Panda express careers

Panda Express

2012.01.08 04:54 Panda Express

Panda Express is a fast food restaurant chain which serves American Chinese cuisine. With over 2,300 locations, it is the largest Asian segment restaurant chain in the United States, where it was founded and is mainly located.
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2012.11.02 14:16 Popeyes

Popeyes Louisiana Chicken
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2008.03.13 22:44 Financial news and views

Welcome to Finance! No Personal Finance, Homework, Personal blogs, or Career-related posts. All questions go in Monday Morning catch-all threads.
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2023.06.08 00:35 smartybrome List of FREE and Best Selling Discounted Courses Thursday, June 8, 2023

Courses for 08 June 2023

Note : Coupons might expire anytime, so enroll as soon as possible to get the courses for FREE.
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GET MORE FREE ONLINE COURSES WITH CERTIFICATE – CLICK HERE
submitted by smartybrome to udemyfreeebies [link] [comments]

2023.06.08 00:35 smartybrome List of FREE and Best Selling Discounted Courses Thursday, June 8, 2023

Courses for 08 June 2023

Note : Coupons might expire anytime, so enroll as soon as possible to get the courses for FREE.
​
GET MORE FREE ONLINE COURSES WITH CERTIFICATE – CLICK HERE
submitted by smartybrome to udemyfreebies [link] [comments]

2023.06.08 00:26 cinnamonsugartoasted AITA for pressing charges against my disabled daughter (35F)?

My wife (65F) and myself (80M) are very wealthy, successful individuals, thanks to my lengthy career as an attorney with my law firm and a large apartment complex my family owns. We have a net worth of around 60M, we own several luxury cars, and three homes that are worth a combined 12M.
Our daughter is our only child and has been very sick for most of her life. She has been receiving palliative care for her chronic illnesses. She was homeschooled for the majority of middle school and high school, and never went to college. She has never had a driver's license. She was a good kid, part of the gifted program, and despite being uneducated she never did anything even remotely rebelious, in fact she had no social life at all and lived with my wife and I until she was 28 years old.
There was a massive family fall out in 2020 when my niece who worked for me at my law firm quit and started her own law firm with one of my law partners. I sued both of them, and they counter-sued me. My daughter and wife started working for me remotely from home. In 2022, I found out that my daughter had been talking to my niece and disclosed to her some private information about my wife that could have had serious legal consequences for her. My wife and I were livid. We fired my daughter, and pressed charges against her, accusing her of stealing 5M from us privately and from my law firm. My daughter had a couple of joint bank accounts with my wife and I, and we allowed her to have access to several of our personal and business bank accounts, which she was allowed to withdraw, transfer, and spend funds at her discretion. We said that she never had our permission and made unauthorized transfers. We then sued her for 10M. We put a lien on her house, so she was unable to sell it, and got a TPO which froze all of her assets. My daughter was unable to afford representation, and settled privately out of court. As part of the settlement, she gave us all of her assets - her 2M home, her inherited shares with an estimated post-tax value of 8M, and her tangible valuables. In exchange we gave her 3000 monthly for 3 years and allowed her to live in the house for 3 years. She went on a month long trip and left the house vacant for a month, so in our eyes she violated the terms of the settlement and we are no longer letting her live in the house or giving her the monthly payments.
My daughter has been issued a 2M felony arrest warrant and will be arrested any day. She has expressed to us that she is terrified of being arrested in large part due to her medical needs and begged us to not do this to her. We want to teach her a lesson for speaking against my wife to my niece. AITA?
submitted by cinnamonsugartoasted to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2023.06.08 00:21 husseinyahfoufi Kids and AI: Pros, Cons + Tips

ChatGPT is less than a year old, and already, there are many of us that rely on it every day for our jobs, businesses, and careers. I've been thinking about what this means for my kids, who will grow up not knowing a world pre-AI.
The full breakdown of these thoughts is posted right here, but all points are included below for discussion as well.
AI Opportunities for Children
However, just like with all technology, AI is a double-edged sword and there are some risks worth noting.
AI Risks for Children
So, given these opportunities and risks, how should parents navigate this AI world?
Parenting Tips for an AI World
By setting a positive example and giving good guidance, we can make sure our kids benefit from AI in a secure and advantageous way.
P.S. If you find this breakdown and tips beneficial, there's more in this free newsletter that shares tips and insights on how to best use AI to grow your business and boost your career.
submitted by husseinyahfoufi to OpenAI [link] [comments]

2023.06.08 00:12 Witty_Second4252 The history Of Etching

The history Of Etching
Introduction
Etching is a form of printmaking that first emerged in the 15th century. It is a technique that involves using acid to etch a design onto a metal plate, which is then inked and printed onto paper. Etching was widely used in the 16th and 17th centuries, particularly by artists in the Netherlands, and it remains a popular technique among contemporary printmakers today. In this essay, we will explore the history of etching art prints, from its origins in the 15th century to its use in the present day.
Origins of Etching
The origins of etching can be traced back to the 15th century, when armorers began using acid to etch designs onto metal armor. This technique was later adopted by goldsmiths, who used it to decorate metal objects such as plates and cups. The process involved covering a metal object with a wax layer, drawing a design into the wax, and then using acid to etch the design into the metal. This process created a relief design on the surface of the metal, which could be further decorated with enamel or other materials.
The first recorded use of etching for printing purposes was in the early 16th century, when German artist Daniel Hopfer began using the technique to create designs for armor. Hopfer's etchings were highly detailed and intricate, and he used the technique to create designs for armor as well as decorative pieces such as plates and cups.
Etching in the 16th and 17th Centuries
Etching became widely popular in the 16th and 17th centuries, particularly in the Netherlands. Dutch artists such as Rembrandt and Jan van de Velde began using the technique to create detailed and highly realistic prints of landscapes, portraits, and still lifes. Etching allowed artists to create fine lines and intricate details that were not possible with other printmaking techniques such as woodcut or engraving.
Rembrandt, in particular, was a master of the etching technique. He used a drypoint etching method, which involved scratching the design directly onto the metal plate with a sharp tool. This technique created softer lines and a more painterly effect than traditional etching methods. Rembrandt's etchings were highly sought after, and he produced over 300 prints during his career.
Etching also became popular in France in the 17th century, particularly among artists associated with the court of Louis XIV. French artists such as Claude Lorrain and Charles Le Brun used etching to create detailed prints of landscapes and portraits. Etching also became popular in England during this time, with artists such as William Hogarth using the technique to create satirical prints of contemporary society.
Etching in the 18th and 19th Centuries
Etching continued to be a popular printmaking technique in the 18th and 19th centuries. In the 18th century, French artists such as Jean-Baptiste Le Prince and Jean-Michel Moreau used etching to create detailed and highly realistic prints of landscapes and portraits. In England, the etching revival of the late 18th and early 19th centuries saw a resurgence of interest in the technique, particularly among artists associated with the Royal Academy.
In the 19th century, etching became a popular technique among American artists, particularly those associated with the Hudson River School. Artists such as Thomas Cole and Asher Durand used etching to create detailed prints of landscapes, capturing the beauty of the American wilderness. Etching also became popular among artists associated with the Arts and Crafts movement, such as William Morris and Walter Crane, who used the technique to create intricate designs for book illustrations and decorative objects.
The 19th century also saw the development of new etching techniques, such as aquatint and soft-ground etching. Aquatint involves applying a fine granulated resin to the metal plate and then etching the design into the plate. This technique creates a range of tonal values, allowing artists to create prints with a wide range of shades and textures. Soft-ground etching involves coating the metal plate with a soft ground material, such as wax or asphaltum, and then drawing the design onto the ground with a pencil or other tool. This technique creates a softer, more textured line than traditional etching methods.
Etching in the 20th and 21st Centuries
Etching continued to be a popular printmaking technique in the 20th century, particularly among artists associated with the modernist movement. Artists such as Pablo Picasso, Henri Matisse, and Marc Chagall used etching to create abstract and experimental prints. Picasso, in particular, was known for his innovative use of the sugar-lift technique, which involves drawing the design onto a layer of sugar solution and then etching the design into the metal plate. This technique creates a soft, painterly effect that is similar to lithography.
In the 21st century, etching remains a popular technique among contemporary printmakers. Artists such as Kiki Smith and Julie Mehretu use etching to create intricate and detailed prints that explore issues such as identity, memory, and history. Etching has also been used in combination with other printmaking techniques, such as screenprinting and digital printing, to create mixed-media prints that incorporate a range of textures and tonal values.
Conclusion
Etching is a versatile and highly expressive printmaking technique that has been used by artists for centuries to create detailed and intricate prints. From its origins in the armor-making and goldsmithing industries of the 15th century to its use by contemporary artists today, etching has played an important role in the development of printmaking as an art form. Whether used to create realistic landscapes and portraits or abstract and experimental designs, etching continues to be a popular and innovative technique among printmakers around the world.
submitted by Witty_Second4252 to collectableblog [link] [comments]

2023.06.08 00:06 rdt_wrtr_4_hire Feeling hopeless, lost, fairly unconcerned with my future.

I'm from east Texas but moved to west Texas a few years ago to get away from hurricanes and, well, people in general. I fell into a great situation, job-wise, and the timing was perfect because I could go for long, beautiful walks out in nature while everyone else was cooped up indoors for COVID back home. It was a fantastic move!
But, now, I'm feeling blah. This beautiful small town is dying due to a lack of tourism and Texas itself seems like it is in hospice, as well. I know industry is banging but because of it and our pushover govt, air and water pollution is crazy bad- especially in the Texas triangle area, where the majority of jobs are located. I don't want to return to the Houston area as that seems to be the worst spot. My mental health (excluding the past few months as I've pondered my next move) has lined out so much while being out here, away. I miss that me from late 2019 to late 2022.
I've thought about taking a teaching gig in rural Cali or Hawaii but just can't shake the feeling that I am supposed to be here, still. Is this fear? A rut? Anxiety about a big change? A delusion?
Don't even know why I'm posting... I guess just to say, "Why even try, anymore?"
I hate to leave Texas as this is home but I just can't see myself staying here, watching it all crumble down around me. It all feels like the tail end of a chess game where your opponent still has a few key pieces and you're just moving the king around, holding off checkmate. But you know it's only a matter of time before the game is over and you have lost. Delaying the inevitable...
Just feeling sad today, I guess. My friends and coworkers keep suggesting to try my luck with an international school but that seems too daunting, plus I have a doggo to take into account. Cali sounds so nice, as long as I'm not in the big cities. Green mountain and blue water? Yes, please. Desert life has been wonderful, and much needed, but I do miss ocean.
I don't even have to teach anymore, really. With my particular childhood and the skills gained by teaching for 15 years, I'm quite a swiss army knife. I suppose I could actually put my biology or geology degrees to good use somehow? Alas, working in a lab and slowly going crazy doesn't seem ideal and I don't care to work for oil and gas. I LOVE teaching science and math and miss doing so before everything became so very political...
I feel like I'm legit grieving a career that has been murdered in Texas.
sad panda noises
Does anyone have a (success!) story wherein they just braved up, picked a new place far, anew life, far away, and rolled with it?
Ideas? Advice? Suggestions? Marriage proposals? Leads? Warnings? Not even sure what I'm seeking by posting on here. Just some... Wisdom, I guess. An outside perspective from someone who doesn't know me at all and who can just look at my situation rationally and tell me, "Dude....[reasonable suggestions]."
submitted by rdt_wrtr_4_hire to Needafriend [link] [comments]

2023.06.08 00:05 Exposing_all_of_PUBG NA Pro Scrims (NAPS) - Where dreams and skill goes to die

In North America we have had a lot of trial and tribulations trying to band our community together as fractured as we are. Most of it is due to how the community acts towards one another, and then from time to time the occasional cheater, but one of the systemic issues unable to get out of its own way would be the people who are responsible for the practice (stranglehold of scrimmages in NA as they have threatened to do whatever they can to ensure no competition rises).
The ownership has had a multitude of faces as it's leader, all of which who have had their own issues in their tenure but as of recent due to the growing toxicity of T1 players, due to their career mortality is setting in being close to 30 and playing for peanuts, there has been a coup within the administration of NAPS to allow for an biased group of individuals to be at the helm of the ship for NA.
When Optical stepped down to promote someone to take the reigns that was when the months of work that T1/Alpha put in worked. They wore down the staff and admins and were relentless to get what they want. You ask what is it that they want? They want to not be an average person's within this community, they must retain their status to ensure that they have enough social credit to go into general chat and be a complete dick any chance they get; or to be able to complain when a new person breaks the rules.
One thing PUBG has always lacked is the common decency to your fellow gamers. Just because you are successful and or trying to be successful doesn't mean that the next guy can't be successful and yourself be successful. The system that has been cultivated within NA is an absolute train wreck that gets altered daily to suite the needs of the Admins in charge. If you haven't watched the matches recently they have enacted a rule where you can't fight C1, nor can you shoot at people in the air, nor can you steal a teams called hard spawn. So effectively the system has handicapped NA to not know how to play the beginning of a match. Making it illegal and punishable by strikes to fight early and or even hot drop (against only a team who ha sa higher tier than you) just promotes even more game day confusion because when you are in an event none of these made up rules exist. So the practice you are getting in NA is practically 2/3 of what you should be getting and would be getting in any scrimmages in any other region.
Just last week rules were changed for a team that has T1 players to be able to manipulate the lobby to ensure they got to play the way they wanted, but as soon as they asserted their power the people who were dropping in their spot backed down and went somewhere else, so then the admins that where on the team that changed the rules then changed the rules back so that no one else could benefit from the change they were making to suit their needs.
When the playing field is ever shifting how do you even have a leg to stand on; let alone be able to grow as a player. So if you have ever had a thought of wanting to play in NA you might as well try another region because the people are threatened by new people who come in and succeed after they have failed time and time again. At one point in time there was something that made NAPS special but now it's just a gutter of internet cretins past their prime trying to cling to the little notoriety they have made for themselves
The last time I surfaced we took down Eva and Spoons for promoting Nazi imagery while in a 303 tournament, and that resulted in Eva's suspension and Spoons Permanent ban so better believe what I say is truth or atleast start doing some research yourself .
So let this be the threat you use to express your discontent for how scrims are ran in NA and how we can improve this going forward.
submitted by Exposing_all_of_PUBG to CompetitivePUBG [link] [comments]

2023.06.08 00:03 anonafaun Is there a name for the extended trauma I experienced?

I went through a traumatic experience which I don't have a name for. I have mostly recovered, but some friends and family couldn't understand how disturbed and fatigued I was for an extended time for what they saw as just a "break up".
If there is a name for this, it would help me find resources, and help me communicate better with family.
The TLDR:
I am a male, who was in a relationship for 15 years with a female "Lucy" (not her real name).
I was in a long intense relationship in which I discovered long-standing betrayals of unusual magnitude and complexity. My mind had to process so many memories from good, but untrue, to terrible, but true, that my mind shattered like glass into 1000's of pieces that then burned like wildfire for five months day and night, without pause, as my mind had to process terrible epiphany after epiphany of all the events I had to reinterpret.
Turns out my girlfriend has one of the personality disorders where she can live contradictory lives, and expertly lie with out lying. I.e. she believes whatever she says when she says it, so normal clues of dishonesty simply are not there.
Forgiveness:
After my own recovery, I have completely forgiven Lucy. Her disorders are the result of her own childhood traumas. I hope that one day she is able to overcome the challenges those traumas have created for her.
The question:
Is there a name for a trauma where so many deceptions are uncovered, so deeply intertwined in life over a long period, that the mind breaks up and has to process an overwhelming number of disturbing epiphanies day and night for months before it is able to start dealing with what happened?
I had friends and family who could not understand why I was so disturbed and so fatigued for so long, over "just a break up".
The timeline:
For the first 11 years we lived two hours apart. It was a wonderfully intense relationship in which we were always happy to see each other, travelled often, constantly did things together and with my friends (who became her friends), spent uncountable nights talking till late hours, etc.
About five years into our relationship, Lucy trusted me enough to open up about bad behaviors in her past and shared that she thought she was a "bad" person. Before me, she had only had short relationships, cheated on every relationship, and stopped caring about each guy so suddenly and coldly that they were all badly hurt, and one of the guys couldn't make sense of it and killed himself.
Since our relationship had always gone extremely intensely well, and she was dealing with her past directly, I thought it was a good sign she was outgrowing past immaturity and irresponsibility.
I also flattered myself that my kind but assertive personality, interesting work, fitness, personality, etc., had given the relationship a longevity that helped her get past her bad patterns. You know, maybe I was special.
And that is how things played out for 11 years.
At that point my work arrangement had become too restrictive, bureaucracy and other factors of partners were leading me into a dead end. So I quit that work and moved closer to Lucy, also closer to universities that would be good for future career moves.
I assumed that seeing each other more than once or twice a week would be wonderful. But Lucy expressed some worries about my not having my interesting job, and her not having her regular escape from town that our long distance situation had provided. Even though we would still travel.
These didn't seem like problems we couldn't adapt to, to me, so I moved down.
Pretty soon Lucy began to disengage a bit. Not a huge difference, but noticeable. We still had good times, but we also spent many nights talking about relationships, and whether the romance or love ever really lasted. For me it did, she wasn't so sure.
But things were stable, and between travel, friends and family we seemed to be doing well. Just not as well.
At the thirteenth year, the distance between us began to grow more. But we had intense discussions, spent lots of time seeming to work on our relationship. But slowly but surely she began to behave erratically. She acknowledged it, and we "worked" on things, but things got crazy. Whole trips with family she would turn hateful and cold, then back again to warm and loving. She never stopped trying to work on things with me, as far as I knew.
At the end of year 15, I happened to overhear her talking as I arrived to go out with her. It was obvious she had another boyfriend I knew nothing about. Then things began unwinding fast.
For two months, I loved her so much I tried convincing her to hit pause and get counseling, but she wouldn't, so I gave up. But revelation after revelation came in. There wasn't one boyfriend, but a few, and then it wasn't the last few months, but a full two years of dozens of relationships, and regular gang bangs with local guys at my vacation home, on and on and on.
Since out relationship was so intense this seemed impossible. But I learned that virtually every interaction we had for the previous two and more years had been deeply dishonest. Money I gave her to help students afford to go on field trips (she was an elementary school teacher) went to liquor for parties. The guy who asked her to dance at a bar that I assumed was a stranger, and seemed a little surprised I was trusting for her to dance. 100's if not 1000's of little incidents changed their meaning. Nights of being sick were obviously spent otherwise.
The high level of time spent and intensity of talks and other interactions we had, now represented an astounding web of lies and deception, beyond anything my mind could comprehend.
My mind had been like a magnet with a million particles all consistently aligned in a coherent direction representing a consistent view of a girlfriend, having temporary challenges with romantic feelings, but working with me to maintain a deeply loving relationship, in a context of a rich life.
But suddenly, every one of these interactions, incidents, implications, had completely opposite, and as I experienced it, horrifying interpretations. Every epiphany of what something really meant, led to a dozen other unthinkable epiphanies, in an overwhelming explosion of reconsideration and processing of what all meant.
It was as if my brain had suddenly caught fire, and the maelstrom just burned and burned as my mind tried to come to terms with every aspect of every betrayal, but it couldn't do it all at once. My mind needed to process every dichotomy, all in the context that the view I had before was deeply intertwined with happiness and a love I still strongly felt. While the mirror image was horrifying, depressing, humiliating, with the only thing recommending it was that it was the true image.
For four or five months, my brain felt horrendous pain all day, every day. Every night was nothing but nightmares, which only ended when I woke up into what was the worst nightmare for me.
I knew I was going to kill myself. There was no doubt. I was so grateful for life, and all the good things life had given me, but this wasn't something I could survive. It was something that made me grateful for life, but also grateful to go into a final sleep.
Fortunately, one friend somehow knew just how be there for me or I would be gone. She would show up with concern when she hadn't heard from me, put her hand on my shoulder, which was the best feeling in the world. She went on a trip with me that I had planned on not coming back. And on the trip, she f**cked my pain away, or at least down to a manageable level.
I owe her my life, and have good memories of that trip. She says it was a horrible time, but she wasn't going to let me go. I will never be able to describe the depth of my gratitude to her.
So here is my question: That process where my mind had to overturn so many interconnected beliefs, from happy but false interpretations of being loved despite joint challenges, to horrifying but true interpretations of being brutally used, is there a name for that? It had to run its course for months, as every bad epiphany triggered other bad epiphanies that I had to process in order, and over and over, before my mind was able to make sense of my life again.
Other than describe it as a firestorm that wouldn't end, the onset also felt like my brain was safety glass that had suddenly shattered into 1000's of tiny pieces, and I had no idea who I was. It was only after months of the ranging mind fire cooled that I was able to slowly piece back together a new version of me.
This seems like something that might not be common, but must have happened to other people.
Does anyone have a name or reference for anything like this?
After story:
I am fine now, but different. I had PTSD for a while, where I would explode and only be aware of it after about 10 seconds or so, then calm down and be terribly confused as to what I was doing. But that has faded. I definitely feel aftershocks, and sensitivities, but I seem to be doing ok. Best of all, I am genuinely happy these days, with a life I like.
submitted by anonafaun to CPTSD [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 23:41 Puzzleheaded-Ad4751 To those who went to college para may maipakitang degree lang

Hi! It’s my first time posting here. Been a silent reader here and I want to express my thoughts about my career life.
Ako lang ba or meron dito nag college lang para may maipakitang degree? Kung meron man dito, what is your story?
I chose the easiest course (for me) in State Uni which is BS Office Ad kasi I thought type type ka lang hahah and I don’t really know what to take since limited lang resources to supply my studying. I’ve considered Psych pero I don’t want to take risk and fail the qualifying exam since ako lang nagpapaaral sa sarili ko nun.
Now na I graduated na last year, worked minimum wage jobs in two companies that I regret. Currently a part time VA kaso hina ng bigayan ng tasks at per hour ang rate. Also looking for another job, apply dito apply dyan. Trying to upskill din sa data analytics.
Somehow, I cannot help but to feel stuck and lost. Some of my friends are successful and they really know their purpose. Pero ako I don’t know what to do in my life. Not aiming to climb the corporate ladder. Oks na kahit entry level to associate basta stable at ka-survive survive naman ang salary.
Naging ganito na mindset ko since pandemic. I don’t want to hustle hard. I just want to survive.
submitted by Puzzleheaded-Ad4751 to phcareers [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 23:25 MillvilleApostate LOREW VEARDS

LOREW VEARDS submitted by MillvilleApostate to dontdeadopeninside [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 23:23 No_Boat5206 Mental health tips. An account of my way out of depression with the hope it might help someone.

Dear fellow INFPs,
I'm addressing this to people who feel like they're stuck mentally. Let me start off by saying eveyone has their own issues, some just bigger than other. Some have more unfortunate situations, others have not-so-bad situations but they experience them negatively, and then there's people who see the beauty of life. Whether you started out with getting help or not, I hope this piece gives you insight in what to do, but especially.. in what order. Looking on the internet there are 1001 ways of therapy, all kinds of guru's who tell you this is THE way! The ONLY way! I mean sure, much of it comes down to the same thing over and over again, but I'm convinced that some things are better before other. Take this account from someone who has been through it, who has tried 101 things, picked the useful ones, who got stuck multiple times, but ultimately can tell you my best experiences. But who am I, except for just another random dude on the intenet?
Where to even start. I've been thinking of writing this piece for a long time but always found reasons to postpone. Ironically. I've been insecure, depressed and suffering from general anxiety disorder for most my life, at least until some time ago. After I tasted the first moments of happiness I made it my mission to keep moving forward, every day possibly better than yesterday. Nine years, a lot of therapy and many hours of psychology self-study later, I want to share with you what I've learned in a condenced form. I'll start off with a little background information. Then I'll follow up with a listed summary followed by why I think doing it in that order is important. Lastly, I'll list a bunch of my sources that helped tremendously. I don't want to make this a feel-sorry story about me so I'll keep it short just for context. If you believe me for my word you can skip one paragraph.
I come from a family with an ISTJ dad and ISFJ mom, both horribly emotionally immature, unavailable, unpredictable and very suspicious of other people. They love me and my brother but were the worst in showing it. My dad hardly talked and stopped playing with us after a motor cycle accident. My mom was burned out most of the time and ready to explode. Now, what kind of things would that teach your kids? They had their own terrible experiences and upbringing, into which I won't go. Not to mention I was born 10 weeks early, lay alone in a machine much time with cordasol basically already coursing through my veins. All in all, me (the quiet good boy) and my brother (the ADHD ESTJ rebel) had completely different lives. He went all out in the rebel behaviour with his gang, vandalism and drugs, whereas I found out about Maplestory and built up an alternate life there, eventually also with drugs. (Real) friends, what are those? Getting beat up twice as freshman, who cares. The Fight/Flight/Freeze response was strong and consistent already at 15 y/o. I didn't know it at the time but the result was a near-permanent pressure on the Solar Plexus, always being tired and having burst of sweat when I came in social situations. The sweat didn't particulatly make it better. You want to try that new thing? Ah better not, you hurt yourself once as a kid so now everything is too dangerous.
The result is what you may expect. A very quiet, badly nail biting, skitterish mommy-child ' adult' who bursts into tears on random moments when alone, never knowing exactly what causes the pain. My first steps in self improvement happened by accident when I went off for further education in the capital. One roommate of mine studied psychology and he introduced me to a mindfulness training.
This is where it starts.
But now? What good is my story without a testimony? Now I'm finally starting a career, regardless of some obstacles. I don't nail bite anymore and handle stress way more easily. I was the star waiter of our restaurant and I'm having my first stand up comedy gig next week as well as acting school. Right now I work as the "very likeable" office manager at a sustainability company. Not everything is perfect, e.g. attachment to a partner and my ability in decision making, but it's all a process. Step by step. Keep your target (happiness?!) in mind and keep going.
(Step one and two are not processes but rather state of mind from which to work on. Let it sink in but don't get stuck on it.)
Step one: Acceptance of your own imperfection. It's okay.
This step sounds obvious but I don't think it is in practice. Too many people I've talked to are ready to talk about the bad things that happen in their life but as soon as you start about their OWN role in the situation, they will get all defensive and maybe even antagonized. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has bad experiences that colour their judgement of things and the way they act. Only if you accept this and what you have done in the past as fact, only then you are open minded enough to change. Otherwise, whatever you'll learn what could've helped you, you'll dismiss from your mind as soon as you leave the therapist, either from stubbornness or as a unconscious selfdefence reflex because you don't accept that yes, also you have weaknesses. This counts especially for people whose insecurity is being percieved as weak, dumb or unlikable. You see, if your insecurity is that you're not good enough, then how painful is it to accept that yes, you have inherent flaws? LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE? That's what keeps people from learning. That's what's keeping people from changing. Accept that you're not perfect and have things to change. Why else are you looking for help? It's like an addiction where you don't like the addiction but the alternative seems worse.
Lastly, know that your perception of others is probably not true. Only you know you because you know your thoughts. You don't see the mind of other people. If only you knew. Other people may seem saint-like but they aren't. Even the nicest people have some dark(er) characteristics and their own insecurities. Once you recognize this you may not feel so crazy anymore. Guess what, the battle between your little devil and angel is a human thing. The difference, though, is that you're open to change. The difference is that you are not in denial or oblivious of your mistakes like your aunt Hilda.
Step two: Accept your own agency and so reject victimhood.
Let me introduce you to my ex-roommate Petrus (pseudonym), who always talked about his troubles in life and how life failed him. The thing is, he'd always go on and on about how it was the effing police who fired him, how it was the effing insurance company who effed him over, how it is the effing women who are all whores and bitches anyway so why bother. His near-exact words. Never him, though! Oh no, that would receive a "yea sure.... but..!" with a scowl. While deep down all this talk is fueled by deep rooted insecurities and pain. You think you're not like that, and you're probably right. At least not to the same degree as he. Be ready to take responsibility for your own (re)actions.
I understand that doing step one and two are actually quite hard. I just mean to point out that as long as you are aware of them, you can change. You'll find out along the way in what ways your own behaviour has shaped your life so far, and what you can do in turn to change it. Life is like a beach, it is up to you to make your sand castle with upcoming waves and running kids. Like everybody else. The roommate mentioned above never accepted his agency and so did NOT have any results from the same therapist that I had. And whom he quit after one session. Scary, I know.
I cannot stress enough that self-reflection is key for anyone who's willing to change !!!
Step three: What do I feel and why?
Or in other words: the popular phenomena called Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. What it boils down to is the focus on self-awareness, to get a good insight into your own emotions and how it subconsciously affects your daily life. Before you quit reading: this is only the start. It is the difference between your mask and your underlying feeling. For instance, I would have the emotional 'mask' of being the joker and pleaser, only because WITHOUT doing that, I'd feel... well, uncomfortable. Now this uncomfortable feeling is important to figure out. For me I could summarize it with "I am not enough" and "I am not likeable". God it sounds so simple in a few sentences but this is a process of trying and trialing, where you'll think it was one thing, but it was something deeper, or they could all be summarized in one overarching insecurity. Finding out your mask personas is an important but scary step. Without your mask you'll feel remarkably vulnerable.
Now, I do not know where you are or if something similar is near to you. However, a good therapist will help you decipher your insecurities and underlying sadness. Understanding what you feel and why is step 3. You will NOT get here just through talking about your day unless the other specialist knows what they're doing, for the simple reason that many people are unaware of many of their reactions in daily life and what childhood trauma's they may have surpressed. Otherwise you'll just repeat the lines you tell yourself without going deeper. Such therapists should have their license revoked ffs.
Step three 'n half: grounding a.k.a. to get into contact with your feelings
There's much to be found online about grounding so by all means find other technique if mine doesn't work for you. I'd suggest you first try the most common way. Don't, the more you do it the faster you can do this. It takes me 20 seconds tops. Anyway: sit up on a chair without distractions nearby, eyes closed, hands on lap, feet on the ground. Take a couple of deep breaths. 4 seconds in, hold 4 seconds, 4 seconds out. Blow out like you blow out a candle. While you do this you repeat to yourself ' relax' or 'calm' or 'it's okay, you're safe' or whichever works for you.Then, take all your attention to your left foot. Feel the contact with the ground. Feel any (dis)comfort, any pain, itch, whether its cold, warm. Observe it, don't analyze it. It's not wrong, it's not good. It's just.. there. After you're ready you go to the left calf. Same thing. Feel the cold, warmth, the pressure, an itch, anything. It's not wrong, it's not good. It's just.. there. It's you. Hold your attention before going to your left thigh. Keep this process throghout your body. In the end, after your face is calm. Forehead is smooth. Eyes are relaxed. Jaw is loose. Deep breath and turn your attention to what you're feeling. Where is it? In your head? In your stomach? For me it's the solar plexus but it differs. Feel the emotion. It's not wrong, it's not good. It's just.. there. Accept it. Name it.
Side note: you may get distracted often. This is fine. Don't get mad at yourself as this only works negatively. Accept it, see it happen like a cloud drifting by and return your attention.
Side note 2: Accepting the emotion is very important. I had issues with that but getting mad at yourself for feeling something will only make things worse and is counter productive. Anyway why would you? Think of a friend. Can he feel lonely sometimes? Of course.
Congratulations, now you are what we call in contact with your feeling. This is DIFFERENT than the self-pitying saddness that's more common. THIS is the emotion that you can process. THIS is the emotion you can write down, cry out, talk about, whatever works for you. Also at the therapist. Especially at the therapist. It may feel redundant to do it with the little steps but believe me, if you're not used to grounding yourself then this is how to start. Sometimes it's harder than other, depending on your state-of-mind at the moment. Later you'll be used to it and 'go to your feeling' faster and more naturally than doing a detailed body scan. You're right if you think it's akin to meditation. Trust me. It's a human thing. You can do it too. Some people have put away their emotions deep down in order to protect themselves and for them it may be harder.
IMPORTANT: learning to ground may also mean you're nearer to your emotions. This is a good thing, as long as your work with them! Depending on the severity of your repressed traumas, it is highly advised to involve a therapist. You don't want to open up a well of misery only to do nothing with it. More on that in the next paragraph
Step four: Accept your past hurtful experiences. Process the associated emotions
This step is actually really important, and I wish I had done it way earlier. It would have saved me maybe three years. Okay so see it like this. Two things to remember. First: emotions that you experience but were unable to express will STAY in your body. Your body is like an emotional hard drive and somewhere there's tension building up. Second: this system you can compare to a hydrolic dam. Imagine: when there's a bit of water in the reservoir, there's no problem. When there's more water in the reservoir it's also okay, but the force on the dam builds up. Still more water all kind of okay, except that the dam is under a lot of pressure. A relatively small damage has to happen for cracks to appear and water to escape. This is exactly how it works with emotions. This is how people have sudden burts of rage, sudden burst of sadness, over relatively small incidents. They just... burst. This tension in addition with perfectionism are root causes for burn out as well. Just how much energy must it take? Anyway, as for the actual processing, I have a few tips.
The major one is a therapy called Somatic Experiencing. This is specialized in bringing up past emotions, even from when you were just a baby (I can tell..). All the stored up emotions will affect your daily life, likely without you noticing. It literally changes the way you react to things. E.g. how you react to some kinds of jokes, to how you may be very sensitive to situations, may feel angry or sad all the time, but also your attachment style in relationships. For me, processing all my fears and feelings of loneliness and betrayal on my innocense has given room for love, compassion, joy/playfulness and a general peace of body.
All in all, therapists are recommended.
Something else is a rage room. This is a place where people come together to literally scream and let emotions out. No experience there, just heard about it. I would think that the problem here is guidance. You can release stuff, but only things you are aware about. A good therapist can ask questions that will trigger things you can't do yourself. If you don't, you'll just scream from frustration which doesn't help much just like shower crying. Still, if you do it right I'm sure it may help.
NOTE: before going here, read the paragraph about grounding. This is an important asset without which you'll not get the results you want.
Step Five: self improvement. Learn by doing. Train your subconsciousness by experience.
It may feel like this step is late in the cycle, however it is not for nothing. To use the metaphor, Would it be easier to upgrade your dam into a hydraulic energy generating dam while the reservoir is still full, or while the water level is low? It is not to be underestimated how much internal conflicts will colour your perspective on yourself and the outside world. This is a major mistake I made, and what many therapists will still try.
Self-Improvement really means to use your self reflection to not just see what you do, but mainly what do you want to do with it? Let's say hypothetically you feel like you don't speak up enough. You've found out this is because of an underlying insecurity, in this case maybe that you feel unimportant because your parents never acknowledged any idea that you
I'd suggest journaling. Or rather, emotion analyzing and bring them up while writing. Ground yourself first. The goal is to FEEL the emotion and so process it without storing it up again. Cry about it if you need to. You know when children are sad, then cry a lot, then are running around happily again? Same with us adults. INFP or no. Except that we, with a little training, can actually name what we're feeling. Warning: this should only be really possible after some mindfulness. Firstly, because how else are you going to identify your own emotions? And secondly, you need to learn to 'ground' yourself, go into 'feeling mode'. Without it, it'll just be feeling sad because you feel sorry for yourself, instead of addressing the emotion itself. Wallowing in your sadness (this case: own victimhood) will only make things WORSE in an vicious cycle of negative affirmation. This happened to me. It's not pretty.
Look at yourself and the traits you want different. Maybe you want to be more orderly? Show love to people? Give a presentation without feeling like you're fainting? Write them down and what you would like instead. Don't push yourself by commiting to do everything. Just as much as you're comfortable with. Think of a dog for example. When a dog gets hit by a human he may just become aggressive or wimpering with his tail between his legs the next time he sees a human. Dogs are not aggressive or flightful from the start, but they learned that certain things are dangerous or scary. You teach an animal that something is not scary by slowly making it get used to the target. The same with humans, except that we're such complex creatures that sometimes it's hard to say exactly what makes you uncomfortable. This is literally what people mean with 'stepping outside your comfort zone'. It's not for nothing. It's not only for 'those bloody daredevils'. It's for a person to get used to situations. I had a fear in front of the class but I forced myself, after some proper therapy, to stand in front of a class to teach exams. Yes I was nervous. I had to calm myself several times, and I reflected on in afterwards. Well now, that actually went better than all the imaginative situations I had before! And even if it doesn't go well you can still write down WHAT you fked up and try to do better next time. Be mindful. Take steps.
Conclusion
It's a lot and I think I can add more but then it would be a book. I hope from this piece will bring structure to the whirlpool of information that's available. I'm not even sure 'regular' psychologists know this, as I've tried a bunch and they all start with something else. Every step is necessary, but some will work best only after the previous steps have been taken.
Now I'm tired. I'll write a proper summary after I see how this is recieved in the comments. Would love to hear feedback, questions, maybe even critique. Take care, you crazy diamond you.
Helpful sources:
Mindfulness training, meditation guides, Chakra healing (yes really)
Fysiotherapist on youtube to work on posture (you'll be surprised). I recommend Body Fix Exercises channel, to the point and effective.
Therapies: EMDR, Cognitive behavioural therapy, Somatic Experiencing
INFP guides on Personality Hacker
Attachment style podcasts (sorry mine was in Dutch)
Books / audiobooks
J. Peterson's 12 rules for life + many lectures on having a meaningful life. (whatever your stance or opinion on politics, his psychological knowledge is undeniable)
Lindsay C Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
M. Gladwell's Talking to Strangers
Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now
I'd suggest audio book because it moves me more, however I guess it's personal.
submitted by No_Boat5206 to infp [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 23:21 _Rockatansky I [24M] lost her trust and ruined our relationship [25F]

As much as I would like to explain all the details and things that ever happened, It could be too long for anyone to read and care about, I'll try to mention every important detail. I'll explain myself the best I can, I'm looking for advice.
TL;DR I met my first girlfriend ever, had an almost perfect relationship for 7 months. I ruined everything by not drawing a limit with a female friend I had and falling for my carnal desires. I want to show her I am not the mistake I made. How should I try to rebuild this relationship?
I [24yo] met my first girlfriend ever [25 yo] (let's call her V) almost 9 months ago. Everything happened really spontaneously, wet met during our last year of practice at the hospital. She was one month away until V finished her internship, I just started mine in that moment. During those weeks, having barely time to get to know each other, we fell in love and it was amazing. Since the very beginning there was another girl in the same hospital, I didn't notice her until I met her around the same time I met my gf. I noticed my girlfriend and this woman met each other a couple of months ago, they were not friends, limited themselves to be civil and work together, didn't seem they liked each other. She started to get closer to me and we even became close friends, I just thought at that time that my girlfriend was being a little inmature and a little bit toxic the moment he told me to stay away from that woman, at that time I couldn't understand why.
Then, my gf finished her internship. I have the most beatiful memories with my girlfriend, being together during some night shifts, drinking coffee together and sharing small but beatiful moments, our love felt honest, wholesome, plentiful, peaceful and special. I remember going to visit her the time she was hospitalized, she guided me through all the stuff I had to do at the hospital, we were really comitted with each other. She has more experience than me, have had past relationships and she almost married at a time before me. During these months we had many incidents involving that woman in one or another way, we were surrounded by a very toxic enviroment at that hospital, one day my girlfriend called me crying during one of my 36 hours shifts, she was really sad, had been crying, she told me she couldn't deal with what was happening. I was shocked and didn't understand what was going on.
We agreed on seeing each other when the shift ended and my girlfriend, after two weeks, wanted to break up because some unknown phone number started to text her obnoxious things about me, obviously false at that time. They told her that there was proof of me cheating on her. Then she showed me, some horrible people sent her a noticeably false screenshot of my conversation with this other woman I talked about, calling her beauty, my love and stuff like that. I was really mad, since on my very first relationship, someone else was trying to ruin it and I had absolutely no idea of what was going on, I had no control of the situation. I explained to her, my gf even looked for her brother to show him the picture, he even said to her it was false and very noticeable to see the flaws. After a long talk, she was very sad, and we hug each other and we taken care of our relationship together, telling each other no one would make us part ways, that our love was real and it was. We had many incidents like that. At first I had no fault of what was going on, I felt really confident with my own actions and words, I was honest, tried to protect my girlfriend from the ones who were trying to harm us anonymously.
I really loved my girlfriend, I sincerely felt I could give my life for her, we had a beautiful relationship, shared many beautiful moments, intimacy was really wholesome too, it was almost perfect. After months, this woman who was still in the hospital became a really close friend of mine, I gave my trust to her, I even told her the problems my girlfriend and I had, about us being harrassed anonymously, she even told me she would help me find out.
I lived a lot of first time experiences with V, we weren't perfect but we were committed to each other, things were serious between us. I lived many first time experiences with V, I felt deeply loved and she was really happy with me, as she used to tell me: " I feel free to be myself when I'm next to you", "You are a great man, I am scared to feel so much for you, so fast, but I feel I really love you", our communication was great, but after what happened, I remember all of those words with pain and sorrow, I feel like absolute garbage.
After months of this amazing relationship, after being harrassed online a couple of times again, my girlfriend felt really unconfident and sad, our communication was not great and she was really distant, she confronted me and wanted to breakup when someone sent her a picture of this other girl and me and the picture was real, but it was really easy to get wrong ideas from it. In the picture it seemed like I was touching her face with my hand in a romantic way when the thing that really happened was that a gave her a whiplash with her own face mask, because we were playing like a couple of stupid kids. Months after that incident around february and march I was assigned to the same shift with this other girl because some other guy b*tched about the doctor in charge being too rude and they switched shifts with me being affected, I couldn't switch again. We spent even more time since we worked together, I noticed she started to place her legs on my lap when I was working on the pc and things like that, she started to feel very confident in a physical way when she was around me, this girl has a boyfriend and a 3 year old relationship with him, so I didn't really suspect anything, I saw the situation as "that's what close friends do", in the past I had maybe one or two female friends but really didn't had experience with these kind of non verbal expressions, I used to be the quiet kid, too quiet. I saw no problem with that since it didn't bother me, but I did thought from time to time my gf would be upset is she saw this other girl doing these things. I admit, during those months I started having intrusive thoughts that made me fall at the end. At that time, my girlfriend was very distant, in retrospective I've been an asshole, because the only thing my girl ever asked me to do for her I didn't do it, when it was so simple to tell that other person to stay away from me, at first I thought it was an inmature thing to cut my friendship with that woman just because my girlfriend didn't like her, I guess she noticed, she saw things I couldn't see for myself. If I just did what I should have to. It was my fault, I didn't prioritize my girl and the only things she's ever asked me to do for her, for the sake of "being mature".
During those last two months I started having intrusive thoughts and feeling distant from my girlfriend as she was really hurt when she saw that picture, we had a real bad argument one night, I told her that I wasn't doing anything I shouldn't do and that this picture I mentioned earlier was taken out of context, which it honestly was. I was honest with V. Because of that last argument between us she said she needed time to heal and to forgive me. A couple of weeks later, I convinced her to see each other, we cried, we hug each other, we promise each other to be always honest and loyal, and we stay as a couple, but she was distant. I felt really angry and helpless, because someone else was ruining my relationship from outside. My girl was really distant, and to be honest, I must mention this, since the very first moment I started my sexual life with V, since I lost my virginity with her, I didn't know sex was such a deal for me. Before I thought It was overrated, but I felt sad I wasn't having that kind of quality time with her, I discovered I missed a lot having making love with her. Since we started, due to our responsibilities and free time we could see each other maybe two or three times a week but we used to hang out, we made love maybe once per month and rarely twice, and it always has been like that.
I enjoyed every intimacy moment I could share with her, I didn't know sex was that amazing and mind blowing, not because the pleasure but the sentimental bond we strengthen every time and the fulfillment I felt by giving pleasure to her and she let me know she really enjoyed those moments because of how I expressed my feelings for her too. Imagine the quiet kid in class, who's never had a girlfriend in school and had barely interaction with any girl before, after he was in his last months of university, after 6 years (In my country that's the amount to time med career lasts), feeling that amount of attention, that bond with a girl who really likes you. For us it was not just a physical interaction but a moment to share our deepest thoughts without feeling anxious or scared, we used to tell each other how much we loved each other while making it, she used to tell me how old fashioned she thought I was, because all the things I used to tell her, she used to love when I told her every time we made love that If we are doing it is because we really love each other, and every word I said I really meant, I truly believed that.
I lost myself, I don't know who I am anymore, I betrayed her in march, after sharing many night shifts with that other woman. At that time, before the betrayal, I felt confused, I started feeling anxious, angry because my girlfriend didn't trust me like before and it wasn't my fault, I thought maybe she will cheat on me first, maybe she has something to hide because the interest that she has lost in our relationship. I felt I was receiving something I didn't deserve because of the actions other anonymous people around us.
I started developing intrusive thoughts for that other girl. One thing lead to another, it all started with a conversation, then we started talking about things we shouldn't be talking about, shared details about our sexual experiences. I thought of having sex with her, at that moment I was angry my gf was distant because of her trust issues with me, and me being inocent. (Don't misunderstand please, I will not.try to ezcuse myself here, i did what i did and it is my fault now). We shared too much time together during our shifts since we required teamwork between us. Attraction between us was really noticeable since she confessed she used to have feelings for me, but told me it was months ago, she started to be very touchy, and we were flirting basically, even we both knew we had relationships. I stopped thinking in a coherent way, I behaved like human trash, I desired sex so much after not having sex with my girlfriend after two months. One night, 4 a.m. maybe, this girl was watching some clothes on her phone, shows me and tell me if she would look nice and showed me the picture of a red off-shoulder neckline shirt. I made a joke, which I shouldn't have made since it was innapropiate. I told her, "there are a couple of things you are missing to put on that shirt" , which she replied, "would you like to judge for yourself?", she then proceeded to offer me to touch her chest, opening the neck of her blouse. I didn't think about my girlfriend at that moment. I was just drowned in adrenaline at that moment, thinking about the pleasure, the shape of her body and I touched her, she proceed to lay down and let me touch her almost completely, it happened twice, didn't to further than that.
After that, we had an argument with this other girl, but then we agreed on seeing each other outside the hospital, obviously to have sex. The day comes, my girlfriend wanted to hang out with me that same day, I was down to it because I felt she made me guilty for nothing for a long time, what a bs thought I had. We went to eat something with the other girl, then we were talking about getting some drinks, then to go play some videogames, we were blatantly avoiding the situation we planned for that night. I asked her, "why are we doing this?, I thought our plans had other intentions" and she looked at me, then told me: "You have a girlfriend, I have a boyfriend". I inmediately stepped my shoes on the ground when I saw those eyes of guilt., I started feeling guilty, I started feeling horrible. I almost had an episode of anxiety, real anxiety in that very moment. I experienced one real anxiety attack in my life and this almost became the second. All I could see on my mind was the beautiful eyes of my V in my mind and her voice telling me the thing she always used to tell me: "Please, just don't fail me", "is the only thing I would ever ask you to do". My whole world fell down, my heart still feels too heavy. We sat on a bench that evening. The other woman and I started talking about the things that happened between us, tried to tell me not to feel to guilty since it was mutual, it was her fault too, she told me she didn't want to harm me in that way, or me to make a mistake and harm my girlfriend in that way. She told me, "all men are the same, believe me but I understand this happened, you are a man", she told me that I was a good person, and it was a good sign that I was trying to stop all this madness before something else happens. She proceeded to calm me down because I was crying, all the thoughts I stood for, all the honesty, all those situations when my girlfriend doubted me became real. Then we told each other to keep this as a secret, she recommended, she begged me to to never tell my girlfriend about what happened, because she is unique and I will lose her if she ever find out, those were the words of this girl. Then we part ways. I never kissed her and never had sex with her.
After those days I just couldn't be the same with my girlfriend, who started to approach more, to heal from her doubts of me and to be closer to me again and I just ruined everything. I was broken inside, now I'm devastated. After march I was supposed to travel to another state, in a rural area, to keep going with my practices. My girlfriend gave me an amazing birthday before I traveled, my birthday was at the end of march. we hung out, ate something, kissed a lot, she gave me a surprise, gifted me a cute teddy bear, with a box of chocolates she baked, all of that inside a personalized box covered with printed photos of us together. Days later it was the last time I saw her in person, we stayed at a hotel, went out to dance and take a few drinks, I got sick because I'm not used to drink alcohol. We got back, got romantic, made love and in the middle of the moment I ran to the bathroom to throw up everything. She took care of me, we tried to have sex in the morning, said she wanted to make me go happy before I go and not see her for the next three months, proceed to give me a bj and handjob. We promised to travel together when I finish my internship and come back to the city. All of that happened maybe a week or two after my betrayal.
Since that even making love with my girlfriend wasn't the same, I used to focus on her, my deepest pleasure was not physical but to see her so vulnerable, so free around me, naked and happy. Her smile meant everything to me, it was her smile, her pleasure made me happy. I used to write her beautiful things, corny things but she loved them, always used to tell me I was like a wholesome old man, like an old poet, those kind who doesn't exist anymore. She used to believe I was different, she trust me.She did a lot of things for me, my self steem was taken care of, with love. She highten up my low self steem in every aspect I can imagine, she helped me heal from all those demons I had inside. She made me feel like a god fot her. I feel sorry for V, and I can't forgive myself for all the damage and pain I caused her, I'm broken inside.
With every day that passed I couldn't take that situation out of my mind. Every time she called me to see how I was doing abroad, I felt guilty, I felt wrong for even having sex that last time after the betrayal happened, I felt dirty, like mud around my beloved V. I just couldn't keep up with those beautiful things, stopped telling her how I felt, how much I loved her because I was feeling more and more guilty. I was alone, drowning with my own guilt and shame. One night she hung out with a couple of friends, drank a bit, she called me at 2 a.m. and told me: "I know I drank maybe a bit too much but listen to me because everything I'm about to say I really mean it. I really love you, I love you with all my soul, I want a life with you together, let's go far away together, let's support each other, we should study together, we could live together and build a life together" she told me to promise her to never fail her, never betray her, that she would always be with me even If I choose another professional life she would support me, she would love me with all of her soul, heart, body and mind.
If I was shattered, now I was completely broken. She then proceed to tell me, "Please, promise we will build a life together, just don't fail me and I will be there for you no matter what", then asked me, "have you accomplished what I asked you?, "when was the last time you talked to that girl?"
I was completely broken inside, broke in tears and couldn't hold myself together. V got angry when I first told her the last time I talked to the other girl was at the end of March, when she made me promise to cut all communications with her days before, she made me promise while we were making love. I did stop talking to the other woman but not completely, I excused myself by telling her I still talked with her but just when work intended to. My girl was dissapointed, hung the phone and didn't answer the phone after.
I broke in tears, Couldn't help myself but leaving a 3 hour audio message on her inbox explaining everything I did behind her back, explained with every single detail. I was so honest that after she listened to the audio she called the other girl and thank her for thinking about her and stop everything before it was too late, maybe I made myself too guilty when I explained everything to V, I didn't tell her all the times the other girl sat on my lap, put my hands on her hips and moved as if we were having sex, I didn't told her how she put my hands inside her bra when I was falling asleep and made me touch her intentionally, I received the blame for both of us I guess. Then V proceeded to write in my message inbox:
"You are dead for me"
Time after that, days. Her sister, which I talked to her a few times and she helped me once to speak to V when she was angry with me before. Her sister sent me a message, I tried to explain her, I cried during those days as I never did in my life, I wanted to kill myself, all the things I left in the past came back to me, I wanted to stab myself and I couldn't, I guess I always been to coward to kill myself. I wasn't eating nor sleeping, for the first time in my life I felt as if I killed someone. She said V almost sent me a couple of audio messages telling me she still loved me, but at the end she erased them. She had been crying since, her sister told me maybe she might give you an opportunity but speak to her.
Then I started to talk with V again, but it is obviously not the same, we talk as if we were barely acquantainces. I just asked her to see her just one more time to say goodbye in a proper manner, she didn't want to but she agreed, then she called me almost every weekend during one month and a half, insulting me and telling me how I could do that to her, she told me how could I be so blind to notice the person harrasing us was that girl and how could I be so stupid to make every suspicion she ever had true with my betrayal.
It has been really difficult for me, I think she is stronger than me. since I'm far from her, from my family too and the distance just made the situation worse, I wasted myself in tears and sorrow, I never felt so much pain until now in my life. One day, after we started talking again, she wrote: "I never stopped loving you, I really love you", she even gave me an opportunity, I was happy. Two days after she said she couldn't, she wanted to but she is too damaged. From that day she still calls me from time to time, telling me she won't give me another opportunity, telling me how she went out with x or Y guy and wants revenge but she just can't do anything because she still thinks about me, also tells me how she met a guy who seems to have more details and take about her but that she doesn't care about him. I think is humilliating hearing all those things she tells me about x or y who are trying to pretend her, Then she says she doesn't care about me anymore and that I am a nobody. When I call her she doesn't tend to answer, reads my messages after one or two days. I don't understand why she is doing this. If she hates me so much, why not leaving me outside of her life?
I made one of the worst mistakes in my life, I feel regret, anger, I feel like an instrument of pain, I hate myself for falling for this bulls**t. I know V suffered because of me more than one time, because of me not being a man and do what had to be done. I learned my lesson, I would never be such human trash again. All the suffering I caused, the lesson I learned, I lost my V, I feel broken, I never been so sad in my life. In 4 days I will go back to my city for three days, we agreed on seeing each other. I know the mistake I made is not part of me anymore, I will take time but those decisions I made, I know I can be better, I will be a better man from now on, I should have listened to her, I shouldn't have stepped on V's heart, on her feelings for me. I want an opportunity, I don't know if my heart is making me see something that is not there but maybe she could give me a chance? At least I accomplished, somehow, the promise to be sincere with her, always, no matter the cost.
I feel like absolute garbage, wish I could have taken my life like a coward.
submitted by _Rockatansky to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 22:58 fulfulping Am I wrong to resent my sister in law for always needing money?

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to get everyone’s objective opinion about my situation. I’m aware that this situation might all be normal and I may just have jealousy issues that I need to sort through…but wanted to get everyone’s thoughts/opinions
My husband is obsessed with his financially needy older sister and it drives me crazy. In general, my husband is a very kind, gentle, and giving person but sometimes, I feel with his sister, it’s a little much.
His sister is from overseas and recently came to the US for graduate school. Because of this, she is a student and naturally needs help from time to time with expenses. I understand this as I remember what it was like for me to be a student. She had been working for several years prior to graduate school so she has been using her savings to pay her tuition and rent. However, her savings won’t be enough to get her all the way through. She has two older brothers (both in their 40-50s, comfortable financially speaking, and well established in their careers) and one younger brother (my husband, early in his career and not as established yet). For reference, my husband and I have a joint bank account that we both contribute money to.
Anytime his sister has needed financial help, she goes to my husband. This baffles me considering she has two older brothers that are doing very well financially speaking but despite this, she continues to come to my husband (her younger brother) to sign as the guarantor on her lease, buy flights for her, buy various ubers for her, etc. She has even asked us if she could come on vacation with us, came and did not pay for anything besides ONE fast food meal the entire trip (we paid for her flight, every other meal the entire trip, her Airbnb share, her tickets to shows, her tickets to theme parks, etc). She’s added onto to our phone plan as well so we pay her phone bill every month. Most recently, she asked my husband for bank statements to serve as proof she has him for financial support for her visa application (which I felt like is a huge invasion of our privacy but my husband didn’t see it that way and sent it to her???)
Every time she asks for these things, my husband happily obliges. She has not run out of money thus far and so she has at least been able to pay her own tuition and rent; however, this really worries me that when she does run out, we will have to pay those things on top of everything else we already pay! For some reason, she has identified us as the people that will financially support her when she runs out of money and this drives me crazy and makes no sense! She’s so oblivious to the differences between where we are financially vs her older brothers. She is closer to my husband than her other brothers, but I still think she needs to be more aware when it comes to this… And on top of all this, I feel it’s disrespectful to me for her to continually come to my husband for these things when in all actuality, it’s not just his money he is giving to her. It’s ours. In some cases, I am sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HER and she will look at my husband and make some financial request from him instead of from us together which I feel is super disrespectful.
My husband also occasionally will deposit money into her account and even gave her a credit card linked to his account and told her to use it whenever. When I ask my husband why he randomly deposits money, he says because he has access to her account and can see her running out of money.
Although I’m happy my husband is so giving with his money, I’m worried this is getting out of hand and she is now EXPECTING we will always be there to financially support her. What makes this all worse is despite the amount of support we have given her, I have never heard her say thank you or show any appreciation at all. My husband says she thanks him but to be honest, out of all the times we’ve hosted her over and paid everything or had her come with us on that one vacation and again paid everything, I have never once heard her say the words “thank you”. Even if she says thank you to my husband at a later time, I still think it’s weird she would never express appreciation during the actual trip and not thank me when I’m also contributing financially, hosting, cooking for her, etc! My husband says she is so appreciative even if she does not say those words and that family should not have to say thank you to each other but to be honest, I just think it’s so rude and I could never imagine someone paying EVERYTHING for me and not saying thank you or showing any kind gratitude whatsoever. She also has never made any sort of effort to befriend me or have any kind of good relationship with me which also irks me.
On top of all this, when she comes to visit us, my god my husband does everything and anything he can to impress her. For example, if we go to a restaurant, he insists she sits in the most comfortable seat and then ushers me to sit in the other chair (booth seat vs wooden chair for example). If we walk by a coffee shop, he asks her over and over if she wants anything from there and does not bother to ask me. When we’re at home, he’ll put on her favorite TV shows/movies. I know these are very small things, but they add up and make me feel very left out when he has her around. I understand she’s his sister and a guest and he’s trying to make her comfortable when she visits but I feel very isolated and invisible every time she’s here. And every time she has another financial request, I can’t help but feel as a piggy bank – esp since she’s oblivious to the fact that it’s my money too she keeps asking for. At this point, we have easily spent THOUSANDS of dollars on her alone. We have also spent a lot of money on his parents; however, they are old and I have no problem with this. But I feel the situation with his sister is getting out of hand and it has gotten to the point where I resent her so much. Anytime I see her calling or texting my husband, or see her name when I log into my phone plan or even see she has created her own profile on our Hulu/Netflix account, I can’t help but roll my eyes and get so annoyed
When I confront my husband about these things, he gets super defensive. He says I don’t know her like he does and I’m judging her unfairly. He says she’s worked so hard her entire life and he wants to do everything he can to help when he can, yet on her summers off, instead of staying in the states, getting a job, and working to save money (like my husband did when he was in her position), she chooses to fly back home and chill all summer without a job. She’s literally running out of money and that’s how she’s choosing to spend the summer…I just think that speaks a thousand words yet my husband continues to see her with rose colored glasses. She chose to not get a job this summer and save because she knows she can always come to us to send her more money and I’m sick of it! If she was working and doing everything she can to support herself and needs help from time to time, that’s one thing but what irks me is the fact that she’s not even trying AND her lack of gratitude when we do help! She just expects it at this point! And on top of everything, I’m super uncomfortable with her having our bank statements and knowing exactly how much money we have saved up. In her eyes, I’m sure she thinks this is all extra money she can utilize yet we have so many financial goals we have not yet reached that we’ve been working towards
My husband says she is family and he will do anything and everything for her and he does not care how much money he sends to her because family is more important to money…This is concerning for me to hear as even though we are not struggling financially, we are also not saving as much as we could be and her constant financial requests and neediness is cutting into OUR savings and OUR future. She literally feels like our child at this rate which is ridiculous considering she’s older than both me and my husband.
Give me your honest thoughts - am I just being jealous/greedy and wrong to feel this way or are my feelings justified? What is the best way to go about this situation?
submitted by fulfulping to inlaws [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 22:56 huehuehuehuehuehu [H] June 2023 choice, a bunch of older humble steam keys, and a list of fanatical keys. [W] Hollow Knight, Monster Hunter world, souls-like, and PayPal/TF2 keys.

Games for trade:
*June 2023 Humble choice bundle
ABZU
Action Henk
Agatha Christie - The ABC Murders
Always Sometimes Monsters
American Fugitive
An Elder Scrolls Legend: Battlespire x2
Astronarch
Banners of Ruin
Beyond Eyes
BioShock Infinite
Biped
BROFORCE
Breathedge
Call of Juarez
Cubicle Quest
Dead Island Definitive Edition
Deponia Doomsday
Destiny 2: Beyond Light
Devil Daggers
Dishonored x2
DOOM 64
Dragon Age™: Origins
Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
DUSK '82: ULTIMATE EDITION
Dust to the End
Elegy for a Dead World
Eldest Souls
Epistory - Typing Chronicles
Fallback: Uprising
Fidel - Dungeon Rescue
FIST OF AWESOME
Generation Zero
Gloria Victis
God’s Trigger x2
Godstrike
Gone Home + Original Soundtrack
GOAT OF DUTY
Godstrike
Gloria Victis
God's Trigger x2
Gone Home + Original Soundtrack
Hacknet
Hero's Hour
Hitman: Absolution
HoPiKo
Husk
Jotun
Kathy Rain
Kholat
Kimmy
Kingdom Rush
Lethal League Blaze
Legend of Keepers: Career of a Dungeon Manager
Lovely Planet
Lila’s Sky Ark
Mail Mole
Mercenary Kings
Midnight Ghost Hunt
Mini Thief
Minion Masters
Mordheim City of the Damned
Mother Russia Bleeds
Nagate Tale
Neon Chrome
Nihilumbra
NUTS x2
Oddworld: Abe's Exoddus® x2
Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee® x2
Oddworld: Munch's Oddysee x2
Oddworld: New 'n' Tasty x2
Oddworld: New 'n' Tasty - Alf's Escape DLC x2
Oddworld: New 'n' Tasty - Scrub Abe Costume x2
Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath HD
Okhlos
Out of the Park Baseball 15
Pirate Pop Plus
Pinball FX2 - Base game and Civil War Table
Pinball FX2 - Captain America Table
Pinball FX2 - Doctor Strange Table
Pinball FX2 - Excalibur Table
Pinball FX2 - Mars Table
Pinball FX2 - Star Wars™ Pinball: Balance
Prison Architect
Project CARS
Project Highrise
PULSAR: The Lost Colony
Punch Club
Pure Farming 2018
Real Boxing
Rain World
Rebel Galaxy
Road to Ballhalla
Röki x2
Runestone Keeper
Ryse: Son of Rome
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
Shelter 2
Sheltered
Skeletal Avenger x2
Slain: Back from Hell
Slime Rancher
Space Crew: Legendary Edition
Star Wars™: Dark Forces
Steamworld Heist
Stealth Bastard Deluxe
Stealth Inc 2
Starpoint Gemini 2 Gold Pack
Stronghold Crusader 2
Styx: Master of Shadows
Super Panda Adventures
Super Sportmatchen
Tesla Force x3
The Ascent
The Banner Saga
The Elder Scrolls Adventures: Redguard x2
The Escapists - Alcatraz
The Escapists - Base Game
The Escapists - Duct Tapes are Forever
The Escapists - Escape Team
The Escapists - Fhurst Peak
The Flame in the Flood
The Game of Life
The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky
The Wild Eight
Tharsis
THOTH
Total War: ROME II - Caesar in Gaul
Tower of Guns
Town of Salem
Train Valley
Train Valley 2 x2
Trolley Problem, Inc.
Valfaris
War of the Roses: Kingmaker x2
Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide + DLC
Wayout
Western Press
Western Press Mk Cans II Character DLC
WRC Powerslide
XCOM® 2
Xpand Rally
Yesterday Origins
Games I want:
Soulslike
Hyper stylized pixel art games
Older AAAs
Popular Anime Games (One piece, Bleach, Naruto, DBZ, Berserk, Jojo.)
Hollow Knight
Reminant: from the ashes
Monster Hunter world.
Rep Page:
https://www.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/13lh3d7
submitted by huehuehuehuehuehu to indiegameswap [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 22:53 Few_Transition6722 Help! My uBPD Mom is Ruining my Engagement/Wedding Planning

Cat Haiku: Silent hunter's grace, Whiskers twitch in moonlit dance, Paws tiptoe through night.
Hello all,
This is not only my first post on here, but on Reddit ever. I have typically always been a lurker.
However, this subreddit is what I have searching for, for years! I have been doing a lot of work in therapy to process my relationship with my uBPD mom. I've been searching for a community where I can talk to other people with similar experiences and seek support. I can't tell you all how much I resonate with some of the things I have read here. So, thank you for this community, first and foremost.
I do, however need to vent/ask for some advice.
Some background:
Complexity layer #1: My parents and I are immigrants from the Middle East and my mom has always used our "culture" (which is, albeit, much more family oriented and collectivist than American culture) as a mechanism to control me, make me feel guilty about wanting to be independent, and to make sure I continue to live close by. Naturally, I have read a lot about going VLC or NC here, but these both horrify me because I have been programmed to follow our culture's family values, and VLC or NC feel like an absolute violation of these.
Complexity layer #2: My uBPD mom has serious physical health issues as well. She takes terrible care of herself, and after reading more about BPD and PDs in general, I now understand that this is her self-destructive/self-harming behavior. My dad and I have done everything we can to support her in her healthcare but she will skip or stop taking life-saving medication, refuses to exercise or eat right (which is part of her medical treatment plan), and is either completely avoidant or has these horrible outbursts at us when we try to confront her about it. Don't even get me started about seeking care for her MENTAL health problems.
Complexity layer #3: I am an only child and my parents don't speak to any of their family abroad, so my dad and I shoulder all of the emotional abuse with very little external support. My parents' marriage is a disaster, for obvious reasons, and so I was often parentified and used as an emotional crutch throughout my childhood. When I talk to my dad about this, he is very supportive, but he is also so miserable with her (but stays with her out of fear that she will become houseless or straight up die if he is not around, because she so violently co-dependent that she doesn't even know how to check how much money is in her bank account), that I feel bad unloading my problems on him. He has plenty of his own, and will still actively work to defend me and protect me when things get hard with my uBPD mom.
So, now that you're all caught up, here is the situation:
Up until now I have been able to manage more or less. I have been in therapy for a few years, which helps a lot, and when things got dicey, I was able to bounce back pretty quickly. This last time, has not been the case.
I got engaged about a month ago to the absolute love of my life. He is amazing in every way and every one of my friends and family members have verbally expressed that he and I are perfect for each other, including my uBPD mom. We have been together for 6 years, living together for 4 of those, so it shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone when we got engaged.
My mom has made my engagement an absolute nightmare.
For example, my mom is an emotional rollercoaster of a human, but one thing she is not is a crier. I've seen her cry about 3 times ever and they have always been because of a death or something outright tragic. SHE CRIED WHEN I GOT ENGAGED AND THEY WERE NOT HAPPY TEARS. Suddenly she had all these very vague concerns about my partner like that he "doesn't protect me enough" or that I'm going to be unhappy in my marriage because all the married women she knows are unhappy, etc. etc. She has been trying to make me doubt getting married by saying I'm being influenced by my fiancé and that I'm going to give up my career for my children (which is completely ridiculous, because I am about 1 year out from getting my PhD and I'm not going to be a stay at home mom after all that work).
But, she also has a million opinions about what dress or shoes I should wear on my wedding day, what food I should serve at my engagement party (which she of course made and brought and then boasted about how her food was the best and the food I brought was bad), and so on and so on. She wants to be involved in every detail of planning and is making me feel like I'm drowning.
I'm purposefully involving her as little as possible - so she throws it in my face that I'm so "American" (which is an insult btw), and that in this country no one involves parents in weddings and it's disgusting, and blah blah blah. She has a lot of very negative opinions of this country but is too co-dependent with me and my dad to actually go back to her home country like she wants to, which is a whole other thing she terrorizes us about. And since I haven't been involving her she has been guilting and manipulating me to no end (which of course she denies entirely). The worst part is that when I don't cave or don't enable her, it impacts her physical health dramatically, so I feel like I'm killing her by not enabling her. I have some super complicated and double-edged-sword-type feelings around this.
Side tangent: I also have crippling anxiety about her becoming disabled and my dad dying before her and being the sole person on this planet that will take any responsibility for her (that is factually what is going to happen because she has pushed EVERYONE away and is so co-dependent that she literally is incapable of taking care of herself in any way).
Anyway, I am not recovering from this episode. I resent her and I am ANGRY. I feel like this is supposed to be such a fun and happy time in my life and she is totally ruining it for me. I told her that she hurt my feelings by sad crying when I got engaged and she literally gaslit me instantly, telling me I'm too sensitive and that I'm overreacting and that she's allowed to have emotions. So, I have been snapping at her easily, because I'm SO frustrated, which of course she turns around on me and tells me I've been vulgar and nasty to her for no reason.
I legit do not know what to do, because I cannot imagine a world where she doesn't come to my wedding, or isn't a part of my life in the future.
Like many of you can probably relate to, she is not always like this. She can be very kind and nurturing when she wants to be, and I want that side of my mom around. But the abusive side of her has become completely unbearable and is ruining my wedding which is a line that I did not think she would cross. I don't know what to do anymore. Any words of wisdom or similar experiences?
submitted by Few_Transition6722 to raisedbyborderlines [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 22:32 cloudyy-angel my dad will never support me

(kinda long post, i apologize. tw: brief mentioning of alcoholism, verbal and physical abuse)
i’ve always never had a great relationship with my dad. ever since i was born he’s smoked and drunk almost every day. he also has anger issues and snaps at any little thing. he is verbally abusive towards my mother and has been physically abusive to her in the past.
it’s hard bc he provides for my mom and i very much. he uses that to his advantage to justify the shit he’s done. but he has never been there for me emotionally, which is what i believe has stemmed my daddy issues.
he has always wanted me to go to law school, as he himself is a lawyer. since i was about 7 years old he’s talked about it and wouldn’t shut up about it. every time i think about it, it makes me cry.
i had to take the lsat last summer because i had no other choice and i didn’t get a good score. i took it again earlier this year and got a better score and applied to the school my dad wanted me to go to and i didn’t get in.
i eventually thought he saw the light and said that i didn’t need to go to law school. i was happy because i was really interested in the museum field. but my dad changes his mind so frequently and now he wants me to go to law school again.
i feel like i won’t be able to do what i want with my life until he’s dead. anything i’ve expressed that i like to do for a career he’s always thought it was stupid. i was very much into broadway for a bit years ago, and had dreams of being an actress on broadway. my mom told me one day that my dad told her, “how is she (me) gonna pay her bills?”.
so i kinda just accepted that broadway and the things i like are dumb and stupid. it’s just very damaging to not have a father who supports you. i’m jealous of people who have supportive fathers. right now i’m stuck and don’t know what to do. i feel like i can never get through to him at all. my mom supports me in what i do, and i’m grateful to have her in my life. my mom is also stuck with what i should do also. it’s just a tough situation that honestly only my dad being completely out of my life will fix.
submitted by cloudyy-angel to daddyissuesclub [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 22:29 mthw704 (SELLING) BIG LIST OF 4K/HD/SD CODES. Several titles added this week & a nice list of $2 movies.

The Big List Disney codes are split & do not include the GP portion, but the DMI points are included. All Sony titles include points as long as the title is eligible. Please only redeem the portion of a code you are paying for. Prices are firm for now. I accept Cashapp, Venmo, Zelle, Fb pay & PayPal F&F. Comment & pm if interested. Thanks!

🦝

$4 4K UHD

Allied [2016] (Vudu)
Ant Man & The Wasp (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Beauty & The Beast [1991] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Captain America: Civil War (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Despicable Me [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Guardians Of The Galaxy (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Halloween [2018] (MA)
Hell Or High Water (Vudu)
Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (iTunes)
Spiral: From The Book Of Saw (Vudu or iTunes)
Sting, The [1973] (iTunes/ports)
Terminator: Dark Fate (Vudu)
Top Gun (iTunes)
Toy Story (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent, The (Vudu or iTunes)
🦝

$5 HD

Bram Stoker's Dracula + Mary Shelly's Frankenstein double feature (MA)
Dentist 1 & 2, The (Vudu)
Elysium & District 9 bundle (MA)
Inside Llewyn Davis (MA)
Jerry & Marge Go Large (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Rescuers: Down Under, The (MA + 150 points)
🦝

$4 HD

Alien3 [Theatrical] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Alien: Resurrection (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports) or both for $7
Company Of Heroes [2013] (MA)
Ever After: A Cinderella Story [1998] (MA)
How To Train Your Dragon 1 & 2 bundle (MA)
Jungle Book, The [1967] (MA + 150 points)
Legion Of Super-Heroes (MA)
Lilo & Stitch (MA + 150 points)
Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch (MA + 150 points)
Lion King 1 & ½, The (MA + 150 points)
Men [A24] (Vudu or Google Play)
Minions + Minions: The Rise Of Gru double feature (MA)
Nightmare Before Christmas, The (MA + 150 points)
Step Brothers [Theatrical & Unrated] (MA)
Transporter, The [2002] (MA or Google Play/ports)
🦝

$3️⃣ Movies

#$3 4K UHD
American Assassin (Vudu)
Avengers: Age Of Ultron (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Big Hero 6 (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Birth Of A Nation, The (iTunes/ports)
Captain Marvel (MA + 200 points)
Everest [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Frozen II (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Hocus Pocus (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Interstellar (iTunes)
Midway [2019] (Vudu or iTunes)
Moana (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Rambo: First Blood (iTunes)
Star Wars: Rise Of Skywalker (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (iTunes)
Transformers: The Last Knight (Vudu)
Zootopia (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
🦝

$3 HD

Batman & Superman: Battle Of The Super Sons (MA)
Black Widow [2021] (MA + 150 points)
Book Of Life, The [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Chicago [2002] (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Cosmic Sin (Vudu or iTunes)
Cruella (MA + 150 points)
Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness (MA + 150 points)
Dolittle [2020] (MA)
Drive [2011] (MA + Sony points)
Encanto (MA + 150 points)
Eternals [2021] (MA + 150 points)
How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (MA)
Joe [2014] (Vudu)
Jungle Book, The [1967] (MA only/no points)
Legends Of Oz: Dorothy's Return (MA)
Les Misérables [1998] (MA)
Lightyear [2022] (MA + 150 points)
Lilo & Stitch (Google Play/ports)
Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A (Google Play/ports) or both for $5
London Has Fallen (iTunes/ports)
Moonlight [A24] (Vudu)
Night At The Museum [2006] (MA)
Northman, The [2022] (MA)
Peter Pan [1953] (MA + 150 points)
Phantom Thread (MA)
Place Beyond The Pines, The (iTunes/ports)
Rescuers, The (Google Play/ports)
Rescuers: Down Under, The (Google Play/ports)
Shang Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings (MA + 150 points)
Sleight [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Spider-Man: No Way Home (MA + Sony points)
Still Alice (MA + Sony points)
This Is The End (MA + Sony points)
Thor: Love & Thunder (MA + 150 points)
Top Gun (Vudu)
Unholy, The [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Wedding Ringer, The (MA + Sony points)
🦝
All codes are $2. Prices are firm for now. Please only redeem the you are paying for. Any Disney codes are split. MA/iTunes Disney will include points but not the GP redeem. All Sony titles include points as long as the title is eligible. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I accept Cashapp, Venmo, Zelle, Fb pay or PayPal F&F. Comment & pm if interested. Thanks for checking out my list.
🦝

💲2️⃣ HDX

12 Years A Slave (MA)
21 Jump Street (MA + Sony points)
2 Guns (MA or iTunes/ports)
Action Point (iTunes 4K)
Adventures Of Tintin, The (Vudu or iTunes)
Age Of Adaline, The (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Alien Covenant (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
All Eyez On Me (iTunes)
Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Amazing Spider-Man, The (MA)
Amazing Spider-Man 2, The (MA + Sony points)
American Girl: McKenna Shoots For The Stars (MA or iTunes/ports)
American Reunion [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Vudu or iTunes)
Annihilation [2018] (Vudu)
Ant Man (Google Play/ports)
Apollo 13 (MA)
Arrival [2016] (Vudu)
Assassin's Creed (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Bad Boys For Life (MA + Sony points)
Bad Grandpa (iTunes)
Batman, The [2022] (MA)
Battleship [2012] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Beauty & The Beast [2017] (MA + 150 points/iTunes option is expired)
Beguiled, The [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Big Wedding, The (iTunes)
Black Panther (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Black Widow [2021] (Google Play/ports)
Book Club (Vudu)
Boss Baby, The (MA)
Bourne Identity, The (MA)
Bourne Legacy, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Brian Banks (MA)
Bridge Of Spies (Google Play/ports)
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (MA)
Case For Christ, The (iTunes/ports)
Chi-Raq (Vudu)
Choice, The [2016] (Vudu)
Contraband (iTunes/ports)
Cruella (Google Play/ports)
Daddy's Home (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Darkest Hour [2017] (MA)
Deepwater Horizon (iTunes 4K)
Despicable Me [2010] (MA)
Despicable Me 2 (iTunes/ports 4K)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (MA)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (MA or iTunes/ports)
Divergent (iTunes 4K)
Divergent Series: Insurgent (iTunes 4K)
Django Unchained (Vudu)
Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness (Google Play/ports)
Dragonheart: Battle For The Heartfire (MA)
Duff, The (iTunes)
Dying Of The Light (Vudu)
Edward Scissorhands (MA)
Emoji Movie, The (MA + Sony points)
Ender's Game (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Epic [2013] (MA or iTunes/ports)
E.T. The Extra Terrestrial (MA)
Ex Machina (Vudu)
Expendables 3, The (Vudu 4K)
Fast & Furious 6, The [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fifty Shades Darker [Unrated] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fifty Shades Of Grey [Unrated] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Finding Dory (iTunes/ports 4K or HD + 150 points)
Flight [2012] (Vudu or iTunes)
Frozen (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Gambler, The [2015] (Vudu or iTunes)
Gemini Man (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Ghostbusters [2016] [Theatrical & Extended] (MA + Sony points)
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Girl On The Train, The [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
God's Not Dead 2 (iTunes/ports)
God's Not Dead: A Light In Darkness (MA)
Gods Of Egypt (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Good Day To Die Hard, A [Extended] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Grace Unplugged (Vudu)
Greatest Showman, The (MA)
Grey, The [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Hacksaw Ridge (Vudu or Google Play)
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters [Unrated] (Vudu or iTunes)
Hardcore Henry (MA or iTunes/ports)
Hateful Eight, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Haunting In Connecticut 2: The Ghosts Of Georgia, The (Vudu)
Heat, The [2013] (MA)
Heaven Is For Real (MA + Sony points)
Hell Or High Water (Vudu or Google Play)
Hercules [2014] (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Hidden Figures (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Home [2015] (MA)
Home Alone (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Hope Springs [2012] (MA)
How To Train Your Dragon 2 (MA)
Hugo (Vudu or iTunes)
Hunger Games, The (iTunes 4K)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part, The (iTunes 4K)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (iTunes 4K)
Huntsman: Winter's War, The [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
I Can Only Imagine (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Ice Age: Continental Drift (MA)
Independence Day: Resurgence (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Interstellar (Vudu or Google Play)
It's A Wonderful Life [1947] (Vudu)
Jackass 3 [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (Vudu)
Jarhead 2: Field Of Fire [Unrated] (MA)
Jason Bourne (iTunes/ports 4K)
Jaws (MA)
John Wick (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum (iTunes 4K)
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (MA + Sony points)
Jungle Cruise (MA + 150 points)
Jurassic Park III [2001] (MA)
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (MA)
Kick-Ass 2 (MA or iTunes/ports)
Killer Elite (iTunes/ports)
Kingsman: The Golden Circle (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Kingsman: The Secret Service (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (MA)
Last Stand, The [2013] (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Last Witch Hunter, The (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Lee Daniels' The Butler (Vudu)
Legend Of Hercules, The (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Little Mermaid, The (Google Play/ports)
Logan (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Lone Survivor (iTunes/ports 4K)
Longest Ride, The (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Lorax, The [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Love & Mercy [2015] (Vudu)
Luca (Google Play/ports)
Lucy (iTunes/ports 4K)
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (MA)
Maggie (Vudu)
Marauders (Vudu)
Marvel's The Avengers [2012] (Google Play/ports)
Mechanic: Resurrection (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Mindgamers (MA)
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (iTunes 4K)
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (iTunes 4K)
Mountain Between Us, The (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Mr. Peabody & Sherman (MA)
Mud (Vudu)
Mummy, The [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Murder On The Orient Express [2017] (MA)
Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Noah [2014] (Vudu or iTunes)
Non-Stop [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Now You See Me 2 (iTunes 4K)
Other Woman, The [2014] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Overlord [2019] (Vudu)
Oz The Great & Powerful (MA + 100 points)
Pain & Gain (Vudu)
Paper Towns (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Paranormal Activity [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 3 [Extended] (iTunes)
Paul [2011] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters (MA or Google Play/ports)
Peter Pan [1953] (Google Play/ports)
Pet Sematary [2019] (Vudu)
Pirate Fairy, The (Google Play/ports
Pitch Perfect (iTunes/ports 4K)
Pitch Perfect 2 (iTunes/ports 4K)
Planes [2013] (MA + 150 points)
Possession, The [2012] (iTunes)
Prometheus (MA)
Purge: Anarchy, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Purge: Election Year, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Quiet Place, A [2018] (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Riddick [2013] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Ride Along (MA or iTunes/ports)
Ride Along 2 (iTunes/ports)
Risen [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Rise Of The Guardians [2011] (MA)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Russell Madness (MA or Google Play/ports)
Safe [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Safe House [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Saving Mr. Banks (Google Play/ports)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Secret Life Of Walter Mitty, The (MA)
Selma (Vudu or iTunes)
Sicario (Vudu 4K, iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Silver Linings Playbook (Vudu or Google Play)
Sing [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Sinister (iTunes)
Sleepless [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Snitch (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Snow White & The Huntsman [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Space Between Us, The (MA or iTunes/ports)
Spider-Man: Homecoming (MA + Sony points)
Star Trek [2009] (iTunes 4K)
Star Trek Beyond (iTunes 4K)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Star Wars: The Last Jedi (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Straight Outta Compton (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Super Buddies [2013] (MA + 100 points)
Ted [Unrated] (MA)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Terminator: Genisys (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
This Is 40 [Theatrical] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Thor: Love & Thunder (Google Play/ports)
Thor: Ragnarok (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Total Recall [2012] [Theatrical & Extended Unrated] (MA + Sony points)
Toy Story 4 (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Trolls (MA)
True Blood: Season 4 (iTunes)
True Grit [2010] (Vudu or iTunes)
Turbo [2013] (MA)
Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions Of A Marriage Counselor (Google Play)
Valerian & The City Of A Thousand Planets (Vudu)
Venom (MA + Sony points)
Walk Among The Tombstones, A (iTunes/ports)
War For The Planet Of The Apes (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Warm Bodies (iTunes 4K or GP HD)
War Room [2015] (MA + Sony points)
When The Game Stands Tall (MA + Sony points)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Vudu)
Wild Card (Vudu or Google Play)
Woman In Black, The [2012] (MA)
Woman In Gold (Vudu)
Wonder [2017] (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Won't Back Down [2012] (MA)
X-Men: Days Of Future Past (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
XXX: Return Of Xander Cage (iTunes 4K)
🦝

💲2️⃣ SD

All About Steve (iTunes/ports)
Descendants, The (iTunes/ports)
Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears A Who! (iTunes/ports)
Inside Llewyn Davis (MA)
Juno (iTunes/ports)
Marley & Me (iTunes/ports)
Mr. Popper's Penguins (iTunes/ports)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (iTunes/ports)
Rocker, The [2008] (iTunes/ports)
Tree Of Life, The (iTunes/ports)
We Bought A Zoo (iTunes/ports)
🦝

$1 Codes

💲1️⃣ HD

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi (Vudu)
Alex Cross (Vudu)
Avengers: Age Of Ultron (Google Play/ports)
Avengers: Endgame (Google Play/ports)
Avengers: Infinity War (Google Play/ports)
Battleship (MA)
Beauty & The Beast [2017] (Google Play/ports)
Big Hero 6 (Google Play/ports)
Black Panther (MA without points or Google Play/ports)
Bourne Ultimatum, The (MA)
Captain America: Winter Soldier (Google Play/ports)
Captain Marvel (Google Play/ports)
Choice, The [2016] (iTunes)
Deadpool (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Divergent (Vudu)
Divergent Series: Insurgent, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Doctor Strange (Google Play/ports)
Dog's Purpose, A (iTunes/ports)
Ender's Game (Vudu)
Escape Plan (Vudu)
Expendables 2, The (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Expendables 3, The [Theatrical] (iTunes 4K)
Expendables 3, The [Unrated] (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Fast & Furious 6 [Extended] (MA)
Fast Five [Extended] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Fate Of The Furious, The [8] [Theatrical] (HD MA)
Fifty Shades Darker [Unrated] (MA)
Finding Dory (Google Play/ports)
Furious 7 [Extended] (MA)
Girls Trip (MA or iTunes/ports)
Guardians Of The Galaxy (Google Play/ports)
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise (iTunes/ports)
Hocus Pocus (Google Play/ports)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (Vudu)
I Feel Pretty (iTunes)
Inside Out (Google Play/ports)
Iron Man 3 (MA only/no points or Google Play/ports)
John Wick 3 (Google Play)
Jungle Cruise [2021] (Google Play/ports)
Jurassic World (MA)
Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain (Vudu)
Kidnap [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Lightyear [2022] (Google Play/ports)
Lion King, The [2019] (Google Play/ports)
Lone Survivor (MA)
Maleficent (Google Play/ports)
Mission Impossible: Fallout (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (Vudu)
Moana (Google Play/ports)
Norm Of The North (Vudu)
Now You See Me (Vudu)
Oz: The Great & Powerful (Google Play/ports)
Pitch Perfect 2 (MA)
Planes (Google Play/ports)
Purge, The [2013] (MA)
Red 2 (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (Google Play/ports)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA)
Snitch (Vudu)
Snow White & The Huntsman [Extended] (MA)
Star Trek Beyond (Vudu)
Star Trek: Into Darkness (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Star Wars: Rise Of Skywalker (Google Play/ports)
Super Buddies (Google Play/ports)
Taken 2 (MA or Google Play/ports)
Ted [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [2014] (Vudu)
Thor: Ragnarok (Google Play/ports)
Toy Story 4 (Google Play/ports)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Vudu)
Transformers: The Last Knight (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection (Vudu)
Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions Of A Marriage Counselor (Vudu)
Unbroken [2014] (MA)
World War Z (Vudu)
XXX: Return Of Xander Cage (Vudu)
Zootopia (Google Play/ports)
🦝

💲1️⃣ SD

22 Jump Street (MA + Sony points)
Act Of Valor (iTunes)
Amazing Spider-Man, The (MA)
Annie [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Call Me By Your Name [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Captain Phillips (MA + Sony points)
Concussion (MA + Sony points)
Despicable Me (iTunes/ports)
Devil Inside, The [2012] (Vudu)
Elysium (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer, The (MA + Sony points)
Family Guy: Blue Harvest (iTunes)
Family Guy: It's A Trap! (iTunes)
Fury [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Glee: The Concert (iTunes/ports)
Goosebumps [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Grown Ups 2 (MA + Sony points)
Haunting In Connecticut, The (iTunes)
Haywire (iTunes)
Heaven Is For Real (MA + Sony points)
Hobo With A Shotgun (iTunes)
Hope Springs [2012] (MA)
Hours [2013] (Vudu)
Hugo (Vudu)
Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (iTunes/ports)
Immortals [2011] (iTunes)
Judy Moody & The Not Bummer Summer (iTunes)
Jumanji: The Next Level (MA + Sony points)
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (MA + Sony points)
Life As We Know It (iTunes)
Magnificent Seven, The [2016] (Vudu)
Mama Mia! The Movie (iTunes/ports)
Monuments Men, The (MA + Sony points)
Mortal Instruments : City Of Bones, The (MA + Sony points)
No Good Deed [2014] (MA + Sony points)
One For The Money (iTunes)
Ong Bak 3 (iTunes)
Peter Rabbit (MA)
Predators [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Public Enemies (iTunes/ports)
Rio (iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [2010] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Safe Haven (iTunes)
Something Borrowed (iTunes/ports)
Star, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Think Like A Man (MA + Sony points)
This Is The End (MA + Sony points)
Total Recall [2012] (MA + Sony points)
When The Game Stands Tall (MA + Sony points)
X-Men: First Class (iTunes/ports)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (iTunes/ports)
🦝

Super Cheap SD & HD Codes

All movies are 3 for $1 each/must spend at least $1 total
Expendables 2, The (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Frozen (Google Play/ports HD)
Hunger Games, The (Vudu SD or iTunes SD)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The (Vudu HD)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (iTunes SD only)
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (iTunes/ports SD)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Google Play/ports HD)
Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Google Play/ports HD)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection (iTunes HD only)
What To Expect When You're Expecting (iTunes SD only)
submitted by mthw704 to DigitalCodeSELL [link] [comments]

2023.06.07 22:01 KKshilling Making Your Next Career Move: Avoiding the Trap of False Actualization

Making Your Next Career Move: Avoiding the Trap of False Actualization
“The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.” – Carl Jung
The American culture around work and education emphasizes performance over purpose. Instead of encouraging children to welcome their idiosyncrasies and to deeply embrace the things they find innate joy and talent in, we enforce conformity.
Standardized tests, standardized courses, and standardized degrees produce standardized kids who go on to become standardized adults.
Over the course of two decades, a spirited child full of creativity and wonder is gone, replaced by a drone that’s proficient in Excel macros. It’s great for a vibrant economy, yet it comes at the expense of individual expression.
Nonetheless, our childlike spirit remains in us, trapped under layers of societal conditioning that have drawn us so far away from ourselves that we’ve lost touch with our inborn interests and who we once were.
Yet, it pings at us from time to time throughout our young adult lives, and into the depths of our careers. It’s a dull yet persistent sense that something is not quite right.
This is a common outcome for many of our culture’s brightest minds. So many of us struggle to find a greater sense of meaning, fulfillment, or validation in our work. Although it feels like we need to attain more to be satisfied, that’s a conflation of the feeling. The ping from our soul that something isn’t right is the dormant child inside of us asking to be let loose.
So, how do you avoid the trap of successful-yet-not-fulfilled? How do you design a life that activates the needs and desires you had as a child? How can you think through this intentionally before it’s too late?
Using my own career as an example, I’ll walk through a popular model of human needs and describe how to apply it to making more meaningful career decisions. You’ll see how easy it is to fall into the trap of what I call False Actualization.
By the end, you’ll have hopefully gut-checked yourself before making the next move down a potentially incorrect career path.
And, I hope, find your way back to doing something that speaks to your innermost needs.

Maslow and his Hierarchy of Needs

American psychologist Abraham Maslow is responsible for one of the earliest and most contemplated models for understanding human needs: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It spurred the creation of many other models for meaning since it was first introduced.
There’s something about it that hits home, not only with the clinicians in the world of positive psychology but for the average person seeking a framework to understand their feelings of meaninglessness.
As such, I’m going to use this model as the centerpiece for demonstrating the prior missteps I made with my own career.
First, let’s do a quick refresh of the model. Maslow’s theory attempts to categorize a broad set of human needs and their relative hierarchy to one another and has commonly been visualized as a stacked pyramid (even though Maslow didn’t create such a visualization himself).

  • Physiological. We first need to fulfill our basic physiological needs that account for our species-level survival, such as food, sleep, and sex.
  • Safety. Secondly, we must also feel safe and have conditions that ensure our ongoing safety. This is especially true for children.
  • Love. If both the physiological and safety needs are well met, then love, affection, and belonging needs will emerge.
  • Esteem. People need a stable, firmly-held, high evaluation of themselves and others. First, we desire strength, achievement, adequacy, independence, and freedom. Then, we desire reputation, prestige, recognition, attention, importance, or appreciation.
  • Self-Actualization. Even if all the aforementioned needs are met, some individuals may develop discontent or restlessness about their lives. These individuals need to actualize their unique potential and capabilities.
An essential aspect of Maslow’s theory is that each type of need can occupy a different position in the human psyche at any time. For example, all other needs fade into the background when basic physiological needs are not met, such as a person dying of dehydration or starvation.
On the other hand, when all physiological needs are consistently fulfilled, the need for Love or Esteem can take center stage as physiological needs drift into the background of consciousness.
​
https://preview.redd.it/2vch2kpxin4b1.png?width=928&format=png&auto=webp&s=7c12aca72e1900e98aaf56e8ef68b844b16d2220
I like to think of the sequence of needs falling into two broad categories: Survive and Thrive. The bottom of the pyramid houses the essentials for an organism to survive. Above those are the needs that lead to a subjective sense of thriving and fulfillment beyond basic survival.
The purpose of this post is to examine the tradeoffs that we make within the zone of thriving as we push deeper into our careers.

Applying Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to Your Career

We can think of our careers relative to Maslow’s hierarchy. As an example, when we begin our careers, many of us are focused on fulfilling our basic Physiological and Safety needs.
When I was 21, I got my first full-time job. It didn’t pay much. I earned $18,000 per year and had $30,000 in student debt. Consequently, survival was a primary need at the forefront of my psyche. I needed to have enough money for rent, food to eat, and enough left over after those needs to slowly chip away at my student loans.
The debt overhang felt like a threat to my safety as an organism so getting my net worth out of negative territory was a fundamental safety need for me. Consequently, that became the primary thrust of my career in its early days.
​

After 5 years of working hard and squirreling away money, I managed to pay off my debt and establish some career momentum. That translated into a sense of security, which made room for a new set of needs to take center stage in my psyche during the next leg of my career push.
But as my career grew, so too did the demands of the job. In turn, this changed which needs were met, and which were neglected.
I call this the demand dimension.
While some jobs allow the separation of your work and life into two separate realms, others require a near-complete integration of the two, like being the CEO or an early employee of a growing startup. These are demanding positions that typically make it difficult for your life not to be dominated by work.
When I was VP and President at Wealthfront, my Safety and Physiological needs were more than compensated for, and my Esteem needs were met due to the prestige that accompanied the position.
However, my Love and Self-Actualization needs were majorly neglected due to soaring career demands.

After several years of putting Esteem needs above other needs, I was paying the price spiritually and emotionally.
This may look familiar to you: it’s typical for high-achievers entering mid-career. Disproportionately high work demands will come at the expense of your other needs.
As Maslow stated, each need may occupy a different position in your psyche at any point in time. It’s essential to understand this attribute instead of thinking that each need on the ladder of needs is a box to be checked. And, once checked, it is perpetually satisfied.
That is not the case. Rather, the needs in the hierarchy tend to trade off with one another, especially when one need is heavily emphasized versus the others.
Perhaps this is at the heart of why active duty military members have the highest divorce rate of any profession in the country, with a divorce rate twice the national average. Members of the military relinquish many of the freedoms that civilians have and face stressful or traumatizing situations regularly.
These situations place significant stress on their relationships. Love, Esteem, and Self-Actualization needs can fall by the wayside in exchange for serving the country.
For many high-achievers, the need for respect, admiration, and achievement can swoop in and occupy the psyche once physiological and safety needs are met. However, it’s important to anticipate the unintended consequences of a rapid and primary focus on meeting Esteem needs.
I have a very close friend that works in tech who once said, “I have zero desire to become an executive. It looks awful. I’d like to make it to Director level, at most, and stay there for as long as possible.”
I deeply respected this, because it highlighted an approach to a more balanced life. He already felt respected and appreciated at work, and would rather have more space to fulfill his love needs with friends, family, hobbies, and more.
His pyramid probably looks something more like this:

His career demands are still high, but he stops himself short of demands that consume other aspects of his life. As a result, he’s one of the most emotionally stable and fulfilled friends I know in the technology industry.
You, too, can have the same. Unfortunately, within the ultra-competitive tech world, high-achievers are often enticed to keep climbing up and up, only to then fall into disrepair once they realize how many of their other needs beyond Esteem may be neglected.

The Trap of False Actualization

“You'll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you're doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you'll hear about them.” – Bill Waterson, Cartoonist and Creator of Calvin and Hobbes
If you’ve been conditioned over decades to follow linear paths of success, you may be prone to going down a path of achievement that is not your own.
Self-Actualization is not the same as achievement. Achievement is typically defined by external measures and expectations from others.
Self-actualization, on the other hand, is not measured according to the opinions of others. It is becoming your authentic self and realizing the full spectrum of your unique interests and capabilities. The end result of self-actualization may be external success, but that’s an unintended consequence, not the objective.
A child may have natural math ability but not actually enjoy math. Still, their teacher or parents may push them to accelerate further in math simply because they are good at it, or because it’s “necessary for success.”
However, that child may be better off in the long run by pursuing literature and writing if those align with the child’s own subjective view of fulfillment and meaning.
I fell quite easily into the trap of False Actualization, which is defined as the path to success based on others’ expectations of you, but not what you genuinely want for yourself.
I was a straight-A student, went to a great college, built a great career, and made great money.
And then I was miserable. That wasn’t the outcome I expected.
Eventually, I understood why. I had succeeded over and over again at doing things others expected of me, a pattern that had been internalized from a very early age. Truthfully, I didn’t enjoy a lot of the work I did. Still, I suppressed the unhappiness and continued onward.
In colloquial terms, False Actualization means that you’ve climbed to the top of someone else’s ladder.
This happens when smart people in Silicon Valley are hellbent on starting a company because that’s the most prestigious thing one can do. It happens when ladder-climbers are determined to become high-ranking high-paid executives without asking “is this what I truly want?”
It’s the continuation of the process of standardizing humans that began early in our lives.
I know about this because I have been one of those ladder climbers. At Wealthfront, I was promoted three times in three years. Had I not had a heart attack scare, I would have been on track to be promoted again to CEO — the fourth time in four years.
This is a high-achiever on auto-pilot. I was on auto-pilot headed toward false actualization. I said yes to each new role because I didn’t want to disappoint others, and the esteem was compelling.
By the end of that long journey, my hierarchy looked like this:

I was held in high regard and proud of myself for what I had accomplished, yet I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically bankrupt.
Because I went through all of this, I discovered that there is a better way of doing things.

Avoid the Path of False Actualization: Find Your Model for Meaning

During a recent trip to Northern Thailand, I met a farmer that was a practicing Buddhist. During our conversation, he said something simple but critically important for anyone searching for meaning.
“Everyone wants to get to Bangkok. The problem is that people try to follow other people’s roads to Bangkok. You must find your own road to Bangkok.”
His catchy metaphor is the antidote to False Actualization. You must spend time carving your own path that provides you with your own internal sense of meaning and fulfillment.
Self-Actualization is the output of finding your own way to Bangkok.
For one person, meaning may come through manual labor that pays the bills enough that their family is well-fed and secure. For another person, meaning may come from ditching the rat race to set out on their own path in life separate from the masses, which is my chosen path. Others derive a great sense of meaning by being part of a once-in-a-generation company doing inspiring work, happy to play a small part in a purpose they wouldn’t be able to fulfill on their own.
The question remains: how do I find my authentic purpose so that I avoid False Actualization?
I’ll share my personal process, which I pulled together from various pieces of spiritual wisdom. It involves the following:
  1. Use Spiritual Autolysis to Examine (and Discard) False Beliefs
  2. Protect the Mind to Avoid Toxic New Beliefs from Entering
  3. Develop a Practice That Provides the Heartbeat for Your Life

Examine (and Discard) False Beliefs

Jed McKenna, the pseudonymous author behind the Spiritual Enlightenment Trilogy, coined the term Spiritual Autolysis. Autolysis in biology means to “digest itself”, so it refers in this context to relentlessly assessing all of your existing beliefs to understand what is true.
Ultimately, this is a process to break down and discard old beliefs that are no longer serving you. As Jed McKenna put it:
"Here's all you need to know to become enlightened: Sit down, shut up, and ask yourself what's true until you know. That's it. That's the whole deal - a complete teaching of enlightenment, a complete practice. If you ever have any questions or problems - no matter what the question or problem is - the answer is always exactly the same: Sit down, shut up, and ask yourself what's true until you know."
Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements also provides a repeatable method for Spiritual Autolysis. I’ve taken the approach laid out in his book and adapted it to this particular challenge:
  • Understand your beliefs and where they came from
  • Practice eliminating those beliefs
  • Practice adopting new beliefs
  • Try your best every day
To kickstart the autolysis of your beliefs regarding work and building a career, start with the following questions. Pick one, sit down, shut up, and whittle it down until you find what is true.
  • What is the purpose of a career?
  • What does “success” mean in a career?
  • How much does money matter to me and what would I use a lot of money for?
  • Should I work until I die, or should I not?
  • What do I think of the concept of work-life balance?
  • What did my teachers often tell me about careers?
  • What messages did my parents give me about a career?
  • What do careers look like in different parts of the world?
  • What have careers looked like at different points in human history?
  • What role does a career play in my overall life fulfillment?
  • How have my friends influenced my career decisions?
  • How have my bosses influenced my career decisions?
When I went through this process, I underestimated the depths of the delusion I was living.
The financial insecurity I felt as an adult had its origin in the financial insecurity I felt as a child in a low-income family that went through bankruptcy. This realization helped me shed false beliefs still present in my adulthood that I needed to make more money in order to be safe and secure.
Examining, and then discarding, this belief set me free from sacrificing my physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being in pursuit of yet another unnecessary paycheck.
I also realized the insanity that is the American ideal around retirement. It was no longer true to me that the American way was the only way to work.
Japanese wisdom has a different approach known as Ikigai, which roughly translates to “a reason for being.” Retirement has no place within this ancient system for living a fulfilling life. Carriers of Japanese heritage understood that our lives are cut short when we have no reason for being.
Instead of destroying ourselves with overwork until the age of 65 so that we can fall purposelessly into the grave, we can instead find work that satisfies our soul and feels delighted to do so until we take our Big Sleep.
These are just a few of the false truths I was able to deprogram myself away from via Spiritual Autolysis.

Protect the Mind to Avoid Toxic Beliefs From Entering

The second step in my method is about preventing fast food information from entering your mind – which is most of the highly processed information you receive each day. Your mind is already full of many harmful beliefs because you were brought up in a world that indoctrinated you with information before you had awareness and a choice.
Whereas Spiritual Autolysis helps break those beliefs down and get rid of them, this next step is about preventing more bad ideas from taking root in your mind.
The first step I recommend is getting rid of all junk sources of information. Or, if you can’t get rid of them entirely, use whatever tools are available to filter out most of the noise.
For me, that meant all non-work social media and cable TV news had to go. Unless I can hear directly from the source, I ignore the information. Once you’ve limited the firehose of junk food information, continue to listen critically to everything that you hear.
There’s a reason I only follow just a few accounts on Twitter. One is an account that posts pictures of dogs, the other is a non-profit that I’m on the board of that helps military veterans, and another is Mike Tyson, who has undergone one of the most beautiful spiritual and emotional transformations in recent history.
I try to ignore everything else because, at best, it’s second-hand information. The vast majority of public information has been rinsed, washed, and processed as much as the American diet. To understand what is true for you, you need to create enough space to listen and observe for yourself. Most of what we consume is the noise that prevents us from accessing that signal.

Develop a Practice That Provides the Heartbeat for Your Life

The life you envision for yourself doesn’t happen because you think hard enough about it. The life you desire unfolds as the result of daily practice.
As the psychotherapist Eric Fromm once said, “The first step to take is to become aware that love is an art, just as living is an art... we must proceed in the same way we have to proceed if we want to learn any other art, say music, painting, carpentry, or the art of medicine or engineering."
I implemented two types of practices in my life. I call them Type 1 and Type 2 Changes.
Type 1 Changes refer to the primary pillars of your life: where you live, the type of work you do, your friendships, romantic relationships, family relationships, diet and exercise, sleep, and any other major affiliations such as a religious practice. These are big rocks where new practices may need to be established.
Type 2 Changes are the small rocks. These are the incidentals that fill out a daily routine, such as the use of a meditation app for a brief morning meditation, fitness trackers to count daily steps, etc.
Most people who are hungry for a change in their life tend to dabble in Type 2 Changes while avoiding Type 1 Changes. This is another big trap.
Type 1 Changes have made the largest and most sustained impact on my sense of peace and fulfillment.
I moved away from a stressful city. I quit a stressful and unfulfilling career. I dropped old friends that were not supportive of my new life direction. I picked up participation in a 12-steps program so that I could be around others that were working hard to transform themselves. And now I’ve shifted my career focus to helping others after stockpiling enough savings from my prior work.
I also use Type 2 tools. I have a habit tracker app that helps me stick to a daily routine to log exercise, sugar, and processed food consumption, morning meditations, nighttime journaling, and pleasure reading.
Both types of change are part of my practice. Some are small, daily patterns. Others are monolithic shifts. The magic is found in the combination of both and you must be willing to combine both types of changes if you want a substantial and lasting shift in your overall sense of well-being.

Make Your Next Move

If you already feel in alignment and fulfilled by your current life, keep it up!
But if you’re nodding along while reading, or feeling the ping that something’s not quite right, it may be time for you to listen inward.
Take the sabbatical you’ve been putting off over and over again. Carve out time in your schedule to do the creative project that you’ve put on the back burner. Stop seeking career advice from others. Talk to people that live very different lives than you do. Travel to parts of the world where making a lot of money and having high-profile careers aren’t part of the cultural lexicon. Don’t stop until you discover your own road to Bangkok.
Charles Bukowski captured the spirit of this best when he said, “Find what you love and let it kill you.”
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2023.06.07 21:50 XO8441 Why be vegan, but eat at causal/ fast food joints?

Of course there is an exception for everything, but I mean why do this frequently? I mean like Panda Express or Taco Bell having vegan options. My understanding is two reasons for being vegan.
1) to alleviate the poor treatment inflicted on animals or to reduce the harm done to the environment. ** If this is the case then why would you want to support a company who is a part of the issue?
2) it’s a healthier lifestyle. ** If this is the case, then why would you want to eat at places that are unhealthy, even if you get a healthy option.
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2023.06.07 21:15 Ok-Operation7722 Can I get my energy in 1 day?

It's so hard to function after restricting for too many days. I can't stay standing for more than 10 seconds without feeling too exhausted, lightheaded and so weak that my legs start to hurt. Getting up is worse because theres a chance I might black out. I'm so exhausted
This is no way to live and the fact that Im going on a trip tomorrow terrifies me so I thought fine, Ill eat something "bad" today. I got a bowl of chow mein and orange chicken from my favorite restaurant panda express. I feel like I ate a lot, I can't eat more but I'm still weak. If I ate the whole thing bit by bit today, would I get my energy back or would it take days to get my energy?
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2023.06.07 20:50 contactjagruti AppOmni is looking for Senior/Lead Golang Developer

As a Senior Backend Software Engineer on the Threat Detection Engineering team, you will contribute directly to major components of AppOmni’s SaaS Security Posture Management (SSPM) platform. In collaboration with technical leadership, you will be responsible for design and development of major areas of the codebase that implement security detection capabilities to support customers improving their security posture. This position in a rapidly growing security engineering company is an opportunity to take ownership of significant engineering decisions and implementation of technology that will improve the security of not only enterprise SaaS deployments but their customers and end-users as well. Your work will have direct and meaningful impact on securing our customers and their data - which may include your own data! These are challenging engineering problems in an exciting part of the security industry that do not yet have defined solutions. Successful candidates will have a history of strong problem solving skills and the ability to think creatively combined with top-notch engineering skills. You have 5+ years of experience in software development with a significant focus on Golang. Proficiency in building microservices using gRPC. Proven experience in designing, building, and maintaining ETL pipelines, preferably for Event/Audit Log security detection. Familiarity with message queues, specifically PubSub, Kafka, or Pulsar. Experience implementing and managing both OLAP and OLTP databases, ensuring optimal performance and reliability. Experience with CI/CD tools for deployment automation. Demonstrated ability to work in a team environment and mentor less experienced team members. Excellent technical and non-technical communication skills. You might also have Familiarity with Python3 and/or Rust Prior security operations experience Experience with Kubernetes and Terraform for managing infrastructure; particularly on Google Cloud Platform. Technology you'll work with Golang Python3 PubSub BigQuery Redis Postgres Google Cloud Platform + Google Kubernetes Engine We have A flexible, remote-first company, with team of talented individuals who love answering questions, guided by high bar for quality and commitment to self-improvement and personal growth. An open mind for new ideas and methodologies, offering. Competitive salary and benefit options, as well as opportunities and support for massive career growth. Culture We believe in cultivating excellence - within ourselves, and in the work that we do. Our team of customer-centric, data-driven experts are brought together by a shared passion to create tools for the greater good. We are determined to make a difference, to positively impact our way of life by securing the technology that is changing the world. We believe in being a trusted and transparent partner to our customers, and we are fervent about providing them with high-quality, usable, and dependable software focused on the human experience, built out of a culture of coopetition and a deep understanding of their needs and goals. We value passion, courage, and kindness. We also know that outstanding talent isn’t found in one location. Our team - veterans of cloud software, security startups, international travel brands, and some of the biggest giants in technology - spans from the mountains of Colorado to the skylines of San Francisco and New York City. We value our people, and know that wellness and a healthy work/life balance enables them to thrive and bring us their best. Autonomous schedules, flexible commutes, and freedom from punching a clock means our team is empowered to enjoy life, work while inspired, and available when needed. About AppOmni AppOmni is a leading provider of SaaS Security Management software. The company was founded by a team of security veterans from top SaaS providers and cybersecurity vendors, and its customer base includes global leaders across technology, healthcare, banking, and finance as well as many of the most well-known cybersecurity providers. AppOmni's patented technology scans APIs, security controls, and configuration settings to compare the current state of enterprise SaaS deployments against best practices and business intent. The solution offers fast deployment, instant visibility, and makes it easy for security and IT teams to secure their entire SaaS environment from each vendor to every end user. As SaaS applications evolve, AppOmni stays current with all updates and releases to keep customer environments secure over time. https://appomni.com/about/ AppOmni is an equal opportunity employer. Applicants will not be discriminated against because of race, color, creed, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, age, religion, national origin, citizenship status, disability, ancestry, marital status, veteran status, medical condition or any protected category prohibited by local, state or federal laws.
If interested please apply here : https://grnh.se/a3153fb84us
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2023.06.07 20:38 cynicalnoodles My (25M) girlfriend (24F) of almost 2 years is worried about the long-term

My girlfriend and I have been dating almost 2 years. We have been long distance for the last year (7hrs flight away), and see each other in-person about 7 days a month. She is about to move closer (2.5 hrs away) to start a PhD program in the fall, and is understandably under a lot of stress around that.
Neither of us dated much before other than a few coffee or dinner meetups that went nowhere during/post-college. We both had 1-2 year long relationships in high school.
Her parents divorced a few months ago. One factor in the divorce, among several others, is that her mother felt that she settled down too soon without having explored herself or dated many other besides her father. My girlfriend shares that fear, and has been worried about her own lack of dating experience.
We are serious, and have talked about considering getting married and starting a family within the next 5 years. But that nagging fear of wanting to explore herself has been a constant fear of my girlfriend ever since things got serious between us.
On her most recent visit, we nearly broke up. She expressed that she was feeling like she needed more space. I offered to reduce our contact/virtual dates when we are apart, and she was open to that idea. I told her that we should take advantage of the time we are long distance to explore our hobbies, careers, and friendships.
But she nearly left because she is worried about the long term. She worries that this is doomed to fail because of that nagging fear of not having had dating experiences with enough partners. I told her I still wanted to try anyways, because our relationship has been so special, and she agreed for now.
I know this will be a long term issue for us to work through. How can I best support her, while also building her and my confidence that what we have is really special?
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