Skagit breaking facebook

I've made some terrible, terrible mistakes in my life. Not in the sense of "break the law and go to jail", but more in how I've managed my personal relationships, friendships, work life, emotions and studies.
My personal life is a disaster. A minefield of broken friendships and loss. I'm so bad at relationships that many (too many) have resulted in me being blocked, and completely cut out of their lives, after things went wrong along the way (again, nothing too terrible. But communication failure, and being too selfish, probably best describes it).
I've also ghosted a lot of friends. Never someone I was actually in a relationship with, and almost never intentionally. But I suck at staying in touch. I suck at maintaining those connections. I suck at "keeping up" with everyone else's lives, and with maintaining the balance between being the friend they need, and not overwhelming them.
I honestly believe that I don't have any true friends left. Certainly no one "close". No one that I can "open up" too. Even the friends that I thought would always stick around, through thick and thin? Well, they never did.
I've screwed up Uni, and dropped out, multiple times. Multiple campuses. Two entirely different institutions. My relationship with my profs, and my supervisors, is so bad, now, that none will even write me a reference. I genuinely... Am so terrified of the idea of "going back", and facing them again, after the (again, communication) mistakes I have made, there, that I would probably rather die, than potentially deal with it in a month's time. Seriously. It is that bad...
I've burned so many bridges. I've lost so many opportunities. I've screwed up my life so much. I just... I just don't think I can keep going.
The pain, the shame, and the overwhelming regret, plus the guilt - it's all... It's all too much.
I've never been "successful", even to the extent of what is considered "normal". I've never had the finances to even live a "normal" life. I've never even found a long-term job. Everything paid I've ever done has only lasted six months, at most. I just... Can't keep going.
This year is the 10-year anniversary of a time I spent in India, working as a volunteer English teacher. I've lost contact with all my colleagues. Most of them won't even talk to me anymore. I've also lost contact with my former students, and the people who "mentored" me in my work there. I hate Facebook, so I tried email and phone. Nothing even went through. :-(
But you know what I feel most guilty about? There was a (stray, but friendly) dog who I met, and looked after, while I was there. I left him in the care of the school I worked at, because there wasn't really much else I could do.
But I never got to go back. I never got to see him again. Because I lost touch with all the humans, soon after I came back to Australia, I don't even know what happened to him.
Other volunteer teachers, from the year before I went, managed to rescue the dogs that they befriended. But I wasn't even mature or stable or financially independent enough to do that.
The regret from that honestly eats me alive, all the time. And that's just one thing, in a life full of those regrets, and that guilt. :'-(

53: transphobic techno 52: we like them girls 52: puppet break up 51: fight for your right 50: dookie fresh 49: gentlemen ballad: I’m a ho 48: zombie love song 47: verified 46: [email protected] I’m ugly 45: eff this job 44: date myself 43: somebody that I used to know 42: mr.Douchbag 41: the unofficial Smithers live song 40: orphan tears pt.3 39: text me back 38: just a friend 37: my balls 36: friend zone 35: 8-bit world 34: booty store 33: club villain 32: orphan tears pt.2 31: rich people $hit 30: bartender song 29: alien 28: love the way you lie 27: she looks like s3x 26: nerd rage 25: white boy wasted 24: take over the world 23: complicated 22: robot bar fight 21: fight to win 20: epileptic techno 19: the stereotypes song 18: sh!tty G 17: uno reverse 16: whip your kids 15: everyone clapped 14: brain rave 13: bottles of beer 12: boom headshot 11: grandmas got a facebook 10: stalking your mom 9: jump around 8: tig ol bitties 7: high voltage 6: Jupiter 5: this is why I’m single 4: Santa hates poor kids 3: road rage 2: alien (unplugged) 1: orphan tears pt.1

My boyfriend (27m) and I (23f) have been dating for a little over a year now. For a while we played with the idea of having a threesome. A few weeks ago a random girl (26f) reached out to me on Facebook and she lived close so we became friends. She asked if I ever had a threesome before and I said no but have considered it. She offered and I talked to my boyfriend about it and he wasn’t sure at first but accepted.
The first time we did it I remembered feeling a little off. They just seemed really comfortable around each other already but I brushed it off. A few days later she offered to do it again, and that time felt weirder. He kept asking to watch me eat her out and holding my head into her and he just felt more into her than into me or like I was the third wheel.
She asked again and that time I declined. I told her I was feeling a little uncomfortable about it and she got kinda defensive. I snooped through my boyfriends phone the other night and found out he’s been cheating on me with her for months now.
I confronted both of them about it. My boyfriend has been apologizing profusely. He want to cut her out of his life and work on things with me. Apparently he didn’t want her reaching out to me at all and she was the one who decided to message me and try to be friends. He was going to tell me the truth about everything until I offered the threesome. He wants to work on things with me but I think I am going to leave still. I don’t think we’ll be able to repair it at this point.
When I confronted her about it she got really mean and nasty towards me. She told me that I was a bad girlfriend and that she’s prettier than I am and that’s why my boyfriend wanted her instead. And that she only messaged me to see how stupid I was and how much she could belittle me before I caught on. She has since been harassing me by sending pictures and videos (that I didn’t know were taken) from our threesome. I’ve blocked her on Facebook and her phone number but she keeps texting me from new numbers. The pictures and messages have been coming in all day nonstop. I can’t catch a break from her. I was deleting all the messages originally because they are extremely vulgar and reading some of them and seeing all of the pictures and videos was actually making me physically sick but Im going to start saving them in case I decide to go to police for harassment. Im not sure if that’s something I really want to do because Im actually so embarrassed about it and I don’t want to have to go over everything in detail with officers. I mentioned going to the police to her and she kind of taunted me about it and now I’m not really sure but if it doesn’t stop I’m going to have to.
I just feel really defeated and humiliated and I have no idea how to make her stop or what to do now.

Pretty long so skip to the end for a summary........Yall know the meme where it's like you fake sick for school and the day you not there a celebrity comes to your school?. Never in a million years would I have thought this would happen to me but it did. Well not exactly.
Basically I been going to this school for 7 years for elementary middle and high school we have never had someone special come. So my mom told me 2 months ago we are going to move to ohio and we did a month later. They had a small class going away party for me it was fun. Anyway the week after I left for ohio my class had 3 field trips back to back 4 technically for the week before. Mind you we are in 9th grade so we don't keep field trips like that so the fact the week I leave they decide to have 3 surprise field trips is beyond me. But I gotten over it
Fast forward to today I'm scrolling through my schools facebook(they don't have instagram) checking to see if I see pictures of my friends they had a high school prom for 9th through 12th. As sad as I was to see my friends their I was ok. UNTIL I SCROLL MORE DOWN AND I SEE THAT 2 WEEKS AGO YOUNG DYLAN CAME TO THE SCHOOL. Young freaking Dylan came to the school which I just left. I literally left fir a month 2 weeks if you don't count spring break. And on top of that MY FRIEND GOT A AUTOGRAPH FROM HIM. Do you know how mad I am rn. That was the boiling point smh. I can't belive my school did this
SUMMARY: I moved to ohio from my school I went got 7 years the week I left they had 4 surprise field trips then 2 weeks after young dylan came to the school and my friend got to Meet him and 1 of them got a autograph

<
Friday, May 28, 2010

• Adnan could have filed for post conviction relief at any time during these past seven years, and did not have to wait ten years. Rabia lied about that.
  
• According to Rabia, Justin Brown has decided not to subpoena Asia, given her reaction when approached by the PI.
  
• Attoney Justin Brown files for Post Conviction Relief citing "Ineffective Assistance of Counsel" aka "IAC." This filing contains the first appearance of Asia's letters in the record.
  
• Syed asks for new trial, claiming trial counsel (Gutierrez), and appellate counsel (Warren Brown) were ineffective:
  
  • 1) Gutierrez failed to establish a timeline disproving State's case
  • 2) Gutierrez failed to investigate alibi witness (Asia)
  • 3) Gutierrez failed to move for new trial based on Asia's statements
  • 4) Gutierrez failed to cross-examine Debbie
  • 5) Gutierrez failed to pursue a plea offer
  • 6) Gutierrez failed to request a change of venue
  • 7) Gutierrez failed to investigate Jay
  • 8) In Adnan's appeal brief, Warren Brown failed to include the fact that Waranowitz strayed from his area of expertise, at trial.
  • 9) Cumulative Ineffective Assistance of counsel.
  • [Four years later, on October 18, and November 18, 2014, Rabia lied to the readers of her blog, writing that Adnan was forced to wait ten years to file for post conviction relief. The truth is the defendant has ten years from the date of conviction to file, but cannot file AFTER 10 years. In her book, Rabia wrote that she and Adnan knew all along that Adnan could file for post conviction relief the day after his appeal was denied in 2003]
  • [Rabia also lies about how a 2013 google search led her to Sarah Koenig's coverage of Gutierrez' disbarment. Adnan's May 2010 filing for post conviction relief discusses Sarah Koenig's reporting. This is how Rabia would have become aware of Koenig.]

Sunday, June 27, 2010

• Adnan has been at Cumberland / Supermax for one year.

June 27, 2010

• Justin Brown files a Supplement to Adnan's May 28, 2010 Petition for Post Conviction Relief. Cites a 10th point for PCR.
  
  • 10) Sentencing counsel, Charles Dorsey, failed to request that the motion for sentence modification be held in abeyance.

  After Syed fired Gutierrez, he was represented by a public defender, Charles Dorsey. Mr. Dorsey filed a Motion for Modification of Sentence. Mr. Syed had just received a sentence of life plus 30 years. Rather than ask the Court to hold that motion in advance and raise it after, up to ten years, which is the common practice when a defendant receives a very long sentence, Mr. Dorsey didn't do that. The court ended up ruling on the Motion for Modification a couple of days after it was filed. And, of course, the motion was denied. So that's our third, ineffective assistance of counsel claim. That he should have handled that differently. - The supplement also included further points Justin Brown wanted to make about Gutierrez's failure to ask for a pleas deal.
  

No copies of this supplement exist on the internet.
July 27, 2010

• State of Maryland Department of Public Safety and Correctional Services announces that Fewer Cell Phones Finding Their Way into State Prisons

Summer 2010

• According to transcripts, Justin Brown attempts to subpoena Asia. (This could be the reason for one of the postponements.)

Friday, October 15, 2010

• Hae Min Lee 30th birthday

November 29, 2010

• Motions Hearing. The State Requests the defense file. Transcript Excerpt.

Friday, December 20, 2010

• PCR Hearing scheduled, but postponed. First postponement.

February 28, 2011

• Adnan has been in jail/prison for twelve years.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

• Adnan's 30th Birthday

June, 2011

• Dale Sides's blog

Thursday, June 9, 2011

• Adnan receives Certificate of Achievement at North Branch Correctional.
  
• Adnan has been at Cumberland / Supermax for two years.
  

Monday, August 8, 2011

• PCR Hearing scheduled, but postponed. Second postponement.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

• Adnan moves to disqualify Kathleen Murphy as counsel for the state.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

• Hae Min Lee 31st birthday

Thursday, October 20, 2011

• PCR Hearing scheduled, but postponed. Third postponement.

November 27, 2011

• Thiru Vignarajah joins Baltimore City State's Attorney's Office

January, 2012

• Rabia founds the "Safe Nation Collaborative." Unfortunately, law enforcement has never heard of it.

Monday, February 6, 2012

• PCR Hearing scheduled, but postponed. Fourth postponement.
  
• Adnan's motion to disqualify Kathleen Murphy is denied.
  
• Murphy says she first spoke to Urick about testifying at the PCR in February 2012
  

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

• PCR Hearing scheduled, but postponed. Fifth postponement.

February 28, 2012

• Adnan has been in jail/prison for thirteen years.

March 21, 2012

• Supreme Court Decisions [Lafler & Frye] re; Defense Attorney's obligation to seek plea deal

Monday, May 21, 2012

• Adnan's 31st Birthday

Friday, June 15, 2012

• Michael Sye named coordinator of athletics for the Baltimore County Public Schools, the top job in running one of the nation's biggest scholastic sports programs. He oversees competitive athletics for 24 high schools.
  
• Adnan has been at Cumberland / Supermax for three years.
  

July 13, 2012

• Adnan writes Justin Brown, asking for postponement of October court dates, due to a foot injury. No mention of July and August court dates.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

• PCR Hearing scheduled, but postponed. Sixth postponement.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

• PCR Hearing scheduled, but postponed. Seventh postponement.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

• Transcripts: for Evidentiary Hearing in Post-Conviction Appeal.
  
  • (Shamim's and Rabia's testimony filed and paid for by stop_saying_right after Rabia refused to upload anything but Urick's testimony.)
• Justin Brown opens. He will focus on (3) issues.
  
  • Gutierrez's failure to investigate Asia.
  • Gutierrez's failure to pursue a plea offer.
  • Dorsey's failure to request that the motion for sentence modification be held in abeyance.
• Kevin Urick testifies:
  
  • Gutierrez never approached him seeking a plea bargain. If he had been approached, there would have been a possibility of a negotiated disposition.
  • Asia called him because she was afraid of being forced to testify. She had already made up her mind not to testify when she called Urick. And only called him looking for a way to get out of it.
• Shamim Rahman testifies: Posted and discussed on reddit thanks to SSR.
  
• Rabia Chaudry testifies: Posted and discussed on reddit thanks to SSR.
  

Monday, October 15, 2012

• Hae Min Lee 32nd birthday

Thursday, October 25, 2012

• Transcripts: for Evidentiary Hearing in Post-Conviction Appeal.
  
  • (Adnan and Meady's testimony filed and paid for by stop_saying_right after Rabia refused to upload anything but Urick's testimony.)
• Adnan Syed testifies. Posted and discussed on reddit thanks for SSR.
  
  • Adnan testifies that he told Dorsey about Asia, but there is no mention of Asia's letters, or giving Dorsey Asia's letters.
• Margaret Meady testifies
  
• Justin Brown fails to call Andrew Davis, the Private Investigator hired by Flohr and Colbert to investigate the library/track alibi.
  

February 28, 2013

• Adnan has been in jail/prison for fourteen years.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

• Adnan's 32nd Birthday

June 11, 2013

• Adnan's Cumberland Evaluation
  
• Adnan has been at Cumberland / Supermax for four years.
  

August, 2013

• It has been ten months since the October 2012 Hearing for Post Conviction Relief.
  
• Rabia says she watched the documentary "West of Memphis," looked up reporters who covered Gutierrez's disbarment, and found Sarah Koenig. Rabia hoped that media attention could influence Welch's pending decision, ten months after the hearing.
  
  • Rabia is lying when she talks about this 2013 google search that led her to Sarah Koenig's coverage of Gutierrez' disbarment for the Baltimore Sun. The truth is that Adnan's May 2010 filing for post conviction relief discusses Sarah Koenig and the coverage in the Baltimore Sun. This is how Rabia would have become aware of Koneig. Not via an August 2013 random google search, after watching West of Memphis.

August 12, 2013

• Rabia sends a letter to Sarah Koenig, asking her to take a look at the case. Rabia claims the police and prosecutors knew Adnan was innocent, and Gutierrez threw the case for money. Note here that leading up to Serial, Rabia was convinced that Jay did it, and would have pitched the story, with the carrot of exposing Jay.

August 29, 2013

• Rabia hastily sets up an LLC in Maryland, even though she is not licensed to practice law there.
  
• In anticipation of meeting with Sarah Koenig, Rabia sets up an office at Security Plaza, across the street from Woodlawn High School.
  
• Rabia wants Sarah to think this has always been her office, and that this is where she works. The truth is Rabia lives and works in DC.
  

August 30, 2013

• Approximate: In her "office" across the street from WHS, Rabia meets with Sarah Koenig, leading Koenig to believe Rabia has had this office for a while. Note here that Jay being the killer would have been part of this conversation.
  
• Undated: Rabia tells Sarah Koenig that Gutierrez threw the case on purpose, to get more money for the appeal - Despite Gutierrez having suggested that another attorney handle the appeal.
  

Late September, 2013

• Adnan receives a letter from Justin Brown saying that a reporter named Sarah Koenig wanted to do an interview. Justin wrote that he didn't think Sarah would waste time on a story if she didn't believe Adnan was innocent. Adnan receives the first letter from Sarah Koenig, a few days later.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

• By now, Adnan has received an introductory letter from Sarah Koenig. She sent him a pad and pencil and stamps. Adnan writes Sarah Koenig a letter about his story and case. Discussion. - [will update link soon]
  
  • Adnan says he wasn't much bigger than Hae.
  • Adnan says that students weren't allowed to use the top parking lot. (several WHSers and Krista have said that students used the top parking lot.)
  • Adnan describes the route to the Best Buy but neglects to mention the back way.
  • Adnan implies that the October 31 break up was the final break up.
  • Adnan says that he and Hae would joke about two women calling him on his cell phone at the same time. (Only we know that Adnan's first, ever cell phone was activated the evening of January 12, and there are no calls on the call log that support this story.)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

• Hae Min Lee 33rd birthday

November, 2013

• Sarah Koenig meets with Chris Flohr to try to get some sense of Adnan's innocence. She tells Flohr that she won't do the story unless Adnan is innocent. Jay as the killer is context for Koenig's work on Serial.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

• Justin Brown talks about the importance of the defense investigator, despite having failed to call the defense investigator at Adnan's PCR hearing.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

• Adnan receives a reply letter from Sarah Koenig and puts her on his visitor list. Sarah has decided to report on the story.

Monday, November 25, 2013

• Adnan writes Sarah Koenig to thank her for her letter and let her know she is on his visitor list.
  
  • Adnan tells Koenig that no one but him (and the person who did it) will ever know if he did it or not. Adnan forgetting that Jay also knows the truth.
  • Adnan writes: Looking back, I always knew that Jay was jealous of my relationship with Stephanie. Stephanie had told me she was going to break up with Jay when she went off to college. Jay asked me if I knew about it. I told him that I did, and he wasn't too happy about that.
  • But on January 5, 2000, Adnan had said: Stepanie was so devoted to Jay that she talked about not going to college and possibly staying with Jay and renting an apartment.
  • Breakdown of lies in this letter that Koenig could have questioned, and/or featured in Serial.

Monday, December 30, 2013

• Post Conviction Decision written by Justice Martin P. Welch.

January 2, 2014

• Andrew Davis in a single car accident, that proves fatal.

Tuesday, January 6, 2014

• Post Conviction relief denied by Justice Martin P. Welch.

Mid January, 2014

• Koenig says that her first conversation with Adnan took place right after he received Welch's decision. Link to excerpt from first recorded interview
  
• Asia returns Sarah Koenig's call. Asia tells Sarah that when she was approached by the Defense PI, she "freaked out" and called Urick, who told her Adnan was guilty, so she dodged the attempt to produce her at the PCR.
  
• Bilal is notified of disciplinary action regarding his dental license, citing un-necessary treatments and overcharging on multiple occasions in 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2013.
  

Monday, January 27, 2014

• Defense files ALA (Applicaton for Leave to Appeal). Adnan's attorneys have to ask for permission to appeal Welch's decision, as there is no guaranteed right to appeal. Defense requests review of two issues:
  
  • 1) Whether Gutierrez was ineffective because she didn't contact/interview Asia
  • 2) Whether Gutierrez was ineffective for failing to pursue a plea deal, and telling Adnan she had.

Monday, February 17, 2014

• Adnan Defense Team PI Andrew Davis passes away. He was never asked about Asia or anything about the defense's pre-trial investigation. Drew Davis Photo Album

Late February, 2014

• Sarah has met with Deirdre Enright who has agreed to work on Adnan's case.
  
  • Two UVA law school clinics begin work on Adnan's case.
  • Rabia says that Sarah reached out to Dierdre on her own. But it's clear that Adnan told Sarah about the Justin Wolfe case and subsequently, Deirdre Enright.
  • DNA issue important to law student, Mario

February 28, 2014

• Adnan has been in jail/prison for fifteen years.

Late February/March 2014

• Justin George of the Baltimore Sun begins helping Sarah Koenig, at Rabia's urging. Rabia wanted a local reporter on the story, too.

Spring, 2014

• Approximate: Sarah emails Young Lee
  
• Approximate: Sarah interviews one of the prosecuting attorneys, Kathleen Murphy, for two hours
  
• Sarah and Dana Chivas visit Woodlawn, and surrounding areas:
  
  • Krista shows them her scrapbook, lets them read Adnan's letters, and see her photos of Hae.
  • Sarah and Dana Chivas do the drive test that Adnan asked Sarah to do. Rabia asks to go along. Sarah says no.
  • Sarah shows Rabia the Enehey Report from the MPIA file. Rabia had never seen it. Sarah has redacted the name of the author of the report. She has promised the author she wouldn't reveal her name. Later, Rabia would post the report on her blog, and tell the world the name of the woman who wrote the report.
  • Rabia says in her book that this report explained why the detectives focused in on Adnan. She leaves out that the report was not written until Adnan had been in jail for six months.
  • Rabia dates the report as August 24, 1999, without mentioning that by then, Adnan had been arrested, indicted, and awaiting trial for months. (Later, Rabia would say that Justin Brown had a copy of the report in the police file, but never showed it to her.
• Adnan sends Sarah Koenig two "Price of Tea" charts, and asks her to hold them until the next time they speak. In October, of 2014, Koenig wrote about the subsequent conversation here.
  
  • C-Mart Chart 7-11 Chart

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

• Adnan's 33rd Birthday
  
• Bilal sexually assaults patients.
  

May 31, 2014

• Adnan's Cumberland Evaluation

June 4, 2014

• Adnan has been at Cumberland / Supermax for five years: Prison Evaluation

July 25, 2014

• Original SERIAL podcast air date

Thursday, August 7, 2014

• Sarah and Julie fly to California, two weeks after the original air date for the podcast. Jay wouldn't talk to them on the phone, so they delayed the podcast, and flew to California to blind-side Jay.

Friday, August 8, 2014

• Sarah and Julie arrive at Jay's house. No one is home. They go away, then come back, for the second time, to walk across his lawn, unannounced.
  
  • Jay said this upset his children.
  • During the conversation, Jay refers to himself as a "scoundrel with scruples." Jay wisely doesn't see any upside to letting them record an interview.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

• Sarah Koenig emails Jay, apologizes for blind-siding him and causing upheaval, suggests they have a drink or coffee, and refers to the project she's working on as a documentary, not a podcast. Sarah tells Jay that the upside to doing a taped interview is that he can tell his version. Her message: "I'm going to do a story and talk about you, whether you like it or not."

August 2014

• Adnan completes Home Study Programs > 8/22: Substance Abuse 8/22: Anger Management 8/25: Offender Corrections 8/29: Contentious Relationships

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

• Maryland Court of Special Appeals orders the State of Maryland to file a response to the defense's January 27, 2014 "ALA" (Application for Leave to Appeal). Court asks for State's response to the defense's assertion that Adnan asked for a plea, and Gutierrez failed to seek one. Court sets deadline of November 14, 2014 for State's response

September 2014

• Adnan completes Home Study Programs > 9/8: Parenting 9/8: Cognitive Awareness 9/12: Theft & Shoplifting 9/12: Domestic Violence 9/12: DUI 9/12: Employment 9/22: Offender Responsibility

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

• Sarah writes to Rabia that the story will be presented in podcast form, over 12 episodes.

Friday, October 3, 2014

• Serial Episode 1 and 2:
  
  • "The Alibi" Transcript
  • "The Breakup" Transcript

Saturday, October 4. 2014

• /serialpodcast is created - [will update link soon]

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

• Rabia's first blog post on Serial; undermining Koenig. Jakeprops says its must-read
  
  • Rabia lies to her readers, writing that Adnan had no choice but to wait for ten years to file for Post Conviction Relief.
  • The truth is that the defendant can file any time during those ten years, but not after ten years has lapsed.
  • The truth is that in a 2004 letter to Rabia, Adnan articulated his strategy to wait out the years, until the deadline was upon them, and then file for PCR.
• Rabia begins to advertise her version of the story on reddit - [will update link soon]
  

Saturday, October 11, 2014

• Baltimore Sun: Relatives of Convicted Killer Suffer in Silence

Friday, October 14, 2014

• Serial Episode 3: "Leakin Park" Transcript
  
• Rabia promoted her blog on reddit.
  

Wedneday, October 15, 2014

• Hae Min Lee 34th birthday

Thursday, October 16, 2014

• Serial Episode 4: "Inconsistencies" Transcript
  
• Rabia tweets Jay's last name, and it is picked up on reddit. Pictures of Jay's house are posted on reddit as a result.
  
• Rabia texts Sarah and says that Redditers "figured out" Jay's last name and posted his Facebook.
  

Friday, October 17, 2014

• Rabia's blog post #2 on Serial. Response to "Inconsistencies"... Rabia reshapes Koenig's narrative. Posted on reddit.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

• Saad's Reddit AMA

Thursday, October 23, 2014

• Serial Episode 5: "Route Talk" Transcript
  
• Hae's classmate "Summer" listens, and reaches out to Sarah Koenig. In a later episode, "Summer" sounds an awful lot like "K." Summer has never been heard from again.
  
• Adnan is a Psychopath thread posted
  
• Yusuf's response to the Psychopath thread. Yusuf thinks the author is Bilal.
  

Friday, October 24, 2014

• Rabia's blog post #3 on Serial. Addresses "Route Talk." Reshaping the narrative for her own ends.
  
• Rabia writes that after her first few blog posts, she received an uncomfortable call from Koenig who rightly felt that Rabia was interfering with the storytelling. Rabia writes that she wasn't going to let this moment pass, but she agreed not to trump Sarah's show.
  

Saturday, October 25, 2014

• Saad names names and let's people know they will be bullied and harassed if they come forward.

Monday, October 27, 2014

• Rabia's blog post #4. She is offended at having been called "loosey-goosey"
  
• Rabia appears on a "google chat" with Pete Rorabaugh.
  

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

• Rabia's blog post #5 on Serial. Rabia announces that she will be appearing in a "google chat" every Monday with Pete Rorabaugh. and directs her readers to view the "chats."

Thursday, October 30, 2014

• Serial Episode 6: "The Case Against Adnan Syed" Transcript

Friday, October 31, 2014

• Rabia's sixth blog post on Serial. Addresses Serial's latest episode as "The worst of it."

Monday, November 3, 2014

• Google Chat #2 with Pete Rorabaugh
  
• Bilal signs Department of Health order suspending his license to practice dentistry.
  

Thursday, November 6, 2014

• Serial Episode 7: "The Opposite of the Prosecution" Transcript

Friday, November 7, 2014

• Rabia's seventh Serial blog post promoted on reddit.. Reframes "The Opposite of the Prosecution."
  
• Asia's classmate sends her a message about Serial via Facebook messenger
  
  • Affiant's version
  • Asia's version

Monday, November 10, 2014

• Google Chat #3 with Pete Rorabaugh

Thursday, November 13, 2014

• Serial Episode 8: "The Deal with Jay" Transcript

Friday, November 14, 2014

• Rabia's 8th blog post about Serial. She writes about the West Memphis Three, and promotes her blog on reddit
  
• State misses deadline to respond to defense's January 27, 2014 "ALA."
  
• Pictures of Jay's house are posted on reddit
  

Monday, November 17, 2014

• Google Chat #4 with Pete Rorabaugh
  
• Bilal begins defrauding Medicaid. He will eventually accrue 1.2 million from November 2014 to February 2016
  

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

• Hae's brother posts on reddit.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

• Rabia blogs about her first Facebook post on Adnan's case.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

• Serial Episode 9: "To Be Suspected" Transcript
  
  • Rabia tweets that they are poised to file to get the DNA tested
  • Items UVA IP seeks to get tested.

Friday, November 21, 2014

• Rabia blogs about "To Be Suspected," and promotes her blog on reddit.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

• Susan Simpson begins writing about Adnan, and posting her blog on reddit. - will update link soon.
  
• Baltimore Sun: City's Crime Image Based on Truth
  

Thursday, November 25, 2014

• Google Chat #5 with Pete Rorabaugh

Friday, November 26, 2014

• Rabia blogs re; Thanksgiving and letters of support she's received.

Saturday, November 27, 2014

• Rabia uploads Jay's first interview and Jen's interview. They are terrible copies she found in the defense file. Rabia still doesn't have the police investigation MPIA file, that Sarah Koenig has.

Monday, December 1, 2014

• Google Chat #6 with Pete Rorabaugh

Thursday, December 4, 2014

• Serial Episode 10: "The Best Defense is a Good Defense" Transcript
  
• Judge Heard posts on Facebook that Adnan is guilty
  

Friday, December 5, 2014

• Rabia blogs about how Gutierrez swindled them; posts a video of Shamim.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

• Approximate: Dierdre Enright and her students from the UVA IP travel to meet Adnan in prison.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

• Jon Ronson's piece in the Guardian written from an "innocent" perspective, appears to have been placed by a PR firm. Ronson includes Adnan's childhood drawings as originals. A redditor later found that these drawings were copied from a children's book. Not a big deal other than that they were presented as originals, for sympathy.

Monday, December 8, 2014

• Rabia blogs about Serial Episode 10; how Muslim kids in the USA hide things like dating from their parents.
  
• Google Chat #7 with Pete Rorabaugh
  

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

• Rabia posts interviews with Chris Flohr and Justin Brown

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

• City Paper: Where the Bodies Aren't Buried

Thursday, December 11, 2014

• Serial Episode 11: "Rumors" Transcript

Friday, December 12, 2014

• Rabia blogs about how the "Rumors" episode is "Much Ado About Nothing." She has organized a video chat of Adnan's friends to rebut every single one of the rumors.
  
• Krista creates a FreeAdnan Facebook page.
  

Saturday, December 13, 2014

• Deirdre and Justin Brown have been giving Adnan conflicting advice about how best to proceed, what to push for and when. On Saturday Adnan finally gave Deirdre the go ahead to file the motion to test DNA. It was an emotional decision for him.
  
  • Adnan Syed: It’s just anything about my case, I want to know it. I don’t want anyone to be able to say “well he didn’t want to know so boom, we went and found out.” No, I want to know. So I called Miss Deirdre and said “Look Miss Deirdre, I wanted you to test things. I’m the one that asked for this. You guys had it sitting for sixteen years and you never tested it. It’s impossible for it to be sitting there for sixteen years and you guys never tested it. So that’s fine, I want it tested... I want to see what it says. There’s nothing about my case that I’m afraid of.

Monday, December 15, 2014

• Asia contacts Adnan's defense team, after listening to the podcast
  
• Baltimore Sun: Serial Brings Healing to Syed Family
  

Thursday, December 18, 2014

• Final Serial Episode (12): "What We Know" Transcript
  
• Baltimore Sun: Rabia Chaudry Fights for Muslims - and Syed; Firebrand for Muslim Women inspired Serial
  

Friday, December 19, 2014

• Rabia launches the Adnan Syed Legal Trust on Launchgood.com: Dennis Robinson named Trustee - [Will update link soon]
  
• Rabia's responds to the final episode of Serial, in her blog and points to Don.
  
• Deirdre promotes the UVA IP via Time Magazine
  
• Asia:
  
  • At the 2016 Hearing for Post Conviction Relief, Asia testified that she binge listened to all the episodes at one time.
  • At the 2016 Hearing for Post Conviction Relief, Asia testified that she reached out to Justin Brown in "Mid-December 2014."
  • At the 2016 Hearing for Post Conviction Relief, Asia testified that Sarah Koenig recommended the attorney that Asia hired, Gary Proctor.

Undated between December 20, 2014 and January 2, 2015

• Rabia asks Sarah Koenig when she can have back all her hard copies and tapes.
  
• In the same email, Rabia asks if she can have the full police file from Sarah's MPIA request.
  
• Sarah doesn't realize that Rabia will sell/use documents from Sarah's MPIA request and research to raise money for Adnan's defense fund, and start her own podcast.
  

Monday, December 22, 2014

• Google Chat #8 with Pete Rorabaugh
  
• Rabia tweets that she will be selling transcripts. For every $10,000 raised for Adnan, she will release more documents.
  
• Tanveer characterizes Rabia's activities as a "campaign."
  

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

• Jay says that he is looking for an interview in which he can control the conditions. He is looking to expose Sarah Koenig for "who she really is."

December 28, 2014

• Rabia posts transcripts in keeping with her "transcripts for donations" advertisement.

Saturday, December 28, 2014

• Asia responds to her classmate's Facebook message

Sunday, December 29, 2014

• Susan Simpson posts the "previously unpublished" 2003 COSA Denial of Adnan's appeal, and says she filed to obtain this document, but it got water-stained in her mail box while she was out of town. However, this looks "obtained" from Rabia's water damaged documents.
  
• The Intercept publishes Part I of an Interview with Jay.
  
  • Reddit thread re; this interview: Addressing the Conspiracy Theory - will update link soon

December 30, 2014

• After receiving more money for Adnan, Rabia posts more transcripts, per her commitment to sell them for donations.
  
• Thiru Vignarajah named Deputy Attorney General
  
• The Intercept publishes Part II of an Interview with Jay.
  

Friday, January 3, 2015

• Sarah Koenig emails Rabia back about returning the documents and tapes. Sarah doesn't respond to Rabia asking for the MPIA documents. Sarah says they never identified Hae's pager.

Saturday, January 4, 2015

• ISB member calls for members to do the right thing.

Monday, January 6, 2015

• Rabia writes in her blog about Jay's lies.
  
• Rabia posts Sarah's January 3 email in her blog, saying Sarah tried to trick Adnan into thinking she had Hae's pager number when, she didn't.
  
  • Either this day or the next, Sarah calls Rabia, and is super angry: Sarah said she was mistaken, and that they did have Hae's number.
  • Sarah said Rabia's posting a private email made Serial look incompetent.
  • According to Rabia's book, Sarah and Rabia engage in a a full on shouting match re: "The Best Defense is a Good Defense."
  • Rabia is angry that Sarah only aired the part about Adnan being happy with Gutierrez, when he clearly isn't happy, and has a pending IAC claim against her.
  • Rabia told Sarah that what she used in Serial could affect Adnan's case. Sarah replied that the IAC wasn't her problem, and [Serial] used what parts of the interviews they wanted due to "editorial discretion."
  • [Note: According to Krista, Hae did have a pager.
• After receiving another $10,000 for Adnan's legal fund, Rabia posts two days of trial testimony.
  
• Jemima Khan asks her twitter followers to support Adnan's legal fund
  

Tuesday, January 7, 2015

• Kevin Urick Intercept Interview

Saturday, January 10, 2015

• Susan Simpson begins posting snippets of police files obtained via Sarah Koenig's MPIA request. She got them from Rabia who got them from Sarah.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

• Baltimore Sun: 'Serial' Prosecutor Speaks Out

Monday, January 12, 2015

• Rabia speaks at Stanford Law School
  
• At the 2016 PCR Hearing, Asia testified that she wrote her 2015 affidavit, but asked Gary Proctor and his office to look it over for grammar.
  

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

• 16th anniversary of Hae Min Lee's death
  
• Asia signs 2nd affidavit, but it is not yet released to the public.
  

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

• Part 2 of Kevin Urick's Intercept Interview

[Post Conviction III>>]()

This is how I met my “friend”. It was 2018. Me and one of my besties went to a local dive. Bad idea. the vibe there was not good. As you can prolly guess since I stated it being a dive, which it most certainly was.
My friend was really drunk and saw someone sitting at the table he found attractive. We live in a small town and recognize a lot of people in it. This said person didn’t look familiar to us. We figured he was from out of town, which he was. My friend went over to say hi to him. We all went out for a smoke and exchanged numbers, all three of us.
A week later, he messaged me asking to meet up. I was hungover and exhausted. I almost didn’t go, and I shouldn’t have. But I did. I brought my friends along, including the one I went to the bar with, and two other people, just to be safe. I didn’t know the guy we met at the bar very well, so I brought my friends with me. He was cool with it.
We noticed he was going to the bathroom frequently, we thought nothing of it, because we were all drinking, and it happens. Later on in the night, we noticed he was doing some sort of nod. We didn’t think much of it at the time, but we all found it weird. No one else was nodding like that, and we all drank the same amount. He tried telling us it was from the alcohol at first, until he told me in confidences a few weeks later he was drinking and doing drugs because he was “nervous to meet new people”. To me that’s a lame excuse, but if you got an addiction, it is what it is. Which he most certainly did, I found out later on.
So me and the guy I met at the bar were hanging out for 2 months pretty steady, then he ghosted me. I was thrown off because we had spend about 2 months hanging out 3x a week.
So I was ghosted for like 6 months. Within that time I got a job. I was at work one day. I was living with my parents at the time. He showed up on my parents doorstep. My parents had no clue who he was. Since we weren’t officially “dating” I didn’t mention him to them. So when he showed up at my doorstep, he was claiming to be my “friend”. Friends don’t ghost each other for 6 months with no explanation, and I was left confused and hurt because I thought everything was fine between us and our relationship was going to eventually progress. But it never did.
I gotta admit when my mom mentioned he showed up at the house, I was excited. Because I still had strong feelings for him and wanted to rekindle. Wishful thinking.
My mom called me on my lunch break confused. Saying a fellow came to the door and said he was a friend of mine. She said he stopped by asking for “help”. Help as in he needed money for whatever. My mom is a sweet person and she helps when she can, as do I. But because she didn’t know this person and he showed up asking for money, my mother declined. My mother said, “I’m sorry but my daughter isn’t here, please do not stop by again”. He came back when I came off work that evening, because I told him to. Funny, cause it wasn’t my own place, it was my parents house, and my mother had asked him not to return.
I found it odd he was always out of money, considering what he did for work, was working 12 hour shifts 7 days a week, and would have a week off. Because of his job, hours and how much he was getting paid, you would think this person would be financially stable. But I suppose when you have an addiction it’s hard to be.
he had a 2 year old son at the time. Apparently he needed help with child support, so he told my mother. My mom did not fall for any of his crap. But I did. He did not mention child support to me.
He told me he was in town for whatever reason for two nights and needed a place to stay. Originally he asked me if he could stay at my parents place. They said absolutely not, and warned me not to give him the time of day. I should have listened.
He told me if I helped him out with a hotel room he would pay me back in two days when his cheque came in.
So I got him a hotel room for two nights, Bought him snacks, took him out for dinner, etc. I did all this and trusted him to pay me back. After all, he did have a high paying job and worked 2/4 weeks of the month for 12 hours and he was making good money. There was no excuse for him not to pay me back. So I thought 250? That’s nothing when you’re making 2000+ every two weeks. He’ll have no issue paying back. Should have known better. He won’t even help provide for his child, let alone pay me back.
So the day he was leaving, I was calling his room non stop since he didn’t have a cell phone. Of course he didn’t answer me.
I tracked him down on social media (instagram, I even went as far as to make a new Facebook account just to contact him, because he blocked me on my other account). Of course I received zero response and received no pay back. 250 is a lot out of my little monthly cheque. It’s nothing to him, but a lot to me as we have very different incomes.
I was so upset and talked to my family about it. They just told me “now you know why he wanted to get ahold of you so badly”. That’s when my mom told me he was begging her for child support and she didn’t give in. She knew exactly what he was trying to do. But I didn’t realize it at the time because my feelings were so strong for him and I wanted so badly for him to be with He gained my sympathy through his sob stories. All he had was a uhaul in the middle of October.
Thanks to my credit card, as I stated before, I get paid a certain amount of money every month once a month, and that’s it. I do not receive that much, so naturally, I’m broke a lot of the time. I believed all the crap he told me. I used $250 out of my credit, not actual money. I was really relying on him to pay me back, so I could pay back my credit card. I eventually paid it off myself, but that’s not the point.
Don’t let deceitful people like this get to you in any way . I don’t care if they got kids, pets, debt, whatever.

Allhackgecko.com --------------------- Relationship is based on trust. If you don’t trust the person you want to spend a lifetime with, who else would you trust? They say love with your heart but keep your eyes open. In plain words, lovers have to be smart while they are in love, so that one would not suffer unexpected heart break when you discover later that your significant half is cheating on you.
INTRODUCTION
Relationship is based on trust. If you don’t trust the person you want to spend a lifetime with, who else would you trust? They say love with your heart but keep your eyes open. In plain words, lovers have to be smart while they are in love, so that one would not suffer unexpected heart break when you discover later that your significant half is cheating on you.
Technological innovations have made our lives easier and better. No argument. And with each passing day, it keeps getting better. We now have smartphones, tablets, iPads and all kinds of mobile devices. Another addition to our everyday life is social media, with which came services like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tinder, Snapchat, Pinterest, Tumblr and many others. These applications have also made communication a lot easier with their instant messaging applications.
While these innovations have contributed positively to our lifestyles, they also came with a lot of complications especially on relationships. Social media and mobile devices have had a profound impact on how people cheat. You no longer have to meet in person in order to have an affair. In fact, lots of people are perfectly fine with having a digital-only affair. Now, your partner could be using an Instant Messaging App like a Facebook Messenger, Instagram, WhatsApp and so on to talk with another person.
In this article, we discussed different ways to access your partner social media account so as to accurately determine whether they are cheating on you.
METHOD OF ACCESSING A CHEATING PARTNER’S SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNT
Despite all the signs you have seen, there is still not enough proof he is cheating. Without concrete proof, all that you have seen are mere suspicions. Even if you mention all these things to them, most will out rightly deny the allegations and they will end up becoming smarter at covering their tracks.
If that is the case, you have to act more smartly and wisely. Some techniques on how you can access your partner’s social media account are discussed below;
Social Engineering or Guessing
Being in a relationship with your partner exposes you to some of their personal information. With this information you can figure out the password of your partner. Most people usually use the name of their spouse, name of their kids, date of birth, pet names, e.t.c. as passwords. You can also try other characters they could possibly use. Once you are able to figure it out, you should be able to access their social media accounts since it is most likely they might be using the same user details across different platforms.
On gaining access to their social media account, you would be able to read all the chats, discover their new friends and even know GPS locations or places they have been.
Contact us at Allhackgecko.com for technical problems about your task or issue regarding hacking services.Use Spying Apps
There are so many apps outside there that claims they can spy on any type of phone. Some are real while others are fake. Caution is advised when planning to use spying apps so that you don’t get hacked yourself. You may ask an expert for guidance on the best spying apps.
Most of these apps need you to have access to your partner’s device to enable you install the app on it. In case he uses iOS powered devices, knowing his Apple ID and password will do the trick. For those who do not have physical access or know his Apple ID and password, devising crafty schemes to trick him into installing the app will be highly needed.
Phishing
This involves sending a link to your partner and they are required to click. Once the link is clicked, you will be able to see all login credentials for the various social media services and apps. To do this, you need to download a phishing software that can hack social media accounts. Then create a fake website and use the website to send a phishing link to your husband.
It requires expertise to perfect and not be caught. Contact your favourite expert hacker on Allhackgecko.com
Hire A Hacker
Know that your partner only cheat, they are not dumb. The point here is they are also trying every means not to be caught. They explore every available tool and resources to do this. If you think you can catch them with the old technique, you will wait long and may never get them especially they are smart.
Hiring Allhackgecko.com is still the best thing to do when trying to catch a cheating spouse. Professional hackers use the latest tools and software to track cheaters and gather evidence that can justify your suspicion.
Other benefits you derive from hiring hackers include;
Social Media Tracking
Most smart cheaters believe that by deleting their history, they can remove all of their cheating digital footprints. This is not true. Hackers have ways of recovering deleted history from browsers, no matter how long.
GPS Location Tracking
Professional Hackers have the capability to monitor your partner’s location through GPS system remotely thereby maintaining some level of discreteness.
Reduce Risk of being exposed
You don’t want your partner to know that you are suspecting him. The only way of reducing the risk to the barest minimum is hiring a hacker to do the job for you and provide you with necessary evidence.
CONCLUSION

Discovering that your partner is cheating on you all of a sudden is not one of the mistakes you should make in a relationship. However, the sooner you knew, the better. Lack of trust in any relationship has a number of negative consequences, among which are low self-worth on the person being cheated, bitterness, quarrels and heated argument, or even marriage dissolution. If you have a strong feeling that you are being cheated on by your spouse on social media or you see some of the signs described in sections of this article, ensure you contact us immediately on Allhackgecko.com

Looking to upgrade from my 1980s Trek to a better road bike, looking for lighter bike to do some more climbs without breaking the bank, as well as start doing half Ironmans. Wanted something at least 105 groupset and came across these two, at a similar price -
2014 Specialized Roubaix Expert: https://www.ebay.com/itm/195802937171

• Not many miles on it, only ridden handful of times. Would be able to pickup in person
• Would purchase without power meter, which would knock price down to 1-1.1k range

2017 Fuji Granfondo Classico 2.0 LE: https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/2512932115542963/

• Newer frame, but obvious signs of wear
• Slightly worse wheelset than the roubaix I believe

99 spokes comparison seems to be pretty equal as well: https://99spokes.com/compare?bikes=specialized-roubaix-sl4-expert-2014;*z.58cm-700-700w.700,fuji-gran-fondo-classico-1.1-2017;*z.xl-700-700w.700
​
I am leaning towards the Roubaix given that it is practically brand new and has a better wheelset. Both seem to be a good deal and I think I can negotiate down to the 1-1.1k range. Thoughts on what would be better?

I've tried selling this thing for weeks now on Facebook Marketplace, eventually at just 1 cent because I just genuinely want it out of my hair. And I cannot find any takers. I want someone to just take it instead of throwing it out because honestly, I'm deeply nervous about what would happen if I did. But if this advertisement proves to be just as fruitless, I will do it despite my nervousness because my mind just can't take this anymore otherwise I'm afraid I'm going to have a psychological break with reality and need to be sedated.
I grew up originally in Northern California near Mt. Shasta, and four years ago I moved to the Big Island of Hawaii after I got a new job working for the university located in Hilo as an adjunct. The search for a place to rent where I could garden in the backyard took a while, but the wait was worth it. Gardening is like comfort food for my soul, and always has been ever since I was a little girl. My mom brought me up doing it, and I took to it immediately when I was just 3 or 4 she always liked to remind me.
I suppose the reason I wanted to leave California was the fact that she wasn't there anymore, that the last piece or vestige of my family was gone and I was all that was left of the life we used to have out there. I remember the day everything was packed up for the movers and ready to go, I walked outside to wait for a friend to pick me up to take me to the airport. As I sat there on my porch, I saw an elderly man walking in front of my front yard. It was an old friend of my mom's from the neighborhood. He had been very kind to me at her funeral as he had just lost his wife himself. We both waved at each other and I got up to chat with him one last time.
As it turned out, he was there to give me a going away present. It was a batch of strange seeds in a small sack. Some were colored burgundy, others indigo, and still others ivory with fascinating patterns on them. In total, there were 19 by my count. He said that before his wife passed away, she had originally intended to give them to my mom. Apparently, during one of their hiking trips around the mountain, the two of them kept stopping to see if someone was following them. Every time they would, some tree would rustle or a bush would make a quick, sharp noise indicating some sort of disturbance. Towards the end of their hike, they stopped one final time only for them to turn around and notice that someone had left this dingy little sack of seeds on a rotted out tree stump they had just passed. In other words, there was no question at that point that they had been followed.
For what reason? He couldn't say, though obviously the implication was that whoever it was wanted them to have these seeds. His wife died soon after that, before she could pass them along to my mother. He said he was hesitant to part with them after she died, but felt extremely guilty having waited too long to give them to my mom. Now that I was heading to Hawaii, he thought he ought to just give them to me instead of continuing to keep them. Other than that, he told me to be very careful with them, to specifically pour them out into the ground from the sack instead of touching them myself. And I wondered why. Like it's such an oddly specific thing to bring up about them.
Regardless.
I took them gratefully and thanked him for the gift and said that my mother would have loved them. Now, I'm not so sure she would have.
It was only a week or so after I had finally unpacked everything in my new place that I decided to garden again. And the first thing I planted, of course, were the seeds once meant for my mom. In memory of her. It was only one I put in the ground because honestly I wasn’t exactly sure how big this thing was going to grow to be. I wasn’t even sure what exactly this thing was even going to grow to be either. Turns out, it’s a vegetable… of some kind. I think. It’s almost like a yam? Like with the same texture and everything but with bright orange skin… and fur in strange places? Also, another thing, it’s like a yam but at the time of writing this it has most definitely grown beyond the size of a typical yam. Basically it’ll increase in size every week or so by a half a foot by my measure. Also, every time it grows by that much, another bulbous root pops out and burrows itself beneath.
And oh yeah there are little blue flowers (or what I guess you could call flowers) growing out of little nooks and crannies and just random spots all over. I’m not sure what to say. I have yet to identify it. If one of you reading this can, then good for you, would you like to take it off my hands in that case? Please? Okay well, I guess I better finally explain why I want this damn thing out of here. I’ve already ostracized myself at work trying to get people to take it, as well as trying to explain what makes me hate the thing, so what harm will come from making a bunch of internet strangers think I’m creepy or crazy?
The black and white of it is that every time this thing grows a half a foot, every time another root plants itself in the ground, every time another one of those little blue flower buds appears on it, something changes. About the world we live in. About our history. About how we live day to day. And no one seems to notice any of the changes except for me. Today in fact, I almost got into a fatal car crash after I woke up and took note of a new flower bud growing on the side of it facing my house. If you put a Bible in front of me and made me swear to God that I was going to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth I would swear on that, my life, and my late mother’s grave that I grew up knowing that Americans in all 50 states drive on the left side of the road.
I know you’re probably laughing at me. Because that’s what the person I almost ran into did when I told them. They wanted to know if I was British or something, and I said no I was born and raised in Northern California all my life. The closest I’ve ever even been to a foreign country is San Diego. But when I pulled over after that scare and looked it up on my phone, there it was. Americans drive on the right side of the road and pretty much always have. It’s just so… jarring. I have vivid memories of me death gripping the wheel to my mom’s Wrangler for the first time in my life, with her in the passenger seat teaching me the rules of the road for the first time. And I remember very clearly her telling me that no matter where I go in the United States or Canada, if I ever did that is, I would be on the left side of the road the entire time.
And I remember everyone else driving on the left side too. I remember them doing it yesterday. And now, everyone’s acting like it’s actually been this other way the entire time and that I’m somehow just noticing it. But I’m not “just noticing” it. It changed without warning me, to my abject frustration. This is what my life has been like since I planted it. I remember when it first sprouted. When I first started noticing the changes. The very first one I encountered were the changes made to the American flag. Again, swearing to God, on my own life, and on my late mother’s grave, I can attest that the American flag has always had 13, red and white, diagonal stripes. Not horizontal. Diagonal.
Again, I remember vividly sitting Indian style around our 1st grade teacher as she taught us some of the most basic history of the Revolutionary War. Particularly when it came to the Betsy Ross story. I remember being told that, when Betsy Ross first showed George Washington her initial design for the flag that it did indeed have horizontal stripes just like the one I suppose all of you are familiar with. But at the last second, he had her change them to be diagonal because he wanted to convey that the United States did not intend to be an empire in which some states would be perceived to be dominating the others by being “on top”. Making the stripes diagonal, to him, avoided this undesired symbolism.
I remember it all so clearly, even the little kitschy cartoon drawings in our school books of him with Betsy Ross as she showed him the final design. I remember reading about it in middle and high school. Hell, I even remember writing a 13 page essay for US History I in college that dealt with the subject. The paper of course, along with any historical record or proof of this detailed memory (digital or otherwise), is nowhere I can find it. It’s as if God or something turned the whole world into one big Wikipedia article and began editing reality at random with no one reverting the changes.
If you don’t think I’m crazy yet, then maybe I’m just not trying hard enough. When I noticed the plant had grown its eighth root, I learned for the first time in my life that Richard Nixon resigned over the Watergate scandal and not for having been outed as having had a nearly decade long affair with both Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy at the same time as I thought I had been taught. I hadn’t even heard the term Watergate before that. In fact, I learned at the same exact time that apparently for decades since, the affix -gate had been attached to various other scandals and controversies as though it were a naming convention. Until that eighth root planted itself firmly in the ground, I had never once seen or heard of something like that before.
The day I noticed the very first flower to bloom on it, was the same day I found out there’s this little place near Long Island and New Jersey you may have heard of called New York City. You see, to me, that place has always been (and always will be in my mind as I cling onto what I know to be the truth) New Ithaca. Frank Sinatra’s famous song that is played every year on New Year’s Eve, has always been about the great city of New Ithaca, the Big Apple. The changes are just so weird and particular too. The whole general history of that city and state has remains the same though (at least to me), being that it was founded by the Dutch but was taken by the British and renamed before becoming a part of the United States. Only, instead the place was previously named New North Brabant whereas I suppose you have always known that New York used to be New Amsterdam.
There’s even a song about that bit of trivia, I learned. Catchy, and also cringe inducing for someone like me going through what I’m going through.
Actually the overwhelming bulk of changes have had to do with place names. Again growing up, I had it beaten into my brain that in 1492 Columbus sailed the Pacific blue. You heard that right. The vast puddle you probably call the Atlantic Ocean has always been the Pacific to me. And vice versa. Nebraska was a name I had not ever heard of before I measured another half foot in that damn thing’s already enormous length. To me that place was called the State of Fillmore. If before I measured it to be at 3 feet, you had asked me to point out Paris on a map, I would have stared at you blankly until I realized you probably meant to say Degaulleville which was built just northeast of the ruins of the ill-fated City of Lights after it was used as a testing ground for Germany’s most devastating weapon of WWII - the nuclear bomb.
Apparently in this new world the plant has created for me, it is our country that has the dubious honor of being the first military in the world to use nuclear weapons in an actual war.
And the list of changes I have just goes on and on like that. I’m not going to waste time spelling them all out for you. I’m sure that should be enough for you to at least hear me out or dismiss me as having had a break with reality. All I want now is this thing in my backyard, and these seeds to boot, out of here. Like I said in the beginning, I’d throw it away, but now that I suspect there’s some sort of link between it and all these changes being made, I worry what it could do to me if I yanked it out of the ground and chucked it into a dumpster. Degaulleville, Fillmore, etc. were erased by this thing. I could be too, if I made it mad enough.
There’s another part of me, a selfish part, that hopes if someone else takes it they can be the ones to have all these changes happen to instead. They can be the ones to watch desperately as what you once knew to be true, to be there, to be real, is all ground up and thrown away like it was nothing to bend your reality and leave you as the only one aware of it. I want that to happen to someone else instead of me. I want to be the one who’s oblivious to the changes made in the fabric and window dressings of reality. I want to be the one who reads the complaints and desperate cries of someone like me, and calls them crazy. I want want want that.
There’s another, tinier part of me, that naively hopes once I can leave this thing with someone else, it will change reality again but this time for the better. For the better, for me. Maybe once it starts affecting someone else adversely, it can change reality one more time to make my mom come back. To come back in a way that would make me forget she was ever gone. And then maybe I can go home, go back to the life I was used to living. But I know at the same time, there’s absolutely no reason it would do something nice like that for me.
Hell, if anything, it could decide to make things in reality, history, etc. worse for everyone including me. Like let me think… Okay for example, remember back in 1999 when everyone was afraid of the Y2K bug, but then it turned out to not be such a catastrophic ordeal as people were predicting? That damn plant could change things to make it so that Y2K’s catastrophic potential was fulfilled. Or wait, here’s a more recent example - remember like three or so years ago when there was that weird disease in China all the schools and governments got freaked out about for two weeks, warning about having to do lockdowns and stuff like that only for the Chinese government to successfully contain it before it could leave its shores?
I’d imagine the plant could change that history as well. And it’s not like I want any of that to happen, it’s just that I have little to no control over whether or not it will. And I just want to be free from being the only one to know it’s all happening. To notice it everyday. To have your heart and brain scratched at and tortured by it when you do.
So please, someone, anyone out there who can and is willing to take this thing off my hands knowing full well what it is - just DM me. I’ll give it to you at no charge or expense to you. I’ll even dig it out of the ground and drive to where you are (if you’re on the island that is) so you don’t have to get up and go anywhere. If you’re located somewhere else I’ll happily volunteer to pay all the associated shipping costs at my own expense as well in order to get it to you.
You’ll be my knight in shining armor if you do.
UPDATE: I am no longer in need of anyone to take this thing and these seeds off my hands. Thank you to the person that DMed me after I posted this. I got your email confirming that it safely arrived at your address as well. Also, glad to hear it’s grown another root. By glad, I mean that I am glad to know that it has grown yet again but this time I haven’t noticed anything changing. You have no idea what you’ve done to help salvage my sanity. Bless you.

You must contact this GREAT HACKER. He has the ability to hack into previously compromised computers and recover lost or destroyed files. He convinced me by simultaneously breaking into my fiance's Facebook, Whatsapp, and Gmail accounts. Do not hold it against me because I am aware of how terrible it is. I had to be certain. This individual logs into accounts in a way that is undetectable, untraceable, and untouchable, much like a ghost. Information is the best instrument there is. I'm ecstatic to have located a knowledgeable and dependable hacker. I had to be certain. As soon as I stopped wasting time thinking about his wrongdoings and began using my energy constructively, my life improved. His email is [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).

Hi all,
I went to Fortress Festival in Scarborough this weekend just gone and had a blast. There's some discussion going on here but I wanted to do a write up specifically for those who couldn't make it. I've included links to respective bandcamp pages and all of the band pictures/videos are mine!
First of all...
The Venue
After driving almost five hours to get there and checking into the BNB, walking up to this was quite an experience. Right on the sea front, Scarborough Spa is made up of multiple rooms. The entire festival took place on one stage in this room. There was a bar at the end and another in a quiet room downstairs (which also doubled up as a great place to charge your phone). Carling, Madri, Caffreys, Aspalls, and a couple others on draft. Cheapest pints were £5 and there was a lovely Fortress reusable cup you could get for £3. Made the mistake of doing this straight away on Friday and having to carry it around for the rest of the day. There was also a lovely Fortress ale for this event but it ran out pretty sharpish. Also worth noting that staff were incredibly friendly, from the local security + bar staff to the festival organisers themselves.
The only food on offer were things like sandwiches and pots of salad and pasta behind the bar. I'd heard they wanted food trucks but couldn't get them in due to a wedding going on on the Saturday. Apart from a couple of hours during the wedding, there was a great big balcony with a fantastic view of the sea and plenty of places to perch.
Entering the venue was super easy, hand in the paper ticket and receive your wristband. I'd heard of a few people forgetting their ticket but apparently confirmation of purchase was enough to claim your wristband which was nice. IN the entrance foyer there was the Fortress Festival merch stand as well as a few others. One who's name I didn't get were selling tons of pins and patches, then there were records and tapes from Onism Productions and Dark Earth Records. If you know any of the other companies there let me know! The band merch was just inside the main room and there was some great stuff on offer. I left with a Nemorous t-shirt and a Panopticon tour t-shirt as well as a copy of Kentucky, which was kindly signed by Austin Lunn after I bumped into him in the crowd. That really made my weekend.
The Music
Friday
The important bit. Friday kicked off at 2pm with English BM band Andracca and what an opener it was. Crowd was disappointingly light for them and I felt a little bad but it was the very first set of the entire festival. They still earned some new fans, myself included. Great energy and intensity.
Next came another English BM band - Andartar. Heavier than Andracca but similarly great intensity. I knew I'd stumbled upon a brilliant festival already at this point. Another pic. Lighting was great throughout the whole fest.
Slight change of pace next with Devastator, a black thrash band from Derby. First pit of the weekend starts, even if it only consisted of around 6 people. They got a great reception and put on a good show and their set was 30 minutes, same as the two before.
Then we get to our first jaw drop of the festival. The Sun's Journey Through The Night. One man band from England recently nominated for Metalhammer's Song of the Week. Incredible performance and highly recommend them. Nice theatrics with the horned skull mask and just fantastic energy from everyone involved. I also got a drumstick from them, cheers!
Wode come next. 40 minute set this time. Manchester black/death metal. Loved his vocals.
Then we have Finnish pagans Havukruunu. Setting the 'atmospheric' tone for the rest of the evening with a nice intro. Place was looking full now, though it was amazing how spacey the room felt. Should also note the crowd was really chilled and friendly. Great set, loved the bassist's bullet crown.
Time for the headliners. I say headliners because they both played for the same amount of time and both felt like they had the right to finish the first day off. So - an hour's set from the magnificent Can Bardd from Switzerland. Beautiful atmospheric folky black metal, many people said they were their favourite band of the weekend. Great set and, as you can see, the place was really alive. Popped out for a smoke and thought 'what a place'.
To finish off, Saor from Scotland. First time hearing electric bagpipes which was a fun experience. Just like every other one that day it was a brilliant set, the crowd were really into it and I especially enjoyed the flute(?). Frontman Andy engaged spoke with the crowd a few times. Devastated to find out from someone that he was a Rangers fan but seemed a nice guy. Nice view leaving the spa. Day 1 over, time for this fucking incredible kebab. So good.
​
Saturday
Made the 30 minute drive to Whitby before the festival kicked off, mostly to see Dracula's gaff. Impressive place but cost £15 to get in - FYI, you can just walk in through the exit in the gift shop...
Made it back to Scarborough Spa - which was once again looking ravishing - just in time for the post-black metal openers from Birmingham, Lunar Mercia, at 12:30. Really nice sound and lovely vocalist who I'd spoken to the day before.
Next we have Nemorous. Basically Wodensthrone v2 as it's made up of mostly ex-members. Started amazingly, finished amazingly, but suffered a very unfortunate snapped guitar string in the middle that seemed to take an AGE to restring. The crowd was totally sympathetic but you could feel the frustration from the entire band, I can't imagine how disappointed they were. Think they only managed around four songs but they did a great job and I went and bought a t-shirt afterwards. Visceral vocals and first keyboardist of the festival.
My personal highlight of the weekend came at the end of Nemorous' set. Just before they started I checked in at the Panopticon stand and got myself a copy of Kentucky. £80 on Discogs currently but they were selling them for £35. That alone made me very happy, but, whilst watching Nemorous, I noticed a familiar face. There was Austin Lunn from Panopticon, the reason I bought the ticket to this festival, going ham at the barrier (the guy with the hair, obviously). Once the set finished he very kindly signed my copy of Kentucky after I frantically searched for a marker pen and got a photo with him. He stuck around to chat for a few minutes and was one of the nicest musicians I've ever met. So enthusiastic and asking loads of questions. My weekend was made and absolutely nothing could've ruined it at that point.
I missed Wyrdstaef and Glemsel, though I hear both were great, so I could take my merch back to my lodgings before I got stuck into the rest of the day.
After a short break and a few beers I got back in time for Ard. Described as 'Monastic Northumbrian doom', Ard is the project of Mark Deeks from Winterfylleth. As a one man project he was naturally assisted by the rest of Winterfylleth! This was a real change of pace from the black metal we'd been listening to since early Friday afternoon and he did thank everybody for sticking around for him 'even though there were no blast beats'. Really enjoyable set.
Next, Ante-Inferno, from Scarborough itself, with the drummer being the organiser of the festival, Gary. Really been enjoying their most recent album 'Antediluvian Dreamscapes' and they were a class act. In case you haven't caught on, everyone at this festival was fucking great. Really loved the vocals here.
Here we have one of my biggest highlights of the weekend and a band I've not stopped listening to since I left Scarborough. Afsky, from Denmark. They rendered me absolutely speechless. Sure, the wood and the torches and the industrial fan were a nice touch, but they played with an intensity I hadn't seen to this point. The sound was amazing and the screams were just top drawer. As you can see in this video, it was way busier on the Saturday. Room was packed but, like Friday, far from cramped. I've listened to them every day since Saturday and I finished one of their albums on the drive home.
It was getting real misty at this point. Eldritch powers or smoke machine, who can say?
Penultimate act of the day, English black metal darlings Winterfylleth. Mark Deeks from Ard back behind the keyboard this time. I'm a fan of Winterfylleth and it was my first time seeing them but I wasn't really blown away. They were good, I think I just expected them to be better. Or maybe it was the anticipation of Panopticon around the corner... either way, there was a better pit this time as well as a few corpse-painted balloons floating around. Very kvlt.
Finally, my time had come. I bought my ticket for Fortress the moment I heard Panopticon were there. One of my favourite black metal bands, with Kentucky being one of my favourite albums of all time. At this point, around 21:30, I hadn't had a pint for about 2 hours to avoid needing a piss and losing my spot at the front. I got right to the barrier, which was insanely easy, and waited it out. Soundcheck took a little while and the whole fest was probably running a solid 15/20 mins behind. Think Austin Lunn spent more time trying to balance his 'Commonwealth of Kentucky' flag on his amp than actually doing the soundcheck, not that I was complaining.
And then we were off. They were fucking amazing in every way. I was emotional. So much Kentucky material, including the wonderful little folky bits. Austin wasn't satisfied with the sound at the start and kept asking for more guitar, not that it interrupted his flow at all. Though, the string instrument they were using (fiddle? violin? idk) could've definitely been a bit louder. Austin's vocals were fantastic but I was utterly blown away by their keyboardist, who's name I don't know. Guitar work was fantasticand at times it sounded just like the studio album.
Austin did an impromptu meet and greet afterwards, just jumped down from the stage and started to chatting to people. Really phenomenal set. Sadly it was the end of the road for me, as I couldn't stay for Sunday's lineup due to work, but I had had an incredible time and finishing with Panopticon was a moment I'll never forget.
I heard Sunday was also good, though I think it would be fair to say the lineup was slightly weaker. Heard great things about Abduction and Cenotaphe, though I've heard a few things about Bolzer having a nightmare with soundchecking (as in it took fucking ages and he had a go at the sound engineer - and someone may have heckled him?) but I can't say much more as I wasn't there. A friend did say they were really good once that got out of the way.
Final thoughts
Favourite sets: Panopticon, Afsky, The Suns Journey Through The Night. In that order.
Best pint: Caffreys. What a drink. Don't see much of that down south.
Best moment: meeting Austin Lunn and getting him to sign my Kentucky record. And that kebab.
Fortress is one of the best festivals I've ever been to. Not because it was flashy or had the best lineup or anything like that (though Panopticon puts it up there for me), but just because it was so well organised and chilled. Everyone was super friendly, there was zero hassle, the venue was incredible, and all the bands delivered. They've already confirmed they're going again for 2024 and they're moving to the bigger room at Scarborough Spa which holds 1800 and looks awesome. It's going from 3 days to 2 days (Saturday and Sunday). Here's their Facebook page and there's a forum with plenty more pictures and discussion and links to other black metal gigs in the UK, worth joining.
There's nothing new here for people that did go, but I'm hoping it'll be an enjoyable read/watch/listen for some who didn't and it may entice you to buy a ticket for next year. I've got no affiliation with the festival, just a new regular! Thanks for suggesting I do a write up, ScarlyLamorna. Thanks to anyone who reads my wall of text. I'm not a writer or anything of the sort, this is just some personal musings with some action shots. Also, if anyone went Sunday and wants to add a write up, please do!
Feel free to ask any questions/request any more pics or videos.

I [24M] don't even know where to begin. It all started back in February 2018, when fate brought us together through a mutual friend. Let's call her Rose. We connected over the phone and eventually on Facebook. At first, our conversations were casual, and I found myself texting her constantly while she responded sporadically. But despite the uncertainty, we kept talking. We were both in Delhi at the time, she in her first year of MBBS and I, a dropper preparing for NEET coaching. In my heart, I knew I had to meet her, so I lied to my parents, telling them I was taking a mock test, and traveled back to Delhi to see her for the first time. The problem was, Rose was still struggling to get over a past relationship that had ended eight months prior. Nevertheless, I persisted, pouring my heart and soul into making her happy. We grew closer with each passing day, even though our relationship was long distance. On May 6th, 2018, a day before I was set to return to my hometown in Jharkhand, she said yes, and we embarked on what I thought would be a wonderful journey together. We were both serious about our relationship, but perhaps she was even more committed than I was. I adored showering her with gifts, like the guitar she loved or the letters I would send her in her hostel. I wanted to help her explore her fashion sense and see her blossom. Over time, she transformed from a 5/10 to an 8/10 in my eyes. Everything seemed perfect, and our bond grew stronger. In January 2019, we met again and shared our first kiss—a passionate moment that left an indelible mark on both of us.
Life took a turn when I moved to Mumbai in July 2019. The stress of adapting to a new city, coupled with my deteriorating mental health, started to take a toll on our relationship. I battled anxiety and depression, and ANOTHER girl from my school started texting me and we ended up being together in long distance relationship for 6 months. Rose remained oblivious to this, and I still carry the guilt and regret of not telling her the truth.
Then came the COVID-19 lockdown, which exacerbated the tensions within my family. My strict father, who struggled to bridge the generation gap, added to the pressure I felt about my career. Anxiety consumed me, and the weight of everyday life became an unbearable burden. Although Rose was always there for me, supporting and loving me, I began questioning our relationship. It was on March 26th, 2022, after four long years, that I made the heart-wrenching decision to break it off. I felt a strange mix of relief and guilt. We didn't communicate much for a month, as she was busy with her hospital internship. But for me, the absence only made the void in my heart grow. I realized my mistake and began texting her in May 2022, hoping for another chance. She had moved on, yet we agreed to meet one last time in Delhi. It was during this meeting that we shared an uncomfortable sexual experience, leaving us both with regret. The struggle continued as I oscillated between wanting to convince her to get back together and succumbing to anxiety and doubt when she agreed. This pattern repeated several times. Then, in August 2022, I moved to Bangalore, only to find out that she had started dating someone else from her college. The news triggered me, and I found it hard to breathe, consumed by anxiety attacks. I turned to alcohol and smoking as unhealthy coping mechanisms. I would often drunk dial her, desperately seeking solace. Ultimately, my actions caused their relationship to crumble. She pleaded with me to seek therapy, but I foolishly demanded that she end things with her new partner before I would consider it. To my wonder, she did broke up with that guy for me. But I used to annoy her by drunk dialing her. It was a terrible mistake, and she decided to block me in December 2022. I lost control and spiraled further into a whirlwind of emotions, losing weight rapidly. After some time, I managed to request that she unblock me, and we started to rebuild our connection. I kept my distance, refraining from calling or texting excessively, but she never left my thoughts. Even now, in June 2023, I find myself unable to move on. Every day, I regret the decision to end our relationship.
Reddit, I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I understand that I can't force her to come back to me, but I can't shake off the memories and feelings I have for her. She is becoming more beautiful with each passing day, and it tears me apart. How do I cope with the regret and pain? Is there any hope for redemption? Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I [24M] don't even know where to begin. It all started back in February 2018, when fate brought us together through a mutual friend. Let's call her Rose. We connected over the phone and eventually on Facebook. At first, our conversations were casual, and I found myself texting her constantly while she responded sporadically. But despite the uncertainty, we kept talking. We were both in Delhi at the time, she in her first year of MBBS and I, a dropper preparing for NEET coaching. In my heart, I knew I had to meet her, so I lied to my parents, telling them I was taking a mock test, and traveled back to Delhi to see her for the first time. The problem was, Rose was still struggling to get over a past relationship that had ended eight months prior. Nevertheless, I persisted, pouring my heart and soul into making her happy. We grew closer with each passing day, even though our relationship was long distance. On May 6th, 2018, a day before I was set to return to my hometown in Jharkhand, she said yes, and we embarked on what I thought would be a wonderful journey together. We were both serious about our relationship, but perhaps she was even more committed than I was. I adored showering her with gifts, like the guitar she loved or the letters I would send her in her hostel. I wanted to help her explore her fashion sense and see her blossom. Over time, she transformed from a 5/10 to an 8/10 in my eyes. Everything seemed perfect, and our bond grew stronger. In January 2019, we met again and shared our first kiss—a passionate moment that left an indelible mark on both of us.
Life took a turn when I moved to Mumbai in July 2019. The stress of adapting to a new city, coupled with my deteriorating mental health, started to take a toll on our relationship. I battled anxiety and depression, and ANOTHER girl from my school started texting me and we ended up being together in long distance relationship for 6 months. Rose remained oblivious to this, and I still carry the guilt and regret of not telling her the truth.
Then came the COVID-19 lockdown, which exacerbated the tensions within my family. My strict father, who struggled to bridge the generation gap, added to the pressure I felt about my career. Anxiety consumed me, and the weight of everyday life became an unbearable burden. Although Rose was always there for me, supporting and loving me, I began questioning our relationship. It was on March 26th, 2022, after four long years, that I made the heart-wrenching decision to break it off. I felt a strange mix of relief and guilt. We didn't communicate much for a month, as she was busy with her hospital internship. But for me, the absence only made the void in my heart grow. I realized my mistake and began texting her in May 2022, hoping for another chance. She had moved on, yet we agreed to meet one last time in Delhi. It was during this meeting that we shared an uncomfortable sexual experience, leaving us both with regret. The struggle continued as I oscillated between wanting to convince her to get back together and succumbing to anxiety and doubt when she agreed. This pattern repeated several times. Then, in August 2022, I moved to Bangalore, only to find out that she had started dating someone else from her college. The news triggered me, and I found it hard to breathe, consumed by anxiety attacks. I turned to alcohol and smoking as unhealthy coping mechanisms. I would often drunk dial her, desperately seeking solace. Ultimately, my actions caused their relationship to crumble. She pleaded with me to seek therapy, but I foolishly demanded that she end things with her new partner before I would consider it. To my wonder, she did broke up with that guy for me. But I used to annoy her by drunk dialing her. It was a terrible mistake, and she decided to block me in December 2022. I lost control and spiraled further into a whirlwind of emotions, losing weight rapidly. After some time, I managed to request that she unblock me, and we started to rebuild our connection. I kept my distance, refraining from calling or texting excessively, but she never left my thoughts. Even now, in June 2023, I find myself unable to move on. Every day, I regret the decision to end our relationship.
Reddit, I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I understand that I can't force her to come back to me, but I can't shake off the memories and feelings I have for her. She is becoming more beautiful with each passing day, and it tears me apart. How do I cope with the regret and pain? Is there any hope for redemption? Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I [24M] don't even know where to begin. It all started back in February 2018, when fate brought us together through a mutual friend. Let's call her Rose. We connected over the phone and eventually on Facebook. At first, our conversations were casual, and I found myself texting her constantly while she responded sporadically. But despite the uncertainty, we kept talking. We were both in Delhi at the time, she in her first year of MBBS and I, a dropper preparing for NEET coaching. In my heart, I knew I had to meet her, so I lied to my parents, telling them I was taking a mock test, and traveled back to Delhi to see her for the first time. The problem was, Rose was still struggling to get over a past relationship that had ended eight months prior. Nevertheless, I persisted, pouring my heart and soul into making her happy. We grew closer with each passing day, even though our relationship was long distance. On May 6th, 2018, a day before I was set to return to my hometown in Jharkhand, she said yes, and we embarked on what I thought would be a wonderful journey together. We were both serious about our relationship, but perhaps she was even more committed than I was. I adored showering her with gifts, like the guitar she loved or the letters I would send her in her hostel. I wanted to help her explore her fashion sense and see her blossom. Over time, she transformed from a 5/10 to an 8/10 in my eyes. Everything seemed perfect, and our bond grew stronger. In January 2019, we met again and shared our first kiss—a passionate moment that left an indelible mark on both of us.
Life took a turn when I moved to Mumbai in July 2019. The stress of adapting to a new city, coupled with my deteriorating mental health, started to take a toll on our relationship. I battled anxiety and depression, and ANOTHER girl from my school started texting me and we ended up being together in long distance relationship for 6 months. Rose remained oblivious to this, and I still carry the guilt and regret of not telling her the truth.
Then came the COVID-19 lockdown, which exacerbated the tensions within my family. My strict father, who struggled to bridge the generation gap, added to the pressure I felt about my career. Anxiety consumed me, and the weight of everyday life became an unbearable burden. Although Rose was always there for me, supporting and loving me, I began questioning our relationship. It was on March 26th, 2022, after four long years, that I made the heart-wrenching decision to break it off. I felt a strange mix of relief and guilt. We didn't communicate much for a month, as she was busy with her hospital internship. But for me, the absence only made the void in my heart grow. I realized my mistake and began texting her in May 2022, hoping for another chance. She had moved on, yet we agreed to meet one last time in Delhi. It was during this meeting that we shared an uncomfortable sexual experience, leaving us both with regret. The struggle continued as I oscillated between wanting to convince her to get back together and succumbing to anxiety and doubt when she agreed. This pattern repeated several times. Then, in August 2022, I moved to Bangalore, only to find out that she had started dating someone else from her college. The news triggered me, and I found it hard to breathe, consumed by anxiety attacks. I turned to alcohol and smoking as unhealthy coping mechanisms. I would often drunk dial her, desperately seeking solace. Ultimately, my actions caused their relationship to crumble. She pleaded with me to seek therapy, but I foolishly demanded that she end things with her new partner before I would consider it. To my wonder, she did broke up with that guy for me. But I used to annoy her by drunk dialing her. It was a terrible mistake, and she decided to block me in December 2022. I lost control and spiraled further into a whirlwind of emotions, losing weight rapidly. After some time, I managed to request that she unblock me, and we started to rebuild our connection. I kept my distance, refraining from calling or texting excessively, but she never left my thoughts. Even now, in June 2023, I find myself unable to move on. Every day, I regret the decision to end our relationship.
Reddit, I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I understand that I can't force her to come back to me, but I can't shake off the memories and feelings I have for her. She is becoming more beautiful with each passing day, and it tears me apart. How do I cope with the regret and pain? Is there any hope for redemption? Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I [24M] don't even know where to begin. It all started back in February 2018, when fate brought us together through a mutual friend. Let's call her Rose. We connected over the phone and eventually on Facebook. At first, our conversations were casual, and I found myself texting her constantly while she responded sporadically. But despite the uncertainty, we kept talking. We were both in Delhi at the time, she in her first year of MBBS and I, a dropper preparing for NEET coaching. In my heart, I knew I had to meet her, so I lied to my parents, telling them I was taking a mock test, and traveled back to Delhi to see her for the first time. The problem was, Rose was still struggling to get over a past relationship that had ended eight months prior. Nevertheless, I persisted, pouring my heart and soul into making her happy. We grew closer with each passing day, even though our relationship was long distance. On May 6th, 2018, a day before I was set to return to my hometown in Jharkhand, she said yes, and we embarked on what I thought would be a wonderful journey together. We were both serious about our relationship, but perhaps she was even more committed than I was. I adored showering her with gifts, like the guitar she loved or the letters I would send her in her hostel. I wanted to help her explore her fashion sense and see her blossom. Over time, she transformed from a 5/10 to an 8/10 in my eyes. Everything seemed perfect, and our bond grew stronger. In January 2019, we met again and shared our first kiss—a passionate moment that left an indelible mark on both of us.
Life took a turn when I moved to Mumbai in July 2019. The stress of adapting to a new city, coupled with my deteriorating mental health, started to take a toll on our relationship. I battled anxiety and depression, and ANOTHER girl from my school started texting me and we ended up being together in long distance relationship for 6 months. Rose remained oblivious to this, and I still carry the guilt and regret of not telling her the truth.
Then came the COVID-19 lockdown, which exacerbated the tensions within my family. My strict father, who struggled to bridge the generation gap, added to the pressure I felt about my career. Anxiety consumed me, and the weight of everyday life became an unbearable burden. Although Rose was always there for me, supporting and loving me, I began questioning our relationship. It was on March 26th, 2022, after four long years, that I made the heart-wrenching decision to break it off. I felt a strange mix of relief and guilt. We didn't communicate much for a month, as she was busy with her hospital internship. But for me, the absence only made the void in my heart grow. I realized my mistake and began texting her in May 2022, hoping for another chance. She had moved on, yet we agreed to meet one last time in Delhi. It was during this meeting that we shared an uncomfortable sexual experience, leaving us both with regret. The struggle continued as I oscillated between wanting to convince her to get back together and succumbing to anxiety and doubt when she agreed. This pattern repeated several times. Then, in August 2022, I moved to Bangalore, only to find out that she had started dating someone else from her college. The news triggered me, and I found it hard to breathe, consumed by anxiety attacks. I turned to alcohol and smoking as unhealthy coping mechanisms. I would often drunk dial her, desperately seeking solace. Ultimately, my actions caused their relationship to crumble. She pleaded with me to seek therapy, but I foolishly demanded that she end things with her new partner before I would consider it. To my wonder, she did broke up with that guy for me. But I used to annoy her by drunk dialing her. It was a terrible mistake, and she decided to block me in December 2022. I lost control and spiraled further into a whirlwind of emotions, losing weight rapidly. After some time, I managed to request that she unblock me, and we started to rebuild our connection. I kept my distance, refraining from calling or texting excessively, but she never left my thoughts. Even now, in June 2023, I find myself unable to move on. Every day, I regret the decision to end our relationship.
Reddit, I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I understand that I can't force her to come back to me, but I can't shake off the memories and feelings I have for her. She is becoming more beautiful with each passing day, and it tears me apart. How do I cope with the regret and pain? Is there any hope for redemption? Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

First part -> https://www.reddit.com/OffMyChestPH/comments/143438n/its_my_first_time_hearing_my_partner_sing_he?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
2019 - I was a 1st year college engineering student at ADU and she was a Grade 12 student at _ _ _, ayoko na i-mention yung school kasi kilala siya don hahaha. When I was in SHS, It never came across my mind na I will commit to anyone. I don't drink, I don't smoke but, I was a playboy. Fast forward, one of her friends, is also friends with my friend. When I first saw her, my intentions were not pure. I admit. When I got home, I messaged my friend to ask who she was, then diretso stalk sa facebook. Pero, may boyfriend siya that time. So of course, I know gago ako dati pero hindi ako mang-aagaw. So I just let it go since wala naman akong mapapala.
2020 - Pandemic came and I was bored again. Tapos naalala ko, nagstory yung kaibigan ko na kasama din siya don, throwback lang since bawal lumabas that time. So inistalk ko ulit siya sa facebook, twitter niya tapos instagram. So feeling ko, break na sila nung boyfriend niya that time kasi deleted na yung photos nila. So I added her on fb, after 4 days she accepted my request. I didn't message her yet because that time, I was busy handling our family business. So nag rereact na lang ako sa mga story niya, leaving hearts everywhere. Then I saw her shared post something like "Give me coffee, I'll love you forever." Since I don't know her address, I sent her a gif of coffee. After a few hours of waiting, all she said was "ulol HAHAHAHA", then of course, nagtuloy tuloy na yung conversation namin.
At first I thought she was just a typical girl, I'll get bored again. But hell no, I can tell by the way she types and choices of words, she's hella loud. Like real real loud person. Never a dull moment with her. After months of us talking non stop, she asked me, "magiging awkward ba pag nagkagusto ako sayo?" Then of course, I said no. BUT, for the first time, I really wanted her to like me. I wanted her to see me. So I told her everything that I was before meeting her. How shitty my personality was, How crappy I treated other girls, and how I was so sure that I will never be committed to anyone. Hindi siya nagreply after that. Akala ko that's the end of it but no, she messaged me at midnight, she told me na "it's okay, that was you" she also asked me if I was being truthful the whole time we've been talking, I said since there's no way that she would see me personally, I dont have to act or pretend. Believe it or not, she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, sabi ko yes. Hell, yes!
Ibang klase siya talaga, kakaibang kakaiba. Palagi kaming masaya, we never fought, no jealousy, and such. Then 1 night, she messaged me, told me she left home. Nagulat ako, because why? She was always happy. She never mentioned any problems she had sa house nila. When I came to fetch her, she cried so much. Sobrang nanibago ako because when we're vid calling, she's always smiling, laughing.. Pero sinasaktan pala siya sa bahay nila lalo na pag nalalasing tito niya. Sinasampal. Sinusuntok. She was always collecting evidence of her abuse. Mga sugat, yung mga pasa, gusto ko na lang bawian yung tito niya that time. Years and years, naranasan niya yon? So I promised myself, I will never hurt her.. Intentionally. Days have passed, I asked if she wanted to go back because her family kept on messaging me. I told her, we'll support her sa kung ano mang decision niya. She said no, she wanted to stay.
Now, we have 2 dogs and a happy life. But di pa ako nakukuntento, I'll marry her. Soon. Hopefully, this year. (di ko na papakita tong post sakanya)