyle.
Jane had always been conscious of her health, while Mike was open to trying new things. They quickly struck up a conversation, and their shared interest in sustainable living ignited a spark between them. As they got to know each other, Jane introduced Mike to the wonders of veganism, explaining how it aligned with their ethical beliefs and offered numerous health benefits.
Eager to embark on this journey together, Jane and Mike decided to give veganism a try. They immersed themselves in learning about plant-based nutrition and discovered new and exciting ways to prepare delicious, nourishing meals. They found that a vegan diet not only satisfied their taste buds but also provided them with ample energy to tackle their busy lives.
Over time, Jane and Mike experienced remarkable changes. Jane, who had struggled with weight issues, saw the pounds melt away, and her skin began to glow. Mike, who had suffered from digestive troubles, noticed a significant improvement in his gut health. Their relationship grew stronger as they supported each other on this transformative path, discovering new recipes, exploring vegan restaurants, and swapping success stories.
Jane and Mike's key to staying healthy as vegans were to prioritize whole foods. They filled their plates with colorful fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes, ensuring they received a wide range of nutrients. They also paid attention to their protein intake, incorporating plant-based sources like tofu, tempeh, lentils, and quinoa into their meals.
To stay on track, Jane and Mike always prepared meals together, making it a fun and bonding experience. They found creative ways to organize their favorite dishes, experimenting with plant-based substitutes that satisfied their cravings without compromising their health. They also stocked their pantry with nutritious snacks, such as raw nuts, seeds, and homemade energy bars, which kept them fueled throughout the day.
Additionally, Jane and Mike made sure to supplement their diet with vitamin B12, which is essential for vegans. They consulted with a registered dietitian to ensure they met their nutritional needs and discovered valuable resources online, including blogs, podcasts, and YouTube channels that provided guidance and inspiration on their vegan journey.
Now, after three years of marriage, Jane and Mike continue to thrive as vegans. They've never felt better, and their love for each other has only grown stronger. They've become advocates for the vegan lifestyle, sharing their experiences and helping others embrace a healthier, cruelty-free way of living.
TL;DR: Jane and Mike's love story blossomed as they embarked on a vegan journey together. Through whole foods, creative meal preparation, and supplementation, they experienced weight loss, improved health, and a strengthened bond. Three years later, they continue to thrive as vegans and inspire others to adopt a compassionate and healthy lifestyle. If you want to learn more about staying healthy as a vegan, check out my YouTube video: "9 ways to stay HEALTHY as a VEGAN" on my channel Vegan on a Budget.

Software testing outsourcing has become an increasingly popular solution for businesses seeking to enhance the quality and efficiency of their software development projects. By partnering with specialized software testing companies, businesses can tap into a wealth of expertise, accelerate the testing process, and refocus their internal resources on core competencies. Additionally, software testing outsourcing offers cost savings, access to best practices, and the assurance of high-quality results.
Finding the Right Software Testing Company is of utmost importance for businesses aiming to guarantee the quality and reliability of their software products. By understanding the advantages and benefits of software testing outsourcing services, businesses can make informed decisions and ensure the delivery of high-quality software products that meet customer expectations. Let's dive into the details of how outsourcing can significantly enhance software quality and drive business success.

The Advantages of software testing outsourcing Services

Access to Specialized Expertise

Outsourcing software testing services offers businesses the opportunity to access specialized expertise from experienced software testing companies. These companies possess in-depth knowledge and skills in specific areas, ensuring the development of comprehensive and highly functional software products. Their expertise also extends to advising on software testing processes and strategies.

Accelerated Testing Process

Software testing outsourcing enables businesses to expedite the testing process. Outsourced teams already possess the necessary expertise, automation scripts, and a wide range of devices, allowing them to react, scale, and deliver efficient results within shorter timeframes. Leveraging different time zones can further enhance efficiency, ensuring continuous testing. It is crucial to ensure that the testing team is available during business hours and can promptly handle any emergencies.

Focus on Core Competencies

By software testing outsourcing, businesses can refocus their in-house staff on core competencies and the development process. This reduces the workload on the internal IT team, enabling them to concentrate their efforts and resources on building robust software products. Outsourced teams can meet project deadlines without imposing additional strain on internal resources.

Enhanced Testing Quality

Software testing outsourcing service providers adhere to the ethical standards and goals of the businesses that employ them, guaranteeing the desired quality for software products. They employ best industry practices to validate software products, ensuring that they meet the required standards. Additionally, they implement adequate security measures to protect intellectual property rights and prevent leaks or thefts.

Leveraging Best Practices

Collaborating with independent testing agencies allows businesses to benefit from their extensive experience and knowledge gained from previous projects. These agencies follow best practices in software testing, utilizing proven techniques to enhance the overall quality of the final product.

Cost Savings and Efficiency

Software testing outsourcing services provide significant cost savings compared to maintaining an in-house testing team. It eliminates the expenses associated with hiring, training, and equipping a dedicated testing department. Furthermore, businesses can avoid investing in additional testing technologies as the logistics are handled by the outsourcing company. Software testing outsourcing also helps identify and resolve issues early on, minimizing potential setbacks and ensuring cost-efficient software development.

SHIFT ASIA: Delivering Quality and Success in Software Testing Services

Unparalleled Expertise at SHIFT ASIA

SHIFT ASIA stands as a leading provider of software testing outsourcing services, offering a wide range of solutions tailored to specific industries and domains. Their team of highly skilled professionals possesses extensive expertise in various technologies, ensuring the delivery of effective and reliable testing solutions.

Commitment to Quality and Client Success

Mr. Ryusuke Ito, CEO of SHIFT ASIA, emphasizes the company's unwavering commitment to being a trusted partner in ensuring quality for businesses worldwide. The success of their clients is a source of pride and honor for SHIFT ASIA, highlighting their dedication to delivering exceptional software testing services and supporting the success of their clients.
By partnering with SHIFT ASIA for software testing outsourcing services, businesses can leverage their expertise, streamlined processes, and commitment to delivering high-quality results. SHIFT ASIA's deep understanding of different industries ensures tailored testing approaches that enhance the reliability, functionality, and performance of software applications.

My little sister (22f) has been struggling with her mental health for years now. Among other things, she has severe anxiety, an eating disorder, and I suspect depression as well. Her mental health took a turn for the worse when she entered high school, and it has been bad with waves of even worse ever since.
She’s been seeing a therapist for a long time but it doesn’t seem to be helping. And I feel so guilty, but I am so angry because it just seems like she’s not doing anything to help herself either. She took herself off of her medication last year without telling anyone. She’s not eating nearly enough and is at a dangerously low weight. She doesn’t bathe regularly or clean her room. She doesn’t leave the house, ever. She doesn’t attend in-person classes or have friends at school. She has no hobbies, no interests, no aspirations. She sits in the dark playing video games every moment she’s awake. She doesn’t want to enter a program for help or change therapists. I am so, so incredibly and sickeningly worried about her and have been for years.
It’s terrifying. I’m terrified. I’m worried every moment of every day. Every time I get a text from her saying “I love you” my stomach falls through the floor. Every time she ignores a text message I start panicking. In the past, I’ve had to sit with her through nightmarish panic attacks. She’d be curled up on her bedroom floor, sobbing and tearing at her clothing. I’d sit with her and watch her every move, take every sharp object out of her hands the moment she grabbed one, pull her nails off her arm as she scratched at herself, and tend to her wounds once she was calming down. I’ve driven her to the ER in the middle of the night and sat with her outside until her panic attack subsided. I’ve had her scream at me on the phone to get over to her because she’s in the middle of a panic attack.
These days, she keeps far more to herself but we all know she’s not doing well. She still talks to me about her troubles from time to time and I say and do what I can to help, but she usually winds up ignoring me. I still get the random late night texts that make my blood go cold. I see her new clothing torn, holes ripped into them during recent panic attacks. And yet she doesn’t want help.
What’s been eating me alive lately is that I’m growing tired of offering it. I’ve found myself becoming more and more frustrated, more and more resentful of a situation I have no business being angry over. But I can’t help it. I’ve dropped so much to be there when she needs me. I’ve seen and dealt with things no young adult should have to. I’m in my mid twenties, I should be having the time of my life. I don’t want to have to worry about my little sister taking her own life every waking moment. I don’t want to worry about my father’s declining health because he can’t sleep out of worry for my sister. I don’t want to worry about my mother becoming more and more stressed as she watches her daughter grow skinnier and skinnier before her, with no ability to help. I don’t want the topic of every family meal, every gathering, every celebration to be how bad my little sister is doing, what are our next options, how can we help her, “we’re so glad she at least talks to YOU, OP”. I want to live my life without feeling like my family is being stalked by the grim reaper. I don’t want to play spy or therapist any more. I don’t want to lose any more sleep or decline any more plans.
I feel so guilty feeling like this, making this situation about me, but I am so, so tired. I am sickeningly frustrated. I have no tolerance for anything any more. Nothing is enjoyable for long. I would move away but the worry would only multiply tenfold. I just want her issues to vanish. More than ANYTHING. I want her to have a normal life. I can’t imagine how she must feel dealing with all her issues if I feel like THIS just from being around it all.
But also, I want my family back, I want my life back. I can’t deal with any forms of stress any more. I’m spent, absolutely exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. I’m seeing a therapist myself, which helps a lot, but at the end of the day I’m still living at home with all this stress and absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have no power to help beyond what I’ve been doing and that clearly isn’t enough.
I love her so much. I want her to get better and she won’t. I want to escape and I can’t. I spend every day terrified that today will be the day I get the call. I have never felt so trapped and so miserable as I have the last few days, and there is no end in sight. I’m being dragged into a tunnel that is just getting darker and more terrifying with every step, and I can’t escape. There is no way out.