Cypress bay walk out

Gary The Cat

2018.12.15 02:44 vpdots Gary The Cat

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2008.06.19 08:23 Houston, TX


2011.01.31 02:21 CarlinT /r/Houston Socials!

Houston (/ˈhjuːstən/) is the fourth-largest city in the United States of America, and the largest city in the state of Texas. According to the 2010 U.S. Census, the city had a population of 2.1 million people within an area of 656.3 square miles (1,700 km2). Houston is the seat of Harris County and the economic center of Houston–Sugar Land–Baytown, which is the fifth-largest metropolitan area in the United States, with 6.08 million people as of July 1st, 2011.

2023.05.28 16:03 snug666 Rough day yesterday, good end.

Ohhhhhh mmyyyyyy goddddd.
Gonna potentially be a long one. Just need to share this so not only you guys can remember not to give in, but so I can too.
So my friend, her two brothers, and their girlfriends have tickets to this 3 day music festival this weekend. It started Friday and I’ve been up here just hanging out in the hotel with them, and driving (huge exposure for me, i HATE driving with other people) them to and from the venue.
Friday was fine. Good day. Then yesterday, we woke up and my friend felt sick (it’s the two of us in one hotel room). Of course I start to get nervous and she goes to take a shower. She’s in there for like 45 minutes and I stood outside the door the entire time, shaking and listening to see if she threw up. I didn’t hear anything, but I decided to take a walk just to calm down a bit. As I’m waiting for the elevator, her brother gets out holding a bottle of pepto and hands it to me. Great, she texted her brother to go to cvs for her. It must be really bad.
This is when I start freaking out a bit. I go back to the room and pack up all my things and leave the pepto on the bed for her (she was still in the bathroom). I decide to walk around the shopping plaza for a bit and see if I can calm down, because I really didn’t want to have to leave and give into my fear. She calls me and asks where I am and I tell her I’m anxious and had to leave, and she assures me she didn’t throw up and was just hungover. I reluctantly agree to come back to the room.
As I’m waiting for the elevator, a woman and her ~16~ year old son come and get in with me. I’m on my phone and I hear him start to groan. Out of the corner of my eye i realize he’s leaning against the wall grabbing his stomach. His mom is like “I know, just two minutes then you can shower and get in bed”. Mind you it’s like 11:30 am. Then I see she’s holding a cvs bag. THEN he’s like “I hate being sick”. THEN i notice he’s holding a plastic bag FULL OF FUCKING PUKE. AND IM IN THE ELEVATOR WITH THEM.
They get off on their floor and I am like nope, time to go the fuck home so I send the elevator back down and tell my friend. I got to my car and started having a panic attack and she came and found me and held me while i shook and cried. She’s never seen me cry before, much less have a panic attack. She convinces me once again just to come back up to the room and I agree. I washed my hands for three minutes straight. We got in bed and she held me while I cried and carried on like a little bitch.
After I stopped panicking we hung out for a bit and i felt better. I drive them all to the venue and head back to the room and eat a fuck ton of popcorn. That’s where I fucked up AGAIN. Took a nap and woke up to the most horrendous stomach cramps and nausea. Panic. Hot flashes. Accepting my fate. Pacing. I took a shit and felt a bit better but was still cramping a lot.
Took a few hours, then I had to go pick them up. The biggest part of my fear is both throwing up in front of people, and not having anywhere to throw up (being trapped). Both of those were in play there.
I took a Xanax and it literally did nothing. I was shaking and crying the whole way there, trying to come up with an excuse to get them to just take an Uber back to the hotel. I couldn’t. I just said fuck it, parked and waited for them to find me. If i fucking throw up i throw up. Of course, since it’s a music festival, people are puking on the side walks and in the grass. And, of course, that’s a sign to me that I’M gonna get sick. I think at one point I astral projected or some shit because i fr was not in my body.
They get in the car and I decide to reach into my little DBT toolbox and use “act as if” and just pretend nothing is wrong. If i act like I’m not nauseous, I’m not nauseous. Right?
It’s like a 3 minute drive back to the hotel, which i can handle. Then they’re like “yoooo let’s go to ihop”. Are you fucking kidding me.
We go to ihop and I’m freaking the fuck out but acting as if I’m not. Things started to turn around and i was even able to eat something. Then we blasted music the whole way back, windows down, had a great time.
Took some shots, hung out, had a great talk, etc.
If I had left when I originally wanted to I would’ve been so disappointed with myself. Am I terrified I’m gonna get sick from the kid in the elevator? Yeah, absolutely. but am I taking alll of this as an absolute recovery win? HELL YES.
I just really need to remember this. I don’t have to rely on safety behaviors like leaving or isolating myself or getting somewhere “safe” or just missing out on life when things go wrong.
I want to keep living. You should too.
submitted by snug666 to emetophobiarecovery [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 16:02 Radiant-Pianist2904 I saw my boyfriend die

So the story goes like this, me and my boyfriend go out to drive under moonlight. We stop at on at a side of road. he turn to me his girl and say: "baby, i love you very much" "what is it honey?" "our car is broken down. i think the engine is broken, ill walk and get some more fuel." "ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news report of steres being stolen." "good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty"
so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours me the girl say "where is my baby, he was supposed to be back by now". then the girl here a scratching sound and a voice say "LET ME IN"
I dont do it and then after a while i go to sleep. the next morning i wake up and finds my boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and man door hand hook car door.
submitted by Radiant-Pianist2904 to confessions [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 16:02 Electrical-Fox2669 Parents try to Call the police when I ask them to leave.

Sorry if the format looks weird Im on the mobile version. I(16f) never delt with entitled parents so this is all new for me.
For some background my Dad bought a small house(2 bed one bath) near a beach from my grand aunt and the house has always been in our family. It's on a small patch of land with some yard to the sides of it with an old metal shed with some glass windows towards the back. Everyone in our family uses it and we rent it out when no ones there.
We went down this weekend because it was going to be fun and we needed to get ready for renters. It's close to a community park/pool so it's always a little loud and sometimes busy. Behind us is another small house with barley any yard. My parents went out to get some hardware when I stayed home to work on some school work. They can take a long while because traffic is absolutely terrible most of the time. Kids tend to play on our lawn but Don't get really loud so we dont mind . I heard a loud bang on something metal but I didn't see anything from the window so I went back to work. Again I heard it around 5 to 7 mins later. I went outside this time because I didn't know what it was. Apparently there were 2 boys(10-12 years old) playing kickball in our yard. They seemed suprised when I stepped outside the house. I asked them what they were playing and they said kickball. I asked if they could try avoid hitting the shed and the house. They agreed and went back to the house behind ours when I left. 15 mins go by I hear it again but I assumed it was a mistake because kids can't really control their kicks sometimes. I hear it again 4 times in the next 10 minutes. I went back outside and found the kids on my family's land again but with the parents. The boys didn't change and were still kicking at the house/shed. When they saw me they stopped playing. I asked the parents and the kids this time to help the kids avoid hitting the house. They seemed to be annoyed by me and told me they are watching them and that I should mind my own business in a pretty snarky way. I was pretty suprised because an adult never talked to me like that . I said said I wouldn't mind if they would just stop hitting the house and shed. They said I was being an ungrateful kid on vacation. I responded saying that the yard they were on was owned by my family and so is the house they are hitting so I Don'twant it to get damaged. They couldn't care less and pretty much said well they're kids and they Don't know better. I suggested they could play in the park(5 to 10 min walk away) so they wouldn't hit anything and would have more room to play. They seemed offended and said they weren't paying for that stuff and I was putting their kids in danger. I said I it was open to the public free of charge and it was right next to a police station. They seemed to ignore that and said if I dont get away from them and their children they would call the police for harrassment and putting kids at risk. I'm annoyed at this point and I reminded them that their own my dad's property and that they could've damaged the property. They seemed angry that I said that and went quite for a bit. The kids seemed somewhat embarrassed and the oldest seemed mortified and asked if they could just go to the park. The mom said Your right (kid name) we shouldn't waste anymore time on this ungrateful brat. They left promptly with the Husband and the younger kid in toe. I was shocked and stood there for a bit and soon went back inside. Definitely a new experience and one I Don't want again but will probably encounter again in life.
submitted by Electrical-Fox2669 to entitledparents [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 16:01 Unfiltered-Zombie Father's Paranoia Getting Worse

Father's Paranoia Getting Worse.
Hello. So, my father has been having a paranoid meltdown for the past week and a half and it's escalating to the point where I'm becoming scared to live under the same roof as him.
It all started when he lost his bank card. We searched everywhere but couldn't find it. Fast forward a day later and he believes that the neighbors have a spare key to our apartment and waltzed in and stole it. Our neighbors were shady and they were drug dealers, but there was nothing indicating that they ever came in here, because our door has a deadbolt lock and I doubt they had a key for it.
This spiraled into him thinking he's being gang stalked due to him "seeing people" he knew from online message boards (like Reddit and Quora) driving near his work. He has changed our wifi, he has added an alarm system, Door Bar, and a makeshift chain to our door to get evidence of someone breaking in. It's almost like he WANTS to have evidence of someone just walking on in here.
Our neighbors actually got evicted and thrown out a few days ago and this SHOULD have put him in a better state of mind, but he just found new excuses to say that we are still in danger. Saying: "It's now too empty and too quiet" as if anyone knows we even live here. I'd add a picture of the door to this post but sadly, I cannot.
My father is also a substance abuser. He's addicted to a drug called Kratom and ingests copious amounts of caffeine. So that doesn't help. I wrote him a note about him needing to get therapy two days ago and he read it at work. Sadly, a drunk hit our car before my mother came to pick him up (the damage was negligible btw) and this just spiraled him further.
He's going to keep adding more and more security meanwhile there's nothing there. He's refusing us to leave the house unless there's someone here to guard the place. It's gotten so bad to the point where he refused to order a new bank card and he's refusing us to buy food. We have been living by eating the bare minimum and this is starting to terrify me.
What do I do? Any advice would be appreciated and I hope the gods put this post somewhere someone can see this. If you need proof about the door, I can send it in DMs and any resources that anyone can provide would help. Thanks.
submitted by Unfiltered-Zombie to mentalhealth [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 16:01 Perspiring_Gamer New Release Thread (May 29th to June 4th)

New Release Thread (May 29th to June 4th)

May 29th to June 4th
Chicory: A Colorful Tale - May 30th
Chicory: A Colorful Tale is a top-down adventure game from indie developer Greg Lobanov, published by Finji. It first released in 2021 on Switch, PC and Playstation, and now arrives on Xbox as a Game Pass addition. Set in a colouring book world, the player takes the role of an anthropomorphic dog who wields a large paint brush. Gameplay centres around solving environmental puzzles and manipulating the world through this mechanic, with various abilities unlocked as you progress.
Xbox Store [Game Pass] - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Company of Heroes 3: Console Edition - May 30th
The third instalment in Relic Entertainment and SEGA's WW2 real-time strategy series arrives on consoles, with a custom UI and other optimisations implemented for controller input. Company of Heroes 3: Console Edition focuses on the battles of Italy and North Africa, offering a range of maps from mountains and costal locations to deserts. The game also introduces other features to the series, such as 'Full Tactical Pause,' which gives players full control over the pacing of the single player experience.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Farworld Pioneers - May 30th
Farworld Pioneers is an open-world sci-fi sandbox title from Igloosoft. Droping day one on Game Pass, the game tasks the player with building and managing colonies on alien planets. Tasks include recruiting, exploring, crafting, looting and building your own ship. You'll also defend your base from raiders and attack enemy and rival faction bases if you choose. The game can be played peacefully in co-op or with a 'dynamic faction system' where groups 'band together and split apart dynamically.'
Xbox Store [Game Pass] - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Shame Legacy - May 30th
Shame Legacy is a first-person survival horror title developed by Fairyship Games and Revenant Games. Made in Unreal Engine 4, the game takes place in a 19th century village. The protagonist, who suffers from amnesia, must explore the village looking for clues about what's going on while dealing with the village's residents who appear to be hunting you. Gameplay seems to centre around stealth, escape and puzzle mechanics, armed only with a cane as a defensive weapon. Shame Legacy is XS optimised.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Aquarist - May 31st
Aquarist is an aquarium building simulator developed by FreeMind Games. The player is tasked with building up their business until it's a thriving large-scale aquarium. Tasks include caring for the fish and ecology, acquiring larger and more exotic species, designing, and managing staff and customers.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Railbound - May 31st
Railbound is a puzzle game from developer Afterburn. From a top-down perspective, players are tasked with placing and removing track pieces, and rerouting connections to guide detached carriages to their locomotive. It features 200+ puzzles, with a relaxing vibe and colourful comic-book visuals.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
The Tartarus Key - May 31st
The Tartarus Key is a first-person horror adventure game developed by Vertical Reach. The protagonist takes the role of Alex Young and her friends as she attempt to escape a mysterious mansion. It features escape room style puzzles and challenges, multiple endings and retro style graphics.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Undead Horde 2: Necropolis - May 31st
Undead Horde 2: Necropolis is a $16.99 action title from 10tons. This isometric necromancer game tasks the player with raising the remains of your enemies, commanding an undead army and rebuilding the city of Necropolis. The developers state it mixes elements from RPG, strategy and hack n' slash' experiences, with exploration, levelling up, unit and city unlocks and upgrades, as well as fairly unique looking real-time combat. It released on PC in late March, where it has favourable Steam reviews.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Away: The Survival Series - June 1st
Away: The Survival Series is a 'story-based adventure' from Breaking Walls. The player takes the role of a sugar glider, exploring natural environments and fighting predators in what the developers describe as 'your very own nature documentary.' It first released in 2021 elsewhere, to mixed Steam reviews.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Diablo IV - June 1st/2nd (Early Access via Deluxe + Ultimate Editions)
Ahead of its official June 6th release, early access for Diablo IV starts on the 1st/2nd depending on your location via the Deluxe and Ultimate Editions. Alongside stapes such as procedurally generated dungeons and loot centric character building, the fourth instalment of Blizzard's iconic isometric action RPG introduces some new features. It integrates PvP encounters, as well as bringing a fully open world environment. It supports both solo and party play, with a 50 hour campaign.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Homebody - June 1st
Homebody is a $19.99 survival horror puzzle title developed by Game Grumps and published by Rogue Games. The player takes control of Emily, who has gathered at a remote rental house with her friends to watch a meteor shower. Under the darkness of night, they're locked inside and picked off, one by one, by a mysterious killer. The game centres around puzzles and escape mechanics, with throwback PS1 inspired visuals. Emily's backstory appears to gradually unfold, as things get increasingly surreal.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Killer Frequency - June 1st
Killer Frequency is a first person horror adventure from Team17. As protagonist and radio host Forrest Nash, the aim to stop a mysterious killer who is stalking your callers. The game revolves around real-time decision making, puzzle solving and detective work. The player will explore the town, searching for clues, solving riddles, helping the callers stay safe and more. Killer Frequency features an 80s Mid-West setting, a fully voiced story and branching dialogue. It is XS optimised with smart delivery.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Slayers X: Terminal Aftermath: Vengance of the Slayer - June 1st
Slayers X is a retro first-person-shooter from indie developer Big Z Studios Inc and published by No More Robots. Dropping onto Game Pass, the title sees the player fighting to stop the Psyko Sindikate from enslaving humanity. It features an over-the-top tone, with crude humour and plenty of blood and gore. Weapons range from the 'glass blaster' and 's-blade' to the 'triple helix missile launcher,' with a variety of maps listed from 'my room,' 'the dollar$haver store' to 'the south boise July 4th fair.'
Xbox Store [Game Pass] - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Zombie Derby 2 - June 1st
Zombie Derby 2 is a zombie-based side-scrolling arcade-driving game from Brinemedia. The objective is to build up a vehicle with destructive ability, and then mow down as many zombies as possible for the highest score. The game supports 120fps, smart delivery, achievements and is XS optimised.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Minabo - A walk through life - June 2nd
Minabo - A walk through life is a $14.99 'social simulation game' created by indie developers Devilish Games. The player starts out as a sprouting turnip and is tasked with building their social circle while contending with a variety of assigned and acquired social traits that effect how you live your life.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Speed Truck Racing - June 2nd
Speed Truck Racing is a $9.99 arcade racer from Super PowerUp Games. Take on twenty rival drivers, in trucks that reach 200km. The game features a championship mode, arcade mode, four player local multiplayer and online leaderboards.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Street Fighter 6 - June 2nd
The latest entry in Capcom's juggernaut fighter series arrives, this time switching over from UE4 to their in-house proprietary RE Engine. Street Fighter 6 centres around three main modes. World Tour is a single-player RPG-like story mode using a created avatar character, while Fighting Ground offers a more traditional experience. Battle Hub lets you play matches against other players as well as further customise your avatar. It also features 18 fighters, three control types and new 'real time commentary.'
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Super Mega Baseball 4 - June 2nd (May 30th Early Access via Ballpark Edition)
Super Mega Baseball is a sports series that mixes arcade-inspired style with deep gameplay mechanics. Developers Metalhead Software say the fourth edition introduces a variety of new and fan-requested additions. These include an expanded trait system with team chemistry and shuffle draft, six new stadiums, cross-generation matchmaking 'in Pennant Race and Online Leagues,' improved visuals and animations and a roster of over 200 legends of baseball, from Vladimir Guerrero to Jason Giambi.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
We Love Katamari REROLL+ Royal Reverie - June 2nd
We Love Katamari REROLL+ Royal Reverie is a remake of the second title in the Katamari Damacy series. Developed by MonkeyCraft, this third-person puzzle-action game sees players control a Prince as he rolls an adhesive ball around each level, gradually increasing its size as it collects objects in its path. This remake includes five new challenges and collectibles, a selfie mode with stickers to collect, an eternal mode so you can play with no time limit and other quality of life improvements.
Xbox Store - Metacritic - TrueAchievements - Trailer - Official Site
Additional Releases (image limited reached:)
submitted by Perspiring_Gamer to XboxSeriesX [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 16:01 Anomalysoul04 How many of you all remember who Angela Knight was....

The recent MLD walking off the SOScast was in response to a fight between Angela Knight and MLD and how she was calling out MLD for not owning up his fat shaming comments on her profile.
It's fairly ironic as 8 months ago they had a brief interaction on F&F that she later took to TikTok to call out Destiny for being bisexual and how his opinion didn't matter. Then they had a short debate over her comments for her position as she put it "it not being personal" and her refusal to own the reality of it being personal.
Obviously we love her now for dunking so hard on MLD but 8 months she seemed extremely dense about her own hurtful comments.
submitted by Anomalysoul04 to Destiny [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 16:00 OrionExalted Slam dunk is not worth going to anymore.

There is nowhere near enough space for anyone anymore. Audio was the worst it has ever been, music cutting out on multiple bands and mics not working for backing singers. Queues were 45 minutes long at minimum. You couldn't walk in a straight line for more than a few seconds without bumping into someone. Left during less than jake around 7pm, just couldn't bear it anymore. We've been going for four years and this will most likely be the last. This was beyond fucking awful. Never again.
submitted by OrionExalted to slamdunkfestival [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 16:00 traumathrowawayacc 22 [F4M] New York - I want to experience a genuine connection with someone special!

Hi there!! I'm Jay! :)
I want to find a guy that is compatible to me and shares the same values. Hoping to find him here!
I am a 22 year old who graduated college and and am currently living in New York!
I am looking to form a bond with someone before I move, and then continue with an in person relationship!
A bit about me: - I have natural hair that I like to keep short, and I occasionally like wearing different wig styles to show my personality!
-I am on a weight loss journey! So I cherish healthy living and fitness. I am looking for someone who will motivate me to make the right decisions but at the same time also loves my body the way it is right now. I am currently 170lbs, my goal is around 130-140lbs. I've done it before, so I know I can do it again! I love walking and being active so definitely looking for a man who is the same!
-I am looking for someone who is mature and is established. Meaning, a man who works hard every day in any aspect of his life (career, family, or fitness). Someone who is level headed. But I am also looking for someone fun, kind, affectionate, and chill to hang out with!
-I am looking for a man who will prioritize spending time with me, whether it is virtually or in person. Someone who communicates and is neither pushy on me texting back within seconds, but someone who respects me enough to let me know if they're busy/to expect a longer wait time. Someone who is not shy to take random pictures of themselves and send them to me just so I know those silly little thoughts you have. Also someone who doesn't mind me taking tons of pictures too (because I do take a lot of pictures haha)
-I believe in communication! I need someone emotionally available, someone who isn't afraid to have those long, deep conversations with me. Someone who will hear me out and not judge me. A man that really listens but also has enough confidence to speak up too!
-My love languages are words of affirmations and quality time! It's my top two love languages :) Also, I want a man who intentionally plans dates/hang outs/skype sessions, and wants to genuinely have fun with me!
-I love anime! I watch so much anime, and I need a guy who is willing to watch some with me!
A bit about my careeschool...
-I am a published author! I have written 3 books, first one dating back when I was only 13! I was introduced to the publishing industry at a young age, so I went to college to study creative writing. I am currently minoring in creative writing and majoring in psychology! What I plan to do in the future is become a liscensed Expressive Writing therapist and/or create books for the youth to help their mental health!
-I used to have 3 on campus jobs when I am on campus. Library Assistant, tutor, and I work at the gym as a proctor. I am going to be starting a new job soon so I would consider myself a busy person, but I ALWAYS make sure to prioritize my relationships that are serious, and I expect my man to do the same with me.
***I consider myself to be a religious person, and this is something that value. I am Catholic and hope to meet someone who shares my faith! I'm looking for a deep connection, where we can pray together and listen to gospel music!
*** I smoke weed! So I am also looking for a man who does the same! I'm very 420 friendly!
*** I would consider myself to be asexual, which means that I want to form a relationship where sex is not a priority and isn't expected of me. Sending nudes is also something I will not participate in and is a hard boundary. However, I am an extremely romantic person and value intimacy and closeness in other ways! If you want clarification on this, I will gladly explain further over PM!
I am open to talking to anyone between the ages of 22-29 years old!
I want to say that I am a very open-minded person and welcome many different guys! Please decide for yourself if you meet these qualities and send me a message! All I ask for is commitment to having something serious and someone who is ready for that. Looking forward to finding you!
submitted by traumathrowawayacc to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:59 Suspicious-Quit-5162 [Trigger warning: child abuse, poverty] Long-winded post about how my family traumatized me throughout my childhood.

Not sure if this counts at CPTDS since the articles I read online are a bit vague.
Growing up, my sister would always pick on me, verbally and physically abusive as well. After our parents divorced she continued with the abuse and my mom & step-father would take her side and yell at me if I tried to retaliate in any way.
Once night while cutting a cake she threw a shoe and hit me square in the face. I chased her around to throw it back at her and I got yelled at by my family (we were at my grandmother's house) and they kicked me out so I had to walk 30 blocks home at night. I was the victim there and they all yelled at me after being assaulted unprovoked. Lovely.
Speaking of my grandmother, she hated me. I remember the time she wished I'd choke on my soup when I was 11 years old. She hated me until her cancer got bad (in my 20s), then she got nicer.
Similar things happened throughout my childhood. My sister always picked on me and I'd get in trouble if I fought back.
My mom liked to go out of her way to make sure we had a bad day. If we had a family outing planned, my sister would start shit and my mom would cancel the event. Day ruined.
My mom and step-father were also lazy and refused to work and since welfare didn't pay much, we were poor. One night stands out when the 5 of us went to McDonald's for supper, we could only afford a super sized fry. We all had several fries each for supper.
Then there was the time I broke my finger playing soccer at school. I had to beg my step-father to bring me to the hospital because he didn't believe it was broken. It was.
All of this was made worse by my undiagnosed and obviously untreated ADHD and ASD. I was always very withdrawn so I was an easy target for abuse.
Now that I'm 37 I don't talk with my family much anymore. My sister was completely disowned for all the abuse over the years. I'll chat with my mom on Messenger once in a while to update her on my daughter, but there really is no relationship there. I don't talk to my step-dad anymore.
Anyway, I just thought I'd get that out of my system. Thanks for taking the time to read this if you did. Take care and have a nice day.
submitted by Suspicious-Quit-5162 to CPTSD [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:59 jannickBhxld Insane lags and fps drops on ps5

I have it sometimes rarely but it happens, that in the middle of a game mostly in fast fights and lots of building, my ps5 just kinda "mini crashes" if that makes sense?
Out of nowhere i will only hear about 20% of normal sounds, i dont hear shooting, buildind walking, and my fps go from 120 to 50ish, just lost me a 17 kill game because i literally couldnt play normally
It only disappears when i restart the game. would be too easy if we could just adjust the graphics on console to stop this from happening...
Anyone else have this sometimes?
submitted by jannickBhxld to FortNiteBR [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:58 Life-Examination-469 Is my (35F) relationship with my husband (38M) normal and just chronic miscommunication? Or something else? I can't tell.

So...this might be a bit all over the place, I can't order my thoughts so well. Also might be long. Sorry! There's also so much I can't decide what to tell you and what to leave out.
I have been in a relationship with my husband for 15 years, married for 5. We have been in marriage counselling since December 2022, which was his idea. I have fibromyalgia and CFS, and I was fired from my 'normal' 9-5 job in 2018, because my body couldn't deal with it anymore. After it ended, out of necessity, I started my own business from home. I've been building it slowly since then, and while I don't take money out of it to live off, I'm at a stage where it keeps itself running plus a little cushion. I work at home and significant amount of my time is spent pushing it to grow, so I can get back to having a decent income. I have recently been given a small disability benefit so I now have a little income from that. My dad died in 2009, and my inheritance paid for the house deposit and a decent chunk of renovation, plus I paid my half of everything for 4 years before I lost my job. Husband has been solely paying bills for the last 4.
My husband has been desperate for children for a couple of years, but I'm terrified I can't look after them, especially since there are days I can't even get myself in the shower. He told me children is the only reason he got married, it wasn't important to him, which I hadn't appreciated before. He's a reasonably high earner, but with him paying for bills and everything I thought it was sensible to try and get my business in a position where I could pay someone to help me at home with children. He doesn't agree. He also keeps sitting down with me and telling me to get a job. He said most people wouldn't have supported me past a year of having no proper income. He says he hates my business and feels it's robbed him of children. He won't accept that it's very difficult to get a job with a chronic illness when you've been fired for that illness and you still have it, and he says there must be lots of jobs from home. I've been looking for an age but I can't find anything I'm qualified for, that would allow me days out with no notice when I have bad days, or that pays well enough for me to give up my business that I'm really proud of. I asked him to sit down with me and go through what work I can find, but he refused.
The therapist told us to fact check his fears and budget what we currently have. According to my calculations with what I know our joint bills and his personal ones to be, plus what I know of his income, I think he should have a decent chunk spare per month. He says he has no money, yet parcels continue to arrive for him, and he keeps paying for golf lessons and his PT. He won't allow me access to his bank account to go through it with him though. He's actually refused to do most of what the marriage counsellor has recommended and by his own admission hasn't been trying. He's gotten himself am individual therapist recently though so maybe that's the start of it?
I struggle with intimacy sometimes, as a result of being in pain a lot of the time, and some meds I'm on make me not all that interested. We had a dry spell just before we started counselling. I am a physical touch love language person though, I need touches and hugs. He's been refusing to touch me, even avoiding brushing past me in a hallways, since we started counselling. He says he thinks any touching will give me hope that this can be fixed and he doesn't want to do that. He's said that the dry spell because of my health struggles is exactly equivalent to him choosing not to touch me at all, and how dare I tell him I have issues with him withdrawing physical affection as a result. As an honest aside - through all of our relationship, he hasn't listened to most of what I've told him I like, regarding intimacy and sex. He hasn't done what I've asked of him. As a result, sex is a bit about endurance for me. We've even had times where I've told him it hurts and the response has been it's OK because he's nearly done. It doesn't make it something I want to use my energy on, when I have it. There was once a rhythm method fail very close to a conversation about how I wasn't ready for children yet, it's the only one in 15 years and bothers me.
He has complained about hugging me for quite a few years now. For example; if he works nights, he'll sit and play xbox right up until the last minute and then if I ask for a hug before he leaves, he'll complain I'm making him late and he doesn't have time. He also tells me regularly that everything is always on my timescale though, and I'm not sure this is the case? If I ask for help emptying pans in the kitchen or putting the washing out, he'll tell me to give him a sec and then I wait there until he's finished with his TV show or gaming to help, however long that takes. He spends all the free time he has at home watching TV or gaming, most housework is my responsibility but I haven't the energy most of the time so it doesn't get done. Last time I asked him to hoover for me he asked me why angrily, although he did do some.
What do you call it when someone responds to you in a hard tone that's quite spiky? I don't like it and it makes my anxiety worse when he does it, but pretty much all conversations use it now. He mostly doesn't ask me how I am or what I've been doing or anything about my life - maybe 2 or 3 days a month he'll ask me how I am. He says he doesn't want to, he's not usually all that interested and honestly, that's how he treats most family and friends. Pretty much all our conversations are about things that he's doing or cares about. He's never told me he's proud of me or that I'm beautiful or he likes how I look, unless in response to me asking if I look OK. He tells me then I look nice or fine. I don't need compliments much but on our wedding day would have been nice.
I'm confused a lot of the time. What if I've made this all worse in my head and imagined bits of it without meaning to or knowing? I struggle to make basic decisions without asking him, because I worry about being criticised. The other day I had to ask what vegetables to add to dinner. It's like there are two different people in him and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I run through the pros and cons of everything I want to say before I say it, so I can try and work out if it'll get a spiky response or not. I don't always get it right.
Whenever I have raised something I don't like in our relationship he's 9 times out of 10 refused to address it and countered with the things he hates that I do. The worst one of those conversations I remember ended in me crying, and him telling me I should probably go and talk to the doctor about antidepressants - so I did.
The only thing I've really done is taken him to get our cat when I knew he didn't want one. I need animals in my life, I'm really sensitive (I think HSP) and they calm me, but his family are fairly ambivalent about pets. I've apologised a few times for how I went about it and he adores her now, but he still keeps bringing it up as one of the things I've done that upsets him and how he doesn't like cats. He'll always bring up old hurts, and I've asked him what he hopes to achieve from it but he can't answer me.
Finally, he's responsible for the 3 most painful things anyone has ever said to me. The worst was the day after my Nan's funeral. At her house, the last time I'd ever be there, I asked him if he was OK (she loved him and I thought he might be sad) and he said did I think we might nearly be done because he was bored. It was so painful I couldn't breathe.
Is this me misunderstanding our communication? How do you know if you're imagining things? What if there is never anyone else for me? What if I eventually leave and regret it? I can't work out what's going on and I'm so anxious about it. Apologies for the length, thank you if you made it this far.
submitted by Life-Examination-469 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:57 one_but_ninja 112 Days! But..

Salutations, fellow sobernauts,
This is my first post here, but it's undoubtedly one of my most important ones. As I type these words, I'm 112 days sober. I'd usually applaud myself at this point, but today, I can't help but acknowledge something far more profound - I feel better than I ever have before. The clarity in my thoughts, the energy in my body, and the tranquility in my soul is something I had never thought possible while under the influence. Today, I cherish the sobriety I have achieved.
That being said, I find myself on the precipice of two rather significant life events: my bachelor party and my wedding. Both these events traditionally brim with copious amounts of alcohol. As much as I've grown during these past months, I cannot deny that there's a twinge of apprehension creeping into my heart.
I am not naïve enough to believe that these occasions won't be challenging. However, I trust in my determination to stay on this path I've chosen, where I am not only physically healthier, but emotionally and spiritually more connected to the world around me. That's a feeling no glass of champagne could ever replicate.
But I am also humble enough to understand that support, advice, and wisdom are crucial in this journey. So, I'm reaching out to this incredible community. To those who have walked this path before me or are walking alongside me, how did you navigate these socially 'alcohol-centric' events, especially when they held personal significance? How did you reconcile your sobriety with societal expectations?
112 days may not be a lifetime, but it's a solid start, and it's one I'm fiercely proud of. As I move forward to my bachelor party and wedding day, I am eager to carry this streak with me. I’m ready for a sober summer, and a lifetime of clarity.
Remember, we aren't just surviving without alcohol, we're thriving. Here's to making the sober choice, no matter what.
submitted by one_but_ninja to stopdrinking [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:57 fairyprincesself I find my friends are kinda boring and idk what to do

FIRST OF ALL I love my friends really much and I am so grateful to have them but nevertheless it doesn't mean that I can't oppose about our friendship since no friend group is perfect!
Since we grew older I realized that my friends were not as open minded to new things as I am.They like to stick with the old and they do not like doing stuff that normally teenagers would to like going to the club, a party or meeting new people.But not only this they really dont like to try new things AT ALL like when we meet we normally just go for a walk or stuck in somebodies room.I think its totally fine since you do not have to drink or do crazy stuff but im just saying that you need to try it for at least one to know if you like something.My friends are also much more socially introverted than I am .Even tough I find it hard to socialize thanks to my anxiety it never hurt me and it actually helped me to fight my anxiety !But because of this I never really had the opportunity to really go out and try new things because it sucks doing it by your own.I really like my friends and I do like to chill with them but there are so many things I would like to do like karaoke, go on a roadtrip or go to an epic party.So what should I do? Am I a bad friend for saying stuff like that because I really hope I dont :(
submitted by fairyprincesself to friendship [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:56 Unfiltered-Zombie Father's Paranoia Getting Worse.

Hello. So, my father has been having a paranoid meltdown for the past week and a half and it's escalating to the point where I'm becoming scared to live under the same roof as him.
It all started when he lost his bank card. We searched everywhere but couldn't find it. Fast forward a day later and he believes that the neighbors have a spare key to our apartment and waltzed in and stole it. Our neighbors were shady and they were drug dealers, but there was nothing indicating that they ever came in here, because our door has a deadbolt lock and I doubt they had a key for it.
This spiraled into him thinking he's being gang stalked due to him "seeing people" he knew from online message boards (like Reddit and Quora) driving near his work. He has changed our wifi, he has added an alarm system, Door Bar, and a makeshift chain to our door to get evidence of someone breaking in. It's almost like he WANTS to have evidence of someone just walking on in here.
Our neighbors actually got evicted and thrown out a few days ago and this SHOULD have put him in a better state of mind, but he just found new excuses to say that we are still in danger. Saying: "It's now too empty and too quiet" as if anyone knows we even live here. I'd add a picture of the door to this post but sadly, I cannot.
My father is also a substance abuser. He's addicted to a drug called Kratom and ingests copious amounts of caffeine. So that doesn't help. I wrote him a note about him needing to get therapy two days ago and he read it at work. Sadly, a drunk hit our car before my mother came to pick him up (the damage was negligible btw) and this just spiraled him further.
He's going to keep adding more and more security meanwhile there's nothing there. He's refusing us to leave the house unless there's someone here to guard the place. It's gotten so bad to the point where he refused to order a new bank card and he's refusing us to buy food. We have been living by eating the bare minimum and this is starting to terrify me.
What do I do? Any advice would be appreciated and I hope the gods put this post somewhere someone can see this. If you need proof about the door, I can send it in DMs and any resources that anyone can provide would help. Thanks.
submitted by Unfiltered-Zombie to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:56 MentallyBlonde I am so annoyed with my bf but it’s not worth bringing up

So last night me and my bf attended his childhood friend’s gender reveal. My bf best friend rode with us since the event was 1hr away and we all live within 20-30min from eachother. I drove (civic) to my bf house and parked, and then we took his car (SUV) to get his friend and go to the venue. I needed up driving to the venue because my bf wasn’t ready to leave when we needed to so I took his car and picked up his friend solo to save time.
Anyway, none of us were familiar with the area the event was in. My grandmother and best friend both live relatively close to the event, but personally it didn’t help since the event was in a strangers (to us) house. For days and hours beforehand I kept asking my bf to find out information about the party. The invite said 3, but my bf kept pushing back the time until we arrived at 7, still appearing before his friend. So to sum that up my bf clearly slacked in the info department. But I’ve noticed that is a commonality amongst guys (at least according to other f writer on Reddit), so even thought it annoys me it not even what sent me other the roof.
We understood that my bf friend and the mother of his unborn child are not in any form of relationship. It was one of those “accidental” one night stand situations. So the event was hosted by the girls family while he was just instructed to invite some people close to him. With that being said him and my bf have always been close, basically family. Leading up to yesterday I’d been asking about who else I might know at the event, but my bf always just told me his bff only.
Well 10min into the event we are all chilling and drinking until two girls enter. Now I know I’ll sound crazy but one of them looked like a spitting image of me. They approached our area and greeted everyone except me and my bf. Assuming it’s because they didn’t know him & thus me there was not reason to take offense. The one who looked like me kept looking over at us, so I gave a few smiles to make way for approach. But then the group shifted outside to allow the smokers a chance to smoke. Absent of the girls my bf pulls me aside & tells me that the girl who looks like me is his ex (let’s call her M).
M and my bf dated before my partners previous relationship, meaning there is a whole relationship between us. However when his second relationship ended him and M rekindled up until about 2mo before we met. I learned about her towards the end of our first year dating (we been dating for 3 going on 4) after finding sex tapes they’ve made in his phone.
Immediately I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for smiling in her face when she didn’t smile back. I was embarrassed that whenever me & my bf came near she would turn away and start laughing with her friend.
Finally we left. The 3 of us sat in the car a while before leaving trying to pinpoint a bar with good food. I noticed that less than 5min after we left, the girls left. My bf kept telling me it was a coincidence, while remaining admit that he didn’t even know his friend knew those girls.
We settled for a Mexican bar. I was talking otp to my dad outside when my bf & his bff went inside to find us a spot. By time I got inside they’d already downed two mixed drinks & a round of shots. I understood from that I was the designated driver.
We left around 1am. I dropped my bf friend off first before returning to my boys place to switch into my car. He seemed to be wide awake and sobering up as we FaceTimed my whole drive home.
I live in an apartment complex with street parking. Since it was so late I had to park a few blocks away. I gave my bf a heads up when I was getting out the car since on nights like these I stress the importance of talking to him for the illusion of safety. Well he must’ve responded “okay” before throwing his phone away bc half a block into my walk two hammered guys cross the street over to me. In hindsight it was also clear that I wasn’t in top shape either but I stumbled to keeps things together.
I had a AirPod in and kept calling out to my bf but couldn’t get a response. The two guys blocked my way to where I had to walk through them to pass. I was in the clear after for about half a block when I dropped my keys accidentally & stumbled to pick them up. That’s when the two guys begin following me, this continued for a few blocks. One was singing something intended to be romantic, while the other kept offering to help me end my night, detailing my beauty, and made soft animal noises at me.
I ended up walking past my house towards a nearby local bar to create the illusion that someone may be waiting for me. I had hung up on my bf and continued to call him repeatedly receiving voicemail each time. I started to fear he fell asleep so when I reached a more trafficked area, I pulled against a wall to check behind me. The guys had turned up the corner at the start of the block, but I waited for a while in place before back trailing. I didn’t want them to be taking a seat nearby and run into them on my way back home.
I sent a bf a few frantic text just to update him. Maybe bc I was intoxicated but I felt so scared. Mentally preparing myself for the worse case scenario I felt almost disconnected from reality. I managed to make my way back home SAFELY, and right as I enter my building my bf calls me. He tells me in an upbeat tone that he was simply out of the room. I frantically summarize what happened in his absence and his response was “Ohh I’m sorry. I’m just really drunk. I had a lot of fun tonight tho, did you ?” All I could say was that I was tired and would call him in the morning.
Anyway he called me this morning in a great mood. Wish the same could be said for myself. I really felt let down by him yesterday in multiple instances, but don’t know if any of them are major enough to risk an argument over. I woke up this morning feeling down, not necessarily sad but definitely down. I’ve never felt more confused.
submitted by MentallyBlonde to Vent [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:54 mrgravyguy What VFFs are these?

What VFFs are these?
Just won these on eBay - absolute steal, but I'd like to know what model they are. I just can't figure it out!
submitted by mrgravyguy to BarefootRunning [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:54 AppRetro Attempted mugging??

I was walking through Ameyoko and thought I was being watched, usual feeling being a gaijin & had my AirPods in. I took out my iPhone (14 Pro) to change podcasts (Lateral if anyone is wondering) and when I did I was violently shoulder barged. Being from the UK this happened a few times when I was over there recently. I didn't drop my phone and heard the guy who bashed/pushed me mumble something that I don't think was Japanese.
Is there any point in me reporting this?
Stay safe out there and aware of your surroundings.
submitted by AppRetro to Tokyo [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:54 Delicious_Man_ Losing weight - is it worth it?

YES! It's Worth It - And Here's Why!

1) You’ll Have More Stamina

Losing weight makes it easier to keep up with your daily chores and activities – shopping, walking the dog, taking out the trash, cleaning the house, and preparing meals – without feeling fatigued or cranky from being too tired to do it at all. Stamina refers to the time you can walk, jog, or do other activities that require exertion before you become fatigued. Losing weight and being more physically active is the best way to increase your stamina, get more out of life, enjoy it more, and get more done.

2) Your Immune System Will Benefit

Fat cells aren’t just storage depots for extra energy; they’re endocrine glands. Fat cells produce inflammatory substances that damage tissues. Losing weight rebalances your immune system and decreases inflammation. You don’t have to lose massive amounts of weight to get the benefits. One study found shedding only 13 pounds was enough to reduce inflammation-producing cells to a level found in healthy people who aren’t overweight. That’s important for health since inflammation plays a role in most chronic diseases.

3) Food Will Taste Better

You may get more joy from eating your meals after losing weight. Stanford researchers found that people who are overweight or obese have taste buds that are less sensitive than leaner people. Therefore, they may derive less pleasure from eating a meal. Once the weight comes off, taste sensitivity returns, and food becomes more pleasurable again. Learning to eat mindfully by focusing on the sensory aspects of food also makes eating more pleasurable, and you’ll be satisfied with less. Plus, you’ll naturally make healthier food choices and derive more pleasure from them.

4) Less Impact on Your Joints

The more weight you carry on your frame, the more force you place on your joints with each step you take. The stress on your joints is even greater when you climb a flight of stairs. Over time, the burden of carrying that extra weight can trigger or worsen joint pain.
Research shows losing even a modest amount of weight lowers the risk of developing the most common type of arthritis, osteoarthritis, and improves knee arthritis symptoms in those who already have it.
Losing approximately 5 percent of body weight has been shown to offer some relief in obese patients with osteoarthritis, several studies reveal that a decrease in body weight of at least 10 percent provides more significant reductions in pain. So, weight loss can help your achy joints.
submitted by Delicious_Man_ to losing_weight [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:53 thebadassrn My neighbor put up a dog bark deterrent 3 feet from our open catio.

This is a long one, read if you please. I’m at a loss of what to do.
Backstory. We have four large dogs, two pitties and two German shepherd mixes. Pitties are kenneled when we leave because they can be jerks, but my other two roam the house.
We have a catio that my husband built into our downstairs window, so that our cats can be outside and enjoy the air while being contained and safe. This window stays open about 90% of the time when it’s nice outside, and closed if it’s cold or raining.
I came home from work a few weeks ago to see a post about 3 feet from the catio, directed into our open window (it was on my neighbors property, so no violation there). I initially thought it was a camera, but it was an ultrasonic dog bark deterrent.
My pitties don’t bark while they’re in their kennels, and my two others typically don’t bark unless someone is at the door or on the porch. We have cameras on every shared space in our home, and outside as well. So I know when they’re barking. We also play brown noise at the max volume on our Alexa devices to deter them from barking even further as it drowns out most outdoor noises.
Here’s where the issue comes in, the people who live across the street from my neighbor that put up the dog bark deterrent, have 9 cocker spaniels. These dogs bark at all hours. I woke up at 5:15 to get ready for work, and they were already barking. When I left for work at 6:10, they were STILL barking without a pause.
My husband said something to our neighbor about it, because those deterrents can make dogs more aggressive, especially if they can’t get away from it and it’s going off almost continuously. She moved it back about 15-20 feet, and it disappeared for a while, but I came home yesterday and it was outside again. Still just further back.
So this deterrent is going off every single time these cocker spaniels are losing their minds barking, and it’s directed into my house where my dogs can’t get away from it.
My husband offered to take our dogs over one at a time to meet her, because she says that she is afraid of them. She refused. My dogs would not hurt a fly. When I’m outside walking my shepherd mixes, she’ll wave and say hi and talk to me. If I have the pitties outside for a walk, she immediately goes inside or ignores me.
A few weeks ago, I saw my pitties going crazy on her side of the fence. She was watering her flowers, and the back splash was coming into our fence. They LOVE water and were chasing the water droplets like they do when we have the hose out. We have a 5ft high chain link fence with privacy inserts that block about 75% of view. She sprayed them both in the face. They were soaked. She claims they were “attacking the fence” when they were just running up and down chasing the water. I saw it happen.
I just am at a loss of what to do here. My brain says go over in the middle of the night and take the batteries out of the thing, or replace the batteries with dead batteries, but then I’d be on her property, etc.
I just texted her this morning and told her that her deterrent is going off every single time the neighbors dogs are barking, and she has yet to respond.
Sidenote: You can tell when it’s going off because there’s a red light on it that flashes.
submitted by thebadassrn to dogs [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:53 TL10 One year ago I made a post to try to encourage fans after we lost to the Oilers. If only I knew what would happen the next season...

One year ago I made a post to try to encourage fans after we lost to the Oilers. If only I knew what would happen the next season... submitted by TL10 to CalgaryFlames [link] [comments]

2023.05.28 15:52 GetTherapyBham Icky, Mean, Hateful: On the nature of evil in psychotherapy

One of the things that happens frequently in family therapy is that a person or group of family members will accuse the other person or group of family therapy of being mean or hateful. Most of the time if someone is abusive or intentionally hurtful they won’t deny ill intentions. Put simply, someone who has meant to be mean will usually admit that. Other times one side denies intentionally trying to hurt the person accusing them of trying to cause harm.
When this happens I usually draw a line down a piece of paper and have each side write down what they remember was said. On one side of the paper will be an objective statement. These statements might include something like you drank too much and yelled at me or you spent more money than you said you would. On the other side will be a subjective and usually judgemental one. These statements might include something like you said I am obnoxious or you said I am stupid and can’t do math. These statements refer to the same events but each party hears two different things.
When we don’t want to grow or change then we view others asking us to change behavior as an attack not an objective statement of reality. When someone points out that I went over budget it is easier for me to feel like they are in the wrong for making me feel stupid accepting that I could change my behavior or learn new things. When I get drunk it is easier to think that someone is judging me than to admit a mistake.
I tell clients often in psychotherapy that avoiding conflict does not make them a good person. Often it turns us into enablers of bad behavior and makes us contributors to the problematic state of the world. One of the ways that we do this is by pretending that the truth is always in the middle of each conflict and that all perspectives are equally valid. This is avoidance, because holding the authority to judge one side versus another makes us feel icky or judgy. We want life to be a children’s movie where all conflict is a misunderstanding between benevolent parties. That isn’t life. Sometimes people do, say and believe things that are just wrong. Each person could have a valuable perspective and could make a unique contribution to our collective reality. Operative word here is could. Not everyone chooses to.
Any person’s validity of perspective is predicated on that person’s ability to be honest with themselves. How can I be honest with anyone if I can’t even look in the mirror? If you cannot be honest with yourself or accept objective reality about something then every word you say about that thing is a lie. It does not matter whether or not you mean it to be a lie or even if you know that you are lying. To pretend that unconscious or unintentional dishonesty is a perspective that deserves our consideration is an absurd proposition. Yet, most people still do this just so they don’t have to feel mean!
I am not advocating for you to pass self righteous judgment or throw out discernment and humility. The opposite of truth is not lies but certainty. Judgment is unhealthy when it comes from an unresolved superiority complex. Judgment is a part of mature adulthood when we allow our intuition to tell us that some things are simply wrong no matter how widely accepted or traditional they are. Moral certainty is one of the first stones on the path to fanaticism but moral clarity is an essential ingredient to mental health. We can never wield judgment, or discernment, as a tool that helps us make healthy decisions and avoid destructive paths if we get overwhelmed by guilt everytime we start to notice that others are behaving badly.
Many times when we talk about psychology, politics, religion or family honestly and openly it makes people feel icky or guilty. This is because most people do not want to know what they think in these arenas or don’t want to accept what they already know. Psychologist Carl Jung calls this the shadow. The slippery half truths we tell ourselves to not have to accept the whole truth that always walks behind us. Often this is because of trauma. We don’t want to hurt others by criticizing them because we were hurt as children. It is easier to believe everything is our fault or enable bad behavior by refusing to point out unhealthy and self destructive tendencies.
If we are afraid of judgment we think we can avoid it but instead our avoidance causes more problems. Instead of having frank conversations about where our beliefs diverge from others we try to control them through praise. Telling someone that we like them because they do certain things is still judgment. Criticism cloaked in praise is still a form of control and manipulation. “I love you because you make good grades” is no different from “I won’t love you if you make bad grades”.
Other times unconscious fear of holding authority or passing judgment blinds us to the judgments we do hold and pass. Many people are unaware that they hold judgments because they have identified with them for so long. Some individuals who grew up in judgmental families may not even realize that they are constantly passively criticizing others. That is because the places where we were taught to criticize ourselves and others often hid an unhealed and unacknowledged pain from childhood. The things or people we judge intensely have the potential to become important teachers once we learn to work with our judgments.
When we have unconscious biases we often cannot see them and can’t apply our values consistently until we do. We apply values in the abstract but ignore our values when we are looking friends, family or patients in the eye. Maybe this avoidance is worse in the “bless her heart” American South, where I live, but it seems there is something very old and very human about it too. It seems that many people who are afraid to grow and change will accuse others of being hateful, judgmental, or mean for pointing out reality to them. They do this because they do not want anyone to point out their own hidden mistakes and insecurities. Remember, fear of judgment always comes from an unresolved wound. When you hold authority comfortably people with this unconscious wound will always react negatively to you. They would rather have their faults ignored and enabled.
When you tell someone how their behavior affected you in family therapy you will often hear things like well, you must think you are perfect if you are going to point out something honest and true about me!. Trying to avoid judgment of others is not a virtue, it is a sin. We owe it to ourselves and others not to carry water for bad behavior and self destructive patterns. Loving others is giving them what they need, not what they want. What we need is not always a gift we want right now. It is our job to give honesty as a gift and others to pen the gift if they want. If someone does not want your constructive criticism then don’t offer it, but don’t cut them slack in your own head or insist that others cut slack for them.
My critique in this article is a little bit about what we do, but much more about the way we think. Most of us are afraid of being judgmental, but when you give up your right to judgment then you give up your integrity with it. You have a responsibility to discern and apply your own moral authority to your life as an adult. Not what is traditional, not what you were taught, but the things that you have learned are actually effective. You cannot function as an adult without this ability. If you cannot ask yourself is the world and myself better off for this decision with clarity comfortably then you are avoiding part of mature adulthood and part of yourself. Avoidance is not mature. Ignoring these realities leaves you neurotically reliving childhood.
I will admit that healthy and unhealthy behavior can look the same from the outside. Some people criticize others just to deflect judgment off their own flaws. This is an example of that person avoiding admitting the things it is their job to change and grow through. To others the same criticism may be a good faith attempt to offer someone constructive criticism on where they hurt others needlessly and diverge from their stated values in practice. This is often hard to tell a part in ourselves and others. Therapy was very beneficial to me in my ability to do this for myself.
Alfred Adler said that all problems in mental health come from someone not wanting to do one of two things.
Help other people Wait till they ask for the help. This article is not defending your right to punish or antagonize. Other people’s decisions are theirs and not for you to change or obsess over. Not even your parents, not even your friends. Especially not your patients. Help people. Wait till they ask for the help. This is the first step of the change process. Instead this article is about allowing clarity in our own communication and thinking. Unless someone asks you for help in their moral development and growth then leave them alone. Unless someone asks you for help their decisions and moral dishonesty are not any of your business. You have no right to enforce your morals on the world. Many sessions of therapy with me end when I tell people that I can’t take their symptoms away without asking them to change their behavior. We can’t keep acting the same way and expect to feel different. I let patients decide if they want my help. Whether they get better is not my decision.
Integrity means that the same ethical standards that we have for others we should apply equally for ourselves and vice versa. There should not be different moral standards for people with the same cognitive ability. To be an adult we have to be comfortable passing judgment by applying our moral standards to ourselves and others consistently. That means that we must judge the parts of some people that make us feel icky and bad. Sometimes that icky, bad, guilty feeling will lead you into facing your own trauma in therapy. Where you are afraid to go is where you were hurt before.
That means you have to judge even those we love and would rather make excuses for. Even the parts of loved ones that we would rather not notice. If you can’t discerningly notice where your children or family are failing to grow and be authentic maybe they have become an extension of your own ego in an unhealthy way. If you find yourself saying things like “but she was from a different time…” or “but you don’t understand how…” then this is a good place for you to look at your own avoidance in therapy.
How do we know the whole person honestly without noticing all their parts? Much of adult reality comes down to a simple binary. Would you rather live in denial of reality comfortably or would you rather live honestly even if that causes anxiety. The easy thing to do and the right thing to do are very rarely the same thing. We would all prefer to live in the myopic comfort of childhood where everything that makes us feel bad is bad. Unfortunately that is not reality. Many of the things that feel bad are invitations for you to grow up.
One of the most frequent times that my patients tell me they feel known and loved is when I point out their self deception in a loving way. They feel both seen and known. No one’s flaws mean they are undeserving of being loved. It is that love that invites our friends, family and patients into change. I tell people frequently that we can love others only as much as we love ourselves. The places where parents failed us say nothing about us. More often they are places where our parents stopped growing and refused criticism. They could not heal past that point, and so, could not love parts of us past the blank edge of the map they refused to chart. Parents can’t always come with us or even understand the places we are going but that does not make growing up a bad place to go.
It is perfectly acceptable and adult to admit that there are bad parts of good people. Depth psychology frees us in interpersonal relationships because I don’t have to either “cancel” grandpa at thanksgiving or lie to myself about who parts of what he chose, and still chooses to be. We should examine ourselves and our lives as good decisions that we want to repeat and bad decisions that we don’t want to repeat. A long time ago someone told me “My boyfriend keeps cheating on me and I keep forgiving him. I asked them if they could not forgive their boyfriend and they told me they could not refuse to ignore bad behavior. “That is not forgiveness then” I told them. That is enabling. Forgiveness is always a choice.
We should have grace and forgiveness for our own and others’ mistakes. Judgment should not make you feel like God by proxy. Forgiveness comes after honesty always though. You can’t forgive me for the crime I committed, am still committing, and plan on continuing to commit. That is not how grace works. Continuing to let someone off the hook for behavior they refuse to change might make us feel less “icky” but it also means that we have no integrity. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If I will not admit I have a problem then I likely am not going to change and you are within your rights as an adult to point that out to me.
When people make objective statements about you or other people then that cannot be “mean” or “hateful”. Those statements are either true or false. That is true even when those statements are about patterns or projections from someone’s psychology. One of the places where I see people have the hardest time accepting reality is when people point out, honestly and without judgment, the patterns and preferences with which a friend or family member thinks. The values we identify with say something about us. How could they not?
We don’t pick our theology, philosophy, politics, or beliefs randomly. We do that as a projection of our own psychology and unresolved trauma. You can’t say “well they were raised to” or “told to believe that” to let someone off the hook. We have to be accountable for our own lives and the things we do. If there is an unhealthy unconscious process in someone you love, then you are not being honest if you avoid or ignore it. You are enabling yourself if you attack others that are simply pointing out facts you would rather ignore.
If someone has become an extension of an unhealthy belief system or if their actions become unhealthy because of something they were told to believe, that is still absolutely that person’s fault and responsibility. Whose else would it be? Our actions, beliefs, self image, religious beliefs and even modalities of therapy are projections of our own psychology. How could they not be? We pick them. If you are spinning your tires in the mud trying to justify intellectually something that you don’t want to face emotionally, you are being avoidant and enabling.
If you can’t refute the truth of what someone challenging you is saying, notice where your own emotional self wants to say “yeah, but…”. That is the beginning seed of avoidance that leads us to enable the brokenness of this world. Face this stuff. Watch your own reactions and notice where it is hard for you to not attack others when they state facts. That is where your psychology is still operating like a child’s. If you hear yourself making excuses for someone when someone points out something that is simply true then it is time for that part of you to grow up.
Fighting evil starts with your ability to look into your own eye. Most religious traditions start trying to challenge the ego and then later are co-opted by those that want to enable it. Don’t misuse your own spiritual or philisophical tradition to this end.
In relationship counseling the biggest predictor of success is not the size of the problem. You will see giant problems like drug addiction or serial adultery that a couple heals from. You will also see small problems like avoidance and white lies that end a marriage. The biggest predictor of success is whether or not all parties are willing to accurately label the problem and agree that it should change. When you face your own shame, remember that it is not the size of the error but the elaborateness of the defense mechanism(s) you enable.
Evil is created when we rationalize and avoid labeling bad behavior so we can insulate ourselves from the need to change. We all have the responsibility to change. If someone willfully chooses to make themselves and the world a worse place, be honest about that fact. Defend their soul’s potential but not their behavior and refusal to actualize that potential. If someone tells you not to speak ill of the family or the dead, tell them that you would rather be honest. If not authentic honesty what else do we have?
Maya Angelou was a wise woman. When she said that “When people tell you who they are, believe them” she was talking about challenging your ego and the manners, and traditions that you were told made you noble and good. Where people show you their real values don’t defend them. If anyone defend their own or others bad behavior by misappropriating her second most popular quote: “People don’t remember what you said, they remember how you made them feel” write them off, that is not what it means. If someone consistently thinks what you said is irrelevant, but how they feel is your responsibility, then they have a personality disorder. That was never your fault. Stop quoting Maya Angelou on instagram when you want other people to take responsibility for your emotions. It IS your job to remember and think about the points others make not blame them for how those points make you feel.
I know that trauma plays a part in our beliefs about ourselves and what we do. I know it informs religion, philosophy and taste in culture. I know that there are reasons that people make the choices that they do, but we are the ones responsible for our own life and development. Ultimately our lives are the sum total of our choices. As a friend, as a family member, as a therapist, you are not doing anyone any favors by pretending that that is not the case. Patient’s know that on some level before they come to see you. Ultimately patients will leave if you fail to point that out as a therapist.
People come to therapy for many reasons. Underneath all the choices that we make we are really only making one choice. Do you go into the parts of yourself that you were afraid of? Do you face them and do you grow and change? Faced with that choice directly most people will choose to run. I understand the tragedy of that but that does make that decision or its consequences any less real. Most biographies are a tragedy, but that is not your fault. The only biography you have control over is your own autobiography.
Everyone has the ability to heal and change. You are not doing yourself or others any favors when you make excuses or make an argument that lack of growth is just part of someone’s implicit nature.That’s just how she is. That’s just how I am. No it’s not. That’s just how you or they chose to be and keep choosing to be. If that makes you feel icky to sit with, go to therapy. They could change if they wanted too. You did. You are not doing them any favors by indulging the belief that they can’t change in order to make them feel better. The parts of ourselves that defeat our authentic self should make us feel bad. That anxiety is what propels change if we don’t ignore it or turn it off.
The reason that the people who hurt you did that was because they were afraid to face their own fears. Your only choice is to face your own. When you don’t believe you can change, then constructive criticism is an attack because all intonations of what you could be are a reminder that that is not who you are right now. If this is all I think I can be then all I can take from the most constructive of criticism is that what I am is wrong. It is wrong because I was made to believe that what I am is all I can be. In screen writing they teach that the antagonist cannot change. The protagonist changes and the antagonist gets stuck somewhere on the path to self actualization, attack those that try to advance beyond that point. The antagonist has no possibility of change. When I start to change I can become the protagonist.
For real change to take place the other party has to understand themselves as a series of parts and decisions. Who they authentically are is not bad. Just because my behavior was bad does not mean I am bad. Behavior is a choice I can change. Most people will never know who they are and that is a tragedy. They will never face the parts of self they are afraid of and in avoiding them they will project them on you and me. This lack of self awareness and self discovery is a tragedy that effective therapy, healthy spiritual practices and loving families are seeking to remedy by expecting you to change. If you refuse to change then, yes, you are the bad guy. If someone chooses that, let that be their choice. Let them be the antagonist. They could understand what you were saying if they wanted to understand themselves.
You can absolutely invite people into growth and change in a loving way. Whether someone accepts the invitation is up to them. Their reaction says nothing about you. If you exist authentically with love and honesty anyone’s reaction to that is up to them. If they dislike your honesty it is the same thing as someone yelling at a mountain or a rainstorm. Maybe the weather, terrain or honesty inconveniences someone. That is not your fault so don’t let yourself feel guilty. You are only an advocate on behalf of reality. You will not win every court case. Reality just is what it is and we all must choose how to cope with it. Do your own journey and let others choose if they want to do theirs. Beneath all our choices that are really the only choice we make. Face yourself or die never knowing what you are.
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2023.05.28 15:52 ufocatchers Crystal the pistol theories.

When our beloved Crystal (Cristin) was confirmed dead on scene by Misty after trying to do cpr what do you think happened to her body?
Because at the time of the episode the girls were out of food (still are) so my previous theory was that one day while one of the girls was outside the cabin they’d stumble upon Crystals body,
where ever it has been placed or moved by whoever or whatever and it would be seen as a gift and blessing from the wilderness.
Out of hunger they probably wouldn’t even take much time to think how and why she died,
they’d assume she got lost, was out too long froze to death, and hungry defeats everything even logic, with the lack of animals in the forest right now,
I don’t doubt they’d not think too much about how she died out of hunger and not wanting to think any of their friends killed her and that’s why she went missing so they would all choose believe the frozen body of Crystal was a blessing/gift from the wilderness and simply chomp down.
In my mind the wilderness has taken her,
However I’m wondering if there is a second option.
Crystal being alive,
yes we saw Misty confirm she was dead but many people have died for a few minutes only to come back to life, what is Crystal body came back to life and she literally walked away?
Maybe that’s who Javi was with in the cave?
Maybe once they find her, find she’s been hiding a whole hidy hole they could all use right now they’d start the hunt out of anger, and Crystal becomes the pit girl, falling into a pit that was made for a different hunt but the girls feel so betrayed they go feral and go after Crystal.
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