When do shsat results come out

My ex of 5 years dumped me what appears to be back in February but now that I have been awake to it and seeing clearer since going NC for the past week I am realizing that it started long before that. Long story short, he only wants to be friends. After 5 years and an entire life built tigger her and family enmeshment. I’m not 100% sure of why but it had been made clear that it is 100% my fault. He thinks I’m a liar and I was. He was correct in that as I lied about my feelings 100% of the time which caused me to resent him and at times and had inappropriate text message exchanges with other guys 3 times during our 5 years that he found by snooping through my phone. That was my way of escaping this misery I created (I 100% own this, apologized, and he claimed to forgive me). Of course all but 1 of the times, the messages were months old by the time he started to snoop. Meanwhile he wanted to be open and I agreed and he slept around quite a bit and I had to be ok with it and I never slept with anyone. Mainly because I think I felt I deserved it to be this at because of the inappropriate text message exchanges I had.
I am confused because I am a reformed people pleaser (The word No or any negative feedback for him didn’t exist) and had a deep codependency on the relationship and when I decided to go no contact initially back in February and few time over the course of the last few months, I almost asked for permission from him. He was ok with it but gave me some BS response like “I will always love you and be here for you when you’re ready to talk”. It pissed me off but I had to be real with myself and admit that I was doing NC to somewhat manipulate him back into my life.
That didn’t work. So I fell back into the trap of communicating with him. Fast forward to the last three weeks or so, I have finally decided to just go NC and not give him a “heads up”. I just stopped responding and have focused on me. Completely left ALL social media, going to the gym daily, therapy 2x a week, eating better, mediating every morning, saying yes to hanging out with friends, solid travel plans. Completely dissolved my anxiety as I was intensely anxiously attached. I even took a long flight without WiFi or movies. Just me having to sit with myself. That was the HARDEST thing I’ve done thus far.
Anyway, he is now upset that I am not responding. For context, we have assets and semi-live together so there is a requirement for communication but I only respond to business. No responses to how my day is or anything like that. He continues to contact me asking me how my day is or asking for updates and he’s gotten clever enough to start the conversation with that and wrap it up with something that have no choice but to respond to. So when I only respond to the business, I’m now an asshole or he demands to know why I’m not responding.
It’s all too much. I’ve come to realize based on our very last conversation that he has no intention of working out our issues, forgiving me, or even owning his contributions to the state of our relationship. He sees me as a certain way and whatever that is has turned him off completely. He just wants to point out my flaws and blame me for everything wrong in the relationship. However, he wants to talk to me everyday. It’s so fucking weird and annoying and painful!
The cruelest part is that I’ve done all of this work to figure my self out over the course of the last 3 months. Owning my shit, apologizing, sharing my past traumas that caused me to show up in such toxic ways and why I “strayed” those few times, and what steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again and he still rejects me. I even confessed how much I missed him and he just ignored me. Then a few weeks later he gives me a little seedling of hope by telling me he was thinking of maybe giving us a fresh new start because he knows we belong together. I got excited and tried to unpack that only to realize that he had no real plan of how we were going to make that happen.
I have been contemplating blocking him completely. However, there is a tiny piece of hope deep within me. Then my brain kicks in and reminds me that there really is no hope. Even when I get close, I think of all the financial shit we have tied up together. I am not in a good place financially because of my people pleasing but I am in an amazingly good place emotionally and mentally because I don’t have the anxiety of worrying about his happiness or well being over mine.
I wish I knew what to do!

My husband and I (as well as our family of four teen boys - ages 14-17) have been through the wringer over the past severallll years, and that’s putting it lightly. Most of it we brought upon ourselves; not because we’re bad or hurtful people, but we just didn’t really ’get it’ back then like we’re starting to get the hang of it now.
The past year or two has fostered so much growth and change in our home and our family, and I am overjoyed and eternally grateful for the collective & individual progress we’ve all made. To see my family finally starting to embrace even the rough edges of life is a beautiful gift. To witness us all bringing the best out of each other (and our own selves), is well beyond the magnitude of the proverbial ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. It’s a beaming ray of hope, especially now that I have full faith that it’s a light we’ll make sure stays illuminated.
The communication, compassion, and understanding we’ve developed fowith one another feels like a genuine miracle. And that miracle feels even more significant knowing that it was man made. It was us made, even when it was difficult and sometimes even painful. We’re all going to make it because we chose to make it. We could no longer just anxiously sit back and hope that a beautiful outcome would fall into our laps, we finally figured out that we have to bust our asses to create it. 💪🏽
My husband and I have been watching and falling in love with the Ted Lasso series for the better part of these last two years, and it became such an unexpectedly influential show. It just sprang up outta nowhere and smacked us in the face in the best possible way. To see these characters (that truly reflect so much of ourselves, and the humans with which we share the world around us) grow and be vulnerable, and come together, and fuck up, and emerge wholly changed for the better was an indescribable experience.
The fact that this show came along and showed us an experience so similar to yet so different from the journey we were starting out on honestly feels like a cosmic gift. This is without a doubt the best show I have ever seen. It’s just a show… scripted, directed, and filmed just like any other, but I’ve never encountered anything else on television that holds the capacity to just naturally (and somehow still forcefully) shove such a significant amount of humanity, positivity, kindness and hope straight into the solar plexus of all its fans, lol. I think I have permanent goosebumps.
The impact the Ted Lasso series has left on me is one I will carry with me and use to the best of my ability most certainly forever. To any fellow TL fans reading this, no matter where things are for you, or what challenges you’re facing; keep fucking going. I am immeasurably proud of you for all you’ve overcome, and it’s no small feat that you’re still here; still standing. Keep going, and then keep. fucking. GOING. There are SO many beautiful moments ahead that are waiting for you. Don’t EVER discount the power you have to go out into the world and make those beautiful moments, no matter how small or fleeting they might seem. Your well-being is counting on it. And so is the well-being of complete strangers.
I’d give the obligatory Diamond Dog dismount “woof woof woofs”, but they’ll surely be too truncated with barely-choked-back tears, so I’ll let y’all take this one. DIAMOND DOGS, DISMOUNT! ❤️🐶

The Astrolith is connected to NOTHING else on the model itself & is held up only by that single flimsy piece of staff - that staff point above the hand holds up the weight of the entire Astrolith.
Be very careful when taking the Astrolith & staff off the sprue. I think mine bent slightly in the clipping off, & when I was cleaning it it bent further. There’s a sprue connection point on the saurus’ hand, so that will be a very careful work to get that sanded down.
When building the model, do not attach the left arm before attaching the necklace piece. Attach the necklace first, then the second piece of the shoulder guard. Then attach the left arm.
Be careful out there, my scaly siblings!

I just started using tret a couple months ago. I’m about finished with my first tube 0.025%
I always used rosehip oil, then tret, wait 20 minutes and use my heavier night cream (ceramedx ultra moisturizing cream).
After lurking this sub I’ve found I should NOT be using rosehip oil before tret so I stopped but now my skin is broken out, red, and peeling. It was looking great when I used rosehip before and I’m tempted to do it again. What should I do?

I posted a few days ago, my estranged wife and I have been married for 4.5 years together almost 6, this was 6 years of gaslighting, love bombing, all the things...
3 months ago we had an argument and I told her to leave, I couldn't take feeling like I was always the bad guy, always wrong. We decided to live apart for a while we work on ourselves but still hung out, she'd ghost me, not reply to texts, ignore my calls, until she needed someone then oh how wonderful I was. The whole time I was under the impression that we were together still, couple of nights ago this blew wide open.
She'd drop off calls with me to go talk to her friends, and if I told her that made me feel unwanted and hurt she'd tell me I don't want her to have friends, she wanted a social life. I NEVER said she couldn't have friends, just that hello! We are married, we are financially tied to each other please don't blow me off.. I'd tell her that I was scared she didn't love me anymore, she was going to leave me because now she had new friends, I was being replaced. She'd swear up down and center that it wasn't true, used that I was having anxiety issues and again, I was trying to say she couldn't have friends. Again, not my point, I just needed reassurance.
Last week we got into a huge argument and things were said between us that can't be unsaid, she ghosted me again until Wednesday when she called me all in a panic that she didn't have gas, or money for gas and her daughter ( my step daughter not my bio child) was in the car, it was about 80 degrees. I couldn't just let this child sit around in a car. So I caved, I went and bought her gas, we spent the day together she was holding my hand leaning her head on my shoulder. I interacted with her daughter all day. End of the day she hugs me and I'm crying cause I knew it was hit or miss when she'd talk to me again. She tells me she's not going anywhere that we were meant to be. I went in my home thinking that we were good and for the first time in a while didn't cry myself to sleep.
Then Thursday she texts me worried about the phone bill, I told her I'd pay my half of it, and that would be enough to keep our phones on, as who can live in 2023 without a phone? I shit you not as soon as I paid she ghosted me finally calls me hours later talks for a while, says she needs to get daughter to bed she'll call me back. Hours go by, no call back, I call her and she acts all surprised that I did, I told her she said she'd call me back she claims this didn't happen. I ask her why she's playing games with me, why tell me we were meant to be and then ghost me, why show me affection then act like I'm invisible. She tells me she didn't say that, then tries to say she was showing me affection cause she could tell I needed it. She had finally come clean and told me that she hadn't been staying with her father and stepmother but was staying with her friend. I ask her if she has feelings for this person. She tells me she does that we can be friends but the romantic part is over. This person strung me along for 3 months thinking we were going to be together and now has me blocked. Her crap is in my apartment, I have the spare key to her car, hell I have her social security card! Bills that are in her name, not mine, thank God. But bills that aren't paid, belongings of her daughter. And she has me blocked. I just want this narc nightmare to be over. She has me all kinds of messed up right now, I'm crying constantly, I'm confused I feel like I must be crazy, and I feel really really stupid for putting up with this for 6 years.for tying my life to maybe the worst human I have ever met.
Moral of the story if your gut tells you something is wrong, don't listen to someone trying to tell you that it's in your head.
TLDR married 4.5 years to a narc, whose final betrayal was leading me on while playing house with someone else.

Hello. Im 17 and I feel like that I am held back by my family a bit. My parents are extremely wealthy and they are at a point of their life where their worries doesn’t lie on the bills for tax or mortgages or how to keep the fridge full. More like where the next golf resort should be. At this point they have got all sorts of things taken care of and all they do is spending that money for fun ( which is very understandable ). They watch a lot of movies, spend time behind the phones, bowling, karting in tracks, trips in hotels and etc. this leads me to have tremendous amount of fun, thinking there is no tomorrow. But recently I’ve come to notice that within all these occasions I am lacking the skills that someone my age should have. I believe that because they have done everything possible already, they also expect me to lack the excitement I have for the things they’ve done. I love working, EVEN FOR FREE yet I have no work experience ; I can barely talk to someone my age cause all I have done to this point has involved money or some adult in it. There is not a single conversation I’ve held for longer that 5 minutes with someone my age that at the end doesn’t lead to monthly expenses or bragging about where we spent the holiday. It has become this revolting feeling of self grief and a 2 way road. One way is to commit to things I love doing and ditch my family a little bit, or the second way is to keep going down the rabbit hole. They’ve never ditched supporting me financially nonetheless, but its not always about the money. Yes I do live in a penthouse with a private gym and pool, but its been 2 years my parents haven’t bat an eye on the gym equipment. I’m the only one maintaining that room, cause no one works out. Long story short, the money is there, but deep down I don’t feel supported by them and they simply think money is satisfaction. What can I do?

I'm in my 50's. I went out on a date the other night and the kind, beautiful lady knocked me off my feet. Everything was so smooth-flowing with natural conversation, shared interests, the same outlook on life, and even flirting with light touching on the shoulders and thighs. I was the assertive one but she fell right into place and reciprocated. We closed the restaurant down and sat in my car for a bit where it turned to kissing and more petting. Her kiss seemed uncertain or non-committal for lack of a better way to say it. I chalked it up to the fact that maybe she's just not that great of a kisser (my last girlfriend of 4 years was an amazing kisser). We both had eaten a mint so I don't think it was bad breath. Well, she had to work the next day so we parted ways.
I texted her later in the evening to tell her that I really enjoyed her company and would love to see her again if she's up to it. Her response was, "It was nice to meet you. It seems as though we clicked - lots in common. You were not too handsy and you were respectful of boundaries for sure! I learned that I'm not ready to be with anyone yet. It scared me after our date .... that I liked someone - I want to be on my own longer."
My read was that she was just letting me down softly to try and not hurt my feelings and that this was an excuse. But then I remembered that she told me she was deeply in love with someone a year ago and they separated for a bit. While separated, the guy died. So, she really could be having a hard time with just now starting to date again.
My question: Should I just take her response at face value or should I read it as a "no" and move on? I really like her and it felt reciprocated throughout our amazing date. I don't want to be 'that creepy guy' and not leave her alone. I sent her one text a couple of days later (at the advice of a friend) that simply said, "Just checking in on you. 🌷 I hope you're having a good week!" in which she replied, "I'm doing well (my name). Thank you for checking on me." - Ladies, what's your take on this? Should I completely let go or check back at some point in the future?
Will you please mention your age when you reply? Thx!

I live in Lakeville and am coming to the conclusion that I should probably check out the gorgeous hiking areas that may be around central Minnesota. Anyone have any recommendations that are good for human and dogs that are within like an hour of the cities? It would be a huge bonus if it's an area that dogs are able to be off leash too, though I know most places do have leash laws.

By happenstance, I was a lifelong delta flyer, likely because much of my family lived in the Atlanta area when I was growing up.
Delta was the first airline that I opted to get a frequent flyer account with and since I had a few bad experiences here and there flying United or American, I felt like Delta really was the best airline. I have the delta reserve card as well as the regular cobranded amex and have been actively building up miles over the last five years. I have been a platinum medallion since before the pandemic and now that things in my own life have lined up so that I can take more vacations I was really excited to cash those miles in.
Only to find out that the miles are absolutely frigging worthless! I am flying my family of four to Cabo this summer and am literally paying more in miles than I would if I were paying cash, what the hell????
Additionally, it feels like every perk that they've touted as a benefit of being a lotal customer, they make so hard to actually cash in and enjoy. Wouldn't it make more sense to shower me with a sense of luxury and privilege when I cash in some perk? Instead they do everything they can to water it down.
I am basically cashing out all my chips, switching to the platinum amex not affiliated with delta, will transfer status to one of the other airlines and just enjoy the wildly cheaper fares and the wildly better miles redemption that the others have.
Any suggestions on which airlines you guys think are better? Who has the best first class?

So for context, I’m 17(F) and my mother is 34(F). So I haven’t lived with my mother for 12 years and 5 and a half years ago, I moved in with her. I was finally happy to live with her, as I was living with my aunt for my entire life. I moved in with her, hopefully thinking that I’d have more freedom in my life but she’s worse than what I thought I was going through. In 8th grade, she told me I wouldn’t be able to go to the school I wanted to go to because of my grades, so I ended up making myself feel bad and I never went to the audition. I never really knew what depression was because I never had to go through it at all. I got diagnosed with it after I moved in with my mom. I used to be sad all the time, thinking I was always doing something wrong and then realized it wasn’t my fault, it was my mother’s. I recently learned that depression doesn’t always come with sadness, but it can be anger too. I’ve gotten pretty angry because I started fighting back with my mom because I’m really sick and tired of what she puts me through. So, I have alopecia and one time I was putting eyeshadow to cover my spot because I hate it, and she called me baldie and then got mad at me when I started crying at the fact she called me that. My little sister (Ginny, fake name) is 6 years old and my other sister (Hailey, fake name) is 13 years old. Hailey and Ginny go to the same school but Hailey leaves before Ginny does. Ginny’s father (Ben, fake name, 34M) is supposed to take Ginny to school every morning, but my mom and Ben would argue all the time and he would get kicked out of the house, meaning I would have to miss my first period to take Ginny to her bus stop. Then Ben came back, but my mom never gave the responsibility of him being a father back, so I’ve been taking Ginny to school even though Ben changed his work shift specifically for him to be able to take her to school. I don’t know what I should do. I might be moving out as soon as I graduate and live with my grandma. Should I confront her about my feelings? Or should I do that as soon as I leave and then tell her? I want to get help for my anger management, but she hasn’t been helping me at all to try and get that type of help. I don’t know what to do. Reddit please help me.

So, I was playing my third game in my Champions Finals, and we both had TOTS Saka in our teams. But, his Saka was blazingly fast, and mine was struggling to just even collect the ball. My Saka was running like he had ankle weights or sticky boots or something. Not just that, even basic thing like passing, nop, not just saka, but no one in my team was able to do one simple pass. And before you say skill gap, you at least know how to pass the ball. I also noticed the animations. My players had extra slow animation. So, if let's say I trigger the run of my striker, and by the time my player collects the ball and makes the pass, the striker is in offside position. And it clearly was visible how sluggish the animation was. Why is it like that? I mean, I am all sport when it comes to legitimate losses, but losses in games like these sucks! Please help on what I can do to counter this.

My ocd is super hot this week (I have my period anyway now) it has been jumping theme to theme:
“What if I truly don’t love him and I’m just in denial ? What If I don’t want to be with him and I’m truly in denial?”
“What if I’m just in denial of any problems in the relationship/flags?”
I’m in therapy. And my partner loves the idea of couples therapy if it comes down to it. Right now it’s all okay it’s just fear that overtakes me (Esp right now with my period).
I’ve gone over every possible concern with my partner and therpist - and from both ends , nothing screams red flags. But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m trapping myself by committing (we want to get married in the near future, and it’s a goal we are trying to reach).
Here is the thing, I was married before at 22 years old and it was an abusive relationship. The abuse didn’t come out till we got married :(. I also told him everything I wanted in life and expected from the relationship for 2 years that we were dating, and gave him plenty of opportunities to leave , but he didn’t. I asked him if he was really happy with me and wanted this life and he said “yes”. That was a lie. He told me 10mo after we were married that he never wanted to marry me, he never loved me, and he doesn’t want to be with me…. He just didn’t know how to break it off (what a whimp)! Do you see where my fear steams from?!? I told my ex husband while we were dating all my travel goals and desires and he agreed and loved to travel. We even took 2 big trips together while dating so I believed him.
My current soon to be fiancé loves to travel. But I’m just so scared. What if I’m married and I’m trapped ? Meaning he say we will take a trip but we really don’t ? What if my partner says , when married , it’s different and I’m trapped ? It means I made a mistake and it’s not recoverable. But I’d still want to be with him as long as he’s not beating me up. :(
My future fiancé has already said he doesn’t want me to feel or be trapped. And that he’s not my ex-husband.
I’m so scared that I’m going to trap him too. :( Meaning, when I get married I’m going to realize I don’t love him, never wanted to be with him, and that I just played him on like my ex-husband did to me. My ocd convinces me at time I’m just going down the path of my ex-husband , and this time I’ll be the bad guy.
My therapists has also confirmed these are TRAMA BASED fears that I’m dealing with. Seeing that my ex promised me one thing and did a 360… I’m so scared my partner will do the same, or I will.
How can we get married with ocd ? :( any success stories? I’m so scared if I feel panic at engagement, or wedding, I’ll run away.. I don’t want to. I just wish I can wake up, and be married to my best friend ;(
It’s as if the steps (milestones) and wedding day is a huge trigger. A symbol.

I need your help guys. I'm usually very professional and work in a field with high ranking people. I've been working here for a year and some change and have been told my my immediate report that my performance is much better than the guy who i replaced(I'll call the guy I replaced Dylan) But we both report to a high ranking person who i will call John for the purposes of this question.
Anyway... In the months leading up to the guy I replaced being let go i noticed that John has a habit of trying to humiliate or making people look like a fool in front of the whole team by asking absurd questions and then throwing little fits when he doesn't get the right answer back. I watched him do this to Dylan in front of everyone before and Dylan just sat there and took it.
John had never done this to me, until a few days ago when he started asking me absurd questions which were outside the scope of my presentation and which my immediate report did not tell me to prepare for. John kept asking really technical questions and trying to put me under pressure by saying 'think about it now' and when i said I didn't know he would turn to the team and say that we all need to know our job (basically saying i don't know what I'm talking about) and he just kept doing this slide after slide. And 40 min into my presentation i noticed that it was HE who had spent the majority of the time talking.
Anyway this kept going but I felt like he was trying to make a fool out of me in front of everyone. My job is to have a broad understanding of the topic but he kept asking questions that would be more appropriate for an engineer to answer. Anyway .... Everytime I would say that I didn't know exactly he would roll his eyes and keep turning towards the team and spout out stuff as if he was schooling us.
This kept going and I eventually kind of lost my cool because it was obvious he was trying to destroy my credibility in front of everyone. The last thing we said was "you know what I don't know" but I will admit it had a slight tone.
After that happened he said "I've had enough" and then he slapped his pen into the printout i had given him and slapped his book on the table and turned towards my immediate report and said "if you can't find someone who does know then find someone who does" which i took as a threat to fire me / him trying to hold my job over my head. Then he got up and walked back to his office. About an hour later i was told to telework from home for the next few days.
I understand i lost my patience but I don't feel like his behavior is appropriate and I'm not going to let him treat me like he did Dylan. I honestly feel like he tries to make a fool out of people during their presentations... Like he gets a kick out of it.
What should I do?

I have been having mid day nausea that lasts for hours. I usually start to feel better in the evening but I’m too tired at that point in the day to workout. When I do work out I am feeling too weak/nauseous during my workouts and can’t get a good workout in
I’m drinking plenty of wateelectrolytes. I am not eating too little. What can help?? I want to be able to workout 4-5 days a week but it’s getting tough. I want to feel like I have energy again

In real life me and my ex broke up because I could not promise I would convert to his religion Last night had this dream: His parents were renting my moms house without knowing she was the owner. I stopped by to drop something to my mom and saw his mom playing outside with his niece. I snuck out of house so that his mom didn’t see me He comes back and wants to talk so we go on a walk. He starts in about me converting. I’m over the conversation which is interrupted when we walk into a festival. At the festival we run into a couple of my male friends who are drunk. I make introductions and everyone is friendly. The conversation continues and we are at dinner. At dinner ex tells me I don’t have to convert. I go to bathroom when I come out he has treats for me and an apology telling me he loves me and I don’t have to convert he’s sorry etc. he hands me a balloon and is holding candies. As we are walking out of restaurant he puts candy on the ground and wants me to step on it. I don’t want to step on candy because it would break the candy. He’s upset and I feel bad and thank him for the kind gesture try to explain I didn’t want to ruin the gift. We continue walking and he says the street is pretty and nice night. We get to my moms house and have to climb up scaffolding. First step is waist high. I’m holding balloon and treats. I think he’s going to turn around and help me. He doesn’t I get up the step and then he asks if I want help. As going up the scaffolding starts slipping back then it slowly starts tipping backward. He says be careful. My right thumb gets caught. I am able to release it. As we’re falling I tell him to watch his head. I put my hands over head and land in fetal position to protect my neck and head. Sharp jolt to the ground. I say his name. In real life woke up. Any thoughts as to meaning?

Hey. Here to vent and just talk about my experience and how to get over what has happened. Two days ago was my birthday and I am turning 28. I have been in almost a three year relationship with my boyfriend (living together for almost two years and shared pets) who is 37. We have been rocky since December. We have just started seeing a couples counselor and for the past three weeks have attempted to men our differences. I have been staying with my parents on the weekdays and him on the weekends (was living in a house he owned). We have been having a good time with intentional activities together and I have been trying to work on my short comings in therapy. He has been hesitant to put in effort in the relationship ship in the ways I need and I wanted to not be around him during the week because I WFH and he has been unemployed for over two years.
Well. We got into a fight on Tuesday and came close to breaking up. We didn’t break up and agreed go still see each other for my birthday on Friday (I took the day off work because he was going to plan something special). Thursday was my birthday and he texted me “happy birthday!” I called him and just acted normal and asked what we had planned. He was weird on the phone and quiet, he seemed like he didn’t really want to do something and I asked what’s up. One thing lead to another and he ended up saying that he wanted to break up because things have not been working for some time. I was so emotional and pathetically pleaded with him to get back with me. He said he wasn’t going to change his mind and said that he isn’t getting what he needs out of this relationship. I told him it is hard for me to show up in the ways he needs when he can’t do the same for me.
We spent a few hours throughout the day on the phone and ultimately the conclusion was to break up. My birthday felt like a wash and I have just been in my head and feeling like shit since. I thought we were going to be forever and it’s so painful that I felt like he took a special day away from me. I don’t feel entitled to much and usually like to do things for others, but I genuinely was looking forward to the weekend and plans I made with some friends for my birthday and now I’m just wallowing in self pity.
Anyway. I just wanted to share and let everyone know that no matter what life works out in seemingly funny and ironic ways. I’ll get through this and so will you! All we have is ourselves and when you think you know and love someone, they can still surprise you with awful and selfish behavior.
TLDR: I got dumped on my birthday over the phone by my partner of three years

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Ja’vail woke up with a yawn, her eyes squinting in the evening light. Her room was positioned in the castle on the west side, to ensure that Tor’s sun would wake her up for her duties. It was a purpose that it served with perfection, despite the fact that she really would have liked to sleep for a few more minutes.
However, her duty could not be delayed. It was her power that served as the linchpin to Tor’s spell, and she would fulfill her duty to ensure her Diarchy’s, and her world’s, future. With a grunt of exertion, Queen Ja’vail rose from her bed, stretched out her wings, and moved to the balcony before picking up her robe. As soon as she was somewhat decent, the Queen of the Night then opened her wings, looked to the skies, and began channeling her power into the spellform that had been weaved between the planet and its moon, renewing the bonds that connected them, and ensuring the delicate balance between her magic and her husband’s would not come undone.
She performed this ritual twice a day, every day, to ensure the spell’s continued existence. In the past few months she had performed it well before Tor had performed his own renewal, and had had to go remind the foolish drake to not only perform his duties, but to hurry up and get his tail to bed. Without her efforts, and her constant reminder to the king, the entire thing would come undone, ensuring their planet’s rapid descent into division once again.
Without the two dakri turning the planet, the two sides would either become too hot or too cold to sustain life, with the twilight between them ruled by monsters birthed from the nightmares of the oppressed.
It was with some surprise, then, that as she poured her soul into this undertaking, she could feel the thrum of her husband’s power clear in her mind, letting her know that Tor had already renewed his half of the spell for the night.
He really did need that sleep, she thought, giving a self-satisfied nod towards the setting sun before turning back towards her private chamber. She still had much to prepare for her night; even with the most pressing matter out of the way, she still expected a full schedule. Her court wasn’t especially busy, as the dakri found the night to be the best time to sleep and prepare for the next day.
That was besides the point, though, as her duties rarely involved overseeing the day-to-day rule. Rather, her task was to patrol the ǣther, hunt the nightmares that plagued her people, and to do her best to heal the source of those nightmares.
This was especially important now that she had cleared the Forest of Yith and had located the source of that particularly violent nest. It was best to keep those nightmares from returning, and for this cause she was going to attempt to enter the survivor’s dreams again. She doubted she would have as much success this time as she had last time, simply because almost drowning had weakened the creature’s defenses significantly. However, she had faith that she would at least be able to soothe the visitor’s dreams, and possibly gain a little more information on how he thought.
At the very least, she’d settle for a name. She couldn’t just keep calling it ‘the creature’ or ‘the survivor,’ as those ‘names’ grew heavy on the tongue, and wore down her patience. A name would also help the visit she had planned go a lot smoother, and would hopefully help them as they tried to convince him to come to the castle with them.
Once Ja’vail was dressed, she left the comforts of her room and made her way to her husband’s study. As she expected, he was still there, his desk still quite messy, a combination of his daily paperwork and the reports of the crashed alien spaceship forming the majority of the clutter.
Much to Ja’vail’s surprise, however, Tor wasn’t at his desk. Instead, the drake was standing at his window, looking out over the countryside and the eerie sunset before him, a reminder of the twilight that his people had escaped. In his hand he held a memory crystal, its red glow plainly visible in the slowly darkening room.
“Tor, are you alright?” the queen asked as she approached her husband.
Tor turned to look at her, surprise on his face. “Oh, I am well enough, I suppose…” he said, clearly still lost in thought. The king then looked down at the memory crystal in his hand, his brows furrowing in displeasure. “I have just received some… unsettling news. I was actually waiting for your arrival before deciding on anything.”
Ja’vail took a few more steps, her eyes locked on her husband's diminutive form. “What happened?”
Tor looked at her, then back at the stone. “It isn't easy to say this, but… we may have to kill the visitor.”
Ja’vail felt like her stomach had turned to ice. “Kill? Tor, what madness are you spouting? What crime could he have possibly committed while I was asleep to earn him a death sentence?”
Tor looked at his wife, pain in his eyes. “Nothing, dear. He’s completely innocent. That is beside the point, however.”
“Then tell me, what madness has overtaken you that you would murder an innocent?” Ja’vail demanded, her tone brooking no argument. “Or what monster are you, to have taken the place of my Tor? I must say, you have the likeness down, but your impression of his mannerisms leave much to be desired.”
Tor let out a mirthless laugh at that. “No monster or madness, my dark princess. Just a visit from an old friend…” he sighed again, before turning and holding out the crystal for Ja’vail to take. “Lady Siv paid both me and the survivor a visit today. She left me this, as well as a decision to make.”
Ja’vail looked at the crystal, before staring back at her husband, a dubious expression on her face. "And she told you to kill him? I do not remember her being so heartless.”
“And you would remember correctly. She was nearly in tears when I met her, though she did well in hiding them,” Tor said, before approaching his wife. He gently took her hand, and placed the crystal in her palm. “When she saw the visitor, she also looked into his future. This is what she saw. Please, do not force me to bear this knowledge alone.”
Ja’vail’s expression softened ever so slightly before she glanced down at the stone in her hand. “I will look, but I do not promise anything.”
Tor’s crest rose, but he did not say anything else. Instead he turned back to the window, waiting patiently for his wife to see what he had seen.
The memory took Ja’vail less than a second to go through, but she felt like she had been gone for a lifetime when the world came back into focus. She stared at the rock in horror, before throwing it to the ground. It did not shatter, it being made of quartz, but it still felt satisfying after the horrors she had witnessed.
“I was not pleased, either,” Tor said, not even bothering to turn and look. “Even if the visitor was guilty of some crime, I would spare him for what he could teach our people. As it stands, he is lost and alone, hoping for a friend. And I have to kill this lonely soul.”
“But… but we can’t do this! You’re better than this… we’re better than this!” Ja’vail said, nearly in tears. “Would we really sacrifice an innocent for the security of our own realm? Would you… would you…”
“Would I what?” Tor asked, turning to his wife, fire in his eyes. “Would I judge the worth of souls? Would I weigh a single life against the good of my people? Of his people? Would I become my father?”
Ja’vail looked away, her eyes closed as she folded her arms. “I’m… I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be,” Tor said, turning back to the window. “You have no need to apologize. I cannot measure the worth of anyone’s soul, nor would I try. However, this visitor’s life is not worth the lives of every person on this planet. When you include the lives of his own world, as well as the unnamed snake people… well… the choice is quite obvious.”
Ja’vail looked down at the floor, her eyes filling with tears as she thought everything over. “Would it have been better, then, had I not saved his life? Should I have let him drown?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
“Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that the spirits have told us that the lives of others are better off if his is forfeit,” Tor said, his voice filled with bitterness. “I have not even seen this visitor in the flesh, and I do not know anything about him at all. What is he like? Does he have a family? What does he enjoy?” Tor asked, looking to his wife hopefully.
Ja’vail shook her head, not daring to bring her eyes up to meet her husband’s, as she didn’t think she could contain herself if she did. “I cannot say. I was only in his mind for a brief time, and I do not understand much of what I saw,” she said, her form gently shaking, as if a chill wind had entered the room.
Tor looked back at the window, his eyes closed as he thought on this. “Essentially, we are deciding the fate of not only an innocent, but a complete stranger.” Tor took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. “And try as I might, I cannot measure his worth as greater, or even equal, to the lives of my people’s. If it comes to it, he will be slain, and his body destroyed, just as the spirits have told us to do.”
Ja’vail began crying in earnest, her shoulders slumping with the weight of guilt. This caused Tor to turn to her, lifting her beak gently with one hand until she looked him in the eye. “So… let’s ensure that it never comes to that.”
Ja’vail looked up at Tor, hope in her eyes. “But, Tor, we can’t-”
“Shhhh…” Tor said, encircling his wife in his arms. He was shorter than her, but she still felt comforted, simply because it was him. “I’m not going to murder someone simply because of the damage his life might cause. Siv’s vision wasn’t that his continued existence spelled our doom, but that we must do everything in our power to ensure he doesn’t leave.” He pulled away from her a little, looking up into her hopeful eyes. “His death will be treated as a last resort, nothing more. For now, let us see how much worth his life is. What can he teach us? What is his people like? I, for one, do not want to squander this opportunity that the spirits have gifted us, simply for fear of an unknown future.”
Ja’vail’s crest rose as she dried her tears with the feathers on the back of her arm. “Yes… I completely agree…”
The two of them spent quite a bit of time like that, lost in each other’s arms as the sun slowly set on the horizon. Even after the world was shrouded in night, they were still there, lost in the comfort that each other provided.
* * *
Kel’vara’s beak glowed as she wove her magic, pulling the water from the bucket in front of her. It coalesced into a ball hovering inches above her hand, the swishing, splashing sounds of the liquid a soothing counterpoint to the frustration she was feeling.
She liked working with liquids when she was feeling upset. It had always come easy to her, the seemingly chaotic way it flowed and ebbed was a balm on her nerves, instead of a frustrating mess that most other practitioners found the state of matter to be.
She slowly flexed her fingers and extended her wings, the movements giving a tactile presence to the shapes she was forming in her imagination. Slowly, as if watching ice melt in reverse, the ball of water stretched and flowed, extending here, twirling there, molding and shaping to her will to become whatever she wanted.
In this instance, the water took the shape of a dragon, its long, strong legs striding through the air as it looked around, its inquisitive, intelligent eyes searching for prey, or barring that, a dakri to play with. Its long tail wagged behind it as it seemed to spot something, before it shot off like an arrow, dashing towards whatever had garnered its attention.
The small, watery, facsimile of a dragon didn’t get very far across the room before the door opened, breaking Kel’vara’s concentration and causing her happy little pet to lose its cohesion. In an instant, the once watery, spiky, two legged reptile was nothing more than a mess on the once clean floor.
Kel’vara looked up in annoyance, her gaze falling upon an irritatingly unapologetic Valros as he entered the room. “Haven't you ever heard of knocking?” Kel’vara demanded as she used her magic to scoop up the water and return it to the bucket.
Valros was unimpressed. “Kel’vara, you can’t just stay here sulking, we still have work to do.”
“I’m not sulking! I’m just practicing my more precise spell work,” Kel’vara said, turning up her beak as her crest lay flat against the back of her head.
Valros, however, did not look convinced in the slightest. “Kel’vara, The Lady is her own person. You can hardly expect her to stay around and answer every single question you have.”
“I never said that she wasn’t.”
Valros let out a frustrated sigh. “Well, if you’re sure, then I really think we need to go over the plan for tomorrow,” Valros said, trying to get Kel’vara back on track. “I don’t think we’ll need many knights, the thing’s pretty docile, all things considered. Have you given much thought in how we’re going to actually communicate with it?”
Kel’vara thought about this for a while, her beak glowing softly as she played a little with the water in her bucket, causing the surface of the liquid to ripple in odd ways. “Ja’vail said that she was able to communicate pretty well with it while it was dreaming. The only problem with that is that it was dreaming. I don’t know how dreams work with its species, but for dakri at least, anything that happens to our subconscious from outside forces is quickly forgotten. Bad dreams, flights of fancy, nothing to be taken seriously, or remembered.”
“I’ve been talking with the Captain of the Dreamguards about that too. He told me that we can’t rely upon that for communication, since we’re just as likely to get a straight answer as one about how the creature loves to eat its own pillow and ride a dragon made of Twirly Whirlys,” Valros said, stretching his wings a little and grunting with discomfort. The knight quickly brought his arm close to his chest, searching the broad wing until he found the feather that had been giving him trouble, and quickly put it back into its proper place.
Kel’vara found herself staring a little as the knight preened himself, before she turned away, her feathers fluffing a little in embarrassment. “Yes, and… ah, and in addition, the creature won’t be as weak as when we fished it from the river. It has an ǣon level spirit, after all, regardless of any actual ability it may or may not possess. We’ll be lucky to be able to intrude on its dreams at all.”
If Valros noticed her discomfort, he didn’t show it. Instead, he stood up and made his way to the window. “I remember the Sunrise Tribe had something to communicate, but it was mainly used to control their apprentices during ǣon training. It was supposed to be able to cross language barriers, but I don’t think we want to be dredging up the old ways…”
Kel’vara shuddered a little. “Those ways were barbaric.”
Valros nodded at her, but did not say anything as he stared out the window. “I suppose the only choice we have is to slowly teach the thing how to speak.”
“That’s not as easy as it sounds, though,” Kel’vara said, shaking her head. Valros looked at her, one of his brows raised, prompting her to continue. “When I treated his wounds, I ran a number of tests on him. He’s showing the symptoms of someone who has been transmuted into another shape entirely, except that he has no binding spellform keeping him in that shape.”
Valros looked confused at this. “You’ll have to forgive me, M'lady, but my knowledge of magic is somewhat limited to a handful of combat spells. You’ll have to use less formal terms with me.”
Kel’vara rolled her eyes a little, then used her magic to pull the water from the bucket again. With a thought, she caused the water to take on the shape of a dragon again. “With magic, it is possible to force something to assume another shape or state. Such as turning a dragon into a pig.” With a little exertion, the water took on the desired shape. “I’ll not bore you with the details, but things… well, they remember what they were. Always. If the spell is not properly maintained, the spellform will eventually fall apart, and the thing will revert. This is because things want to return to their old state. They’ll continue chipping away at the spellform, increasing the difficulty of keeping things in their altered state, until it grows beyond the mage’s ability to control. It’s why you cannot turn copper into gold and have it stay that way, or why you cannot turn dirt into food without accidentally poisoning someone.”
“Or purposefully poisoning someone,” Valros pointed out. “I remember history class at least. That happened quite a number of times during the Clan Wars.”
“It was a popular method of assassination, yes, but the old ruling class quickly caught on, and began screening their food before eating.” Kel’vara furrowed her eyes as she twisted the water to appear like the creature. “Whatever the bug-like aliens did to the creature, it didn’t involve magic. ‘The creature’s shape isn’t his own,’ if you remember what the queen told us. It’s entirely possible that it’s lost the ability to speak, even in its own language.”
Valros thought about this for a time. “Well, can’t we turn it back? Reverse the changes, and return it to its original shape?”
Kel’vara thought about this for a little bit, but shook her head. “It’s… possible, but there are so many unknowns. I was even afraid of using regeneration magic on him when I healed him. I had to resort to sealing spells to repair the damage.”
Valros looked confused. “I’m not sure I follow. I thought you healed it up pretty good.”
“I didn’t heal it at all. All I did was fuse its skin together, and do some very basic repair based on that strategy, to keep it from bleeding internally or externally. It’s why I still applied bandages, in case those wounds reopened; I couldn’t risk regenerating it,” Kel’vara explained, her voice both pained and exasperated.
Valros still didn’t understand what the fuss was about, though. “Why not? What’s the big deal if you use a little regeneration? And what does this have to do with changing it back?”
“Everything!” Kel’vara said, standing up in anger as she rubbed both hands through her crest. In response, the water in her grip twisted and flowed into strange shapes, a clear reflection of the tormented state of the battlemage’s mind. “This is an entirely unknown scenario, with an entirely unknown species! The spell to do this doesn’t even exist! All we have are spells to change something into something else, not to return something to its original shape. The way we would do this if this were a magical affliction would be to simply collapse the spellform, but this isn’t magic! If I were to try to change it back, any number of things could go wrong, the least being the creature dies a quick, painful death as it turns completely inside out! The closest I can come up with is the regeneration spell, which would force accelerated cell mitosis using the target’s remembered form, not its changed form. If I did use regeneration, it is entirely possible that the creature might revert…”
“...But?” Valros asked, knowing that there was a but in there somewhere.
“But the creature’s body might start attacking itself, killing itself from the inside out! The two different sets of genetic material might merge, making it into something even more monstrous than it is now! Any number of things could go wrong!” Kel’vara shouted, the water next to her turning into some kind of lumbering beast, whose basic shape only vaguely resembled the creature in the forest.
Valros held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay, I get it. It’s probably a bad idea… but what do we do, then?”
Kel’vara collapsed into her chair, the water that she had been shaping falling into the bucket at the same time. “I don’t know… I really don’t know…”
Valros rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, there’s always pictures and trying to teach it to read…”
“That would take even longer than just teaching it to talk,” Kel’vara said dismissively. “Especially since it probably can’t-”
Before Kel’vara finished, a voice chimed in, interrupting her thought process. It seemed to be coming from the lieutenant’s belt pouch, and based on the tone of the speaker’s voice, whatever it was was urgent. “Sir Valros! Are you there?”
Valros quickly pulled out his whispering stone and gave it a squeeze, worry building in his heart. “What’s wrong, Calis?”
He almost wished he hadn’t asked, because what Calis said next turned his insides to ice. “Sir, I’m relaying a message. Viar and his drakes need backup, and they need it now. It’s those bug aliens the queen told us about. They’re here.”
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My partner travels extensively for work and I like to be able to go with him, but I’m struggling to be able to still get my hrt prescription on time—if at all—while away.
I live in NY so the laws aren’t too bad here right now, but testosterone is still very heavily regulated, so normally there is only one day a week I can fill it and it is literally the same day I have to use it. If I’m home I can do this somewhat normally as long as nothing goes wrong with Walgreens and my insurance, but so far requesting refills in advance like normal for travel reasons hasn’t worked I’m not sure why, it’s just not filled despite being approved weeks in advance and I have no time to fight it because I usually have to leave the next day. I don’t know if Walgreen’s systems are blocking it because it’s so tightly controlled or if there is some miscommunication between my doctors office and the pharmacy.
To get around this I’ve also tried just asking my doctors office to send the prescription into a pharmacy near wherever I’m at if it’s in the US. So far this ended in disaster as well and I had to wait to get home before I could refill. When I tried this in DC a few weeks ago, my doctors office was able to find pharmacies but for some reason the prescription was blocked and they could not send it—and hrt is not banned in DC right now at all.
At the end of next week I’m going to be in Seattle and me and my partner have no idea how I’m going to be able to get my prescription. I’m going to call my doctors office on Monday to try to figure something out but so far everything in the past has not worked out. I just don’t want to be landlocked to one place forever just to be able to access my necessary prescriptions…
I was hoping someone would have an idea of what I should do?

TW/disclaimer: Before I get into anything, this will discuss dysphoria and some of my own ways that I try to control it that I think that might be useful. That being said, I am transmasc and not all of these will work for everyone, and they may not work all the time.
Hoodies: What would we do without hoodies? For me, an ideal hoodie or sweatshirt to combat top dysphoria is one that's in the biggest size I can find and is soft and comfortable. They are especially good for relaxing after binding in public for a while. Sweatpants can also be good for bottom dysphoria.
Pillows: When I sleep at night, I always hug a pillow to my chest to help with top dysphoria making me too uncomfortable to sleep. It's also good if you are just chilling on your couch and dysphoria hits. I feel very dysphoric, I take it up to a new level and wrap myself in a cozy blanket.
Gender affirming scents: It may not seem like a big deal, but once I changed to soap, deodorant and cologne that aligned with my gender identity I haven't looked back. I'm a pretty sensory person, amd using those make getting ready for the day more bearable.
Loofahs, sponges, and the lightswitch: I find using a sponge or loofah in the shower is somewhat helpful, as that way I don't have to touch my bear skin. Showering with the lights off is also helpful, but please use a small light source like a nightlight or a bit light coming through the door from another room so you can avoid accidentally hurting yourself.
Voice training: Classic voice training is hella expensive, but there are Youtube tutorials available that you can use for free. Implementing some of these voice techniques can make speaking a bit more bearable.
Packing and tucking are also good ways to handle bottom dysphoria as well.
I hope you all have a good day and have a safe journey. Thank you for reading my dumb little tips

Aang was basically dead and got his ass kicked like never before. And in the avatar state when an avatar would never come back HAD he died. I never got the experience where I couldn't just find out what happened and wanted to know what you all were thinking the first time it came out.