S10EP1 ; Scores so Far (shoutout to bumblebutter123 for the Math)
Aaaand we're back baby ! Last night Maya Jama pulled a fast one on the girlies and imported a new MAN into the villa. The ladies are SWOONING !! +100 points to the stinky producers for scheming on how to get George (barf) out of the Villa. Zachariah gets +2 points for the chin rubs. He also gets +5 points for going by his full name and not a nickname. Jess is WET for this man, is it because she actually likes him or just because George (barf) sucks so hard and also is ugly? Social media snooping reveals that he is friends with Fan Favorite Jack Fowler (+2 points for being friends with Fan Favorite Jack Fowler). We ALSO find out that Zachariah (not Zach) is a semi-pro athlete which is an automatic -10 point deduction! MY game MY rules !
The girls give him a VERY brief interrogation. Gender Isolationism returns and the ladies proceed to giggle giggle tittle tattle about how hot he is. Jess says George (barf) is too nice (liar!!). Ella Rose Depp regrets not stepping forward (kind of) but is still happy w/ the man who doesn't remember who she is (-8 points for believing that Tyrique remembers who she is (he doesn't)).
Mitchell Red Bottoms is genuinely obsessed ( scary! ) with Molly (who owns a chicken). He walks over to the girlies and gives her his JACKET???? +14 points for romantic behavior. Is it love, lust, or a desperado attempt at being the #1 guy of the group? Only time will tell.
Cut to the outdoor kitchen where some of the islanders are snackin. CATHERINE all caps asks Zachariah (not Zach) what his background is, and the girlies do NOT believe that he is 100% White British Full Stop. He is from SEL (South East London) which is the equivalent of a white man from Detroit. The crowd goes WILD !! They are SEARCHING for an ounce of melanin !! Someone get this man a 23 and me !!
Ella Rose Depp has a mouth full of crackers (-10 points) and asks Zachariah (not Zach) to name his top 3. Ruchee in the mix as she deserves !! CATHERINE all caps and ERD are also his faves which leaves Jess (single blonde female) in the dust ! Sorry gal pal, this IS the season where the BHBE (Blonde Hair Blue Eyes) Curse has been lifted!!
Tyrique and Ella Rose Depp are on the L couch talking about the vibes. Tyrique is lowercase stressing about Zachariah but he's happy that ERD didn't step forward. Blah blah I like you the most blah blah it's only day 1. MIND YOU - this whole time he is licking his lips like a maniac !!!! Truly the least hot way imaginable (-28 points for his 180 degree tongue on outer mouth area activity).
Jess and George (barf) are at the stove and ROUND OF APPLAUSE for the first apology cheese toasty of the season !!!! +3 points to the stinky producers for keeping the kitchen stocked with cheddar. George (barf) “rates it” that Jess stepped forward & was honest w herself, I cannot be swayed by his behavior because he is a BAD MAN ALL CAPS !
Zachariah (not Zach) begins his VWT (Villa World Tour) on the Big L Couch, chatting up Ruchee - her eyes LIGHT UP when he mentions he likes a little drama in his life!! Ladykins this is not the serve you think it is. She is ready to drop trou at any point and honestly I do NOT blame her he is very hot. Ruchee is back with her "mannerisms" attraction which is very funny to me and also I would love some clarification. +35 points for consistency.
Jess sees Zachariah coming towards her and Tyrique so she immediately starts hyping up Ruchee & her exit plan begins. Please stand clear of the closing doors because Jess likes Tyrique but is distracted by the shiny new toy (Zachariah). She puts on a nice calm voice which is a treat because she's usually yelling. Ruchee is very up front about being attracted to Tyrique (+5 points for radical honesty) and altho he appreciates her honesty, he gives absolutely no indication that the feeling is mutual LMAO.
Zachariah (not Zach) is in the beach hut and says “In a place where everyone is beautiful to ask me what my type is is just a bit silly". + 50 points for being a SMOOTH talker. Cut to Ruchee and Medhi (world class muncher). Ruchee is ROCKING that ponytail +4 points. She apologies to Mehdi Muncher and he’s actually such a respectful man I 100% believe him when he tells her not to feel bad. + 100 points for being Genuine!!
Time for Bed !! We know its Time For Bed because Red Bottoms sings a little song called Time For Bed. -2 points because no one reacts. It's only the first night and it already feels like week 3??? +4 points to the stinky producers for casting. Molly (who owns a chicken) and Red Bottoms share a little smooch which is cute. Jess needs a new lash tech because her right eye is NOT properly adhered -12 points for a half on half off lash. Zachariah breathes thru his mouth which means he snores no DOUBT about it. - 18 points !!
Morning has arrived - no song from Red Bottoms -11 points for inconsistency. Ella Rose Depp and Tyrique are bickering in bed but in a fun way I guess? Maybe it's the background music making it seem less hostile. In a last ditch attempt to save his own *ss, George (barf) tells everyone he’s going to make breakfast (scrambled eggs from Molly’s Chicken). Jess is the Assistant Director if the VBI (Villa Bureau of Investigations) and using her superpower (listening in the dark) accuses the general public (the cast of this damn show) of smooches in the night time. +32 points for investigative journalism. Red Bottoms asks Ella Rose Depp and Tyrique if THEY were the ones w a smooch and ERD says ”no!” and BOOM Red Bottoms is caught !! Get a lie detector in the building because he is very unconvincingly saying it wasn't him. Everyone LAFFS because it's just a bit of banter.
Jess (VBI) is nothing if not an honest woman and tells George (barf) how she likes her tea + 6 points for MILF behavior. Red Bottoms and Molly (who owns a chicken) are very cuddly and basically married off at this point. Molly WILL break his heart and I can't wait !! ERD & Tyrique also spooned. CATHERINE all caps is already meh about Andre who is 21 and a business owner. Jess is WET for Zachariah (not Zach).
Zachariah continues his VWT (Villa World Tour) and pulls Molly (who owns a chicken) for a chat. Molly is a LIAR who claims she's not closed off. - 12 points for delusions. The boys are also WET for Zachariah (not Zach) + 3 points for chin rubs +20 points for asserting himself as the Alpha. Molly (who owns a chicken) thinks he's boring but lets be real it's only because he doesn't have an ADHD diagnosis.
CATHERINE all caps is the next stop in the World Tour and Zachariah is putting it ON her. Zachariah (not Zach) is WET for CATHERINE all caps (as he should be). Now THIS is a man who knows how to lick his lips !! George (barf) and Molly (who owns a chicken) talk and claims that she's attracted to him? -17 points for entertaining his nonsense. The way she speaks to him is almost like he’s an 8 year old and she’s his nanny. George (barf) says he levitates towards her. Yes - LEVITATES !!!! - 90 points for being loud and wrong.
Jess (VBI) and Tyrique are feet in the pool hanging out and vibing just a bit. As the Assistant Director of the VBI, she is actively investigating the severity of his deafness and the man is just like, its literally fine and not a problem. Jess (VBI) tells him he's sexy as hell +5 points for radical honesty. Blah Blah you're not my usual type blah blah. Jess (VBI) uses this as an opportunity to display her wit and humor with a little poem “Made ya look made ya stare made ya change your type” +22 points for off-the-cuff hilarity.
BACK TO THE WORLD TOUR- Zachariah (Not Zach) pulls Ella Rose Depp for a chat. She's still saying she's happy with Tyrique (who doesn't remember her) but isn't fully closed off. ERD is deffo used to men chasing her so she's giving him VERY little to work with.
Challenge time !! Due to the length of this recap I will NOT be rating their entrance lines bc they're all dumb as hell. -88 points to the stinky producers for the water slide. We learn that Ella Rose Depp snooped through her ex's phone, Jess was underage drinking and got her nipple pierced, CATHERINE all caps had her first kiss and proceeded to kiss 4 other men that same night +100 points for being a queen. Molly (who owns a chicken) put poop in her handbag -11 points for hygiene, Zachary makes all the boys clap for him +3 points for Alpha behavior. Ruchee isn't into men who split the bill on the first few dates, Jess boned someone in a port-a-potty, Red Bottoms dated 3 girls at the same time 7 months ago !! spooky scary !! Molly (who owns a chicken) is NOT impressed. Mehdi Muncher hit on a mothedaughter duo, Andre is into MILFs, Zachariah (not Zach) ghosted a girl and told her his phone was broken -40 points for dishonesty and a bad lie, Tyrique has slept w 100+ women and says "pulling and shagging is all I know". ERD is NOT impressed. -20 points to Tyrique for FLOPPING.
Red Bottoms tries to talk his way out of his 3 person dilemma and claims that he was single the whole time and tells Molly (who owns a chicken) that it's the "worst thing he's ever done" -17 points for Fraud. Zachariah (not Zach) and CATHERINE all caps are a match made in heaven COUPLE UP ALREADY PLEASE !! Andre fumbles the bag and tries to pull CATHERINE all caps away from Zachariah. He does it in the wierdest way -100 points for being a FLOP. He thinks it's a flex to be territorial but CATHERINE all caps is NOT impressed.
Ella Rose Depp claims that she likes Zachariah (not Zach) but is very bad at reciprocating his interest. Ruchee tells Zachariah that she's into Andre who is 21 years old and a business owner. Ruchee asks Zachariah if he knows what Patois is ... GIRL HE'S FROM SEL (South East London) !!!
**edit** Ruchee asked Zachariah about Pak Choi no Patois !!!!!! Oopsie my American Ears misunderstood 😭
Before he can answer the question, Judgement Time arrives and Zachariah (not Zach) has to make his choice. Blah Blah this isn't an easy choice blah blah difficult to choose blah blah ... and he picks CATHERINE all caps, the sun is shining the moon is singing and all is right in the world !
Hope you enjoyed xoxo cloud_mom

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Does anybody have the sheet music for skeleton sam by LVCRFT? I want to transcribe it to ocarina tabs but I need the piano sheet music to do it. Any help is appreciated

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I'm a month into taking piano lessons and was just curious how this community finds sheet music. For instance, yesterday I was looking for sheet music for Lean on Me by Bill Withers and a multitude of sites popped up that costs a few dollars for it. I don't mind paying for them, I'm just leery about random sites. I also found several youtube instructional but I'd rather have the sheet music.

I understand why Go Nagai has tons of fans in Japan, a country where he's responsible for creating a handful of franchises that were not just mainstream but ludicrously, stupidly popular, and literally revolutionized or wholesale invented the genres he wrote them in. I also grant that indirectly, he had that impact on Western media too, by inspiring things like Sailor Moon or Evangelion, and Berserk, and probably too many to really list. But the difference is, in the West, his stuff never really took off the way it did seemingly everywhere else in the world - he wasn't some omnipresent rebel changing the face of media in the west the way he was in Japan because the stuff he made was extremely shocking and unlike anything else. Western fans have no choice but to evaluate his stuff without the scandalous novelty it had at the time, and judge it by its actual quality, and apparently a lot of people do this and go "Damn this guy's awesome". And, I really have to wonder... uh... why?
For those who don't know, as I was just hinting at, Go Nagai is probably second only to guys like Tezuka in terms of influence on manga, and really, all Japanese media. Cutie Honey arguably invented the magical girl genre. Mazinger Z was right there at the beginning of the 70s Mecha boom. Devilman's influence can be felt in how fucked up Evangelion is, as well as half of everything else you've ever seen from Japan that you thought "Damn that's fucked up and dark" (there's a straight line from Devilman to Madoka). And unfortunately, arguably most importantly given its monster mainstream success, Harenchi Gakuen, which was really the first manga to ever do extreme amounts of Perv Characters, Fanservice, really Ecchi itself basically, and the origin of Pervy Boy Characters In Manga Trying To Perv On The Girls as a plot or endearing character archetype. This was a manga where male teachers were constantly trying to perv on their female students - really, the first manga where this happened, which caused enormous fucking protests wherever Go Nagai went. It was also arguably a bigger hit than nearly any of the other names you might actually recognize, because the TV adaptation had ratings as high as 32 fucking percent.
I think I have to say here, that I'm going to be super critical of his work that seems to mostly consist of one connected extended multiverse(?), but that I also haven't read any of his work to completion. But I also feel like I need to say, it's because I think it's really really bad. To show how bad it is, here's an actual excerpt from the ludicrously influential Cutie Honey as made by Go Nagai, a character who in the 90s was, for some reason, literally number one with girls aged 3-5 and 6-8, but before you click that link and read it, please let me warn you that it may be the worst portion of any fiction I've ever read. I don't just mean because of the obvious shocking parts, I mean that even if you overlook that somehow, it's actually still dreadfully bad writing, and I assume I don't need to explain why if you read that. I have not read a Go Nagai manga to completion because I literally think it's so bad that I can't get through it - with the exception of some Devilman stuff (I think Devilman Saga is more readable than Devilman, and Devilman Lady isn't worth discussing lol), and Demon Lord Dante, which from what I've read (which isn't all of it), I think is mostly better than Devilman, but I also just can't get through a Go Nagai manga because even when it's readable it'll still be like... well, if you clicked the link, you saw.
This is somehow a character extremely popular with super young girls, so mainstream that even people not into it would probably recognize the theme song in Japan, by the way.
But in reality, I need to talk about Devilman, easily the biggest thing of his in the West. Devilman is beloved by a lot of fans because... well, okay, to be honest, I'm really not sure I get what the appeal is. People talk about Devilman being raw, affecting, emotional, profound, moving, and deep, and to be honest I just... don't think it is? Well, I guess Crybaby sort of is, but I think it's just shocking, and mostly unearned. Devilman came off to me as something that mainly worked by making you expect it to be something the mould of more normal Shonen, where there are broadly happy endings or important characters are not dismembered and their decapitated heads held by the protagonist. Then, suddenly, important characters are dismembered and their decapitated heads held by the protagonist. Now something sad is happening, so that means it's Deep and Good!
But that doesn't' make it good, and I really don't think it has much beyond that, and I can't help but see the stuff it has as mostly cheap shock and torture porn - actually, torture porn is an unfair label to give to Devilman, considering Violence Jack, effectively Devilman's sequel, so maybe exploitation is fairer. It's better at exploitation than the obviously derivative Elfen Lied, but still leaves me with that same overall sense of depressionporn without significant substance.
Cruelty/sadnessporn is not really something unique to Devilman, or Go Nagai - Tezuka himself wrote about how western audiences found some of the things he wrote super upsetting or "cruel", but how he felt the cruelty, the upsetting part, that was essential for actually portraying how cruel reality could be. The opening parts of Tezuka's Buddha (one of his best works) showcases this, particularly with the early escape scene of the Shudra woman, or the stuff like the rabbit burning itself, etc - it can definitely be confronting and upsetting! But there's more to it than just "Damn, that's pretty upsetting, isn't it! Bet you didn't expect that. That's what real life is like btw", like most Sadness/Crueltyporn manga, most of which ends up excusing its content by just going "Oh well the theme is that humans are bad and yeah, damn that's deep, yeah, humans are bad. Look at all this suffering and guro and naked women - there's piano music playing and people are sad so it's not hentai! It's taboo-breaking and deep!". See also: Elfen Lied.
Devilman really feels more on the Elfen Lied side of things. The story really begins with Ryo taking Akira to talk about demons and then of course, being attacked by demons whose vaginas are evil and will eat you. The story really isn't very good. Outside of Nagai's (legitimately great) cartooning, it's hard to read. The action might flow well, but the writing, the dialogue, what's actually happening, really feels like someone making it up on the spot even worse than Toriyama must have been, it's clunky, the pacing is fucked up, characters are introduced in the most random of ways, the manga starts with Ryo walking in on Akira being too much of a pussy to prevent a rape while the bullies and Miki are constantly going - almost explicitly - "Hey, you should do something to prevent this rape" while Ryo is casually talking about "let's go now, that's not important. oh here's my modified hunting rifle". It is genuinely fucking weird to read. Characters go on exposition rants so blatantly there to fill you in that it genuinely feels like you missed something and that the comic switched to narration at some point - so baldfaced in its exposition, in fact, that it has Akira call Ryo "you (My good friend)" with the brackets actually included in the text! This is meant to be dialogue!!! It's not good writing. It's not just that it's an early manga that aged poorly, because I've read a lot of earlier manga that's just plain and simple better and doesn't feel as amateurish in the most basic ways as Devilman does. It's legitimately not well written and carried by its reputation and shock, or things like "This demon's boobs wlil eat you" or "This demon's vagina will eat you".
Occasionally, it's genuinely funny in how prototypically edgelordy it is ("Oh this? It's laced with drugs."). Ryo, while we're still meant to see him as an ordinary(?) teenager, somehow has, in his private secret safe room, found a shitload of "rogue hippies" to have orgies at a party in order to become Devilmen. This is after emphasizing over and over how impregnable this iron encased cellar is and how it's a one way trip and how you can't get out of it. And then after going on about how these demons are too weak to get in, we later find out they can just teleport anyway. We also find out that the point is to also kill all the people at the party because they'll end up merging with demons too, but when that start's happening, somehow Akira and Ryo are surprised and say the demons are teleporting in. Also, in true Go Nagai fashion, he makes extra sure that the hot woman who just got stabbed by a shattered wine bottle has her boobs clearly visible so you can tell she's hot as she dies. No matter how tragic the deaths of the naked girls who get impaled or shot up or whatever kind of gore they suffer is, in Nagai stuff, he's still always clear to show you that they're naked, and hot, as they're dying.
Look. You get the picture. This is not well-written in the slightest.
I don't really think that Nagai does the gore and stuff to be confronting and deep. Harenchi Gakuen ended with everyone being guro'd by the PTA as a reference to the PTA protesting Nagai's books in real life. Violence Jack includes the reincarnation of the girl who got dismembered and also Ryo while we're at it, as amputee stump nudity slaves and then there's also more gore and there's like a constant drumbeat of rape after rape after rape. Devilman Lady is even more rape heavy. Nagai fans tend to immediately go, after you mention the gratuitous amount of rape, "Yes but he's portraying RAPE as BAD, see how the rapists are villains?" - one, I've been online, I've seen what's on the Japanese internet, I know that actual rape porn depicts it the same way half the time, so I don't care about that. Two - surely there's like, a point where you think "Okay, that's enough rape, it's time to write about something else", right? This is just the kind of thing Nagai does.
As I said before - supposedly, the theme of Devilman is that WarBad, and also The Real Demons Was Humans All Along. The writing is so incoherent that I frankly struggle to think about how well it portrayed War Is Bad, because it's difficult to make sense of nearly anything thematically in it except the extremely anvilicious The Real Demons Are The Humans. And the thing is, that type of Guys Isn't Humanity Really Awful theme is just stupid. I don't mean "Devilman doesn't do it well", I mean it's a theme that's always stupid that schlock Crueltyporn manga loves to indulge in.
For that kind of theme to work, it has to have some sense of like, relationship to real life! It has to appear to be a shocking, truth-telling moment, something that reveals something unsettling about reality, otherwise it's just making up a Dark Center Of Human Nautre wholesale then soyjak pointing at it going "No waaaay, this is the real heart of humanity you guys!" And if you read the comments on videos of some of the most shocking scenes of Crybaby, and you can see that's the takeaway the people who like the show are getting. It's why they say it's good! They say "Wow... this is so sad because now I realize real life and real humans could be like this too. Humans really ARE the real monsters".
But they're just not! The scenario in Devilman - whether it's crybaby or the manga - where humans suddenly become The Real Monsters and As Bad As The demons is never plausible no matter how it's portrayed, in every version it just feels absolutely unbelievable that the events could play out as presented. That's not naive denial that people could do terrible things in paranoid mobs, its' a denial that paranoia mobs in first world countries like Japan would take that form, or all the other shit that happens. The famous part where a mob of exaggeratedly evil looking stock manga heels just eviscerates important side characters, including the love interest (every adaptation except the OVA makes sure you can see her boobs as/after she dies btw), out of a desire to get revenge on and lynch demons as the world goes to unjustified chaos, and I just don't buy it. I don't believe it. I don't think it's naive to say that Devilman's take on this situation is unrealistically grim - I think a realistically grim take would look very different. I don't think one teenage boy on TV saying "Demons can possess anyone" would cause Miki's ordinary neighbours to become ugly manga heels who want to dismember her and parade her corpse parts on pikes, and I don't believe it when it happens in Crybaby either no matter how much art direction and sad music it wants to play. This fundamental lack of believability undermines the entire dark ending of the manga. I don't believe the rise of Rainuma and the tying of anti-demon hysteria to real world racism and then suddenly "Woopsy we did a heccin WW3". I do not believe any of that shit.
And yet, people seriously watch Devilman and think "Wow, how cruel the cold true heart of humanity underneath truly is... what a deep anime with a deep message, this could really happen." No it fucking couldn't! In any first world country, there'd be a million million more people who'd want to lean towards inaction or just finding reassurance that Ryo's scary TV interview was just words than there would be people whipped up into a frenzy over it. There probably would be some hysteria, but the scale and type of hysteria in Devilman can't be taken seriously. And no, I don't believe that Miki's ordinary neighbours would suddenly, even if whipped up into a frenzy beliving she's a demon, not only form a mob of literal pitchfork wielding ugly manga heels to kill her and her little brother (while talking about how hot they think she is), but I especially don't believe that they'd parade her dismembered corpse on pikes joyfully! I'd believe "A paranoid person who's otherwise normal when the world is calm takes it upon themselves to kill someone they believed associated with a demon when they break into their house, and leaves it at that", absolutely. I don't believe "Every ordinary person there is dismembers a teenage girl on pikes and enjoys it", and anyone who does needs their basic understanding of people checked. Even if a mob formed, in any first world country, once she was dead that'd be it. Normal people's disgust for, say, seeing a teenage girl dismembered, let alone dead and stabbed and whatever the fuck, is not about to be suspended because an edgy teenage boy gave an obviously scare mongering TV interview, and that alone is enough to really undermine the entire theme of "Humanity... is the real demons". The theme is undermined, because it's a fucking shitty theme, presented in a way that doesn't make sense, that can only make its point by making shit up about The Darkness In Humanity, and then go "Wow, look at how real this Darkness In Humanity is, I totally didn't just make it up and expect you to buy it!"
The only argument I can think of in defence of Devilman - and Nagai's shit in general - is that it's so obviously insane and incoherent, that trying to judge it based on things making sense is wrong in the first place, and you just have to accept the raw narrative and emotional momentum in a world that's fundamentally more cartoony. But, I just... don't? Not if the story wants me to buy into themes of War Is Bad (I still have no idea how it portrays that, because the war against Satan only really gets committed to once every human is dead anyway, and at that point, why is it bad? Because Satan thinks the demons and devilmen can live in harmony? The demons sure fucking don't!) and Humanity Bad, then shit needs to make sense and be worth taking seriously in any way to elevate it from raw Cruelty/Sadnessporn, or torture porn, or in other cases, just regular porn. And fundamentally - Devilman doesn't.
And for the record, I don't think any of the affecting or moving parts had to do with the central Ryo/Akira stuff. I don't care about it. Especially not in Crybaby where Ryo is so obviously sinister and unlikable from the beginning that I just don't believe it, at least in the manga his demeanour and occasional pang of gay longing meant that I could believe there was a relationship there even if I found it basically badly written, especially the entire premise of Satan Pretends To Be Human And Eliminates His Memory To Learn About The Humans, and only the Retro Manga Revered Status would possibly make people overlook how dumb the shit like this is - which also makes figuring out what was actually going on in Ryo and Akira's relationship not deep and complex, but confusing and ultimately uninteresting, especially when the manga has Satan confirm his feelings by going "You know that I'm a hermaphrodite" like he's showing off instead of being emotional about it. What? What? Legitimately, it's executed so badly that the manga made me feel nothing with the ending.
Devilman plays at the idea of being deep, and then fails to be deep. Crybaby in particular wants you to forget that the basic story underneath Devilman doesn't really make sense by doing things like "Here's two minutes of a man being unable to shoot his son that's eating his wife and he's crying and we play the sad music again", which is affecting to anyone who has a heart, but ultimately feels like cheap shallow exploitation when the themes themselves and story are just kind of... stupid, but masked with flashy and cool art direction, so you think surely there has to be something deep going on, because otherwise what's the point of it all?
If you're someone who ever watches manga or anime and cringes at the ecchi elements, the fanservice, the Minetas, etc - it's Go Nagai's fault. He started it with Harenchi Gakuen! It wouldn't have caught on if there wasn't an existing enormous market for it, but the manga lineage for it traces back to him. Sure, we got good stuff as a result of his influence, but overall...?
Someone like, say, Akira Toriyama, might also have a sordid past by Western standards and a history of making his shit up as he goes, but to be honest, it pales in comparison to just the casual "This demon is literally going to eat the love interest's pussy and that's why he's got his long tongue out right now" shit that splatters through all of Go Nagai's work. Like I've gone on a lot about some of the more shocking parts, and the worst part is there's so much that I've left out because we would be here all fucking day.

This is probably going to be all over the place, but thank you if you can get through that.
As I understand now I grew up very naive and a lot of people took a lot of advantage from me. And for today I seem to be a total failure at every aspect of my life.
I suppose I was a but autistic as a kid (though I never had a proper diagnosis), so I never fully understood my classmates or people in general. But I was really good at almost every discipline at school (I have all A certificate and I was one of the best graduates of my school).
Though my father very often found a reason that I should be punished. Corporally. He often left me all black and blue, but under the clothes, because his parents and my mother (and he himself) were very respected people in education and medical system of my town. This is also was one of the reason that I couldn't behave improperly anywhere, because a lot of people knew who my parents were and could tell them if I did anywhere anything wrong. I was also teased at school, because I was studying for almost all As (as it was kinda easy for me), but were not very social. I didn't get the jokes very often and was very cumbersome and naive and easy to make laugh at. But I couldn't make a fight to defend myself, because they instantly took me to principal, besause I was a child of a teacher. And it meant more abusing or beating at home.
Together with corporal punishment he verbally and mentally abused me very often asking me questions that I had to answer like "how should I punish you for this" and it always should've been beating me and any other option would lead to a question "do you think this would be enough for that misbehavior?" and the right answer should be "no, it's not enough", but of course I didn't want to say that. But I couldn't leave until he gets the right answer and I'd get beaten up by his belt. And we could spend literally half a day like that. Like I could get home from school at 2 pm and if he was at home he could do it till the late evening. And I remember that awfully heavy atmosphere at home.
When I was 10 I was sexually assaulted by a stranger in the elevator of our home, who threatened me with a knife if I make a sound or try to do anything. This man was never found. I don't think I still feel anything about that. It wasn't that scary as going back home and it stopped my father's abuse for some time. But I thought that I couldn't get away because it felt like everybody everywhere knew my somebody from family. Of course now I understand that it's wrong, but it took me long to really understand that.
But I had a lot of energy. I literally couldn't shut up during classes as I knew all the answers almost instantly and didn't understand why it is hard for the others, so it didn't help to build good relationship with my classmates either. But I couldn't defend myself.
I lost my only friend who got fed up that I decided to play video games when he came to visit me. Right now I understand that it was my dependent behavior that manifested early as a video games escapism. Now I'm thinking that it was also weird, because I clearly remember spending hours at his house watching him playing his games. So probably I could solve it. Or probably he was looking for an excuse to make some distance with me as I have progressively got very weird in my teen age, so he probably started feeling very awkward and didn't know how to speak to me as I was interested only in music and girls. And because I was not popular at all, I was fully into music. He was not at all. He was an easy fellow. Pretty simple, but a good and nice person I have to say. Against him I don't hold any grudge.
Since childhood I was passionate about music. Rock, metal - that was my thing. Pantera especially :)
But of course my parents were against me making music. Each time I started playing or practicing guitar my father came to tell me to go wash dishes or wash the floor or whatever. They've heard that IT becomes the new big thing so they sent me to the technical university. The one that it not far from home, because suddenly SUDDENLY they were sure I was not ready to live by myself in the university dormitory. I obeyed again.
Anyway I socialized better in the university. I got into a student group of really nice people with the same intellectual level with me and they were really very very kind. Sometimes I spent days not seeing my parents. My father stopped beating me till black and blue, though there still were cuffs and slaps and punches and he loved to kick my things and take my guitar or my computer from me or disable my music system for weeks, so I "would study better" or whatever.
It stopped one day when I took a chair and told him that if he didn't leave my room right know I'd hit him with that chair. He's a six feet tall former sportsman. But I'm actually became taller than him. I was 19 or 20 back than. But it didn't actually change a lot. He stopped going physical, but continued to mentally abuse me. And I think I was either stupid or too used to that kind of treatment.
I remember him explaining they had very little money back then, he was struggling with having a job and I was constantly failing them and he wanted to make a good person out of me. He said he did it, because he had to as a parent. And it was unpleasant for him, but I constantly made him do it. It started I think in the end of the kindergarten when I started secretly taking toys to home.
When I was 20 I met my future wife at a punk gig. Fun thing was that she turned out to not liking music much. At least as much as I did. Her mother is narcissistic and she shares a lot of narcissistic traits and ways of behavior herself, though she is not a full-blown narc our relations were very toxic and unfortunately they still are. Now it is obvious to me that my love for her appeared because in a sense she wast like my father to me and I wanted to recreate it subconciously. I had to go through some therapy to understand that. And now we're almost 19 years together and we have a daughter, she's 7 and I love her very much. I try to protect her as much as I can and though I found that I'm very much like my father in many aspects, I always remember about that to not let myself act without unconciously, so I've never raised my hand on her and I almost always talk if something goes wrong. I try to spend as much time as I can with her. She loves dinosaurs, all things about space and a lot of girly things that is fun to play too. I feel like I'm partially reliving my own childhood with her. But we constantly fight with my wife. Like every day. And it scares my daughter. And it kills me. And it kills me that I can't part ways with my wife, because I try to create loving environment at home for my daughter. Even my wife jokes that I am the mom in our family.
But now I have problems with work myself. Remember I went to the university? I had to quit it. My brilliant brain eventually collapsed. I started experiencing brain fog (or my brain became completely silent when I needed it) and a terrible attention disorder and I still do to this days. For years I was drinking a lot (like a lot), smoking, playing videogames, while still being highly functional. I'm not a closed person, I'm pretty open and look positive for the most part. Many people describe me as very empathetic and charismatic. I did some scientific work in my university, than I worked in IT while playing gigs with several bands in different genres and doing session work as a guitar player and arranger. Now I'm working in advertising and I was kinda successful in creative and production departments till recent times. But I always felt awful inside and it became worse. Was it my relationship with my wife, was it my childhood thing, was it any other factors, I don't know. Probably everything took its toll on me. All I know is that I don't have the same energy as before, I don't have aims or things I love. Well technically they exist, but nothing excites me anymore. Though I love spending time with my daughter and mindlessly noodling guitar or piano from time to time.
So I got a life, you know, but seems like couldn't escape anything. Like I was downward spiraling all this years just trying not to notice that.
During the pandemic years I quit drinking and smoking (boy, was it hard) and somehow lost interest in playing video games. I started doing sports and gradually started feeling better. But unfortunately I underwent vascular surgery and had to stop for half a year and absolutely lost the momentum. All I'm doing now is watching memes and youtube. I became terrible at my job, because I can't handle it anymore. The projects I was doing is at the end now, but I just can't get myself together to look for a new ones. And I have a mortgage to pay and it's a big sum every month.
My brain becomes silent more and more often so I started hating doing what I do. I can't be creative anymore. I hate myself. I hate my past. I hate what my family became. I'm afraid we can fuck up my daughter's future, because that is the relationship of constant fighting she sees every day. And the most terrible thing is that I found out recently that I'm in constant fear that from minute to minute my father will come home and beat the shit out of me. Can you imagine? Like WTF, seriously?
And what is the most terrible thing that makes me angry is that I don't hate my father. I love him and I know that for years I tried to make him like me. Funny thing that my mother said that she feels guilty for what happened, but now I feel only anger for what she said. She did nothing and often she started the thing with acting sad that I embarass her in school with my behavior, so my father got another reason to beat the shit out of me.
Right now she does nothing with my daughter (like doesn't call her or text her or whatever) and from time to time says that she feels guilt for that. Seems like that's her way of life: not doing what is needed to and saying that she feels guilt about that, than continue to do nothing. And I love her too. And when I meet my parents we all pretend like nothing has ever happened. I just don't participate in conversations mostly. Drinking helped in the past, but I'm not doing that anymore so I mostly keep silent at their home and detach myself in my thoughts unless somebody asks something. And I also hate that I was trying to speak with them when I was drunk and pretend that nothing has ever happened to. It feels awful and I feel no respect for myself for that.
Yet I don't hate anyone. I would like to fix relationship with my wife, I feel bad for my parents as they have their own history with their parents. But why should I understand and feel for everybody so they would continue their life like it's ok? That said starting a mess in the family may influence my daughter's life and I don't want that. I feel trapped.
The problem is that in a month I'll have no money for the next mortgage payment. But I have no energy to look for a new project to do and do it. And I have no time and money for psychotherapy. I did so much to continue my life for so many years. I just can't anymore. Recently I started experience health issues, especially after contacting COVID-19. So seems like a full house: no money, no job, no health, no love, no friends, no support, no energy, no brain. I'm not s****dal by any means. I just want to lay on a bed and do nothing forever. And I want to do it for years already actually, I just kept getting myself together, because of my daughter. But right now I feel I just literally can't anymore on every level: mental, physical or whatever.
There are more things that make it harder for me now, but I try to not make is so much over the place. And my wife doesn't want discuss it or help me, she says that I'm often get depressed and she's tired of that. That time I managed to talk to her openly she said: "Go to psychiatrist, they'll prescript you some drugs and you'll be fine". But what drugs? I've been through some shit, of course I feel sad and depressed and my constant inability to influence any of these things made feel even worse. Of course I can numb myself with prescriptive drugs, but what's the difference with the alcohol then? I don't think that there are drugs that help people to solve issues between each other or open their ears, make them respectful and wise enough to think about consequences of what they say or do.
This is the first time I tell the story of my life, so I'm sorry if this is too long to read. I just can't. I try to think things through and it seems now like I could've run away from home in the childhood, I could end my relations with my wife before we had a child, though I can't imagine not having my daughter. But what was I thinking before? I also understand Like who cares if you're smart and what is the point of having 140+ IQ and not being able to distinguish people who is good for you from those who is bad for you.
If was a cool flex for my parents to have a smart child. It is a cool flex for my wife to have a smart husband. But to me it is like a curse. I'm no smarter than anybody else. I don't even understand what is it. I can't even solve my own issues. But people around me tell me how smart and articulate I am and it creates nothing, but expectations that I don't want to fulfill.
What if I fill for divorce, because we can't come to an agreement on literally anything. Previously I was doing things her way, because it wasn't a big deal and I wanted her to smile. Then I found out that she thinks that I'm entitled to live the way she wants, to do things the way she wants, to pay for everything she wants and if I say I can't for example swap our car to something new and better right now, then I'm doing not enough money unlike husbands of her friends. Like WTF? Yes we talked through a lot, but there were so many things said and done, that I'm not even sure I want to continue with her. On the other hand if I divorce, we definitely won't come to agreement on our daughter and I'm afraid she'll make her think that I abandoned them both.
What if I call to my parents or meet them and ask all these questions about my childhood. I know my mom will start talking about how guilty she feels and whatever. And my father will try to avoid talking. Or even if he would say that he was young and stupid and didn't know what he was doing and he feels sorry for that, I don't think it would help me. And making him suffer won't help either.
It is just unfair living like this. Sometimes I read stories of other people and think "Okay, they've seemed to go through something worse than myself and still be able to proceed with their lives". But nothing actually works anymore. Again I'm not s****dal, but it is like willing to freeze, you know. Something like that.
I don't know if I have a question. I just can't cope with all this. I was writing this post for two days and don't even have the energy to read it through myself.
P.S. Excuse me for possible mistakes, English is a foreign language for me.

Shivoham Piano Notes Adipurush Available On Piano Daddy.

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90's Top 100 Songs Piano Notes Hindi
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jICKXKxBNX4
can even be a shorter version, ill pay if needed after a sample

Hello! I’m a future college music major and one of the first things I was told by my piano teacher (I’m not a pianist btw, just learning in prep for college) was to buy an iPad as “I’m not gonna want to carry around ten books in college”. Which I do agree with, however, I have a couple questions about the app itself:
Most important- Does the app still work without service or WiFi? The website says it has “cloud storage” but doesn’t expressly say wether nor not that means it can be used offline.
How easy is the foot pedal to use to turn the page? Does it work when you have linked a repeat into the score?
I hope to get a 12.9 iPad because what’s the point of buying an iPad to read pdfs if the display is smaller than a sheet of paper? Also planning on forgoing the cellular comparability because worst comes to worst I can use my phones hotspot. However I hope forscore can function offline. And just want to make sure this is a good investment as these are pricy! 😬

Imagine walking into a burning building, and everyone laughs and tells you the fire’s all in your head. When no one believes you, are you going to stay to burn up with them? Every passenger in that crowd waiting to embark on the luxury cruise was already dead—they just didn’t know it yet! I stared through the windows of the terminal at the magnificent Seastar, at the broken glass and spatters of blood that only I could see… and then I fled.
Without warning a single soul.
What would have been the point? My name is Cassandra—I see death six days before it happens, and can feel it if I shake a cold hand—but no matter what I do, I can never, ever prevent it.
My flight took me as far as the escalators before a flash of purple brought me screeching to a halt. Lily Tsuki? No—it wasn’t the purple-haired musician who’d given me with cruise gift card. But suddenly I remembered how I’d been looking forward to hearing her performance aboard this very vessel…
Oh God…
It was one thing to turn my back on doomed strangers. Terrible as it sounds, it’s a bit like reading about a catastrophe in the news. Quite another thing to abandon somebody I knew! Could I really leave her to become one of the bodies putrefying in the belly of the Seastar? Every time I ordered a drink at my favorite bar, I’d remember I hadn’t even tried to save her!
“Fuck!” I cried, fumbling for my phone. “Oh, fuck me sideways… how much time…?”
Ninety minutes.
Ninety minutes to get on board, find the musician, and… what? Convince her to disembark?
How?
And yet my feet were already turning toward the gangplank—because as it turns out, I would rather plunge headlong into a ship full of the rotting dead than face an empty piano bench and the guilt that no amount of alcohol would ever drown. But to have any chance at persuading Lily, I’d need to know how the passengers died. This meant that in addition to finding a purple-haired needle in a Titanic-sized haystack, a horrifying task loomed ahead of me. I was going to have to do something I had not done in a very long time—plunge directly into my vision. Walk into its very maw and face whatever gruesome horrors lurked at the source of that nauseating odor.
I was going to have to find the bodies…
… and whatever killed them.
Boarding
The stench was so overpowering after crossing the gangplank that I dropped to my knees and dry heaved. The flow of passengers moved around me past the concierge desk. I must have looked exceptionally sick, because a pretty girl in a suit skirt approached, asking if I needed assistance. She reached out a hand to help me up—cold!
I staggered away from her and inside. Then—because I felt I might throw up—quickly found my way out to the promenade deck and the blessed breeze.
Lifeboats hung overhead. Beyond the rail, the sea sparkled in the afternoon sun. Cushioned loungers lined the deck. None were in use, presumably because the pool, patio, spa, and other amenities on the upper decks had much more attractive areas for lounging. I leaned against the rail and gulped the air, listening to the waves splash against the side of the boat, noting blood spatters further down—but nothing signifying the cause of the blood. Just vague signs of violence.
After circling the entire promenade deck and spotting only the occasional bloody spatters, I gritted my teeth, pulled my shirt collar up over my nose, and plunged into the nearest door.
The Seastar’s interior had the atmosphere of a luxury hotel. People milled about the restaurant and shopping area, buzzing with excitement, talking about cabaret shows and fine dining, while perky crew members answered questions, all perfectly oblivious to the putrid sweet rotting stench. I’d most likely find Lily Tsuki at the piano lounge, but since I didn’t yet have any plausible explanation for what had happened to the passengers, I continued wandering, entering a bustling café overlooking the ship’s grand staircase. Stepping over an enormous blood stain on the carpet, I passed the counter, nauseated by the fancy pastries behind their glass cases, peering among the tables and chairs. Paused when I spotted an eyeball in a teacup. No trace of how it got there. No body with an empty socket. Just the eyeball, swirling in a congealed bloody jelly at the bottom of the cup…
I scurried away, snatching a cloth napkin to cover my nose.
The interior darkened as I ascended the central staircase. No electricity, I noted as I clutched the railing. Why would the power be cut? A storm?
But storms don’t scoop out eyeballs with a dessert spoon….
Coming onto deck 6, I peered down a long, dim corridor lined with passenger cabins. To passengers coming and going, the hall was illuminated by electric lighting—but since I was seeing the ship six days in the future, the narrow hallway vanished into blackness. With no way to enter the cabins, and nothing much to see here or in the other dimmed halls of the passenger decks, I ascended until I reached the pool.
Pool Deck
Deck 9 opened to wide panoramic windows, dining, a spa, and of course the pool. I emerged outdoors with relief, removing the napkin from my nose as the sea breeze gave some respite from the odor.
Around me, people partied in bikinis and beachwear and suits, sipping all manner of drinks around the sky-blue swimming pool. A young woman stretched on a blood-spattered lounger, oblivious to the gore beneath her tanned figure. A few bodies floated among the swimmers, bloated and discolored. My vision shimmered briefly as a teen boy swam right through one of the bodies, splashing as if it were not there. My heart lurched when I realized that it was his own, albeit dressed in different clothes—
“Oof!” I grunted as a small figure bashed into me, her arm grazing mine.
“Sorry!” cried a little girl in a pink swimsuit, bolting by as her mother yelled at her to watch out for people.
I tried not to think of how cold the little girl’s arm felt. Counted the bodies: eight in the pool. One by the towel bin, head caved in. I made a circuit of the pool, occasionally brushing against people—cold, cold, cold.
No survivors, it seemed.
But why?
That was when I spotted a shirtless old man sitting at a table under an umbrella. I froze, goosebumps prickling along my skin. Unlike the floaters, there was no obvious reason for his death. His back was to me, the bare skin of his shoulders gray and blotchy. In his hand he held a broken drinking glass. He was positioned in repose… so what killed him?
My heart quickened as I moved round to the front of him.
His mouth hung open, shards of glass and a mangled tongue lolling out, crimson trailing down his shirt front. The source of the chewed glass was obvious—the cup in his hand was broken, its jagged edges bloody.
He’d died choking on the glass.
“What the fuck is happening here?” I whispered.
Forward Stairwell
The jogging track and the sundeck—decks 10 and 11—offered a stunning bird’s eye of the pool and ocean, but I did not stop to take this in as I circled to the bow, opting to take the forward stairs down, rather than central.
The stench hit me like a cloud.
I had to stop as I descended into the dim stairwell, clinging to the railing, doubled over, gagging. It was so so bad. My eyes watered. My stomach bucked. And it was dark. Thank God for my phone’s flashlight. I fumbled it on and, napkin firmly over my nose, plunged down into the depths… The phone’s thin illumination flashed along the carpeted stairwell and the hall of the first of the passenger decks. I kept descending. Paused at an unidentifiable slick red mound. I was examining it under my light when a crewmember jogged up to me and asked, “Lose something, miss?” “Just my marbles,” I muttered, shooing the crew member away and inadvertently brushing his hand. Cold. I turned my attention back to the mound.
A slimy pile of intestines on the stairwell… trailing down to a disemboweled body.
Intestines… eyeballs… eating broken glass… nothing about this makes sense! I swiveled the beam to check further downward.
That was when I found the source of the odor.
My path down was obstructed by a mass of bodies. The ones underneath seemed to have been trampled, but the ones on top… I squeezed my watering eyes and retched against the wall. Some of the bodies bore horrible mutilations—fingers bent and twisted, joints out of alignment, faces smashed in and jaws torn open. Many more appeared to have been crushed in the press of bodies. Best guess, there was a wave of panicked people rushing upstairs from below, colliding with a wave of others fleeing down from above.
Why this staircase? What was near this part of the ship?
The cabaret lounge, I realized. No electricity. No elevators. This was the nearest stairwell to the auditorium.
Closer. I was inching closer to uncovering the fates of the passengers. And yet, I still had no idea what the passengers were fleeing from. Who were the attackers? Or… I thought of the eyeball. The glass chewed and swallowed.
An icy pinprick at the base of my skull whispered the question I didn’t want to ask…
Why? Why did some of the passengers go mad, and do it to themselves?
Piano Bar
I took the long way round to the cabaret theatre, going all the way back up the stairs and coming down on the central staircase, only to detour on hearing the notes of a piano. I found myself in a cozy lounge and spotted a purple-haired figure at the keys. And just in time—the ship was due to depart in less than half an hour!
“Lily!” I rushed over.
The musician’s face lit. “Oh it’s you, friend! You made it!”
“You’ve got to get off the ship!”
“Off the—”
“I know it seems crazy but you’ve got to! Everyone on board is going to die—I’ve seen it because I’m psycho!” I heard it a second later and smacked my forehead. “I mean—psychic! PSYCHIC!! I can see the future.” At her scrunched eyebrows, I burst, “Look I know how I sound, but I’ve been able to see things since I was a little girl, and I am telling you that this ship is going to go dark! The engines will cut out! People are going to flee and trample each other on that forward staircase…” Launching into a rapid-fire recounting, I was just getting to the eyeball in the teacup when she interrupted:
“You’re afraid of some sort of terrorist attack?”
“No, no! No! It’s almost like… a kind of madness, a contagion, that spreads through the ship—”
“A zombie apocalypse?”
“Not zombies…”
“Poltergeists? Possession?” She played a riff from a horror movie. “Should we call an exorcist?”
“We should leave!” I checked my phone. “Quickly!—"
“What an odd duck you are! I can’t imagine any sort of catastrophe as big as you’re saying. You know this ship has tons of safety protocols. And even if I did believe some disaster were drawing near—do you really think I could abandon crowds and crew?” She looked at me over her glasses, shimmering purple lips curving in a smile. “Listen friend, if this were the Titanic and I was the only one who could see the iceberg, I’d stay to steer us right, not run off leaving everyone to die!”
Icy fingers raked along my spine. Even if she wasn’t taking me seriously, she was right—I did have a moral obligation to save people. An obligation I’d been trying to fulfill ever since I was a little girl, until the attempt killed my brother, and even after, I kept trying for years and years…. until at last I realized that there is no way to change anything. That is why I call myself Cassandra. For the Greek prophet doomed to predict the future but never be believed. Try and prevent what I’ve foreseen? You might as well try and pluck the stars from the sky!
Every hand I’d touched was cold. Everyone on board would die.
My fists balled, fingernails digging so hard into my palms they bled. “You really have no idea what you’re asking of me…”
“Oh, I’m not telling you to stay. I’m just explaining why I have to. Besides, I’m under contract.” She winked and focused on her playing as guests entered and sat at nearby tables.
She had no idea! None whatsoever! If I thought there was even a sliver of a hope, I wouldn’t abandon people! Oh, if this happy-go-lucky musician understood the futility!!
But she will, came another, darker thought. She will know the full depth of the horror coming…
“No,” I whispered.
“Huh?” She shouted, “Wait—friend, where are you going?”
But I was not listening. The cabaret theatre—was the answer there? The reason for the crush of bodies in the forward stairwell? I rushed past the cafe with the eyeball in the teacup, through the grand doors into the cabaret hall—
—but the cabaret hall was surprisingly quiet, save for a light touch of classical music. A few passengers mingled here or there, unnoticing of the cadavers draped on chairs and tables. The stage itself was pristine, the wood smooth and polished in the fading orange light through the windows. Apparently, the origin of the panicked flight up the forward stairwell was not this grand entertainment venue—nothing here supported that theory.
Nonetheless, I gave the place a thorough search until my phone’s battery ran low, and then I returned to the grand staircase.
In one direction lay passenger cabins. In the other, the gangplank back to the port terminal and safety.
“It’s not too late to be a coward, Cass,” I said. “Run from the ship, run from the empty piano bench at the bar, find a different, cheaper hole in the wall to crawl into like—like the cockroach you are…”
Always the survivor, eh…?
Or… or, I could try just one more time. “‘Hope,’” my brother always said, “is the thing with feathers.”
And look what happened to him! flashed through my mind. My heart slammed against my ribcage. I’d just die too, unless I left in the next—how many minutes? I checked my phone, but it was dead. Like I would be if I stayed.
A horn sounded the Seastar’s departure. A distant cheer rose up from the upper decks and balconies. I felt a brief panicky impulse to run back out on deck and throw myself off the ship… but in truth, my fate had already been decided before the ship’s horn blew. I hadn’t been paying attention earlier, but I’d been rubbing and rubbing my hands, and finally realized they were cold. Probably had been since I’d boarded. I shuffled leaden feet toward the passenger cabins, guided by my phone’s light to the brass number plate for 4044—my cabin. Reached for the knob and stopped.
That smell—dread squeezed my intestines like a wet rag.
Smoke. Burnt meat.
I wrinkled my nose and opened the door.
Orange rays shone through the window, the sunset so vivid it almost gave the illusion that the room was on fire. The walls and ceiling were charred. The edges of the mattress and sheets a smoldered ruin. But the worst damage was the small sofa by the coffee table. Broken bottles scattered round. And there on the sofa—
My fingers went limp on the door handle as I stared into melted sockets of a body charred beyond recognition. A dark line encircled its wrist. The blackened remnants of a charm bracelet.
My bracelet.
While the man on the pool deck swallowed glass, I would succumb to the insanity here, dousing myself in alcohol and flame—
—immolating myself.
[Part 1]

Context: Your fiance was once your very stern, very intense boss. After many encounters, the two of you wound up getting together, even engaged! Over the last year or so, he's been seeming to grow more and more distant, so you decided to go all out for your fifth anniversary tonight. It seems like the only gift he thought to bring home was heartbreak.
Setting: The Surly Thorn
Tags:[MMM4A][Lovers to Exes][Distant Fiance Speaker][Concerned Friend Speaker][Incubus SpeakeNarrator][Heartbroken Siren Listener][Forgotten Anniversary][Enough][Heartbreak][Supernatural Twist][Break-up][Freedom][Hard Angst][CW: Break-up/Heartbreak]
Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording, please note:
Monetization: All forms of monetization are OK with me! Youtube, Patreon, etc. I would appreciate being able to listen to the recording, if possible. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you!
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[N] = The narrator, same person as [I]
[A] = Andy, your fiance
[T] = Tom, Andy’s friend and relationship counselor
[I] = The mysterious performethe narrator
***
[Scene opens in a dive bar]
[SFX: Bar ambiance/drinks clinking about and general chatter]
[N] You’re sitting in a booth, all by your lonesome, nursing a drink. Not an hour ago, you’d surprised your fiance with a feast and a gift. It is your anniversary, after all… but he took one look around, sighed, and asked for some space to go to Blue’s Bar, right across the street… You, well, you’re just glad you can hurt in private.
[SFX: Approaching footsteps]
[T] “How’s about this booth?”
[A familiar, exasperated voice sighs]
[A] “Yeah, fine… I can’t believe Blue’s is closed for the week.”
[T] “I’m telling you, the rat I saw in there was the size of a poodle. It needs doing. Now, will you please tell me why you called me at eight PM on a Thursday night?”
[SFX: Them sitting]
[You tense as your fiance and his friend, Tom, sit down in the booth right next to you. He hasn’t noticed you]
[A] “Ah, hi. Two whiskeys on the rocks, please. Thanks.”
[He sighs again]
[A] “...I fucked up… and I’m worried about how little I care that I fucked up.”
[T] “Oh?”
[N] Poor little secretary, still sitting there in that nice lingerie, just wanting to catch his eye again like you did so many years ago… Oh, well you know what they say about men! Fickle as the letter ‘F’!
[Pause…]
[A] “I came home and Minx had this massive feast prepared, a big old gift in arm, and wearing this illegally sexy lingerie… It’s our anniversary tonight.”
[T] “Whoa… What on Earth are you doing at a dive bar then?”
[You hear him sigh]
[A] “...I don’t know…”
[Pause…]
[T] “...Andy, if you’ve fallen out of love-”.
[SFX: A single, strained heartbeat]
[A] “I do love them!… And God knows they love me… They had a whole spread set up, a big old gift… They went all out and I just completely forgot. How I reacted to remembering just… I don’t even know how to gauge it. How to feel…”
[Pause…]
[T] “I guess… try and describe it?”
[A] “...Exasperation. Like, I was horrified, but then I just let out a sigh on the inside and went, ‘Great. Another chance for me to be an asshole to a person who has done nothing wrong’... Deep down, I wonder if the passionate part of our relationship is still there… Or we’re both just wasting our time waiting for a spark that just isn’t lit anymore…”
[Pause…]
[While your heart is breaking, an old piano is being tuned on the nearby stage]
[SFX: An old piano being tuned]
[T] “...Look, I’m not a relationship counselor-”.
[A] “What? Yes, you literally are.”
[T, with a sigh] “Yes but conflict of interest here. Morals. Ethics. My job?”
[A] “Can you give me *something* to go off of?”
[Pause]
[T] “Honestly… Sometimes, it’s best to just let something, or one, go. Even if the idea of being alone is scary. You’re doing them a disservice with this kind of detachment and the relationship already started out on questionable foundations. You were their boss, Andy.”
[A, gruff] “I’m well aware.”
[SFX: Music kicking up (VA discretion)]
[N] And while your heart was breaking that night, you heard a bombastic voice call out to the crowd:
[I] “Welcome, welcome, to the 7 PM show! Tonight we’re changing up the act a little bit folks! Don’t worry, my boss is glaring daggers at me because this was in no way rehearsed - that’s how you know it’s going to be good!”
[SFX: Laughtesome applause]
[Pause]
[I] “How’s about a volunteer for the crowd, huh? You!”
[He points right at you]
[Pause?]
[I] “Yes, the cutie with the broken heart! You look like a singer, so come on up!”
[SFX: Applause]
[He still hasn’t even noticed that you’re there]
[...]
[SFX: The Listener stepping onto the stage]
[The man extends a hand to you and takes your own, bowing to the crowd as the music winds up]
[I] “Welcome, welcome, my beloved audience! Let’s hit the club with a classic, shall we? C’mon, sweetheart, keep up with me!”
[He leads you in an energetic dance. You expect to fall but it all seems so natural, even as he begins to snap his fingers and sing]
[Note: How VA handles the song is up to them]
[N] Up there on the stage, you’re wild. Everything that he tried to pry out of you before you were ready… Show it to him, in front of all these other men.
[...]
[SFX: The crowd clapping rhythm]
[N] Hit ‘em with everything you have! You got your fucking heart broken on your anniversary, so why not break every heart within earshot?!
[SFX: The club falling silent for a brief moment]
[You’r dancing. The mic is in your hand now, and you don’t remember when you got it]
[...]
[N] You’re surrounded by fire in the ninth circle of Hell, a frozen lake, the devil himself watching you dance and sing. Set it all on fire!
[...]
[You suck in as much air as you can manage, step forward and sing like you haven’t since you were little]
[Pause!]
[N] The moment you sing that first note, the entire club falls silent, eyes on you. You feel it - the power that the man singing with you mentioned.
[Pause]
[SFX: Fill in with music, if desired. VA can use full discretion]
[You sing, fully in command of your voice. Of the men watching you. Of the entire room. You finally glance toward your fiance]
[N] For the first time in years, you see that passion ignite in his eyes. He’s noticed you, at long last. He’s startled to see you, at first… Oh, and look at the guilt in his eyes turning to relief. Like everything else, you think you’re here to solve the problem for him… To put in all the effort. The expensive whiskey spills across his engagement ring as his hands shake in anticipation… What could he be anticipating?
[SFX: The cheering/applause distorting]
[Pause]
[N] He looks so hungry… and smug. It seems like he thinks he owns you. Your beauty. This wild, untamed spirit…
[Pause?]
[N] …You noticed that I changed how I am speaking… From past to present tense. Huh… I sensed something in you but I didn’t realize you were so powerful…
[Pause…]
[The man dancing with you, singing with you, flashes a fanged smile]
[N] Why are you even with him…?
[Pause]
[N] Ooh, he was your boss… You two fell in love, got together, yadda yadda. Hehe… Untrained doms never know what treasures they’re sleeping on. Mmh, but look at him salivating over you… Finally remembering his place. Are you going to forgive him…?
[SFX: The applause starting to focus back in]
[The strange man dips you down and the crowd applauds you both wildly]
[I] “Give it up for our brave volunteer while they help me take the stage once more!”
[SFX: Wild cheering]
[N] For a gentlemen’s club… it seems rather lacking in gentlemen. No, these men are transfixed in awe though a ravenous hunger lingers in their eyes. Why, if you didn’t know better, you’d say everyone in the club was giving you that same look.
[Pause]
[You meet his gaze and tug off your engagement ring. He blinks, taken aback as you walk toward him]
[SFX: The Listener hopping down and walking to their fiance’s table]
[A] “...Baby… You were incredible…”
[SFX: The ring plopping onto the table]
[You drop the ring on the table as he looks on in stunned silence]
[T] “Oh shit…”
[I] “A toast! To freedom!”
[SFX: The club, mostly, cheering and toasting]
[A] “Your ring…? Baby, why…?!”
[Pause]
[His eyes widen as you repeat his words back to him, calmly and coldly]
[A, breathless] “You heard what I said…”
[Pause.]
[T] “Oh no…”
[Your fiance… ex-fiance… utters one quiet, desperate:]
[A] “W-Wait-!”
[SFX: The club doors opening and slamming shut]
[N] And just like that, the most interesting person in the world walked out of his life… perhaps the Incubus will find them again for a bit more fun, hmm?
[You ignore him. The ‘incubus’, if he’s telling the truth, your fiance trying to chase after you. Hell, the entire world is just a blur at this point]
[SFX: City traffic/ambiance]
[...It’s not so bad. At least, while you’re numb, it’s not]
[To be continued]
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note: I cannot even begin to describe how difficult this piece was to write, JFC-
Second note: The script was written while listening to “Addict” by Silva Hound.
Third note: If anyone gets the reference in the title, you earn the cool dude badge from me <3

The first instrument I learned was flute and so I am very familiar with treble cleff sheet music. I am self teaching myself piano and I struggle reading base cleff since I naturally read it as treble notes. Any advice on how to read both staffs?

I want to learn drums but don’t have access/money for lessons. I was just planning on teaching myself through YouTube or something. But i wanna get REALLY good. Can I get really good that way or should I invest in lessons at some point? I also need to buy drums first but feel silly since I don’t know anything. is anyone self taught and gotten pretty good?
Edit: to preface I am self taught with guitar and piano. I never learned music theory or how to read sheet music, but I’ve definitely got rhythm! And ik what sounds good. I’m definitely more skilled in piano, and improving guitar, drums just seems so out of the ballpark of what I know. So im not beginner beginner with music, just drums.

Hello everyone! I am looking for the piano music sheet for Chaos Space Marine and I am having a hard time finding the full version. Would you know where I could find it? Thanks a lot :)