Through my boredom at work I took a look through the standings of each of the B1G's sports standing to answer the question of which B1G school is the most athletic.
My methodology is nothing fancy, I just take the rankings and assign points in reverse order. Last place gets 1 point and first place gets points equal to how ever many schools participate in the sport. This means Ranking first in a sport where every school has a team, like basketball, holds more sway than a sport with only a handful of teams, like hockey. Some sports include Notre Dame and John Hopkins, but I did not include those schools for the sake of this ranking. I included both men's and women's sports as well as took the past 3 rankings for each sport into account. With that out of the way, let's see where the 14 schools stand, starting with last.
14th: Purdue
1st place rankings: 22-23 Men's Basketball
2nd place rankings: 2021 Woman's Soccer
3rd place rankings: 21-22 Men's Basketball
.
.
13th: Michigan State
1st place rankings: 2022 Women's Soccer
2nd place rankings: 22-23 Women's Gymnastics
3rd place rankings: 2021 Football, 21-22 Women's Gymnastics
.
.
12th: Rutgers
1st place rankings: 2021 Women's Soccer
2nd place rankings: 2022 Baseball, 2021 Men's Lacrosse, 2022 Men's Lacrosse, 2021 Field Hockey
3rd place rankings: 2023 Men's Soccer, 20-21 Women's Basketball, 2022 Women's Lacrosse, 2020 Women's Soccer
.
.
11th: Minnesota
1st place rankings: 21-22 Hockey, 22-23 Hockey
2nd place rankings: 20-21 Hockey, 2021 Softball, 2020 Volleyball
3rd place rankings: 20-21 Women's Gymnastics, 2023 Softball, 2022 Volleyball
.
.
10th: Indiana
1st place rankings: 2021 Men's Soccer, 22-23 Women's Basketball
2nd place rankings: 2023 Baseball, 22-23 Men's Basketball, 20-21 Wrestling, 20-21 Women's Basketball, 2023 Softball
3rd place rankings: 2020 Football, 2022 Men's Soccer
.
.
9th: Nebraska
1st place rankings: 2021 Baseball
2nd place rankings: 22-23 Men's Gymnastics, 2022 Softball, 2021 Volleyball, 2022 Volleyball
3rd place rankings: 21-22 Men's Gymnastics, 20-21 Wrestling, 22-23 Wrestling, 2020 Volleyball
.
.
8th: Wisconsin
1st place rankings: 21-22 Men's Basketball, 20-21 Hockey, 2020 Volleyball, 2021 Volleyball, 2022 Volleyball
2nd place rankings: N/A
3rd place rankings: 21-22 Men's Tennis, 2022 Women's Soccer, 21-22 Women's Tennis, 22-23 Women's Tennis
.
.
7th: Illinois
1st place rankings: 20-21 Men's Tennis
2nd place rankings: 20-21 Men's Basketball, 21-22 Men's Basketball
3rd place rankings: 20-21 Men's Gymnastics, 22-23 Men's Gymnastics, 2022 Softball
.
.
6th: Maryland
1st place rankings: 2022 Baseball, 2023 Baseball, 2021 Men's Lacrosse, 2022, Men's Lacrosse, 2023 Men's Soccer, 20-21 Women's Basketball, 2022 Field Hockey, 2022 Women's Lacrosse
2nd place rankings: 2021 Baseball, 2022 Men's Soccer, 2021 Women's Lacrosse, 2023 Women's Lacrosse
3rd place rankings: 2023 Men's Lacrosse, 22-23 Women's Basketball
.
.
5th: Northwestern
1st place rankings: 2021 Women's Lacrosse, 2023 Women's Lacrosse, 2022 Softball, 2023 Softball
2nd place rankings: 2020 Football, 2022 Women's Lacrosse, 2022 Women's Soccer
3rd place rankings: 22-23 Men's Basketball, 22-23 Men's Tennis, 2020 Field Hockey, 2022 Field Hockey, 2021 Softball, 20-21 Women's Tennis
.
.
4th: Iowa
1st place rankings: 20-21 Women's Gymnastics, 2021 Field Hockey
2nd place rankings: 20-21 Men's Gymnastics, 21-22 Wrestling, 22-23 Wrestling, 21-22 Women's Basketball, 22-23 Women's Basketball
3rd place rankings: 2022 Baseball, 2023 Baseball, 20-21 Basketball, 22-23 Women's Gymnastics
.
.
3rd: Penn State
1st place rankings: 2023 Men's Lacrosse, 2022 Men's Soccer, 20-21 Wrestling, 21-22 Wrestling, 22-23 Wrestling, 2020 Women's Soccer
2nd place rankings: 2021 Men's Soccer, 2020 Field Hockey, 2022 Field Hockey
3rd place rankings: 2022 Football, 2021 Field Hockey
.
.
2nd: Ohio State
1st place rankings: 2020 Football, 21-22 Men's Tennis, 22-23 Men's Tennis, 21-22 Women's Basketball, 20-21 Women's Tennis, 21-22 Women's Tennis
2nd place rankings: 2021 Football, 2022 Football, 21-22 Men's Gymnastics, 2023 Men's Soccer, 20-21 Men's Tennis, 21-22 Women's Gymnastics, 2020 Women's Soccer, 22-23 Women's Tennis
3rd place rankings: 22-23 Hockey, 2021 Men's Lacrosse, 2022 Men's Lacrosse, 2021 Volleyball
.
.
1st: Michigan
1st place rankings: 20-21 Basketball, 2021 Football, 2022 Football, 20-21 Men's Gymnastics, 21-22 Men's Gymnastics, 22-23 Men's Gymnastics, 21-22 Women's Gymnastics, 22-23 Women's Gymnastics, 2020 Field Hockey, 2021 Softball, 22-23 Women's Tennis
2nd place rankings: 21-22 Hockey, 22-23 Hockey, 21-22 Men's Tennis, 22-23 Men's Tennis, 20-21 Women's Gymnastics, 20-21 Women's Tennis, 21-22 Women's Tennis
3rd place rankings: 2021 Baseball, 2021 Men's Soccer, 20-21 Men's Tennis, 21-22 Wrestling, 21-22 Women's Basketball, 2021 Women's Soccer
.
Surprised by some rankings? I had fun making this so let me know if you'd like to maybe see this for other conferences!

Tennessee adds another blue-chipper with the commitment of 2024 4* RB Peyton Lewis. Lewis announced his commitment surrounded by Tennessee staff, current commits, and future Vols during the '865 Live' recruiting event in Knoxville over the weekend (last year was called RockyTopalooza). This event was jam packed with other blue chip recruits and included a scavenger hunt, a putt putt golf contest, and a talent show. The Salem, VA native gives Heupel's staff their TWELFTH commitment in the 2024 class choosing Tennessee over Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina. Lewis was offered by the Vols in February 2023 and "always had aspirations of playing at Tennessee" so the commitment came just a few short months afterwards.
Tennessee anchors itself inside the Top 10 at #8 sandwiched between Florida State (#9) and Penn State (#7). See the other commitments below:

2024 Team Ranks: Nat'l #8 SEC #3

Rank	Team	Commits	5*	4*	3*	AVG Points	Total Points
1	Georgia	16	4	7	4	94.14	270.65
2	Michigan	17	1	10	6	91.34	250.12
3	Ohio State	13	2	9	2	93.05	238.14
4	Notre Dame	16	2	9	5	90.82	236.05
5	LSU	16	0	11	5	90.32	232.40
6	Oregon	14	0	11	3	91.01	224.58
7	Penn State	14	1	7	6	90.43	217.41
8	Tennessee	12	0	7	5	90.51	202.23
9	Florida State	11	2	5	4	90.45	192.35
10	South Carolina	9	1	7	1	92.95	183.60

2024 Commitments

Name	Position	Height	Weight	Class	Star	247Comp Rank	POS Rank	Rating	Commit Date
Jake Merklinger	QB	6-3	195	2024	4	65	8	0.9634	3/30/23
Jonathan Echols	ATH (TE)	6-4	230	2024	4	94	7	0.9525	7/4/22
JJ Harrell	WR	6-0	187	2024	4	143	20	0.9380	2/27/23
Kaleb Beasley	CB	6-0	179	2024	4	150	14	0.9351	10/21/22
Peyton Lewis	RB	6-1	190	2024	4	215	15	0.9208	5/27/23
Kellen Lindstrom	DL	6-5	235	2024	4	268	31	0.9117	5/5/23
Amari Jefferson	ATH (WR)	6-1	195	2024	4	270	23	0.9110	UT Baseball Commit
Marcus Goree Jr.	ATH (DB)	6-0.5	177	2024	4	416	37	0.8915	2/18/23
Gage Ginther	IOL	6-5.5	287	2024	3	604	37	0.8794	4/8/23
Edrees Farooq	S	5-11	180	2024	3	627	60	0.8778	4/16/23
Carson Gentle	DL	6-3	241	2024	3	804	81	0.8697	7/23/22​
Jesse Perry	OT	6-6	275	2024	3	851	69	0.8664	4/7/23
Jeremias Heard	DL	6-7	295	2024	3	NA	99	0.8552	4/21/23

2024 Top Targets

Name	Position	Height	Weight	Class	Star	247Comp Rank	Rating	Recent Notes
Williams Nwaneri	DL	6-5	250	2024	5	3	0.9971	247 Recruiting Director Steve Wiltfong said Vols were in "pole position" going into summer Official Visits. OV scheduled for 6/9/23. Primary competition: Oklahoma and Texas A&M
Mike Matthews	ATH	6-1	180	2024	5	9	0.9955	OV scheduled for 6/23. Primary competition: Alabama, Clemson, Georgia, USC
Sammy Brown	LB	6-2	230	2024	5	14	0.9928	Vols "set the bar high" during Official Visit for '865 Live' event on 5/27. Primary competition: Clemson, Georgia, Ohio State, Oklahoma
Eddrick Houston	Edge	6-3	255	2024	5	15	0.9907	Tennessee not yet scheduled for OV. Primary competition: Alabama, Clemson, Georgia, Ohio State, USC
Ryan Wingo	WR	6-2	198	2024	5	21	0.9884	Tennessee not yet scheduled for OV but just visited for '865 Live' recruiting event. Primary competition: Georgia, Michigan, Missouri, Texas
Elijah Rushing	Edge	6-6	235	2024	5	22	0.9883	OV scheduled for 6/23. Primary competition: Arizona, Notre Dame, Oregon, UCLA
Jerrick Gibson	RB	5-10	200	2024	4	35	0.9799	OV scheduled for 6/16. Primary competition: Georgia, Miami, Texas
Jordan Ross	Edge	6-5	215	2024	4	38	0.9774	OV scheduled for 6/23. Primary competition: Florida, Georgia, Texas
Kamarion Franklin	DL	6-5	265	2024	4	39	0.9770	OV scheduled for 6/16. Primary competition: LSU, Miami
Aaron Scott	CB	6-0	170	2024	4	56	0.9665	Tennessee in Top 12 on 4/9/23 but no OV scheduled.
Kameryn Fountain	Edge	6-5.5	237	2024	4	81	0.9567	UT CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTION - OV scheduled for 6/23. Primary competition: USC and USCJr
Demello Jones	S	6-1	176	2024	4	84	0.9563	UGA commit - OV scheduled for 6/23. Primary competition: Alabama and Georgia
Daniel Calhoun	OT	6-6.5	355	2024	4	86	0.9561	OV scheduled for 6/16. Primary competition: Alabama, Auburn, Georgia, Texas
Tylen Singleton	LB	6-1	208	2024	4	123	0.9422	Tennessee not yet scheduled for OV. Primary competition: Arkansas, LSU, TCU, Texas A&M
Max Anderson	OT	6-5	305	2024	4	191	0.9276	MULTIPLE UT CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTIONS - OV scheduled for 6/9. Primary competition: Georgia and Oklahoma
Daniel Hill	ATH (LB/RB)	6-1	220	2024	4	196	0.9261	Tennessee not yet scheduled for OV but just visited for '865 Live' recruiting event. "Top-three" after visit. Primary competition: Alabama and USCJr
Boo Carter	ATH	5-10	184	2024	4	240	0.9151	UT CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTION - Tennessee not yet scheduled for OV but just visited for '865 Live' recruiting event. Primary competition: Ohio State
Edwin Spillman	LB	6-1	216	2024	4	251	0.9137	MULTIPLE UT CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTIONS - OV scheduled for 6/16. Brother of UT '23 commit Nate Spillman. Primary competition: FSU, Georgia, Ohio State
Amaris Wiliams	DL	6-3	260	2024	4	261	0.9130	OV scheduled for 6/23. Primary competition: Florida, NC State, North Carolina
Amari Jefferson	ATH	6-1	195	2024	4	270	0.9110	UT Baseball commit - OV scheduled for 6/23. Primary competition: Alabama and Georgia
Ronan O'Connell	OT	6-4.5	288	2024	3	539	0.8833	UT CRYSTAL BALL PREDICTION - OV scheduled for 6/23. Primary competition: Clemson and Wisconsin

Recruiting Notes

• The team rankings do not include Amari Jefferson as a UT football commit but I have included him here due to his baseball commitment to Tennessee. Jefferson has been taking football visits and it is clear that Tennessee will be a finalist.
• 2024 4* ATH Jonathan Echols has announced he is being recruited to play TE at Tennessee.
• '865 Live' Recruiting Event had some very big names in addition to some of the top targets above including...
  • 2024 5* Edge Dylan Stewart
  • 2024 4* DL Aydin Breland
  • 2024 4* Edge Brian Robinson
  • 2024 4* ATH Kamron Mikell (announced an OV for 11/18 vs. UGA)
  • 2025 5* OT Josh Petty

I wanted Caitlin Clark to win so bad and was rooting for Iowa but when I look at the score I'm thinking that even if the officiating was a bit lopsided in LSU's favor (which is debatable) it probably doesn't matter. Angel Reese was on the bench early in the first half too. It wasn't just Hawkeye players.
That said, regardless of whether or not it really effected the outcome of the game, what did you guys think of the officiating? Was it too overbearing?

Demographics Gender: Male Race/Ethnicity: South Asian Residence: South Asia Income Bracket: Less than $20,000 (technically zero and living off the loan money after dad lost job) Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): None
Intended Major(s): Computer Science
Academics Rank (or percentile): 1/109 Senior Year Course Load: 3 AP courses and 2 Honors courses Standardized Testing List the highest scores earned and all scores that were reported. SAT I: 1530 (730 RW, 800 M) ACT: 34 A Level : 4 A*s in Physics, Chemistry, Computer, Mathematics "a" in AS Level English Language Extracurriculars/Activities List all extracurricular involvements, including leadership roles, time commitments, major achievements, etc. #1 President of Science club in senior year of HS. Conducted multiple programs. #2 House Captain (9-10) Won Best House award multiple times under my captaincy. #3 National Level Robotics Competition Winner Once #4 Multiple Paid Internships at Overseas companies #5 Built website for a Australian Football Club
#6 Build a GPS tracker for Airports in the rural parts of the country Awards/Honors List all awards and honors submitted on your application. #1 National Chemistry Olympiad Gold Medalist #2 National Informatic Olympiad: National Dynamite #4 Some regional robotics prize Letters of Recommendation (Briefly describe relationships with your recommenders and estimated rating.) English teacher: 10/10. Was one of her favorite students and only student in her class to get an "a" in the AS Level English Exam.
Physics teacher: 10/10. He was the coordinator of my Science Club. Knows me and my family very well.
​
What kind of colleges should I apply with these stats? Where do I have my best shot? A Financial Aid is a must. Also, I'm on a gap year, so what sort of ECs I should go for?

I hit my head celebrating our 13th place finish on the final day of the 2017/18 season. Back then we had Paul Heckingbottom in charge and Pierre-Michel Lasogga leading the forward line! First thing I did when I woke up was check the current Leeds United squad and I have to say it doesn't look like I've missed much.
I note that Cooper, Dallas and Ayling are all still here but this was unsurprising to me - these were all pretty average mid table Championship players so I suppose that makes sense if that's the level we've been at all these years. Not many academy lads which is a shame. We did have a Leeds-born player called Kalvin Phillips back then who seemed like a really nice lad but a bit of a limited footballer. It's a shame but I'm not surprised to see he is no longer with us, and presumably at Barnsley or Bradford or somewhere along with Tom Lees and Dom Poleon. Anyway, hopefully our recruitment has stepped it up a bit since signing the likes of Mathiusz Kilch and Gianni Alioski. One hardly kicked a ball and was shipped out on loan to some Dutch side, the other put in fairly erratic performances on the wing and seemed a bit... odd. We were never, ever going to challenge for promotion with players like that, and I'm happy to see it looks like they are long gone now.
However, I was delighted to find out Patrick Bamford is a Leeds player these days! I'm really excited to watch him play for us, he was absolutely clinical when I last saw him at Elland Road - scoring a hattrick for Middlesbrough.
I see that Sam Allardyce is being considered for manager next season? That seems about par for the course coming off the back of Neil Warnock, Garry Monk and Paul Heckingbottom. I imagine we've been through Gary Megson, Tony Pulis and Roy Hodgson and the rest of the merry-go-round in the last five years? Personally I'd like to see the club be proactive and hire someone a bit younger with fresh ideas. The likes of Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard must be chomping at the bit to stay in the game and both seem like honourable chaps with an aptitude for management. Last thing I want to see is us being run by an old foreign manager, with no experience of the English game, or British culture in general. You know the sort, they have translators with them to do the interviews because they can't even get to grips with the language. How are players meant to be coached by that? Smacks of desperation and never leads to success.
On another note, I'm glad to see we didn't persist with that horrendous fist badge that was touted, and the owners decided to honour the long established white, blue and yellow colour scheme of the club afterall. I see the Adidas logo on the Leeds website now so I'm excited to see what bangers they've brought out for us! I imagine they're all classics what with Adidas being such a reputable brand.
Anyway, keep the faith, lads, next year marks two full decades since we were last in the prem but I'm sure we'll get back there one day. Imagine how sweet promotion will feel after all these years, with thousands of fans roaring inside a packed Elland Road cheering the boys on. And once we do finally get promoted we will be a big attraction for some major investment as well, and as long as we recruit well, back our managers, don't get tied up in silly off field drama and have professional owners we should comfortably leapfrog the likes of Crystal Palace and Fulham and look to return to the European spots within a year or two.
And until then, at least we know that supporting Leeds will always be better than supporting some no-hope club like Luton Town.
Anyway, MOT lads! It's great to be back!

Just up late watching highlights from the Peach Bowl. Still in awe of that game, one of the greatest CFB games I’ve ever seen. Rewatching the amazing plays CJ Stroud made are a lot easier to compliment knowing the result of the game. If anyone is craving college football the way I am, go watch the highlights. I’ve always thought Ryan Day was sorta handed an exceptional program, but props to him for the way he coached his team. He out schemed our defense for the most part and coached a hell of a game. Kirby just seems to adjust and understand the game so well. I’m so ready for this season and the way Kirby has been recruiting, I’m more than ready for the seasons to come. HBTFD
Link for highlights: https://youtu.be/hIrAsMmlQzg

I'm from Northwest Iowa. Been on every dating site known to man and l just seeing if I can maybe hit gold on here. Looking for someone to grow old with as I'm tired of always coming home to an empty apartment, there is only so much Mass Effect games once can play (PS4). I'm 6' tall, Brown hair and brown eyes, I am overweight but have decided I need to change that otherwise I'm going to have a short life and I don't want that. I want to have kids and grow old with someone.
Hmm favorite things/hobbies
-Going to concerts
-Going to Movies (I'm a movie whore)
-Star Wars geek and Marvel Geek.
-I listen to mostly hard rock/heavy metal, not country too much
-Favorite bands are Seether (seen and met them multiple times), Killswitch Engage (Howard Jones fronted is the best imo), Disturbed, In This Moment, Halestorm, Lacuna Coil, Metallica (of course who doesn't like Metallica and call themselves a metal head), and many more.
-Kansas City Chiefs Football fan
-Sci-fi geek (star wars (know trivia upon trivia), star trek to a certain point, Stargate movie and series, Supernatural, Arrowverse shows, etc) -vampire mythology and ghost hunting
-Bonfires
-Long talks that go long into the nights about nothing and everything at once
-Like the seasons of Halloween to Christmas
-Like to sit in front of the window and watch it snow during the holiday season, if there isn't snow it just doesn't feel like the holiday season
-I'm a gamer PS4 mostly. Don't do much online play, haven't found a game that I like yet do that.
-Love the Mass Effect series (yes even Andromeda, once the bugs were fixed it was a really good game) Madden, Tomb Raider games, Star Wars: Fallen Jedi Order. I'm one that will play for a little bit to relax and then go about everyday life.
-My ideal job would be to be in radio as that is what one of my college degree's are in.
-There is a lot more stuff and if you're interested please ask as I am an open book.
As for what I'm looking for, I'm not picky. Of age obviously, Redheads are my kryptonite, someone that isn't looking for a sugar daddy or depend on someone to get them through life, Independent, would be happy cuddling on the couch instead of going out every night (once in a while is fine), if you have kids not problem (kids seem to like me).
If the right person comes along I can do a long distance relationship as long as we close the distance. Just looking for a connection and maybe even if I don't find that I can at least fine someone to talk to.
I'm easy to get a hold of, either through here or kik or if there are other chatting programs I would do that.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Not the best pic but I have more if you'd like https://imgur.com/a/2H6a1F9

I know what you're all probably thinking, "Legends and Leaders, what is wrong with you?". But hear me out! All must know of the divisions the Big Ten used from 2011 to 2013! Rutgers and Maryland joined in 2014 when they switched to the East and West divisions, so I tallied the responses from my comment on my previous post to decide who of the two would be the legend. Tomorrow Rutgers will be the leader along with Notre Dame. The year in parenthesis is the date the teams last played each other. As always if I missed any dates or matchups, please let me know!

1. Michigan

Arizona State (0-1) (1987)
Kansas State (0-1) (2013)
Mississippi State (0-1) (2011)
Oklahoma (0-1) (1976)
Tennessee (0-1) (2002)
Texas (0-1) (2005)
TCU (0-1) (2022)
Toledo (0-1) (2008)
Wesleyan (CT) (0-1) (1883)
Cleveland AA (OH) (0-1) (1891)
​

1. Michigan State

Alabama (0-2) (2015)
Army (0-2) (1984)
Auburn (0-1) (1938)
BYU (0-1) (2016)
Colorado State (0-1) (1998)
Florida State (0-2) (1988)
Georgia Tech (0-3) (1985)
Houston (0-1) (1967)
LSU (0-1) (1995)
Louisiana Tech (0-1) (2003)
Texas Tech (0-1) (2010)
Saint Louis (MO) (0-1-1) (1924)
Marietta (OH) (0-1) (1920)
Haskell Indian Nations (KS) (0-1)
Fort MacArthur (TX) (0-1) (1917)
Creighton (NE) (0-2) (1923)
Cornell (NY) (0-1) (1926)
Chicago (IL) (0-1) (1923)
​

1. Minnesota

Arizona State (0-1) (1969)
Hawaii (0-1) (1997)
North Carolina State (0-1) (2000)
Notre Dame (0-4-1) (1938)
Oklahoma (0-2) (1986)
Tennessee (0-1) (1986)
Texas Tech (0-2) (2012)
Virginia (0-1) (2005)
Iowa Navy Pre-Flight (0-3) (1944)
Chicago Naval Reserve (IL) (0-1) (1918)
​

1. Iowa

Colorado (0-2) (1992)
North Carolina State (0-3) (1992)
Miami (FL) (0-4) (1992)
Oklahoma (0-2) (2011)
Stanford (0-1) (2016)
Texas A&M (0-1) (1931)
Utah (0-1) (1978)
Physicians & Surgeons (IL) (0-1) (1897)
Iowa Navy Pre-Flight (0-2) (1944)
Great Lakes NTS (IL) (0-4) (1943)
Doane (NE) (0-1) (1895)
Denver AC (CO) (0-1) (1893)
Centenary (LA) (0-1) (1930)
​

1. Northwestern

Akron (0-1) (2018)
Arizona (0-2) (1976)
Arizona State (0-4) (2005)
Arkansas (0-1) (1981)
Florida (0-2) (1966)
North Carolina (0-2) (1977)
Southern Cal (0-5) (1995)
Tennessee (0-2) (2015)
Texas A&M (0-1) (2011)
Texas Tech (0-1) (2010)
Washington (0-3) (1984)
New Hampshire (0-1) (2006)
Iowa Navy Pre-Flight (0-1) (1942)
Harvard Prep School (IL) (0-1) (1886)
Denver AC (CO) (0-1) (1893)
Chicago University Football Club (IL) (0-2) (1890)
Chicago Naval Reserve (IL) (0-1) (1918)
Carlisle Indian School (PA) (0-1) (1903)
​

1. Nebraska

Arkansas (0-1) (1964)
BYU (0-1) (2015)
Duke (0-1) (1954)
Georgia Tech (0-1) (1990)
Georgia Southern (0-1) (2022)
Houston (0-1) (1979)
Ole Miss (0-1) (2002)
Stanford (0-1) (1940)
Southern Cal (0-4-1) (2014)
Saint Louis (MO) (0-1) (1907)
Iowa Navy Pre-Flight (0-1) (1942)
Carlisle Indian School (PA) (0-1) (1908)
Camp Dodge (IA) (0-1) (1918)
Butte AC (MT) (0-2) (1896)
​

1. Maryland

Houston (0-1) (1977)
Miami (OH) (0-1) (1969)
Marshall (0-1) (2013)
Nebraska (0-2) (2019)
Notre Dame (0-2) (2011)
Ohio State (0-8) (2022)
Oklahoma (0-4) (1967)
Oregon State (0-1) (2007)
Stanford (0-1) (2014)
Texas A&M (0-2) (1958)
Washington (0-1) (1982)
Wisconsin (0-4) (2022)
Walbrook AC (MD) (0-1) (1901)
Swarthmore (PA) (0-1) (1919)
Princeton (NJ) (0-2) (1922)
Mount Washington AC (MD) (0-1) (1906)
Haverford (PA) (0-2) (1916)
Gibraltar AC (DC) (0-1) (1900)
Gallaudet JV (DC) (0-1) (1898)
Curtis Bay Coast Guard (MD) (0-1) (1943)
Columbia AC (DC) (0-1) (1894)
Chicago (IL) (0-1) (1926)
Chemical Warfare Service (DC) (0-1) (1918)
Carnegie Mellon (PA) (0-1) (1921)
Baltimore Medical College (MD) (0-1) (1897)
Alexandria Episcopal HS (VA) (0-4) (1900)
​
https://freebiesupply.com/logos/big-ten-logo/
​
*Don't sleep on Iowa Navy Pre-Flight!

Hello all,
I am writing this post as I am wanting to gather some information as it pertains to best bars on campuses around the nation to create a website so college football fans know where the best bars are at for their favorite college football team.
Below are some questions I am looking for a response?
Best pregame bar before Cyclone football games? Why is it the best pregame bar?
Best bar to watch Cyclone football games? Why is it the best watch party bar?
Best postgame bar after Cyclone football games? Why is it the best post game bar?
Any information is extremely helpful and appreciated. I can’t wait to see some of the responses.
Thank you

Legacy and Impact on the Sport
“Watershed moment” is what Larry McReynolds used to describe Jeff Gordon’s first career win in the 1994 Coke 600. A 22 year old racer from California with an open wheel background was something unheard of in NASCAR at the time. That same 22 year old winning one of the sport’s biggest races was even more preposterous. The win would not only begin to propel Gordon into NASCAR superstardom, turning him into a household name who transcended the sport like no other, becoming a bonafide A List celebrity in the process, but fundamentally altered the landscape of the sport. What Jeff Gordon did for the sport can not be understated. What Babe Ruth did for Baseball, what Michael Jordan did for Basketball, what Tiger Woods did for Golf, Jeff Gordon did for NASCAR. The quick success of the young, clean cut, personable driver from California helped grow the sport from its regionally dominated southern roots into a nationally and internationally well known sport, so much so it became the 2nd most watched sport behind only football. Gordon provided audiences with a different type of driver to cheer for. Not cut from the same cloth as the typical driver, Gordon brought in an entirely new audience which sparked a culture rivalry between the new (Gordon) and old (Earnhardt) on track and off. With this new audience and rivalry, media attention, viewership, and sponsorship all grew as new tracks not only entered the sport, but thrived. The success of Gordon was the beginning of the youth movement in the sport as owner’s radically changed their perspective from veteran southern drivers to young guns from across the nation. It opened the door for the Gillette Young Guns in the 00s, West Coast drivers like Kevin Harvick, Jimmie Johnson, and the Busch Brothers, to dirt drivers like Larson, Stenhouse, and Bell, and guys who grew up Gordon fans getting their shot at a young age like Joey Logano and Denny Hamlin. Where the sport is today and who is in the sport today is due to Jeff Gordon.
Ownership Success
Jeff Gordon convinced Rick Hendrick and Lowe’s to take a shot on Jimmie Johnson, another young kid from California who drove anything with an engine to great success. Bringing in Chad Knaus, an old Rainbow Warrior on the 24, Gordon helped form one of the the most dominant DriveCrew Chief pairings of all time, going on to be 7x Champions winning 83 races. Gordon’s ownership success did not end here. Taking on an even bigger role for Hendrick Motorsports, he revitalized the organization that was slumping after he departed. He assisted with HMS Track Attack Program, which only furthered the organizations dominance on road courses. Gordon also recruited Kyle Larson to the former 48 team, winning 10 races and the championship in 2021. Named Vice Chairman in 2022, Gordon is set to replace Rick Hendrick and guide the organization in the future.
Hard Statistics
Summary: Jeff Gordon has all the volume stats, racing his way to the Modern Era leader in Wins, Top 5s, Top 10s, 2nd Place Finishes, Podiums, Poles, (ranks Top 5 All Time in each category) and scoring the most points in a year 7 times. He places Top 5 in the Modern Era for Laps Led, Lead Lap Finishes Win%, Top 5%, Top 10%. Gordon is also the All Time Leader in consecutive starts. And despite the Chase being his perceived “weakness,” Gordon’s 11.9 Average Finish in the Chase/Playoffs is 2nd All Time only to Kevin Harvick.

• 4x NASCAR Cup Champion, 2nd All Time Winston Era, 3rd All Time Modern Era, 4th All Time
  
• 7x Season Long Point Leader, Tied All Time Winston Era, Tied All Time Modern Era, Tied Most All Time
  
• 93 Wins - Modern Era Wins Leader, 3rd All Time (17 more than Dale, 10 more than Johnson)
  
• 325 Top 5s - Modern Era Leader, 3rd All Time (44 more than Dale Sr, 93 more than Johnson)
  
• 477 Top 10s - Modern Era Leader, 2nd All Time (49 more than Dale Sr, 103 more than Johnson)
  
• 75 2nd Place Finishes - Modern Era Leader, 4th All Time (5 more than Dale, 29 more than Jimmie)
  
• 230 Podiums - Modern Era Leader, 4th All Time (25 more than Dale, 54 more than Jimmie)
  
• 81 Poles - Modern Era Leader, 3rd All Time
  
• All Time Consecutive Starts Leader
  
• 24936 Laps Led - 3rd Modern Era, 6th All Time
  
• 706 Races Running at Finish - 7th All Time
  
• 588 Lead Lap Finishes - 2nd All Time
  
• 10.5 Avg Start - 28th All Time (Minimum 100 Starts)
  
• 12.5 Avg Finish - 19th All Time (Minimum 100 Starts)
  
• 11.5% Win % - 4th in Modern Era, 17th All Time
  
• 40% Top 5 % - 5th in Modern Era, 19th All Time
  
• 59% Top 10 % - 5th in Modern Era, 13th All Time
  
• 107,112 Points Earned - 2nd in Modern Era
  
• All Time Earnings Leader
  
• 2nd All Time in Chase/Playoff Average Finish
  

Special Events - Crown Jewels/Grand Slams/Winston Million/No Bull 5/All-StaDuels
Summary: No one was better on the biggest stages than Jeff Gordon. 21 Crown Jewel wins is the most all time. He has the most Brickyard 400 wins and the most Southern 500 wins. A 3x Daytona 500, 3x Coke 600 winner, along with 4x Winston 500 winner. He was the last to win the Winston Million and 3x All Star race winner.

• 21 Crown Jewel Wins - Most All Time (7 more than next closest)
  
• 3x Daytona 500 Winner - Tied 3rd All Time
  
• 3x Coke 600 Winner - Tied 3rd All Time
  
• 4x Winston 500 Winner - Tied All Time Leader
  
• 6x Southern 500 Winner - All Time Leader
  
• 5x Brickyard 400 Winner - All Time Leader (More wins than any Indy Car driver as well)
  
• 4x Consecutive Wins in Single Crown Jewel Event (Darlington 95-98) - Most Consecutive Crown Jewel Wins All Time
  
• 3x Grand Slam Titles - Tied Most All Time
  
• 4x No Bull 5 Wins - Most All Time
  
• 1x Winston Million Winner (Only he and Elliott did it)
  
• 3x All Star Race Winner - Tied 2nd All Time
  
• 5 Daytona Duel Wins - Tied 3rd All Time
  

Track Type Specific Results
Summary: Jeff Gordon is the most versatile NASCAR driver of all time. He is the all time leader in wins at Restrictor Plates, Road Courses, 2.5 milers and Top 3 all time on 1.5 milers and 1 mile intermediates. Nobody has this breadth of success as Gordon. He also owns a record of 5+ wins on 11 different tracks, proving his dominance was not contained to a mere 3-4 tracks like most drivers.

• 12x Restrictor Plate Winner - Most All Time
  
• 9x Road Course Winner - Most All Time
  
• 11x 2.5 Mile Winner - Most All Time
  
• 17x Short Track Winner - Top 15 All Time
  
• 10x 2 Mile Track Winner - 7th All Time
  
• 10x 1 Mile Track Winner - 3rd All Time
  
• 24x 1.5 Mile Track Winner - 3rd All Time
  
• Won at 24 of 25 Tracks Competed On
  
• 11 Tracks with 5+ wins - Modern Era Leader, 2nd All Time (Martinsville, Darlington, Talladega, Daytona, Pocono, Charlotte, Atlanta, Bristol, Dover, Indy, Sonoma)
  

Stats Per Track
Summary: Gordon owned Indianapolis like no one ever has in the track’s history. Not only was he the greatest driver at the track in NASCAR, but perhaps ever. His success extended to Darlington, Martinsville, Pocono, and Sonoma. The pattern shows. Tracks that are tough to drive, driver’s tracks, Gordon dominated. He is seen riddled throughout track history books. Another underrated stat is Gordon’s Lead Lap Finishes, which he owns the record at many tracks, proving his consistency and longevity. Gordon is also a 3x Inaugural Winner at tracks of Indy, Kansas, and Auto Club.

• Atlanta - 42 races, 5 wins (Tied 4th All Time), 16 Top 5s, 26 Top 10s, 12.6 Average Finish, 1297 Laps Led, 28 Lead Lap Finishes (All Time Leader)
  
• Auto Club - Inaugural Winner, 26 races, 3 wins (Tied 3rd All Time), 10 Top 5s (3rd All Time), 12 Top 10s, 11.8 Average Finish, 648 Laps Led (3rd All Time), 21 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Bristol - 47 races, 5 wins, 17 Top 5s, 25 Top 10s, 12.2 Average Finish, 2730 Laps Led (5th All Time), 31 Lead Lap Finishes (Most All Time)
  
• Charlotte - 46 races, 5 wins (Tied 3rd All Time), 17 Top 5s, 25 Top 10s, 15.3 Average Finish, 788 Laps Led, 27 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Darlington - 36 races, 7 wins (3rd All Time), 19 Top 5s (Tied 4th All Time), 23 Top 10s, 11.6 Average Finish (4th All Time Minimum 20 Starts), 1744 Laps Led (4th All Time), 26 Lead Lap Finishes (Most All Time)
  
• Daytona - 46 races, 6 wins (Tied 5th All Time), 13 Top 5s, 21 Top 10s, 16.3 Average Finish, 710 Laps Led, 35 Lead Lap Finishes (Most All Time)
  
• Dover - 47 races, 5 wins (Tied 3rd All Time), 18 Top 5s (Tied 3rd All Time), 27 Top 10s (Tied 2nd All Time), 11.4 Average Finish (3rd All Time Minimum 20 Starts), 2396 Laps Led, 32 Lead Lap Finishes (Most All Time)
  
• Homestead - 17 races, 1 win, 7 Top 5s (Tied 2nd All Time), 13 Top 10s (2nd All Time), 10.3 Average Finish (5th All Time), 253 Laps Led, 12 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Indy - Inaugural Winner, All Time Leader in Races (23), Wins (5), Top 5s (12), Top 10s (17), Poles (3), Laps (3519), Laps Led (528), Lead Lap Finishes (20). 10.0 Average Finish (3rd All Time)
  
• Kansas - Inaugural Winner, 20 races, 3 wins (Tied2nd All Time), 11 Top 5s (2nd All Time), 14 Top 10s (Tied 3rd All Time), 10.0 Average Finish (2nd All Time Minimum 10 starts), 218 Laps Led, 17 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Las Vegas - 18 races, 1 win, 6 Top 5s, 8 Top 10s, 15.2 Average Finish, 457 Laps Led, 11 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Martinsville - 47 races, 9 wins (Tied 3rd All Time), 29 Top 5s (2nd All Time), 38 Top 10s (Most All Time), 6.7 Average Finish (2nd Best All Time, Minimum 10 Starts), 3779 Laps Led (Most All Time), 38 Lead Lap Finishes (Most All Time)
  
• Michigan - 46 races, 3 wins, 19 Top 5s (Tied 2nd All Time), 27 Top 10s (3rd All Time), 12.4 Average Finish, 1059 Laps Led (2nd All Times, Only 3 Drivers Led 1000+ Laps Here), 35 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• New Hampshire - 42 races, 3 wins (Tied 2nd All Time), 16 Top 5s (Most All Time), 24 Top 10s (Most All Time), 11.2 Average Finish (4th All Time Minimum 20 Starts), 1373 Laps Led (Most All Time), 36 Lead Lap Finishes (Most All Time)
  
• North Wilkesboro - 8 races, 1 win, 4 Top 5s, 5 Top 10s, 12.4 Average Finish, 314 Laps Led, 4 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Phoenix - 34 races, 2 wins, 12 Top 5s (Tied 3rd All Time), 24 Top 10s (2nd All Time), 10.8 Average Finish, 446 Laps Led, 26 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Pocono - 47 races (2nd All Time), All Time Leader in Wins (6, Tied), Top 5s (20), Top 10s (32), Laps Led (1040, only driver with 1000+ Led), Lead Lap Finishes (40), 10.2 Average Finish (2nd All Time)
  
• Richmond - 47 races, 2 wins, 18 Tops 5s, 30 Top 10s (Tied 4th All Time), 13.4 Average Finish, 1637 Laps Led, 34 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Rockingham - 23 races, 4 wins, 8 Top 5s, 11 Top 10s, 15.0 Average Finish, 984 Laps Led, 9 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Sonoma - All Time Leader in Races (23), Wins (5), Top 5s (14), Top 10s (18), Poles (5), Laps (2343), Laps Led (457), Average Finish (8.3). Lead Lap Finishes (21)
  
• Talladega - 46 races, 6 wins (Tied 2nd All Time), 16 Top 5s (2nd All Time), 20 Top 10s (Tied 5th All Time), 902 Laps Led (4th All Time), 17.0 Average Finish, 33 Lead Lap Finishes (Tied Most All Time)
  
• Texas - 30 races, 1 win, 9 Top 5s, 14 Top 10s, 691 Laps Led, 17.0 Average Finish, 17 Lead Lap Finishes
  
• Watkins Glen - 24 races (Most All Time), 4 wins (2nd All Time), 6 Top 5s, 9 Top 10s, 262 Laps Led (Most All Time), 17.5 Average Finish, 18 Lead Lap Finishes
  

The Greatest Seasons - 1997 and 1998
1997 Gordon went from champion to all time great at the young age of 25. 10 wins, 22 Top 5s, 23 Top 10s in 32 races, winning the championship.
He won the Daytona 500, Coke 600, Southern 500, which led him to being the second and final winner of the Winston Million. He won another million by winning the All-Star race. He also won at Rockingham, Bristol, Martinsville, Pocono, Auto Club,, Watkins Glen, and Loudon.
Gordon did even better in 1998. In 33 races, he set a modern era record of 13 wins, with 26 Top 5s, 28 Top 10s, and a 5.7 average finish.
Gordon would win the Coke 600, Southern 500 (No Bull 5 Winner, 1 Million Bonus), the first ever night race at Daytona in the Pepsi 400, Brickyard 400 (No Bull 5 Winner, 1 Million Bonus), both road courses, swept Rockingham, along with wins at Bristol, Pocono, Michigan, New Hampshire, and the finale at Atlanta.
In the final 20 races, Gordon’s worst finish was 7th, posting 10 wins and 19 Top 5s. He had 8 consecutive Top 3 finishes, during that stretch he won 4 straight. After a disappointing 5th, he went on to post 5 consecutive Top 2 finishes. He ended the season winning 3 out of the final 4 races.
His 1997 and 1998 combined seasons led to 2 championships and 23 wins, 48 Top 5s, 51 Top 10s in 65 races. It included 6 Crown Jewel Wins (1x Daytona 500, 2x Coke 600, 2x Southern 500, 1x Brickyard 400) and 4 million in bonus winnings.
Conclusion
Nobody was better than Jeff Gordon in my eyes. He was the most influential driver the sport will likely ever have and was the sports greatest driver. He grew the sport to new heights and opened the door for hundreds of drivers. He has the modern era records for nearly every major stat from Wins to Poles to Top 5s and Top 10s. He won the biggest races multiple times over. He won championships. He is a successful owner.
Jeff Gordon is the undisputed GOAT of NASCAR.

Anyone else miss these posts? Me neither. But I do miss football.

A day late but we're here, my little cheeto eaters! Remember as always to grab your bingo cards and let's get our little long weekend slumber party going. This whole fucking thing is FORTY MINUTES LONG, you're all lucky that my sibling who was supposed to spend the day chilling at my place has apparently forgotten that plan.
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• There's a new opening style than all her other vlogs. Not sure if that's because of Morgan but also I don't care enough to go hunt down exactly which influencer she cribbed this style from. It features a lot of horse butts. Also her using her phone in bed, which I thought she didn't do because she's mindful.
  • The music she uses is this song, which is DEFINITELY not copyright-free, so have fun learning how actual copyright law works, Paige! The lyrics playing over the are "there are times when/it feels right to/run away, run away/when you ask the same old questions/every day, every day/Why do I set the stage?/Why do I find my place on the pedestal?", because I guess Paige went to the Love is Blind school of "make sure the lyrics of whatever song you use are really, REALLY literal"
• Giveaway winners! Congrats to the three people who won a pile of Paige's old garbage! Don't worry though, if you didn't win her trash, she'll be doing a lot more of these because she "appreciates [us] guys so much" and "wants us to experience some of the things that I'm so grateful to get".
  • Nothing says grateful like giving away your extras to strangers and instead of doing anything to promote them like you were supposed to in return for getting them for free, using the existence of this stuff as a way to leverage yourself up on the algorithm.
    • There's also Dairy Boy in the giveaways, of course, because no one's buying it organically.
• She explains moving Louie, it's the same stuff she said on Instagram. Weirdly horses are like the only animal I've never gotten super obsessed with, so I have no idea how BS this is, but it's almost word-for-word her IG explanation, so it's the same level of BS that was. She does word this though as it being a "charity project" and "passion project" she "donated to", because there was a dearth I guess of places to keep your horse in the rich people part of Connecticut.
  • She has to first run to get a grazing muzzle so Louie doesn't overeat in the pasture. This sets off my internal bad animal treatment alarms in a huge way, but again, don't know enough about horses to know if this is warranted.
• Just kidding! Don't let Paige into a Tractor Supply unsupervised, she's too much of a ~country girl~ to not come out with "so much shit". She also got this beef jerky that looked "so good". It's Iowa Smokehouse beef jerky.
  • It apparently looked good because all she had for breakfast was coffee. Why she only had coffee I'm not sure, since it's not like she didn't have the time to get something better. Coffee and beef jerky for breakfast sure is a choice, and one I'm sure her intestines didn't make her pay for later. This summer is all about ~hot girl indigestion~.
  • Story time! This looks like "legit, real beef jerky", which Paige knows because when Paige was in boarding school she stayed with a family who had a lot of cows and they made their own beef jerky, which Paige was of course intimately involved in, I'm sure. Anyway this makes her have such high standards, which is why she loves when somewhere like Tractor Supply (an enormous fucking chain, Paige) or a "local country mart" sells jerky because it's always better.
    • Fun fact that took me less than thirty seconds to Google, this "real" beef jerky is also available on Amazon
• More of the same definitely not copyrighted song as she packs up Louie's stuff and moves him. There's a lot of woman laughing alone with salad shots as she packs up and pretends to talk to... someone and "carry stuff" (ie: stand around touching her own body awkwardly)
• Some weird things about this whole sequence - 1) the "farm" she moves Louie to appears to have very poor, dilapidated fencing, red flag for me. 2) Paige is wearing a white shirt and then a white cardigan the entire time while DEALING WITH A HORSE and it never gets stained or dirty, which tells me she did fuck all, 3) the only guy with her is this big bald much older man who I assume is the guy starting this venture, meaning he's almost certainly who films her cantering around on Louie without her wearing a helmet laughing, which is so unbearably awkward. Like imagine asking a random older dude to film you doing that in a pure white sweater, 4) when Paige brushes Louie he sheds SO MUCH. Is that bad? It feels bad. When a dog sheds that much, even in the spring, it usually means no one's been brushing it regularly, 5) Louie has such a dip in his back and it makes me wince every time, especially when Paige shows him next to another horse. I don't know what that's from, but I hate it and it doesn't look comfortable for him.
• Nance and Baloo are at home when Paige gets back so she's just going to "throw on a little outfit" and they're going to go out for Mother's Day in Brooklyn. Paige really, really didn't want to go into the city because I guess she's suuuuch a country girl (nice, Paige) but she's doing it for her mom and to see her sister
  • Oh my god she DOESN'T CHANGE HER SHIRT FROM THE BARN, she wears a white henley, what look like blue pajama pants, and a leather coat.
  • Nance steals some of Paige's clothes (how I don't know since they're totally different sizes) and according to Paige is"slaying the boots", a phrase I will pay actual cash money to never hear Paige say again
• Next morning, return of the out of focus camera, though it may have been by accident this time because it stays out of focus. Anyway serious business Paige with her serious business glasses is starting the day with some "desk work". Is that a thing? A phrase? What the fuck is "desk work"? Has anyone who actually does work at a desk ever called it that?
  • When she's in Europe it's definitely harder for her to sit and do computer work even though she has a laptop but starting the day on her desktop at the same time as her "whole team" (WHO) it really makes a difference for them being all on the same page.
    • Okay so my actual job in real life is doing shipping and order management for a small creative goods company. I know very intimately what goes into product development, order fulfillment, etc, and Paige is just straight up saying nonsense. Like I paused and gave serious thought to what possibly she could be talking about, and I don't know what all this "work" is. If she was making everything in-house that's one thing, but that's not work she could possibly be doing or overseeing from Europe. But if she's outsourcing stuff, having it sent to a warehouse, and, then paying someone to ship it out for her, I guess she's doing... development? But that makes no sense because again, she outsources everything. She isn't doing wholesale, there isn't a lot to arrange for pop-ups if everything is outsourced and pre-made and she's only supposedly having one this summer, she only has eight products so the website maintenance is pretty easy, as is accounting, and she only really sells stuff around a drop which she does maybe twice a year.......... like genuinely I'm baffled here. It's my job to do this exact same thing every day with products that aren't jeans or sweatshirts or whatever and I'm so, confused about what her "work" is.
    • Allegedly they're on the "final push" for so many big projects and you know what, if any of these projects involve Paige actually doing anything besides feeling three different samples of denim swatches or deciding which vendor she's going to outsource oven mitts to and saying "I like this" or "I don't like that", I will issue her an apology. I feel safe in the idea that I won't have to issue her an apology, but I will keep on on offer in the off-chance I'm wrong.
    • She just finished making a line sheet (genuine lol once I looked up what that was) and apparently we are going to freeeeak out when we see her new merch - sorry, elevated lifstyle products.
    • It's denim. She's been working on denim. She shows us the final washes but it's in direct sunlight so it's all blown out and out of focus so they look mostly white? But she got the "perfect color". IDK, it's a light wash. I prefer dark wash, actually. It's a lot more flattering and forgiving. But we've already determined my aesthetic and Paige's aesthetic are not the same aesthetic. She's nobly pushed back production six months because she refused to do a full run unless the wash was absolutely perfect. It was so expensive but she needed to love love love the denim, because it's really what she's passionate about and what she wants to do, she wants to be the best denim brand out there. You know, because she's hand-making this denim herself, not just sending instructions to low-wage Chinese workers while being afforded the privilege to fuss over the perceived quality for six months because she has parents who are willing to flush money down the toilet on this. Also, for the record, but denim is like... a choice? Like what is the vision, exactly, because every clothing retailer has some version of denim and people are already super married to their faves, so how exactly is this business model working for her, here. And it doesn't look like stretch denim either, which means it's going to fit a very, very narrow group of body types. Like speaking from ample experience crying in GAP dressing rooms over my "freakish" (read, not built like a popsicle stick) as a teenager in a time before jeggings, jeans are not forgiving and easily worn by everyone. The thing about what Paige is doing so far is that it's universal enough. You don't have to really tailor an oversized sweatshirt or trucker hat to fit you. Everyone can make room for another overpriced candle. But denim??? IDK girl, you do you.
• Paige makes Olivia a latte. Olivia comes in and say it's story time about coffee. Paige asks if she should turn off the camera for this and Olivia says no so Paige continues to film herself preening while Olivia tells her a story about how messy she is frothing milk. Paige spends the entire time interrupting her to go "no! No! No! No!"
  • They look at buttons and rivets and embossed leather patches for the back, and then sweatpants leg panel samples. Baloo hangs out with them and Paige tells him he's stinky. She eats toast.
    • WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS. She's not DESIGNING anything, she's just doing that thing like, you know when you're choosing your racer in Mario Kart and there are a couple hundred variations of wheels and chassis and you just choose the unique combos you want to put together? She's doing that but with generic clothing. I've been jokingly referring to her stuff as "elevated Zazzle" but this isn't even Zazzle because Zazzle you UPLOAD ACTUAL ARTWORK TO. Why is she re-inventing the wheel? What improvements does she think she's making TO A PROVERBIAL WHEEL.
• Not sponsored showing off gifting time! It's not in focus at all so we can't really see any of the products (professional!). One of the products she mentions is that she's friends with CYNTHIA ROWLEY'S DAUGHTER who has nepo baby'd her way into dropping oven mitts and aprons that look like Strawberry Shortcake's rejects. Like they're cute, but they're again little strawberries on white. Like tell me none of you silver spoon-ass bitches cook without telling me by making WHITE OVEN MITTS. Those will turn yellowish and burnt after, what a single batch of brownies? Taking a piece of toast out?
  • This haul includes her tennis Tommy bag. Not sure how she got it since she brags about it being "sold out everywhere even Poshmark and depop"
  • There is sooooooo much of this free bullshit. How does she even get this much free bullshit. Why do companies waste so much money sending this to people like Paige who don't fucking care and openly give it away. What is the point of an influencer. IDK at this point I'm spiraling, this vlog is like a third of the way through and nothing has happened.
• Paige unpacks with Nance. She has so many clothes and I don't think she's worn any of them. Full disclosure that this was the point I actually got annoyed and had to take a break and play some video games for fifteen minutes because while growing up comfortably or on the upper end of middle class in a generational wealth type of town has taught me a lot of patience for people with too much money, there is at some point a limit to how conspicuous over-consumption and waste I can handle, and that point for me came when I saw how many sweaters Paige has that look like they've never been worn. And the on top of this she has a giant suitcase of stuff she's going to depop! The environment? Never heard of her.
• Paige is going to get groceries. She's needed Nance's help to do all the hard stuff she's had to do today like going grocery shopping and having soooo many clothes. She goes to Trader Joe's, then goes to a horse shop and of course buys MORE SHIT SHE DOESN'T NEED. I'm not condoning what the French did when they invented the guillotine, like that was really violent and horrible, but the point is that the longer I watch this vlog the more I'm understanding their motivations.
• Paige goes on a sunset ride with her friend Lauren, this song plays in the background as a flagrant copyright violation, I realize at this point that there's no way this video is going to stay up without Youtube copyright striking it so I have to be extra detailed for posterity and we still have so much to go and this is going to take forever. Louie's back still looks horrible and as someone with inherited lordosis, I feel for him.
• Tommy facetime! He says exactly one sentence and catches a tiny fish, for those of you keeping track on your Bingo cards.
• Nance is still over Paige's house when Paige gets back because she never leaves. Paige is wearing old Dairy Boy sweats. At this point when I scrolled down to press the play button again I realized that Nance has posted a comment about how proud she is of Paige within seconds of the video being uploaded. I live with my mother and sometimes I still need her help on stuff like yelling at health insurance until they cover stuff for me and even I am confused by how codependent their relationship is. Like doesn't Nance have her own house? A husband? Other children? Paige has spent this entire vlog needing Nance's help to do everything from grocery shopping to folding laundry and acting like a teenager. It's a rich text for a therapist to one day unpack.
  • It's Taco Monday, this is just a dumb and boring version of Paige performing the white people taco night song. Also bewildering, Paige seemingly DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE TACO STUFF. It involves almost no cooking! She even bought the spices pre-packaged! She needs Nance's help on this too!
  • Undisclosed new cooking knife brand product placement. They are amazed that it............slices.
    • OH NO SHE SAYS SLAYING WITH BOOTS AGAIN ABOUT THE KNIFE END THIS MISERY
  • Ahahhahah the reason they're so impressed is because they've apparently been cooking with unsharpened knives. Like Paige didn't know you could sharpen knives. A master chef, ladies and gentlemen!
• Oh god we're only halfway through. Paige wakes up the next morning. She got so freckly yesterday (read: she's courting melanoma and is going to age like a raisin). She's going to go play tennis at a club in Greenwich her parents are members at (Note, she shows the logo which means you can spend five seconds googling to discover it's this club. Membership is invite only and it's gauche apparently to discuss how much membership costs, but the estimate is EIGHTY GRAND A YEAR. To be clear, that is nearly THREE TIMES the average American household income. Paige is the child of people who spend more in one year to play tennis a few times a week than most people do getting fucking doctorates, which clears up a few things for me: one, I've never gotten those texts where she casually demands Morgan Wallen pay her back tens of thousands of dollars like it's $50, but I guess to her it is like $50, and two, why everything about Paige and how she acts towards people and money in this video is a million times more effective at radicalizing people on economic policy than anything Bernie Sanders has ever lain awake at night dreaming of.
  • Camera going in and out of focus during this explanation.
  • Ah she's doing it with her mom. Again. Heaven forbid Paige breathe without Nance.
  • Oh also she has to shoot an ad in the tennis dress, but she definitely likes and would go to play tennis anyway.
• More unboxing undisclosed adver- I mean PR.
  • I'm so serious, tthe flagrant wealth being thrown around in this video and the amount of free stuff a trust fund baby with absolutely no merits or skills whatsoever is getting because she has 300K followers on Instagram that she probably bought half of is like the best argument for socialism I have ever seen.
• .Paige gets dressed in the third outfit of the day to go to the dentist. The pants are pointedly too big on her so they don't stay up in the waist and create this weird enormous kangaroo pouch around her crotch. She pairs that with a toddler sized medium t-shirt for a football team she's probably never heard of, a choker that looks like something a boy band member in the early 2000's would wear but out of fake pearls, and cowboy boots. It's... the look sure is looking, let's just say that.
• Paige opines on how much she prefers to do vlogs at home, but don't worry, she won't stop doing travel vlogs for us! (Oh thank goodness, where would we be without the insights we get from them.) She feels like they add variety to her channel (what, no, we LOVE coming with you to the barn to watch you ride without a helmet over unsourced music! five times a vlog!). Sometimes she feels like there's this pressure to show us as much as she can, which explains why all we see in her travel vlogs is hotel room bathrooms, tennis matches, and the tops of various tabletops in restaurants. Anyway she feels like there's pressure because in reality she's there for Tommy. Which we KNOW, that's the entire PROBLEM, Paige. If you were HONEST about the fact that being a WAG on tour sucks and you don't get to actually see the places you're pretending to really go and immerse yourself in, we WOULD HAVE FEWER COMPLAINTS AND YOU'D FEEL LESS ANXIETY, the problem is that you have to keep compulsively lying about how cultured you are and how you really ~got a feel~ for the location. Just stop lying!!! Stop!!! Lying!!! Challenge!!!!! The anxiety you feel and the reason you have to monitor this subreddit comes from your CONSTANT LYING.
  • Ugh she would NEVER have gone to ROME if it weren't for Tommy. I think this is a ploy for authenticity but boy is it coming across as privileged.
    • I do think in her own Paige way though this entire monologue she has is about something I've noticed her talking around a lot - I think she's afraid if she stops travelling and being a WAG no one will care about her. I think she's terrified of doing what makes her happy, which is being home, hanging out with her mom, riding her horses, and spending her parents' money. But if she just let herself do the things she actually liked and stopped trying to always pretend to be cooler and more interesting than she is, no one would keep paying attention to her, because it's not like she has a sparkling personality or wit or unique point of view. Like I'm an interesting person to talk to, but if I tried to make a vlog of my life it would be pretty boring. I work a 9-5 M-F job and the most interesting part of my life is when I go to a concert or craft fair on the weekend or one of my neighbors goes out of town and I watch their cat. It's not riveting, but I also don't need to be doing fascinating things in order to be or feel like an interesting person. But people like Paige who need to always be travelling and going to events and flaunting how busy they are are often really sad and empty people. They're not doing any of the little mundane things that make people happy and spending time connecting with the people around them, they're just always moving around because they're afraid if they stop for five seconds, people will see that the only thing they have going for them is all that movement and travelling. I think Paige is constantly torn between the anxiety that comes with constant travel and isolation and putting herself on display and removing herself from the things that bring her a sense of calm and security, and the anxiety that if she allows herself to feel calm and secure, she'll lose the attention she craves. IDK seems like a thing she shouldn't keep indirectly admitting to in vlogs, seems to kind of undercut half of her material, but what do I know.
  • Also she really is going to positively contribute to Tommy and his life and career, ie: she needs to go home and feels comforted by home because that's where her mom and Amanda wait on her hand and foot and everything is about her, which she misses when she's with Tommy because when she's on tour with Tommy she has to accept that he's the center of attention and she's not.
  • Her home vlogs have been performing the best, like, significantly. Since she probably buys views and comments, this just means she likes them better and therefore buys more engagement for them.
  • Apparently her analytics are telling her that 30% of her views are coming from the "explore" feature, which she says is YouTube rewarding her for being consistent, and, uh. No. Not how that works.
    • I mean yes if you buy engagement it will put you in the algorithm more, but this is the time in the video where she accidentally self-owns. If you're an actual channel getting actual views from people who actually enjoy watching you, then VERY LITTLE of your viewership should be coming from the "explore" feature, MOST of it should be coming from subscribers or regular viewers or people who watch similar content. That's how the majority of people watch YouTube or find new videos to watch. But if fully a third of your viewers are coming from what's essentially a randomizer button, that pretty much confirms Paige is buying views and/or that a lot of viewers leave after a minute or two. Because if her content was good on its own, people would see it and subscribe, and then she wouldn't need to rely on the "explore" feature. But if she, as she says, is consistently getting a third of her viewership from that feature, than that means that a third of people are just randomly watching whatever YouTube puts in front of them and not engaging with her at all, meaning the ONLY POSSIBLE explanation is that she's essentially buying enough engagement to keep appearing on the explore page, but buying the opportunity to be put in front of people isn't actually getting her a larger audience because what she's serving them is a warmed-over turd.
  • Anyway Paige is counting on you not knowing the extreme basics and trusting that she "knows someone who used to work at YouTube who told her that's how the algorithm works"
    • Um if you don't know about social media - no one who works at YouTube or any social media company knows how their algorithm works unless they're the ones writing it, and if they do know, they're not going to tell you because that's extremely valuable, proprietary information and also there's like a lot of papers and NDAs and non-competes they'd be breaking if they did. They're telling you to upload consistently because it's good FOR THE MEDIA COMPANY. The company is trading in being a content hub, so they need people to consistently be uploading content, ie: raising the value of their site in a way they don't have to pay for. That's the entire business model of every. Single. Digital media platform. Heck, that's how most dating apps work too. The product is data. They want you to be giving them free product.
  • "I don't know, like I don't like doing things just for social media anymore?" HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
    • And a week later you spent a weekend attending influencer parties in the Hamptons for....... what exactly. The scintillating conversation?????
    • She's very quick to say that's not the case if she has to shoot an ad! Loves shooting ads! Please keep sending her free stuff!
    • God this is taking me multiple hours but at this point I've sunk too much time in and also am convinced this won't stay up for copyright issues, so I'm taking a break to like, stretch and clean the bathroom, anything to get me moving and listening to my own thoughts which are in complete sentences.
• I'm back after cleaning the bathroom. I've been at this so long that my sibling has shown up. But I only have ten minutes to go and I REFUSE TO GIVE UP. This whole completely unhinged and unintentionally revealing rant has approximately a trillion uses of the word "like" is from 21:00 to 26:00 and if you want to watch it you can. I probably should have transcribed it for a full AP Lit level analysis, but I'm tired. If we're lucky, when Paige tries to re-upload this with copyright-free music, she'll have kept that in there.
• Paige ordered a shed! She's so excited!
• The fence looks mildly less jacked up when they go back. Paige is brushing Louie constantly in this video. Fourth time I think we've seen her do this. I feel like there's a lot more to horse care than brushing them and she only shows us this part because it looks aesthetic and she doesn't do any of the actual hard or necessary parts like shoveling horse shit, but what do I know.
  • This sequence uses unsourced but definitely copyright song number three!
  • Fun fact: Paige is the same fake brown color as Louie's dappled neck. Aw, you know how pets eventually look like their owners? Cute.
  • Shout out to Paige's friend (perhaps Amanda? Olivia? Can't keep the preppy brunettes straight anymore) who actually wears a helmet riding.
• Next day, we open with a bit of this song (not sourced, copyright infringement number four, possibly more that at this point I no longer notice tbh). Paige puts on boots to go to the new shed and realizes the vlog is going to be so long because she's never done a whole week at a time before. Because I've made it this far, I'm the best. (Aw.)
  • Paige calls Tommy to wish him happy birthday and films it, which seems... odd. Especially since she doesn't film it in a way where he can see she's filming.
  • Paige gets tea for breakfast (nutritious) and a coffee for the guy at the barn we must have seen earlier. His name is Aaron. I could do some google sleuthing and find him probably, but I don't care. Paige met him going on trail rides at her old barn. Do middle aged men usually hang out at barns doing trail rides? Just scoping out young idiots with disposable income? The whole thing seems sus. Apparently he has like seven kids.
  • Paige never realized how expensive pre-made sheds were, but it's a local business that makes it by hand! I assume the local business is called Costco And Sons.
  • More uncredited The Shins plays as Paige only loads the shed with blankets and nothing heavy or unpicturesque.
  • Another Tractor Supply run, at this point they're who really should be sponsoring Paige
  • Paige goes to say goodbye to Louie and he HIDES FROM HER IN THE WOODS
    • Girl.
    • Oh my god no wonder he's mad at her, they've been staying somewhere WITHOUT A STRUCTURE. He's been sleeping OUTSIDE. It got into the 40's every night in New England last week!!!
• Out of focus Paige talking about how she had suuuuuch a long day "running errands". Olivia didn't get to join Paige on her little horse girl excursions because she had to be at the warehouse and onboarding a new DB employee. Anyway Paloma is in town now
  • Paige learns that apparently you're supposed to be washing veggies as she prepares things to grill. PAIGE HAS BEEN COOKING THIS WHOLE TIME NOT WASHING VEGGIES. I.......... I am going to need to be sedated after this.
• Paige exfoliates and puts on a definitely not sponsored face mask
  • She's wearing skiing pajamas. In case we forgot she was a skier. Did you know she was a skier????
    • PSYCH, these are from previous ads with PJ Place but actually she really likes these and this one ISN'T an ad she just loves the product so much
• Paige is doing her makeup! We're at the end stretch! I'm almost there!
  • She took a day off of vlogging to go see her grandparents, but immediately segues into her Ulta trip. Because of her stupid grandparents, she didn't get to go to the barn, frankly how can she survive in these conditions.
  • Dairy Boy phone case plug! She was soooo specific about what she likes in phone cases and definitely didn't just choose between Zazzle, Redbubble, or (insert other brand here)
    • It's a shitty thin cover that looks like it protects your phone from approximately nothing and should cost $10 but I estimate she'll sell it for at least $40
    • Of course because Paige was so super particular about the details and business-minded when it comes to quality it took a long time to make........phone cases.......
  • Tommy calls and says hi
  • Paige rambles about her day and makes coffee. Tommy sent her peonies because he's "so cute". We see the phone cases and they're weird and ugly. More "gifting" (undisclosed advertising) that came in the mail
• Paige makes pickled red onions, every time she does it she changes the recipe a little bit even though she totally has a recipe and isn't googling. She starts pickling carrots which she says are going to "go bad soon" (that takes like six months, how do carrots even go bad?) She also does it in a water glass which, good luck ever drinking from that again without it tasting like vinegar.
• And then with no warning, it cuts off. That took me three and a half hours. It's been a journey and I hate it. If there is ever a vlog this long, I'm doing it in segments across multiple days because I'm exhausted by this much wealth and inanity. Time to go touch grass, start dinner, wash my vegetables before I do so. You know. The little things.

Strap in, everyone, because we have a long road ahead of us. In addition to the NINE games between Top 25 teams, FOUR upsets happened. That's right, the Top 25 was below .500 in its entirety today. So let's see how they did it.
*****
#1 UCLA 90, #9 Syracuse 79. The key to beating a 2-3 zone is to shoot over it. Fortunately for the Bruins, they can.
Reggie Miller had 25 points and led an onslaught that included 13 three-pointers as the Bruins (10-0) took out the Orange (8-2) to maintain their winning streak, now at 47 games and counting.
"The shots were falling tonight," Miller said after the game. "We got what we wanted in terms of looks, and we got them to go in."
In addition to Miller's 5 three-pointers, Russell Westbrook had 3, Kiki Vandeweghe had 2, and Gail Goodrich, Kevin Love, and Jrue Holiday each had one. Syracuse, for their part, shot well, with Carmelo Anthony hitting six threes on his own to get to 22 total points, but it wasn't enough.
"They're #1 for a reason," Orange coach Jim Boeheim said.
#8 Michigan 68, #4 Duke 61. The Power Five have been cracked.
Michigan's defense held Duke to 29% shooting and Juwan Howard led the way with 16 points as the Wolverines (9-1) stunned the Blue Devils (8-2) before a court-storming crowd at Michigan Court.
"This is why you play the game," Howard said amidst a crowd of fans. "We shook up the world tonight. We wanted this one. You beat Duke, you've done good!"
Grant Hill led the Devils with 13 points, but the entire team struggled.
"We were cold tonight," Hill said. "Props to Michigan; their defense smothered us. Not much you can do."
#3 Kentucky 67, #2 North Carolina 64. Who do you call on when you have everyone? Someone's bound to be open, and such was the case here.
Louie Dampier found Devin Booker in the corner as time expired, and the Wildcats (9-1) stunned the Tar Heels (8-2) to send them to their second last-second defeat of the non-conference season.
"We ran a pick and roll off the ball to get [Michael] Jordan off of me and get me open," Booker said, recounting the final play. "Louie knew where I was, he got the pass off after driving for the double... everything just fell into place."
Both teams turned up the defense in this one. Dan Issel led Kentucky with 15 points, while Jordan led North Carolina with 13. Outside shooting was particularly hard to go by, as Booker's winner was only the fifth three-pointer of the game combined.
"We did almost everything right," Tar Heels coach Dean Smith said after the game. "Almost."
#5 Kansas 75, #14 Arizona 59. The top teams have shown anyone can step up at any time. Kansas proved it tonight.
Kirk Hinrich caught fire, getting 20 points with five three-pointers, as the Jayhawks (9-1) knocked off the Wildcats (7-3) to produce a potential future matchup with Kentucky.
"We've been seeing how other teams have done," Hinrich said. "It's important we keep winning. We want that last one seed when the dust settles."
Mike Bibby had 15 points, but also committed 8 turnovers as JoJo White's defense proved to be too much for him.
"I had a bad day," Bibby admitted. "This loss is on me."
Arkansas 90, #23 Iowa 83. Are they going to be ranked now? It's not certain what else has to be done.
Joe Johnson went off for 24 points and the full-court pressure held Fred Brown to 5 points as the Razorbacks (8-2) pulled off their second straight top-25 upset, this time knocking off the Hawkeyes (7-3).
"We're just going to keep playing the way we're capable of and we'll be in good shape," Johnson said. "We got off to a slow start, but now we're showing the world what we're capable of."
Don Nelson led the Hawkeyes with 18 points.
#12 Connecticut 92, #21 Alabama 80. A quick rise to the top by the Tide made people wonder if the SEC would have a wild race. Now, it looks like this Tide is receding.
Andre Drummond had 19 points and 15 rebounds to lead the Huskies (8-2) to a big road win over the Tide (7-3) that may solidify them as favorites in the Big East.
"We had an advantage inside, and we knew we could use it," Huskies coach Jim Calhoun said after the game. "We needed this win, you know? A chance to show the Big East still goes through us."
Alabama attempted to turn up the pace against the big men of Connecticut, but Kemba Walker and Ray Allen were able to break the press on offense. On defense, super sub Richard Hamilton helped slow down the opposition, getting 4 steals in the second half.
Latrell Sprewell led the Tide with 18 points.
#9 Notre Dame 67, #17 DePaul 65, OT. Most of the game was a battle inside. But it was outside shooting from a very unlikely source that won the game.
John Paxson hit two three-pointers late in overtime to lead the Fighting Irish (8-2) to an overtime victory over the Blue Demons (7-3).
"All of our players can contribute," coach Digger Phelps told reporters after the game. "We hear a lot about Adrian Dantley and Bill Laimbeer, but we're a team of stars. We feel we can beat anyone."
With the game tied at 58 nearing the end of regulation, George Mikan looked to have won the game with a hook shot. However, before he could shoot, he was whistled for a three-second violation. Paxson's heroics in overtime then meant the difference.
"I lost track of time," a dejected Mikan said in the locker room. "I'm sorry, Blue Demon fans."
#25 Illinois 66, #19 Georgetown 56. Illinois coach Lou Henson wanted to focus on defense as much as offense. It's safe to say his team was ready to respond.
A focused effort held Allen Iverson scoreless on the day as the Illini (8-2) stunned the Hoyas (7-3) in a defensive struggle with neither team able to get open shots most of the day.
"That's what I was hoping for," Henson said after the game. "We wanted to get our defensive strength before we faced teams like Ohio State, Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota... I think today we showed we can win ugly as well as win beautifully."
Derek Harper, who led all scorers with 17 points, was the primary responsibility, but Iverson found himself constantly double-teamed with Donnie Freeman and Deron Williams. While Iverson did wind up with 9 assists, the shutout clearly bothered him, as he picked up a late technical foul arguing a no-call.
"We need to work on getting Allen involved more," Hoyas coach John Thompson admitted. "You can't just win inside in this game."
Cincinnati 81, #18 LSU 60. Maybe the adjustment from the AAC to the Big XII will be easier than we were led to believe.
Oscar Robertson had a triple-double with 13 points, 11 rebounds, and 12 assists, while Jack Twyman had 21 points as the Bearcats (8-2) stunned everyone by trouncing the Tigers (7-3) in front of the Cats' home fans.
"That was an incredible win," Bearcats coach Ed Jucker said after the game. "They kept talking about their starting five, but today we showed you need a lot of depth to get anywhere. We got that depth and we got a chance to win it all. I hope Kansas is paying attention -- they're not sweeping us this season."
Defense also proved to be a big deal. Robertson and Nick Van Exel constantly switched off on Pete Maravich, holding the scoring machine to only 8 points on the day. Bob Pettit was able to take some advantage to score 17 points, but the Tigers had no help from the bench, as the Cats' bench outscored the Tigers' reserves 21-3.
"Gotta be more than the first five," center Shaquille O'Neal said after the game. "We can only do so much and if one of us is in trouble, we gotta get stepping up."
#15 Southern Cal 78, #16 Maryland 55. Don't sleep on the Trojans now. When they're going against teams in the second and third tier, they are deadly.
Bill Sharman led all scorers with 24 points as the Trojans (8-2) steamrolled the Terrapins (7-3) to make a statement about their goals for this season.
"We think we can steal a Final Four spot," coach Sam Barry said after the game. "Today proved we have the talent to do it. If the shots fall, we can beat anyone."
Gene Shue led the Terrapins with 13 points.
#6 Michigan State 61, #13 Texas 60. The Longhorns seem to be willing to live and die by Kevin Durant. The Spartans knew it when it mattered.
Draymond Green knocked away a pass intended for Durant on the final play of the game to preserve a victory for the Spartans (8-2) over the Longhorns (7-3) on the road in a critical matchup.
"We saw where they were going, we knew they had one big star and if we denied him, we didn't think anyone else could step up," Green said after the game. "I know how to beat Durant, we know how to win the game, and we're just that good."
Magic Johnson had 14 points and 7 assists to lead the Spartans. Durant, for his part, led all scorers with 21 points, but couldn't get the last two, as Avery Bradley's inbound was knocked away.
"Close isn't good enough in crunch time," Durant said to reporters.
NC State 74, #20 Minnesota 65. Last year, the Wolfpack were controversially sent to the NIT despite going 18-14 in the toughest schedule in the country. If they keep winning, they may take it out of the committee's hands when all is said and done.
JJ Hickson had 5 blocks of Kevin McHale on the day and David Thompson scored 20 as the Wolfpack (8-2) stunned the Golden Gophers (7-3) to pick up a road win.
"We deserve to be ranked, and we deserve to be in the [NIBL] tournament," Thompson said after the game. "We've said all year our goal is to be undeniable. If we qualify for selection, we're going to make sure they have to take us. That means winning a lot in non-con, and that's what we're doing."
With Thompson driving and causing collapses of the defense, the outside shooters also had their chances. Spud Webb and Tom Gugliotta hit three three-pointers each over the Gopher defense.
"This was a bad day," said McHale, who despite being blocked led the Gophers with 14 points.
Villanova 79, #24 UNLV 78. Villanova likes to play slower, while UNLV likes to speed it up. Villanova, it turned out, did just enough to keep the Rebels from getting the win.
Randy Foye had 20 points and Kyle Lowry blocked Ricky Sobers' last second putback attempt as the Wildcats (8-2) held off the Runnin' Rebels (6-4) to most likely knock the last mid-major out of the Top 25.
"Our backcourt carried this one," Villanova coach Jay Wright said after the game. "We wanted to show that Paul [Arizin] had backup, and that's what we were able to get. Everyone played their role, and we kept this team -- a very good offensive team -- to just enough to take the win.
On the final play, Sobers inbounded to leading scorer Shawn Marion (18 points). His three pointer was off the mark, and in the scramble, Sobers got the loose ball. He tried a quick shot to beat the horn, but Lowry was ready.
*****
HOW THE TOP 25 FARED

1. UCLA 90, 7. Syracuse 79
2. North Carolina 64, 3. Kentucky 67
3. Kentucky 67, 2. North Carolina 64
4. Duke 61, 8. Michigan 68
5. Kansas 75, 14. Arizona 59
6. Michigan State 61, 13. Texas 60
7. Syracuse 79, 1. UCLA 90
8. Michigan 68, 4. Duke 61
9. Notre Dame 67, 17. DePaul 65, OT
10. Indiana 83, Louisiana Tech 57
11. Ohio State 87, Saint John's 59
12. Connecticut 92, 21. Alabama 80
13. Texas 60, 6. Michigan State 61
14. Arizona 59, 5. Kansas 75
15. Southern Cal 78, 16. Maryland 55
16. Maryland 55, 15. Southern Cal 78
17. DePaul 65, 9. Notre Dame 67, OT
18. LSU 60, Cincinnati 81
19. Georgetown 56, 25. Illinois 66
20. Minnesota 65, NC State 74
21. Alabama 80, 12. Connecticut 92
22. Florida 63, California 60
23. Iowa 83, Arkansas 90
24. UNLV 78, Villanova 79
25. Illinois 66, 19. Georgetown 56

Main hub thread with the full 131 rankings
I’m not sure how many people know this, but South Florida is still one of the newest programs in football, having played their first season in 1997. They quickly moved up to Division 1 in 2000, and have enjoyed solid results until the program tanked under Charlie Strong and Jeff Scott recently.

Best Seasons and Highlights

1. 2007: 18. South Florida: 9-4 (21.403) 2. 2016: 18. South Florida: 11-2 (20.264) 3. 2002: 23. South Florida: 9-2 (18.097) 4. 2017: 27. South Florida: 11-2 (14.048) 5. 2006: 31. South Florida: 9-4 (11.641) 6. 2008: 41. South Florida: 8-5 (5.130) 7. 2009: 45. South Florida: 8-5 (3.687) 8. 2001: 44. South Florida: 8-3 (2.101) 9. 2010: 45. South Florida: 8-5 (1.096) 10. 2015: 56. South Florida: 8-5 (-0.167) 11. 2003: 53. South Florida: 7-4 (-2.213) 12. 2005: 44. South Florida: 6-6 (-2.247) 13. 2011: 71. South Florida: 5-7 (-11.987) 14. 2018: 86. South Florida: 7-6 (-16.665) 15. 2000: 73. South Florida: 7-4 (-19.194) 16. 2004: 88. South Florida: 4-7 (-30.918) 17. 2019: 106. South Florida: 4-8 (-32.112) 18. 2014: 100. South Florida: 4-8 (-33.728) 19. 2012: 102. South Florida: 3-9 (-37.577) 20. 2013: 110. South Florida: 2-10 (-48.131) 21. 2021: 121. South Florida: 2-10 (-50.018) 22. 2020: 126. South Florida: 1-8 (-50.872) 23. 2022: 130. South Florida: 1-11 (-59.645) Overall Score: 8403 (88th) 

• 142-135 record
• 0 conference titles
• 6-4 bowl record
• 2 consensus All-Americans
• 30 NFL players drafted

It’s actually pretty amazing that South Florida has a winning record in the FBS. They’ve gone just 8-37 over the last 4 years (134-98 if we don’t include them). Nearly 50% of their seasons have had 8 or more wins, and they produce about 3 NFL players every 2 years. Very solid program who’s having a rough patch, but could return to sleeping giant status soon. Notable NFL players include Jason Pierre-Paul, Marquez Valdes-Scantling, and Marlon Mack. Consensus All-Americans were DL George Selvie in 2007 and all-purpose Brian Battie in 2021, who returned 3 kicks for TDs, on just 20 returns.

Top 5 Seasons

Worst Season: 2022 (1-11 overall, 0-8 American)
Man, they’ve fallen far. On the bright side, they can’t fall much further than this. Head coach Jeff Scott was in his 3rd season, and ended up going just 4-26 in his (almost) 3 years with the Bulls. It wasn’t totally his fault, he had to clean up the mess Charlie Strong left behind, and while there were signs of improvements, but they weren’t winning close games, usually an indicator of poor coaching. USF lost 28-31 to #18 Florida, 24-28 to #24 Cincinnati, and 39-46 to #22 UCF, so it wasn’t like the Bulls were totally destitute. Former Baylor QB Gerry Bohanon, who led the Bears to a 12-2 record in 2021, started the first 7 games, throwing for 1070 yards 6 TD 6 INT with 386 rushing yards and 3 TD on 6.4 YPC. Backup Byrum Brown flashed potential, throwing for 5 TD 1 INT with 5.8 YPC on the ground. This team didn’t win a game against an FBS opponent, as they beat Howard 42-20. They were the 2nd worst defense in the nation giving up 41.2 PPG, but scored a respectable 28.0 PPG.
5. 2006 (9-4 overall, 4-3 Big East)
Remember QB Matt Grothe? That’s a throwback name. The freshman QB took over in 2006, in USF’s 2nd year in the Big East. USF played fine throughout the year, the season going about as expected after a 7-4 start. A game at #7 West Virginia to play Pat White and Steve Slaton seemed like a guaranteed loss, but at least USF was going bowling. On the contrary, the Bulls shut down the WVU spread offense, winning 24-19 in a huge upset. This would start a few years where the Bulls consistently terrorized West Virginia, beating them 3 times over the next 4 years. USF dominated the bowl as well, beating East Carolina 24-7. The season was an announcement that the Bulls were coming, with a young talented QB, plenty of potential being in a BCS AQ conference, and being located right in the middle of a recruiting hotbed. Grothe completed 64% of passes for 2576 yards 15 TD 14 INT, and ran for another 622 and 9 TD. The defense was very good as well, giving up just 16.9 PPG. Momentum was building for 2007.
4. 2017 (10-2 overall, 6-2 American)
When the Big East broke up in 2013, USF ended up in the American, a non-Power 5 conference. They made the most of it, at least initially. 2017 USF entered the year at #19, coming off an 11-2 year, and looked to compete for a New Years 6 bowl with new coach Charlie Strong. This team featured senior QB Quinton Flowers, arguably the most electric player in college football. But despite all the talent and expectations—the team’s performance on the field was underwhelming. They started 7-0, but only moved up 2 spots to #17 because of their play. In week 2 they were tied 17-17 with Stony Brook in the 4th quarter, and beat up on mostly weaker competition, with their toughest opponent having been Temple. They did get their first ever win over a Big Ten school though, beating Illinois 47-23. With a 34-28 win over Tulane, USF set the AP era record for most consecutive 30+ point games, with 24 straight, beating 2011-12 Oregon. Fast forward to the end of the season and USF was 9-1 and #22, facing #13 UCF in the War on I-4. Despite everyone overlooking USF (9.5 point underdogs), Quinton Flowers did EVERYTHING he could, throwing for 500+ yards and rushing for 100+ yards and 5 total TD. Still, UCF won 49-42 on a last minute kickoff return TD. USF still finished the year with a respectable 38-34 win over Texas Tech to finish 10-2 and #21 in the AP Poll.
Flowers threw for 2911 yards 25 TD 6 INT, with 1078 rushing yards and 11 TD on 5.5 YPC. He finished his career as USF’s all time leader in total yardage (11,796). There was talent around him as well—RBs Darius Tice and future NFLer D’Ernest Johnson split time, combining for 1739 rushing yards and 18 TD. Marquez Valdes-Scantling was the leading receiver with 879 receiving yards as well as 108 rushing yards.
3. 2002 (9-2 overall, Independent)
This was USF’s 2nd full year in the FBS, and they definitely came ready to play. They opened with 30+ point wins over both FAU and NIU. After getting blown out by Arkansas, they held #2 Oklahoma to just 239 yards in a 14-31 loss, maybe the Bulls’ most impressive defensive performance of the season. They wouldn’t lose a game afterwards, winning one-possession games against North Texas, Southern Miss, and Memphis. Despite a 9-2 record with wins over Urban Meyer’s 9-3 record Bowling Green, Sun Belt champion North Texas, and one of the top C-USA teams in Southern Miss, USF was not selected for a bowl because of their Independent status. Pretty insane, as I had them as the 23rd best team that year. QB Marquel Blackwell had a great senior season, throwing for 2590 yards 18 TD with just 3 INT, and ran for 5 more TD. The defense gave up just 18.5 PPG and featured future NFL players LB Kawika Mitchell (2nd round pick), DE Shurron Pierson (4th round), and DB J.R. Reed (4th round).
2. 2016 (11-2 overall, 7-1 American)
QB Quinton Flowers and coach Willie Taggart announced themselves to a national audience in 2016. Picked to win the AAC East, USF came in with offensive firepower, beating Syracuse 45-20 in week 3 and losing 35-55 to #13 Florida State a week later. An 11-2 season included wins over #22 Navy, 8-5 Memphis, and South Carolina in the bowl. USF had the best Group of 5 offense in the country, averaging 43.8 PPG with a stacked backfield of Flowers and RBs Marlon Mack and D’Ernest Johnson. Flowers won AAC POTY, throwing for 2812 yards 24 TD 7 INT, with 1530 rushing yards and 18 TD on 7.7 YPC!! Mack put up a 1st Team All-AAC season, rushing for 1187 yards and 15 TD on 6.8 YPC, while Johnson added 836 yards and 13 TD from scrimmage. Even the receiver room was stacked, with future NFL draft picks Rodney Adams and Marquez Valdes-Scantling. Taggart turned the great season into a job at Oregon, and the rest is history.
1. 2007 (9-4 overall, 4-3 Big East)
Every die-hard college football fan knows the 2007 Bulls. In just their 11th year of existence, they were #2 in the country. In fact, 5 of the 6 computers that made up the BCS ranking had USF at #1. So how did it happen? People thought USF would be good heading into 2007, but not this good. After beating Elon in week 1, they headed to Auburn to face the 17th-ranked Tigers. LB Ben Moffitt recalled the experience and how USF wasn’t perceived as a threat to fans: “It’s a weird experience. You ride the bus in, and they’re all waving at ya, and they’re all, ‘Good luck, good luck.’ I was like this is different, but OK.” Later in the night, down 20-23 in OT, QB Matt Grothe fired a game winning TD on 2nd and 9 to walk out of Jordan-Hare with one of the upsets of the season thus far. Now ranked #23, USF disposed of another Power 6 school in North Carolina, 37-10. That set up a home game against #5 West Virginia, with the Mountaineers looking to get revenge for last year on their way to a national title. Media members recall the crowd being so loud that night that the ground shook underneath their feet, in a 21-13 USF upset victory, to beat a top 10 Mountaineer team for the second straight season.
Suddenly, USF was thrust near the top with college football royalty, moving 12 spots up to #6. After spanking weaker opponents FAU and UCF, they had made it all the way to #2. In the country. A frusturating Thursday night game against Rutgers saw the Bulls squander a 7 point lead toward the end of the 1st half, and commit 10 penalties in a 27-30 loss. USF would fall off a cliff afterwards, losing consecutive games to UConn and Cincinnati to fall out of the Top 25. They finished strong though, averaging 48 PPG in their last 3 wins against Syracuse, Louisville, and Pitt to finish 9-3. There were rumors that the USF players were hungover for the Sun Bowl against Oregon, but the rumors turned out to be unfounded, the truth lying in the talent of first year Oregon OC Chip Kelly, who changed up his game plan to avoid USF Consensus All-American DE George Selvie. The Ducks won 56-21, and RB Jonathan Stewart ran for a Sun Bowl record 253 yards.
USF finished the year 9-4 and 4th place in the Big East. While they finished unranked in the AP Top 25, I had them at 18th for impressive wins over West Virginia and Auburn. Matt Grothe had another fine year, throwing for 2670 yards 14 TD 14 INT, with 872 rushing yards and 10 TD, and would go on to be USF’s all time total yardage leader. DE George Selvie put up a 1st Team All-American season with a whopping 14.5 sacks and 17 TFL. Overall, this was a pretty stacked team. 8 players were drafted, including 5 picks in the first 3 rounds.

5th Quarter

15 years after being ranked #2 in the nation, USF is now in a weaker conference, has gone 4-26 the previous 3 years, and rival UCF has been invited to the Big 12. Where did it all go wrong for USF? And do you remember some of their players such as Matt Grothe, BJ Daniels, and Quinton Flowers? What do you remember about that #2 ranked Bulls team and the 2007 season?
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Standings

Seed	Team	Overall	Regional
1	Indiana State Sycamores	42-15	0-0
2	Iowa Hawkeyes	42-14	0-0
3	North Carolina Tar Heels	35-22	0-0
4	Wright State Raiders	39-21	0-0

Bracket

Fɪʀꜱᴛ Rᴏᴜɴᴅ	Sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ Rᴏᴜɴᴅ	Fɪɴᴀʟꜱ
Fʀɪ 1:00ᴘᴍ
1 Indiana St	Sᴀᴛ
4 Wright St	TBD	Sᴜɴ
Fʀɪ 7:00ᴘᴍ	TBD	TBD
3 North Carolina		TBD
2 Iowa	Sᴜɴ ᴇ
Sᴀᴛ ᴇ	TBD	Mᴏɴ
TBD	TBD	ɪꜰ
TBD		ɴᴇᴄᴇꜱꜱᴀʀʏ

^ᴇ - elimination game
Winner to play champion of Fayetteville Regional
Site: Bob Warn Field
All times local. Times may be subject to change.

A new era is under way in Green Bay, and there's a lot to cover about this offseason. First, let's set the stage.
Key Signings:
KR Keisean Nixon- the return dynamo who renewed my will to live after watching Amari Rodgers play football. Signed again on a 1 year deal worth up to $4m. And he figures to have a larger role on defense this season. This was one of the biggest wishes for packer fans this offseason, as it finally shows a dedication to building the ST unit.
S Rudy Ford- he had himself a nice 2022 and got re-signed for his efforts. It's a one year deal, and he will compete for the starting safety spot as of now.
CB Corey Ballentine- a reserve CB who I will always have a soft spot for due to his tragic draft night story. Ballentine has been re-signed and will compete for snaps in an unsettled secondary.
S Dallin Leavitt- a Rich Bisaccia re-signing. Leavitt was a quiet killer last season as a special teams ace, and he returns in that role this season.
OT Yosh Nijman- a developmental prospect that has blossomed into an serviceable swing tackle, I thought Nijman would get more on the open market than his RFA tender price. He will be back with the Pack in a LT2 and RT2 role for 2023.
Key Departures:
DT Dean Lowry- Lowry gave the Pack his best and we appreciate him, but his ceiling was evident and achieved. Devonte Wyatt was drafted as a high upside replacement. Lowry signed with the Vikings on a 2 year deal.
WR Allen Lazard- Aaron Rodgers's latest security blanket, Lazard is rejoining Rodgers on a 4y, 44m deal with the New York Jets. A quiet, consistent performer for the Packers throughout his tenure, Lazard will continue to be a sure-handed possession receiver in New York, transforming the slot position previously occupied by Elijah Moore into more of a big slot. He will also continue to mug people in the run game.
TE Robert Tonyan- Bobby Tonyan heads south to Chicago to be TE2 behind Cole Kmet. Packer fans love Tonyan for bringing pride back to the position in GB, and I honestly feel bad for him. He likely missed on his chance for a big pay day after tearing his ACL in 2021 and having a down year coming back. Now he's pushing 30, but he still provides excellent hands for the position and a great work ethic. Godspeed, buddy.
DL Jarran Reed- the big man returns to Seattle this season on a 2 year deal. Reed was just about what we expected in Green Bay- not great, not bad. He was a placeholder in a spot that Wyatt hopefully can take over.
Free Agents yet to be signed:
WR Randall Cobb, S Adrian Amos, TE Marcedes Lewis, K Mason Crosby
All members of the old guard. Cobb recently had surgery, and is a contender to rejoin Rodgers in NY. Amos had a down year, but could still have some left in the tank. I'm guessing he has an offer from GB and is weighing his options. Lewis also could be weighing his options between retirement, the Jets, or sailing into the sunset where it all began for him in Jacksonville. Mason Crosbys wife seemed to confirm on social media recently that the Packers have little interest in re-signing their all time leading scorer. Crosby made some clutch kicks for us over the years, and if this is the end, the Silver Fox will never have to buy a beer in Titletown again.
2022 season review: Record: 8-9 Oh man. 2022 was the year it all came crashing down. Green Bay tried to keep its veteran core together for a few years, appeasing Rodgers and navigating the salary cap reasonably well. But they never achieved that brass ring. Minus Davante Adams and working with a broken thumb, Rodgers struggled the most he has since his inaugural season as a starter. It's now time to address Rodgers in this post; I could write an entire entry solely on Rodgers and this past season, but I'll leave it at this: Aaron is my favorite football player of all time. He led the Packers to their greatest stretch of sustained excellence since Vince Lombardi roamed the sidelines, often with depleted rosters around him. In my opinion, hes the most talented QB to play the game. It seems a majority of Packer fans were ready to move on from the man and soured on him this offseason. Personally, I think he will be an MVP contender in NY next year and still love him. But it was time. The Jordan Love era needs to happen, if only for the front office itself needing to justify their faith in the Love pick. Rodgers and the Packers were operating on different timelines the past few years, stuck somewhere between going all in and resetting. The front office has put all their chips in on Jordan Love.
The defense was expected to be a top 5 unit, but regressed heavily. Joe Barry was under scrutiny all year long, seemingly incapable of putting his plethora of first rounders in positions to succeed. A late season push did just enough to save his job (apparently).
Favorite win: Dallas Most frustrating loss: Detroit, week 18
Rodgers's exit also raises an interesting thought: will we see the True Matt LaFleur Offense this season? Offensive deficiencies have been blamed on Lafleur himself or Rodgers's hesitancy at transitioning from a traditional west coast offense to a Shanahan-esque, motion based attack. The answer will be uncovered this year, with Jordan Love having 3 years of experience in the scheme and a first round pedigree. As a Love truther in the pre draft season who hated the pick for the Packers, I am fascinated. This pick will make or break Gute's and Lafleur's tenure.
Aside from the quarterback situation, there are lingering questions concerning LaFleur's ability to lead the team in general. The Packers have consistently laid an egg in one game every season of his tenure and have come up short in the playoffs, with some head scratching decisions rearing their head in crunch time of big games (the end of the Bucs NFC championship the most glaring). I also have questions on his staff hirings/retentions. LaFleur hired 2 dogshit ST coordinators before making the obvious choice of Basaccia. He also chose to retain Joe Barry, noted football terrorist, as defensive coordinator. I've read rumblings that Gute has more say over the staff than the head coach, which is unconfirmed but concerning. I don't mean to dump on LaFleur in this piece, only to emphasize how big of a year this is for him. I think his scheme is sound and the guys play hard for him. With Rodgers gone, I think we see less RPOs and inside zone handoffs to AJ Dillon out of shotgun. The offense will have more identity. But if there are 2 more years without the playoffs in Green Bay, the Cheeseheads will advocate for a new coach.
2023 Draft:
Positions of need: S, TE, WR, DT
Round 1, Pick 13: Lukas Van Ness, Edge, Iowa With the world expecting Jaxon Smith-Njigba, Gute stuck true to his type and drafted athletic freak LVN out of Iowa. Van Ness profiles as a Rashan Gary clone, with a high RAS score and unrefined repertoire of pass rush moves. If he works out like Gary, this is a massive hit. In the pre draft process, the only guy who could have realistically been there for GB that I had above Van Ness was Peter Skoronski. He wasn't there, and there was no doubt in my mind Gute was going for LVN afterwards. He'll rotate with Gary and Preston Smith this year, and will kick inside on certain packages. He makes Smith expendable in the future.
Round 2, Pick 42: Luke Musgrave, TE, Oregon State Musgrave has the size and athleticism to be a game changer at tight end. His tape was short but encouraging. His biggest questions are durability and how he will develop, given his late breakout and immediate injury afterwards. My comparison to his playstyle was Travis Kelce, and if he can approach even 70% of Kelce's production in a season, this is a great pick. The biggest hole on the roster was TE, and I have a feeling Gute got the top one on his board.
Round 2, Pick 50: Jayden Reed, WR, Michigan State The process of this pick was nerve wracking. I was one of many fans pounding the table for Brian Branch, the S out of Alabama. When Gute traded down instead, I was telling friends I hoped he took Jayden Reed, and that's what happened. Reed is smaller receiver who plays bigger than his size on contested catches. He carried the Michigan State offense last year after Kenneth Walker jumped to the NFL. My comparison for him is Tyler Lockett. In Green Bay, Reed will take over the slot role, and I expect him to see around 60% of offensive snaps.
Round 3, Pick 78: Tucker Kraft, TE, South Dakota State Another tight end added to a barren room. The former Jackrabbit is similar to Musgrave in a lot of ways- big, athletic, and a willing albeit unrefined blocker. Kraft's addition along with Musgraves could push the Packers into more 22 personal this season, something LaFleur wants to run but hasnt had the personnel for, and I would not be surprised to see him outsnap Musgrave if he develops quickly. I'm really hoping this is the pick that breaks Green Bays 3rd round curse (seriously look it up its so bad).
Round 4, Pick 116: Colby Wooden, Edge, Auburn A former 4 star recruit at Auburn, Wooden collected 17 sacks as a 3 year starter in the SEC and showed inside/outside versatility. He shows an ability to rush with speed and power, but is inconsistent in his pad level and technique. He anchors well in the run game and showed great gap discipline. I don't see him getting many snaps this year, but if he does I think he takes Kingsley Engabare's role on run downs.
Round 5, Pick 149: Sean Clifford, QB, Penn State A perplexing pick until I saw this man somehow has a 9 RAS. Clifford is an experienced college starter who plays with a clear understanding of his role and a passion for the game. My issues with him were accuracy, arm strength, pocket presence, and decision making. You know, playing quarterback. I did not give Clifford a draftable grade and would have preferred Jaren Hall or Max Duggan. But this is really nit picking over a 5th round pick who was drafted to be a career backup. If the staff sees something in him, I'll give it a chance.
Round 5, Pick 159: Dontayvion Wicks, WR, Virginia A 6'1, 206 lb vertical threat, Wicks was inconsistent in his career at Virginia. If he replicated his 2021 production last year, he might have found himself as a day 2 pick. Alas, a new offense and drops led to his availability at this spot. Wicks has a good release package and the ability to stack DBs and get vertical. His tendencies as a body catcher led to drops last year, and he doesn't provide much after the catch. With his profile, he'll be a WR4/5, but could be a special teams ace very early in his career.
Round 6, Pick 179: Karl Brooks, DL, Bowling Green A bit of a tweener, Brooks is a high motor, high effort pass rusher. He flashes great technique and seems to rush with a plan. He can get washed out in the run game, and will need to commit one way or another to defensive end or defensive tackle. He graded very high from PFF, so that's something. To get on the field, he'll have to show more consistency and ability when anchoring down in the run game.
Round 6, Pick 207: Anders Carlson, K, Auburn Apparently, Mason Crosby's replacement. Anders is the brother of Las Vegas kicker Daniel Carlson, who's pretty damn good. There is a connection with Basaccia there, who's known Anders since high school. I wasn't encouraged by his stats at Auburn, but I'm not going to pretend to be an expert in scouting kickers. If Basaccia says he's that dude, then that dude he is.
Round 7, Pick 232: Carrington Valentine, CB, Kentucky Valentine is a WR convert with a long, slender frame. He is at his best in press man, where he has a variety of ways to get hands on the receiver and reroute him. Unfortunately for Vallentine, Joe Barry hates press man and will kill my family if I suggest it again. Valentine's frame can lead him to get bullied by bigger WRs at times, but he is physical at the catch point. He also brings experience as a productive kick returner, something that could be helpful in the future or even this season if the staff wants to keep Nixon fresh for defensive snaps.
Round 7, Pick 235: Lew Nichols, RB, Central Michigan A big back with some intriguing traits, Nichols enjoyed a very productive 2021 before injuries hampered his 2022. Nichols has good vision, contact balance, and power as a north-south runner. He was productive catching out of the backfield, but wasn't asked to run many routes beyond that. His biggest hurdles in the NFL are going to be elusiveness and speed. He lacks both, but should be a decent backup. For the Packers, they used their RB3 less than maybe any team in the league last year. This will be the Jones&Dillon show again in 2023.
Round 7, Pick 242: Anthony Johnson Jr, S, Iowa State Johnson Jr is a converted cornerback who plays with rare physicality for someone of that description. He did his best work in the box or in the slot at Iowa State, and that may be where the Pack will try to get him some snaps this year. He can be over aggressive in his pursuits at times and take bad angles, but that is coachable. Given the state of the safety room, the 7th round rookie may find himself starting some games this season.
Round 7, Pick 256: Grant DuBose, WR, Charlotte DuBose comes from UNC Charlotte, where there apparently is a football team, and he was 2nd team all C-USA last season. DuBose has excellent size at 6'2, and I love his agility on in-breaking routes crossing the face of safeties. He has experience both outside and in the slot, and is an interesting addition to the WR battle at the bottom of the roster, which is going to be highly competitive. It may come down to how good he can be on special teams. Coaches and teammates rave about his work ethic and love of football, and he worked at Walmart while keeping himself in shape during the Covid year. I'm optimistic he can carve out a role for himself and make the team.
Overall, Gutekunst drafted for need at times in this draft, but still stuck to picking guys that fit his type: big, athletic, and versatile. My biggest shock was not taking a safety until the 7th round, but I think it just never lined up with his board. There was an obvious effort to surround Love with talented pass catchers, which is a breath of fresh air from this team. I was surprised that they didn't take a single offensive linemen, given this is almost certainly Bakh's last year in the green and gold and question marks surrounding some of our young guys, but we drafted 3 linemen last year and the staff may have high hopes for Zach Tom to be the next left tackle. The franchise has earned the benefit of the doubt when it comes to scouting and developing OL.
All told, 2023 is the most excited I've been for a Packer season in a few years. There are so many unknown variables surrounding the team, from Jordan Loves development to LaFleur's offense to Joe Barry's pending glue eating scandal. Media pundits have them ranked somewhere between 20 & 26 in the league hierarchy heading into the year. Personally, I'm a little higher on the Pack, and they will shoot up these rankings if Jordan Love delivers. There's a lot on Love's shoulders. This is the season we've been waiting for with baited breath for 3 years, the post-Rodgers era, and now it's here, for better or worse.

Scott Campbell woke up on April 19 with a feeling of anticipation and a plan for potential disappointment.
A longtime officiator for college football and a retired San Jose firefighter, Campbell had heard rumors that the NFL was making calls that day to a lucky few being recruited as referees for the coming season.
Campbell carries himself with a sense of cool confidence and focus — traits that have surely helped him both while fighting fires and making tough calls on the gridiron — but he didn’t get his hopes up that his decadeslong dream was finally coming true.
https://www.mercurynews.com/2023/05/29/he-fought-fires-in-san-jose-then-came-a-long-awaited-call-from-the-nfl/

Okaaay, so we're still shaking after the game, and already shaking before next season. Time to wrap things up.
Let's start with the Ladies team, they finished 6th and deserve some recognition. I don't follow WSL much, so i'll help myself with BBC Sport Emma Sanders quote:
"Their form dipped in the final few months and they still lack consistency but given they were fighting relegation last year, this can be viewed as a very successful campaign and they have solid foundations to build on. "
Also worth noting, our Women's team played their last game away at City, were losing 3:0 but still managed to scare them by going 3:2, knowing these 3 points don't matter to our place in the table. Their lost their last game of the season but put up a fair fight.
U18:
First full season under Leighton Baines ended at 4th place in the Under-18 Premier League North.
“For our lads, the development comes before the winning,” he said. “The winning still has to matter because they’re getting older and closer to the real game. We create that environment on a Saturday as balanced as we can. We work on certain things during the week and we’re willing to practise them on the weekend, even if it may be to a detriment of the potential outcome.
“At the same time, the kids play football, and they want to win. We’re not trying to create an overly sanitised environment where they don’t know how to win and where they don’t know how to play under pressure. We find a balance of those two things. What I’ve been blessed with this year, is that the lads have built a really strong bond and team spirit. I think that’s been reflected in some of those comeback performances and the ability to dig in." - Leighton words on his first coaching season.
https://www.evertonfc.com/news/3340734/baines-reflects-on-impressive-maiden-year-as-a-coach
Since last report - Two draws against MU, draw against Newcastle, and a home win vs Stoke.
U19:
Also our u19 team played at Nawi Mumbai PL Next gen cup last two weeks, in which their ended third in their group and lost their playoff game to go further. Some games were played in 37'C heat.
U21:
Youngsters finished eight in the PL2 _ Division 1. What is more impressive, they managed to get to quarterfinals in the PL International Cup, beaten by the final winners PSV Eindhoven U21, and to 1/16 in both PL Cup and EFL Trophy(beaten by Senior Lincoln team). That was first Paul Tait season as U21 coach. Results went downwards after the january transfer window, when Tom Cannon went on loan, and Joe Anderson and Seb Quirk joined Sunderland and Accrington Stanley on permament transfers. Some words from the coach:
“It gave the boys a lot of confidence they could go on and play men’s football,” he explained. “The likes of Tom Cannon, Joe Anderson and Seb Quirk all got good moves
“Tom played against these experienced players in the Papa John’s and then went on to have a really successful loan spell at Preston North End.”
“It was a huge transition between January and March," he added. "Players went out and we needed replacements, but I felt we found our feet again towards the end of the season.
“It’s not easy for some of the Under-18s transitioning through. They can find the jump hard, but they’ve done well. We’ve had lads like Owen Barker, Halid Djankpata and Roman Dixon coming through and impressing.
“Roman joined us in the past few weeks and knows the level that is required now. It’s important for these players to experience it. Ishe Samuels-Smith has been with us since the start and has been brilliant, as have Katia Kouyate and Francis Okoronkwo.”
Since last loan report: Win and loss against Leicester, and Loss away vs Arsenal.
Loanees:
João Virgínia (SC Cambuur) - Last time on the bench - 21.04 - since then probably they were sure of the relegation and preferred their own players. Joao last game played was 21.01 and it was a bad one. Then he was benched, and changing of manager didn't help him either. Even when new first choice keeper made multiple blunders, manager kept with him. Contracted till 2024
Andre Gomes (Lille OSC) - He found his place and a manager that uses him well. Lille sits 4th which grants them Europe league, with one round to play next week. They have to win with already relegated Troyes, otherwise they might fall even to 6th. Andre Played 5 matches from the 7 Lille played since last report - 3 wins and 2 draw. One loss and win without Andre. To end it on a happy note, here are some highlights, with two goals as beautiful as Andre is. Recommended ! Contracted till 2024
https://youtu.be/MQMj43reBmM - Andre bangers!
Jarrad Branthwaite (PSV Eindhoven) - He's the hope for us, won the Cup, and ended second with PSV Eindhoven. After a rough start he became a natural starter. PSV would love to keep him, but they would have to break all the banks in Netherland. Contracted till 2025
Since last report: 7 games, all with Jarrad. 6 wins, 1 draw against Heerenveen, PSV last home game(That wasn't a great game by Jarrad, but that happens).
https://youtu.be/g3hrvYMxB4M - Cup Final with Jarrad OG. Keeping Ajax in check was never meant to be easy. Love his sprint around 1:25 to provide support though.
Niels Nkounkou (Saint-Etienne) - That's our Second French league hot cake, and definitely not a fullback. ASSE is 10th with one game to go, and still can finish form 12 to 6th. They were dancing with relegation zone when he came there. I wonder what comes next for this guy. 6 goals 7 assists since january.
https://youtu.be/u1F3QCWb9R8 - assist vs Guingamp
https://youtu.be/Rhso0dEBgnM - goal Vs Metz
Dele Alli (Beşiktaş JK) - Last involvement in football - 26.02 match against Antalayaspor. For more news visit Celebrities rumours section of some shady journo outlet. Contracted till 2024. Ughh
Jean-Philipe Gbamin (Trabzonspor) - At least he's still involved in football, played in 4th of 5 matches since the last report. Always subbed on in the last 20 minutes. Two rounds to go. No idea about what to do with guy, but at least he's on the field sometimes. Contracted till 2024
Thomas Cannon (Preston North End) - After a great spell, with a lot of goals scored, there comes a slump. From 5 last games, PNE lost 4, and drew 1. Tom scored one goal in this time, against Swansea, but it meant nothing in the end (4:2 loss). PNE buried the small chance it had of getting to playoffs and finished 12th. 8 goals and 1 assist since January. His contract is valid till 2025.
https://youtu.be/n785ACurXI0 - goal against Swansea
Lewis Dobbin (Derby County) - Derby really lost their way at the end and landed in 7th place. Dobbin always played the role of a fresh energy sub, but didn't get an goal or an assist since the end of february. This season numbers: 3 goals, 1 penalty won, 4 assists. + one goal in a EFL Trophy, and one assist in a cup. He has a contract till 2025.
Lewis Warrington (Fleetwood Town) - 2 Wins, 2 losses, one draw since last report, all with Lewis playing. In terms of game time per season - clear winner, he missed only a few games. As a midfielder playing under Scott Brown, he surely learned something. Only one assist to his name, but also no red cards and no errors, and he mostly plays as the last midfielder, screening defence. Fleetwood Town ended season in 13th place. He could find a loan in the championship next year. Contracted till 2024
Ryan Astley (Accrington Stanley) - Haven't played since february, kept out by injuries. When healthy, played all the games he could. Accrington Stanley are relegated to League Two now, but i can see them, or even some League One club wanting him to play if healthy. He's out of contract this summer. Seb Quirk joined him and penned a deal with AS this january.
Lewis Gibson (Bristol Rovers) - I'm happy to finally see this kid play some football without injury. When he showed his quality, he quickly became a starter for BR, playing as CB and occasionally as LB. They ended 17th(5 losses and 2 draws since last report), and could sign him permamently as he's out of contract this summer. Surely some League One club will go for him.
Tyler Onyango (Forest Green Rovers) - He had to fight for his place during the Burton Albion loan, and played not regularly under Dino. Then he(with Everton club) took a gamble and sent him to Forest Green Rovers, to play under Big Dunc he knew very well. No one could have predicted the injury that kept him out after playing just 3 games for the Green team. Fun fact - Burton Albion fought against relegation when he was there, and they ended 15th, but Forest Green Rovers ended being relegated from the last place. He's 20y.o. contracted till 2025.
Harry Tyrer (Chester) - The National League North Team of the Season 2022/23
"The Everton loanee has had quite the season down CH1. Recruited last summer on a season-long deal, Tyrer was quick to show his key attributes.
His dominance inside the box was clear for all to see, as was his remarkable shot stopping. His distribution isn’t bad either – that assist for Kurt Willoughby’s winner at home to Bradford (PA) springs to mind!
A fan favourite from day one, his signature dive into the Chester fans after away victories became a highlight on the road. A record of 21 clean sheets in his 55 appearances isn’t bad either.
Harry evidently has a bright future in the game and has been a credit to the Blues both on and off the pitch – he will always be fondly remembered at the Deva." - Chester FC
Chester sadly lost against Brackley 0:1 in the promotion playoffs.
Harry has contract with the club till 2025
Thank You guys. Sorry for being chaotic, but with the relegation battle going on i couldn't focus on doing these regularly. It's gonna be a hard next season, but i look forward to how our academy will look like next year as changes made under Thelwell should be more evident.

AMAZONIA
by Andrew Roller
Chapter One
It was a soft summer night. School would be out soon. His pickup was new and smelled new, and it made Susan more responsive. Her blonde hair trailed down over her face and onto his shoulders. They kissed. Crickets took up a new symphony in the long grass surrounding his pickup to celebrate the arrival of his hand, for the first time, within her tight jeans.
He felt the front of Susan’s panties. Strange, how there was nothing there, except soft folds of flesh. Susan had sweet perfume. Her lips worked harder against his.
Lifting his hand from within her jeans, he took hold of Susan’s head. She breathed a remorseful sigh. Did she want him back between her legs? Her lips seemed to beg for his return, but his mouth was pressed so tightly to hers that she couldn’t get any words out.
His fingers infiltrated the long, honey-hued strands of her hair. He felt her ear, her jaw. He seized Susan by her neck.
Susan gave a shriek as he lifted her by her neck and slammed her head into the windshield of his pickup. Her blood splattered brightly against his new, leather-like dashboard. He pulled back his fist, still gripping Susan by her neck, then slammed her head forward again.
The windshield cracked. It was safety glass and it splintered into a tightly-glued pattern of see-through jigsaw puzzle pieces. He rammed Susan’s blonde head into the jigsaw pattern. Again. Again. He broke through into the hot summer night beyond the glass.
A white glare burst through the windshield. It was made of neon bulbs. He held Susan’s lifeless neck in his hand, stared at the hole he’d made in the windshield. Then he let go of Susan. She fell unresponsively into the footwell of his truck’s cab, on the passenger side. Her 14-year-old feet, clad in sneakers, remained draped over his lap.
“My God, what have you done?” he heard from beyond the hole in his windshield. It was kind of a half-scream, this question, and instinctively he pushed himself up from the seat of his truck’s cab toward it. He groped at the broken windshield in front of him with his hands. He found he could bend it back where he’d made a hole in it. He pushed at the glass.
He climbed out of the cab through the hole in the front of the windshield. There was no dark summer night beyond the windshield, not even the hood of his shiny new truck existed beyond it. Instead, he was standing in a neon-lit laboratory. He stared at a white-coated technician.
“God, you’ve broken through,” the technician said to him.
“Are you... my father?” was all he could think to ask.
“Huh?” the technician replied. Then he gulped, once, and, seeming to understand his question, answered, “No. I just work here.”
He looked at the technician. The man was thin. His cheeks were gaunt. Sewn on his coat was a name badge. It read: “Pope”.
“Who are you?” he blurted. He began to feel a rage inside him. It was the same rage that had caused him to strike Susan’s head, so suddenly, against the windshield of his new truck, even as they kissed and she’d given him what he’d wished for from her for so long. Frantically he glanced back at the hole in the windshield of his cab, saw just shadows beyond, and wires, and some kind of a body, the person he’d once called “Susan”.
“You don’t know what you’ve done. You don’t know what it’s like. Out there... you had a good life...“ Pope said to him in a voice as frantic as he himself was feeling. His head turned from the broken windshield back to Pope. Strange, how the windshield was set into the wall of the lab behind him, was part of the wall! And he was standing on a floor, not on the hood of his new truck, as he should be. And there was no grass, no crickets. Had there ever been grass? Was it night, or day? Where was he? Who was he? A vision of a rat in a cage flitted through his mind. The rat bore his head, and he lived in a cage. Pope stood outside the cage, studying him.
And now he was free of the cage and could confront Pope directly. His hand swept briefly over his backside. No, he didn’t have a tail. And, seeing his reflection in the glass cover on a laboratory machine, he saw he was human, just like Pope was. In fact, he was several inches taller than Pope. And he was young, 15, with his Learner’s Permit in his pocket, letting him drive, and he felt strong.
Pope was going gray. He had spindly fingers and a thin neck.
“Who am I?” he blurted at Pope. “And who are you, if you aren’t my father?”
“I’m just... I just... they wanted to study a human in the wild. You had a good life. Sure, it was a six foot by six foot Emulsion Cage, but you didn’t have to ever know that. For you, it was Sedgeway, Iowa, and you were scheduled to have a normal life, right through to old age.” Pope seemed to choke on a sudden, ironic laugh. “I was working on your old age pension plan this morning. You’d have gotten it in the mail in 13 years.”
He stared at Pope. The lab technician stared back. It was just the two of them, in this brightly-lit laboratory room, with the broken windshield set into the far wall. He still regarded the man as some kind of father, despite the man’s denials.
“Thanks, I won’t be needing an age old pension plan,” he said, angrily. He wanted to grab the man by the neck but he felt somehow that the man was real, not like Susan, who wasn’t real, but only seemed real. Real humans could tell tales, tales that died when they did. He needed some tales right now. Any tales.
“Who am I? What’s my name... Pope?” he said furiously to the man.
“Huh?” Pope replied. The graying man seemed half-bewildered by having to confront, face to face, the “rat” he’d studied for so long. “No... Pope is my name. Not yours,” Pope finally managed to say as they stared at each other in the laboratory. “Yours is, well, ‘Cum-Andi’ is all it really is. Cum... sperm from the subject named Andi... that’s all you’re really known by. Plus a number.” Pope grinned. It was that wry, ironic grin that had made him utter a choking laugh a minute ago. “Do you want to know the number?” he asked.
“What’s the number?” Cum-Andi said.
“2A-95596E-2320541-3000,” Pope grinned. It was a Stephen King kind of grin, except Cum-Andi was beginning to wonder if there had ever been a Stephen King. There had, after all, never been any Susan.
“What’s that, my goddamn phone number?” Cum-Andi growled.
“No, dear boy. It’s you,” Pope replied. “It’s your identifying number and I suppose you’ll want to memorize it now, or not. The choice is yours. All choices are yours now. You had a nice life but now you’re here, aren’t you? And you can’t go home again. Because home was a six foot by six foot box that you knew as Sedgeway, Iowa, in the great United States of America at the end of the 20th century.”
Cum-Andi peered at Pope through a haze of rising anger. Who was this little man, and why was he grinning now? Pope straightened his posture and pressed his fingers to a Notebook-sized, computerized pad he was holding in his hands.
“Forgive me but I must call security,” Pope said. “You’ve escaped from your cage and we can’t have you running loose around the building. I’d get in serious trouble. I could be killed…”
Cum-Andi grabbed Pope and smashed him headfirst into a glass covering over a computer. Pope screamed. The computer sparked bits of firefly lightning and its dials dimmed. Blood ran down the face of the computer. Pope fell lifeless to the floor. His notebook fell clattering between his legs.
Bending over, Cum-Andi picked up the notebook. The fall from Pope’s hands had shattered its viewscreen. Yet Cum-Andi studied it, looked at the lettering written across its top: “Renno
Amazonia League, D.C.,” the lettering spelled out, quite distinctly, “Do Not Remove from Building”. Underneath that, in smaller lettering, was written a rationale. The computerized notepad wouldn’t work outside the building and, hence, there was no point in removing it from the building.
Cum-Andi dropped the notepad to the floor. It wasn’t working inside the building, any more. Then a chill ran down his spine. Was he like the notepad? Could he still “work” if he himself left the building?
Dashing through a door, Cum-Andi felt a sense of desperation. Who was he? Just a number? Just a rat in a cage? He left the brightly lit laboratory only to find himself in an equally brightly lit hallway. He wanted to jump up and smash the light overhead. He tried, but couldn’t quite touch it. Cum-Andi jumped again and still managed to fall just short of it.
“Damn!” Cum-Andi swore. He dashed down the hall. He saw a door set in the wall of the corridor. He grabbed the door’s knob and tore the door open. He wanted to wrench the door off its hinges but found he couldn’t.
Staring into the small dark room beyond, he felt a sudden flash of fear. He’d opened a door on a closet. The cage. Sedgeway, Iowa. His truck. Susan. His eyes scanned across a mop, a cleaning bucket, and, next to the bucket, he saw a head. It stared at him. It blinked.
“Let there be light,” the head said. It grinned up at Cum-Andi from a shelf. Wires trailed out of the bottom of its neck. It had no body.
“Who--?” Cum-Andi felt a deep chill. He was about to slam the door shut on the closet but couldn’t quite bear to because the head was grinning up at him in a casual, accepting way, despite repeatedly blinking its eyes at the sudden intrusion of light into its dark closet.
“I’m Stan, if you must know my name,” the head said to Cum-Andi. “Do you want to play?”
“No, I —“ Cum-Andi couldn’t think of anything to say. It was ridiculous. He’d been in Sedgeway, Iowa, kissing a girl he’d longed for, and now he was staring into a cleaning closet at a head with no body. Was he dreaming? He pinched himself. Nothing. No change. But he remembered dreaming before, and pinching himself in the dream to see if it was real, and being assured it was real because the pinch in his dream was a dream-pinch, not a real pinch, and so didn’t wake him.
“I’m a BabbleBot,” the head told Cum-Andi. “I can be male or female. Just get me the body you prefer, and we can play together.”
“No thanks,” Cum-Andi answered. He felt again the need to slam the closet door shut but the BabbleBot stared at him so benignly, he grabbed it instead.
Cum-Andi lifted the head so that it was level with his own.
“Who are you?” Cum-Andi asked.
The head smiled, seemed unoffended by having to restate its identity. “I’m Stan. I’m a BabbleBot. Get me a body and we can play. Male or female, your choice.”
Footsteps echoed in the hall. Cum-Andi shut the closet door. Then, thinking quickly, he opened it again. Steeling himself against the possibility of finding himself in a cage once more, clutching the head as proof of what he’d found outside Sedgeway, Iowa, he stepped into the cleaning closet. He pulled the door in behind him but left it ajar, lest he find himself locked into the closet.
“Ooooh, Post Office! I like games in the dark. I need a body, though,” the head said under the crook of Cum-Andi’s arm.
“Shhhh!” Cum-Andi told the head. Then, looking down at it in the near darkness of the cleaning closet, he asked, “Who am I?”
“Oh, I don’t know that game,” the head replied.
“Keep your voice down!” Cum-Andi scolded the head. “Whisper.”
“Okay,” the head answered. “Who am I?”
“Don’t be useless to me or I’ll kick your head in,” Cum-Andi warned the head. It seemed to understand that Cum-Andi was serious.
“Who are you? I don’t know. You haven’t told me your name yet. I’m Stan,” the head said to Cum-Andi.
Footsteps hurried past the door outside. Cum-Andi heard hissing. The noise, a conversation of hisses, died as whatever was outside the door hurried past.
“Sisguards,” the head whispered. “Have you been bad? They’ll take you to a Detention and Reeducation Center. You won’t like that. I lost my body there.”
Cum-Andi glared down at the head. It had whispered, though, and whatever was outside the door seemed to have passed by without hearing it.
“What are... Sssguards?” Cum-Andi asked.
“Sisguards?” the head replied. “My, my, you’ve never heard of them before? And you so big, how could you...?” the head paused. “You wouldn’t be a Wild One, would you?”
“A what?” Cum-Andi asked.
“Yes, you must be,” the head said to itself, still whispering, as Cum-Andi had ordered it to. “A human, from the look of you, one of the experimental ones grown in the wild. Why aren’t you in your cage?”
“You know about my... cage?” Cum-Andi paused. He still had trouble believing Sedgeway, Iowa, could really be nothing but a fictional illusion inside a six foot by six foot cage. Silently he assured himself he’d wake up at any moment and find himself in his own bed, at home, with no new truck bought for him by his dad for his birthday, and Susan still an unattainable love-object, a kind of 14-year-old Jenny McCarthy. Just like she’d always been, until she’d agreed to go riding with him in his brand-new truck this evening.
“You’ve broken out of your cage,” the head said. “My, my. We won’t have much time to play, then.”
Cum-Andi pushed open the closet door. He peered out. He clutched the head under his arm, not sure if he wanted it, but afraid to let it go just yet. It seemed to have more tales to tell him. And it didn’t seem as much of a threat as Pope had been. For one thing, it had no computerized notepad and, for that matter, no body. It had nothing but a mouth.
“Keep your voice down,” Cum-Andi said to the head under his arm.
“Sure,” the head agreed.
Cum-Andi glared up the hall, then in the other direction. All he could see was the hall’s neon-lit walls. They seemed to close him in on both sides, like a tube-shaped cage. He still felt like a rat.
“Which way? Where do I go?” Cum-Andi asked the head.
“To the bathroom?” the head answered. Cum-Andi glared at the head and it chuckled. “Sorry. A bit of levity, brighten your day, before we both wind up in Det Ed.”
“Det?” Cum-Andi asked, unable to finish because the head interrupted.
“Detention and Reeducation. They’ll get us both now, I’ll bet. I’ll lose my head,” the head answered. Its face broke into a self-pitying smile.
“Look, if you want a body, I’ll see what I can do,” Cum-Andi told the head under his arm. “But if you... if you joke around and fuck with me I’ll kick your head like a football down this hallway.”
“Sounds like a deal,” the head answered. It grinned up at Cum-Andi.
“Good,” Cum-Andi said. “Now who am I, who are you, and where the fuck are we? And how do I get out of this idiot dream I’m in?”
“Not a dream,” the head said. “You may be dreaming soon, and quite painfully, once the Sisguards get hold of you. You’re an escaped animal. Escaped from a cage. I’ll bet you came from right down the hall, hmmm? You don’t seem to have gotten very far from your cage, I’ll bet, considering how little you know. You’ll be back in your cage soon. If you haven’t polluted yourself too much with knowledge of the world outside your cage.” The head looked up at Cum-Andi, and seemed to evaluate him. “If you have polluted yourself, if you know too much, then they’ll kill you. Perhaps you’d best put me back in my closet and turn yourself in before
you know too much.”
“No!” Cum-Andi said. He looked frantically up and down the hallway. Then back at the head. “No, I’m not going back into any fucking cage,” he hissed at the head.
“It’s a nice life. You’ll get to live a full life,” the head replied. “You won’t know you’re in a cage once they’ve got you properly locked back into it. You’ll be... God knows, in Sedgeway, Iowa, if you’re one of that man’s subjects. What’s his name? The guy down the hall? Did you meet anyone besides me?” The head peered up at Cum-Andi from the crook of Cum-Andi’s arm.
“Pope?” Cum-Andi said.
“Yes! Pope! He used to have me sing to him on Friday afternoons,” the head said. “When he had to clean his lab.” The head peered at Cum-Andi closely. “You’re Pope’s subject, aren’t you? Raised in the wild. Or, rather, in a cage that you thought was a real place. Sedgeway, Iowa, right?”
“That’s right,” Cum-Andi answered.
“Pope promised me a body someday, if he could afford it, so I could clean his lab for him,” the head said. “A nice man.”
“Yeah,” Cum-Andi agreed. Something told him to keep his own hostility toward Pope under wraps. The head might not like hearing that Pope was dead.
Footsteps sounded once more in the hall. Cum-Andi jerked his head in the direction of the laboratory. There was a gentle curve to the hallway. It prevented him seeing all the way to the lab, but he guessed that whatever had passed by the hallway closet was on its way back.
Cum-Andi clapped his hand over the BabbleBot’s mouth. The head worked its jaw, futilely.
“Yeah,” Cum-Andi thought. “Blab that I’m here, fucking head. Turn me in and get a body for yourself. No way.” Mewling sounds escaped from between Cum-Andi’s clamping fingers. He pressed them more tightly to the head’s mouth.
Cum-Andi turned and ran. He was wearing sneakers. They muffled his footfalls as he ran down the hall. He was glad he hadn’t taken his Dad’s advice and worn hard-soled shoes for his date with Susan.
Cum-Andi felt a freezing sensation in the pit of his stomach. That father, that man he’d called “Dad,” hadn’t been real. Unless this was just some crazy dream he was in. That meant his mother wasn’t real either. Or his kid sister.
Bethany! Six, going on seven, just old enough to read Dr. Seuss by herself. She’d gotten lost at the Mall last weekend and Mom had gone nuts. Now, it turned out she was lost forever, or, rather, never born. Cum-Andi would have stopped, perhaps even cried, but he could hear footfalls behind him and they were numerous. They, whoever “they” were, had heard him running, despite his sneakers.
This had to be a dream. In dreams, you always wound up being chased. Cum-Andi was torn between stopping, turning around, and confronting whatever was after him. At the same time, he kept his hand over the BabbleBot’s mouth. It kept working its jaw. Cum-Andi adjusted his fingers. The head seemed to be trying to bite one of them.
“Now would be a good time to find a rabbit hole,” Cum-Andi muttered to himself, remembering a book he’d read to Bethany a few days ago, after school. She’d insisted. It had been the only way he could keep her from putting a mud-pie in the oven. And keep her from telling Mom about the pot she’d found sneaking around in his bedroom.
Cum-Andi stared at the floor. It looked solid. He jumped, once, to test it. Hey, this was a dream, right? He’d probably sink right into it.
The floor held.
“There’s the animal!” Cum-Andi heard behind him. Cum-Andi whirled about. Something burned into his arm. He screamed. If it had been his right arm, he’d have dropped the head onto the floor. But it was his left, and in his left hand he held nothing.
Cum-Andi felt tears well up in the corners of his eyes. If this was a dream, it was a damn painful one! His arm felt like it was on fire. Cum-Andi would have looked down at his arm but he couldn’t take his eyes off the creatures who were coming toward him. They resembled lizards! Lizards without tails!
They had long hair, like Susan. One lizard was blonde, two were brunettes. A brunettes had her hair pulled back into a tight, Puritan-like bun. The other two lizards let their hair flow freely down over their shoulders. The lizards had slitted yellow eyes. They seemed to be wearing blue body armor. It consisted of a blue helmet, with a Sheriff-like gold star on its front. A blue armored vest was fitted over each lizard’s torso. The lizards, underneath their vests, seemed to have bosoms. Some of the lizards were more amply endowed in their chests than others. Their arms were bare, but covered with what appeared to be small, mesh-like scales. Their legs were covered with the same cloth, or was it bare skin? Cum-Andi couldn’t decide. Most amazingly, except for one other feature, the creatures wore no pants. Cum-Andi could see what appeared to be pubic hair where the legs of each creature joined.
It was the faces, though, of the lizards that most riveted Cum-Andi. They were crocodile faces. Every lizard had a long, protuberant snout. The snout of each lizard was graced, hideously, by long, glittering fangs.
Each lizard had long claws growing from her hands. Her fangs and claws seemed to match. In fact, they did match, Cum-Andi noticed, for each lizard seemed to have chosen her own personal color to paint her fangs and her claws with.
Almost involuntarily, Cum-Andi glanced at the lizards’ feet. Yes! Protruding from what could only be described as open-toed, sandal-like boots, each lizard had claw-like toes. They had colored their toes’ claws to match their fingers’ claws and their fangs. One lizard had pink fangs, pink finger claws, pink toe claws. Another had chosen yellow as her color. A third lizard had chosen garish purple.
“Is it a Man?” Cum-Andi heard one of the lizards ask another. They hurried toward him.
“Yes. One of the specially-grown, primitive men, created for study purposes,” one of the lizards dashing toward Cum-Andi replied.
“It’s a plot! Pope cloned himself! Now he’s released his creation on us,” one of the lizards cried. The lizard who led the pack seconded this. She said:
“Kill it! Pope was wise to commit suicide. We must not be unwise and let this animal run loose, spreading his diseases among us!”
Cum-Andi watched as one of the lizards rushing at him raised what looked like a gun. Cum-Andi remembered his left arm. It still burned, badly, like a sunburn laid on with a vengeance by a too-long day at the beach.
“Don’t! You’ll kill the BabbleBot!” Cum-Andi cried. He raised up the head to block the inevitable blast of the gun aimed at him.
“He’s an animal! An escaped animal!” the BabbleBot screamed at the approaching lizards. Cum-Andi’s hand had come off the Bot’s mouth as he raised the head to protect himself.
“No!” one of the blue-armored lizards shouted. With apparent sympathy for Stan, she knocked her mate’s gun aside. The blast meant for Cum-Andi went off anyway. However, it went awry. A hole was blown into the wall to Cum-Andi’s right. Shards of it cut into Cum-Andi’s right side.
“Owwww! God!” Cum-Andi yelled. This dream was getting too painful to bear. He turned. He ran. Behind him he heard contentious yelling, as if the lizards had turned on one another.
Cum-Andi tucked the BabbleBot back under his arm so he wouldn’t drop it as he ran. Then he remembered how the head had betrayed him. Cum-Andi lifted the head. He glared at it. He kept running, though, for he could hear the lizards somewhere behind him, still shouting at one another.
“Hi. Exercise is good for you,” the head said with forced nonchalance.
“Where I come from, we play football,” Cum-Andi panted. “If you want to find out what it’s like to be a live football, betray me again.”
“You were using me to block the gun,” the head answered. “I only betrayed you after you betrayed me.”
“Yeah, sure,” Cum-Andi said. He didn’t believe the head had only been getting a just revenge. The head had yelled the minute it could, and it had been trying to talk, or shout, the whole time he’d had his hand clamped over its mouth. “Tell me how to get the fuck out of this dream. NOW!”
The head looked up. “Air conditioning is a wonderful invention,” the head replied.
Cum-Andi looked up. He slowed his pace. He scanned the ceiling. Of course! Air ducts were spaced at regular intervals in the ceiling. If he could pry off a duct’s cover, assuming he could reach it, he might... Yes! He might be able to get up into an air duct!
“You’ll need to jump high, or find something to stand on,” the head said.
Cum-Andi looked along the hall. He saw a door. He rushed to it, turned the knob. It was locked.
Cum-Andi ran on. He came to another door. It too was locked. Then, running on, he came to a hallway that cut across the one he’d been running through.
Rounding the hall’s corner, Cum-Andi found himself staring at a lizard like the ones he’d been running from. But this one had her hair pinned up in a loosely-tied scarf. She was mopping the floor. Cum-Andi scanned her figure for a weapon but saw none.
“Eeeeyah! An animal!” the lizard screamed. She raised her mop at Cum-Andi. She swung it at him, hard. It connected with his chest and sent him sprawling. Cum-Andi landed on his back. He dropped the head as he did.
“Yow!” the head cried. It went clattering across the floor.
Without thinking, Cum-Andi leapt to his feet. He attacked the lizard with the mop. He managed to wrench the mop from her hands. He began to beat the lizard. Viciously, without remorse. The lizard responded, kicking him in the groin. Cum-Andi suppressed a scream, somehow, and beat the lizard even more violently.
Cum-Andi found himself standing over the lizard. It lay at his feet. Blood gushed from its head and mouth. Cum-Andi reached down between his legs and gingerly massaged his crotch.
“Nice work. It’s dead,” the head called from across the hall.
“Now what?” Cum-Andi asked. He felt slightly disoriented by the kick he’d received in his groin.
“Her cleaning cart, idiot. Get up on her cart,” the head said. “And don’t forget me. I doubt they’ll let me off, much less give me a body, now that you’ve killed one of them. They’ll figure I’m polluted, just by having seen one of them killed. By a man. A primitive man. They wouldn’t want me talking.”
“Hmmm, I guess we’re partners in crime, then,” Cum-Andi said. He turned to the head. He walked over to it, his gait slightly awkward from the kick he’d received in his groin. “Good. You won’t be screaming about me any more.”
“Yeah,” the BabbleBot agreed. Cum-Andi scooped up the head from the floor. He looked at it. It had a dent in its forehead but otherwise it seemed just as it had been before.
Cum-Andi heard the blue-armored lizards somewhere around the corner and down the hall. They were running toward him.
I’m getting sick of this,” Cum-Andi said suddenly. He was gripped with a desire to stand his ground, to confront the lizards. He’d end this stupid dream and wake up in his own bed and--
“Look at me,” the head said in a strange, low voice. It might have been a furious voice but the head was just a head, and it seemed silly for a head with no body to be angry with him. Still, Cum-Andi obeyed the head. He looked down at it.
The head glared up at him. “Everything you ever knew is over,” the head said. “This isn’t some dream, like you wish it would be. Your past life is over. It never existed, except in your head, in your cage.” The head said the word “cage” vengefully. “You can’t smoke pot to get out of this one, or listen to Nirvana. This is real. Real life. And they’ll make you pay for killing one of them. They’re wymen, after all. Twenty-fifth century wymen. You’re a throwback. A primitive man from an earlier era. You’re not supposed to be alive, except in your cage, and then only so you can be studied.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Cum-Andi replied. And he wished he could get that name out of his head. He wasn’t Cum-Andi. He was George. George, named after George Washington, George Harrison Smith. He lived in Sedgeway, Iowa, and he had two parents, two parents who hadn’t gotten divorced, like most of his friends’ parents. And he had a 6-year-old sister, almost seven, who had just learned to read Dr. Seuss books on her own.
Cum-Andi winced at the pain in his left arm. At the shards of broken hallway in his right side. At the throbbing in his groin where earlier in the evening he’d been feeling a welcome tightness, in his briefs, as Susan proved remarkably responsive to his kisses.
Susan! He’d bashed her head into his windshield. That’s how all this had started. He’d felt, somehow, a need... a sensation that he was boxed in, inside his brand-new pickup, that he was being studied, watched, observed, and...
He’d killed Susan. Cum-Andi felt it in his gut and knew it was true. Yet Susan never had existed! Pope had said he was living in... what was it? An Emulsion Cage.
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