Mobil home for sale by owner
ForSaleByOwnerFSBO
2020.06.10 23:33 Another_Question4u ForSaleByOwnerFSBO
Home sellers and buyers asking questions, sharing best practices, lessons learned, where to get help when they buy or sell residential real estate without the help of a broker or agent. For Sale By Owner Home Sales in the fsbo realty market. Ask diy home selling buying questions about purchase agreements, disclosures, real estate contracts, closing, escrow, appraisals, inspections, moving, negotiation, mortgage loans, and getting house keys. Sell homes Do It Yourself without a Realtor.
2016.05.18 05:09 sameerb Google Home/Nest Speakers and Displays
A User community for smart speakers and displays from Google Home/Nest and their related products that use Google Assistant. Share information, tips, bugs, new features, requests.
2012.03.24 18:26 calza Welcome to r/homegym. A subreddit devoted to working out at home.
A subreddit devoted to working out at home.
2023.06.02 01:10 chrisborgphoto Client doesn't want to pay ! HELP!?
So here's the story...
I'm a freelance videographer and photographer and never really had any client issues in the past five years apart from the odd back and forth with revisions once in a while but this is definitely a first !!
Client based in Italy, shot some videos and photos for them in March. Finished the work and sent everything gradually to them with the final link arriving early April, as agreed in the contract that was digitally signed on Dropbox Sign by both of us. I'd like to add that I provided 3x the amount of photos, and provided the work about 3 weeks early than agreed.
Client ghosted me for the past 7 weeks. I tried calling about 30 times. 5 whatsapp messages. 5 emails.
Nothing. Payment date was expired by two weeks so I sent him a final warning said I would take legal action and all of a sudden he sent me a Whatsapp message a day later so it must of scared him.
But he only said he didn't like the first link which was one of the videos so he didn't bother even looking at any of the other videos and photos - he said he gives me his word he is not going to use the media and said he would pay for my transport because "court would not be good for the both of us".
On a separate note, I'm not 100% but I think he is not happy with the outcome because he has a flaky wall and building is not complete next door so obviously this is evident in some of the footage. Again his attitude is completely unprofessional imo because he said he didn't even open the other videos and photos.. which include also interior, some of which are perfect for use + that he just didn't pick up my calls or answer my emails instead of confronting me with the truth. This guy is a business owner in his 50s acting like a 14 yo.
So.. I sent him an email stating this and explaining my position offering a discounted amount seeing that he was "unhappy" and to pay within 5 days. final offer.
4 days gone so far and still no response.
The amount in question is EUR 2,000 - so not a small amount but at this stage I feel this has consumed so much of my time it's more about not letting this guy treat me like this. P.S. Contract states the work to be done and that I should be paid for my services within a set timescale, doesn't say anywhere that he has a get out clause or anything like this.
AND
I've just searched about him online and found that he was also in court a few years ago in a tax evasion case of hundreds of thousands of Euros which it seems they weren't able to close and he got away with so I guess he feels a bit untouchable especially with a nobody like me.
What would you do next / in what order ??? (done some homework already)
Any advice from anyone who had any situation like this or who have dealt with Small Claims in EU maybe ? or any advice really ! Cheers - Chris
submitted by chrisborgphoto to videography [link] [comments]
I'm a freelance videographer and photographer and never really had any client issues in the past five years apart from the odd back and forth with revisions once in a while but this is definitely a first !!
Client based in Italy, shot some videos and photos for them in March. Finished the work and sent everything gradually to them with the final link arriving early April, as agreed in the contract that was digitally signed on Dropbox Sign by both of us. I'd like to add that I provided 3x the amount of photos, and provided the work about 3 weeks early than agreed.
Client ghosted me for the past 7 weeks. I tried calling about 30 times. 5 whatsapp messages. 5 emails.
Nothing. Payment date was expired by two weeks so I sent him a final warning said I would take legal action and all of a sudden he sent me a Whatsapp message a day later so it must of scared him.
But he only said he didn't like the first link which was one of the videos so he didn't bother even looking at any of the other videos and photos - he said he gives me his word he is not going to use the media and said he would pay for my transport because "court would not be good for the both of us".
On a separate note, I'm not 100% but I think he is not happy with the outcome because he has a flaky wall and building is not complete next door so obviously this is evident in some of the footage. Again his attitude is completely unprofessional imo because he said he didn't even open the other videos and photos.. which include also interior, some of which are perfect for use + that he just didn't pick up my calls or answer my emails instead of confronting me with the truth. This guy is a business owner in his 50s acting like a 14 yo.
So.. I sent him an email stating this and explaining my position offering a discounted amount seeing that he was "unhappy" and to pay within 5 days. final offer.
4 days gone so far and still no response.
The amount in question is EUR 2,000 - so not a small amount but at this stage I feel this has consumed so much of my time it's more about not letting this guy treat me like this. P.S. Contract states the work to be done and that I should be paid for my services within a set timescale, doesn't say anywhere that he has a get out clause or anything like this.
AND
I've just searched about him online and found that he was also in court a few years ago in a tax evasion case of hundreds of thousands of Euros which it seems they weren't able to close and he got away with so I guess he feels a bit untouchable especially with a nobody like me.
What would you do next / in what order ??? (done some homework already)
- Letter from Lawyers in Italy - Cost 200 euro p/letter. No action taken if he rips it up but might scare him more
- Debt Collection Agency in Italy - Cost 75 euro and they send letters, calls, emails, and also go to his business. They also then take about 200 euro if they manage to get the money from him.
- Small Claims Court in EU - I thought this was straight forward but it's not even that clear whether I need to do it in Italian, online or by post, it's a bit confusing so sent them an email but haven't heard back yet. It's also unclear whether Italy will take any action if I submit without a lawyer. I was thinking this is my best option because I have all his whatsapp messages and emails + the contract which I would imagine is in my favour.
- Tribunal in Italy - sent them emails on 3 addresses nothing back yet. They seem useless tbh
- Hiring a lawyer in Italy - they told me this wouldn't be worth it so guess it could cost more than the amount in the end.
- Go there (3 hour drive) in peak season and ask him for my payment face to face in a non confrontational way but still making a bit of a scene in front of his clients.
- Out him on his and my social media, google review etc..
Any advice from anyone who had any situation like this or who have dealt with Small Claims in EU maybe ? or any advice really ! Cheers - Chris
2023.06.02 01:08 carpurchasexlt North Americans thinking they need a 2 ton death machine that carries 4 recliners and an HVAC system to commute
 | submitted by carpurchasexlt to fuckcars [link] [comments] |
2023.06.02 01:08 jyphil Complicated mortgage mess.. help?
Hi.
FTHB last summer. Got 30 year variable closed mortgage with RBC. As all variable rate owners know it's been nothing short of tight.
Yesterday (Wed) read on Reddit RBC was raising rates the next day (i.e. today Thu). I called RBC yesterday to switch to a 5 yr fixed and worked out an early renewal agreement set for Jun 21 (so I have time to put in a lump sum principal payment and lower my monthly mortgage payment based on the outstanding mortgage being lowered by said lump sum payment).
As I reviewed yesterday with the RBC person I realized they had 330 months for Original Amortization (i.e. 27.5 years) instead of 360 months (30 years). I put it aside for the moment cus I needed my early renewal agreement processed that day in order to hold the fixed rate that would increase the next day.
I'm on the phone again with RBC and they see 330 months on their side, but I have the original letter stating 30 years so they will send for investigation. ihave a feeling it was a typo but can't confirm until investigation.
Soo... 2 problems. (a) my payments the past year was based on incorrect shorter amortization, what do I do? I'm going to ask for a thorough recalculation and associated principal payments against my interest payments if this was errored. (B) I'm in process of getting the early renewal agreement based on an agreed outstanding mortgage amount set for Jun 21, which would include a lump sum payment withdrawn that day Jun 21 to reach that outstanding mortgage amount... Issue being I have problem (a) compounding the messiness of how much my mortgage should be.
Lol.... Fun being a home owner.... Saved and invested diligently (no help from parents) and here I am..
submitted by jyphil to MortgagesCanada [link] [comments]
FTHB last summer. Got 30 year variable closed mortgage with RBC. As all variable rate owners know it's been nothing short of tight.
Yesterday (Wed) read on Reddit RBC was raising rates the next day (i.e. today Thu). I called RBC yesterday to switch to a 5 yr fixed and worked out an early renewal agreement set for Jun 21 (so I have time to put in a lump sum principal payment and lower my monthly mortgage payment based on the outstanding mortgage being lowered by said lump sum payment).
As I reviewed yesterday with the RBC person I realized they had 330 months for Original Amortization (i.e. 27.5 years) instead of 360 months (30 years). I put it aside for the moment cus I needed my early renewal agreement processed that day in order to hold the fixed rate that would increase the next day.
I'm on the phone again with RBC and they see 330 months on their side, but I have the original letter stating 30 years so they will send for investigation. ihave a feeling it was a typo but can't confirm until investigation.
Soo... 2 problems. (a) my payments the past year was based on incorrect shorter amortization, what do I do? I'm going to ask for a thorough recalculation and associated principal payments against my interest payments if this was errored. (B) I'm in process of getting the early renewal agreement based on an agreed outstanding mortgage amount set for Jun 21, which would include a lump sum payment withdrawn that day Jun 21 to reach that outstanding mortgage amount... Issue being I have problem (a) compounding the messiness of how much my mortgage should be.
Lol.... Fun being a home owner.... Saved and invested diligently (no help from parents) and here I am..
2023.06.02 01:08 crazykid087 Interesting thoughts on restaurant's management style....(host rant)
Hey all, nowhere else to post this but felt this general subreddit is a good one since its restaurant related.
I recently got hired by a corporate owned restaurant which I shall call the Fast and Furious franchise of the dining world.
After getting acclimated into my new environment for the past month, I can safely say I've got my footing in place.
Now not to sound too naive, but it seems when it comes to management, each one of the 5 have a rather unique way of handling things. And I myself like certain one's way better than others. However, first and foremost, I am lucky to at least have all of management to have their employees backs and investing trust in their staff.
My main issue is that sometimes, it's hard to figure out what the final ruling on certain situations is and that creates some internal conflict during decision time.
So I have one GM, and he is a great guy. He values each of his staff and their uniqueness. He isn't a strict uniform type of guy. Just show up and do your best and listen. As long as you know you did your best, whenever a mistake is made, if you be honest and tell him, he'll always have your back. However, bottom line though, he is very much the company man. Profit and money comes first at all times. I work as a host, and he is very much, SLAM THE SERVERS. Guests shouldnt be waiting in the lobby if there are open tables. Which as you can see can be a problem if its been consistently busy. He despises when we try to create a "false wait" (which is something I personally hate doing but if I need to buy time, I need to buy time). He is also all about "cutting" staff if we can save money. If its not at peak busy high volume, it's time to tell people to go home. Which sucks when I get sent out to hunt down servers to tell them hi, I know you travelled far to get here but you've got to go. Like I'm a blade runnner and the servers are rogue replicants. Sometimes, it's like playing hide and seek with them (the place is rather huge). My only pet gripe with my GM is that despite having 4 other managers working there, no one should be helping the front desk. Which, I mean thanks for giving our host crew autonomy a majority of the time but sometimes I need them. (Further explained)
Then we have some of the AGMs, which are two. One of them is my favorite, this old dude who reminds me of my dad. He is the kind of guy that doles out cheesy dad jokes. He is responsible for all of our technical hardware for the restaurant and anything technology related. Basically, he makes the unseen stuff working for our crew. When the lighting isn't working or somethings wrong with the pipes or the Walkin, he is our go to guy to get it fixed. He is also, one of the best schmoozers I have ever seen with guests. You've got a table that seems like it just keeps going south, you send him over there and he smooths things over so well. A jolly fun type of guy. Just don't let him micromanage any of the front desk stuff or the window, and it'll be okay.
Then the other AGM, is the one who micromanages everything. And she does it really well. She is my go-to person whenever I have questions or need feedback on something. Normally she's in the back though expediting and making sure the kitchen plays well with the staff.
Then there's the 2 managers underneath the mentioned 3. They mostly work with the front desk so I have the most interaction with them. Both of them have a lot of experience working as hosts and servers in other branches prior to them coming to our location, so they know their stuff. And have a lot of empathy for the crew. One of them, is currently someone I thought was rather lazy but over the recent holiday, was helping me literally clean shit from the bathroom. He actually cleaned the toilet and did the gross tasks while I was mopping. So now my viewpoint has changed on him. The other one has a lot of experience with hosting and serving, so this is when these two's theories and styles opposes the GMs. They always tell us to check with servers and ask them their current mental state. Can they take another table? Because the idea is if they can't then we at the front know and can make alternate plans. Seating a server that is in the weeds, we've already done something we can't fix and costs us having to comp or fix something. Also, when its rather busy, sometimes servers won't complain or say anything to anyone. So, this is where communication is key.
I lead this into a situation when our GM got upset one day about a small wait, because the pilot (our person in charge of seating) wanted to check if certain servers where ready to be sat. The GM only sees money being wasted when its just sitting in the lobby instead of at the table. So after that tirade, both of the 2 younger managers came up and said that despite all of that, no matter what, our GM is our GM and has final say. So now, if things looks like its going to shit, Id have to find them to help the servers that need help.
I know this was rather long winded, but having to play politics and make decisions that satisfies both ideals is kind of stressful. I see the merits in both management styles and theories as to why one side is the best vs. the other. But i also do not want to promote infighting either. When the GM got upset and asked why we were doing what we were doing, instead of saying because so and so said so, i Just said, it was my idea i'm sorry.
submitted by crazykid087 to TalesFromYourServer [link] [comments]
I recently got hired by a corporate owned restaurant which I shall call the Fast and Furious franchise of the dining world.
After getting acclimated into my new environment for the past month, I can safely say I've got my footing in place.
Now not to sound too naive, but it seems when it comes to management, each one of the 5 have a rather unique way of handling things. And I myself like certain one's way better than others. However, first and foremost, I am lucky to at least have all of management to have their employees backs and investing trust in their staff.
My main issue is that sometimes, it's hard to figure out what the final ruling on certain situations is and that creates some internal conflict during decision time.
So I have one GM, and he is a great guy. He values each of his staff and their uniqueness. He isn't a strict uniform type of guy. Just show up and do your best and listen. As long as you know you did your best, whenever a mistake is made, if you be honest and tell him, he'll always have your back. However, bottom line though, he is very much the company man. Profit and money comes first at all times. I work as a host, and he is very much, SLAM THE SERVERS. Guests shouldnt be waiting in the lobby if there are open tables. Which as you can see can be a problem if its been consistently busy. He despises when we try to create a "false wait" (which is something I personally hate doing but if I need to buy time, I need to buy time). He is also all about "cutting" staff if we can save money. If its not at peak busy high volume, it's time to tell people to go home. Which sucks when I get sent out to hunt down servers to tell them hi, I know you travelled far to get here but you've got to go. Like I'm a blade runnner and the servers are rogue replicants. Sometimes, it's like playing hide and seek with them (the place is rather huge). My only pet gripe with my GM is that despite having 4 other managers working there, no one should be helping the front desk. Which, I mean thanks for giving our host crew autonomy a majority of the time but sometimes I need them. (Further explained)
Then we have some of the AGMs, which are two. One of them is my favorite, this old dude who reminds me of my dad. He is the kind of guy that doles out cheesy dad jokes. He is responsible for all of our technical hardware for the restaurant and anything technology related. Basically, he makes the unseen stuff working for our crew. When the lighting isn't working or somethings wrong with the pipes or the Walkin, he is our go to guy to get it fixed. He is also, one of the best schmoozers I have ever seen with guests. You've got a table that seems like it just keeps going south, you send him over there and he smooths things over so well. A jolly fun type of guy. Just don't let him micromanage any of the front desk stuff or the window, and it'll be okay.
Then the other AGM, is the one who micromanages everything. And she does it really well. She is my go-to person whenever I have questions or need feedback on something. Normally she's in the back though expediting and making sure the kitchen plays well with the staff.
Then there's the 2 managers underneath the mentioned 3. They mostly work with the front desk so I have the most interaction with them. Both of them have a lot of experience working as hosts and servers in other branches prior to them coming to our location, so they know their stuff. And have a lot of empathy for the crew. One of them, is currently someone I thought was rather lazy but over the recent holiday, was helping me literally clean shit from the bathroom. He actually cleaned the toilet and did the gross tasks while I was mopping. So now my viewpoint has changed on him. The other one has a lot of experience with hosting and serving, so this is when these two's theories and styles opposes the GMs. They always tell us to check with servers and ask them their current mental state. Can they take another table? Because the idea is if they can't then we at the front know and can make alternate plans. Seating a server that is in the weeds, we've already done something we can't fix and costs us having to comp or fix something. Also, when its rather busy, sometimes servers won't complain or say anything to anyone. So, this is where communication is key.
I lead this into a situation when our GM got upset one day about a small wait, because the pilot (our person in charge of seating) wanted to check if certain servers where ready to be sat. The GM only sees money being wasted when its just sitting in the lobby instead of at the table. So after that tirade, both of the 2 younger managers came up and said that despite all of that, no matter what, our GM is our GM and has final say. So now, if things looks like its going to shit, Id have to find them to help the servers that need help.
I know this was rather long winded, but having to play politics and make decisions that satisfies both ideals is kind of stressful. I see the merits in both management styles and theories as to why one side is the best vs. the other. But i also do not want to promote infighting either. When the GM got upset and asked why we were doing what we were doing, instead of saying because so and so said so, i Just said, it was my idea i'm sorry.
2023.06.02 01:08 AutoModerator [Updated] Iman Gadzhi - Agency Incubator
Contact me to get Iman Gadzhi - Agency Incubator by chatting me on +44 759 388 2116 on Telegram/Whatsapp.
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Over the span of 20+ hours, Agency Incubator has training that covers EVERY aspect of building an agency. This is almost a plug & play system with enough success stories to back it up! You name it... signing clients, running killer Facebook ads, building out your team, on-boarding clients, invoicing, sales... this course has everything covered for you!
The lessons inside Iman Gadzhi - Agency Incubator course include:
1. Foundations
2. Mindset
3. Systems & Processes
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6. Service Delivery
7. Operational Supremacy…
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To get Iman Gadzhi - Agency Incubator contact me on:
Whatsapp/Telegram: +44 759 388 2116 (Telegram: multistorecourses)
Reddit DM to u/RequestCourseAccess
Email: silverlakestore[@]yandex.com (remove the brackets)
submitted by AutoModerator to GroupImanGadzhi [link] [comments]
I have Iman Gadzhi - Agency Incubator.
Iman Gadzhi – Agency Incubator course is one of the best products on how to start a marketing agency.
Over the span of 20+ hours, Agency Incubator has training that covers EVERY aspect of building an agency. This is almost a plug & play system with enough success stories to back it up! You name it... signing clients, running killer Facebook ads, building out your team, on-boarding clients, invoicing, sales... this course has everything covered for you!
The lessons inside Iman Gadzhi - Agency Incubator course include:
1. Foundations
2. Mindset
3. Systems & Processes
4. Finding Leads and Setting Meetings
5. Sales
6. Service Delivery
7. Operational Supremacy…
… and more!
To get Iman Gadzhi - Agency Incubator contact me on:
Whatsapp/Telegram: +44 759 388 2116 (Telegram: multistorecourses)
Reddit DM to u/RequestCourseAccess
Email: silverlakestore[@]yandex.com (remove the brackets)
2023.06.02 01:08 AutoModerator Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator (2022 New Version)
Contact me to get Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator by chatting me on +44 759 388 2116 on Telegram/Whatsapp.
I have Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator.
Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator course is one of the best products on how to start a marketing agency.
Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator includes over 50 hours of step-by-step training covering EVERY aspect of building an agency from scratch. This is almost a plug & play system with enough success stories to back it up! Signing clients, running Facebook ads, building out your team, on-boarding clients, invoicing, sales... this course has everything covered for you.
The topics inside Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator course include:
- Starting Your Agency
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To get Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator contact me on:
Whatsapp/Telegram: +44 759 388 2116
Reddit DM to user u/taxscore
Email: silverlakestore[@]yandex.com (remove the brackets)
submitted by AutoModerator to TheRealImanGadzhi [link] [comments]
I have Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator.
Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator course is one of the best products on how to start a marketing agency.
Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator includes over 50 hours of step-by-step training covering EVERY aspect of building an agency from scratch. This is almost a plug & play system with enough success stories to back it up! Signing clients, running Facebook ads, building out your team, on-boarding clients, invoicing, sales... this course has everything covered for you.
The topics inside Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator course include:
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- Starting Your Agency
- Finding Leads
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- Getting Paid
- Onboarding Clients
- Managing Client Communication...
...and much, much more!
To get Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator contact me on:
Whatsapp/Telegram: +44 759 388 2116
Reddit DM to user u/taxscore
Email: silverlakestore[@]yandex.com (remove the brackets)
2023.06.02 01:08 WickedSensitiveCrew Verizon Intros First Bundle That Combines Netflix, Paramount+ With Showtime for a Discounted Price
https://variety.com/2023/digital/news/verizon-bundle-netflix-paramount-plus-showtime-discount-1235629686/
For the first time, rival streaming services Netflix and Paramount+ are coming together in a price-discounted bundle, exclusively for Verizon wireless customers in the U.S. The limited-time deal, through Verizon’s +play subscription-aggregation hub, offers the carrier’s mobile customers a price point of $25.99/month for Netflix Premium and Paramount+ With Showtime — a 19% discount ($5.99 off) the regular monthly price of the two services sold separately. (You’ll still need two separate apps to watch each of the streamers.) Verizon said customers will be able to find more info on the offer at verizon.com/plusplay. Netflix Premium, the streamer’s priciest plan that includes up to four simultaneous streams and content in up to 4K Ultra HD, is regularly $19.99/month. Paramount+ With Showtime will cost $11.99/month when it officially becomes Paramount Global’s top-tier, ad-free streaming plan later in June.
It’s the latest bid by Verizon to serve as the Switzerland to the players doing battle in the streaming wars. The telco’s +play portal includes more than 30 services, across entertainment, sports, education, lifestyle and fitness categories. Current offers include a free one-year Netflix Premium subscription with the purchase of another service on +play. “With partners like Netflix and Paramount+ With Showtime on +play, we’re leading the industry in offering customers the content they want in completely new formats, with never-before-seen bundles they can’t get anywhere else,” Erin McPherson, Verizon Consumer Group’s chief content officer, said in announcing the deal.
Jeff Shultz, Paramount Streaming’s chief strategy officer and chief business development officer, added: “This new and distinctive streaming bundle on Verizon’s +play is yet another example of our commitment to offering consumers universal distribution and industry-leading deals. By partnering with Verizon, we are making our broad and popular streaming offering on Paramount+ With Showtime just that more accessible.”
submitted by WickedSensitiveCrew to stocks [link] [comments]
For the first time, rival streaming services Netflix and Paramount+ are coming together in a price-discounted bundle, exclusively for Verizon wireless customers in the U.S. The limited-time deal, through Verizon’s +play subscription-aggregation hub, offers the carrier’s mobile customers a price point of $25.99/month for Netflix Premium and Paramount+ With Showtime — a 19% discount ($5.99 off) the regular monthly price of the two services sold separately. (You’ll still need two separate apps to watch each of the streamers.) Verizon said customers will be able to find more info on the offer at verizon.com/plusplay. Netflix Premium, the streamer’s priciest plan that includes up to four simultaneous streams and content in up to 4K Ultra HD, is regularly $19.99/month. Paramount+ With Showtime will cost $11.99/month when it officially becomes Paramount Global’s top-tier, ad-free streaming plan later in June.
It’s the latest bid by Verizon to serve as the Switzerland to the players doing battle in the streaming wars. The telco’s +play portal includes more than 30 services, across entertainment, sports, education, lifestyle and fitness categories. Current offers include a free one-year Netflix Premium subscription with the purchase of another service on +play. “With partners like Netflix and Paramount+ With Showtime on +play, we’re leading the industry in offering customers the content they want in completely new formats, with never-before-seen bundles they can’t get anywhere else,” Erin McPherson, Verizon Consumer Group’s chief content officer, said in announcing the deal.
Jeff Shultz, Paramount Streaming’s chief strategy officer and chief business development officer, added: “This new and distinctive streaming bundle on Verizon’s +play is yet another example of our commitment to offering consumers universal distribution and industry-leading deals. By partnering with Verizon, we are making our broad and popular streaming offering on Paramount+ With Showtime just that more accessible.”
2023.06.02 01:08 Mundane_Camel_2175 I have no cards left up my sleeve
I thought things would get better, logically they should’ve. I’ve done everything in my power to give her the life she wanted and I get nothing, zero in return. Thousands spent to bring her back but at night she’s gone again. Truth be told I’m writing this because whenever I start to post here I get interrupted by a call from her.
I bought her the dream pet she wanted. Over the past month she’s taken care of it 2 times and I’ve been stuck with it every day. I simply don’t have the time to take care of an infant animal alone. After a day of shopping and completely redoing her wardrobe buying whatever she wanted, having a store employee walk her through store, catering to her every need, getting her the absolute best. I get a hint of affection, I get taken to a jewelry store and shown what style of ring she wants. Immediately I’m taken to her family and pushed to ask for their blessing. I did, I was honest with them that I needed to see some changes (ie: actually showing love like she once did, putting us first). I got their blessing and we were both happy.
Truthfully I was really happy as well. I thought I was getting my life back. She talked about the future, moving back in, getting a family doctor, the whole deal.
Her family told me they had my back, that they would even cut her off financially to influence her to me. I declined that offer because I don’t want someone to only be with me for money. She has shown me houses, talked about redecorating rooms in my home. But still I sleep alone. I told her all she had to do was spend 1 week with me and we’d go buy the ring. I feel so slimy saying that because it sounds like I’m buying love but for an entire year we had an incredible relationship where we were both involved. Even financially she’d do her part. It was never just me spending money. Now that is all it is.
I told her I felt like a sugar daddy. I despise this feeling. I despise her friends saying I’m manipulative. I just want the person I love to have the best. My texts don’t get responses unless she feels attacked. She told me she needed a week to get better. To detox from the drugs. I was told that I couldn’t text her. I offered to pay for her to go back to her Dr. But like all the other promises I’ve gotten these were empty too. And she went right back to the drugs.
I’ve tried to give her everything she’s wanted. The life she dreamed of with me is within her arms reach but helping out her mentally Ill friends and being used by them is somehow more attractive. Them treating her poorly is better than an easy life with me. Her own family is telling her she isn’t good enough for me, that she’s throwing everything away. But it doesn’t change anything.
All she talks about is her friends problems, when I bring up how I’m struggling “everything isn’t about you”. This week will be 2 months since she walked out. She claims “everything isn’t on my time” I’m aware, painfully aware.
submitted by Mundane_Camel_2175 to BipolarSOs [link] [comments]
I bought her the dream pet she wanted. Over the past month she’s taken care of it 2 times and I’ve been stuck with it every day. I simply don’t have the time to take care of an infant animal alone. After a day of shopping and completely redoing her wardrobe buying whatever she wanted, having a store employee walk her through store, catering to her every need, getting her the absolute best. I get a hint of affection, I get taken to a jewelry store and shown what style of ring she wants. Immediately I’m taken to her family and pushed to ask for their blessing. I did, I was honest with them that I needed to see some changes (ie: actually showing love like she once did, putting us first). I got their blessing and we were both happy.
Truthfully I was really happy as well. I thought I was getting my life back. She talked about the future, moving back in, getting a family doctor, the whole deal.
Her family told me they had my back, that they would even cut her off financially to influence her to me. I declined that offer because I don’t want someone to only be with me for money. She has shown me houses, talked about redecorating rooms in my home. But still I sleep alone. I told her all she had to do was spend 1 week with me and we’d go buy the ring. I feel so slimy saying that because it sounds like I’m buying love but for an entire year we had an incredible relationship where we were both involved. Even financially she’d do her part. It was never just me spending money. Now that is all it is.
I told her I felt like a sugar daddy. I despise this feeling. I despise her friends saying I’m manipulative. I just want the person I love to have the best. My texts don’t get responses unless she feels attacked. She told me she needed a week to get better. To detox from the drugs. I was told that I couldn’t text her. I offered to pay for her to go back to her Dr. But like all the other promises I’ve gotten these were empty too. And she went right back to the drugs.
I’ve tried to give her everything she’s wanted. The life she dreamed of with me is within her arms reach but helping out her mentally Ill friends and being used by them is somehow more attractive. Them treating her poorly is better than an easy life with me. Her own family is telling her she isn’t good enough for me, that she’s throwing everything away. But it doesn’t change anything.
All she talks about is her friends problems, when I bring up how I’m struggling “everything isn’t about you”. This week will be 2 months since she walked out. She claims “everything isn’t on my time” I’m aware, painfully aware.
2023.06.02 01:07 Decent_Muffin8945 My best friend (28M) said he liked me (29F) and pursued me, then said he wasn't ready. Pls help.
Okay a bit to this story. Looking for some honest advice.
I (29F) recently dated a guy who had been my best friend (28M) for years. He made the first move and admitted he liked me, and he was going to be in my city the following week, so we decided to see how it would go. We went out for dinner, and one date turned in to a week of being inseperable. He asked me to see him every night and put off plans with his friends for me. The banter, the butterflies, the s*x.. I felt like I was in a god damn movie.
For context, he knew I wasn't looking for something casual. I've been burnt a lot in the past by men, and he knew that. I've been single for years and he's about 10 months out of his break up, so we didn't want to rush things. He said he was over it but wasnt sure if he was ready for a relationship just yet, which was fine as I wasnt ready either at the time. He lives a few hours away so we knew it would be long distance for a while but we were both committed to giving it a go, and both agreed to be exclusive.
He rained all the compliments on me, told me things like "I don't want to f*ck this up", "I've found my diamond", "you're a dream", "you are wifey material", "I see my future when I look in to your eyes". He also bumped in to his ex before seeing me on his last night, but said he knew in that moment that it was me he wanted. He said all the things a girl wants to hear. We had a great physical and emotional connection. My feelings really grew over the week and I told him that I do like him, and want to keep seeing him. But he started acting distant on the last day he was here, and then when he went home he was really dismissive about seeing me again, and was really hot and cold. His actions werent matching with what he had been saying to me all week.
I felt so confused so I asked where I stood and he dumped the "I'm not ready at this point. Not saying I won't ever be but I'm not ready yet" then says he still really likes me and has 0 intentions of pursuing anything else. I got so many mixed signals 🥺 especially because he was the one who pursued this and then when my feelings matched his, he got scared and pushed me away.
I told him I will not wait for him, that him saying these things felt like I was being led on. He thinks being exclusive only meant not sleeping with other people and didn't understand it was the step before a relationship. He said he can't give me what I want because he's not in the same city. Looking back now, I think he was just saying whatever he could to get me in bed for his fun week away. As if he was only after a f*ck buddy and someone to talk to, even though he knew I didn't want that.
He let me walk away so easily and didn't fight for it at all. I feel so mind f*cked and genuinely didn't think a friend would treat me this way. I think this hurts more than any guy in the past, because he knew what I wanted and would always say I deserved the best.
He sold me a dream and then got scared. Idk if hes holding back the truth, but he couldnt give me any answer on what I had done, what about me is missing for him. I feel so lost. I miss him. I just want to talk to him like it used to be. I'm devastated that I didn't mean as much to him as he said.
Any honest advice for how to navigate this and heal? Why are men like this? It's honestly not the first time it's happened and It's getting to the point where I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone.
submitted by Decent_Muffin8945 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I (29F) recently dated a guy who had been my best friend (28M) for years. He made the first move and admitted he liked me, and he was going to be in my city the following week, so we decided to see how it would go. We went out for dinner, and one date turned in to a week of being inseperable. He asked me to see him every night and put off plans with his friends for me. The banter, the butterflies, the s*x.. I felt like I was in a god damn movie.
For context, he knew I wasn't looking for something casual. I've been burnt a lot in the past by men, and he knew that. I've been single for years and he's about 10 months out of his break up, so we didn't want to rush things. He said he was over it but wasnt sure if he was ready for a relationship just yet, which was fine as I wasnt ready either at the time. He lives a few hours away so we knew it would be long distance for a while but we were both committed to giving it a go, and both agreed to be exclusive.
He rained all the compliments on me, told me things like "I don't want to f*ck this up", "I've found my diamond", "you're a dream", "you are wifey material", "I see my future when I look in to your eyes". He also bumped in to his ex before seeing me on his last night, but said he knew in that moment that it was me he wanted. He said all the things a girl wants to hear. We had a great physical and emotional connection. My feelings really grew over the week and I told him that I do like him, and want to keep seeing him. But he started acting distant on the last day he was here, and then when he went home he was really dismissive about seeing me again, and was really hot and cold. His actions werent matching with what he had been saying to me all week.
I felt so confused so I asked where I stood and he dumped the "I'm not ready at this point. Not saying I won't ever be but I'm not ready yet" then says he still really likes me and has 0 intentions of pursuing anything else. I got so many mixed signals 🥺 especially because he was the one who pursued this and then when my feelings matched his, he got scared and pushed me away.
I told him I will not wait for him, that him saying these things felt like I was being led on. He thinks being exclusive only meant not sleeping with other people and didn't understand it was the step before a relationship. He said he can't give me what I want because he's not in the same city. Looking back now, I think he was just saying whatever he could to get me in bed for his fun week away. As if he was only after a f*ck buddy and someone to talk to, even though he knew I didn't want that.
He let me walk away so easily and didn't fight for it at all. I feel so mind f*cked and genuinely didn't think a friend would treat me this way. I think this hurts more than any guy in the past, because he knew what I wanted and would always say I deserved the best.
He sold me a dream and then got scared. Idk if hes holding back the truth, but he couldnt give me any answer on what I had done, what about me is missing for him. I feel so lost. I miss him. I just want to talk to him like it used to be. I'm devastated that I didn't mean as much to him as he said.
Any honest advice for how to navigate this and heal? Why are men like this? It's honestly not the first time it's happened and It's getting to the point where I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone.
2023.06.02 01:07 Traditional-Elk-7508 Feeling like shit after my gf told her friends about my kink.
It took me (22M) a long time to come to terms with this but I have a very strong mommy kink. (TL;DR I grew up with an emotionally absent mother and today I like women who treat me like shit. Yes I am currently in therapy.)
My GF (27F) and I have been together for seven months. Initially I was too nervous and ashamed to tell her about my kink. At the same time neglecting my desires left me sexually unfulfilled. However I started to trust her more as we continued to experiment and explore in the bedroom.
A couple months into our relationship I explained my kink to her and we incorporated it into our sex life. For the first time I truly ‘let go’ and let my guard down.
Like I said…I deeply trusted her. But after a while her (female) friends started to make odd comments and jokes. It was clear to me that they knew more about my relationship than they let on. But I was in denial mode.
At first I just ignored them. However one evening we went to the beach and one of her friends got drunk. This friend jokingly said that she still doesn’t understand how a “big, tough guy” like me has a mommy kink. (Btw at the time my GF was swimming and wasn’t made aware of the incident til later). To say I was shocked is an understatement. This information was clearly supposed to be kept secret as the girls told her to shut up and apologized to me. I just denied it and decided to go home early.
Later on I received a text from another friend of hers who tried to reassure me but it just made everything worse.
I cannot describe the level of betrayal/embarrassment I feel. I don’t understand why she told them about our sex life in the first place. I don’t know how many of her friends know. We had plenty of arguments and she said that I have nothing to worry about as her friends aren’t judgmental anyway. I told her that she humiliated me by breaching my trust and therefore cannot trust her again. She claims that I just need to “relax” and realize that I’m overreacting to the whole situation. She even said that I’m being dramatic for being angry as her friends think my kink is “cute” anyway.
Any useful advice? I love her and she’s not perfect but Im not sure I can eve trust her again.
submitted by Traditional-Elk-7508 to sex [link] [comments]
My GF (27F) and I have been together for seven months. Initially I was too nervous and ashamed to tell her about my kink. At the same time neglecting my desires left me sexually unfulfilled. However I started to trust her more as we continued to experiment and explore in the bedroom.
A couple months into our relationship I explained my kink to her and we incorporated it into our sex life. For the first time I truly ‘let go’ and let my guard down.
Like I said…I deeply trusted her. But after a while her (female) friends started to make odd comments and jokes. It was clear to me that they knew more about my relationship than they let on. But I was in denial mode.
At first I just ignored them. However one evening we went to the beach and one of her friends got drunk. This friend jokingly said that she still doesn’t understand how a “big, tough guy” like me has a mommy kink. (Btw at the time my GF was swimming and wasn’t made aware of the incident til later). To say I was shocked is an understatement. This information was clearly supposed to be kept secret as the girls told her to shut up and apologized to me. I just denied it and decided to go home early.
Later on I received a text from another friend of hers who tried to reassure me but it just made everything worse.
I cannot describe the level of betrayal/embarrassment I feel. I don’t understand why she told them about our sex life in the first place. I don’t know how many of her friends know. We had plenty of arguments and she said that I have nothing to worry about as her friends aren’t judgmental anyway. I told her that she humiliated me by breaching my trust and therefore cannot trust her again. She claims that I just need to “relax” and realize that I’m overreacting to the whole situation. She even said that I’m being dramatic for being angry as her friends think my kink is “cute” anyway.
Any useful advice? I love her and she’s not perfect but Im not sure I can eve trust her again.
2023.06.02 01:07 JoshAsdvgi The Four Tests
 | submitted by JoshAsdvgi to Native_Stories [link] [comments] The Four Tests After a while a messenger from the Divine People approached and asked to be told whether the Indians would accept a challenge to a diving contest, the defeated to lose their lives. This was agreed to, and Blue Jay was selected to dive for the Chinooks. He had taken the precaution of placing some bushes in his canoe, which he threw into the water before diving with his opponent, a woman. When his breath gave out he came to the surface, concealing his head under the floating bushes. Then he sank into the water again, and cried to his opponent: "Where are you?" "Here I am," she replied. Four times did Blue Jay cunningly come up for breath, hidden beneath the bushes, and on diving for the last time he found the woman against whom he was pitted lying at the bottom of the sea, almost unconscious. He took his club, which he had concealed beneath his blanket, and struck her on the nape of the neck. Then he rose and claimed the victory. The Supernatural People, much chagrined, suggested a climbing contest, to which Blue Jay readily agreed, but he was warned that if he was beaten he would be dashed to pieces. He placed upright a piece of ice which was so high that it reached the clouds. The Supernaturals matched a chipmunk against him. When the competitors had reached a certain height Blue Jay grew tired, so he used his wings and flew upward. The chipmunk kept her eyes closed and did not notice the deception. Blue Jay hit her on the neck with his club, so that she fell, and Blue Jay was adjudged the winner. A shooting match was next proposed by the exasperated Supernaturals, in which the persons engaged were to shoot at one another. This the Chinooks won by taking a beaver as their champion and tying a millstone in front of him. A sweating match was also won by the Chinooks taking ice with them into the superheated caves where the contest took place. As a last effort to shame the Chinooks the Divine People suggested that the two chiefs should engage in a whale-catching contest. This was agreed to, and the Supernatural chief's wife, after warning them, placed Blue Jay and Robin under her armpits to keep them quiet. As they descended to the beach, she said to her brother: "Four whales will pass you, but do not harpoon any until the fifth appears." Robin did as he was bid, but the woman had a hard time in keeping the curious Blue Jay hidden. The four whales passed, but the young chief took no heed. Then the fifth slid by. He thrust his harpoon deep into its blubber, and cast it ashore. The Supernatural chief was unsuccessful in his attempts, and so the Chinooks won again. On the result being known Blue Jay could no longer be restrained, and, falling from under the woman's arm, he was drowned. On setting out for home the chief was advised to tie Robin's blanket to a magical rope with which his sister provided him. When the Chinooks were in the middle of the ocean the Supernatural People raised a great storm to encompass their destruction. But the charm the chief's sister had given them proved efficacious, and they reached their own land in safety. |
2023.06.02 01:07 Significant_Tear_336 CT drivers, car accident in NY, will insurance cover or are they at risk of denial?
(Throwaway) friends of mine were involved in a 4-5 car accident going from CT to NY, accident occurred on NY side. Apparently 1 of the cars waiting on the left lane to turn left only decided to move into right lane and go straight, right as they were passing by on that same right lane. The car going from left lane to right lane hit them in the back, causing my friend’s car to spin and hit 2 other vehicles and the barrier and one of those vehicles then hit another. Everyone is ok. BUT my friend who is the vehicle owner and had full coverage wasn’t driving, their SO was. Their SO just got their DL, is not on the policy, uses marijuana regularly both recreational and medicinal (legal in CT, medicinal legal in NY) car stinks of it, and is on prescription methadone. Also SO has several criminal charges in the past that they have been trying to clean up. Car that hit them fled the scene, no one saw it, no one knows what car it was. So, I’m concerned for my friend whom hasn’t really thought of these as potential issues. Could insurance look at this and potentially deny coverage based on my friend’s SO’s many issues? I won’t be able to sleep thinking my friend could lose everything because they let their SO drive their car.
submitted by Significant_Tear_336 to Insurance [link] [comments]
2023.06.02 01:07 AutoModerator [Bundle] Iman Gadzhi Courses (here)
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submitted by AutoModerator to GiveMeImanGadzhi [link] [comments]
I have all Iman Gadzhi courses (Agency Navigator, Agency Incubator, Copy Paste Agency).
Iman Gadzhi’s courses are one of the best products on how to start a marketing agency and how to grow it.
Iman Gadzhi - Agency Navigator includes over 50 hours of step-by-step training covering EVERY aspect of building an agency from scratch. This is almost a plug & play system with enough success stories to back it up! Signing clients, running Facebook ads, building out your team, on-boarding clients, invoicing, sales... this course has everything covered for you.
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2023.06.02 01:06 cocoarican What can I do if a house I am newly renting isn’t ready by the set move in date? (North Carolina)
As the title states above, I recently started a lease with a company who said the house would be ready by today 06/01.
Now when we first viewed the home there was a broken door, the house was a mess, and few other things and we were told this would all be fixed/cleaned prior to or by our move in date. The day has come and none of the issues have been fixed and after exploring the house some more we’ve come to realize there is also no water heatehot water AND the a/c is broken/disconnected.
My lease for my original place is already ending tomorrow. What can I do? Are they legally responsible to put me at another property until the work is done? Can I break the lease and get my money back so I can move in somewhere else? I’d appreciate any advice. This is my first time renting a home and so far it’s been miserable..
I’m living in North Carolina if that helps as well. Thanks!
submitted by cocoarican to legaladvice [link] [comments]
Now when we first viewed the home there was a broken door, the house was a mess, and few other things and we were told this would all be fixed/cleaned prior to or by our move in date. The day has come and none of the issues have been fixed and after exploring the house some more we’ve come to realize there is also no water heatehot water AND the a/c is broken/disconnected.
My lease for my original place is already ending tomorrow. What can I do? Are they legally responsible to put me at another property until the work is done? Can I break the lease and get my money back so I can move in somewhere else? I’d appreciate any advice. This is my first time renting a home and so far it’s been miserable..
I’m living in North Carolina if that helps as well. Thanks!
2023.06.02 01:06 frg1013 Finally caught one in the wild
 | submitted by frg1013 to beetlejuicing [link] [comments] |
2023.06.02 01:06 sosospritely Synastry: Taylor Alison Swift & Matthew Timothy Healy (Harmony: 64.42)
Mercury (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Sun (Taylor Alison Swift) – (Orb: 1.06) * Creative power urge harmonizes with mental urge. * Good mental understanding and probably many common interests are denoted by this aspect. * Agreement and collaboration are easy to attain. * Sun (Taylor) can influence Mercury (Matthew)’s viewpoints as well as encourage and stimulate Mercury (Matthew)’s ideas and intellectual progress. * Mercury (Matthew) understands Sun (Taylor) and understanding always aids agreement and adjustment.
Venus (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Sun (Taylor Alison Swift) – (Orb: 2.13) * Creative power urge harmonizes with social or love urge. * This aspect indicates an emotional attraction born of sympathy, social conviviality, and mutual tastes and interests. * Here you have a magnetic attraction. * This is an aspect of affection, friendship, companionship, generosity, devotion, loyalty, unselfishness toward each other, mutual admiration and encouragement. * This aspect is very good for domestic felicity and fidelity in marriage. * You are mutually inspiring and encouraging and cooperative. * The convivial and social interests are usually in agreement, thus affording enjoyment of the same pleasures.
Sun (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Sun (Taylor Alison Swift) – (Orb: 2.98) * Creative power urges harmonize easily. * Temperaments adjust readily. * There is mutual sympathy and understanding of ideals and aims. * This aspect is favorable for any and all relationships. * This position is usually good for marriage.
Venus (Taylor Alison Swift) TRINE Jupiter (Matthew Timothy Healy) - (Orb: 3.01) * This aspect denotes mutual helpfulness and mutual benefit. * You are generous towards each other. * You enjoy the same past-times and cultural things. * This aspect stimulates optimism, self-confidence, and good health in both of you. * There is mutual consideration, sympathy, and encouragement. * It is conducive to development along artistic, ethical, or spiritual lines in one or both of you.
Saturn (Taylor Alison Swift) TRINE Moon (Matthew Timothy Healy) - (Orb: 4.95) * Saturn (Taylor) steadies Moon (Matthew) and Moon (Matthew) enlarges the ideas of Saturn (Taylor). * The emotions of Moon (Matthew) are stabilized by Saturn (Taylor). * Saturn (Taylor) will be dependable and steadfast toward Moon (Matthew). * Saturn (Taylor) can counsel Moon (Matthew), for there is usually mutual respect. * Saturn (Taylor) brings out the conservative qualities in Moon (Matthew). * In marriage, this aspect furthers domestic tranquility, order in the home, and agreement in regard to management of money.
Sun (Matthew Timothy Healy) SQUARE Saturn (Taylor Alison Swift) - (Orb: 4.97) * Here Saturn (Taylor)’s ideas of security, stability, duty, economy and responsibility will conflict with the optimism, ambition and confidence in Sun (Matthew). * Saturn (Taylor) restricts, delays, or frustrates Sun (Matthew). * Saturn (Taylor) will worry, burden, limit, discipline, hinder, discourage, or depress Sun (Matthew), if not in words or action, then through the experiences of your association. * Saturn (Taylor) pressures Sun (Matthew). * Saturn (Taylor) can limit or will interfere with Sun (Matthew) in some way, bringing Sun (Matthew) numerous debts or burdens or problems to be solved. * Saturn (Taylor), you may tear down Sun (Matthew)'s hope and confidence. This may not be intentional, but due to experiences or to your own disposition. * Sun (Matthew)'s ambitions are delayed in realization because of problems or responsibilities which Saturn (Taylor) brings into the relationship. * This square often produces setbacks or losses in business, as well as in marriage.
Mercury (Taylor Alison Swift) SEXTILE Pluto (Matthew Timothy Healy) - (Orb: 5.87) * The experiences the two of you have together will stimulate Mercury (Taylor)'s mind and bring changes in both your lives. * Much contact together will broaden your viewpoints or expand your range of interests, especially in Mercury (Taylor). * Pluto (Matthew)'s influence on Mercury (Taylor) is stronger than Mercury (Taylor)'s on Pluto (Matthew). * Pluto (Matthew) may try to dominate Mercury (Taylor)'s mind and, if so, could be ruthless.
Pluto (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Jupiter (Taylor Alison Swift) - (Orb: 6.82) * This aspect encourages philanthropic interests and efforts, character improvements, and spiritual evolvement in the two of you. * It also stimulates increase and abundance in material ways. * It encourages large-scale interests and enlarging your fields of expression and general progress.
Moon (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Neptune (Taylor Alison Swift) - (Orb: 7.06) * This aspect indicates a psychic tie. * You are unusually sensitive to each other's moods and feelings. * There is often a telepathic communication between you. * There is much sympathy between you. * Neptune (Taylor) may seem a bit aloof to Moon (Matthew) at times. * This aspect can indicate much mutual inspiration, and in high-type individuals, spiritual accord and mutual devotion. * There is much consolation and comfort. * Any interest in mysticism or the occult study in either of you will be brought out and increased by this aspect
Neptune (Taylor Alison Swift) SQUARE Sun (Matthew Timothy Healy) - (Orb: 7.09) * Power urge clashes with escape urge. * Neptune (Taylor) will exhibit elusive, evasive, deceptive qualities in reaction toward Sun (Matthew). * Sun (Matthew) is baffled by Neptune (Taylor). * There is a lack of trust between you two. * Neptune (Taylor) can be misleading, appearing submissive, but subtly eluding the influence of Sun (Matthew). * This aspect is difficult in marriage as it breeds misunderstanding, confusion, doubt, deception and distrust in one or both of you.
Venus (Matthew Timothy Healy) SQUARE Neptune (Taylor Alison Swift) - (Orb: 7.93) * There may be attraction between the two of you or perhaps a one-sided attraction. * Much sympathy and compassion are aroused, but there is also likely to be a certain amount of confusion, deception, even evasion on the part of one or both of you. * Venus (Matthew), you would be wise to make Neptune (Taylor) prove all that Neptune (Taylor) says about Neptune (Taylor) before submitting to a close association. * This is an adverse aspect for business or financial associations, as there can be misconceptions and misunderstandings or deceptions or fraud. * Venus (Matthew), you will probably get the worst end of this aspect, regardless of your or Neptune (Taylor)'s respective integrity. * Neptune (Taylor) can be disturbing to Venus (Matthew)'s affections. Neptune (Taylor), you can mislead or deceive or entice or confuse Venus (Matthew), even though your intentions may be honorable
submitted by sosospritely to tatty [link] [comments]
Venus (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Sun (Taylor Alison Swift) – (Orb: 2.13) * Creative power urge harmonizes with social or love urge. * This aspect indicates an emotional attraction born of sympathy, social conviviality, and mutual tastes and interests. * Here you have a magnetic attraction. * This is an aspect of affection, friendship, companionship, generosity, devotion, loyalty, unselfishness toward each other, mutual admiration and encouragement. * This aspect is very good for domestic felicity and fidelity in marriage. * You are mutually inspiring and encouraging and cooperative. * The convivial and social interests are usually in agreement, thus affording enjoyment of the same pleasures.
Sun (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Sun (Taylor Alison Swift) – (Orb: 2.98) * Creative power urges harmonize easily. * Temperaments adjust readily. * There is mutual sympathy and understanding of ideals and aims. * This aspect is favorable for any and all relationships. * This position is usually good for marriage.
Venus (Taylor Alison Swift) TRINE Jupiter (Matthew Timothy Healy) - (Orb: 3.01) * This aspect denotes mutual helpfulness and mutual benefit. * You are generous towards each other. * You enjoy the same past-times and cultural things. * This aspect stimulates optimism, self-confidence, and good health in both of you. * There is mutual consideration, sympathy, and encouragement. * It is conducive to development along artistic, ethical, or spiritual lines in one or both of you.
Saturn (Taylor Alison Swift) TRINE Moon (Matthew Timothy Healy) - (Orb: 4.95) * Saturn (Taylor) steadies Moon (Matthew) and Moon (Matthew) enlarges the ideas of Saturn (Taylor). * The emotions of Moon (Matthew) are stabilized by Saturn (Taylor). * Saturn (Taylor) will be dependable and steadfast toward Moon (Matthew). * Saturn (Taylor) can counsel Moon (Matthew), for there is usually mutual respect. * Saturn (Taylor) brings out the conservative qualities in Moon (Matthew). * In marriage, this aspect furthers domestic tranquility, order in the home, and agreement in regard to management of money.
Sun (Matthew Timothy Healy) SQUARE Saturn (Taylor Alison Swift) - (Orb: 4.97) * Here Saturn (Taylor)’s ideas of security, stability, duty, economy and responsibility will conflict with the optimism, ambition and confidence in Sun (Matthew). * Saturn (Taylor) restricts, delays, or frustrates Sun (Matthew). * Saturn (Taylor) will worry, burden, limit, discipline, hinder, discourage, or depress Sun (Matthew), if not in words or action, then through the experiences of your association. * Saturn (Taylor) pressures Sun (Matthew). * Saturn (Taylor) can limit or will interfere with Sun (Matthew) in some way, bringing Sun (Matthew) numerous debts or burdens or problems to be solved. * Saturn (Taylor), you may tear down Sun (Matthew)'s hope and confidence. This may not be intentional, but due to experiences or to your own disposition. * Sun (Matthew)'s ambitions are delayed in realization because of problems or responsibilities which Saturn (Taylor) brings into the relationship. * This square often produces setbacks or losses in business, as well as in marriage.
Mercury (Taylor Alison Swift) SEXTILE Pluto (Matthew Timothy Healy) - (Orb: 5.87) * The experiences the two of you have together will stimulate Mercury (Taylor)'s mind and bring changes in both your lives. * Much contact together will broaden your viewpoints or expand your range of interests, especially in Mercury (Taylor). * Pluto (Matthew)'s influence on Mercury (Taylor) is stronger than Mercury (Taylor)'s on Pluto (Matthew). * Pluto (Matthew) may try to dominate Mercury (Taylor)'s mind and, if so, could be ruthless.
Pluto (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Jupiter (Taylor Alison Swift) - (Orb: 6.82) * This aspect encourages philanthropic interests and efforts, character improvements, and spiritual evolvement in the two of you. * It also stimulates increase and abundance in material ways. * It encourages large-scale interests and enlarging your fields of expression and general progress.
Moon (Matthew Timothy Healy) TRINE Neptune (Taylor Alison Swift) - (Orb: 7.06) * This aspect indicates a psychic tie. * You are unusually sensitive to each other's moods and feelings. * There is often a telepathic communication between you. * There is much sympathy between you. * Neptune (Taylor) may seem a bit aloof to Moon (Matthew) at times. * This aspect can indicate much mutual inspiration, and in high-type individuals, spiritual accord and mutual devotion. * There is much consolation and comfort. * Any interest in mysticism or the occult study in either of you will be brought out and increased by this aspect
Neptune (Taylor Alison Swift) SQUARE Sun (Matthew Timothy Healy) - (Orb: 7.09) * Power urge clashes with escape urge. * Neptune (Taylor) will exhibit elusive, evasive, deceptive qualities in reaction toward Sun (Matthew). * Sun (Matthew) is baffled by Neptune (Taylor). * There is a lack of trust between you two. * Neptune (Taylor) can be misleading, appearing submissive, but subtly eluding the influence of Sun (Matthew). * This aspect is difficult in marriage as it breeds misunderstanding, confusion, doubt, deception and distrust in one or both of you.
Venus (Matthew Timothy Healy) SQUARE Neptune (Taylor Alison Swift) - (Orb: 7.93) * There may be attraction between the two of you or perhaps a one-sided attraction. * Much sympathy and compassion are aroused, but there is also likely to be a certain amount of confusion, deception, even evasion on the part of one or both of you. * Venus (Matthew), you would be wise to make Neptune (Taylor) prove all that Neptune (Taylor) says about Neptune (Taylor) before submitting to a close association. * This is an adverse aspect for business or financial associations, as there can be misconceptions and misunderstandings or deceptions or fraud. * Venus (Matthew), you will probably get the worst end of this aspect, regardless of your or Neptune (Taylor)'s respective integrity. * Neptune (Taylor) can be disturbing to Venus (Matthew)'s affections. Neptune (Taylor), you can mislead or deceive or entice or confuse Venus (Matthew), even though your intentions may be honorable
2023.06.02 01:05 RooftopKor Is Standard Battery Pack enough?
I had a chance to participate in a demo drive for R1T. It was a great experience though I am more interested in R1S I get to experience the Rivian engineering which was unique.
I want to ask if there’s any R1T or S owners here with standard battery pack in their vehicle. Is it enough? Do you regret not getting the large pack battery? What made you decide to configure your vehicle with standard battery pack?
I am leaning towards the standard battery pack because of two reasons 1. Price- with the right configuration I can hit under $80k and qualify for CO tax credit of refundable $5k 2. My wife and I both work from home but I am considering R1S because our current car is too small to accommodate my 13mo daughter and her stuff.
260mile range seems pretty low but I want to hear current owners experience with standard battery pack.
submitted by RooftopKor to Rivian [link] [comments]
I want to ask if there’s any R1T or S owners here with standard battery pack in their vehicle. Is it enough? Do you regret not getting the large pack battery? What made you decide to configure your vehicle with standard battery pack?
I am leaning towards the standard battery pack because of two reasons 1. Price- with the right configuration I can hit under $80k and qualify for CO tax credit of refundable $5k 2. My wife and I both work from home but I am considering R1S because our current car is too small to accommodate my 13mo daughter and her stuff.
260mile range seems pretty low but I want to hear current owners experience with standard battery pack.
2023.06.02 01:05 tombah99 It would have been 8 years in October
Over Memorial Day weekend, I caught my (27M) girlfriend (28F) cheating on me. I have a lot on my mind so this is going to be a long one... apologies in advance. I want to talk about the night it all went down, the days since, and life going forward.
Context:
I have been with my (likely soon to be ex) girlfriend for nearly 8 years. We met in college at a party and never looked back. Our relationship was never the most exciting or passionate, but we loved each other.
I will be the first to admit I was not a perfect partner. I struggled with alcohol and we both smoked a fair bit of marijuana through college and our early 20s. I also struggled greatly with depression and anxiety. Despite these issues, I always held down a job and paid the bills. We also rarely fought.
I have made great strides in my life to put these issues behind me. I am completely sober and have worked very hard to become the best future husband and father I can be for our family.
Over the years we built a life together. We both graduated college, moved to the big city, and began our careers. We have 2 dogs (luckily no kids) and live in a nice house in a nice suburb that we split rent on. Our lives are integrated. She is a part of my family and I am a part of hers. We have lived together for years and have shared expenses.
We are not engaged yet but I have had a ring for several months now. I had not proposed because I felt there were cracks in our relationship that I wanted to work on before taking that next step. I had tried to have conversations about these issues but was never met with any meaningful dialogue or action.
"D-day":
I think the story of my D-day actually start a couple weeks before it actually happened. One day before work, I had asked my GF (I'll call her J) if she could please clean her dishes in the sink and clean up her pile of laundry in the bathroom. No demands or anything, just "please, I'd appreciate it". J blew up at me. "Do you know how long you were a mess and I put up with it??". I was hurt but at this point I needed to leave for work so I said we need to talk later and headed out the door. I gathered my thoughts during the day and came home a little early from work. We sat down and I laid out the following points:
1. Please stop using the past against me. I know I wasn't perfect but I've worked very hard to become a better person. I cannot be in a relationship where my partner will hold my darkest days over my head to win an argument.
2. J works the nightshift and I have struggled with this in the past. We don't see each other very often as our schedules are completely opposite. She was open to changing to the day shift in the past but recently has hardened her stance. Recently, she has been sleeping a LOT on her days off. I understand nightshift is brutal on one's sleep schedule but it was getting to the point where she would only be awake 4-6 hours on her days off. These few hours she was awake she would lay on the couch and watch TV. It made having a relationship difficult, and it also meant her share of house duties was falling behind (leaving her dishes in the sink, her clothes all over the place, etc).
3. Sex. Our sex life has never been great. I have been open about my desire to improve things, have worked on myself to be an attractive partner, and have tried to discuss her wants and needs as well. There was never any progress.
During this conversation, I asked for her thoughts and feelings on each topic. I desperately wanted an actual dialogue but she was giving me nothing. Ultimately, she said she needed time to think about what I said. Since the conversation, I had not seen her hardly seen her at all. She had been gone almost a week on a hiking trip with some co-workers that had been planned for a while. Then because of work there was another week of not really seeing each other.
Friday night, J asks if I want to go to a birthday dinner for a family friend on Saturday. I had plans that required me to be up early on Sunday, so I said probably not as I knew she would want to stay and hang out late with them. She swore she would not as she had work on Sunday. I only half believed her, but agreed to go because I knew it'd make her happy.
Towards the end of dinner I go to the restroom and when I come back, what always happens happened. "Would you be ok if I actually went out? I won't be out much later" She asked in front of the entire group so I said "sure, you can do what you want" A few minutes later off to the side, I let her know I was upset that she went back on her word but she was un-phased. She promised she wouldn't be out very late and I believed her as the group was primarily mid-30s people with young kids. One of the other people at the birthday dinner assured me they would give her a ride home.
I drove home alone and the anger built. I typed out a long text about how I was hurt that she didn't come home with me like she said she would, but ultimately deleted it before sending. I didn't want to needlessly make her night worse and told myself we would talk in the morning. I go to bed.
2AM I wake up to go pee. She isn't there. I check my phone and she hasn't texted me at all either. We share locations with each other so I check and it's not loading so I am getting a bit worried for her safety at this point.
I call her and she picks up "Hello?" "Hey J where are you??" "Oh I decided to sleep over at family friend's house" This alone wasn't concerning as the family friends were a married couple with young children. We have known them for years and it was not unusual for her to spend the night there after going out with them.
At this point my concern quickly turns back to anger because not only did she lie to me again about coming home early, she didn't even text me to let me know her plans changed. I told J to get an Uber and come home, we need to talk. She was annoyed and let me know it but I didn't care. She told me she would order an Uber.
Nearly 30 minutes had passed and I had not heard from her. I check her location again to see if she's on her way. Unlike before, it does load this time. Not only was she not on the way back, she was at a house I didn't recognize. I call her back "Hey I thought you said you were ordering an Uber and coming home? Also where are you? Your location is showing you at some house I've never seen".
She sticks to her story. She is at family friend's. She has no idea why her location is showing the other house, because she is definitely at family friend's. I'm uneasy at this point but still haven't jumped to any conclusions. Maybe it was a glitch. Seemed to be pretty far away from where she was claiming to be for a glitch and it also hadn't moved at all in a while... but whatever, anything is possible I suppose.
I am asking her why she keeps lying to me. Lied about not going out in the first place, lied about how long she'd be gone, and lied about calling an Uber 30 minutes ago. She says the Uber is coming in 4 minutes and that she will call me when it picks her up because she doesn't want to argue with me in front of family friends.
I watch her location, expecting it to jump and correct itself once she starts moving. Instead, it moves exactly as if she was picked up in an Uber from that house. Whatever, she is on her way.
I go downstairs and wait for her to arrive. Once she does I ask what she did tonight. "I went to the bar and then to family friends". I ask her what she was doing at family friends. "Just talking. You know I stay there sometimes what's the big deal?". I ask what on earth they were talking until 2:30 in the morning. It just didn't make sense, they're a mid-30s married couple with young kids and full time jobs. Staying awake this late just to talk?
"Well we were talking about you for one" "Me? What about me" "For starters your psychotic behavior tonight."
I was mad sure but my behavior had been far from "psychotic". I never raised my voice and never accused her of anything. I demanded she come home sure but I felt I was justified in that.
From here she continues to say they talked about the discussion from 2 weeks ago. How I "attacked her" and "piled on her for no reason". I was shocked. I thought I had handled that conversation a couple weeks ago very maturely. I was actually proud of myself for taking time to gather my thoughts so that I could calmly lay them out when I got home. At this point however, I was questioning myself.
Did I dog pile her for no reason? Was the way I approached it an "attack"? My only thought was maybe it felt one sided because she refused to engage in any discussion. I asked why she could talk to other people about our relationship but not me.
It would never become clear however as she said she was done talking and was going to bed. I begged her to give me something, anything. I didn't care if her response was in the form of yelling at me. I just needed SOMETHING.
As she's walking up the stairs I ask her to explain why her location was at that house. The story was the same. She didn't know, she was at family friends house. I told her I want to believe her but I know what I saw with my own eyes. It just didn't make sense. I would have believed anything that plausibly put her at that house. "I was at family friends and that's that. If you don't believe me, the we have MUCH bigger problems"
That was that. I did trust her and so I accepted it and went up to join her in bed. There was a little voice in the back of my mind that knew what I saw but she wouldn't lie, she definitely wouldn't cheat.
As I am about to fall asleep, I sit up suddenly and say "J I have an idea" *half asleep* "what?" "Show me your Uber receipts. That will prove you're telling the truth, any small doubts I have will be gone and we can just move on from this. Now she seems to be completely asleep (almost certainly faking it looking back). I grab her phone from under her pillow and unlock it.
On the screen is a text thread to a guy I'll call Jake. There were only 2 messages. First from earlier in the evening "It's J". The kind of message you send when someone puts their number in your phone and you text them so they have your number now. Then one she forgot to send "Hey sorry about that... I made it home ok".
Even at this point, my naïve ass did not jump to cheating. I truly assumed it was probably someone who was also at the dinner and stayed the night at family friends. But then I saw the Uber receipt. It had picked her up from the house her location showed her at.
"J WAKE UP. YOU WERE AT THAT HOUSE. WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT HAPPENED?"
"It's what it looks like"
I asked how could she do this to me? Why would she do this to me? Nothing. Not a single sentence that could be considered a thoughtful response. Despite my demands to know what happened that night, she, as usual, gave me nothing. "It's over. You threw away an 8 year relationship. We were supposed to be together forever. You were supposed to be the mother of my children." Only after those words "It's over" did she show any remorse.
The very little information I did get out of her was:
-This was the first time
-I caught her before anything actually happened
I'm not sure I believe either. It also doesn't really matter to me. Interestingly, about a month prior she told me she had HPV. She assured me that monogamous people can get it. Based on the research I did, it seemed possible, so I didn't think much of it. Now I wonder...
The next few hours were an unproductive loop of various iterations of "How could you" and "I'm sorry I'll do anything to make it up".
Eventually it was 6am and I still had those plans that brought me home early the night before. A 7am tee time. So I left.
It was actually a blessing but I had already had pretty much a full day of plans with some friends. First was golf, then some time at the shooting range with another friend who was going to show me the ropes. These are close friends and I told them everything. They listened to me ramble all day and spent as much time as I needed.
Once I knew J had left for work, I decided it was time to go back home. I had been up since 2am and I was exhausted. I don't fall asleep until midnight. Awake for about 22 hours on the worst day of my life.
The Aftermath:
Honestly... not much happened after. I hurt. It is a deep, constant ache. It was not overwhelming pain like hearing a family member had died. No... just a constant, deep, ache.
I reached out to some more friends who have all been incredibly supportive. I am truly blessed to have the support system I do.
The people I really want to talk to, but haven't had the courage to call yet are my parents. I can't explain why, but I feel almost embarrassed. I also know that once I tell them, the relationship is 100% over with J. They will never see her the same, and she'll know it. I can't live with that tension my whole life.
While I am 99.9% sure this relationship is over, it's hard to say 100%. She was in my life for 8 years. It means a fundamental change to my life presently, and the entire future I had planned.
Work has been hard. I haven't gotten a lot done this week. I've been distracting myself by talking to my co-workers. Today though... I was the only one in the office. Seems everyone else happened to be working from home.
It was not a good day. I have been in my head replaying the events of the weekend and spiraling. Until this point I was weirdly ok. I think it's the first time I've been alone since it happened so all the feelings are coming out.
Going Forward:
I'm not sure what the future holds. I have a few short term plans:
1. STD test
2. Therapy
3. Talk to my parents and likely make a trip home
I also need to talk to J. While I repeatedly said it was over the night it all went down, I think it still needs to be made official. I have not seen J since that night. After work Sunday and Monday night, she has been home. I don't think she's left the house. However, I've been spending as much time away as possible and the little bit I am home, she is in the guest bedroom. I have not had the strength or desire to talk to her.
What I'm most scared of it my living situation and the dogs. While one dog is clearly mine and one is clearly hers, there's a part of me that worries she may do something crazy. I don't know what she's capable of anymore.
We are locked into this lease until February. I have re-read the lease and it seems were pretty much stuck. She has family in town she could stay with but I've got nowhere to go. While it wouldn't ruin me, it would certainly be financially painful if she stopped paying her half of the rent. Best case scenario seems to be we live as roommates and stay out of each other's way for 8 months... A pretty bleak best case scenario.
Once we do separate, there's going to be the challenge of divvying up the stuff. We own a lot of nice furniture together. That furniture probably wouldn't fit well into the apartments we'll likely have to move back into after this. It's all just so unclear at this point.
Conclusion:
If you've made it this far, thank you for listening. Just writing this was very cathartic. I am open to hearing advice on how I should proceed. Nothing in my life has prepared me for something like this.
submitted by tombah99 to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]
Context:
I have been with my (likely soon to be ex) girlfriend for nearly 8 years. We met in college at a party and never looked back. Our relationship was never the most exciting or passionate, but we loved each other.
I will be the first to admit I was not a perfect partner. I struggled with alcohol and we both smoked a fair bit of marijuana through college and our early 20s. I also struggled greatly with depression and anxiety. Despite these issues, I always held down a job and paid the bills. We also rarely fought.
I have made great strides in my life to put these issues behind me. I am completely sober and have worked very hard to become the best future husband and father I can be for our family.
Over the years we built a life together. We both graduated college, moved to the big city, and began our careers. We have 2 dogs (luckily no kids) and live in a nice house in a nice suburb that we split rent on. Our lives are integrated. She is a part of my family and I am a part of hers. We have lived together for years and have shared expenses.
We are not engaged yet but I have had a ring for several months now. I had not proposed because I felt there were cracks in our relationship that I wanted to work on before taking that next step. I had tried to have conversations about these issues but was never met with any meaningful dialogue or action.
"D-day":
I think the story of my D-day actually start a couple weeks before it actually happened. One day before work, I had asked my GF (I'll call her J) if she could please clean her dishes in the sink and clean up her pile of laundry in the bathroom. No demands or anything, just "please, I'd appreciate it". J blew up at me. "Do you know how long you were a mess and I put up with it??". I was hurt but at this point I needed to leave for work so I said we need to talk later and headed out the door. I gathered my thoughts during the day and came home a little early from work. We sat down and I laid out the following points:
1. Please stop using the past against me. I know I wasn't perfect but I've worked very hard to become a better person. I cannot be in a relationship where my partner will hold my darkest days over my head to win an argument.
2. J works the nightshift and I have struggled with this in the past. We don't see each other very often as our schedules are completely opposite. She was open to changing to the day shift in the past but recently has hardened her stance. Recently, she has been sleeping a LOT on her days off. I understand nightshift is brutal on one's sleep schedule but it was getting to the point where she would only be awake 4-6 hours on her days off. These few hours she was awake she would lay on the couch and watch TV. It made having a relationship difficult, and it also meant her share of house duties was falling behind (leaving her dishes in the sink, her clothes all over the place, etc).
3. Sex. Our sex life has never been great. I have been open about my desire to improve things, have worked on myself to be an attractive partner, and have tried to discuss her wants and needs as well. There was never any progress.
During this conversation, I asked for her thoughts and feelings on each topic. I desperately wanted an actual dialogue but she was giving me nothing. Ultimately, she said she needed time to think about what I said. Since the conversation, I had not seen her hardly seen her at all. She had been gone almost a week on a hiking trip with some co-workers that had been planned for a while. Then because of work there was another week of not really seeing each other.
Friday night, J asks if I want to go to a birthday dinner for a family friend on Saturday. I had plans that required me to be up early on Sunday, so I said probably not as I knew she would want to stay and hang out late with them. She swore she would not as she had work on Sunday. I only half believed her, but agreed to go because I knew it'd make her happy.
Towards the end of dinner I go to the restroom and when I come back, what always happens happened. "Would you be ok if I actually went out? I won't be out much later" She asked in front of the entire group so I said "sure, you can do what you want" A few minutes later off to the side, I let her know I was upset that she went back on her word but she was un-phased. She promised she wouldn't be out very late and I believed her as the group was primarily mid-30s people with young kids. One of the other people at the birthday dinner assured me they would give her a ride home.
I drove home alone and the anger built. I typed out a long text about how I was hurt that she didn't come home with me like she said she would, but ultimately deleted it before sending. I didn't want to needlessly make her night worse and told myself we would talk in the morning. I go to bed.
2AM I wake up to go pee. She isn't there. I check my phone and she hasn't texted me at all either. We share locations with each other so I check and it's not loading so I am getting a bit worried for her safety at this point.
I call her and she picks up "Hello?" "Hey J where are you??" "Oh I decided to sleep over at family friend's house" This alone wasn't concerning as the family friends were a married couple with young children. We have known them for years and it was not unusual for her to spend the night there after going out with them.
At this point my concern quickly turns back to anger because not only did she lie to me again about coming home early, she didn't even text me to let me know her plans changed. I told J to get an Uber and come home, we need to talk. She was annoyed and let me know it but I didn't care. She told me she would order an Uber.
Nearly 30 minutes had passed and I had not heard from her. I check her location again to see if she's on her way. Unlike before, it does load this time. Not only was she not on the way back, she was at a house I didn't recognize. I call her back "Hey I thought you said you were ordering an Uber and coming home? Also where are you? Your location is showing you at some house I've never seen".
She sticks to her story. She is at family friend's. She has no idea why her location is showing the other house, because she is definitely at family friend's. I'm uneasy at this point but still haven't jumped to any conclusions. Maybe it was a glitch. Seemed to be pretty far away from where she was claiming to be for a glitch and it also hadn't moved at all in a while... but whatever, anything is possible I suppose.
I am asking her why she keeps lying to me. Lied about not going out in the first place, lied about how long she'd be gone, and lied about calling an Uber 30 minutes ago. She says the Uber is coming in 4 minutes and that she will call me when it picks her up because she doesn't want to argue with me in front of family friends.
I watch her location, expecting it to jump and correct itself once she starts moving. Instead, it moves exactly as if she was picked up in an Uber from that house. Whatever, she is on her way.
I go downstairs and wait for her to arrive. Once she does I ask what she did tonight. "I went to the bar and then to family friends". I ask her what she was doing at family friends. "Just talking. You know I stay there sometimes what's the big deal?". I ask what on earth they were talking until 2:30 in the morning. It just didn't make sense, they're a mid-30s married couple with young kids and full time jobs. Staying awake this late just to talk?
"Well we were talking about you for one" "Me? What about me" "For starters your psychotic behavior tonight."
I was mad sure but my behavior had been far from "psychotic". I never raised my voice and never accused her of anything. I demanded she come home sure but I felt I was justified in that.
From here she continues to say they talked about the discussion from 2 weeks ago. How I "attacked her" and "piled on her for no reason". I was shocked. I thought I had handled that conversation a couple weeks ago very maturely. I was actually proud of myself for taking time to gather my thoughts so that I could calmly lay them out when I got home. At this point however, I was questioning myself.
Did I dog pile her for no reason? Was the way I approached it an "attack"? My only thought was maybe it felt one sided because she refused to engage in any discussion. I asked why she could talk to other people about our relationship but not me.
It would never become clear however as she said she was done talking and was going to bed. I begged her to give me something, anything. I didn't care if her response was in the form of yelling at me. I just needed SOMETHING.
As she's walking up the stairs I ask her to explain why her location was at that house. The story was the same. She didn't know, she was at family friends house. I told her I want to believe her but I know what I saw with my own eyes. It just didn't make sense. I would have believed anything that plausibly put her at that house. "I was at family friends and that's that. If you don't believe me, the we have MUCH bigger problems"
That was that. I did trust her and so I accepted it and went up to join her in bed. There was a little voice in the back of my mind that knew what I saw but she wouldn't lie, she definitely wouldn't cheat.
As I am about to fall asleep, I sit up suddenly and say "J I have an idea" *half asleep* "what?" "Show me your Uber receipts. That will prove you're telling the truth, any small doubts I have will be gone and we can just move on from this. Now she seems to be completely asleep (almost certainly faking it looking back). I grab her phone from under her pillow and unlock it.
On the screen is a text thread to a guy I'll call Jake. There were only 2 messages. First from earlier in the evening "It's J". The kind of message you send when someone puts their number in your phone and you text them so they have your number now. Then one she forgot to send "Hey sorry about that... I made it home ok".
Even at this point, my naïve ass did not jump to cheating. I truly assumed it was probably someone who was also at the dinner and stayed the night at family friends. But then I saw the Uber receipt. It had picked her up from the house her location showed her at.
"J WAKE UP. YOU WERE AT THAT HOUSE. WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT HAPPENED?"
"It's what it looks like"
I asked how could she do this to me? Why would she do this to me? Nothing. Not a single sentence that could be considered a thoughtful response. Despite my demands to know what happened that night, she, as usual, gave me nothing. "It's over. You threw away an 8 year relationship. We were supposed to be together forever. You were supposed to be the mother of my children." Only after those words "It's over" did she show any remorse.
The very little information I did get out of her was:
-This was the first time
-I caught her before anything actually happened
I'm not sure I believe either. It also doesn't really matter to me. Interestingly, about a month prior she told me she had HPV. She assured me that monogamous people can get it. Based on the research I did, it seemed possible, so I didn't think much of it. Now I wonder...
The next few hours were an unproductive loop of various iterations of "How could you" and "I'm sorry I'll do anything to make it up".
Eventually it was 6am and I still had those plans that brought me home early the night before. A 7am tee time. So I left.
It was actually a blessing but I had already had pretty much a full day of plans with some friends. First was golf, then some time at the shooting range with another friend who was going to show me the ropes. These are close friends and I told them everything. They listened to me ramble all day and spent as much time as I needed.
Once I knew J had left for work, I decided it was time to go back home. I had been up since 2am and I was exhausted. I don't fall asleep until midnight. Awake for about 22 hours on the worst day of my life.
The Aftermath:
Honestly... not much happened after. I hurt. It is a deep, constant ache. It was not overwhelming pain like hearing a family member had died. No... just a constant, deep, ache.
I reached out to some more friends who have all been incredibly supportive. I am truly blessed to have the support system I do.
The people I really want to talk to, but haven't had the courage to call yet are my parents. I can't explain why, but I feel almost embarrassed. I also know that once I tell them, the relationship is 100% over with J. They will never see her the same, and she'll know it. I can't live with that tension my whole life.
While I am 99.9% sure this relationship is over, it's hard to say 100%. She was in my life for 8 years. It means a fundamental change to my life presently, and the entire future I had planned.
Work has been hard. I haven't gotten a lot done this week. I've been distracting myself by talking to my co-workers. Today though... I was the only one in the office. Seems everyone else happened to be working from home.
It was not a good day. I have been in my head replaying the events of the weekend and spiraling. Until this point I was weirdly ok. I think it's the first time I've been alone since it happened so all the feelings are coming out.
Going Forward:
I'm not sure what the future holds. I have a few short term plans:
1. STD test
2. Therapy
3. Talk to my parents and likely make a trip home
I also need to talk to J. While I repeatedly said it was over the night it all went down, I think it still needs to be made official. I have not seen J since that night. After work Sunday and Monday night, she has been home. I don't think she's left the house. However, I've been spending as much time away as possible and the little bit I am home, she is in the guest bedroom. I have not had the strength or desire to talk to her.
What I'm most scared of it my living situation and the dogs. While one dog is clearly mine and one is clearly hers, there's a part of me that worries she may do something crazy. I don't know what she's capable of anymore.
We are locked into this lease until February. I have re-read the lease and it seems were pretty much stuck. She has family in town she could stay with but I've got nowhere to go. While it wouldn't ruin me, it would certainly be financially painful if she stopped paying her half of the rent. Best case scenario seems to be we live as roommates and stay out of each other's way for 8 months... A pretty bleak best case scenario.
Once we do separate, there's going to be the challenge of divvying up the stuff. We own a lot of nice furniture together. That furniture probably wouldn't fit well into the apartments we'll likely have to move back into after this. It's all just so unclear at this point.
Conclusion:
If you've made it this far, thank you for listening. Just writing this was very cathartic. I am open to hearing advice on how I should proceed. Nothing in my life has prepared me for something like this.
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2023.06.02 01:05 wysteriaghoul Is it still abuse if nothing happens?
My dad abused me (and my mom and sister) a lot growing up. He hit my sister and I, sexually abused my mom, and yelled at all three of us. There was a period of time where he would scream and berate me for hours because I had severe anxiety. He terrorized me, and constantly pushed me into situations that would give me panic attacks. And if I didnt go somewhere, he wouldn't feed me. He'd also deny me medical care, and even now if I had a medical emergency, I don't know if I'd get help in time because of him. Its nearly happened before.
I tried to run away, and kill myself, multiple times specifically because of him. I ended up in the psych ward multiple times too, and after the first time, he'd threaten to send me back and leave me there whenever I had a problem. He told me yelling at me is the best thing he ever did for me. I know this is abuse. But now... things like this don't happen. My sister's almost never home. My mom and I placate him. We do what he says, as if we're his servants.
All he does now is play his videogame, and get mad at us for interupting him; even if it's to take me to one of my many doctors appointments (I'm chronically ill). I don't tell anyone in this house how I feel. I let myself be misgendered and deadnamed because I know he won't budge. I don't fight back in fear of him yelling again, and the times I do fight back I end up hurt by some lengthy lecture or "jokes." No one protects me when he's mean. Sometimes they side with him.
I dont want to live here anymore. I feel so trapped and scared and helpless here. I genuinely don't know if I can survive here much longer. But I don't feel like I have a good enough reason to leave now, since most days, nothing happens. And I don't want to upset my mom and sister or anger my dad by leaving. I don't know what to do. And I have no where to go.
Also, yes. Im an adult.
submitted by wysteriaghoul to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]
I tried to run away, and kill myself, multiple times specifically because of him. I ended up in the psych ward multiple times too, and after the first time, he'd threaten to send me back and leave me there whenever I had a problem. He told me yelling at me is the best thing he ever did for me. I know this is abuse. But now... things like this don't happen. My sister's almost never home. My mom and I placate him. We do what he says, as if we're his servants.
All he does now is play his videogame, and get mad at us for interupting him; even if it's to take me to one of my many doctors appointments (I'm chronically ill). I don't tell anyone in this house how I feel. I let myself be misgendered and deadnamed because I know he won't budge. I don't fight back in fear of him yelling again, and the times I do fight back I end up hurt by some lengthy lecture or "jokes." No one protects me when he's mean. Sometimes they side with him.
I dont want to live here anymore. I feel so trapped and scared and helpless here. I genuinely don't know if I can survive here much longer. But I don't feel like I have a good enough reason to leave now, since most days, nothing happens. And I don't want to upset my mom and sister or anger my dad by leaving. I don't know what to do. And I have no where to go.
Also, yes. Im an adult.
2023.06.02 01:05 Groundbreaking-Owl5 Returning to work
I've been unemployed since the pandemic. Once my unemployment ran out my husband has been supporting me and my son. I know it's shameful that I haven't gotten a job people make me feel like a POS because I haven't gone back to work. Ive been a licensed cosmetologist since 2004 . I have nothing to show for it but a life I missed out on cause I had to work weekends and nights sometimes till 10pm. I never made more than minimum wage. Always had to deal with more stress than necessary and extremely toxic work environments. It got to where my son was growing up in daycare and Saturdays were worthless cause all the money I made went to child care. I tried to open my own salon on my "unrestricted" property but the water dept where I lived wanted 3000$ for a separate water main. No one would hook up my utilities or help me finish building it like they said they would when I got it started so now I'm stuck with a completely worthless LLC. I worked for great clips and smartstyle before tbh I can't handle the stress of walkin businesses atleast not for minimum wage I worked as an assistant manager of Great clips and had a nervous breakdown,almost got my kid taken away cause I couldn't get child care and had to take my 3 year old to work. The commission scale on most salons is only 20-30 percent and you have to work your peach 🍑 off to get it. I want to teach cosmetology now. If I can get hired by a public school I can get better hours and have a life with my family. I have no experience teaching and in the my state you only need a cosmetology license to teach cosmetology so any advice for that would be appreciated. I hope no one gets offended by this cause lot of people get mad when they find out I've been unemployed. Ive had too many people to count die on me in the last 3 years and lost a friendship with my best friend. Had a big falling out with my mom ,we haven't spoke since my wedding last summer that she ruined. so there's been a lot of depression that just going out and getting a job wasn't gonna fix.i know some have been through worse and still went to work ,good for you! I have PTSD. I can't get any kind of mental help unless I'm on a prescription so it's been a struggle but I'm feeling better now I've been off meds for 3 years yes I've had depression but when people die and leave you it's depressing. I would like to go back to work but everything is online and requires a resume. Every resume I've filled out has ended up in the trash even if I get hired. Employers just don't care. I've been to resume building classes and typed epic resumes only to see the employer care more about the application than the resume. I'm tired of being broke all the time, I want a job that will pay me decent and not make me work such crap hours. I don't need to teach cosmetology till 10 pm. I wanna be home on the weekends. I wanna help the next generation of cosmetologists be successful but with zero teaching experience and no money to go back to school I don't feel qualified. I feel like no one understands this like every just thinks I can just open my own salon or just go to work somewhere when it's been nothing but roadblocks for me I'm so frustrated. I hope someone can understand my plight. Any advice is appreciated.
submitted by Groundbreaking-Owl5 to offmychest [link] [comments]