To quote an old TV show: "where in the world is Desmond Grell?"
Tldr – here’s who Robin Ryger and Desmond Grell are; where we will probably see then in TWOW; why they have some degree of importance.

Quick reminder about the two characters

Robin Ryger worked for Robb during the Five Kings War.
Not only he’s the one who escorted Cleos Frey. He’s also a very useful tertiary character, because GRRM uses him to “break the ice” between Jaime and the readers when he allows the Kingslayer to display his proverbial sense of humor in early ASOS:

In his day Ser Robin Ryger had been a notably tenacious fighter, but his day was done; he was of an age with Hoster Tully, and had grown old with his lord. When the boats were fifty yards apart, Jaime cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted back over the water. "Come to wish me godspeed, Ser Robin?" "Come to take you back, Kingslayer," Ser Robin Ryger bellowed. "How is it that you've lost your golden hair?" "I hope to blind my enemies with the sheen off my head. It's worked well enough for you."

Little note for those who like analysis: Jaime's humor works only when we are in his POV. Outside of it, more often than not he looks like an asshole because 90% of the POVs that interact with Jaime... hates him!
Guess who are the two obvious exceptions? Of course, you are right. And still, both Cersei and Brienne fail to see his hilarious side most of the time.
 
GRRM also uses Ryger to break the ice between Jaime and Brienne. Jaime’s ego would never allow him to admit he’s helping someone straight to their faces, so he uses ser Ryger as a convenient excuse.

"You're hard enough to look at with a nose. Besides, I wanted to make the goat say 'thapphireth.'" He chuckled. "A good thing for you I'm such a liar. An honorable man would have told the truth about the Sapphire Isle." "All the same," she said. "I thank you, ser." His hand was throbbing again. He ground his teeth and said, "A Lannister pays his debts. That was for the river, and those rocks you dropped on Robin Ryger."

Desmond Grell is an old knight from Hoster Tully's retinue.
Whenever Edmure leaves Riverrun, be it for battles or marriages, Grell rules in his absence. Noteworthy that whenever a Tully shows up (like the Blackfish in AFFC), he immediately steps aside. He's an old, loyal man.
 
Notice that both Ryger and Grell have something personal against Jaime: while Ryger was humiliated and sinked in ASOS (thus failing his mission against the Kingslayer), Grell did actually lose his squire because of Jaime.
Beside their possible beef with Jaime and their loyalty to Robb's cause, they have another thing in common: they surrendered to Jaime, but also asked him a very peculiar request.

Two men did not choose to depart with the others. Ser Desmond Grell, Lord Hoster's old master-at-arms, preferred to take the black. So did Ser Robin Ryger, Riverrun's captain of guards. "This castle's been my home for forty years," said Grell. "You say I'm free to go, but where? I'm too old and too stout to make a hedge knight. But men are always welcome at the Wall." "As you wish," said Jaime, though it was a bloody nuisance.

The black vow and Jaime's honorable decision

Jamie takes Riverrun while avoiding a bloodshed, and when the two ask to take the black he complies. Of course, because that's the honorable thing to do.
This is perfectly in line with Jaime's newfound AFFC trajectory (his campaign in the Riverlands is a masterclass as far as peace and honor go, but also a neverending sequence of mistakes for the Lannister’s cause) and what he chooses to do right after is absolutely coherent: he lets them keep their weapons and sends Raff the Sweetling & co. to escort them to Maidenpool.

He allowed them to keep their arms and armor, and assigned a dozen of Gregor Clegane's men to escort the two of them to Maidenpool. The command he gave to Rafford, the one they called the Sweetling. "See to it that the prisoners reach Maidenpool unspoiled," he told the man, "or what Ser Gregor did to the Goat will seem a jolly lark compared to what I'll do to you."

Speaking of Maidenpool, Jaime also sends there Ronnet Connington, with different orders:

Jaime had charged Red Ronnet with the task of delivering Wylis Manderly to Maidenpool, so he would not need to look on him henceforth.

Let’s consider for a second who this three prisoners are: not only the first two are Stark/Tully loyalists to the core, they are also witnesses to the real numbers of the Lannister force. There's a reason why Brynden Tully was comfortable keeping the Riverrun siege until Jaime threatened him with Edmure's life. And guess what? Brynden Tully is still roaming free (more on him later).
But what about Wylis Manderly? Well, do you remember that chilling speech from Titus Andronicus Wyman Manderly? The one that ends with…

I drink with Jared, jape with Symond, promise Rhaegar the hand of my own beloved granddaughter … but never think that means I have forgotten. The north remembers, Lord Davos. The north remembers, and the mummer's farce is almost done. My son is home.

Well, Wylis’ newfound safety is why Wyman’s bloody revenge starts.
But since Wylis reached White Harbor, where in the world are Grell and Ryger?

Tracking down the movements

In ADwD epilogue we know that Randyll Tarly met both parties.

"How many men-at-arms accompanied Ser Ronnet to the city?" Ser Kevan asked. "Twenty," said Lord Randyll Tarly, "and most of them Gregor Clegane's old lot. Your nephew Jaime gave them to Connington. To rid himself of them, I'd wager. They had not been in Maidenpool a day before one killed a man and another was accused of rape. I had to hang the one and geld the other. If it were up to me, I would send them all to the Night's Watch, and Connington with them. The Wall is where such scum belong."

But then, in TWOW Mercy, we know that Raff the Sweetling moved from Maidenpool to Braavos to guard Harys Swyft. This means that his escort mission was over.
This opens up for few possibilities. Ryger and Grell (from now on G, for brevity) could only end up with one of four options:

• Case 1: reach the NW by going straight to Eastwatch by the sea.

Given Davos' mentions about tempests and Cotter Pyke’s letter about dead things in the water, chances are G are dead. I find it very unlikely, both on a narrative level (who would waste a ship to go to Eastwatch by the Sea just for 2 passengers? This is nothing like Stannis’ case!) and on a meta level (after 5 books I can safely tell you: GRRM doesn’t work that way)

• Case 2: Raff & co. killed them.

This would be my 100% go to option... if only Jaime hadn’t explicitly warned Raff against doing that.
Jaime's a hundred things, but he's not a windbag: he talks the talk, but also walks the walk. Raff’s a hundred of horrible things, but he's not completely stupid. If there’s one thing that Jaime never lost through the entirety of Asoiaf, is the credibility of his threats.
And again, if G were dead I bet Raff would have mentioned it with some joke in the Mercy spoilers.

• Case 3: they took the Kingsroad, and then went for Winterfell.

But in that case, who escorted them? Raff's in Braavos.

• Case 4, most likely: they travelled with Wylis Manderly.

Which means they are now at Winterfell. It couldn't be any other way, Winterfell is in the middle of the safest road to reach the Wall. For the Stark sympathizers, this means huge info. As we all remember, there's a conspiracy going on against those who betrayed Robb Stark...
And to top it all, Wyman Manderly already proved that he has some info he kept for himself (see: ADWD Davos IV)
Funny thing is, even if G were serious about their vow to go to the Wall, they would be stuck with Manderly anyways: climate conditions don’t allow them to leave Winterfell in any case!

Why does it matter?

Because now we have a potential link between the North (Manderly & co.) and the Riverlands (Brynden Tully, and possibly the BWB, if the theories of Brynden coming in contact with them will prove to be true).
Jaime's doing the honorable thing, once again, is risking to harm back the Lannister cause.
Thanks for reading.

Introduction

Well hello there! (General Kenobi!). I'm Snoky also known as you'll find out when we get to know eachother
I’m a 25 year old English/Norwegian guy from the U of K! I currently work in the IT Sector within the Local Government and my god I forgot how hectic the public sector was after i left it roughly 4 years ago. I did indeed have quite a shock coming back 😅

Apperance

I'm on the bigger side but am looking to get that changed with some help due to i'm not very happy with the way thing's are currently. Minus that I'm 6'1/6'2, depends on which doctor you ask! I have short-ish hair dark blonde hair? I think? I'm not very good with colors so you'll have to tell me whenever we decide to exchange pictures.
Which i will be more than happy to exchange later on once we get to know eachother!

Main Intrests/Hobbies

My main interests are either playing games with some friends on the PC, studying for future certifications and mainly what I do after work just kicking back and watching whatever random things I can find on YouTube (I aren’t a big TV person). I used to watch a lot of anime but I tend to drop out of it for a year and then I get back in to it then I lose interest again heh, it’s just a thing that I’ve been doing for years on end.
I am somewhat in to movies but I haven’t really properly watched any within the last year or so but if I was to give a rough genre, I’d say dark-ish movies with a grabbing story i.e. DC films and a here and there Marvel film (IW ftw!) I much more prefer it when the bad guy gets the upper hand and basically wins as close to that of Thanos basically.
My main music choices? Everywhere and everything. If my ears like it, then chances are I’ll most likely like it. I’d write down all the artists I follow right now but trust me it’d take too long to go over so it’d probs better to just share my Spotify playlist lmao. But to give a quick sum up I’d say its more around mixed genre, alt-rock basically.
I do also write my own stuff as well, but again like anime I do it for like 6 months then stop, then start a year later so eh it’s a pretty hit and miss hobby for me 😅

Future Prospects?

As mentioned in my apperance section i'm in the process of trying to get fit with weight loss as I’m not very happy with how I am at the moment especially when it comes to health after a incident a few years ago but that’s neither here nor the future as I’m looking to change it with the help of the NHS and people around me. I'd be more than happy to join forces together with someone who's trying to do the same thing!
I currently own my own company which is currently under going some development but hasn't actually started as of yet (still looking in that area) but it will get there at somepoint!
Alongside my own company I’m also undergoing a project with a close friend of mine that we’re trying to pursue which is actually happening alongside the org itself so it's all looping together slowly but surely.

What am i looking for?

I'm looking for someone who's intrested in getting to know eachother, someone who's got my back and i've got theres, someone i can well essentially "grow" with and get to know, someone who's willing to put the effort in to get to know me and vice versa.I'd like said person to be able to hold a convoersation with me as i've been in too many instances where it's all been one sided convos with me basically putting in more effort than the other person but alas that's neither here nor there and hopfully I'll maybe find the person who would share that equal effort with me. And trust me I've been ghosted loads of times to the point it's like "bruh, just why?" but anyway!
I'm open to long distant's so long as there's a goal to meet eachother in the somewhat near future!

The End?

If you've made it this far after this somewhat long post then i must congradulate you!
I now have a small question for you to send me the answer too when you message me.
On what date and or month was a i born? hint I was born on the month of a certain red birthstone on a international memorial day
p.s, if you don't get it it doesn't matter it's worth a try regardless!

Introduction

Well hello there! (General Kenobi!). I'm Snoky also known as you'll find out when we get to know eachother
I’m a 25 year old English/Norwegian guy from the U of K! I currently work in the IT Sector within the Local Government and my god I forgot how hectic the public sector was after i left it roughly 4 years ago. I did indeed have quite a shock coming back 😅

Apperance

I'm on the bigger side but am looking to get that changed with some help due to i'm not very happy with the way thing's are currently. Minus that I'm 6'1/6'2, depends on which doctor you ask! I have short-ish hair dark blonde hair? I think? I'm not very good with colors so you'll have to tell me whenever we decide to exchange pictures.
Which i will be more than happy to exchange later on once we get to know eachother!

Main Intrests/Hobbies

My main interests are either playing games with some friends on the PC, studying for future certifications and mainly what I do after work just kicking back and watching whatever random things I can find on YouTube (I aren’t a big TV person). I used to watch a lot of anime but I tend to drop out of it for a year and then I get back in to it then I lose interest again heh, it’s just a thing that I’ve been doing for years on end.
I am somewhat in to movies but I haven’t really properly watched any within the last year or so but if I was to give a rough genre, I’d say dark-ish movies with a grabbing story i.e. DC films and a here and there Marvel film (IW ftw!) I much more prefer it when the bad guy gets the upper hand and basically wins as close to that of Thanos basically.
My main music choices? Everywhere and everything. If my ears like it, then chances are I’ll most likely like it. I’d write down all the artists I follow right now but trust me it’d take too long to go over so it’d probs better to just share my Spotify playlist lmao. But to give a quick sum up I’d say its more around mixed genre, alt-rock basically.
I do also write my own stuff as well, but again like anime I do it for like 6 months then stop, then start a year later so eh it’s a pretty hit and miss hobby for me 😅

Future Prospects?

As mentioned in my apperance section i'm in the process of trying to get fit with weight loss as I’m not very happy with how I am at the moment especially when it comes to health after a incident a few years ago but that’s neither here nor the future as I’m looking to change it with the help of the NHS and people around me. I'd be more than happy to join forces together with someone who's trying to do the same thing!
I currently own my own company which is currently under going some development but hasn't actually started as of yet (still looking in that area) but it will get there at somepoint!
Alongside my own company I’m also undergoing a project with a close friend of mine that we’re trying to pursue which is actually happening alongside the org itself so it's all looping together slowly but surely.

What am i looking for?

I'm looking for someone who's intrested in getting to know eachother, someone who's got my back and i've got theres, someone i can well essentially "grow" with and get to know, someone who's willing to put the effort in to get to know me and vice versa.I'd like said person to be able to hold a convoersation with me as i've been in too many instances where it's all been one sided convos with me basically putting in more effort than the other person but alas that's neither here nor there and hopfully I'll maybe find the person who would share that equal effort with me. And trust me I've been ghosted loads of times to the point it's like "bruh, just why?" but anyway!
I'm open to long distant's so long as there's a goal to meet eachother in the somewhat near future!

The End?

If you've made it this far after this somewhat long post then i must congradulate you!
I now have a small question for you to send me the answer too when you message me.
On what date and or month was a i born? hint I was born on the month of a certain red birthstone on a international memorial day
p.s, if you don't get it it doesn't matter it's worth a try regardless!

Preface/TLDR: My arguments below aren't based wholly in some nebulous belief in human goodness.
I accept the shitty realities of human civilisation, even as someone who does try to see the bright side of life.
However, those are by and large evils caused by malicious negligence in some cases, and scrupulous selfish opportunism in other.
Neither of which would be present in a 'kill the normies' plan.
Rich people do not see themselves as a collective in-group, and they are not want to sink God knows how much of their hard earned resources into making an army of Death bots when their collaborators could rat on them at any time and initiate a corporate takeover or monopoly thanks to their no longer existent competition. Or to satisfy some petty personal vendetta. Or get good pr. Or any other number of immediately gratifying selfish reasons that, while screwing over the majority's plans for global genocide, would dramatically improve the life of whoever screwed them over.
Rich people are not known for being cooperative team players.
The 'cull the poores' scenario isn't plausible for solely moral reasons. It is just impossible on a technical and logistical level.
To elaborate...
I'm not denying rich are shitty, and I won't deny some places have it bad, or that some rich people WOULD kill the poor if they could.
I just deny the sheer ludicrous scale of what would be needed to formulate, prepare, and execute a 'kill the normies' plan.
It assumes that...

1. Rich people possess the capability to unite, coordinate, and execute this plan simaltaneously

This first hurdle is what really makes it impossible since, even assuming the other points I'll mention are met, the rich would need to operate a collected unified front with perfect synchronicity and no opportunism backstabbing or short sightedness for the plan to work.
If it isn't synchronized, it gives the human race a chance to see the knife being drawn and do something before the rich try to thrust it into us.
If there's backstabbing, namely infighting, it'd Drain their resources AND give us that moment of realization in one. Assuming the plan isn't just killed in its infancy or that they don't mutual kill each other in some sort of wealthy civil war.
If there's incompetence on their end, say they get sloppy and the CIA finds out about the rich illuminati planning on killing us all. Or they recruit Elon Musk and he decides to betray them all so he can stoke his ego by being remembered in history as the man who saved humanity, or they fuck up and their killer robots/AGI become free before the butchery can begin, then they'll just be fucked.
And that'll be it. The moment we find out they tried and failed to kill us all enough people will be pissed off and willing to throw hands that they won't get another shot.

1. All rich people, without exception, are willing and eager to murder all non rich people.

Rich people are disproportionately evil. They are not universally evil.
This is a statistical reality.
Even if there's only 1% out of them all who have working moral compasses and would not be down for the mass genocide, when we're talking about what would need to be a global conspiracy, that's more than enough for one of them to be recruited into the conspiracy, or otherwise learn of it through other means, and utilize their resources and political power to counteract it.
Even if only, as I pointed out with my Elon Musk example, to assert themselves as the neo messiah/s who saved humanity from the other, evil rich people.

1. Rich people would require the logistics to enact this mass culling.

Hundreds of millions of murder bots don't just pop out of thin air. Unless the rich are using nanotechnology or bioweapons to do the culling, they'd need whole factories producing advanced robots, weapons, munitions, supply chains, ecetera. All of which would be glaringly obvious unless they had some bonkers tech to just completely wipe all evidence of this buildup from the face of the earth. And at that point they might as well use that same tech to just increase their power in the current system and steal from the other rich to become that much richer that much quicker.
Billions of people equals trillions of bullets, trillions of microchips, metrics fucktons of steel and plastic and circuitry and God knows what else. It requires hundreds of factories and dozens of shipping route configurations to transfer materials between them all
And this is all without getting into where the fuck they're storing these murder robots/drones to begin with. You can't exactly hide a fighting force big enough to literally end 90% of the human race in a couple of warehouses. You'd need a whole city's worth of storage at the absolute bare minimum. Assuming they sprang for exclusively compact drones and not the outright terminators lots of people seem to be imagining.

1. Governments would need to do nothing.

I'm not even arguing 'governments will protect the people!' I'm arguing 'If this can be done, the American government and military industrial complex will just do it first.'
Because I can actually buy the American government, for example, hashing out the logistics, the coordination, and enacting the plan with the motive of imperialism and enforcing an authoritarian peace/rule over the planet.
At the least, if the tech existed to just churn out robot armies, en-mass, first world nations would be building up artificial fighting forces with that tech to levels comparable to the rich's secret army of Doom. Armies that would definitely be used to achieve zero casualty precision military campaigns in foreign lands. In regions that had been previously unconquearble due to the death toll, morale tax, and corruption issues in previous attempts at subjugation.
If nothing else, this would be a litmus test and a big red flag to anyone with half a brain and ability to discern the consequences of it.
Especially if it came out that rich people were churning these killer robots out en mass for 'reasons'.
And all this is without asking what happens when some poorer governments who weren't let in on the plan and subverted by the rich (under the logic of 'fuck em, they're poor, who gives a shit') turn out to have secretly squirrels away a few nukes. With which they could enact a forced peace under M.A.D or ruin the days of the perpetrators who caused this shitstorm as a final middle finger.

1. Rich people would actually need to be motivated to do all of this.

Rich people in this scenario are essentially the illuminati, with full control over all governments, the ability to magic up a world ending army out of thin air, and all done in complete cooperation with each other with a single Game of Thrones backstabbing waiting in the rafters.
At that point...why do they need to kill the poor...
Like, what do the actually gain from it?
More land?
More resources?
They can get infinite of both. And could kick anyone they wanted dout of their land at a moment's notice.
To get more money? To rid themselves of the proles?
There are easier ways to do the former now that they basically own the planet from the shadows with their secret army of Doom, and if they kill all the poors then they aren't rich anymore. Their lives literally wouldn't change other than them being on the same level as each other, which when considering all the egomaniacs amongst them...would not end well...
This whole scheme would be more trouble than it'd be worth. Yes, most rich entities are shitty and commit crimes. But, if you'll notice, they haven't exactly been taking over any countries single-handedly as of late. Or trying to overthrow their own nations. Because it's more headache than it's worth. Why risk everything for a plan that wouldn't really personally enrich you all that much.
Cause remember: they all have to share their 'winnings'amongst themselves after rthe normies are dead. And if there's one thing thing the rich hate. It's sharing.

1. They need to be perfectly fair and generous and cordial to each other once all is said and done.

So, 1% of humanity is left alive. All of them rich and whoever else those rich might want to keep around.
They now have to 'divvy the spoils'.
In what world does this not end with them turning on each other at the end so they can 'win more?
They've already illustrated an insanity beyond anything previously demonstrated din the history of the human race. The butchery of the whole species just so they can be the kings of skull mountain.
Except they aren't the kings yet. Oh no, there's still thousands of lesser rich people trying to hog that land and money.
And so, with no more external enemies left to unite them, they'd do what humans have done time and time again in comparable historical situations: turn on one another.
At which point they're liable to just end up wiping each othe Rout.
So even in a scenario where, by some absolute ridiculous miracle they 'win', they've still not won just yet.
And if they've not killed off all the poors. If a few thousand survived through the 8000 separate one-in-a-million chances that occurred throughout the cull of 8 billion, and if the rich deplete themselves enough over their mutual fights with one another, thinking themselves fre eof any other potential threat, then the proles might yet get their win.
So even in the perfect, impossible scenario where they win. The proves have an equal, if not more enjoyable win condition for the aftermath of the global cull.
In conclusion: I don't say this scenario is dumb because I'm a hopeful optimistic who has unwavering faith in human goodness (though I won't deny it either)
It's just not a plausible scenario that's feasible outside of a dystopian sci-fi novel.
If you like theory crafting it, or you enjoy thinking up ways it could happen and debating over them, then you do you.
Just be honest about the fantasy that is this scenario.
It's not going to happen.
And if you really thought it was going to, then you'd be a fool for seeing it coming not actively working on an escape plan so you can be one of the one-in-a-million lucky survivor's who'd slip through the cracks.
That's basically everything I've to say on this.
I await the inevitable responses on how I'm dumb and wrong and I gladly anticipate the voices of those who concur or otherwise have something new to add to the discussion.
(This post is not a personal attack on anyone, just the bad take. It is not meant to insult or denigrate any parties.)

I just released my game Central Concern, and I already knew at the moment of the first response, that it would not be my magnum opus lol. So I finally decided to start working on a game in the way that I had always feared: opening up for feedback and suggestions before release
Major Firestorm is a humble and careful step back in ambitions and delusions. It is an unpretentious simple game that has no delusions of grandeur and commercial success. I will not claim it's co0l, epic or original. But that's OK. I just want to make a short stimulant for people. It is a "reversed bullet hell" game where YOU are the source of fear. Inspired by the auto-attack trend seen in Vampire Survivors, you swap between red and blue ammunition to kill off incoming enemies of matching color. Your goal is to simply score 500 (300 in prototype) kills before the game serves you with narrative scenes with dialogue and characters (not made yet). This gameplay-loop repeats a number of times until the storyline is over (WIP)
If this sounds worthy to you, then head on over to the link below and test the very flawed prototype. Make sure that you READ ALL the info on the game's page, because it has more info than here. You can give feedback here or on the Newgrounds page. If it's possible, please leave a vote/score on the game. Low or high, it's up to you. Voting gives NG-games the chance to be published and further developed. I will with my limited programming knowledge and frugal budget (I'm really poor), do my best to adapt to the feedback and implement them. I promise to try my best. I'm not very skilled or knowledgeable, but I'll try
https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/878022

"Manpower Monday" this week heads back to Night City and R. Talsorian Games' Cyberpunk RED with a Private Law Enforcement Company that's not entirely squeaky clean and fastidious in its operations. Of course, it's Night City, and those qualities are in short supply almost everywhere. We present Argent Stellaris.
Argent Stellaris (Private Law Enforcement Company)
Average Cop INT 3, REF 4, DEX 2, TECH 2, COOL 3, WILL 4, MOVE 5, BODY 4, EMP 6 HP: 30
Gear: Heavy Pistol (3d6), Kevlar Helmet (SP7), Kevlar Armor (SP7)
Argent Stellaris is one of many licensed PLECs in Night City. It’s also one of many PLECs which is consistently on the verge of losing its license. It does not attract the best and brightest Lawmen in town. While it does accidentally stumble upon talent which didn’t find success in more rigorous PLECs from time to time, it more often gets the dregs of other PLECs. While there’s a certain amount of corruption and crookedness, it’s kept far enough below the surface as to avoid official attention from NCPD. Internal Affairs is less a full fledged department and more of a “temporary additional duty,” though it’s one which Argent Stellaris higher ups choose with a certain amount of care. In most PLECs, the worst that can happen at the end of an IA investigation is loss of job and criminal prosecution. The “bad end” of an Argent Stellaris IA investigation often has bodies on the floor and body camera video documenting that it’s righteous.

The saga is ongoing. Lots of updates. Lots of flowery language. Cheerleading.
I'll post the 32 OP posts in comments so save you all going through the whole thread if you're not MN members. Eta - couldn't add as a comment so here's the longest post ever.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4756410-he-has-run-off-with-the-kids-advice-needed-and-handhold
The saga is ongoing.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4756410-he-has-run-off-with-the-kids-advice-needed-and-handhold
He has run off with the kids, advice needed and handhold 32 replies Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 09:30
Posting for traffic. Apologies, its long.
Some might remember my previous threads. Basically I separated from my controlling ex in February. Things moved really quickly. And I managed to find a house. I moved out on Thursday. Instead of taking the kids out whilst I moved to make it less distressing for them which we had previously agreed, he stayed and made me take all my stuff out in front of them, and put it into the front garden. My friend and her children came over to help load her car up with my stuff. As awful as it was I stayed strong for the kids, they were excited about the new house, their new bedrooms and where choosing which toys to bring as well as playing with their friends in the front garden. Once my stuff was out (not much, he refused i take any furniture), he demanded my keys back, demanded the kids go inside, and literally pulled my 4 year old away from me, she was screaming and crying. He slammed the door in my face and shut the curtains. In hindsight I should have called the police then, believe me I realise that now. However i was trying to cause as least stress as possible. Due to previous advice on here I have recorded him on multiple occasions. I recorded the children Thursday morning whilst they were playing whilst I was moving my stuff out. You can see my stuff in the front garden and the kids happy and playing. When he took my daughter off me and put the other two inside and slammed the door on me, I started recording then too. You can clearly see and hear my daughter screaming behind the door , (part frosted glass door) and him pulling her as she's holding onto the front door handle from the inside. You can also hear him say you will see mummy tomorrow. Him and I had agreed that they would come to my new house on Friday morning whilst he goes to work. He has been using my past mental health against me, (see previous threads, I will try to link,) since I told him I wanted to separate, he wanted me to provide him a letter from a medical professional saying im sane 🙄. My cpn is dicharging me next week, so he will have that on paper - i know i dont have to do that but I will send him a copy because i have nothing to hide. On Thursday afternoon he phones me asking when will I be giving him half the child benefit. I tell him I am arranging mediation and we can discuss it there as he keeps ranting at me down the phone. So, Friday morning comes around. I message to double check what time he is dropping them over. I get back one message saying the kids are safe, I'm not taking any calls. He then ignores my texts and calls. I got round to his house and the car is gone, the curtains are drawn. He has done a runner with the kids! I phoned police and social services. As we have only just separated there is no child arrangements order in place. I'm absoloutely heartbroken. I've never known pain like it. They are 1, 4 and 6. They spend the majority of the time with me. Nearly 4 years ago he built and insulated a shed in the bottom of the garden. He has slept out there 99% of the time since. Leaving me to do all night time childcare since then. The girls who are 4 and 6 sleep in the bedroom next to me, the 4 year old wakes almost every night and comes and spends the rest of the night with me. My one year old has been in my bed since birth, what must my poor babies be thinking? He also works part time where I have the children on my own. The 4 and 6 year old are homeschooled. I take them to all activities and clubs and play dates etc. I know this is 100% about control, that he is using the children to try to break me so that his "she's an unstable mother" claims come true. I am 100% confident in my ability to parent my children. I am 100% confident that there is no issue with me, infact I've never felt stronger, my mh has never been better. That's why I knew I had to leave, because I knew I could be a strong single mother to my beautiful babies and I didn't want them witnessing his toxic behaviour any more. I will not have my children growing up thinking his behaviour is acceptable. I have a solicitors appointment Monday morning at 9am. All services have been informed, mediation is booked for 2 weeks time. I have phoned the police 4 times since Friday, who advise its a civil matter. I have spoken to social services who have said I'm doing everything right and have contacted every one I need to. I have even contacted universal credit. I believe part of the reason he has taken the children is because he won't receive the child element of universal credit anymore. He has Been begging for half the child benefit which thankfully is in my name. I was receiving pip due to my previous mental health issues, and he claimed carers element in universal credit. Obviously now I've moved out, and said he isn't my carer since we split, he doesn't get that anymore. He was only having to work part time because of this, despite claiming to be my carer, I was doing the vast majority of child care and household chores, whilst he slept in the shed so his sleep wasn't disturbed.
I have never felt pain like this. Being away from my children and wondering what they must be thinking, why they aren't seeing me, what he's filled their heads with is breaking my heart. I know and I will be strong and get through this short time until the courts decide on child arrangements. I'm also realistic about the fact that he could keep them until that date, in which case it could be at least a month before I see them again. Even when I had pnd 4 years ago, I went to a mbu with my daughter, they knew it was imperative that she be with me. I did end up being sectioned but my medication was adjusted and I made a rapid recovery. I was allowed to leave early from the section and even then all my children were allowed to visit me in the family room next to the unit as everyone knew how important it was they and I have regular contact. I was never a danger to my children, I just felt that I wasn't good enough to be their mother. However I've worked hard on myself, I am fully recovered. I engaged in all therapy, took the medication properly and came off it under their advice. I look after myself because I know that to be a good mother to my kids I need to be good to myself. I since have had my 1 year old and there's been no issues at all. Infact as 'my carer' he never once phoned any services or teams on me with any concerns regarding my mental health in an extremely long time, years, So there is also evidence of this.
I have my furniture being delivered today, the girls Bunk beds and sofa, tables etc. I will make this house a special and safe home for my babies, where they feel respected and loved.
I'm sorry for the huge post. Please if anyone has any more advice on what I can do, Or any questions for the solicitor appointment tomorrow I would so appreciate it. I need all the support and advice I can get. Thankyou
Go to post ADVERTISEMENT
Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 10:52
NEmama · 05/03/2023 09:46
Stay strong. Are his family involved? Would ex mil speak to him . Awful situation for you op x
Nope, no one is answering or responding. I have absoloutely no idea where they have gone. My guess is he's spoken to a solicitor and they've told him he is legally with in his rights to take the kids as he has parental responsibility and there is no court order in place
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 14:48
Dartsplayer · 05/03/2023 14:43
Unfortunately, having gone through the same thing with a family member, this is correct and there is nothing the police can do.
@Iamworthit you need to download a C100 form and submit it to your local family Court for an emergency hearing to have the children returned to your care as soon as possible. This group were invaluable in guiding us through the process from the children being taken to getting a Child Arrangement Order in place. You sound like you are doing everything right
www.facebook.com/groups/488124058749486/?ref=share
Show quote history I have my solicitor appt Tomorrow. Will she do that?
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:08
CalamityClam · 05/03/2023 10:19
Hold tight. My ex did the same thing. I had to leave without them. The DCs were safe with him even though I knew he was an absolute controlling TWAT - I knew they’d be upset, but I knew they’d be safe. I did everything you’re doing, determined to have it sorted legally so he couldn’t do it again, even if it meant waiting to see them. Believe me, the novelty will soon wear off for him when he realises he’s stuck with the kids and you’re as free as a bird.
It resolved for me quite quickly- within a couple of weeks. We shared care going forward. The DCs are adults now and have a very distant relationship with their dad.
So reassuring to speak to someone who has been through this and there was a positive outcome. I haven't spoken to them at all or seen them since Thursday morning, this is the longest its been. I'm assuming he has gone to his parents over an hour away. The police managed to get hold of him today and will be doing a welfare check tonight or tomorrow. They can't give me his wareabouts. Im terrified my kids are going to forget me, especially the one year old, other than a handful of nights where he agreed to have him for a night or 2 whilst I visited friends/ family, he's always been with me. And what if he turns them against me. I'm so scared they will think I've abandoned them and hate me or forget me. It could be weeks before a court hearing. Can a 1 year old Remember that long. I don't know.
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:23
Sunriseinwonderland · 05/03/2023 11:27
Take a deep breath and step back OP. My ex pulled this stunt more than once and the judge awarded me full custody and him none because DS was so traumatised by him. It took a while but it was ok. Well done for recording it. Your solicitor will advise you.
How long did he keep your son away from you for? I'm so scared they will forget me x
Go to post ADVERTISEMENT
Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:29
macncheeeesey · 05/03/2023 12:34
He's trying to punish you and unfortunately you have to abide by the system.
He will likely realise how hard it is very soon and won't be able to keep up with the homeschooling and caring for three little ones - especially as you say he sleeps in a shed normally.
Use this time to make the house a home for them. You can apply for an emergency family hearing - I'm sure your solicitor has advised on that.
He's an evil man who is damaging your kids but he won't be able to keep them. You've done everything you need to and informed the right people.
Try to distract yourself and use this time to work on your plan of attack to get them back and get yourself right.
My ex took our DD and wouldn't give her back but did eventually. Police wouldn't get involved after they did one welfare check. I would call them and ask them to do a check and say he is mentally unstable and you're worried about the kids. This will be logged and hopefully will scare him a bit.
I know the feeling, my DD wanted to come back but ex wouldn't let her. When she did some back she was super clingy. She knew what her dad did was wrong.
You've got this and you'll get them back.
I'm sorry you went through this too. How old was your daughter when he did that? How long was she away from you for. I'm scared they will hate me, god knows what he's telling them about why they can't see me
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:33
liveforsummer · 05/03/2023 12:47
Presumably he was taking care of them while she was sectioned so whilst he may not look after them when she’s gone he clearly can.
He looked after 1 dc then, not 3. He has become increasingly abusive since then
No, he went to work when I was in the mother and baby unit with my 2nd daughter. My mum and mil took it in turns to look after our eldest and he would look after her when not at work. Even when i went away for a couple of kights for my friends wedding my mum came to help him look after the kids
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:40
Springchicken75 · 05/03/2023 19:36
Op I would also strongly advise you to contact women’s aid after your appointment with the solicitor, they will offer some much needed support and advice.
www.womensaid.org.uk I did this a few weeks ago and I just got an email back with endless other support agencies, solicitors to call.
Go to post Iamworthit · 05/03/2023 23:45
OhmygodDont · 05/03/2023 20:00
Snatches children like some mad man on the street. Or a father having his children for the weekend or maybe even being the resident parent.
With this whole women and men are equal they are aLeo equal parents 🥱. He text saying they were safe and he would not be taking her calls. Police have been called 4! Times and don’t seem to think there is any issue. Op willingly left them on the Thursday.
Im sure op will hear find out more Monday morning but nothing makes her the better or more superior parent in the eyes of the law currently.
The police got back to me today. They are doing a welfare check tonight or tomorrow. I didn't Willingly leave them on Thursday. I left them heartbroken, not wanting to cause any more distress and with a stupid idea he would do the right thing and give them to me the next day as planned.
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 05:16
Sami561 · 05/03/2023 20:22
I am so sorry you are going through this OP. The pain is like nothing else.
I have been in the same position as you and, unfortunately, as you have probably found, The Police have no powers if the father has parental rights. They say it is a civil matters for the courts.
All I can say is that this will massively go against him in family court proceedings- it did for my estranged husband. He was banned from having our child overnight for a considerable amount of time until he could prove he was trustworthy again. The courts and professionals also named that he was using our child as a emotional weapon towards me by doing this. Your husband will be viewed in exactly the same way by all involved. He isn't thinking about the children at all, he is thinking about himself and getting one over on you.
Brilliant that you have a solicitors appointment tomorrow, they will give you the advice you need.
Stay strong and get that child arrangements order in place💐
I really hope they do the same. I'm sorry you had to go through this too. It so incredibly cruel and unfair to the children.
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 05:46
Kinneddar · 05/03/2023 21:49
Probably because it doesn't meet the criteria. The children are with their Dad, there's nothing to suggest they're at risk. Just because their Mum doesn't know where they are doesn't mean there's anything wrong.
The other thing is the police will look at the history of the family in assessing things. They've been called out before because the OP was threatening self harm. She's still currently under a MH section & despite being told its not a Police matter has phoned numerous times today. Regardless of what anyone here thinks they'll make the assessment based on the information they have, which from the sounds of it possibly doesn't look great for the OP. AND the other thing is, we only know OPs version of events. I'm not saying they're not accurate but we have absolutely no way of knowing
Police don't do a welfare check just because someone wants them to, there has to be grounds.
If for instance they don't turn up at school tomorrow that would have things reassessed.
Even if officers did go out to the house tonight & noone was home they're not going to turn it into a misper enquiry at this stage.
Show quote history The police were never phoned with regards to my mental health. I always went through the proper channels with the perinatal team. Yes I did have the crisis team involved but that was 4 YEARS AGO. I was in a mother and baby unit and the medication they gave me to treat it was to low a dose. I was always with my daughter at the mbu. I got sectioned 4 years ago, and once there, my dd went back to the family home with her dad. My mum and mil also took it turns to stay with them for extra support. My section was supposed to last 28 days. I was released at day 14 due responding so well to the medication. I had been observed with my children by the nurses and Dr's theres (yes I still got to see my kids, and kept breastfeeding her and pumping the whole time) even during that period I have never been away from the kids for this long. Everyone in my care knew I was a brilliant mother, I have documents from being there. I struggling with pnd, and never a harm to my children. We were very much bonded, I just felt absolutely not good enough to be their mother. I have engaged with services at every single point along the way. I since had another baby - the one year old, and I was put under the perinatal mental health team again for precaution, but due to me doing really well during that pregnancy my contact with them was very little and the discharged me a year after birth with a plan to come off my medication, which I have done. Even after all this I'm still strong because I know I have to be there for my kids when I do get them back they will need me more than ever. Yes he was claiming carers allowance. However he hasn't phoned any mental health team in years with any concerns about me. He is trying to gaslight me to say that he has concerns, well than why as he only just raised concerns since I told him I was leaving ? Thankfully this is all fact and documented. My cpn has been phoned by my ex regularly since for the last few weeks since I said I'm leaving. My cpn has received calls from my ex and his family claiming I needed a welfare check. I arranged for my cpn to see me, who agreed that I'm fit and well and will be discharged this week. My cpn told me he said to the mil that they are all wasting his time and to stop calling him. My cpn visited me on Friday when I phoned him to say my ex had taken the children, he came over straight away, and is still satisfied I can be discharged. I've had a traumatic childhood, pnd was almost inevitable I've been told, however I have worked bloody hard on myself and am a credit to my children. Any one else reading this thread in the future who has to go through similar, please do not let posters like this wear you down. I have had PREVIOUS mental health issues. My mental health now is better than its ever been.
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 08:55
Thankyou. Omg 8 months your poor baby
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 10:28
UPDATE solicitor was great. She will apply for an urgent hearing today. Expensive, but my mum will pay this initial fee. Hopefully be seen by the court today 🙏 With a predicted respond date by Friday from him. I don't know when this means I will get them back, but at least the ball is rolling She will also put in a Prohibited Steps Order to stop him from changing their gp, Registering them for school, or taking them abroad.
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 10:38
SchoolTripDrama · 06/03/2023 10:36
Fantastic news, I'm pleased for you.
Also, him doing this, will MASSIVELY negatively affect his chances of getting access in the future, via legal routes. Judges look extremely dimly on parents who pull this stunt
Show quote history Thankyou. I hope this can be resolved ASAP. I think she said she's going to request an urgent live with order too
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 13:46
mucky123 · 06/03/2023 13:33
I have no actual knowledge of the Court system in these circumstances or anything helpful to say but I just wanted you to know that I have read the whole thread and I think you are incredibly brave and strong. I think lots of people would have crumpled at this and maybe gone back to him or just broken down. Well done, keep fighting, hope it is all over soon.
Thankyou. Don't get me wrong I've sobbed huge tears of grief this weekend and been full of panic and worry, one thing I will not do is let him break me. My kids need the best version of me right now, and so that's my focus x
Go to post Iamworthit · 06/03/2023 19:25
Another update Not so great. He also did a Prohibited Steps Order. So the judge received them both today. They decided to see us together but the quickest available date is on the 21st of March! I've seen a copy of his order and requests. He wants me to admit I'm unstable. He wants confirmation from mh professionals I'm OK. It looks like he says I can have Supervised contact and calls. So obviously yes I'll take anything I can get, but need solicitor to confirm this. Also made allegations about how "unstable" I am. That I'm a suicide risk, that I've done x,y,z... BUT there's no record of him phoning my gp or cpn or anything, so hopefully that can quash that! He also keeps phoning my cpn telling him he is going for custody or he is giving me the order, or he is hiding away with the kids... So obvious he wants me to crack in front of the cpn. With regards to my cpn he is telling me he is putting my case to the team for discharge tomorrow, there is a chance they won't agree, and with the luck I'm having atm I'm beginning to think that they are going to say they won't discharge me.
Thanks for all the support. I really appreciate everything you ladies have said. I will update tomorrow with any news.
Go to post Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:30
Nope not since Thursday morning
Go to post Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:46
Scalessayeek · 06/03/2023 22:00
OP I can’t believe how some people are trying to bring you down. I would have completely fallen apart in your situation. You just need someone to see your posts on here to see how centered you are at the moment.
Sending you all the strength and luck in the world!
Thankyou. My kids have never needed more. All his behaviour is doing now is showing me just how controlling he is, and that getting out of that relationship is the best thing for me and the kids long term.
Go to post Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:48
P3N · 06/03/2023 19:42
Stay strong OP. You are doing amazing. Have the police got back about the welfare check? Your ex is disgusting trying to use your MH against you.
Yes. They saw the children and reported they aren't in harms way.
Go to post Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:54
Iamworthit · 07/03/2023 06:48
Yes. They saw the children and reported they aren't in harms way.
Show quote history Physical harm that Is. I said I'm guessing they are at the grandparents then and his expression told me everything I needed to know. At least they know them. Although they are nearly 80.
Go to post Iamworthit · 08/03/2023 15:57
Whiskeypowers · 08/03/2023 15:47
Hope you are holding up ok @Iamworthit
have you had any updates from the police or your solicitor etc?
No more information from police. He came back last night to his house, was there this morning amd gone this afternoon. I was notified by my friend who lives close by. No idea if the kids are with him. Waiting to hear if I can have Supervised visits before court hearing on 21st. Tonight will be night 7..
Go to post Iamworthit · 08/03/2023 22:08
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/03/2023 19:19
Just for my own understanding, why do you need supervised visits?
Show quote history I don't. He is claiming I'm mentally unstable and a flight risk because he's a controlling, pathetic excuse of a man. He vanished with the kids and put an application for a Prohibited Steps Order that I can't have the children back until he sees a letter from a medical professional to state otherwise.
Go to post Iamworthit · 08/03/2023 22:10
MaireadMcSweeney · 08/03/2023 19:54
Honestly I would probably do this too, but I don't know how that would impact on the court hearing. Remember now the process has started you can't just pull out and cancel it.
Show quote history This. I can't do anything because it's with solicitors, police and social services.
Go to post Iamworthit · 08/03/2023 22:33
Hi ladies. My cpn came over today. He isn't going to discharge me for another few weeks. This is positive, because it means he can tell the courts/judge that he is having the most recent interactions with me and there for can give an honest and open account of how I am. He phoned My solicitor personally and she agreed this would help my case. He has written a letter for this interim period to say he has no concerns. My solicitor believes if he with holds supervised visits before the court date he will be doing himself no favours at all. My cpn also told me that in his notes he has written that in his professional opinion my ex is mentally unstable (he has been pestering my cpn every few days for the past few weeks, since I told him I wanted to leave, however not once in over 3 years before I wanted to split was he concerned). Also that he is bring coercive, he is controlling, and the fact he sleeps in a shed 🤣🤣!! My cpn has Been brilliant throughout this whole thing. It's a case of playing the long game at the moment, I can't do anything to jeopardise seeing my kids. This is night 7. I last saw them a week ago tomorrow at around 11. I will not let him break me. He is using every tactic he can think of.
Go to post Iamworthit · 09/03/2023 11:33
cpphelp · 09/03/2023 08:03
The update about your CPN is fantastic. You are doing everything right. I think you're amazing, and all of this will be working in your favour. Maybe once all of this is over, they will insist on supervised visits only for him! How's the house coming along? Charity shops and the British heart foundation furniture shops are great for filling up a house xx
Thankyou. Yes my cpn has been great! Every second that goes by is another second without seeing my children, but it's also one second closer to getting them back in My arms.
Today marks a whole week since I last saw, held, played with, cuddled or even talked to my beautiful babies.
Go to post Iamworthit · 13/03/2023 20:34
UPDATE So, I got to see them this weekend!!! Supervised with my mum present at his request, but after 9 long days I finally got to see them, hold them, tell them I love them and they didn't forget me! ❤️ They loved the house, and their new bedroom 🤗 it was magic!
I'm hopeful for more contact this week which solicitor is hoping to negotiate. I'm STILL waiting for my letter from the CPN!. He was told by his manager to go through the NHS solicitors to make the letter water tight so that ex/his solicitors can't pick holes in it, so I'm actually waiting on the NHS solicitors now, its frustrating... They have had a similar case happen before, so want to do as much for me as possible.
However, ex agreed to contact this weekend, both days, due to my CPN speaking on the phone with my solicitor, and informing her I am well, capable, of sound mind, has seen me / spoken to me every few days since ex started with these mind games a month ago.
The kids were very anxious about going back to him, which was heartbreaking, but at the very least they know I'm always here, I have a safe home and I'm going to fight for their right to be with me, their mum.
Thankyou for all your support ladies. The first "urgent" hearing is next week, and then it's dealing with cafcass, social services etc for the next (and hopefully final) hearing in 2 months time where we will find out the child arrangements order.
Still a bloody long way to go till this is sorted, I don't trust that he won't do anything he can to get at me. He is already disputing the kids living with me and now my benefits may be stopped or suspended until this is sorted, which is just another form of him trying to control me.
I will never go back to him. I have lost all respect, faith, trust and any love I had for him is well and truly gone. He was able to hide behind clever words, confuse me, manipulate me and control me for far too long.
I hope the kids will forgive me for this upheaval in their lives, and I hope beyond all hope that they are back with me on a regular basis and that the judge can see him for what he is and that his actions have impacted our children's emotional well being significantly. But, until I have the judges decision, I know I won't take anything for granted. Anything could happen and now I know ex is capable of this, he could be capable of more and throw something else at me.
As always, thanks for checking in on me and your support xxx
Iamworthit · Yesterday 18:44
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · Yesterday 10:33
@Iamworthit your court case is Tuesday I think? How are you doing? Have you seen your children again?
Hi, nice username, dd2 loves hungry caterpillar!
I saw them once in the week aswell as yesterday and today. All had to be supervised by my mum, despite his solicitor confirming she sent him the letter from my CpN on Tuesday lunchtime, and me also sending him a message to say he now has it. However this letter he so desperately said he needs for me to have unsupervised and overnight visits he hasn't even responded to. I'm presuming he is waiting till court on Tuesday.
Yesterday the girls informed me that daddy left them at a strange woman's house whilst he went to work...
The time has been wonderful and I've really treasured every moment. Yesterday my one year old was in desperate need of a nap, he snuggled up to me in our new king-size bed in our new house and he slept peacefully for well over 2 hours. I feel so blessed to be their mummy and am thrilled at how comfortable they have been when back with me for these times. If anyone reads this in the future going through something similar - they don't forget you. That was my biggest fear, but I have more faith now that the bond between a mother and her children will always be there, no matter what or who stands in the way. Love is love.
So, our new magic house (the girls named it) is empty again for now. I'm just counting down the time until Tuesday afternoon and hoping/praying/wishing/ that the judge sees him for what he is and what he has put the children through. My solicitor is hopeful, but obviously no one knows what's going to happen on the day. I never thought my ex was capable of what he has done, but here we are.
I hope everyone has had a lovely mother's day 💗
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 11:18
Thankyou for all your messages and words of support for tomorrow. The police know everything, they did their welfare check on the children whilst he was staying at his parents house in their old country farm house with the attatched holiday home for them to stay in surrounded by their 40 acres of land. Not in the home where he and I lived with his shed at the bottom of the garden and no doubt chaos in the house where for the first time he is having to do all housework, laundry and cooking. They have been back at his for almost 2 weeks now. I have found a small comfort in them choosing games on their tablets and me getting the notification to approve their choices. The fact that I left with barely anything means they have the majority of their toys there, beds, tv etc and to them it was our home where we all lived together so at least they have familiarity. Cafcass will probably be doing a Section 7 report in which case they will meet with us and the kids in both houses so can make their own assessments from that.
They love our new house and I've explained to them the benefits of two houses, bedrooms, toys, Christmas, birthdays etc. They are being so resilient and brave through it all. I'm hoping for them it's just been a bit of an adventure.
The children filled me in on their day at the 'stranger ladies' house, where there was other children, guinea pigs a cat and a dog. They watched telly and played with the other kids and the animals and they gave dd2 a dress she particularly liked. They were very animated about it. I guess at the very least they had fun, I imagine they've been pretty bored with him. We had to drive past his house and up the road next to ex's house to get to mine yesterday and dd1 proudly pointed out 'that ladies house'. Would you believe it's almost directly behind his house!! For all I know he's been seeing this woman behind my back. She could have been hopping over the fence every night and going into his shed for all I know. I can't believe this is my life right now, you couldn't make it up. But as I've come to learn the hard way I certainly can't trust him, and I won't put anything past him.
Literally just counting down till tomorrow now.
X
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 13:28
I have no idea who she is. I did however do a Facebook search of the local "Andreas" in the area and the kids pointed to who she was and pointed to the children who they recognised. It took all of about 60 seconds to find her. And the kids named the kids correctly to what she had shared publicly on her fb page. There's even a picture of her 'cheers-ing' her primary aged son both of them holding glasses of red wine. I've taken screenshots. Her name isn't on any registered childminder lists.
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 13:29
ThreeLocusts · Today 12:12
Will light a candle for you tonight. You've kept it together amazingly through all this. Here's hoping your kids will be back with you tomorrow.
Thankyou x
Go to post ADVERTISEMENT
Iamworthit · Today 13:41
Ilovethewild · Today 13:10
Op, stay true to yourself and your children.
don’t get caught up with what ex is doing/seeing/sleeping with. It is irrelevant! You can’t control it and the kids are ok. It will just muddy the waters. As others say it’s another twist from ex to distract you and send you off the rails.
focus on what you can do and what’s in the childrens best interest.
good luck with tomorrow, I hope the kids come home to you asap.
I genuinely don't care what he's up to relationship wise, I've been hoping he'd find someone else for a long time and leave me alone.
What I do care about is him leaving the kids with someone they don't know for whatever reason, when I'm round the corner desperate to see them, and him thinking he can do whatever he likes without any consideration for them, me or my mum who's had to drop everything (shes been brilliant in all this) without question, to supervise time for me to have my own children.
I will definitely be asking for first refusal of child care as some other posters have suggested.
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 13:42
Sunriseinwonderland · Today 13:20
My ex hid him for a month. DS was desperate to see me. My ex is a very wicked man.
Show quote history That's despicable. I'm so sorry x
Go to post Iamworthit · Today 19:19
Tomorrow is an urgent hearing to sort out the interim child arrangements before the first official hearing in May after cafcass have done their reports. It's possible there will be another 2 Hearings after that and this could take anywhere from 6 months up to a year to resolve.
Because he did a runner with the kids first, filed a Prohibited Steps Order to stop them living with me because he is saying I'm mentally unstable.
Best case scenario they return to live with me and the judge sees through his controlling behaviour and that he doesn't have the kids best interests at heart. Worst case scenario it stays as it is.
I suspect he has something else up his sleeve to throw at me tomorrow. Its clear he wants me to suffer as much as possible.

ULTRAKILL is a fast-paced ultraviolent old school first-person shooter developed by Arsi "Hakita" Patala and published by New Blood Interactive. You play as V1, a combat machine fueled by blood who has ventured into the depths of Hell after the extinction of humanity. Hell abounds with demons and tormented souls, sources of blood that you must rend apart in order to refuel yourself and survive. ULTRAKILL's gameplay combines features from classic shooters like Quake, modern shooters like Doom (2016) and character action games like Devil May Cry. The game places emphasis on movement, dodging attacks, and efficient gunplay in its arena-style levels. Upon completing a level, the game measures how quickly the player finish the level, whether he killed enough enemies and how much style did player accumulate. Style is gained by regularly switching between weapons and combining their features to maximize the damage output. These stats are measured via letters, with D being the worst and S being the best, however, if the player has managed to get S on time, kills and style without dying once he receives a P-rank, which is theorized to stand for "Perfect" and nothing else. In addition, the player's health can only be restored by showering in the blood of enemies, requiring the player to adopt an aggressive playstyle that regularly places them in close combat with their opponents.
The game is divided into three Acts, as well as a Prelude, which is considered to be a part of Act 1. As of now, only 2 Acts are completed, with Act 2 being finished just a few months ago. At the end of each Act is a door that can only be opened if the player got a P-rank on every level of the respective Act and upon entering player will have a secret level to beat, a Prime Sanctum. In this essay I will be describing how to complete the first of these Prime Sanctums — P-1.
But first let's look what V1 has at... his? It's? Their? disposal in Act 1:
In terms of movement, V1 can dash and slide: dash makes the player quickly travel to the direction he's moving in, additionally rendering him invincible for 0,2 seconds. V1 holds a maximum of 3 dashes and one dash recovers in 2 seconds. Dashing interrupts any momentum the player previously had. Holding the slide button shortens V1's hitbox and makes him continuously travel with a speed twice as higher than V1's walking speed in the direction he last moved in until the player releases the slide button or the slide is interrupted by other means. While holding the slide button the player can't change the direction of the slide and the dash stamina doesn't recover. And while in the air, the player can press the sliding button to quickly travel to the ground and perform a ground slam, which will deal some damage to the enemy that was right under V1's feet and will knock up all the light-weighted enemies into the air, thus paralyzing them for a short time in which the player can deal damage to them. But that's not all — to quickly gain momentum player can press dash and then immediately press space to perform a dashjump which will launch the player far in the direction of his movement, but it will also consume 2 stamina bars so it's best to use that wisely. And jumping immediately after sliding resluts in a slidejump. Though doesn't pack such momentum as dashjump, but it can be done continuously without consuming any stamina, so increase it's speed the player can first dashjump and then continue slidejumling.
As for the weapons, there are a lot of them: Every weapon slot has multiple weapon variants to switch between with only the 4th weapon slot having 3 variants to choose from and the rest having only 2, blue and green, so far. Weapon variants, which reside in their respective weapon slots can be switched between by a press of a button that switches them and weapon slots can be easily switched by scrolling a mouse wheel or pressing buttons that these weapons are assigned to. Additionally, the player can switch between 2 fists at V1's disposal: The blue "feedbacker" which itself deals low damage but can parry enemy projectiles and attacks have a yellow flash before being done and the red "knuckleblaster" which, though cannot parry, deals heavy damage on hit and, if the player holds the punch button, it deals light damage in a large area with a shockwave, which can deflect all projectiles within it's range. Parrying an enemy projectile restores all of V1's health and dash stamina, but simply deflecting them with the knuckleblaster doesn't.
Now onto the weapons. The first weapon slot is reserved for revolvers. The revolvers can shoot once every 0,5 seconds and deal little damage on their own and start to differ when you look what the can do with either clicking or holding and releasing the right mouse button. Upon holding and releasing the right mouse button, the blue "piercer" shoots a beam which can pierce three enemies and deals slightly more damage and upon clicking the right mouse button while holding the green "marksman" V1 throws a coin into the air, where it can be shot and which will make any hitscan weapon's fire, be it a bullet or a beam, ricochet into the targets weak point, dealing more damage. Additionally, for a brief moment after being thrown the coin flashes and if the player is to shoot the coin at that exact moment with a standard marksman the shot will split in two and hit 2 targets. These splitshots quite useful when you need to hit 2 targets at once. The piercer can shoot a charged shot every 3 seconds, and the marksman produces 1 coin in 4 seconds and can hold a maximum of 4 coins at max. Near the end of Limbo, Hell's first layer, player can unlock alternate revolvers — they can shoot once every 2 seconds but deal twice the damage. While alternate marksman's coins are the same as the regular one's, the alt. fire for the alternate piercer, also known as the slab revolver, shoots a piercing shot with even greater damage and a cool-down twice as long. Note that weapon variants and alternate variants are two different things: you can switch between weapon variants on the fly whenever you want to with a click of a button, while alternate weapons can only be equipped manually with a terminal at the beginning of each level. It is heavily advised to equip the regular marksman amd the slab revolver: regular marksman allow the player to rapidly shoot coins and the slab revolver deals more damage than it's regular counterpart and also allows the player to shoot a regular or a charged shot once and then focus on other weapons while it recharges. Throwing all 4 coins into the air and them shooting them with a charged slab shot before they fall to the ground can deal massive damage to the enemy unlucky enough to be it's target. The second weapon slot is reserved for the blue and green shotguns. Shotguns' left-click produces many pellets with pitiful damage when shot at long range and high damage when shot within close proximity to the enemy. The blue "core eject" reloads in 1,25 seconds and it's alt. fire makes the shotgun eject it's explosive core, dealing substantial damage, however makes the shotgun reload for 2,3 seconds. The core will fly further, depending on how long the player held the right mouse button and shooting the core while it's in the air will detonate it and the explosion will deal more damage depending on what hitscan weapon the player hit the core with. The green "pump charge" shotgun, though deals slightly less damage, has a reload lasting less than a second and it's alt. fire pumps the shotgun, thus loading more pellets in it, which in turn will deal more damage on the next shot. Pumping the shotgun once doubles it's original damage, pumping it twice, triples it and pumping it thrice overloads it and upon next shot it will result in an explosion around the player, dealing quintupled damage. The damage from the explosion can be avoided by immediately dashing away after shooting the overpumped shotgun. There are 2 very interesting techniques with shotguns that can be combined together: quick swapping and projectile boosting: quickly swapping between the blue and green variants right after shooting, ignores the need for shotguns to reload and thus maximizes their damage output and, because of how the shotgun pellets work, making a punch with the blue "feedbacker" arm immediately after making shot boosts the pellet in the center and upon reaching either an enemy or a surface the pellets will explode. Thus shooting, immediately punching the pellets exiting out of the shotgun and switching to a different variant to repeat the process allows the player to rapidly shoot explosions. Though only 3 in a row — the feedbacker can make only 3 consecutive punches before it has a cool-down. Next are nailguns, again, blue and green. The blue "attractor" nailgun is the only weapon in the game that has limited ammo - only 100 nails, even though they're being restored over time. It has 3 magnets at its disposal, which can be deployed onto a surface or onto an enemy to attract and hold a certain amount of nails for a limited time before the magnet explodes and returns to the nailgun. The green "overheat" nailgun has 2 heatsink charges, each refills 8 seconds after being used, and a meter, which can be charged by shooting for some time and pessing alt fire when the overheat meter has charge will spit out fiery nails in a rapid-fire burst, using up one of the nailgun's charges. The player can make a temporary "nail bomb" by putting down all 3 magnets and shooting all of his nails and heatsink charges onto them, so that the enemy will receive massive amounts of damage when he'll walk over the trap. But be careful: the more nails there are on the magnet, the sooner it will expire. And the last weapon the player unlocks in Act 1 is the railgun, blue, green, but this time also red! The blue "electric" railgun shoots a powerful, infinitely piercing energy beam which deals massive damage, but the recharge takes whole 16 seconds, so just like with the slab revolver the player is encouraged to shoot it once and focus on other weapons before it recharges, though the railgun deals more damage, shoots not upon holding and releasing, but simply clicking and takes forever to recharge. Since the railgun's beam is hit-scan, shooting it at a coin reflects the beam and if the coin is behind the target, the beam travels back into the target to damage it again — that's a railcoin. Moreover, since the coin inherits the player's velocity and moves in the same direction the player does, by throwing a coin when walking into the enemy, then throwing another one while walking away and then shooting the first coin with a railgun the beam can piece the enemy 3 times, dealing insane amounts of damage. The green "screwdriver" railgun shoots a drill that, upon hitting an enemy, continually deals damage for 7,5 seconds and drop huge amounts of blood and thus healing the player if he is with close proximity to the enemy at whom the drill has been shot at. This is a weapon especially useful to those who struggle to stay alive in certain situations, for example bossfights one might find rather difficult. The red "malicious" railgun immitates an attack of The Malicious Face, one of ULTRAKILL's enemies — a beam that produces an explosion upon reaching a surface. The explosion's radius and damage can be increased exponentially by shooting the the core ejected from the blue shotgun while it's in the air — this will result in the biggest explosion possible in the game called "nuke". Nuking can be very useful to near instantaneously deal damage to a large area and this aspect can be essential to clearing P-1.
Speaking of, let's finally discuss what the first Prime Sanctum has in store for the player! As soon as the player steps out of the elevator shaft, he is greeted by a torch standing on a pedestal and a long spinal staircase descending into the pitch-black darkness. V1 picks up the torch and begins to descent. An eery music starts coming out of nowhere and slowly distorts as V1 marches further down into unknown, until finally a mouth-like hatch opens and there's no other way to go than inside it. Reaching it's bottom and walking a little further there's a door and another pedestal before it. Offering the torch to the pedestal opens the door and in the arena inside lies a horrifying attrocious spinning octahedron suspended in the air by two tendrils on the ground and ceiling with eyes and a mouth on it's sides. Flesh Prison has 3 attacks, each is signaled with a colorful flash of light. When it flashes cyan it starts spinning and producing several rounds of homing projectiles around itself which can either be parried back back to it, dealing quite a chunk of damage, or avioded entirely by either moving really fast around Flesh Prison by dashjumping and slidejumping or simply getting really close to it because the projectiles won't fly into the hellish octahedron so as to not damage it, however this option is made harder by the other 2 attacks. When Flesh Prison flashes purple it emits a black hole that will slowly chase V1 around the arena and if it hits him it will leave the player with only 1 health and make him unable to heal at all for some time. This means that as soon as the black hole spawns in, the player can't afford to be too close to Flesh Prison lest they become incredible vounerable. And when the octahedron flashes white it creates a large stationary circle right under the player and after a few seconds a damaging white beam of light will appears in it's place for 3 seconds. Then another circle will appear, but this time the heavenly beam will try to predict where the player will be next and fire there after the same amount of time as the last one. Then a third one does the same.
But all of these tricks up Flesh Prison's metaphorical sleeve pale in comparison to it's most devilish mechanic — healing. A few seconds after appearing before the player Flesh Prison spawns a dozen or so floating eyeballs that periodically shoot tiny beams at the player. After about 30 seconds they stop moving, Flesh Prison starts to receive much less damage and glows green. 5 seconds later it consumes all eyeballs and for each eyeball consumed it heals 10% of it's health. Then it spawns another batch of eyeballs to consume later. Outrageous, isn't it? But that's not all, for each eyeball present on the battlefield, the damage Flesh Prison receives lowers the amount off time till the next heal, so it is in player's interest to get rid of all eyeballs to properly deal damage to the octahedron without the fear of having done all that for naught. The easiest way to do it is perform splitshots with a standard marksman, since all eyes have only 1 health point. A more effective, though harder to pull off is nuking — shooting the blue shotgun's ejected core while it's in the air with the malicious railgun will produce an explosion large enough to kill all eyeballs, though even if a few have somehow evaded the explosion they can easily be taken care of with the aforementioned splitshots. It's a cake walk after that — the player must simply run around Flesh Prison to avoid it's attacks and use any weapons at their disposal to deal damage. If done right and quick, there will be no need to worry about the second batch of eyeballs coming in to heal Flesh Prison.
After it is defeated, it's guts violently explode and the only thing left is a soul. A prime soul. Prime souls are souls so powerful they don't require a husk to manifest a physical form, only immense willpower. Such a soul is formed when a person who is strongly remembered by many and with a mighty will dies. One such person was Minos the Judge of Hell. When God suddenly disappeared, Heaven went in chaos and no power watched over Hell, Minos felt that an eternal punishment was a punishment too harsh for those who simply wanted to love. And so the king began reforming the Lust layer, leading to much prosperity, as Minos lead his subjects to built a new civilization together. But one day the Council brought stability to Heaven with an iron fist and after they saw how Minos went against God's will they deemed it heresy, and so they ordered Gabriel, Heaven's brightest angel to kill the renegade. To no avail the king tried to reason with Father's righteous hand — he had struck him down. Since Minos' will was strong enough to stand up to Heaven's will, the angels feared his soul could become a prime one and so they imprisoned it deep inside king's husk and ordered the it to destroy all he and his people worked so hard on. Suffice to say, from inside his prison Minos vowed to take revenge and V1 just gave him an opportunity to do so. However, before that, it must pay for the crimes machines have committed against humankind.
Minos Prime has 8 attacks and almost each he signals verbally. After a windup animation with an orange glow and a hissing sound, Minos launches a homing serpent-like projectile that the player can parry. Minos can teleport to the player and attempt an Uppercut, sending the player into the air, after which Minos will teleport above the player and perform an Overhead, sending the player right under him, then he will shout "Crush!" and slam the ground with incredible force and send a shockwave throughout the entire arena. If the player doesn't dodge any of these he will most definitely die. Best avoided by sliding away from an aircut or dashing away from any of these. Sometimes if the Uppercut is dodged, and V1 is still close to the ground, Minos may teleport to him and make an Overhead there, followed by the same "Crush!" if not dodged. Other times if the Uppercut is dodged and Minos is airborne, he may shout "Die!" and slam towards the player, creating a shockwave just like he makes with a "Crush!". Best avoided by either jumping into the air when Minos shouts "Die!", then dashing away to avoid Minos' groui slam and then ground slamming when the shockwave is behind or by dashing once to avoid the slam and then quickly dashing back to dash through the shockwave. "Prepare thyself!" is a three-kick combo with the serpent projectile being launched on a third kick. Each hit can send V1 into the air and if one of them connects, Minos interrupts his combo and instead goes for the aforementioned Uppercut combo. Best avoided by either sliding away or simply walking "Thy end is now!" is similar to "Prepare thyself!" with the exception that Minos performs 4 kicks that can send V1 into the air and the last kick is parryable. After the fourth kick Minos is stationary for 2 seconds, which is an excellent time to deal some damage.1,5 seconds after shouting "Judgement!" Minos will teleport to the player and perform an explosive dropkick. After teleport Minos is still airborne, so sometimes he can follow it up with an Overhead or a "Die!". Best avoided by parrying Minos as soon as he teleports in for the dropkick and then immediately dashing away. After Minos reaches 50% health he shouts "WEAK" and changes some of his attack patterns. For example, he can now summon serpent projectiles after leaping into the air to perform a "Die!" or a "Crush!" or an Overhead. Before the fight starts, the king makes a speech where he warns Gabriel that his reckoning dawns, which is an excellent time to set up a nail trap. Additionally, if the player presses the escape button to skip the cutscene, all of his ammo is restored to the point where it would have after the end of the speech, so if the player were to throw all 4 coins into the air after setting up a nail trap, then switching to a slab revolvet and holding the right click, then pressing the escape button and shooting the airborne coins the player still has 4 coins and all heatsink charges.
This should be more or less enough information on how to beat P-1, I must now attend the recently released P-2, where lies the prime soul of the warrior-king Sisyphus.

Not long ago my father unexpectedly passed away. He had a heart attack and didn't make it. I did CPR on him before help showed up, but it was too late. Did I do enough? Did the rescuers who came do enough? Could it have gone differently? Those are all the things that are swirling around in my brain.
If I can share some details and just vent that would be greatly appreciated. Any feedback is welcomed. Sorry this is long, it was actually MUCH longer but I chopped it down.
My dad was having health/heart issues the last few years and his quality of life wasn't the best because of blood flow issues. Had small heart attacks and stents in the past, a small stroke, and he wasn't the healthiest eater. Always dizzy, eyesight was in and out, and he didn't feel good enough to do anything most people take pleasure in. He still worked, drove, and lived his daily life, but he didn't feel well.
He had his fair share of heart related issues over the years (Stents, Small Stroke, etc) so he was no stranger to it. He would always say if he was any worse off or in any kind of vegetative state that he would rather be dead and to put him out of his misery or he would do it himself if he could. He already had a poor quality of life from his past heart issues (Dizziness, eyesight was in and out etc) and he was an extremely independent person, so he hadn't felt well or been happy for a while. A guy who did everything himself all of his life, and the last few years he couldn't find joy in anything because he felt so poorly. If he had survived and his quality of life was worse than it already was, he would have resented anyone for calling 911 or saving him. While having chest pain that night he told my mom he wanted to die home that night, and soon after he did.
He was having chest pain I found out that night for about 1.5-2 hours but refused to go to the hospital or have 911 called and said he wanted to die at home. Luckily I was close by and I got the call he collapsed and was there within a minute or less. As soon as I got there, I told my mom to leave the room and someone else there called 911 and I got to doing CPR. He had no pulse and after an agonal breath he was fully unresponsive. In between my rescue breaths and chest pumping, he started to breath again but would soon stop. I don't have any training but I've seen videos to understand how to do it. I figured anything was better than nothing.
The 1st responders showed and after the fact I realize they didn't give him much of a chance. After a few minutes of my efforts where he actually seemed to take a few breaths in-between my efforts, I thought I was handing him off to good hands and they didn't seem to follow typical protocol. I won't get into the details here since this post isn't about that, but know that it gave him less of a chance at survival. By the time the paramedics showed I think too much time had passed and tried everything, shocked him and got a faint pulse, but he died on the way to the hospital.
If he were to survive, I can imagine his quality of life would have been horrendous considering how the odds were already stacked against him. If he survived and was partially paralyzed or in worse shape, he would have resented me for it. While doing CPR I literally felt relief when I saw him take a breath of his own and I thought I had saved him, but the immediate thought after was guilt that I would have prolonged his unhappiness and now he would be much worse off. He seemed like he knew his time was short, and was at peace with it. Hurts to think he was fine leaving me and the entire family, but I have to somehow understand on his level that he needed to be selfish and do what he needed to do.
I realize the chance of survival of CRP is already slim, but I can't help to think that because chances are so low, that my efforts, and others mattered all that much more.
I did the best I could I guess, but I partially feel like I failed him. He was my dad, he was my best friend.
At his wake and funeral, I am still amazed at how many people came out and all the kind things they said and the impact he had on so many. I always knew he was a good guy, but he was a tough character, and he had no filter when he spoke so I always thought he maybe rubbed some people the wrong way towards the later years of his life. But I was wrong, he left an impact on people it seemed, even if he only met them once. People from all over literally crying, something I haven't ever seen at a wake with so many strangers crying. That was touching, but made me even more sad since I don't think he realized how much he was loved.
Weeks later, I'm still left with lots of emotions. Did I do all I could have? Would he have survived if I actually knew how to do CPR better? If I understood common resuscitation and advocated for him better he possibly would have had a better chance at survival with the responders before the paramedics showed up?
So its a stack of emotion of grief, my own efforts, and the efforts of others.
I'm not one to ask for help and I won't go directly to find a therapist. I know a lot of you will probably suggest this and I am listening if you do. I do talk to family and I have a support system if I need it, but again I'm not one to ask for help. Eventually I may be there, but I"m not there just yet.
Any words of wisdom, experience being in a similar situation, or any thoughts from any angle to help me grieve are appreciated.
Thanks for letting me vent.