Feeling overwhelmed by the mess in your home? Our latest blog post is here to help! We've rounded up some of the best tips and tricks to help you motivate yourself to clean, even when you're feeling unmotivated. From setting achievable goals to breaking down tasks into smaller steps, our blog post offers practical advice to help you overcome the procrastination and get your home looking its best. Don't let mess and clutter bring you down - head to our blog now to learn how to motivate yourself to clean like a pro!
https://honesthoneyreviews.blogspot.com/2023/05/the-best-ways-to-motivate-yourself-to.html

This is a fair bit of a vent, so if you don't want to read fair enough, probably won't be able to respond to comments till tomorrow but appreciate folk that do comment.
Advice on dealing with a controlling colleague?
I have been working in my company for just over a year now, it is a tiny company, with under 20 employees, it is a tight nit group of folk and our IT team consists of just 3 people;myself, the manager, (we will call him Ryan) and the colleague in question. We will call the colleague Michael
I would preface this with the fact I have no personal beef with Michael, it is strictly professional here. We get on quite well on a personal level.
I graduated with my bachelors degree in Cybersecurity last year with a decent grade, I want to specialise in cyber but do have a broader knowledge that can be applied for a company like this. and that has been what has happened, instead of doing a lot of cyber stuff, its more generic stuff, like setting up file servers, mail servers etc.
For context, when I joined one year ago, it was a 1 man show, the previous guy (who the colleague in question replaced) done thing his way, without telling people what he had done, and often days would be spent twidling my thumbs cause ive nothing to do, when asking my manager he would tell me to ask the previous colleague, who we will call Josh.
Josh resigned in pretty rough circumstances, walking out the door without serving his notice period. Michael was hired to replace him.
Josh essentially built an IT infrastructure on his own over 15 or so years, and left with 0 knowledge transfer, and for a period of about 3-4 months, it was pretty busy for me and Michael, having to consistently work together to figure out the things that Josh had built.
However, particularly in the last few months, Michael is starting to show these kind of tendancies, doing things his way, and doing almost everything., certainly all the major projects. I am still a graduate in my eyes and I need to be getting valuable experience which I am not getting. Sure he is my superior for all intents and purposes, but I can barely change a server password without his approval. He is making changes that go uninformed for weeks and it is driving me nuts. This is the tip of the iceberg and its not so easy to convey to people who are outside of the situation but basically it is a one man show, and there is no signs of that changing. This has given me a sense of imposter syndrome, as I have spent so long doing very little in my first year, that I feel like when I have another potential job offer I will just turn it down because of this entire situation.
I like the company, sure it has its faults like any company, but I have been quite lucky to work in a company where I am friends on a personal level with 2 of the employees who are literally in the next room, we can share lunch breaks etc. But this has sent me to the point of I want to leave and I won't even bother chatting to Ryan cause I have become set in the fact I want to leave, I don't know if I should raise this in some description with Ryan, but despite wanting to leave, I think it may be for the best as the next employee that takes my place is going to have to deal with the same things.
Thanks for listening to my ted talk
Peace
​
TL:DR - My colleague is quite controlling and work has become a bit of a one man show.

SERIES 2 BREAKS - 4 PYT's and a Random are set!
DONRUSS PREVIEW VIDEO - Should we do a full Donruss Break?
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HERITAGE VARIATION GUIDE

My ex cheated on me in October of 2021 after a very toxic relationship. I had my fair share of wrongdoings too. She admitted it to me to escape the relationship I think, knowing I’d break up with her. This was at the cusp of her starting law school. We were on and off for 2 years with a lot of lying and drama, but also bonding, love, and memories. In the beginning she lied about her past to get a relationship, although I wasn’t oblivious to her past due to how we met. It was during quarantine and I still gave her a chance since I was genuinely happy with her. All that said after she admitted to it I lingered around for a few months before going no contact. Something didn’t feel right the entire time since then. Like I had to keep convincing myself to hate her and bookmark her sins. It drained my soul.
Up until last weekend I would constantly search her name online, look up her Instagram, block and unblock her, just to see if I’d find out anything about her. Which I didn’t. I’d spot her on a few dating apps and it didn’t sting to see but it helped me know she had moved on and was getting back out there. All the while stuck on the good memories she’d brought me. Finally on a stupid drunken dare my mates decided to call our exes drunk and we did. Mine didn’t answer luckily until I called back on the way home solo. She answered and I was nervous. She admitted she was shaking saying she never thought she’d hear from me again. We made idle chit chat and I brought up an old memory from covid. She started tearing up. She stayed entirely in her bounds in terms of conversation. I did most of the talking. She asked if I missed her and I said yes. She admitted the same. Although asking why did I call? I didn’t have a good answer. Anyway 20 minutes of solemn silences and polite recollection passed and I let her go since she was on vacation on the other side of the world (probably summer break).
My heart felt weightless. Like I let go of something I was fighting so long to keep. Something that wasn’t there but I pretended there was. I think it was undue hate. Yes she cheated on me and did alot of things wrong but so did I. We shared alot of time and nice memories together so in my heart of hearts I couldn’t hate her. Even tho the status quo is to rebuke your ex if they cheat. I’m not keeping tabs anymore. I don’t have the desire to look her up or see what she’s up to. I’ve been hung up on her for so long pretending like she’d always keep reaching out to me. I can proudly say she’s moved on. Now I can too. It was bittersweet but what really set it in stone sweet her parting words. “Don’t be a stranger.” Something you say to someone you’re neutral towards. You don’t mind if they stay or go. In fact I’d argue you say it to someone you’ll never see or hear from again. I needed the reality check. I’m glad I got it and I’m glad I said my peace. I still had residual emotions from our past and I relinquished them on that call. I can happily move on now and wouldn’t mind if we never spoke again. Just wanted to share as healing isn’t linear and sometimes you have to go backwards to get to the finish line.

Hello,
Very sorry if this is breaking any rules, but I'm selling (not here this isn't a sale thread) some old cards for my grandpa and I'm looking for some advice on the best way to do that.
I collected hockey cards a bit when I was a kid, but I don't really know much about the hobby. However, I do come from a Magic: the Gathering background and other collectible card games, so I'm not completely in the dark. I was looking up prices for some of the stuff he had, and I ran into some issues getting proper valuations.
The most valuable pieces of the collection appear to be the complete sets of 53-54 and 54-55 Parkhurst in pretty good condition. I'm not sure how comparable MTG condition ratings are to hockey cards, but I would say that almost all of them are Good (G) to Excellent (EX), which seems pretty insane to me given they are 70 years old (MTG history begins in the 90s haha). Other valuable stuff includes some early 70s OPC.
I've found it difficult to determine values for these cards, due to the infrequency in which they are sold. For instance, the only 53-54 Gordie Howe I saw on eBay completed listings was a graded 1/10 for $200 USD, and I know these values ramp up dramatically with a higher rating given the extreme scarcity. I'm sure the Howe in here is at least a 7 or 8, its worst quality is that it looks slightly miscut. And then, of course, having the whole set probably bumps the value.
So, yeah, I'd like to get these graded and sold. In Magic the general consensus is that BGS is the best grading company, followed by PSA, and no one really wastes their time with CGC. Does this track with hockey, or are there better options?
Is it worth getting all the cards graded, or just the high ticket ones?
I'm also not super comfortable just sending these off to be graded in the mail; do the companies show up at conventions and stuff to grade cards on-site like they do for certain Magic events? I'm in the Vancouver, BC area, and I know these conventions happen around here semi-regularly.
Thanks in advance for your help. I should mention that I will not be entertaining private sales for these cards, given my lack of knowledge on the subject, so please don't bother messaging me about that. If I put them up for auction at some point, I will make sure to post links to it in the relevant subreddits/Discords/FB groups/etc.
Link to imgur album with some pictures.

hey guys. im 22F (also 35 weeks preggy), I make my own crochet crafts. I have my FIRST event this saturday! im super stoked because its the first time i will be selling in person. i do have my etsy shop, but i just recently started this business about 2 months ago so i dont have many sales (i think like 5?). its a fundraising event for an animal shelter. the lady who owns a dog bakery saw that i make doggy bandanas (crocheted) and sell them so she asked if i wanted to set up a booth at her event this weekend near me. i of course said yes!
but i want to do this right, and i want to stand out and be CREATIVE.
i dont have a business card, and i really want to make one froms staples so i can just pickup same day. but i want them to be memorable. not just another "scan my qr code for my etsy shop" type of deal bc those get thrown away so fast.
ive seen business cards that are packets of seeds with their business name on it. so not only does it have their business on the package but it has seeds for planting trees or something. i want to do something like that but more fitting ya know?
Im not sure what else to put on my booth besides my bandanas, should i include my other work? how does one display them?
how can i go above and beyond to make my business memorable without breaking the bank?
​
im going to be dotating 3% of every sale to the fundraiser. i dont want to be a sleezebag who just shows up for free and makes money and leaves at a charity event.

Hi, so basically me and my ex split up a bit over a month ago now. He (M17) split up with me F(17). I feel much better than I did a few days after the split, mainly because I have regained some of my rational thinking and have seen the situation for what it is. But I still miss him, and I just want some input on the circumstances.
First, there is no other girl. I know its stereotyped that at this age people mess around, but hes a very introverted guy with no interest in that, and gave reasons for the break-up. We are each others first everything, and he has been in love with me for the last 2 years. We were having some issues leading up to the break-up, I wanted to see him in person more and he was becoming really stressed in his personal life (almost no free time and under immense pressure from horrible family, work and school). I look back now and regret being so needy at points, but this was my first relationship and it is something I will learn from. He never really set many boundaries with me though; he spent 2000 pounds on me in 5 months (he isn't wealthy at all), took me out on loads of dates, got close to my family, was always mature and understanding, kept notes I gave him in his wallet, made me feel safer than anyone ever has.
I am forever grateful for him, he changed my life and showed me so much love. We were both very invested in the relationship and it only seemed as his personal life stresses piled up, everything fell apart. The main struggle now, despite knowing his legitimate reasons for leaving, is the loss of that promised commitment. No longer being that loving couple we once were, no longer getting to speak with him. I did take him for granted at points but we both had our issues to cause this.
I will now mention the weird elements to this. So despite splitting up with me, he has still got all of our profile pictures public and online. He has kept everything. He has promised me he is staying loyal to me during all of this, and that he will come back once everything in his life is sorted. He said the split had nothing to do with me, and that he just needed to be alone for a while.
He did this with the right intentions, he couldn't meet my needs and knew he needed to be alone to sort his life out. But it doesn't hurt any less, that what we had grown and built together just ended like that. We could perhaps build back something better, but when he risks our future together and only thinks of himself - I don't feel great about things.
I trust him but the commitment being broken is painful. I want it to be me and him against the world as it once was, I recognise our errors and how we could improve. I am working on myself. But he just seems fixated on him, it is the biggest change of character. One night he just shut his emotions off, and in his words "couldn't listen to" his feelings anymore due to his future being at stake. Scary.
I just wanted to love the guy. I wasn't perfect but he made me feel like the only woman in the world, I wanted him to be the only guy for me and always reminded him of that. Things get hard but I thought sticking together would've been better than this. I get why it happened, but the future is so uncertain now. I don't know how I feel, but I don't view him the same way. I could've been a better partner but I didn't get that chance to work through things with him, he just left. His words and actions don't align. He "isnt open" to a future with anyone else, and is certain of us, but left.

I'm printing (anycubic Photon) some flexible constructs with an expensive resin and the print is failing. So I was wondering if there's any slicer or a simulation software that allows pre evaluating the print to see if the construct will break with specific settings?

Feeling overwhelmed by the mess in your home? Our latest blog post is here to help! We've rounded up some of the best tips and tricks to help you motivate yourself to clean, even when you're feeling unmotivated. From setting achievable goals to breaking down tasks into smaller steps, our blog post offers practical advice to help you overcome the procrastination and get your home looking its best. Don't let mess and clutter bring you down - head to our blog now to learn how to motivate yourself to clean like a pro!
https://honesthoneyreviews.blogspot.com/2023/05/the-best-ways-to-motivate-yourself-to.html

Here I am going to lay down some of my nitpicks about Yansim that arise due to my visual impairments. Specifically, I have an astigmatism in my left eye that keeps it under 20/20 but otherwise fairly good, and amblyopia/lazy eye in my right that means its very bad. With my glasses I can function but I am very dependent upon a combination of my glasses and left eye. I also have some mild visual snow. This is pretty mild on the scale of visual impairments, as I hover right above the mark where if I was any blinder I wouldn't be allowed to drive in my state.
(Sorry for the long explanation, I just think how bad my vision is, is important context for the post)
Now onto my gripes. I don't know how much these problems bother people with 20/20 vision, as I don't know how seeing that well feels.

1. The Homogeny of the Character Designs: As far as I can tell, characters are only distinguished by hair and stockins if they're female, and just hair if they're male, with a few exceptions being the student council and delinquents. This makes finding myself a certain student difficult. In mission mode, I often find myself only picking targets with long, distinct hair such as as Midori Gurin or Osana, or club leaders where finding them at their club eventually is a given. I find distinguishing between student with short hair difficult when I'm meant to be stalking them from behind. Yandere Vision helps a little but it feels rather janky and immersion breaking. One thing I will applaud is the SC wearing white, I can distinguish them easily, as well as the science club member's labcoats. This is also why I usually play with one of the non default uniforms, so the white is more easily contrasted. I think more height differences and back accessories like backpacks would help me pick out students better. Or if your target could be highlighted even in normal vision.
   
2. School Atmosphere: When school atmosphere gets lower and the colors get desaturated, I struggle. It's made me realize how much I rely on color and value to distinguish things from one another (along with other points mentioned like the SC being easiest for me to spot). It's currently difficult to not lower the atmosphere if you want to engage with the gameplay systems we have. If there's some setting to get rid of the desaturation+shadows some soul please let me know, as I find myself straining to play on the slightest school atmosphere decrease, let alone the more drastic ones.
   
3. The Graphics Settings Resetting: When I play, I need to turn off bloom every single time. I need a very specific level of brightness when I do anything, too bright and I can't distinguish well, too dim and I also can't. I also usually turn off depth of field if my laptop is being nice and deciding to render things decently. The thing is, every time I load a new mission or reload a save, the settings reset. Needing to put my preferred settings back every time is really tedious! I hope there is eventually some sort of lock put in place so I don't need to keep doing this.
   

Thanks for reading my long winded rant. I'd love to hear your two cents if you got this far. If your vision is 20/20, I'd like to know how much these factors influence your enjoyment of the game. If your vision is the same or worse than mine, I'd like to hear if your experiences are similar.

Feeling overwhelmed by the mess in your home? Our latest blog post is here to help! We've rounded up some of the best tips and tricks to help you motivate yourself to clean, even when you're feeling unmotivated. From setting achievable goals to breaking down tasks into smaller steps, our blog post offers practical advice to help you overcome the procrastination and get your home looking its best. Don't let mess and clutter bring you down - head to our blog now to learn how to motivate yourself to clean like a pro!
https://honesthoneyreviews.blogspot.com/2023/05/the-best-ways-to-motivate-yourself-to.html

Hi all, im posting on a throwaway account because I’m relatively embarrassed about this and feel bad.
I had my MA on the night of May 28th, when I took my second set of pills and passed the pregnancy upon finding out that my pregnancy was non-viable. I was about 5 1/2, almost six weeks along. I read a lot of conflicting information about when it was okay to be having vaginal sex again, but I decided to give vaginal sex a break not only for a lower risk of infection, but for peace of mind. About 5 days after my MA, I agreed to have anal sex with my partner. That happens, he finishes inside, and then promptly heavily worries that it may somehow leak out of me and get around my vagina. However, I always wipe myself off quickly and am very conscious of that. He was anxious, and asked if I would take a plan b just in case, to which I agreed.
I took the plan b about 4 days ago, and now have a lot of fatigue, constipation, minimal bloating, etc. I guess I just wanted to ask if I probably threw my hormones out of wack again since I was already coming down from the pregnancy and if it’s normal to randomly feel those things again? Thank you for reading, I know it’s embarrassing but it not only was my first pregnancy, but first time with the plan b pill as well.

Useful sh*t for doing work
-
​

1. set small goals (eg.just 1 question out of 20) and slowly increase the amount of work.

​

1. if you haven't done your self-alloted work, block all sh*t websites. open them when you have done your self-alloted work.

​

1. just open all the needed tabs. you will go "hey, it's already set up, might as well do it."

​

1. gamify that sh*t

​

1. do not tell yourself "ima gonna do this sh*t cus i gotta"

Your brain thinks:
- You gotta?
- That means u ain't doin' it now
- so i ain't gonna change nuttin'
say "i always do this stuff"
your brain:
- u do dis
- u do dis
- no change ok git gud
**IMPORTANT**
focus on the ___action___, not the ___end result___
say "i study often" not "i am a nerd" which you are not... yet.
​

1. once u do dis stuff enuf, u good

then no need do dis
then i smort
​

1. if u get distracted by thoughts or websites

type/write them down and forget about them
​
more useful sh*t, for studying specifically this time
-
​
da 3 "c"s
​

1. collect

don't be a sponge
be a sponge with an expensive filter contraption
filter out what's not important
only absorb main points.
like u did with the vids u got dis info from
​

1. connect

mindmap sh*t
yep
that's all
[how to make a git gud mindmap](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7j_CoKD1Xs)
​

1. do mock tests to make sure that dat mindmap isn't dum

then, fix da dum bits
[some git gud learning technique](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbd5wfsLo9s)
​

1. do 1 to 3

it's a cycle
​

1. don't wake up early to study

if u do, your brain will still be full of stuff that you don't need from the previous day, you won't be able to learn.
​

1. If you wanna sleep late for studying,

dOoOOOOoOOooooooOOOoon't!
sleeping late means your brain can't put all the learned stuff in long-term memory so all your time goes to waaaaaaaaaaste!
​
6.u need all stages of sleep
so get ur 8 hours kid
(needs more research on the 8 hours thing. could be 9.)
​
how to sleep instantly
-
​
1.take warm showers right before you sleep
helps u sleep faster by making ur body cool u down quicker
so no doing stuff after shower
also, take warm showers at night and colder ones in the morning
this helps you sleep and wake up quicker
​
2.sleep and wake up at same time
then ur body will get used to it
​
3.get little to no light from 10pm onwards
so no tv or computer
just phone music
;)
​
******
​
​
​
English point 1
​
My impression of Mr Browne is that he is excepting of the students'
humor and questions, and is trying to keep the students’ attention by embracing it.
- line 22 states ""I thought we were here to learn English," Jack cracked, which made everyone laugh.
​
____
English point 2
​
He makes an effort to keep the class in a good mood during the lesson to make them more willing to learn.
______
******
Poem:
​
Sweet and sunny childhood
With its careless, thoughtless air
Like a tangled wildwood
Needs the training hand of care
​
See it springing all around us
Glad to know, and quick to learn
Asking questions that confound us
Teaching lessons in its turn
​
Give it play, and never fear it
Curiosity is no defect
Never ever break its spirit
Curb it only to direct
​
Would you dam the flowing river
Thinking it would cease to flow?
Onward should it run forever
Better teach it where to go
​
Childhood is a fountain welling
Trace its channel in the sand
And its currents, spreading, swelling
Will revive the withered land
​
When childhood finally walks away,
Make sure to have some momentos
For when they ask, then you can convey

Had one of those realizations today that you sometimes get as you reflect on things and work on your self discovery. Unfortunately, that realization was that I won’t be able to live this life. I’m getting over my wife ok I think. I realize we were oil and water in many ways, even when things were good. But what I can’t get past is how I will live my life now. Blame it on my probable asd or adhd or whatever other disorders I have, but I have near paralyzing anxiety when it comes to decision making or figuring things out. I realize I leaned very heavily on my wife for those things and that ultimately is what she couldn’t handle anymore. But now its all on me to figure life out and be an adult and make decisions. Its not that I don’t want to be able to do those things or even that I didn’t want to do them when married, its that I can’t. Seemingly every decision I have to make causes some sort of anxiety and big decisions usually trigger an anxiety attack.
I also suffer with low self esteem and social anxiety. I have a few childhood friends I occasionally get together with, but I am incapable of making new ones and don’t ever really see a day where I’m able to date again. Can’t see the self esteem ever getting back to that level. It’s hard to keep going each day when you know its a very lonely looking future.
All of this might be ok if I only had to worry about myself. But I have my girls half the time. I don’t know how to be the boss parent. I don’t know how to cook much or shop for clothes or other things they need. I’m tempted sometimes just to ask my ex to take majority custody, not because I don’t love them more than anything in the world, but because i dont know what the hell i’m doing and THAT triggers my anxiety too. I’d rather be depressed without them, knowing they are being fed and clothed and probably better off, than having anxiety most of the time I’m with them and not being able to take care of them.
I had hope for a while that this divorce might mean I could start over and possibly find happiness. But I realize now that it wasn’t all just my wife that was making me unhappy. I think it just boils down to being bad at life. I find it all exhausting and overwhelming. It feels like everything is about proving your worth and wanting more than you have and always striving to better yourself. I can’t do it. I don’t have that setting in my psyche.
And you know what else? I’m mad that I wasn’t enough and that love wasn’t enough in my marriage. People always say that marriage is work. But how fucked up is that? Marriage should be love. It shouldn’t be work. Work is work. Marriage was supposed to be the break from work. I’m sorry I couldn’t help with the “emotional load”. But why couldn’t she just put some of the load down? She always seemed to want more. Why? Be content with what you have and the load wouldn’t be so much. I’m mad that she (and seemingly the rest of society) doesn’t subscribe to that philosophy. If I do somehow make it through all this, the day my kids are grown, I’m moving to a small desert town, living the rest of my days off whatever savings I end up with, and not worrying about a single solitary thing (other than checking in with my girls) for the rest of my days. Like minded people are happy to join. I’m sure I could use the company.

Hello! I have received a few questions about EMDR and my personal experience with it. I decided to make a post detailing EMDR, how it can be directly applied to VCUGs (from my own experience with it), and the research supporting it. That way, survivors can decide if it is right for them and they will know what to expect. Without further ado....
What is EMDR and why does it work?
EMDR, also called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a type of therapy that was designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories. During EMDR therapy, the patient "attends to emotionally disturbing material in brief sequential doses while simultaneously focusing on an external stimulus" (EMDR Institute). EMDR was accidentally discovered in 1987 by Francine Shapiro, she realized that eye movements appeared to decrease negative emotions associated with her distressing memories. She began to test this on others and found that they had the same response to eye movements. Currently, psychologists aren't really sure why EMDR works the way it does. However, it is theorized that it helps the two brain halves communicate, allows patients to process memories in a less traumatic way (compared to talk therapy, the previous gold standard for trauma), and that bilateral stimulation bypasses the area of the brain that is stuck due to trauma. Even though they aren't sure WHY it works, they are quite sure that it is effective.
Is EMDR actually effective?
More than 30 controlled studies have been done to test EMDR, all of which had positive outcomes. In fact, one study showed that 84%-90% of single-trauma victims no longer had PTSD following only three 90 minute sessions. Another study found that 100% of single-trauma victims and 77% of multiple trauma victims no longer had PTSD after six 50 minute sessions. Previously, talk therapy was believed to be the most effective treatment of trauma. However, this typically took years to fully heal, while EMDR has proven to work in a limited number of sessions.
What does EMDR therapy look like?
When EMDR first began, it was believed that the only method was through rapid eye movements, usually completed by a therapist moving their fingers at a specific pace. Nowadays, there are many different ways to complete EMDR. You can use rapid eye movement, done in office by a licensed therapist or can be done online (with the guidance of a therapist). My EMDR therapist uses https://activeemdr.com/. This website has a blue ball that bounces back and forth on the screen. EMDR can also be done through physical touch (touching your right then left shoulder and repeating, can be done by self or therapist), sound (right, left, right, left at continuous intervals), and can even be done on a Nintendo Switch! If you have two joy-cons, you can program them to vibrate between the left and right to mimic bilateral stimulation. Personally, I have done sight (see blue ball above) and touch (touching my own shoulders to the sound from the blue ball..... I have terrible rhythm).
The eight phases of EMDR (with my personal experience involving VCUGs, no graphic descriptions of trauma)
Phase 1: History taking
This phase involves assessments of the client's readiness and development of a treatment plan. This phase identifies "targets" which will be used for processing. These can include distressing memories and current distressing situations.
For me, this involved asking questions about my childhood, my trauma (you don't have to go into detail, most therapists are okay with a general overview). My therapist asked about previous therapies, PTSD symptoms, my mental and emotional state, and other general questions about my life and well-being. I found this part to be relatively easy (with the hardest part being learning to trust my therapist enough to share my trauma).
Phase 2: Coping skills and Preparation
This phase involves a full explanation of EMDR and what to expect from sessions. Most therapists also teach coping skills here to use before, during, and after sessions. This is the best time to ask questions about the process and address any concerns you may have.
For me, this phase took several weeks as I have multiple traumas and my therapist wanted to ensure that I had the appropriate coping skills to process. Some of these coping skills included "the box" (where I create a box in my mind and imagine putting my traumatic memories in, for example if I am processing a memory about my VCUG and I start to have thoughts/images of trauma involving my parents, I "imagine" putting those memories in the box and locking them away so I can focus on the memory at hand. We also use this at the end of every session, putting all memories from the session in the box to keep them from bleeding into my personal life), "spiral technique" (in this, I imagine my energy flowing as a spiral in my body. It can be counterclockwise or clockwise, then I imagine it flowing the opposite way), "safe space" (which I imagined my safe space to go if I become overwhelmed by the memories. This can also include a safe space for my "child selves", all of which are the ages of my trauma with a specific safe space for each. I was quite young when I had my VCUG done, so I imagine a safe space that an 18 month old would enjoy), "body relaxation" (where I tense and then relax each individual area of my body, starting at my head and going to my feet), and "the room" (this was a room I imagined that I could be with my "support selves", versions of myself that are supportive. The room can be anyway you imagine, and the supportive selves can be any version of yourself. For example, one of mine is "Nacho", a reference to my cat in which my supportive self is the version of myself that is protective and loving towards my cat.)
Phase 3: Assessment (part 2)
Yes, another assessment stage. This stage lays out the foundation for the EMDR work. You and your therapist will work to identify your "target list", a list of traumatic memories that will be reprocessed. This may be more in-depth than the previous history taking/assessment phase. However, you do not have to go into detail and share every aspect of your trauma if you do not want to. Instead, you just work to identify those areas.
For me, this phase involved digging deep into my most traumatic memories and prioritizing which will be processed first. I decided to start with lesser memories, with my most traumatic (aka my VCUGs) to be last as I figured they would be the most difficult).
Phase 4: Desensitization
Finally, EMDR begins. This involves three separate thoughts. First, the eye movements (or other bilateral stimulation). Second, the memory itself. Usually, this is an image or specific moments from the trauma. Third, a negative belief about self. This is usually a phrase that the traumatic memory made you believe about yourself (think "I am not good enough", "I am not safe", "I don't deserve love"). This phase involves short (usually less than a minute) bursts of these three things. Watching the ball (or listening, tapping, etc.), repeating the negative belief, and imagining the traumatic memory. As humans, we cannot multitask well, making this phase less of doing all three at the same time and more of bouncing between the three. This phase also involves noticing bodily sensations and emotions that arise during processing.
For the remainder of this post, I will not refer to my processing of the actual VCUG memory (to be sensitive to triggers and so that survivors can read this post without graphic descriptions). Instead, I will refer to the first part of the memory (aka "the lobby", the memory I have right before my VCUGs). In this phase, I would follow the blue ball back and forth (it is quite fast and at times hard to keep up, however it is not important to follow the ball perfectly. Just try to follow the best you can, missing a couple of bounces won't cause EMDR to fail), imagine the worst part of the memory (being in the lobby, surrounded by only adults with no kids present, feeling all alone and isolated), and my negative belief ("I am not safe here", "I am not in control", "I cannot trust anyone"). Negative beliefs are set by you, and can be changed at any time. Your therapist will ask at the beginning to rate how traumatic the memory feels on a scale of 1-10. After a few attempts of doing these three things, they will ask to reassess. This will repeat until the number is at 0 (something that I thought I would never reach with my VCUG, I started at an 8). The therapist may also ask how you are feeling, if there are any bodily sensations, if you are becoming overwhelmed or dissociated, and adjust the treatment as needed. If there are strong bodily sensations, then you may focus on that while processing rather than the memory. For my VCUG memory, this manifested in pain where my kidneys are and nausea (a memory from the antibiotics I took). This phase ends when the memory is at 0.
Phase 5: Installation
This phase is similar to Phase 4, it still involves bilateral stimulation. However, now it involves the opposite positive belief and a scale of 1-7. These bursts are also much shorter. This phase continues until you reach a "7", where you believe the positive belief is completely true.
For me, this phase was very similar to phase 4. It involves three things again, the bilateral stimulation (blue ball), the memory, and the positive belief ("I am strong", "I deserve good things", "I am safe now", "I am in control"). Once again, this is less of all three and more bouncing between the three (ball, memory, belief). This continues until you believe it is true.
Phase 6: Body scan
The patient holds in mind the traumatic event and the positive belief while scanning the body for any tightness, tension, or other unusual bodily sensations. If there are no sensations, this phase ends. If there is a lingering sensation, then you can use bilateral stimulation while focusing on the sensation until it is gone, and then repeating until there are no unusual sensations.
For me, this phase is very short. I haven't had any unusual sensations after EMDR and I can usually just move on to Phase 7. On occasion, I will process any tension in my body.
Phase 7: Closure
The therapist will help you return to a state of calm and the present moment (this can be done AFTER the memory is fully reprocessed or at the end of the session if the memory is not completed). This may involve coping skills (see Phase 2), and assessing the original memory and your positive beliefs.
For me, this involves deep breathing, relaxing, and trying to come back to my present surroundings. It also involves putting the original memory in the "Box". My therapist also tells me the plan for next week at this time, usually the memory we will be working on so I can process over the next week.
Phase 8: Reevaluation
This occurs at the beginning of the following session. The therapist will discuss the previous traumatic memory and assess if it still feels like a 0 and if the positive belief is still a 7. It also deals with any memories that have arisen over the previous week related to the memory. If the memory is a 0 and the belief is still a 7, the memory is processed. It will only be revisited if something comes up or if it begins to bother you again.
This phase is short, for me at least. I have never had a memory increase from a 0, so usually this is just a short chat on how I am feeling.
What does EMDR feel like?
EMDR feels different for every person. For me, it feels like the memory (once traumatic and hard to think about) is more distant. Like there is a wall between me and the memory, thinking about it does not elicit an emotional reaction anymore. I still remember it, I didn't forget it through EMDR, it just feels less important and further away. I also feel lighter, especially after finishing my processing of the VCUG. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I searched online to see how others describe EMDR as feeling,
"The problem that brought you to therapy often feels less significant, and old triggers won't have their usual effect. You may find that you are no longer scared or anxious about things that once bothered you."
"Instead of re-living the memory every time I thought about it, it became harmless like a photo on a wall."
"It is weird"
"I am only here now because of EMDR. I faced everything that I'd buried, as well as what was at the forefront and everything is so much calmer and quieter now. It gave me back my life"
Are there risks to EMDR?
There are risks to everything, including EMDR. Currently, there are no reports of dangerous side effects. The side effects that may occur include feeling uncomfortable, new memories surfacing, intense emotions (these may occur during or after the session and can include agitation, feeling "on edge", sadness, anger, etc.), physical sensations (muscle tension, crying, tingling), vivid dreams (EMDR can trigger new and intense dreams, this means that your brain is reprocessing your memories. It may be overwhelming, but it is not a bad thing), and feeling more sensitive than usual.
There is something called "EMDR fatigue", which typically occurs in the hours or days after a session. Because your brain is reprocessing a difficult memory (and continues processing even after the session), you may feel more tired than usual. I felt a lot more irritable the day after, but it usually went away before the next session. If you are feeling side effects that continue to the next session, it may be good to take a break from EMDR until it resolves. Usually, if I am feeling particularly traumatized and upset, then instead of processing my therapist and I use talk therapy that week and try again the following week.
How long does EMDR take?
That depends. I wish I could say "X weeks" as a definitive answer. Some memories may take a few sessions, others may take 20 minutes. My VCUG alone took 5 weeks (one week for my "lobby" memory, 3 weeks for the VCUG itself, and 1 week for my memories directly following the VCUG). Other traumatic memories only took me 1 session (or even less!). Occasionally, I would hit a wall during EMDR. At that point, there was no further processing as my brain simply refused. We would end the session and by the time the next session came around, the wall was gone and I could finish the memory. Sometimes the brain just needs some time to process what it has been through. The average EMDR length is 6-12 sessions (1 hour a week).
What does EMDR treat?
It is a widespread misconception that EMDR can only treat PTSD (I believed this as well). However, EMDR can also treat anxiety disorders (GAD, panic disorder, phobias, social anxiety), depression disorders, dissociative disorders, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (this includes body dysmorphic disorder and hoarding disorder), personality disorders (BPD, antisocial), and trauma disorders (PTSD, CPTSD).
I have used it for PTSD (VCUG and other things that have happened), anxiety, procrastination, and phobias (I have a fear of bees, I am currently working on this. As of today, I am still afraid of bees). As a result of EMDR, I no longer have PTSD. I still have anxiety, but to a lesser extent, and a phobia of bees (in process).
Is EMDR a scam?
If you asked me 1 year ago (when I started EMDR), I would say absolutely. During my initial sessions, I felt ridiculous. I was watching a ball on my computer thinking about the worst times of my life, I constantly thought "What am I doing here?" In fact, my EMDR therapist ALSO thought EMDR was a scam. She tried it for the first time and decided to start practicing it as she was impressed by its effectiveness. My partner also thought it was a scam (but didn't tell me as he didn't want to ruin it if it wasn't a scam). Now, a year into EMDR, I am a full believer. It has changed my life. Memories that used to rule my life now feel unimportant. I have no emotional ties to those memories. A year ago, I couldn't even talk about my VCUG without crying and shutting down. Today, I can write about it, speak about it, think about it, research it, all without having to relive the experience. It has changed me in ways I didn't think was possible. Even my partner, a huge skeptic, couldn't believe the changes he was seeing from me. He is a full believer, just from watching how it has changed me. I am cured of PTSD, because of my EMDR, and I won't ever forget my experience. I am forever grateful to my therapist, who I found online by chance, she has changed my life.
Does EMDR make things worse?
Sometimes, EMDR can make traumatic memories worse before they get better. However, this typically does not last for long. EMDR works in most cases, there are situations where it doesn't work. EMDR may not be right for you, it is best to get an opinion from an EMDR therapist or psychiatrist before starting. And please, do not attempt EMDR on yourself. Although it is possible to self-administer EMDR, it is best done by a licensed professional. For example, one session I completely dissociated without even realizing. The only time I noticed was when my therapist pointed out that I hadn't been following the ball for almost a full minute. I had no idea. She was able to bring me back to reality, something that I would not have been able to do myself.
Is EMDR difficult?
Yes, EMDR can be quite difficult at times. Talking about and thinking about traumatic memories can be overwhelming and painful. At times, EMDR felt emotionally exhausting and extremely overwhelming (especially when processing my VCUG). The majority of people who have been through EMDR would describe it as hard, because processing a traumatic memory is a monumental task. Just because it is difficult, doesn't mean it isn't worth it. If you feel like you are in a place to begin EMDR, then give it a try! If you do not think you are in a place to process these memories, then there are other therapies to try or you can wait until you are ready. It depends on how your brain reacts, at times I felt like I was on top of the world after EMDR. Other times, it felt like my world was collapsing. After I was done with it though, I felt like a completely different person. In my opinion, it was worth it for me.
If you are interested in EMDR, visit these sites for my information!
https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emd
https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/
https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments/eye-movement-reprocessing

I'm printing (anycubic Photon) some flexible constructs with an expensive resin and the print is failing. So I was wondering if there's any slicer or a simulation software that allows pre evaluating the print to see if the construct will break with specific settings?

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Back when I actually played DnD in person I had a DM that would actually separate the group into different rooms of the house whenever the party split up so there was less meta knowledge on what each member was doing when your character wasn't actually there. The DM would swap to the other room every couple of minutes to let each member do a couple things. This also gave time for bathroom/snack breaks or discussing what that half of the group was going to do next.
I play on Discord now and I've never done that on there but you'd think that would be possible as well by setting up different voice chats.
I liked this idea because if something happens to one group then meta knowledge wouldn't effect the other groups decisions.
Downside is that obviously split parties take up more time and physically splitting up the players takes even longer. But personally I like it.
What do yall think? Is the added emersion worth it?

As fresh tears roll down my face I sit and write this post. I’m in my feelings for the first time in a hot minute and it’s not even because my pwBPD has done anything to me. The BPD for the most part i’ve managed to deal with, I now try my very best (and mostly succeed) at taking no notice of it and not taking it to heart. But I’m at that inevitable point in all BPD relationships where I wonder if I can manage to take it all for the serious long run. Now i’ve dealt with it for the long run, we’ve been together solidly for 3 years. Every goalpost I set for breaking up with her I move when she crosses it.
The very truth is I love her. Unfortunately, and as fucking unhealthy as that is for my life and mental health. I love her more than anything in this whole world and dare I say I fucking adore her.
I’m doing so well, seriously i’ve transformed my life. Started an online business, I now go to the gym daily, i’m eating healthy for the first time ever. I meditate daily and am now a book listener. My life is radically different to what it was. (Might be worth mentioning we’re long distance still). For my life, leaving her would do wonders and it’s the logical thing to do at this point. But I can’t the trauma bond is strong as they say. Seriously the love I feel for her is stupidly strong. No matter how mean she gets, no matter how much the words she says to me hurt, and no many how many false accusations I get slung, I still have a seriously strong love for her. Why?
This love shit is weird. My life is unimaginable wirhout her. It’s shit without her. THOUSANDS of amazing memories are rushing through my head right now. Some times where I’ve felt the purest form of happiness. This is why I am crying. The fact I love her so fucking much, and that my life is nothing without her. How pathetic am I lmao.

Maybe I should post this somewhere like mildly_infuriating. Anyway for July 4th I made a rule in the app that someone must book 4 days along with that day. It’s on a Tuesday this year.A while back someone booked the weekend after, arriving the 7th (Fri.) which is fine.Last night I get a request to “Accept” or “Decline” someonewho wants to stay the previous weekend for 2 nights, departing July 2nd. I did end up hitting Accept because it works out good enough for me.Here’s the part that bugged me: In a message from Airbnb this morning it said I have 11 hours left to respond and if I decline the booking will be blocked out anyway. I’m used to Airbnb pushing people on me that I’m not supposed to want, like too many guests, people with zero reviews or encroachment of our day-after cleanup breaks. Those things actually bug me as well but I can still turn those away if I get a weird vibe. I just can’t understand how they can break my specific settings and give me an ultimatum. Also, they (the algorithm, whatever) seems to be more squeamish than me and has no faith in a better deal coming if we were to pass. There's a fair chance someone might have booked Friday (the 30th) to Wednesday (the 5th), Sunday to Thursday, etc.This time it worked out and I probably could have fought for getting the dates reopened if I declined. Wouldn't it be nice if the auto-generated message was something like, "Thank you for bending your rules and accepting [Guest Name] for these dates" ?
Thanks for letting me vent. :/