Bath and body works tina marie

hi there,
i was wondering of anyone else is the same or has some advice.
i'm 21 and have been questioning my sexuality since i was about 14 and my gender since about 17. i know it's good to take your time and that but i feel like i've been questioning for too long and just want to know.
i am fine with the fact that i'm romantically attracted to different genders. though idk about sexuality as i have no feelings and no experience and don't know if i'm ace, scared of sex, trauma or just don't feel that due to depression or something physically wrong with me.
with gender i have a lot of dysphoria (mostly top) which honestly i dont know how to live with this anymore (it genuinely makes me suicidal) and i hate my name as its too feminine and ive always disliked it. i am certain i want top surgery but i don't know if im trans male or non binary. i'm also worried this is all just body image issues and i'm actually just a girl who just hates my boobs, my name, being called a woman girl lady etc. and looking like a girl.
i have refered myself to the gender identity clinic but idk if they can even help me when i'm this unsure and it would take years until i can even access help due to waiting lists. and i need help now not in years to come, like i said top surgery is something that would really help elevate dysphoria whatever my identity is and dysphoria is completely unbearable at the moment. to the point where ive considered cutting them off myself (i know this wouldn't work out well which is stopping me from trying but i think about it all the time)
a few close friends use they them pronouns for me but i'm too scared to ask people i'm not close with to use any other pronouns except she/her. i think i'd be happier with he him pronouns as well as they them but I look like a girl (which i hate but am also too scared to change as i'd have to be out or people would make assumptions and im terrified of people knowing)
i just worry that I'm going to spend the rest of my life uncertain and be too scared to make any changes or ask people to call me things and that's just a life i can't live. i just want to be able to know who i am and be able to freely live as myself without it being mocked or ridiculed or seen as some kind of "woke" political statement (i've seen a lot of people arguing that trans and non binary doesn't exist and that makes me feel scared and like i can never express myself the way i would feel comfortable or use the pronouns i want)
i'm sorry this is a bit all over the place. i would really appreciate some advice or to feel less alone if anyone else feels the same way
also put a trigger warning just in case as i mentioned suicidal ideation and self harm (diy top surgery thoughts)

Anyone looking for someone to body double/study with irl?
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A little background - I'm no longer in school and am currently studying for the EPPP (psychology) licensure exam. I have been struggling to do so on my own and would like an in-person study buddy. Unfortunately, since I'm relatively new to town and no longer a student, I don't know where to find said person(s). I'm not necessarily looking for others studying for the EPPP, or even psychology per se, but it would be nice to have someone in the general field on MH care as we can bounce ideas off each other if we're in the same realm of study. Also, since that's my field of expertise I could maybe offer some help to psych students. If you're not a psych student, that's okay, too! I'm mostly just looking for someone else to meet up with once or twice a week to study irl.
​
If you're in need of a study buddy, please DM me! Would love to get coffee/tea/snacks and get some work done!

tw for body dysphoria and dysmorphia, disordered eating, death and i guess suicidal thoughts
my boyfriends gran died a couple of days ago, and as a trans guy, this meant that i needed to get my first suit. it arrived today, but everything was too fucking small, apart from the shirt i bought myself. this moment which id wanted since i was 14, to be in a mans suit, to be seen as a man, to be me, and its ruined by the fact that ive fucking put on weight and i havent had top surgery. honestly making me spiral so much i want to final yeet. i feel like ill never be a man, ill never be myself, nothing is worth anything. honestly wish my sui attempts had actually worked in the past; im so done with it all. somehow, whats worse is my boyfriends insistence that it looked good, even though id told him how it had mafe me feel, and how i felt looking in the mirror. im so done with everything ahahahaha

I am Osher, a 22-year-old man from Tel Aviv, Israel.
I am a Caucasian man, 178 cm (5'10) slim body, and my eyes & hair are dark brown.
I speak both English & Hebrew fluently.
I recently finished my military service.
This summer, I will be working in Atlanta, Georgia, as a counselor in a day camp.
I am looking for empowering, fulfilling, dates with older women (45+) in the USA since it is very rare to date an older woman as a younger guy in Israel, which makes it very hard to fulfill myself and who I am.
Music (soft rock, R&B) and beautiful views (sunsets e.g.) are the things I like most in this life of mine.
I would like to get to know you the best way possible, eat out together, dance, go out on trips, and have absolute fun TOGETHER.
​
If you live in the state of Georgia, I'd be glad to get to know you and maybe see you this summer.
​
I am looking forward to it very much, so do not hesitate to message me :)
I will be more than glad to get to know you and to see you this summer!

Im like 6 days in, and im working on getting a rex so I can go to the swamp and get easy leeches, instead of some tedious kill them off a raft method. Until then Whenever I run into one of these SOB's I Just expect death, and hopefully not 4 mins of it circling my body whilst im within an inch of life.

Hello sleep this is Eli,
I get about 2 hours of sleep a night, for 18months now. I've been looking under every rock for a solution but have only gotten worse. I feel 100% fine during the day, I can do almost every stretch and exercise with no trouble or pain. But after about 30minutes of laying down, the discomfort begins.
The problem is different depending on how I try to sleep. For instance, if I sleep on my side, my arm starts to go numb and the veins in my forehead pop out until I turn just my head toward the ceiling. If I try to sleep that way, my shoulder compresses and the back deltoid area starts to ache (this all happens on both sides).
If I try to sleep on my back, my traps get sore and it feels like the right side of my back is propped up more than the left. Also, saliva builds up in the back of my throat forcing me to swallow or eventually choke.
Stomach sleeping I avoided but eventually got desperate. This doesn't work either, as it's very hard to breathe, even with no pillow.
Current sleep habits: -always go to bed at 10pm, "wake up" 6:30am -I dont drink alcohol, caffeine, drugs, smoking (I am on adderall but quitting for a week made no difference) -I dont eat/drink or exercise after 7pm, I dont nap ever -I made my room completely free of noise and light
Things I've tried: -4 different chiropractors -3 different physical therapists -5 different pillows (2 inch think firm for back sleeping, 4 inch medium for side aka the distance from my head to the end of my shoulder) -pillow under knees or body pillow between knees and under arm -3 different mattresses soft/medium and firm -cortisone injection in shoulders -multiple prescription sleeping pills -asking chatgpt every question I could think of -xray and mri of shoulders, neck & spine (found nothing but mild 8% scoliosis in lumbar and cervical) -every youtube stretch and exercise I could find, some for months -recording myself to make my spine as straight as possible -corrected desk posture= aka feet flat on ground, 90degree elbows, eyes straight ahead, lumbar cushion (I used to sit at desk for 8 hours a day, for a decade)
My latest theory is some sort of muscle imbalance but every physical therapist looks at me like a deer in the headlights when I mention it and have found very little info on how to fix this myself. Also, my self diagnosis has been highly unreliable so far, so take that with a grain of salt. When the aches wake me up, I still can't tell if it's originating from the muscle or bone.
Any help is greatly appreciated.

Spring break was nice. Gave me the right state of mind to write this chapter, and the next ones coming up within the week. **note that I don't know enough about bug biology so if you have any articles about bug behavior and anatomy that'd be great
DREAMS
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First
Previous
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I was not entirely sure what happened. All I know is that he walked off to go do his business and he… vanished. Just like that. Almost in an instant. He could not have simply wandered off, he had simply vanished off the face of the earth. I had heard every theory given by the authorities, and none made sense. How could someone walk a few meters behind you and disappear completely?
I paced back and forth in the bedroom of her new house, going over every detail of the situation. It was late at night and we were stargazing. All was extremely quiet. There were no rustles in the bushes or anything during the time that he had vanished, and there were certainly no cries of pain or exclamations of surprise that would indicate he was attacked. I had lost track of him for approximately 12 seconds before he had vanished. When he vanished, I thoroughly searched the surrounding area for any signs of life. Footprints, dens, nests, fluids, and whatever else, I analyzed. I found no evidence that there was anything else in the clearing we were present in except us. This meant that whatever could have possibly taken him did it extremely stealthily.
But why? I sat down on the bed with my hands on my head, pondering the question in grief. Why him? Why the sweet and lovely man that I had known for so long? If he was taken, why must they have chosen the love of my life?
I was filled with both rage and grief. I wanted to punch the wall as I wept, to let my emotions take hold and thrash about wildly in an uncontrollable meltdown, but instead I opted to sit on the ground and cry to myself. No amount of wild tantrums would relieve her of the pain, and I knew that. I permitted my dog to sit next to me and rest his head on my shoulder. I found it comforting.
Once I was done with my weeping, I immediately went back to theorizing. It was surreal, really. The last few days had been a repeat of this situation over and over. I had not been able to make sense of it. It made no sense. It was impossible. Well, according to normal logic it was. Was there anything else I had not considered?
I had done significant research into missing persons cases in similar circumstances as these. People disappearing when they should not have, people vanishing the moment they leave someone else’s sight, and those experienced with nature seemingly going insane and traveling to places they should not have. It was all eerily similar to what she had experienced. They had named these kinds of cases the “Missing 411” cases. Perhaps they would have to add in his case then.
Later that day, after I had done additional research into the situation, I decided that rest would be beneficial for me after I had gone 2 days without sleep. Luckily, it seemed my mind was too tired to protest, and I went to sleep without any sorts of issues.
In my dreams, I imagined myself in a grey void that seemed to stretch in all directions for infinity. I did not mind it, though. I wished to remain alone in that moment. I sat down on the cold, yet soft floor of the void, and simply stared off into the distance.
I imagined seeing him again. Seeing Timothy’s form approaching me and embracing me. Telling me it was going to be okay, that I did not have to worry anymore. I knew it was imaginary, but I refused to admit that. I hugged him and kissed him like he had never left me, like he had never been taken from me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried on his shoulder for what felt like an eternity. I wanted him back, my sweet, sweet husband that I had known since high school, I needed him back. He was the only person I could trust, the only one who had confided in me his true feelings, the only one who told me the truth, the only one who really cared.
In that moment, he had disappeared from the void, leaving me alone once again. I was about to let out a wail of grief until I noticed a figure in the distance. It seemed to be a rapidly approaching darkness that grow a little more clear the closer it came. It was almost like I was viewing it through the glass of a shower door.
However, despite its obvious creepiness, I could not bring myself to fear it. Instead, I felt comfort. I did not know why. I knew I should have been afraid, but in that moment, I could not help but draw myself closer. As I approached, the figure of whatever this was became more apparent. It seemed humanoid. It had a pair of legs, a pair of arms, and a head. Every part of its body seemed to be as black as the night, and a cloud of this darkness seemed to follow it as it approached.
As I walked closer, I came across a barrier that seemed to be the source of the blur. I leaned closer, staring at the figure as it come to a stop right in front of the glass. I felt a certain familiarity regarding this figure. Could it be…?
The figure put its hand to the glass, and a pair of white lights shined where its eyes would be.
“Leah?” It asked.
It was him.
I was so shocked she could barely gather the strength to move my own hand up to the barrier, resting my palm across from his hand. As tears fell down my cheeks, I croaked out my own reply.
“Timothy?”
The figure nodded, and soon after, he disappeared from the void, returning to whenever he came from.
I cried once again. Not out of grief, but of joy. Of course, he was still missing, but he was alive. He was still out there somewhere. There was still a chance I could be with him once again.
There were still yet many questions in my mind. Why was there a barrier between me and my love? Where was he? How could I get to him? Was he safe? Could he perish at any moment?
These questions overtook my mind for the entire time I dreamt. I questioned not his appearance or the creepiness associated with it. The only thing on my mind in that moment was my husband, and how I could reunite with him.
The description of the events surrounding this time may be… inconsistent. It was very soon after Timothy had gone missing, and I was very hysterical during this time. However, as far as I can tell, this is what had happened. Following this dream, I remember my awakening as being fully rested and clear of mind. The hysteria had vanished from my mind, and I had given myself one purpose. That is, to figure out where my husband had disappeared to and to reunite with him as soon as possible. Now, my search would have been fruitless had the news that would blast over the entire planet a few weeks later not unveiled itself, as my husband was nowhere where I thought he was. He was, in fact, beyond that.
He had not fully comprehended his situation until after he had woken up in that hole in the side of an alien spacecraft. He probably would have had an emotional breakdown, but something was preventing him from falling into despair. An unusual calmness that held him together in such a difficult time. He elected not to question it and to instead thank it. Now was not the time to panic.
He looked around the hole in the ship, analyzing the changes that had taken place since he was fully conscious. The hole had grown substantially larger, and the cover that he had placed behind him to ensure he was hidden had been… corroded? It was as if some large beast had taken a big bite out of it. Why had that happened?
He decided to intensify his focus on the environment around him, looking for any clues as to how this could have happened. Suddenly, he found the reason. The same… things… he was made of were floating about, consuming bit-by-bit pieces of the ship and (he assumed) using that to multiply or feed themselves or whatever.
He did not like that they were doing that. He really did not need that right now. How could he stopped them from doing that? He attempted to lift his hand to his chin to think for a moment, before realizing that he had lost his humanoid form. He cursed in his head and manipulated his body to the optimal form.
Maybe he could use the same method for those runaway… things? He still did not know what to call them, but he knew that they were tiny swarms originating from a much larger swarm, that being himself. He would just call them swarmites. He focused his will on ensuring the swarmites he saw would return to the main swarm, individually guiding each swarmite back into his care. It worked very well, with all of the littles swarmites returned to their progenitor. Now that that had been taken care of, he needed to ensure that they did not do that when he was busy “sleeping” or focused on other tasks.
He thought for a moment before manipulating his form once again. A thin membrane formed around his body, keeping the swarm in a consistent form outside his will and allowing him to interact with physical world far easier than before. Perfect!
Now that he had finished his task, he looked out to the vast expanse of space. He could not see any ships, which meant they had probably not stumbled across the sight of himself in the hole… probably. In any case, he knew he needed to move now that the hole was exposed, as they would definitely send someone to investigate once they located it. Whoever runs this ship will probably get chewed out for it.
In that moment he remembered those he was fleeing from. The bug people. He barely remembered their shape, as he was too busy escaping their clutches. All he knew is that they had kidnapped him from earth and had fed him to something, and now he was a sentient swarm made of something unknown to even himself. Whatever the case, they seemed to be afraid of him, given the massive amount of munitions they had fired at him once he began to significantly resist. He could not blame them entirely.
He began to float outside the ship and look around. All the ships he had seen earlier were still present, and in much the same positions as before. Hopefully they would not spot him.
He chose the least threatening ship he could and began floating toward it, taking note not to speed toward it lest he make himself more noticeable. The greater the velocity, the greater the energy, after all. Plus, he would rather not crash full speed into a giant spaceship if he failed to slow himself down.
What he did not know in that moment was that he had not taken every part of himself with him. Many swarmites remained behind, and now that their master had left, had taken to drifting through the ship, looking for any openings that would allow access to the habitable parts of the ship, where many bugs walked.
One of these bugs was in the cleaning chambers, using water to wash themselves of any potential germs or gross secretions. It was enjoying itself until a large collection of strange black gas began falling down from a vent above the bug.
“What in…?” the bug did not finish its response as it was forced to cough from the smoke-like gas invading its lungs. After a violent and intense coughing session, the bug regained its faculties.
“Preposterous! I cannot believe the engineers are allowing smoke into the ventilation systems! I am going to strangle them! They have wronged me too many…” the bug said before a stray thought entered its mind. It suddenly found its original mission far less important than traveling to its resting quarters and cuddling with its mate.
“Hm… he is likely feeling quite alone at this moment. I should pay him a visit, I am certain he will enjoy a surprise,” the female bug said. She immediately set her sights on the exit of the bathing quarters and began walking toward the resting quarters, ignoring the fact that she was still wet and had not brought her belongings.

On this past Saturday, volunteers for West Tuality Habitat for Humanity spent the beautiful day - the first one we've had in many weeks - cleaning up a lot in rural Washington County, clearing a great deal of brush and vines, putting in fence posts, building fence panels and otherwise prepping the site for eventual building. Thank you to these volunteers from Pacific University (in environmental studies) and from the St. Francis Catholic Church in Roy and Visitation of the Blessed Virgin Mary Catholic Church in Verboort, as well as our core group of Habitat house-building volunteers who joined them. Here's more info on how to volunteer (not all volunteer with West Tuality Habitat takes place outdoors and construction experience is NOT required).
Volunteers from Pacific University after a day of helping West Tuality Habitat for Humanity.
Volunteers from two area of Catholic Churches and core volunteers after a day of helping West Tuality Habitat for Humanity.
West Tuality Habitat for Humanity is a local affiliate of Habitat for Humanity International and was formed in 1991. It is a 501-c-3 charitable organization which develops and builds homes with local community members in Western Washington County who are considered low-income.
Habitat houses are built primarily by volunteers. For West Tuality Habitat, there is a core group of volunteers with advanced construction skills who work at least three days a week on Habitat projects in Western Washington County. These core volunteers are regularly joined in the work by families that have qualified for home ownership through Habitat, as well as volunteers from the community.
In addition to the affordable housing program, West Tuality Habitat also has a critical home repair program for low-income seniors, military veterans, and people with disabilities, allowing them to remain in their homes and age in place. West Tuality Habitat also operates a ReStore in Forest Grove, selling gently-used, donated furniture, appliances, home furnishings and leftover building supplies. These sales help fund its Habitat activities in the area.
For more information about donating financially, volunteering or applying to be a program participant, visit the West Tuality Habitat for Humanity web site at www.westtualityhabitat.org or call (503) 359-8459. There is also information available at the Forest Grove ReStore at 3731 Pacific Avenue.

[Anti-Christ heroin woman]
You must be (White 4) my (Grey 5) lucky star (White 4)
'Cause you shine (White 4) on me (Grey 5) Wherever you are (White 4)
I just think (White 4) of you (Red 1)
And I start (Red 1) to glow (Grey 5)
And I need (Grey 5) your light (White 4)
And baby (Red 1) you know (White 4)
​
[Anti-Christ heroin woman]
Starlight (White 4), star bright (Grey 5)
First star (White 4) I see (Red 1) tonight (White 4)
Starlight (White 4), star bright (Grey 5)
Make everything (Red 1) alright (White 4)
Starlight (White 4), star bright (Grey 5)
First star (White 4) I see (Red 1) tonight (White 4)
Starlight (White 4), star bright (Grey 5),
yeah (Grey 5)!
​
[Anti-Christ heroin woman]
You must be (White 4) my (Grey 5) lucky star (White 4)
'Cause you make (White 4) the darkness (Grey 5) seem so far (White 4)
And when I'm lost (Grey 5) You'll be (White 4) my guide (Grey 5)
I just turn (Grey 5) around (White 4)
And you're by (White 4) my side (Grey 5)
​
[Anti-Christ heroin woman]
Starlight (White 4), star bright (Grey 5)
First star (White 4) I see (Red 1) tonight (White 4)
Starlight (White 4), star bright (Grey 5)
Make everything (Red 1) alright (White 4)
Starlight (White 4), star bright (Grey 5)
First star (White 4) I see (Red 1) tonight (White 4)
Starlight (White 4), star bright (Grey 5),
yeah (Grey 5)!
​
[Anti-Christ heroin woman]
C'mon (White 4), shine (White 4) your heavenly body (White 4) tonight (White 4)
'Cause I know (Red 1) you're gonna make (White 4) everything (Red 1) alright (White 4)
Um (Anti-Christ heroin man Grey 5),
c'mon (White 4), shine (White 4) your heavenly body (White 4) tonight (White 4)
'Cause I know (Red 1) you're gonna make (White 4) everything (Red 1) alright (White 4)
​
[Anti-Christ heroin woman]
You (Grey 5) may be (White 4) my lucky star (Grey 5)
But I'm (White 4) the luckiest (Grey 5) by far
---------
Cocaine Rock Heroin Roll cycle
Kingdom of Light = forever, always = all cocaine, History = His Story
9PM-12AM only cocaine during cocaine high
9PM Christ cocaine born (Christmas)(cocaine shot right arm)
10PM Father God cocaine (cocaine shot left arm)
11PM Holy Ghost cocaine (cocaine shot both arms)
​
12AM Anti-Christ wakes inside Christ cocaine when Christ cocaine shoots heroin
​
Rocking = Christ cocaine dominant, cocaine addiction
(12AM-3AM zigzag heroin during cocaine high)
shoot (heroin) to thrill (cocaine)
sometimes, something = some heroin
light, American Pie, drive, music, life, go, where
​
1AM Red = some heroin mostly cocaine (black dot white bar) I
wind, mountain, walk, story, speak, spring, queen, money, buy, battered, black hole sun, head, spick, forest, why, reason, know, stop, breeze, strong, speak, write, words, everything, all, diamonds, business, want, A, work, (1), style, how, got, I, eye, free, body, young, girl, mile, make, build, give, teacher, rock, do, the way, where, everyone, one eye open, stand, now, something's right, light thoughts, loose, believe, stand, wake up, pinky (1), easy, give, index finger (4), horns sign thumb out (1,4&5), love, thought, nose, sex, right, city, world, shaka sign (1&5), earth, whole, think, here, baby, light, see,
the answer (White 4) is blowing in the wind (Red 1) I
​
2AM Blue = more heroin mostly cocaine (white bar black outline)
rain, air, sea, run, road, sky, cry, song, wild, summer, king, change, sell, bruised, blue moon, mind, trees, fool, 17, illegal, go, speed, weak, superstition, feel, heard, no words, symbols, numbers, what, anything, hearts, church, B, play, vacation, holiday, 2, use, fake, matter, try, take, soul, boy, blow, time, move, challenge, risk, dare, student, do it, better way, hum, bawler, dance, bawl, (black Lamborghini), forget, say, something's wrong, heavy thoughts, bed, (let it go), lie down, this morning, thumb (5), hard, material, action, smells, rape, lust, endless day, wrong, fine, the blues, wish, pay, well, ocean, everywhere,
​
3AM Mercy hour
lavender, clear
Anti-Christ heroin kills Christ cocaine, mostly cocaine syringe becomes mostly heroin syringe
(3 = middle finger = Anti-Christ heroin fucks over Christ cocaine)
(Ouroboros = Dragon heroin addiction consumes body of Christ cocaine addiction)
(the day the music died)
​
Rolling = Anti-Christ heroin dominant, heroin addiction
(3AM-6AM zigzag cocaine during heroin high)
play (cocaine) to kill (heroin)
somewhere, somehow = some cocaine
night, dead, underground, alone, ride, come, need, star, when
​
4AM White = some cocaine mostly heroin (white dot black bar) you
Anti-Christ heroin woman, fall, dove, little bird, answer, smoke, sweat, tear, speck, pool, cat, (dead cat bounce), bone, good luck, clubs, agriculture (sowing the seeds of love), Sisyphus, whistle, orphan, bounce, bastard, call, (call of the wild), ball, little one, my son, tonight, forget, sleep, pillow, noise, skeleton, (skeleton in the closet), free from sin, (white from black), pray, prey, grain of sand, tucked in, mama, frontline, one in a million, shine, hitchhiker, flying, today, wonder, meaning of things, remeber, sing it, town, train station, help yourself, ringing, wife, mother, sister, wonder, times like these, pretend, wedding, (white wedding), message, SOS, apple, crazy, wherever, just think, your light, you must be, starlight, rock star, first star, alright, so far, found, blind, around, (she'll be coming around the mountain), you will be, c'mon, gonna make, your heavenly body,
​
5AM Grey = more heroin (black bar white outline) me
yellow
Anti-Christ heroin man, winter, question, fire, nowhere, rat, bat, wild, Blackjack, 21, fear, cannonball, pistol, bullet, spades, (the ace of spades), military, V, 5, hand, peace, pain, horn, shadow, grave, brawler, telephone, thing, hair, it, (shot caller), race, warm within, sand, war, liar, bite, kill, dream, die, hold, grip, tight, (hold on tight), take, hush, silence, beast, closet, wolf, beast, predator, squeeze, pressure, gravity, train, truck, keeper, yeah, deep down, gun, papa, chosen one, burn, horns sign thumb in (1&4), thumb, bad sign, last night, so low, appear to others, sleepless night, shame about it, shotgun, just can't, bell, (hell's bells), (brothers in arms), father, husband, brother, appearance, broken, drink, bottle, restless, hole, insane, star, me, need, glow, my, mine, star bright, lost, finder, (finders keepers), keep, guide, appear, my side, just turn, time, lucky, um, lucky star
​
6AM Black = (Black bar)
green,
All heroin, Devil, Devil heroin castle, (The Wall), jealousy, home, hell, grass, mother nature, sunrise, Dragula, Sandman, never never land, yeah-yeah, Lord above,
---------
More Metaphors:
cocaine: rock, moon, son, stone, Dutch, pink, letters, white, snow, hills, sweet, sugar, northern, 9, uptown, highlands, shiny, new, west, fly, truth, smile, hard, touch, silver, paper, sheets, sail, urban, west, god, hope, ...
heroin: roll, slip, strangle, slam, smack, dig, ditch, soft, velvet, sun, sunshine, Italian, brown, country, man, downtown, southern, poison, 8, rural, shelter, east, dark, misery, dirt, luck, mud, gold, frown, low, mule, madness, wrong, weak, broken, lonely, alone, gone, watch, strange, stranger, trunk, spread, nobody, nothing, bad, lies, trouble, dream, change, ...

Hi everyone,
I am 9 months into my incubation/accelerator programme and I am struggling. I was accepted into this program off of an idea that would see me solving the problems that new rules and regulations are creating in the world of rugby. World Rugby, the governing body of rugby, is stipulating more and more rules that limit the amount of training that players can do a week. I have been working on a solution for the past few months but I am struggling with a few key areas.
My solution is based upon the use of Virtual Reality to simulate a pitch whereby the coach/manager can coach and train the player, either remotely or in person, in a simulated environment during a specific play e.g. during a scrum, lineout, kick off etc.
My first problem is estimating the market size for rugby is difficult. It’s near impossible to find good hard data about how rugby teams are spending their money around the world. The second problem I am facing is validating and verifying this problem at scale. I have interviewed a number of coaches and they have given me some good feedback, but I haven’t been able to widely verify that this problem is painful, and most importantly, worth paying for. Finally, another problem I am running into is that I believe my solution can improve game knowledge and awareness, skills execution and I believe it can reduce training injury risk, how can I convince managers and coaches that this performance boost is worth paying for?
Does anybody have any experience in the sports technology sector? How have you guys found it? I am struggling here in Europe in terms of market reach and discovery.
Any help/suggestions and comments would be welcomed! I am also interested in hearing what would ye do if you were in my situation?
Here are some companies working in this space already: INCISIV - https://www.incisiv.tech/ REZZIL - https://rezzil.com

Some people like their dating to be clean and romantic, others like it dirty. Click on which you prefer (or both)
Clean Version
I'm looking for a young woman who would like a relationship involving having children. I want someone who would like children soon because I'm not getting any younger, but its fine if you use birth control until you make your mind up. As far as I'm concerned, if I'm having sex with you, you have my permission to get pregnant or not as you choose. You can live with me or visit often before and after conception. I'd like a long term relationship and ideally would like at least two children
Dirty Version
I'm a much older man looking for a young woman/women who will let me fill her juicy fertile pussy as often as possible with my cum with the aim of knocking you up, so I can enjoy your belly growing and I can share your nice full milky tits. I want to knock you up as soon as possible, so please stop birth control and remove any implants if you have them. After you get pregnant I want you to live with me or at least visit often so I can enjoy and explore your growing body, and so I can breed you again after you've pushed the first child out.
I realise what I'm looking for may be hard to find, so I won't be surprised to be reposting this in 6 months, but its enjoyable talking to people whilst looking. 😀
Unlike many on here, I'm not just looking to talk about doing this (although that's fun) I'm looking to meet up with someone and actually do it. Ideally you will be in the UK or a short plane journey away. Willing to talk to people further away but will be upfront and say the closer you are the more likely this will happen.
You:

• any legal age under 25 ^{For some reason I am often asked 'is my age okay' and the answer is yes if you are under the age limit}
• want to have children early
• live in England or able to get there!
• any religion as long as you don't mind me being agnostic
• any ethnicity

Me:

• white, 5'11" blue eyes, brown hair
• professional, work remotely but I have to be in England to work.
• needs exercise - New Years Resolution to do cycling!
• enjoys musicals and theatre
• not rich but high income. I'd be paying all living costs
• married but have lived separately for 15 years or so
• 3 adult children

I live in a large village but it has a railway station just 5 mins away on a direct line to London.
I believe that in a relationship I should help you achieve your goal in life, whether it's a career or being a stay at home parent, but I'm there to be a partner, not baby you 24/7. Similarly, although I want someone younger, you're not my slave (except in fun roleplay!).
Sex
I believe in spontaneity so after agreeing to have sex the first time, you don't have to ask to start things next time, however "Stop" and "Not Right Now" are valid!
I'm not a great believer in sexual extremes, but have no objection to fun. I will mainly be turned on by the fact that someone beautiful is happy to be with me.
​
^{I apologise if this is a deal breaker, but due to the prevalence of people who are fake 👎 or just looking for fun {fine 👍}, I will have to keep this post live until I am in a committed physical relationship with someone!}

I want to get the landmarks for an image, and this is my code until now:

import { Holistic } from "@mediapipe/holistic" let holistic = new Holistic({locateFile: (file) => { return `https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/npm/@mediapipe/[email protected]/${file}`; }}); holistic.onResults(results=>{ console.log(results); } ); export const BodyPoseTracking = () => { // some code let image = new Image(); image.src = 'public/ballerina.jpg' holistic.send({image}); // return stuff } 

And this is the error from the console:

Uncaught (in promise) RuntimeError: abort(Module.arguments has been replaced with plain arguments_ (the initial value can be provided on Module, but after startup the value is only looked for on a local variable of that name)) at Error 

I have also tried "https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/npm/@mediapipe/holistic/${file}". I don't know why it is not working and I didn't manage to find anything relevant about this error...any help is appreciated!

There is a brief mention of eating disorders in here, just as a head's up.
I am a 20 year old woman who currently hates her body. I am so overweight that I can't look at myself in the mirror. I want to change this, but there are a couple of issues.
First, I am a full-time college student, so I am on campus for a majority of the day. It also leaves me drop-dead exhausted by the time I get home.
Second, I have severe anxiety. I can't work out because it feels like people are staring at me, even in my apartment's more private gym. I get anxious just thinking about going to the gym.
Third, I have a binge eating disorder and hypothyroidism. You can imagine why this would prevent me from losing weight.
I tried turning to a chat service my college's counseling services provide for help, and that did absolutely nothing. So, I figured this would be the next best place to look for advice. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐩: Previously on 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐝; Wave and Basko were ambushed by a group of Orca mercenaries who were unknowingly working as Emperor Kraken's pawns. Then Wave's magic pendant gave him immense power to fight off the brutish pod but all the power put intense strain on Wave's body causing him to pass out, luckily his father Basko was there to catch him before he could sink to the murky depths of the ocean. Now Basko and the recuperating Merboy Wave head towards their plausible final destination.
​
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓: "Ngh, ugh my head. Wh-where are we?" Wave's eyes slowly opened as he regains his movement. "Right above Deadman's Trench. They say fish who go in there die." informed Basko. Wave took deep breaths as he gazed down into the dark abyss. "I don't see a bottom, there's no way we can navigate the trench as dark as it is." Then out of nowhere an unfamiliar voice shouted at them. "Howdy fellers!" Both Wave and Basko jumped as they looked down on a small little Anglerfish. "Who are you?" Basko asked. "Just a little ole' Anglerfish passing through." Wave then saw the bulb sticking out of his head and got an idea. "Hey old-timer mind lighting up our way down this here trench?" said Wave failing to mimic the Anglerfish's accent. "No can do young fish boy, that there is Deadman's trench and even I know of its perilous predicaments." Wave swam in front of him to block him from leaving. "Wait what if I told you there was gold down there?" The Anglerfish's eyes lit up. GOLD!? You didn't tell me there was gold to be found down there in those parts. What're you waiting for? Come on! "Wave how did you know that would work?" asked Basko confusingly. "I don't know I just had a feeling." The two of them dive down after the Anglerfish who is now lighting up the way for our subaquatic heroes. "Whoowee! My fins are tired." The Anglerfish looks around at the lack of gold. "Hey there ain't no gold down here! This was a wild goose chase!" Wave comes down to calm him. "True but I had to lie, you see me & my dad are on a quest to save the ocean." The Anglerfish bursts out laughing. "HaHAHeHEHaHAHeHEHeHOo! Good one young feller! A shark and an ugly half-fish creature is going to save the world, yeah right." *click* *click* *click* *click* *click\* "Uh guys what's that sound?" The three of them turn around to see giant glowing eyes and a humongous beak. Basko yells "Swim!" They all swim as fast as they can away from the huge creature. "Watch out for the thermal vents! If you get hit you're fried!" warned Basko. Dodging the blasts from the vents the huge creature continues his pursuit of the trio. "I know we fella's should split up to draw attention from the big behemoth!" quickly advised the Anglerfish. "Good idea, split up!" shouted Basko. The three all took separate tunnels but the creature followed Wave seemingly targeting him and him alone. *Huh, huh, huh, huh...* Wave gasps fearing the creature in pursuit of him. "Ah an opening!" Wave swam through the small hole in the tunnel ceiling attempted to get back near the surface. "Where's Wave?" Basko asked worriedly." The Anglerfish replied. "Last I checked he took the left tunnel." Wave zooms towards the others but gets caught by a giant tentacle. "Father help!!" Basko and the Angler fish look down. "Son! I'm coming!" The tentacle pulls Wave back down into the depths of Deadman's Trench. "Daaaad!" They watch as Wave disappears into the darkness as his voice slowly goes silent. "I have to go back and save him." Basko told the Anglerfish. "Even if I can't see I'll sniff him out." The Anglerfish looked at Basko comfortingly and smiled. "You won't need to when you got a light."
​
Wave is no more.... or is he? What humongous beast attacked our heroes and why did it only target Wave? I guess we'll have to find out next ti- *breathing heavily* "Where am I? What is this place? Who are you?" The huge tentacled beast turns around. "Enough of the questions, Wave. Yes I know your name as well as lot of other things but before I tell you further you need to make a choice." Wave looks at him angrily. "Either die here and let the entire Ocean suffer or join me and help make the ocean better. Your choice."
This epic story comes to a close tomorrow in the 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐝: 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐞.
It's all or nothing for the young teenage merboy, he'll have to make an impossible decision and and the ultimate sacrifice. DON'T miss it or your ship might sink.

Oh my you guys, I'm in the back of the struggle bus on a bumpy f'n road. Here's my story and symptoms. It's long like most of yours, so if you want, just skip down to the symptom bullets.
Can anyone relate to any of this? Do these symptoms sound like die off/herx or reactions to the quad antibiotic therapy that's building up in my system? Was there anything you did or are doing that helped you get through the therapy? I'm on day 3 and am feeling like absolute rubbish. My prescribing doctor warned me of nothing. WTAF?
September 2022: I was working with a naturopath and because of my symptoms (digestive issues, fatigue, anxiety, infertility), she ran all kinds of tests. One was the GI Map stool test by Diagnostic Solutions. I tested positive for H Pylori, at a level of 4.92e3. Is this super high?!
Another test also showed food sensitivities to dairy, eggs and gluten, which I immediately eliminated from my diet.
Perhaps naively, I opted to try to treat the H Pylori naturally and at the guidance of my naturopath took a month's round of Biocidin® Capsules - Potent Broad Spectrum by Biocidin Botanicals. I experienced some die off/herx symptoms initially, but nothing like what's happening now on the quad antibiotic therapy.
After the Biocidin, I was supposed to start taking MegaSporeBiotic by Microbiome Labs. But the timing didn't work because I was moving across country. Things were much too crazy to try to manage any symptoms.
DecembeJanuary 2023: During the move, I developed what I later learned was the skin rash Pityriasis Rosea. The theory was that it was triggered by a viral infection of some kind which my body may have fought off without me even realizing it. Or maybe it was the H Pylori? Due to the rash, my naturopath recommended I wait to start the MegaSporeBiotic until after it was gone and my system had calmed down.
March 2023: Fast forward to last week. I started noticing a new sharp piercing pain when swallowing liquids. The pain was always on my left side underneath my rib cage (below chest, above belly button). I initially just thought it was what I was drinking (kombucha, sparkling water), but when I started experiencing it with anything I drank even plain water, I took notice. A couple days later, I started having pretty bad abdominal pain, particularly when eating dinner. I told my husband, something doesn't seem right.
I waited to see if things would improve, but they did not. By Friday, my stomach felt sore, like how it feels after food poisoning. I went to urgent care/the ER. They ran blood tests, urine tests, covid and flu tests - everything was fine. I mentioned that I had tested positive for H Pylori in fall, but never took antibiotics for it. I felt like a total dumbass. They diagnosed me with likely an ulcer and put me on the quad antibiotic therapy. They referred me to a GI doctor, but I need to wait for them to call me to schedule a visit, which may take a week. That night, the abdominal cramps were so bad I was crying at dinner. I was given zero instructions on how to take the medication, just 4x a day or 2x a day. Were you given a quad therapy med schedule? I've read that some of these meds should be spaced out from each other?
On Saturday I started the 14 day therapy of Bismuth Subsalicylate, Clarithromycin, MetroNidazole, and Pantoprazole. By Day 2 of treatment, I started having "symptoms", which have been increasing. Last night was pure hell. This morning, my husband found me crying, because I literally feel like I'm being poisoned. We called the GI doctor I was referred to, but they said to call the ER prescribing doctor. Thanks f***ers. From what I'm reading on here of your stories, this may just be par for the treatment course. Are these die off/herx symptoms or normal affects of the medications I need to ride out? For those that had these, how long did you have them while on treatment before you felt improvement (ie like you weren't dying)?

• Headache
• Brain fog
• Weak, unsteady
• Disgusting diarrhea
• Nausea
• Chest pain, pressure
• Racing heart and mind (like I'm on speed - this is the most worrisome for me)
• Insomnia (I fell asleep multiple times last night, but just kept waking up after I fell asleep) Has anyone had a doctor say you could take melatonin, Calm, Tylenol PM, anything OTC to help with the insomnia during quad treatment? Sleep is super important for managing my anxiety, I need to find something.
• Emotional (crying, anxious, feeling like my body cannot handle 14 days of this)
• Heavy limbs (like I'm wearing weights)
• Gas/Burping after eating/drinking
• Terrible taste in mouth, mostly at night
• Abdominal cramping (that woke me up in the middle of the night. I was actually dreaming I was having period bleeding/cramps, but I wasn't).
• Fatigue
• Hunger, after just eating fairly recently
• Alternating between feeling okay, and feeling absolutely awful without being able to predict how I will feel 5 min later.

​
FML you guys. This is brutal, and it's feeling so difficult to function. Can anyone relate or offer suggestions? How the f did you/are you getting through the days/your work/home responsibilities?
​
For those of you struggling, I have done a few things that have maybe helped that you could try.

• Reading (Currently reading The Universe Has Your Back.) https://gabbybernstein.com/universe
• Meditation
• Calm app sleep stories
• Kefir (non-dairy)
• Probiotic
• Aloe Vera Juice (2 oz in AM and PM)
• Chamomile Ginger or Licorice tea with honey
• Cabbage, chicken bone broth soup
• Thinking about what I'm looking forward to after this is over.

(Please read the disclaimers and part 2 before you continue reading this post )
Welcome back to the second part of introspection, we previously explored why being contemplative is an integral part of improving as an individual, and now we'll explore how we should go about it.
As mentioned in the previous post, I define introspection as the ability to perceive, label, and process your internal experience. We'll be looking at each part of the process in depth.
Let's start with perception: how do you go about it?
Fortunately, for most of us, it can be easily done by removing distractions from our minds and simply shifting attention inwards.
You can do that by creating a space in which you allow the brain to sit in a "vacuum," so to speak, where it can't get distracted.
You can try this now by sitting down in a comfortable environment with nothing but a pen and a piece of paper, you can also listen to some white noise, or just relax in your cozy bed.
You have the flexibility to do it however you want as long as you fulfill the following: No easily accessible distractions and an uninterrupted time for you to sit within that physical space (start with 10-20 minutes if you haven't done this before).
Once you do that, your mind and body will populate your experience with all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. It can be quite amazing (and scary) to see how fast this happens.
Now we get to the interesting part, instead of reaching out for your usual distraction, you just need to do nothing, yes, nothing. Just stay with that experience.
An important disclaimer before we continue: Your experiences will vary wildly from each other, including the severity.
If you feel like you truly can't sit with whatever comes up and are filled with immense fear, anger, or sadness (if you rate it as 7/10 or above in terms of discomfort ) then I would highly recommend walking that path with a therapist.
Consult someone who will hold your hand and provide you with the care you need until you can tolerate that experience on your own.
On the other hand, if you feel like the experience isn't that bad, then you may keep experimenting.
You won't be able to "see" at first since your mind is going to process what is happening. Some of the reactions might be quite negative and a little bit overwhelming to you.
It is also normal if you feel that your experience is somewhat foggy or hard to discern what's happening there. This is going to be like learning how to walk. At first, things are going to be messy, but the success is in staying in the mess until your body is familiar with the environment and can tolerate it.
Do this for 10-20 minutes a day, three times a week as a start, and increase the dose as you see fit. The important step here is to just do nothing and to let your mind be as messy as it wants to be, sit there, and pay attention to it.
Then, once you feel like the experience is manageable, try to understand what is happening to you. You do so by directing your attention to the sensations you feel and trying to make sense of them.
Let me illustrate: Try to put your finger on the palm of your hand and move it slowly. Can you perceive that? If yes, then how did you do that?
Well, the answer is that you just do. You always perceive, all the time.
Where that perception goes is the difference, that is attention!
If you were playing a game or deeply involved in any activity and something brushed against your legs or back. Chances are you won't notice it. The reason being is that all of your attention is directed toward something else, so your mind doesn't have similar bandwidth for other inputs.
So what you're doing is shifting attention from one point to another, and that is what you need to practice, shifting your attention from point A to point B.
This is why it is important to create a space with no distractions where you direct your attention to the immediate feedback you receive from your body.
That is, dear stranger, how you perceive your internal experience!
(I realize that this does seem quite obvious to some of you)
Okay, so if I want to "see" then I need to get rid of distractions and shift my attention to my body, right?
Yes, that is exactly it. If you find yourself speed-running this, then you can move into the nuances of your feelings and thoughts.
Okay, then what about the other two?
Yes, let's do the second one, labeling. How do you go about that?
The obvious answer is to just label your experience, which doesn't seem challenging, right?
While I agree that it does seem easy, labeling your experience can be quite challenging once you clear the beginner level. Let us go through these levels together.
Beginner level:
Can you differentiate between physical sensations, thoughts, and emotions:
Can you label each one: "okay this is a thought", "Oh I see, this is an emotion" or "Oh this is an emotion with physical sensations" etc.
If you can do that, then congratulations, you can move on to the next level!
Intermediate level:
Can you name the emotion you're feeling: Is it anger, fear, happiness, shame, pride, or disgust: "I just finished this task, it took me so much time and effort, but I was able to do it, you know! I feel good about myself"
Can you put your thoughts into words: "I think I disagree with what you said, I think that having A and B alone is nonsense".
Can you describe the physical sensation in detail: " I feel a tightness around my chest and a weird feeling in my throat"
I would recommend using the famous feelings wheel as a helpful guide. Many of my clients have found this to be quite useful. The way you use it is fairly straightforward: go through the basic emotions(angry, fearful, bad, surprised, happy, sad, disgusted) and see which one will "click" with you or feels the closest to what you're experiencing.
Then move to the next stage (e.g: looking at the angry section, are you feeling humiliated, bitter, or mad?).
Then move on to the next stage (e.g: Feeling jealous).
Great! Now, you have a more nuanced view of your experience.
If you cleared this level, then congratulations. You can now move to the advanced level.
Advanced level:
Can you expand on the nuances of the internal experience:
Emotion: "I feel a sense of pride that I was able to finish this task. I am relieved that I was able to achieve this. At the same time, I feel sad that this journey has come to an end. This was quite the journey!"
Physical sensation: "I feel this tightness in my chest and there is this weird sensation at the back of my throat, it almost feels like my throat is dry. I also notice a strain on my eyes, I think I'm about to cry"
Thought: " I think that the issue you didn't mention here is that X, Y, and Z are fundamental parts of the process and while I agree that A and B are important as well, I don't see how we can dissociate the two processes from each other as it will result in issue C, D, and E"
Do you see, dear stranger, how we managed to go from simple labels to descriptions and expansions and how that allows us to have a greater understanding of what's going on?
The important thing to mention here is that you're not going to be at the same level across all the dimensions of your experience. Chances are you're going to be fairly good at one of the three (relatively speaking). You may find it fairly easy to describe physical pain in great detail, or you can write an entire paragraph on why you think this post is a waste of your time, or you can talk for a whole hour about how sad you are over the loss of someone you care about.
It's even a little more nuanced than that. For example, you may be very fluent at speaking "sad", but you may find it challenging to speak "angry", "loved", or "scared".
The unpredictable nature of human life will predispose you to be good at some things and not at others, which is normal. Therefore, if you find it easy to speak one dialect, that doesn't mean there is no area of improvement there. This also means that if you can't speak another dialect, then that also doesn't mean that things are hopeless. Being able to put your experience into words and expand on its nuances is a lifelong skill. You will get better at it the more you try to do it. Use the feelings wheel, talk to friends, or work with someone. The important thing to me is that you keep trying to express what you feel.
This finally brings us to the third point: processing!
Luckily, for processing, you only have to do half the work. Your mind will do the rest (given the right space to do so).
So what is emotional processing?
It is how your brain manages to understand your experience of the world and integrates that model as part of you. This usually will allow you to manage highly emotional states and go back to your baseline.
Let's look at a classic example: Break-ups.
Let's say that you have been with a person for some time and now you have both come to the decision to end things.
Well, at first, this change is going to feel drastic, but as time goes on and as you grieve properly, you will notice that your brain has naturally "adapted" to this change. That adaption is your brain processing the experience you went through. You might even have discovered that you have gained some insight into how to navigate romantic relationships in the future.
So what you're saying is processing is like moving on? Yes, to a certain extent, it is the ability to walk through the experiences you have, make sense of them and adapt to them by either shifting to a different model or by grieving some part of the old model.
I'm lumping the self, relationships, belongings, and ideas into one group called "model").
The good news is that if you allow your brain the space and time to feel, and make sense of things, then most of the processing will be done for you.
Unfortunately, our technology-driven lifestyle robs us of this ability. Being a little more intentional about this can be quite helpful.
The good news here is that paying attention and labeling your experience is technically part of processing your emotions, so you're halfway there!
Here is a breakdown for the rest:
First, create the space as we discussed. This is the seeing that we talked about, take some time out of your day to just have some alone time.
Second, pay attention to your external experience, and be present. The aim here is to try to understand and not change.
Third, Inquire:
Let's take X for example. On Tuesday morning, while going to work. A coworker of X said: "Hi, X!" and X felt this sudden urge to be aggressive towards coworker A.
Let's see how we can be introspective and process our experience by modeling X's behavior:
X: "Okay, so what was that all about, I was walking to work, as usual, coworker A said hi and I wanted to punch him in the face"
Okay, this is great, X took the first step, and the door is open, X took some time to think about this and shifted his attention inward. What's next? That's right, time to label.
X: "Well, thinking back on it, I felt angry all of a sudden. Wait, was I angry at him?"
Again, try to inquire and ask questions, the aim here is to empty that emotional energy that is stored within you. We're going to keep expanding on how X feels until he has nothing to say about that specific situation anymore.
X:" I don't think I'm angry at him necessarily. It's just that he is so annoying"
X: "Wait, why do I find him annoying?"
X: "Umm, It just feels so fake, like the way he greets us doesn't feel genuine and that makes me angry"
Okay, X is doing great here. He managed to stay curious, dig deeper and expand on how he felt. The next question would be, what about his greeting that makes him feel not genuine?
X: "Thinking back on it, he is always smiling and happy, but I know for a fact that this is not possible. Like how can he be happy all the time?"
Interestingly, it seems that X is more bothered by coworker's A attitude and how his smiling is bothersome to him because it is impossible to be that happy.
X: "I don't know, I just feel like, are you so happy that you want to rub it in my face every morning?"
We started with anger, and now it seems that the experience is shifting to another emotion.
X: "Wait a second, I'm envious of the guy, haha, oh my god! I'm envious of the guy, but why?"
Again, X is curious, asking questions, and making sense of things.
X: "I think I hate that I don't have what he has. It's like even though we're on the same boat I don't get to feel what he's feeling"
X: "Wait, I'm dissatisfied with my life, and I'm envious of him?! I also feel bad about not being able to achieve the same things at work. Wait, I can't really tell what this feeling is, let me get that feelings wheel that the guy talked about"
Great job at noticing when labeling gets difficult
X:" Oh, here it is, now let's see, there it is, shame! I'm feeling shame! wow, that is quite the surprise, I am ashamed of myself?!"
X:" Wait a second, so you're telling me that the reason I'm annoyed with him is that he's doing better at me in life even though we have the same job, and I feel ashamed about that. I'm also envious because I don't have what he has and every time he greets me with a smile it feels like he is rubbing it in my face!
What! I have never looked at it this way, wow, just wow! I mean this is alarming, I gotta apologize to the guy"
And that is an exaggerated and accelerated example of processing. What you see here is that X was living in ambiguity. By digging into that ambiguity and by labeling his experience and making sense of it, he was able to shift his perspective and "move on" from the previous model to a new one.
There might be some additional steps that he needs to go through before moving on completely and overcoming the feelings of shame and inadequacy, at the same time, he was able to start his journey by simply keeping a curious mind, asking questions, trying to understand, and making sense of things.
Once your mind clicks, when you have these "oh I see" moments in your reasoning, then that means your brain has acquired a new piece of data to integrate.
The other important thing to mention here is that sleep is also vital for processing.
If you feel like you haven't made much progress doing introspection for that day. I would highly recommend waiting until the next couple of days to check in with yourself. Some of the steps for "moving on" require some processes that are only available through sleep. So wait a day or two, then see how you feel about the issue.
The other important variable is time. Processing takes time and is not a linear process. You will find yourself going back to some points over and over and over until they click. Once they do, however, you will notice that those same issues won't feel as bothersome to you as they used to.
That is it; that is how you go about introspection, now go out there and open the door to the mysteries of your own mind! :)
Alright, dear stranger, this brings us to the end of today's post. I hope that I was able to shed some light on the importance of introspection as an integral part of change.
I'll see you all in next week's post: The why.

First I want to make clear, I do not care if you smoke week. Live and let live I don't give a shit. I have heard that as long as you do so in your home, even the cops do not care. I am also fine with that. Shit if you want to smoke up while you are walking around outside fine have at it.
But for the fucking love of god, stop smoking up in your cars you fucking idiots. If I can smell it, in the winter time, from 150 feet behind your car as I am driving down Parallel, the cops can also smell it. If I can see the clouds of that shit wafting out of your car as you all get out of it to go to the Price Chopper or the Walmart, they can see it as well.
I don't say any of these things because I care about you. I do not care about you. I care about the innocent people you are going to hit as you drive inebriated on scherm sticks.
We all know where you are headed, nowhere. Please stop putting the rest of us at risk.
I also know that the people that do that are probably not on the literate side of intelligence, and that this message will never reach them as so many other messages have failed to reach them. But at least I got to vent.
P.S. if you motherfuckers could behave with that shit maybe we could get it totally legal in Kansas. Yes I know that will take away some of your street cred, but perhaps you could gain back some of that street cred with gainful employment and an attempt at building a future for yourselves. OR you can keep going nowhere and work your fast food job with a poor attitude and a gloomy face.
Don't get high and drive. I'm on the verge of ratting you out to the cops, and you know how they are around here. They will steal your supply and rape your women and our mayor will ask for the body camera footage so he can play it at the next stag party he attends.

When I first began questioning my religion 20ish years ago, I was very interested in finding out the historical truth of what Jesus really said. Catholic, Evangelical, JW, Anglican, etc people all believed vastly different things. Their had to be some way to know the truth without relying on what your parents taught. Many redditors seem to have/had the same questions. Hopefully providing this info will help someone else.
History of course is not a hard science. Ideally, a large number of disinterested sources which corroborate without collaberating leads to near certainty. Otherwise, we use the best evidence we have. The following is meant to be objective, the consensus of the experts in the field. If something is disputed by a sizable minority of experts, I've added a qualifier ("probably"). Please offer corrections, or subjective discussions, in the comments.
I. Historical Background. We're talking about the area around the Mediterranean Sea in the first few centuries CE. Moral people followed the rules of society and liberty was not yet a concept. Women were the inferior property of men, slaves were naturally to obey their masters, the poor and rich both had roles assigned at birth. Those who rebelled against social norms were often murdered. Vast majority were polytheist, small minority were Jews who only worshipped one god. Vast majority (>90-95%) were illiterate. Those who wanted a copy of a writing copied it by hand themselves (or via a trained slave) on their own time. Writing was done on papyrus scrolls without spaces,capitals, or punctuation. Those copying texts often changed the original either by accident or to suit their own purpose.
In 63 BCE the Romans took over the Jewish city of Judea. Many sects of Jews which each had their own ideas how to best follow the OT Law. Pharisees focused on literal, Sadducees were wealthy/powerful priests focused on temple, Essanes believed in keeping to themselves. Many also apocalyptic, including John the Baptist, believed God had let Devil rule world which is why sickness/death/wafamine were everywhere. But any day now God would annoint one or more human messiah's(Greek translation-Christ) to become a powerful priest/king and rule God's kingdom on Earth where everyone would come back to life and there'd be no more hardship.
II. Life of Jesus (The first 50 years of Christianity.) 30 CE Jesus is crucified- based only on the Bible itself. There are no physical evidence or first hand accounts of Jesus. There are misattributions or frauds but no first hand stories of his disciples either. There are though only a handful of accounts of anyone who lived/died at the time/place.
Likely Jesus=Yeshua was born as a poor Jew in the small town of Nazareth (northern Palestine.) A working class "tekton"(construction worker) he followed John the Baptist then later became a teacher to Jews in rural Galilee. Possibly taught that the apocalypse was immenent and that all should follow the heart of the Torah, to love God/neighbors. Associated with poosick. Traveled to Jerusalem for passover, created a disturbance in the Temple. One of his followers handed him over to Saducees who handed him to Roman governor Pilate for conspiracy against Rome (calling himself the Jewish King.) Pilate ordered him crucified like any other political troublemaker.
Disciples were perhaps briefly distraught by reality that their king was killed as a criminal. But soon began spreading stories orally in Aramaic that Jesus was annointed after death and resurrected after crucifixion.
50 CE- Paul dictates his genuine letters to scribes in Greek: Gal, Romans, 1 Cor, 2 Cor, Philemon, Philippians, and 1 Thess. (Except 1 Cor 14:34-37 later forgery)
Tells how he was a Jewish Pharisee who persecuted Christians (maybe because the idea that the mighty Jewish king was actually a poor crucified criminal was blasphemous.) Had a revelation, met PeteCephas and Jesus' brother James. Is now certain the rapture is coming during his lifetime. Disagrees with disciples who think salvation just for Jews- Gentiles, women, poor, slaves, all who behave themselves to be saved.
66-70 CE- Judean Jews rebel against Rome, lose, Temple is destroyed.
III. First Gospels written (70-90 CE)
Most likely Mark written first, original ends at 16:8. (Somewhat subjective- portrays Jesus as an angry, fallible human preaching an apocalypse to come in the next few years.)
Then a lost sayings Gospel known as "Quelle/Q". Matthew, Luke and Thomas written later based on Q.
All of the above written in Greek. First surviving copies from 250CE or later, Papyrus 45 esp. P52 and 90 have few sentences of Jesus' trial with Pilate now found in John 18 dated to 150 CE. P104 has a parable from Q dated to 150CE.
IV. Historical Sources that Christians exist in 1st Century
93CE Josephus wites history of Jews starting with Adam/Eve. Writes that in 66CE James, the brother of Jesus, who was called Christ, was stoned.Antiquity of the Jews book 20 ch 9 Earlier book 18 passage either partly or completely forged.
100 CE- Papius of Hierapolis mentions Mark, sayings gospel, and Luke/Acts. Survives only as quoted by later Church fathers.
c. 100 CE Two early Church teachings the Didache and 1 Clement
112 CE Pliny the Younger discusses Christians with emporer Trajan in Letter 10
115 CE Historian Tacitus writes in the Annals about Christians, who worship a Christ, put to death under Pontius Pilate during Tiberius' reign.
V. Christianity Split Into Large Branches (2nd & 3rd Century)
Many sects splintered off which each had their believers, rituals, and wrote their own texts. To oversimplify- A) Ebionites believed Jesus was a man adopted as God's son at either his baptism or death. Only observant Jews can be Christian. Followed Matthew's Gospel which portrays Jesus exactly like OT prophets. (Virgin birth possibly created as Greek speaking author misunderstood Isaiah's prophecy.)
B) Marcionites/Docetics believed Jesus was really the true God, and OT God was false. Used Luke which portrays Jesus as completely divine. Also Gospel of Peter.
C) Gnostics believed salvation found in hidden knowledge of Jesus' teachings. Most likely believed world created by a lesser demon of OT and true God is hidden. Many are seperationists-believe Jesus was a fusion of man and God- and follow Mark (Spirit enters Jesus at baptism and leaves him on cross.) Likely also used Thomas. Later wrote Phillip, Mary, James, Gospel of Truth, Apocryphon of John, etc)
d) Pre-Catholic Orthodox. This is the group that won so we have the most evidence of. Believed in martyrdom since death of Jesus important. Starting with Iraneus in 180 CE write mountains against heretics. Ironically, some beliefs of each early Church father (Iraneus,Tertullian, Hippolytus, Origen) later decided to be heretical. The slurs used against "heretics" were most likely false, as they contradict the discovered Gnostic texts.
In Against Heresies iii Iraneus writes that John's Gospel was specifically written (after 100CE) to counter the claim that Jesus was a different God from that who created the world. Notice how John's is the only Gospel to firmly claim Jesus to be God (and the only God at that.)
IV. Catholicism Established 4th c Emporer Constantine legalized Christianity in 320CE. As the orthodox group held the most power they were able to establish their beliefs via the Nicene Creed in 325CE, other branches became heretical and illegal. 350 CE- Codex Sinaiticus our oldest nearly complete NT dated, close to modern version. 381- Council of Constantinople irons out concept of trinity.
Further reading This is mostly based off my notes of the NT scholar Bart Ehrman's books, especially misquoting Jesus, although I did try to be objective.
Read the current Bible here NRSV most accurate English.
The Gnostic writings can be found here
The 70ish papyri fragments we have can be viewed here for those who can read konic Greek.
TLDR
Nothing was written during Jesus' life or by his followers. Jesus wasn't considered a god at all until 100 CE. Much less the only god. The concept of the Trinity and that our bible is only accurate version is from the 4th century-over 300 years later.

Hey all,
TL;DR: Two kids 6 & 7 who are my cousin’s kids need a home. Their father is a deadbeat/uninvolved, mother is a drug addict and ditched the kids. Currently living with grandparents but grandpa just died so the likely hood of them staying there isn’t high. My wife(F25) and I(M24) have no children currently and would really love to provide them the home they deserve. The biggest concern is financially supporting two kids. We know if they are in foster care we can get financial support to make it more feasible to have them. How do we get them enrolled in Foster Care and into our home with the least amount of disruption to their lives? Does it even sound like Foster Care is an appropriate solution for this? Residence is AL.
Context:
Father is deadbeat/not involved. Mom is a drug addict and after getting a considerable amount of money from a boyfriend’s life insurance she left the kids with her Aunt and then dropped off the map. Aunt killed herself and the kids were then taken in by their grandparents. Grandpa died this week and now the likely hood of grandma being a good home for them is not realistic. Grandma is old and has very little patience for them. The entire family that has direct interaction with her while parenting the kids agree. My wife and I are both interested in taking on the kids but want to work things out logistically before that. We want to take them up for a week prior and see how they like it before taking them on full time. We are also concerned about the finances of it. According to some light research we could receive $400-$500 per child if we do keep them. That would pay for food and we make enough money to cover just about anything else. I am in the national guard so health insurance wouldn’t be a problem. We live right down from the school in a 3 bed 2 bath so getting to and from school would be a breeze. Is foster care the right solution and if so how do we proceed?

I (17 years) have dealt with some form of eating disorder since 7th grade, maybe earlier. It’s always been some weird amalgamation, losing a bunch of weight over the course of 1-3 weeks, gaining it all back, maybe repeat the cycle up to 2 more times, and then 1-6 months of eating pretty normally, and ending up within about 5-10 pounds of my weight, on either side.
Anyways, for the past year I’ve slowly been healing without realizing it, both mentally and physically. My weight is still not somewhere I’d like it to be but I’m still feeling more confident in my body, and I’ve decided to focus more on building healthy habits until college, when I can put more energy into actually losing the weight, because I will have more control over my surroundings, what I eat, and no more guilt from family barring seeing them in person, plus quick and easy access to a gym where I plan on working on my weight, as well as building my strength, as I participate in color guard so I believe it would be beneficial to me personally. Usually I’m not a major fan of the “wait until this to start improving” mindset, like new years resolutions and such, but I’ve begun to recognize the role my environment plays in my health and that any attempt to lose weight will just not be successful.
See, my issues started as a kid. On top of insane amounts of other trauma from my family and such, my father and his family brutally fat shamed me as a kid, and even up through some family therapy sessions over a year after putting my foot down and moving out. It was basically the cause of my eating issues overall. But my mother has a habit of triggering and amplifying those issues by a million, both by purchasing super sugary snacks and basically encouraging overeating, but then talking about health and fitness and encouraging me to lose weight, and pointing out my weight whenever she “notices it’s gone down” (which always happens to be after a gain in weight?)
Like I said, over the past year I’ve been healing. A lot of that has been due to my boyfriend over the last 8 months, even before we were dating I started to feel better about myself just talking to them. And after seeing them in person for the first time, as well as purchasing a binder so I can bind when my chest feels like a nuisance (sometimes I just wanna be flat 🤷) my confidence has been really up! It’s not exactly amazing but sometimes I look at my body in the mirror and smile without crying. It’s nice to feel good sometimes.
As I said, I’m also working on healthy habits, like brushing my teeth, showering more consistently, doing my homework, beginning to work on my obsession with sugar overload my replacing sweets, energy drinks, and artificial things with fruit, tea, and higher quality versions of the things I like for when I do crave them, so at least I know I’m still treating my body with the respect it deserves. I’ve been drinking energy drinks since 5th grade, so after 7 years I finally decided to switch to tea to save my taste buds, and while I’ll still treat myself with good old fast food sometimes, I want to raise the quality of what I’m consuming in a realistic and comfortable way, and admitting that I am not going to start eating salads and broccoli, but maybe replacing my nerds clusters with some chunks of pineapple or pomegranate(which are just as, if not more, sweet and acidic in my opinion, and genuinely leave me even happier than eating the candy) or drinking some fruity green tea instead of monster ultra (a much harder adjustment considering the fact that I don’t really like tea, but I think I need to work on learning how to prepare it and what to add to make it suit my tastes while trying to get myself more used to subtlety in taste rather than sugar explosion).
I’m excited to move forward with these things, and while I’m struggling to consistently maintain these habits I know I’ll improve as long as I keep trying. I think I’m on the right path, and once I have the power to better control what I do and eat, I’ll have built the habits to make losing weight safely and comfortably significantly easier, and healed my relationship with food enough to be able to feel happy about what I’m doing without feeling that constant anxious, crazed feeling that used to come with my crashes.
Originally this was going to be a post about a current struggle I’m dealing with but I realized this was wayyy too much background for that.